In September 2005 I ended up studying music technology, and this was due to a number of reasons. Firstly, I was into dance music and wanted to learn how to create my own music and, secondly, I didn’t know what else to do.
During this time, I thought I would be spending a lot of time learning how to make dance music. I was sadly mistaken, though, as I had to learn about other areas of music that had very little do to with creating it. I Couldn’t Believe It Still, I worked hard and ended up getting a distinction. Even though the course wasn’t extremely hard, I was surprised by how well I did; especially after I didn’t do very well at school. When it came to my last year at school, the highest grade I got was a D, and this was for English. My lecturer at college was aware of how hard I had worked as she said that she could see this wasn’t something that came easy to me. The Next Level I was proud of what I had achieved, and I ended up going onto the next level, which was a two year course. Whilst I was doing the first year, I had a friend who was great at producing music and knew exactly what he was doing when it came to technical side of things. And although I got the highest grade, there were times when I felt like a fish out of water. I thought here is someone who knows exactly what he is doing and there are people out there who can produce great music, so why am I wasting my time!? It Got Better Yet, while this was something I reflected on, I didn’t know what else I would do at this stage of my life. What I was doing wasn’t the perfect match for me but I thought it was better than doing anything else that came to my mind at this time. I was during the second year that I met someone called Brian. There was something about this guy that stood out, and this made me reach out to him. The Third Year After got to know him, I came to see that we were on same level; in fact, I couldn’t believe that I had met someone like this whilst I was at college. I had met people on courses who were open-minded and into what I was into, but I hadn’t met anyone in my day-to-day life who was like this. This was someone who was open to learning about what was going on behind the scenes, so to speak, and about psychology, amongst other things. In many ways, it was worth doing the second part of this course just to meet him. A Two-Way Street In addition to what I shared with him, there was also the support and validation that he provided. If I spoke about what I was into to my family, I would often end up being criticised and told to stop preaching, amongst other things, and most of my other friends at the time were not into what I was into. I simply wanted to share what I had learnt and to help my family, and it hurt that I was being treated in this way. Based on how they were behaving, it was as if I was trying to sell them a virus. A Big Effect There was a time when were walking from college into town when Brian said that “I had a way with words.” It was this moment, along with all of the other moments that we shared together, that had a big effect on how I came to see myself. As although I believed in what I had to say, there was another part of me that wasn’t as supportive. So I am extremely grateful that our paths crossed all those years ago.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
If one was to come across someone who was in an abusive relationship, they might believe that this person is a victim. And, if this is the case, the person they are with is naturally going to be the perpetrator.
Assistance One could speak to them about what they go through when they are with their partner, and they could ask them how long it has been going on for. It could then be clear to them that this person needs to end the relationship. From here, one could suggest that they reach out for external support as this will allow them to change their life. One could leave it at that, or they could end up doing more than just offer their advice. One Step Further This could mean that one will offer them somewhere to live if they walk away from their partner, or they could offer to help them financially. Alternatively, they could just put them in touch with the different organisations that can help them. Either way, it might only be a matter of time before this person is able to put this all behind them and to move forward. At the same time, this might not happen and they could stay with their abusive partner. A Slightly Different Scenario One could wonder why this person would stay in a relationship that is having a negative effect on them. They could then continue to do what they can to help them, or they could get to the point where they no longer have the energy to be there for them. On the other hand, this person could leave their abusive partner and, before long, they could end up with someone who is very similar. If this was to take place, one could find it hard to comprehend how this could happen. Confusion To leave an abusive relationship is one thing, and it is another thing altogether to leave one and end up in another. One could begin to think about why this would happen, or they could just believe that this is someone who has no control over their life. If one does believe that this person has no control over their life, it could also show that they have a similar outlook. Then again, one could believe that they only have control when it comes to certain areas of their life. One Area Their career could be seen as something that they have an effect on, but it could be a different story when it comes to their relationships. So, if they do end up with people who treat them badly, it could just show that they are unlucky. And if they do have this outlook, it could be said that it is going to be much of a surprise. The reason for this is that they probably live in a society that believes that people just happen to end up in abusive relationships. Two Sides As a result of this, there are people who are victims and then there are people who are perpetrators. Therefore, if one is treated badly by someone, this person will need to change in order for their life to change. If this doesn’t happen, they will need another person to come and rescue them. On one level, it could be said that one is a victim, but if they were to take a step back, they may see that there is more to it. The Reason During this time, they may begin to see that what is taking place externally is no different to what is taking place within them. Said another way, one may find that they don’t treat themselves very well. For one thing, they are putting up with someone who is treating them badly - that will be one thing that they can’t overlook. And, if they were to pay attention to how they talk to themselves, they may find that they are their own worst enemy. A Match It is then not that one just happens to be treated badly; it is that this is what feels comfortable. Due to how they treat themselves, if they were treated differently it wouldn’t feel right. Most people are not going to be aware of what is taking place within them, and this is why they would come to the conclusion they are a victim. The same could be said when one sees another person as a victim. Two Parts There is going to be what is taking place in their mind and then there is going to be what is going in their body. If one doesn’t speak to themselves in a positive manner and they have negative beliefs, there is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma in their body. What is taking place in their body is then going to have a big effect on what is taking place in their mind. One way of looking at this would be to say that their body is where the root is and their mind is where the branches are. Awareness The best way for them to change what is taking place in their mind will be for them to let go of what is going on in their body. If they are carrying trauma, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected when they were younger. It might then be a good idea for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are some men who have a strong sense of self, there are others who don’t, and this can be due to what took place when they were younger. Another way of looking at this would be to say that this is due to what didn’t take place.
Neglect In order for someone to develop into an interdependent human being, they will need to receive the right kind of care. So, if a man’s developmental needs were met during the beginning of his life, it can mean that he will have a strong sense of self. Conversely, if his developmental needs were not met during this time, it can mean that he will have a weak sense of self. This can then be the difference between a man being able to live his own life and being nothing more than an extension of other people. The Former If a man did receive the right care and was able to develop his own sense of self, he is likely to have good boundaries. He will be aware of his own needs and he will also feel safe enough to fulfil them. As a result of this, there is the chance that he will have a fulfilling career and he might even be in a relationship. If he is with someone, he will probably be able to completely commit to this person. The Latter However, if a man didn’t receive the right kind and ended up with a weak sense of self, he could have poor boundaries. This could mean that he won’t even be aware of his own needs and if he is, he might rarely feel safe enough to fulfil them. Due to this, he might have a career that is not very fulfilling; that is, of course, if he even has a career. This could then mean that he will be single, or he could be with someone who he is unable to fully commit to. Caught Up From the outside, it can seem as though he is in a relationship, but that will be nothing more than an illusion. Physically he will be with someone, but mentally and emotionally he will be somewhere else. The reason he won’t be completely available can because he is still attached to his mother. This is the person who will be in control of what he does or doesn’t do, and this is why he is unable to live his own life. A Closer Look Having said that, this doesn’t mean that the man is completely powerless, though, as it is not this black and white. Yet, as the man is likely to be emotionally undeveloped, he can feel as though he has no control. When he was younger, his mother will have used him to fulfil her own needs, and this will have caused him to disconnect from his true-self. Consequently, he would have come to feel ashamed of his own needs, and this is then why he will feel guilty if he isn’t there for his mother. Conflict He is going to believe - and this will be backed up by how he feels - that he is responsible for his mother. So, although he is her son, he is going to be more like her father, and when he was younger, there is the chance that he was her surrogate spouse. Time has then passed, yet he is still going to be fulfilling a role that he is not on this planet to fulfil. His father might not have been around when he was younger, or he may just have been emotionally unavailable. Conflict Thus, although he might have felt special during this time, he was simply being used by his mother. This doesn’t mean that he will be completely comfortable with this, as he is likely to experience anger and even rage from time to time. But when he does get in touch with his true feelings, there will be guilt and shame, and he could even fear that he will be rejected and abandoned. The trauma that he experienced as a child is likely to be what controls him, as opposed to what his mother can do to him now that he is an adult. One Side On the one hand, there is going to be what a man like this has to deal with and, on the other, there is going to be the affect this has on the women they end up with. It is only going to be possible for a woman to get so close to him. They will soon see that his mothers needs are far more important that their needs, and this can cause her to feel angry, frustrated and ignored, amongst other things. Even so, it doesn’t mean that she will move on and find someone else. One Outlook If a woman does end up with a mother enmeshed man, it can be normal for her to believe that this is something that just happened. If this is the case, it can mean that she will focus on him and do what the she can do change him. The trouble with this approach is that it can mean that she will overlook what is taking place within her. If she was to look at what is going on for her, she may find that she is not available either. Two Sides On one level, being with a man like this will cause her to experience pain, but at a deeper level, this could be something that feels safe. The men she comes into contact with are likely to have a strong fear of being smothered, in addition to their fear of being abandoned; whereas she is likely to a strong fear of being abandoned, along with a fear of being smothered. If she was to attract a man who is completely available, it could then cause her fear of being smothered to arise. Perhaps she is too close to her father or maybe it’s her mother. Awareness What this illustrates is how vital it is for someone to not only focus on what is taking place externally, but to also focus on what is taking place internally. As if they only focus on what is going on for someone else, it can set them up to overlook the part that they are playing. And when this takes place, it is going to stop them from being able to change their life. If a woman has the tendency to attract men who are unavailable, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has just experienced a breakup, they may decide to take a break and to spend some time by themselves. Through taking this route, it will also give them the chance to face how they feel and to work through it.
A Grey Area If they were with this person for a long period of time, it may mean that they are now in a lot of pain. Then again, one could feel this way even if they were only with their ex for a matter of months. What this comes down to is that this is not something that is black and white. If it was, the amount of time that someone had spent with another person would define how they feel afterwards. A Number of Factors As a result of this, one could have been in a relationship for a number of years and find that they don’t feel too bad now that it is over. If they were to look back on their time together, they may see that their relationship had ended a long time ago. They may have lived together, for instance, but it could have been as if they were living on separate planets. Said another way, physically they were close together but, mentally and emotionally, they were somewhere else. Emotional Intelligence If one was to take a break and to face how they feel, it could show that they have healthy relationship with their own emotions. Due to this, one is not going to want to run away from how they feel. It might be more accurate to say that one is not going to want to avoid what is taking place in their own body. This could be a process that will take a few months, or it might take a little while longer. It Will Pay Off One could be only too aware of the fact that it would a lot be easier for them to find someone else to be with. This will allow them to feel good, and this is because they wouldn’t need to face how they feel. Yet, while they may feel better in the short-term, this is likely to change as time goes by. Sooner or later, one will have to face what they have been avoiding, and this could cause them to experience a lot of pain. Another Experience What could also take place is that one could end up getting into another relationship shortly after. And while it might seem as though they are running away from themselves, this might not be the case. For example, if one didn’t have an emotional connection with the person they were with, they could be relieved that their time together has come to an end. When they were together, they may have worked through a lot of pain and had the time to think about the kind of person who they want to be with. A New Beginning So, now that it is over, it’s not as if they are going to be in a bad way. Perhaps one has come across someone who is radically different to the person they were with before, and they could feel the need to find out more about them. And, after getting to know them, one thing could find that they are now in another relationship. One will have let go of the person they were with and this is why they can embrace their current relationship. Another Scenario When the above takes place, one will have both of their feet in the relationship, so to speak. Therefore, not only will they share their body with this person, they will also share their mind and heart. However, when this doesn’t take place, one can be in a position where they only have one foot in their current relationship. Part of them will be with the person they are with and another part of them will still be attached to the person they were with. Two Sides From the outside it might seem as though one is in a relationship, but if they were to take a closer look, they may find that there is more to it. Ultimately, it is not going to be possible for one to fully commit to the person they are with. Their partner may sense this, but then again, they could be with someone who is not fully available either. This could show that their partner is still attached to their ex, or they could be attached to one of their parents. The Next Step If one was to realise this, and they were to gradually let go of their ex, they may find that they are able to fully commit to the relationship they are in. At the same time, one might no longer want to be with this person. What this will then show is that one was just trying to avoid themselves and now that they are no longer the same person, their needs have changed. When they tell the other person about what is going on, they could feel used. Awareness Having said that, they might feel the same way, and this might then allow both of them to end their relationship in a fairly peaceful manner. If one is in a position where they are still attached to their ex, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When a relationship comes to an end, it can cause one to experience a lot of emotional pain. In fact, it can feel as though their whole life has come to an end, and one might then wonder how they are going to cope.
Two Extremes How they feel at this point in their life can then be radically different to how they felt just a short while ago. Before, it could have been as if they were on top of the world and now, they might find it hard to get out of bed. This could show that they were with this person for a number of years, or it might have only been for a matter of months. But how long they were to together for is, ultimately, irrelevant; what matters is how they feel now that it is over. A Grey Area If one was only with them for a few months, they could say that there is no reason for them to feel this way. In addition to what takes place in their own mind, other people could also say something similar. Yet, even if they were only with someone for a short while, it doesn’t change how they feel. So, if one does have a go at themselves, it is going to make it even harder for them to handle what is taking place within them. Support This is also going to be a time when they will need the people around them to be there for them. The last thing they will need is for the people around them to tell them that they need to ‘move on’ or ‘let go’. What needs to be emphasised here is that the emotional body is not like the mind; one can’t change how they feel through force. Then again, it might be more accurate to say that they can, but this won’t actually change how they feel at a deeper level. The Masculine and the Feminine The reason for this is that although the thoughts in one’s mind can be changed through force, the feelings in one’s body need to be acknowledged. One is then not trying to change how they feel; they are surrendering to what is taking place in their body. This could be seen as something that is ‘easier said than done’ and this is due to the fact that the mind is obsessed with doing things. The body, on the other hand, is more concerned with being. Running Away What can cause one to experience conflict is when they believe that their feelings are created by their thoughts. In reality, this is a half-truth; the other part of this it that their thoughts can trigger feelings that have built-up in their body. When one believes the former, it can set them up to be obsessed with what is taking place in their mind. Their mind is then going to do everything it can to stop their body from speaking out. Going Round the Houses If one does focus on their mind after a breakup, the masculine part of their nature is going to do what it can to control the feminine part of their nature. On the plus side, this can allow them to patch themselves up, so to speak. Through denying how they feel and thinking positive, for instance, one might be able to go back to how they were before. But after a little while, they may find that it is no longer possible for them to do so. Another Option Conversely, one could end up finding someone else to be with, and this will allow them to change how they feel. This is then going to be similar to taking a piece of fruit or veg and injecting it with hormones, so that it looks fresh. The reason for this is that even if one does feel good, the feelings that they were experiencing before won’t just have disappeared. Through having another person in their life, it will have allowed them to disconnect from their true feelings. Nowhere to Run The trouble with this approach is that if this relationship was to end, it is going to be even harder for them to handle the break up. What this comes down to is that they will have another layer of pain to deal with. One can then believe that they are getting away from how they feel, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. If one didn’t take this route and they wanted to face their pain, they could have the need to understand why they are in so much pain. The Emotional Experience They could feel angry, powerless and hopeless, and below this is likely to be a sense of loss, which will mean that they are experiencing grief. One could also feel rejected and abandoned, and they might even feel suicidal. If one was with someone for a long time, it might be a lot easier for them to accept how they feel. But even if they were, they might still believe that that they shouldn’t feel this way, that’s if their emotional body hasn’t stopped them from being able to think clearly. A Deeper Look And if one was only with someone for a few months, they might get a sense that something isn’t right. Now, as they were in a relationship that is now over, it is going to be normal for them to experience pain. This is just part of being human and not something that can be changed. However, if one had a childhood where they were abused and/or neglected, it can make it a lot harder for them to handle a breakup. Up To the Surface The end of the relationship will have triggered the trauma that has been in their body since they were younger. This may have been a time when they were treated badly year after year, or there could have been one or two instances that had a big effect on them. Not only are they going to be carrying a lot of pain within them; these early experiences may have stopped them from being able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions. One will then have a big problem but as things stand, they won’t be able to do anything about it. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be proved by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What is clear is that if someone wants to be good at something, they will need to put the work in and to be patent. In addition to the time that they need to put in each week, there can be moments when they will need to change what they are doing.
The Next Level Through doing this, it will allow them to continue to grow; whereas if they were to do the same thing, this might not take place. This could mean that they will only need to make a few minor adjustments. Then again, they may need to completely change what they are doing. For example, if one wanted to become a good martial artist, it could just be a case of changing their routine. A Familiar Process If one was to take a step back from this, they may find that there are a number of things that they are already good at. This could relate to things that they have done since they were very young. But as they have been able to do these things for so long, they may find that they don’t even think about them. It is then just part of who they are and there is no reason for them to think about how their life used to be. Feedback Even so, there could be times when one comes into contact with people who admire what they can do. Some of these people way respond in this way because they would also like to be able to do the same thing. Perhaps they are working hard to be able to do what one can do, or it might be nothing more than a dream. Along with this, there are likely to be moments when they admire what other people can do. A Balanced Outlook But even when they do come onto contact with people like this, it doesn’t mean that they well feel inferior. One is then going to be in touch with their inherent value, and this means that they won’t believe that their value is based on what they do. As a result of this, it is going to be a lot easier for them to learn new things and to accept that it is not possible for them to be good at everything. So, if they do something and it takes a while for them to get a hang of it, there will be no need for them to punish themselves. A Human Being One is, after all, an imperfect human being, which means that it is going to be normal for them to get things wrong and to make mistakes from time to time. With this in mind, if they haven’t done something before, there is going to be no reason for them to be good at it straight away. Therefore, when it comes to learning something new, they will be able to be patient and to talk to themselves in a positive manner. And, if they were to try something new but they didn’t want to continue, they could stop doing it without feeling like a failure. Two Sides There inner dialogue is generally going to be supportive and, as this is the case, they are less likely to believe that other people will judge them. This comes down to the fact that what is taking place within them will have a big effect on how they expect other people to treat them. One could then try something and find it hard to get it right, but they won’t be waiting for someone to criticise them, for instance. Through having self-compassion, it is going to allow them to treat themselves with love and respect. Another Experience However, although this is how some people will experience life, there are going to be others who are unable to relate to this. Deep down, they can believe that they need to be good at everything. Thus, even if they are not aware of what they believe, they will be aware of the effect that this has on their life. If they can’t do something, they might do everything they can to hide this from others. Avoidance One of the ways that this could take place is by making sure that they avoid going to places where they would have to do the things that they can’t do. As if they were to go there, they could end up feeling exposed. What this can also do is cause one to work extremely hard whenever they try something new, which can allow them to make a lot of progress in a very short period of time. This will then be a way for them to minimize the amount of negative feedback that they believe they will receive. Pressure There is going to be how they feel when they try something new and when they are around someone who can do something that they can’t. Yet, even though these two situations are different, it doesn’t mean that one will feel completely different. The fact that they can’t do something is likely to cause them to feel bad, and then they will probably feel even worse if they can’t do it straight away. And as someone else can do something that they can’t, this could cause them to feel as though they are inferior. A Human Doing If one was to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they may find that they feel worthless. Their value is then going to be attached to what they do as opposed to who they are. As this is how they see themselves, it is going to be vital for them to do everything they can to hide this from others. This can cause one to create the impression that they are more-than human. Awareness If they were to reveal their true-self, they are likely to believe that this would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. There is a strong chance that their early years were a time when their value was based on what they did and not on who they were. In order for one to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are people who listen to the mainstream media, there are others who pay attention to the alternative media. It hasn’t been this way for long, though, and this is due to the fact that there only used to be one option.
The Main Source If someone wanted to find out about what was taking place around them in the past, they would watch TV, read a paper or listen to the radio, for instance. One may have believed everything they were told, or they might have questioned certain things. But as this was the only source of information that was available, it would have meant that it would have been a lot harder for them to find out if something was true or not. As a result of this, the people who were presenting this information would have had a lot of control. The Same Old Story Thanks to the alternative media, it is no longer necessary for someone to rely on the mainstream media. Yet, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will look towards this source of information. The reason for this is that they might not even be aware that this source exists, and this is then going to stop them from changing their behaviour. Conversely, one might believe that this source of information can’t be trusted. False Information As far as they are concerned, the only people who look towards this source could be the ones who believe anything. It will then be as if these people are gullible, simply going along with whatever they are told. Due to this, it will be in their best interest to stay well away from this source of information, and to look to the one source that can be trusted. There is then not much chance that they will turn their back on this source. Trusted Organisations One could think about how their parents and their grandparents also look towards this source, or did once upon a time. Their friends and colleagues could also do the same thing, so it won’t be as if they are all by themselves. And if they live in the United Kingdom, there will be a news organisation that is funded by the public. This could be seen as a sign that this source of information can be trusted; if this wasn’t the case, it wouldn’t be funded by tax payers. One Big Illusion However, if one doesn’t pay attention to the mainstream media, they might find it hard to believe why anyone would pay attention to this source of information. Then again, they might understand why someone would look towards this source. The first thing that could come to mind is that it partly comes down to habit, and how this was probably something they have done for their whole life. Looking towards the mainstream media to be informed is then no different to going to a supermarket to get food. Authority Another thing that could come to mind is how the mainstream media positions itself as the only authority, and this causes someone to go along with this source. This is then no different to how they might have believed just about everything their parent/s came out with when they were younger. The people who hold special positions are going to be seen as the ones who have all the answers, and this means that it won’t be necessary for them to think for themselves. Another way of looking at this would be to say that human beings are taught to accept what people in positions of power come out with. A Time and A Place This is not to say that all of the people who hold positions of authority and influence are out do deceive others, far from it. What it comes down to is that they are imperfect like everyone else, which means that they can make mistakes and get things wrong. Also, someone could believe that they are making a positive difference, even if there is evidence to contrary. There is then going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour and, if someone does speak up out, they could simply dismiss what they hear. One Purpose So, if one was asked why the mainstream media exists, they could say that it is there to control people. The people who create the news will be seen as the ones who define how so people perceive the world around them. On the surface, it can sound as though this is something that takes place in ways that are hard to see. The average person is then a sitting duck and there is nothing they can do to protect their mind. It’s Very Simple Yet, although it can sound this way, it doesn’t mean that it takes a lot of effort for the mainstream media to control what someone believes. The only thing that they need to do is to gain their attention. And, once someone has been exposed to something, it can end up going straight in and defining their outlook. What they say to themselves, and others, about the world, will then be the result of what they read or heard about throughout their life, or even a few moments ago. Intellectual Boundaries When this happens, one won’t be using their brain; they will be nothing more than a mouthpiece for the mainstream media. Still, this is likely to be something that happens to everyone from time to time. There are a number of things that someone can do to protect their mind. Firstly, one can take a step back when they hear something and question what they are being told. Secondly, they can look into if what they hear is in alignment with what they believe; if it is, they are more likely to believe it. The trouble is that just because one believes something; it doesn’t mean that it is the truth. Conclusion What this shows is how important it is for someone to question what they are told. Their mind is like a garden and if they don’t look after it, it will end up making their life a lot harder than it needs to be.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For a long time, mental and emotional problems were typically overlooked, and this has changed in recent years. A lot of money is now being spent to help people who are suffering in this way.
A Mixed Response Still, this is not to say that everyone is happy with what is taking place; there are people who are still not getting the help that they need. Along with this, there are people who are getting help but it is not having the desired effect. One way of looking at all this would be to say that this is just the beginning and as time passes, it will gradually improve. Let face it, it’s as not as if anything changes overnight - it takes time. From One Extreme to Another When someone starts something for the first time, they can end up becoming obsessed with it. There would then have been a time when what they were doing didn’t cross their mind and now this has changed. In the same way, there was a time when society didn’t think about mental and emotional problems and now this has also changed. And while it might not be accurate to say that society is now obsessed with these kinds of problems, there is evidence to suggest that it has gone too far. The New Normal For example, if someone experienced anxiety or depression from time to time and they were to reach out for help, they could be told that this is just part of life. At the same time, they could end up being told that they have ‘mental health’ problems. When this takes place, it could be said that what it means to be human is being redefined. Ultimately, there is not going to be anything wrong with them, but they will be treated as though this is not the case. A Fine Line What this shows is that there is a fine line between helping someone and causing them harm. The therapist/mental health professional might have good intentions, but that doesn’t mean that they are having a positive effect. As Samuel Johnson ounce said, “Hell is paved with good intentions.” Therefore, just because someone believes that they are having a positive effect, it is doesn’t mean that they are. Creating problems So, while there are going to be people out there who have legitimate problems, there are going to be others who don’t. But due to being misdiagnosed, for instance, they can come to believe that there is something wrong with them. When in reality, they are simply experiencing things that just about every other person on the planet experiences. And, if they were to go back a few thousand years, it is unlikely to be any different. Life Has Changed Now, if someone believes that human beings only experience anxiety and depression if they have mental health problems, they could say that they no longer need to experience life in this way. This could show that they believe that human beings should feel good all the time. Not only would this lead to a very shallow existence, it would also cause human beings to be out of balance. Being able to experience both sides of the emotional spectrum is what gives life meaning. Two Sides Clearly, if one experience a lot of anxiety it is going to be a challenge for them to function; but if they could no longer experience anxiety, their life is not necessarily going to be any better. Through being able to experience anxiety, it will allow them to prepare for future events and to avoid going to places that might put their life at risk, for instance. Depression is no different in this regard, as when someone suffers from depression their life can be unbearable. And at the same time, when someone has the ability to lower their mood, it can give them the ability to solve complex problems. Don’t Throw the Baby Out With the Bath Water To say that these emotional experiences are bad can be seen as what happens when someone engages in black and white thinking. This takes less energy, but it can cause someone to miss out on a lot of valuable information. Another part of society’s approach to mental health problems is that the individual will often be seen as the one with the problem. It is then going to be as though this person is separate from their environment. Business as Usual And, through focusing on the individual, there is then no reason for society as a whole to change. Whereas in reality, this person is simply a product of their environment and if they have problems, it shows that something isn’t right. What adds weight to this is that it’s not just a handful of people who have mental problems; this is something that affects thousands and thousands of people. Through having this approach, there is no reason for the people at the top to actually deal with the real problems. Child Abuse This is then similar to what happens when a child is playing up at home or at school, for instance. The child’s parents can believe that the child is the one with the problem, and end up taking them to see a psychologist. Perhaps the child does have a problem, but then again, this child could just be a reflection of what is taking place in their family system. When the child is at home, they could be getting abused and/or neglected, and this means that their behaviour could simply be a cry for help. Conclusion What this emphasises is how important it is to look at the big picture, as this will make it easier to understand what is going on. From there, something can actually be done about what is taking place.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If a woman wasn’t very happy with her body, there are number of things that she could do. And the approach that she takes can all depend on what kind of personality she has.
One Option When she looks at her body she could end up feeling bad about herself, but that doesn’t mean that she will do anything about it. This could mean that she will do things that will have a negative effect on her appearance. For example, what she puts into her mouth might not be very healthy, and this could even cause her to gain weight, for instance. After this, she could feel even worse and, after a while, she could go through the same process again. A New Direction If this is what takes place, it is going to be vital for her to reach out for external support. As if she continues to behave in this way, her life is only going to get worse, and the longer she experiences life in this way the harder it will be for her to change. One of the things that she can do is to reach out to her friend and family, and to tell them about what is taking place. Also, though telling these people about what is going on and what she wants to do, it can be a lot easier for her to follow though. Another Option Conversely, she could decide to join a gym, and this will give her the opportunity to transform her appearance. This could show that she is someone who doesn’t like to sit around. Through being driven, she is going to have the fuel that she needs to get things moving. Up until this point, this fuel might have been used in other areas of her life or, perhaps she has recently gone through a challenging time and this caused her to neglect her body. Going All Out Once she has joined a gym, she could end up working with a personal trainer and have a diet plan made. If this was to happen, it could show that she doesn’t want to waste time. In a short while, she may have a holiday coming up, or another important occasion could be on the horizon. So, though thinking about this time in her life, it will give her a reason to stay on track. Self-Respect Then again, if she values herself, she won’t need to have anything coming up in order to stay on track. Through being this way, it will allow her to stay in shape all year round as opposed to just a few months of the year. What this shows is that when someone values themselves, they are more likely to look after their body. Therefore, if a woman is not happy with her body, she could look into what is taking place within her. Going Within When it comes to how she sees her body, what is taking place within her can have an effect. Said another way, her own beliefs, thoughts and feelings can define how she perceives her own body. It is then not as if she is just observing her own body. This is then why there are people who believe they are fat, even though they are underweight, for instance. Two Sides With this is mind, it is clear to see why it can be a good idea for a woman to get the right exercise and to look into how she sees herself. If she only focuses on her body and ignores what is going own within her, she could be in for a shock. The reason for this is that unless her self-image matches up with her outer image, she might not be able to accept how good she looks. Other people will able to accept this, but it won’t be possible for her to do so. It’s Harder When a woman feels bad about herself, it can be normal for her to try to change how she feels by focusing on her appearance. She can believe that once she has the perfect body, she will feel different. This can work, of course, but there is also the chance that it won’t work. Focusing on what is taking place externally can be a lot easier than it is to focus on what is taking place internally. A Balanced Approach Based on this, it could be said that if a woman is not happy with how she looks it will be vital for her to make sure that she doesn’t neglect her inner world. This will also stop her from abusing her body. Lifting heavy weights in a gym is painful, yet it can be fair more painful for someone to face their inner pain. However, through facing and working through what is within them (and this pain won’t last forever) it will enable them to value themselves. The Ideal Body And while a woman might just want to lose weight or tone up, for instance, she may want her body to look like someone else’s body. This could be someone that she knows, or it could relate to someone who is in the public eye. If it relates to the latter, there is a strong chance that she is very familiar with this person’s body. As even though she probably won’t have met this person, she will be able to see their body on social media. The Big Deception The trouble is that this celebrity’s body might not be real, and it could then be impossible for them to look the same way. For one thing, they might have had their buttocks surgically enhanced. It then might not matter how many hours they workout out or what they eat, as they won’t end up with the same figure. Along with this, they could be looking at pictures that have been heavily edited. Conclusion Now, this is not to say that a woman shouldn’t be inspired by the people she sees online; what is means it that she needs to be aware of why some of these women look the way that they do. This will stop her from having unrealistic expectations, and it will then be a lot easier for them to achieve their goals.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is in a relationship that is no longer as fulfilling as it used to be, they could take the time to talk to their partner about what is going on. This can then give them the opportunity to look into what needs to take place in order for their relationship to improve.
Another Option On the other hand, one could talk to one of their fiends about what is going on, and this could be a time when they will be given some advice. One might appreciate what this person tells them and be only too happy to apply what they have been told. At the same time, one might not do anything with the information that this person gives them. What this can come down to is that one might not believe that their advice would do much good. Professional Help So, after speaking to a friend and not ending up with a clear idea about what needs to be done, one might reach out for external support. This can mean that they will see a therapist or a counsellor, for instance. Through taking this approach, there is the chance that one will find out exactly what they need to do to change their current situation. One could then tell their partner about this, and they may even end up joining them for a session. A Good Sign If they do join them, it is likely to show that their partner values the relationship about as much as they do. Whereas if they don’t want to do this, it can show that they no longer care about the relationship. However, what it could illustrate is that they don’t feel comfortable with sharing their life with a stranger. Therefore, even though they would be opening up to someone who has the right training and experience, it is not going to matter. A Problem If this was to take place, it could be said that at least their partner doesn’t want their relationship to end. Over time, it might be possible for their partner to realise that they need to see a professional. Still, this is not to say that this is going to be the only way that they will be able to move forward together. The main thing is that both of them want to find a way to move through their current challenge/s. Tolerance But while it will be in one’s best interest to do something about what is taking place, they could just put up with it. One could believe that there is nothing they can do about it and end up suffering in silence. As a result of this, their life is only going to get worse, and it might only be a matter of time until their partner leaves them. What could also happen is that their partner might end up having an affair. One Option With this in mind, it is going to be vital for one to do something about their relationship; if they don’t; they may soon pay the price. It is not uncommon for people to take their partner away on holiday during moments like this. This can be seen as something that will end up bringing them closer together. On the surface, this can sound like a great idea; after all, they will be somewhere special and there will be nothing to distract them. A Short-Term Solution They could go away and find that everything goes smoothly; their time together could remind them of how they felt at the beginning of the relationship. After this, everything could change, and this will have been money well spent. Then again, they could have a good time away and, after a few weeks, it could go back to how it was before. This is not going to be much of a surprise though, as it’s not as if anything will have changed at a deeper level. Another Person If one was to ignore what is taking place and they were to come across someone who gives them the kind of attention what they crave, they could end up being drawn to this person. Ultimately, they are likely to feel as though they are missing something, and they can believe that they have found someone who will fulfil their unmet needs. One is then going to have to put on an act around their partner and to pretend that everything is normal. It might not be long until their partner knows what is going on, or they might just sense that something isn’t right. Disconnected If one is in a relationship with someone who is having an affair, it can be hard to understand how they wouldn’t be aware of this. Yet, if they are no longer emotionally connected to their partner, it can stop them from picking up in the signs They may have got to the point where they no longer care what they do, and part of them might want them to find someone else. That way, they won’t have to end the relationship – their partner will. Will it last? If one does have an affair with someone, they could end up having a long-lasting relationship with them. Alternatively, one could find that now that they are no longer with another person, they start to lose interest. One might no longer be attracted to this person, which could show that they were only interested in the relief that they provided. And now that they are no longer the same person, they no longer have the same needs. Awareness But if one is no longer in a relationship that isn’t working, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t be drawn to the same kind of person. What this shows is that as one changes, their needs can also change. If one is in a relationship that isn’t working, and they want to do something about this, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be proved by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|