It is going to be a lot better for someone’s wellbeing if they spend time around people who treat them well. This is then the same as how one is likely to feel better about themselves if they eat healthy food.
But while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone spends time around people who treat them in this way. In the same way, there are plenty of people who eat food that isn’t good for them. The Ideal When one is used to spending time around people who treat with them well, they are not going to be undermined by them. They will be able to be themselves, and the people around them will also be able to behave in the same way. One is then going to feel good in their presence, and they should have a similar experience even when their time together comes to an end. This means that when they have spent time with a friend, for instance, there is a strong chance that they will feel energised. Two Sides Having this person in their life is then going to make it more fulfilling than it would be if they didn’t know them. And it is unlikely to matter how long they have known them; what matters is the connection they have. In addition to how one feels when they are with them and what takes place for them when their time together comes to an end, there will be the effect one has the other person. If one was to ask them about their experience, they may find that it is more or less the same. A Select Few There is the chance that one only has a few people like this is their life, and this is because these types of relationships will take time and energy. And as one only has so much time and energy, they are not going to be able to be this way with everyone. Yet, if one does have a few people like this in their life, they won’t need to have a lot of friends who are like this. This is not to say that they won’t know lots of people; what it comes down to is that they are going to have the same kind of connection with these people. A Big Difference The people they are close to are going to know who they are, and they are likely to spend a certain amount of time around them. When it comes to the other people they know, they are less likely to have a deep connection with them, and they might not see them very often. It could be said that it is the difference between a real friend and someone who one is ‘friends’ with on social media. The former relates to someone who one can count on; the latter relates to someone who is simply another person on their friends list. Another Angle A real friend is going to have a positive effect on their life; whereas a friend on social media might not have an effect on their life. When one is friends with someone online, it can cause them to believe that they know them. In reality, they might have only met them once; or, they might not have seen them for a number of years. So in the same way that plastic food is not going to take care of one’s nutritional needs; most of their friends on social media are not going to fulfil their mental and emotional needs. Boundaries And when one spends time around the people they are close to, they are likely to find that their boundaries are respected. One is then going to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground, and to say ‘no’ when they need to. There will then be no reason for them to put on an act and to go along to get along. Ultimately, one is going to value themselves, and if this wasn’t the case, their life would be very different. Another Experience So while there will be people who spend time around people who treat them well, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, one is likely to be undermined by most of the people in their life. This could mean that one is used to being verbally abused, and they may even have moments when they are physically abused. These people could put them down in subtle ways, or it might be more be more direct than this. Walked Over And instead of being able to stand their ground and to say ‘no’, one will be used to having people take advantage of them. When this happens, they might not even allow themselves to show how they feel. Or there could be moments when they do speak up, but this could be the exception as opposed to the rule. Being around people like this is going to make it hard for one to feel good about themselves. No Resistance But even if one does get angry about what is taking place, they could find that being treated in this way is what feels comfortable. Therefore, although it is causing them to suffer, they are not going to do anything about it. What this can show is that one feel worthless, and this is then why they tolerate this kind of behaviour. Through feeling so low, they can believe that they deserve to be treated badly by others. One Outlook One way of looking at this would be to say that spending time with these kinds of people has caused them to feel this way. Ergo, one has just happened to end up with people who are abusive. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one already felt this way, and this is why they came into contact with these people. What this can show is that one’s childhood years were a time when they were treated in the same way. Awareness Through being treated in this way, it would have ended up being what felt comfortable. These years were then a time when one was undermined by the people who were supposed to treat them with love and care. If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what its taking place with them and to work through it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Before one goes on a date, they can worry about what the other person will think of them, and this can cause them to put on an act. How they come across is then not going to be a reflection of who they are; it will be nothing more than a role they are playing in order to please the other person.
It Works This could be a role that one plays whenever they meet someone for the first time, or they may have a number of different roles that they fall into. It can all depend on what the other person is like. And when they play a role, they may find that this generally allows them to take things further. As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Only So Far When it comes to taking things further, it could mean that they are able to meet them again. In addition to this, there is also the chance that they are able to end up in a relationship with someone through behaving in this way. Alternatively, one might look back on the dates they have been on and see that this area of their life rarely goes to plan. Or even if this part seems to go to plan, that could be about as far as it goes. No Contact One could find that even if the first date goes well, they don’t hear from the other person again. Along with this, they might have had a number of occasions when the other person has said that they don’t want to see them again. What this could show is that these people realised that one didn’t feel comfortable with themselves, and this then put them off. There may have been moments when these people realised this consciously, and moments when they just felt as though something wasn’t right. Other Factors It is going to be normal for one to have met people who were not right for them; clearly, one is not going to have a connection with everyone they meet. This is just part of life and not something that can be changed. When one has been on a date and it has gone further, it could show that the other person was also playing a role. This would then have stopped them from being able to see that one was hiding their true-self. The Same Position However, even though one is worried about what someone else will think about them on a date, it doesn’t meant that the other person will be thinking about if they are right for them. What they could also find is that the other person is also worried about if one will accept them. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for either of them to be in the present moment. They are both going to be caught up in whether they are behaving in the right way. Equal When this happens, it is likely to show that they both have a strong desire for the other person to like them. What this can then do is result in them getting together again, and they might even end up in a relationship. And as time passes, one of them could start to lose interest, and it could then mean that one of them will end up doing more than the other. But while this might allow them to stay together for a little while longer, it could cause them to push the other person away. A Different Experience If one is worried about what another person thinks of them, there is also the chance that they won’t even realise this. This could be because the other person is also the same way, but it could also be due to another reason. What it could show is that they are attractive, and then causes the other person to overlook their behaviour. The other person is then not going to be concerned by what they are like as a person; they will be consumed by their appearance. Caught Up And as they are with someone who is attractive, it is likely to have a big effect on how they feel. This can then allow one to get away with things that they wouldn’t be able to get away with if they looked different. Not only can one feel good, they can also put one on a pedestal, and this is simply due to how they look. This is why it is often said that it is more important for people to develop their personality when they are not attractive. A Waste of Energy Therefore, if one is attractive and they were to go on a date with someone, there can be no reason for them to worry about how they come across. It can be as if the other person will be blind to their behaviour. This can then allow one to save their energy and to see if the other person is right for them. Through doing this, it will be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling relationship with someone. More Developed Of course, if someone is not fazed by another person’s looks and they want more, it will probably be easier for them to see clearly. It is then going to be a lot easier for them to find someone who is right for them. What this emphasises is how important it is for one to be able to operate as a whole human being when they meet someone for the first time. When their mind, heart and body work together, it will enable them to function at their best. Awareness If one is unable to be themselves when they meet someone for the first time, they might need to reach out for external support. Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, one can begin to feel comfortable in their own skin.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While human beings have the ability to experience a wide range of emotions, it doesn’t mean that everyone feels comfortable doing so. As a result of this, there are going to be people who only allow themselves to experience certain emotions.
Two Parts Yet, even if one does feel comfortable experiencing a certain emotion, it doesn’t mean that other people will realise this. What this comes down to is that there are going to be the emotions that one allows themselves to experience, and then there will be the emotions that they feel comfortable expressing around others. Now, this could mean that one has a good connection with what is taking place within them, and that they allow themselves to express how they feel around others. One is then not going to have the need to ignore how they feel, and neither will they need to hide how they feel from others. Emotional Containment As one is able to embrace how they feel, it is likely to show that that they have emotional strength. This then gives them the ability to be with how they feel without being overwhelmed by what is taking place within them. If one didn’t have this ability, then it would be a lot harder for them to be able to do this. In fact, there is a strong chance that it wouldn’t happen, or if it did, it would be something that rarely takes place. Emotional Expression Through being able to contain what is taking place within them, it will be a lot easier for them to express how they feel. They will be able to talk about how they feel, as opposed to losing control of themselves. What this will then show is that their mind and emotions are working together; with the former giving them the ability to talk about what is going on for them. However, this doesn’t mean that one will simply open up to anyone. The Right People There are naturally going to be people who one will feel more comfortable opening up to. In general, this is likely to be their friends and family, for instance, and there could even be moments when they open up to strangers. If one was to simply open up to anyone, they would be setting themselves up to experience unnecessary problems. But even when one doesn’t open up about how they feel, how they feel can still have an effect on their behaviour. Anxiety For example, one might find that they feel anxious, and this could be because they have an exam coming up. This could then cause them to look into if they are fully prepared for what will soon take place. Thus, through feeling this way, it will remind them of what they need to do before their exam. If they didn’t feel this way, it could cause them to overlook what needs to be done, and one might then fail their exam. Guilt Alternatively, one might find that they feel guilty, and this could mean that they have done something wrong. What this could show is that one forgot to do something, or perhaps they were unable to meet their partner for a meal that had been planned. Therefore, through feeling guilty, it will allow them to do something about what has taken place. Yet, if one didn’t feel this way and they simply overlooked what had happened, it could create the impression that they don’t care. The Ideal This shows how one’s emotions can have a positive effect on their life when they are able to embrace how they feel without being overwhelmed. One can then utilise this source of information. On the other hand, when one only allows themselves to experience certain emotions, they are going to miss out of a lot of the information that is within them. One could then be in a position where they are able to experience guilt but they don’t allow themselves to get angry, or vice versa. Out of Control Along with this, one could end up being taken out by how they feel, and it will then be a challenge for them to maintain their centre. Instead of being able to contain how they feel and to do what is necessary; they could end up feeling down or doing something they will later regret, for instance. If they were to feel guilty, they could end up punishing themselves for what has taken place, and this is not going to do them any good. It will be important for them to look into what they can do and what they can’t, and not to suffer unnecessarily. Another Experience But if they were to get angry, they could end up losing control and causing harm to someone (or something). One will be able to feel strong through being angry, but how they feel will soon subside and they will have to face the consequences of their actions. At the same time, one could have the tendency to disconnect from their anger, and this could cause them to come across as easy going. It could be said that there is a greater chance of someone ignoring their anger in today’s world than there is of them being controlled by it. Black and White Anger is often seen as a bad thing, and as something that causes more harm than good. But while this is something that a lot of people believe, it doesn’t mean that it is the complete truth. One way of looking at anger would be to say that it is neutral; it all depends on what someone does when they feel angry. Clearly, it is not a good idea for one to be controlled by their anger, and it is not going to be a good idea for them to disconnect from it either. Emotional Strength When one disconnects from their anger, it can cause them to be walked over, and this is going to cause them to suffer. In order for one to be able to embrace their anger and to use it in a productive manner, they will need to be able to contain this emotion. So, if one disconnects from their anger, it can show that they don’t feel comfortable with it. They may believe that if they were to get angry, they would end up losing control of themselves. A Build Up It is then a case of putting up with bad behaviour and allowing other people to take advantage of them, or embracing how they feel and causing harm. What this can then show is that one is carrying a lot of anger within them. And if they have been this way for a long as they can remember, it is not going to be much of a surprise. The longer this goes on, the more anger will build up inside them, and one may even have had moments when they have lost control. Awareness There is the chance that is wasn’t safe for them to get angry when they were younger, and this is then why they behave in this way. The anger within them can be the result of what has taken place in their adult years, and it can be due to what happened when they were younger. If one can relate to this and they want to develop the ability to contain their anger, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to look into what is taking place within them and to gradually work through it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Do People Say That All Men/Women Are The Same To Avoid Taking Responsibility?27/3/2017
What is clear is that although some people have relationships that are fulfilling, there are others who don’t. And while this can mean that they end up with people who are not right for them, it could also mean that they end up with people who are abusive.
Two Experiences If one has the tendency to end up with people who are not right for them, this is likely to cause them to experience a lot of frustration. In addition to this, they could feel powerless, and as though they have no control over this area of their life. On the other hand, if one is used to attracting people who are abusive, they could feel even worse. Along with feeling powerless, one could be in a position where they feel extremely worthless. One Level Thus, when one continually ends up with people who are not right for them, it is going to create problems. And as far as they are concerned, this could be seen as being as bad as it can get. If they were to talk to their friends about what has been taking place for them, they could also agree. But if one doesn’t have this outlook, it could show that they realise this area of their life could be even worse. Another Level When it comes to someone who is used to ending up with people who are abusive, it is naturally going to cause them to experience a lot of pain. And as they experience life in this way, they might hope that it doesn’t get any worse. Their friends could wonder why one has these kinds of people in their life, and so they might spend a lot of time worrying about them. At the same time, a number of their friends could also be in the same position. The Same Story Now, regardless of whether one has been with a number of people who are not right for them or people who are abusive, they might decide to take a step back from this area of their life. This could be seen as something that will allow them to find someone who is different. And after taking a break, they may find that they end up with someone who is exactly the same as the last person they were with. One can then come to believe that they are a victim, and that there is nothing they can do to change their life. Disconnected What this can then show is that one is out of touch with their anger, or that they rarely embrace this side of their nature. As a result of this, it then causes them to fall down, so to speak. Their emotional self will have collapsed, and this is then why they feel as though they have no control over what is taking place. Yet if this doesn’t take place and one is able to embrace their anger, they will be able to feel different. Rising Up Through embracing their anger, one could feel as though they can do something about what is taking place in their life. Their anger will then have given them the confidence and the fuel to move forward. There could be moments when they collapse and feel like a victim, and moments when they are able to embrace their anger and feel as though they can change their life. If one can only do this every now and then, it could still give the chance to experience life differently. Stepping Back What will also help is if one is able to take a step back from how they feel and to look into what they can do to change their circumstances. As if they were to become consumed by their anger and it wasn’t possible for them to use it in a constructive manner, their life could end up staying the same. Through feeling energised, they could find a book that will help them to understand why they are experience life in this way. And/or, they could find a therapist who will allow them to look into what is taking place within them and to gradually work through it. Another Outcome Alternatively, one could have moments when they get angry, but they might not take the time to look into why they are experiencing life in this way. It is then not going to matter what part they are playing in all this, as they will blame the people they have been with. What could also take place is that one could say that all men/women are the same, and one is then going to see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of their reality. Therefore, one just happens to end up with people who are not right for them or who are abusive. Higher Up Through being this way, it will allow one to feel good about themselves, and they will be able to direct their anger at all men/women. They might even end up joining some kind of movement, and this will make them feel even better. One will see their sex as being the victims and the opposite sex will be seen as the perpetrators. This can then allow one to feel as though they are morally superior, and they can come to believe that the opposite sex is not as evolved or developed. Stuck But while there are going to be people out there who have the same experiences as they do, it doesn’t mean that all me/women are the same. If anything, it can simply show that these people have the same issues as they do. The trouble with believing that all men/women are the same is that it is not going to allow one to change their life. In order for this to take place, one will need to take responsibility for what is going on within them. Awareness When it comes to the kind of experiences one has with men/women, it typically relates to what took place when they were younger. So, if this area of their life is not working, it might be a good idea for them to look into what took place when they were younger. Through doing this, it can allow them to work through the pain that is within them and to heal themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are people who typically eat food that is unhealthy, there are others who typically eat food that is healthy. This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember.
A Big Effect When one can relate to the former, it could mean that they have the tendency to eat a lot of fast food. If they do eat fruit and vegetables, it could be something that rarely takes place. In fact, eating these kinds of things could be the last thing on their mind, and they might prefer to eat chocolate or something sweet. Through consuming this kind of food, there is the chance that they are not too healthy. Two Sides From the outside, it might look as though everything is fine, and this is because what they eat might not have had an effect on their appearance. For example, if one has a fast metabolism, they are not going to gain weight. Other people could then come to believe they are fit and healthy, but if they were to go for a run with them, for instance, they might see that this is not the case. In addition to this, if they were to look inside their body, they might also see that they are not in good shape. A Strict Diet If one can relate to the latter, they might not be able to remember the last time they had fast food, or this might be something that only happens from time to time. Just about every time they eat something, they could make sure they find room for vegetables. And when it comes to chocolate or sweets, they might treat themselves every now and then. There is then a strong chance that one is a healthy human being, and this is likely to have a positive effect on their whole life. Another Area So there will be the effect this has on their appearance and, as they look healthy, they should also be healthy on the inside. And if someone as to go for a run with them, they may find that they have a good level of fitness. It could be said that one will be treating their body in the right way, and as they have this approach, it could also show they only spend time with people who treat them well. If, on the other hand, they were to spend time with people who are abusive, it could cause them to feel uncomfortable. Black and White Based on this, if someone eats well they won’t put up with abuse and, if they don’t eat well, they will put up with it. However, while this might sound accurate, it is not always going to work out this way. There are likely to be people who put up with abuse even though they eat well, and those who don’t put up with this kind of behaviour even though they don’t eat well. But with that aside, what is clear is that the healthiest thing for one to do will be to spend time with people who treat them well. Irrelevant As if one made sure that they consumed the right food but spent time around people who abused them, it is going to be a challenge for them to feel good. And through being treated in this way, it might be a challenge stay on track, so to speak. If one didn’t eat particularly well but they spent time around people who didn’t abuse them, this could offset some of the damage that they are doing to their mind and body. What this comes down to is how important supportive relationships are when it comes to one’s mental, emotional and physical health. The Ideal When one spends time around people who treat them well, they are not going to be used to being walk over. Their boundaries will be respected, and this will allow them to feel safe in their presence. Along with this, their relationships won’t be one-sided; there will be moments when they give and moments when they receive. And after they have spent time around these people, they are likely to come away feeling good about themselves. A Big Difference One is then not going to have these people in their life for the sake of it; they will be in their life because they want them to be, and vice versa. This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember, or they might have had to work on themselves to experience life in this way. When one who can’t relate to this, they will be used to spending time with people who abuse them. One is then not going to feel good in their presence; they will end up feeling undermined. Hell on Earth Their mental and emotional health will suffer, and they could also end up being physically harmed by some these people. One is going to be used to being walked over, and this is going to stop them from being able to feel safe around them. And through experiencing life in this way for so long, one might not believe that there is anything they can do about what is taking place. It could then be said that one has gradually been worn down by spending time with people like this. Another Outlook Therefore, before these kinds of people were in their life, they might have felt good about themselves. At the same time, this might not be the complete truth; especially if one has always spent time with people who are abusive. It might then be more accurate to say that one already felt comfortable with this kind of behaviour, and this is why they have these kinds of people in their life. This would have been what felt comfortable at a deeper level. Why is this? As this is causing them to suffer, it can be hard for them to understand why it would feel comfortable. The reason they would feel this way at a deeper level can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused by their caregiver/s, and this would have set them up to feel comfortable with abuse. And through being treated in this way, it is going to be completely normal for one to feel worthless. Awareness So if they were to get in touch with how they feel in their body, they may find that they feel as though they deserve to be abused. This is not the truth, but it is what is taking place within them. In order for one to change their life, they will need to deal with what is taking place within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a header.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to how someone behaves, there are a number of things that can play a part. And one thing that will have a big effect on how they behave is how they feel about themselves.
Three Options There are going to be people who generally feel good, others who don’t, and those who swing from one side to the other. As a result of this, they can all have a different experience on this earth. When one generally feels good about themselves, there is going to be no reason for them to tolerate bad behaviour. If someone was to treat them badly, they could soon up feeling uncomfortable. Drawing the Line During this time, they could let the other person know that their behaviour is not acceptable, or they could end up walking away from them. How they respond can all depend on who the other person is. If they were at work, for instance, it might be necessary for them to stand their ground at to make sure this person doesn’t behave in this way again. Yet, if they were on a date with someone who behaved in this way, it might be a good idea for them to move on. Relationships And when it comes to the people who they spend time with, these are likely to be people who respect and value them. There will then be no reason for one to put on an act and to be someone else. As one values and respects themselves, there is a strong chance that the people they spend time with are the same. It is then not that one just happens to have people like this in their life; it is that these people are a reflection of what is going on for them. Career Along with this, there will be what is taking place in their career, and one might have been able to elevate themselves to a certain position. But if they are not seen as someone who is extremely successful, it could mean that they are doing something that is fulfilling. Or, one might have gone back to college/university to get the qualifications they need to embark on a new stage of their life. What they did before might not have been in aligned with their needs; it was then time for them to do something else. Eating Right And as one values themselves, they will also want to make sure that they eat food that is good for them. This is not to say that they will be obsessed with this area of their life, but they won’t overlook it either. What they put into their body could also be supported by what they do with their body. One might go to the gym a few times a week, or they might enjoy going running or cycling, for instance. A Door Mat On the other hand, if one doesn’t value themselves, they can have the tendency to tolerate bad behaviour. So instead of feeling the need to speak up if someone walks over them, they could stay silent. Part of them might feel uncomfortable when this happens, but another part of them wont. The part of them that feels comfortable with this kind of behaviour will be the strongest, and this is why it is taking place. Just the Same And when it comes to the people in their life, they could be used to being treated in the same way. These people could be self-centred and expect one to meet their needs, but they might not be willing to return the favour. Therefore, their relationships will be one-sided, and one will give far more than they receive. In addition to this, there is the chance that they have been in a number of abusive relationships, and they might even be in one now. On The Wrong Track If they have a career that is fulfilling, it might not be possible for them to get very far, or to accept how well they are doing. When it comes to the former, one might not believe they deserve to go further. Yet if they are unable to realise how well they are doing, it will show that how they feel about themselves clouds their ability to see clearly. Alternatively, one could spend most of their time in a job that is not very fulfilling. Self-Neglect This area of their life is then going to cause them to experience a lot of pain, but they might believe that this is just how life is. And when it comes to what they eat, they might not be any better off. They might eat a lot of food each day that is not good for them, and they might have the habit of eating too much or too little. As for exercise, this could be an area of their life that doesn’t get the attention it requires. The Usual Approach If someone was to experience life in this way and, they were to look into what they could do about it, they might be told that they need to develop their self-worth. This can then be a time when it will be about adding things, as opposed to taking things away. Now, after doing a number of things to develop their self-worth, one might find that they begin to feel better about themselves. At the same time, this might not lead to their desired outcome. A Closer Look However, if one feels worthless and they are told to change how they feel through adding things, it’s as if they are not enough as they are. So instead of looking into why they feel this way to begin with, they are reacting to what is taking place within them. It is then similar to telling someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves to go out and achieve things; as through doing this, it will allow them to change how they feel. One is then being told that their value is based on what they do and not on who they are. Awareness And if one’s value is based on who they are and not on what they do, there is going to be no need for them to do anything. There are clearly things that one can do to change how they feel, but it will also be important for them to let go of what is stopping them from realising their inherent value. When it comes to what is in the way, it can relate to what took place when they were younger. Through working with a therapist or a healer, one can let go of what doesn’t belong to them, and this can allow them to embrace their inherent value.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Dating: Can Being Needy Stop Someone From Being Able To See If Another Person Is Right For Them?24/3/2017
If someone went out for a meal and they wanted to eat something healthy, they might need to take the time to look into where would be a good place for them to eat. And once they have found somewhere, they might need to look for the right meal to order.
Making the Right Decision The reason for this is that if they feel really hungry, they could feel the urge to just go anywhere and to order something that is not good for them. When something like this happens, it will show that their body has taken over their mind. Their mind will have been overpowered by their body, and while this will allow them to feel good in the short-term, they will end up paying the price. They could end up feeling guilty, and it could even have an effect on their appearance. A Number of Responses Naturally, this is all going to depend on how one’s body responds to eating this kind of food. For one thing, their skin could flare-up, and it could stay this way for a little while. Alternatively, they could end up gaining a few pounds, and this might stand out. If they are slim, for instance, it is more likely to stand out than if they were already carrying a few extra pounds. Another Experience However, if one knows somewhere that only serves food that is healthy, they won’t need to think about where to go. One will know where to go and they will be able to order whatever interests them. Therefore, even if they do feel extremely hungry, it won’t result in the eating something that is not good for them. There is then the chance that this is someone who has a good level of self-control. Two Parts Not only will this allow them to feel good when they are eating something, it will also allow them to feel good after. This shows that when one is able to step back from the present moment and to think about the future, they are going to be a lot better off. There are a number of other areas of one’s life that will also benefit from them having the ability to think clearly. For example, if one can also behave in this way when they go out on a date or meet someone for the first time, it will also have a big effect on their life. The First Part If one was looking to employ someone for a job, for instance, they would need to find out if they are suitable for the position. And when it comes to finding someone to be with, it could be said that they will need to do the same thing. Now, this is not to say that one has to behave in the same way; what it comes down to is that they will need to have a clear mind. If they were caught up in how they feel, their mind would end up being put to one side. The Right Match Through being able to think clearly, it will give them the chance to find out if someone is right for them. So even though they will have the desire to be with someone, this part of them won’t take over. This is not to say that this will always allow them to end you with someone who is right for them, but it will give them a far greater chance. And through being this way, it is likely to save then a lot of problems down the line. Another Approach However, while there will be people who behave in this way, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, they will probably be used to ending up with people who are not right for them. When someone like this goes out on a date or meets someone for the first time, they are only going to have one thing in mind. Their main priority will be to take things further and to end up in a relationship with the other person. The Point of Focus What this is likely to mean is that they will do everything they can to please them, and this means they won’t even think about what they are like. Through being consumed by their need to please the other person, it might not matter if they are not suitable for them. In addition to his, one can end up perceiving the other person as being perfect, and this will show that they are projecting their undeveloped parts onto them. One is then not seeing them for who they are; they are putting them on a pedestal. The Outcome And if this is how they behave when they meet someone, it is not going to be a surprise if they end up with the wrong people. This could mean that these people are simply not right for them, or they might end up with people who are abusive. Either way, this area of their life is not going to bring them a lot of fulfilment. If they had a business and they had this approach when they needed to employ someone, they might soon lose their business. Stepping Back It is then going to be a good idea for one to look into why they feel so needy. As unless they start to settle down, they will behave in the same way, and this means they will continue to suffer. What this can show is that one’s needs were not met when they were younger, and this is then why they feel as they do. This would have meant that they didn’t receive what they needed in order to develop in the right way. Awareness If one experiences life in this way and they want to change their circumstances, they might need to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to look into what is taking place within them and to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is into self-development or if they simply stay up to date with what its taking place in the mainstream media, they may have heard people talk about how men need to embrace their feminine side/nature. This is because they are out of touch with this side of themselves, and unless this takes place, they will continue to be out of balance.
All the Same As a result of this, all men are going to be put in the same box, and it won’t matter if they don’t experience life in this way. One way of looking at this would be to say that this will be an example of black and white thinking. When someone puts all men in the same box, they are going to see all men as being the same. There are a number of reasons as to why someone would be this way, and this is naturally going to make it harder for them to think clearly. Closed Minded What this can show is that this is someone who has had a number of experiences that have had a big effect on them. How they felt during these experiences can then be what is defining their outlook. One will then have felt a certain way and this will then have gone onto define what they would believe. So instead of being able to take a step back and to see if what they believe is the truth, they will be in a position where they are controlled by their emotions. Another Thing It would then be a good idea for them to develop the ability to detach from what is taking place within them. This will then give them the ability to question what they believe, as opposed to being defined by it. What can cause one to see everything as being either black or white is if their brain hasn’t developed in the right way. Black and white thinking is also part of the borderline personality disorder, and this can be the result of childhood abuse and/or neglect. The Missing Part And when it comes to what men need to do to in order to be a whole human being, there are a number things that are often mentioned. One thing that is often spoken about is how important it is for them to talk about their feelings. This can be seen as something that women do all the time; with this being something that has a positive effect on their mental and emotional health. Therefore, if men were to do this, it would make it easier for them to function. Holding It In It is often said that a problem shared is a problem halved, and this shows the benefits of opening up to others. After all, no one is their own island; we all need help from time to time. However, clearly it wouldn’t be right to say that all women open up and all men keep their problems to themselves. If someone isn’t enslaved by what they believe, they will see that this is the kind of advice that applies to people in general. Disconnected People are generally more disconnected from each other than they were in the past, and today’s world allows people to do so much for themselves. This can then cause someone to believe that they are an independent human being. What can also play a part here is if someone feels ashamed of their needs, and this can stop them from being able to reach out for others. It then won’t matter if they are a man or a woman, as they will keep everything to themselves. The Difference When it is said that women open up and men keeping everything to themselves, it can be seen as the result of the conditioning they have received. Thus, it is simply a case of men unlearning what they have learnt. Based on this outlook, men and women are inherently the same. But while this if often seen as the truth, one thing that goes against this is that it has been said that women experience greater levels of oxytocin when they open up. A Benefit If this is the truth, it is not going to be much of a surprise for more women than men to open up about how they feel. Doing so will allow them to feel good; whereas if this wasn’t the case, they might also be more likely to keep things to themselves. In addition to this, if a man is in touch with his masculine nature, he is likely to be more concerned with finding a solution. He can believe that talking about something won’t solve it; what will solve it is doing something about it. In The Middle And while men are often told that they need to embrace their feminine nature/side, it could also be said that there is more to it than this. For one thing, a lot of men are out of touch with their masculine nature/side. It is then not that a man is stuck on one side and needs to integrate more of the other; it is as though he is stuck in no man’s land. This can then cause him to lack confidence, to find it hard to stand his ground, to be emotionally unstable and it can stop him from going after what he desires, amongst other things. Undeveloped When a man is like this, he can feel weak, depressed and as though he has no control over his life. The part of his nature that needs to be embraced will be dormant, and unless this changes, he will continue to suffer. There are, of course, a number of reasons as to why a man would experience life in this way. On one side, there is the conditioning he has received throughout his life, and on the other side, there is the effect his early years had on him. A Closer Look During his early years, his farther might not have been around, or if he was, he might have been emotionally unavailable. The guidance that he needed to develop this part of him would then have been missing. So instead of feeling comfortable with who he is, he can feel ashamed of his own nature. Being nice, as opposed to being authentic, is then what is normal; with his true-self and natural aggression waiting to be embraced. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look into what is taking place within them and to work through it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Whether someone does something or not can all depend on how they feel, and this shows how powerful their feelings are. There are going to be people who are defined by how they feel, and then there are going to be others who are able to take a step back.
A Slave When someone’s behaviour is generally defined by how they feel, it is going to be a challenge for them to determine how they will behave. In order for them to do something, it will often be necessary for them to be in the right mood. As if they are not in the right mood, it is typically not going to be possible for them to do something. It will then be as if one can only do someone when this part of them gives them the permission to do so. Inconsistent Therefore, it is naturally going to be difficult for them to behave how they want, and this can cause them to have moments when they feel incredibly frustrated and powerless. There can times in their life when they might be able to do what they want, and then it could be a number of days, or even weeks, until they are able to behave in the same way again. For example, one may have the desire to lose weight, and this could cause them to join a gym. In the beginning, they could go a few times a week and, as time passes, they might no longer feel like going. A Big Problem This is then going to stop them from being able to lose weight, and they could end up gaining even more. If, on the other hand, they were able to take a step back, it would give them the chance to push through how they feel. During this time, they could think about how important it is for them to keep going. Yet without the ability to do this, they are going to be nothing more than a slave to how they feel. Another Approach When someone’s behaviour is not always defined by how they feel, it can show that they have the ability to contain how they feel. One is then not going to be in a position where their emotions have the tendency to overpower them. It can then be seen as the difference between being caught up in a snow storm and holding a ball of snow. It will still be possible for one to maintain their sense of self, and this will make it easier for them to behave how they want. One Outlook One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they have a lot of willpower. Through having this inner strength, it stops them from being caught up in how they feel, and it allows them to fulfil their needs. Another way of looking at it would be to say that their brain is working in the right way, and this is why they are able to experience life in this way. If the part of their brain that regulates their emotions wasn’t functioning in the right way, there is a strong chance that they would be used to being overwhelmed by how they feel. A Vital Ability Not only will this allow them to experience greater control when it comes to how they behave, it will also stop them from being too reactive. Ultimately, it will make it easier for them to be a conscious human being. And as there are all kinds of things taking place in the world, this can make it easier for them to maintain their centre. So whether one is around other people or simply being exposed to what is taking place in the world through the mainstream media, they will have the strength to deal with what they are exposed to. A Big Impact Yet when one has the propensity to be reactive, they can be thrown around by what happens around them. It then won’t matter if they are around others or if they are paying attention to the mainstream media. So instead of being able to be informed about what is taking place by this source of information, it will end up having a negative effect on their wellbeing. After watching the news or reading a paper/article, they could feel fearful or anxious, for instance. Distracted This is then going to cause them to be consumed by what this source of information has told them is taking place in the world, and this is going to stop them from being able to focus on their own life. In an indirect manner, this source will have told them to jump, and they will have jumped. But even though this will be taking place because they lack the ability to regulate their own emotions, it can still happen even if one can do this. Someone like this can allow themselves to get sucked in. Misplaced Empathy What this can come down to is that one’s ability to empathise with others can end up being used against them. The mainstream media will focus on events that are designed to pull at their hearts strings. Through being caught up in how they feel in their heart, it can then stop them from being able to think relationally. Their ability to think clearly will then be put to one side and they will be controlled by their feelings. Conclusion It could be said that the mainstream media doesn’t exist to inform people; it simply exists to control people. Ergo, controlling how they feel is a big part of being able to control them in general. With this in mind, it is clear to see how important it is for someone to make sure that they don’t allow themselves to be sucked into what the mainstream media comes out with. If they can’t think clearly and they are distracted from their own purpose, it is not going to make the world a better place.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are some people who have moments in their life when they take action and moments when they relax, there are others who are practically always doing something. As a result of this, it is going to mean that these people don’t experience life in the same way.
One Outcome When someone can relate to the former, they can be more successful than someone who can relate to the latter. This comes down to the fact that they will put in more work, and so they will have achieved more. What this can then do is cause them to receive more approval than the other person; with them being seen as someone who has ‘made it’. At the same time, there is the chance that it is not this black and white. Another Dynamic Even if someone is always doing something, it doesn’t mean that they will be in a position where they have achieved a lot. And even if someone does take the time to relax, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have achieved very much. There are likely to be plenty of people who work extremely hard and have very little to show for it. In the same way, there are bound to be people who dont seem to do very much and end up with more or less everything they need. Illogical It can be hard to understand why this is the case; especially if someone has worked so hard or if they have done very little. One way of looking at this would be to say that some people are lucky, or more fortunate than others. If someone works hard, it should be normal for them to do well in life; whereas as if they don’t, they shouldn’t do very well. This is what is typically taught in schools and colleges, for instance. One Experience When someone spends most of their life working and they don’t get very far, they could feel as though the world is against them. That for one reason or another, there is something out there that is holding them back. Through having this outlook, they could resent the people who are able to achieve things without having to work too hard. This is then likely to stop them from taking the time to look into why these people experience life differently. Another Experience When someone doesn’t spend most of their life working and they are able to move forward, they could believe that the world is on their side. In this case, it can be as if something out there wants them to do well. Through being this way, they might find it hard to understand why some people work so hard. But even if they were to talk to someone like this, they may find that they don’t want to listen to what they have to say. Two Outlooks When someone works all the time, it could be said that they live to work; yet when someone doesn’t, it could be said that they work to live. One person is extremely driven and, while the other has drive, they are able to take a step back from time to time. What is also likely to be different here is how each person sees themselves; with one person feeling worthless and the other being in touch with their value. This is then going to play a big part in why they don’t behave in the same way. A Human Doing If someone doesn’t value themselves, they can try to change how they feel by taking action and achieving things. As unless they are doing something, they will have to face how they feel. Therefore, everything they do will be a means to an end, as opposed to an end per se. But as what they achieve is unlikely to change how they feel at a deeper level, it won’t be possible for them to take a step back. Fleeting When they do achieve something, they can feel good about themselves, but this is not going to last for very long. Their value is then not defined by who they are; it is defined by what they do. So if they were to take a step back and to relax, they would probably end up feeling bad about themselves. Having to work all the tine will be tiring, but at least it will allow them to control how they feel. A Human Being On the other hand, when someone does value themselves, they won’t have the need to run away from what is taking place within them. This will allow them to just be, and they won’t feel the need to do anything. When they do something, it won’t be because they are trying to increase their value. What this will then do is give them the opportunity to express themselves without getting too caught up in what they are doing. A Big Difference Their value is then not defined by what they do; it is defined by who they are. And through being this way, they will believe that they deserve to have their needs met. When someone believes that their value is based on what they do, there is a strong chance that they don’t believe that they deserve to have their needs met. So even though they are working so hard, it is going to be a challenge for them to receive. A Deeper Look If someone experiences life in this way, it can be the result of what took place when they were younger. This could have been a time when their caregivers were unable to love them unconditionally. Whether they were approved of or not would have depended on if they met their caregiver’s needs, and even if they were approved off, it would have been for the role they were playing. If they did what they wanted, they might have received positive feedback; but if they didn’t jump through the right hoops, they might have been rejected and/or abandoned, or even harmed. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they might need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look through what is taking place within them and to gradually get in touch with their inherent value.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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