In this case, it is not going to be possible for one to move forward; they are going to stay where they are and their life could end up getting worse. One may find it hard to understand why they hold themselves back and the people around them could have the same outlook.
The Other Extreme
There are then going to be other people who go after what they want and don’t hold back for one second. This doesn’t mean they will always achieve what they want to achieve, but it does mean they won’t be standing still or going backwards in life.
Through taking action, one will be able to move forward and to find out if they truly want what they say they want. As a result of this, one won’t be thinking about what their life would be like if they did this or that, or if they are capable of doing something or not.
Each action is going to build on the other and the momentum that this creates will make it easier for them to take action. There will be moments when something doesn’t go to plan, but this won’t cause them to give up.
When this happens, one is likely to use what happens as feedback to let them know whether they are on the right track or if they need to try another approach. It could be taken as a sign that they need to hang in there and to keep going.
If they were to take each setback personally, it would make it harder for them to keep going. Yet, as they realise they are only human and that it is not possible for them get everything right, it will stop them from taking each setback to heart.
This is going to stop them from being weighed down by the need to get everything right and to always look good. Through having this approach, it will be easier for one to keep their head up as opposed to feeling like a failure.
What this also shows is that their value is not based on whether they can or can’t do something, or if they get it right straight away. Their value is based on who they are and not on what they do.
If this wasn’t the case and one’s value was based on what they did, they would feel the need to get everything right straight away. But no matter how competent someone is, it is not going to be possible for them to get everything right.
When it comes to someone who stops themselves from taking action, they are going to have a different outlook to this. This may be an outlook that they are fully aware of or it may be something that they are unaware of.
Either way, it is going to be something that defines their whole life and stops them from living the life they want to lead. Their fear of failure is going to stop them from taking action and as this fear is so strong, it won’t matter what they want to achieve.
Point Of Focus
They are not going to be focused on what they want, they are going to be focused on doing everything they can to stop themselves from failing. This could be something that takes place without one even realising what is happening.
But even if one is aware of the fact they are sabotaging their life, it doesn’t mean they will do anything about it. The fear of failure could be so strong that one ends up being completely paralysed by it.
This doesn’t mean that one will always avoid taking action; as they could take action, but end up sabotaging themselves in the process. What this means is that one won’t go all out and put their whole heart into something.
Instead of this, one may start something and end up stopping before they have finished or they may keep putting the work off until it’s too late. It could be said that this is another type of failure, but in their mind, it will be seen as a way for them to avoid failing.
This will mean that it is not going to be possible for them to achieve what they have set out to achieve, but through putting things off, they will have an excuse. If they were to stick to it, it would cause their fear of failure to arise.
When this happens, one will have a reason as to why they didn’t achieve something. Yet, if they were to go all the way and fail, they wouldn’t have anything to fall back on.
Fear of Failure
In their mind, it is not possible for them to fail; if they fail at something, it is going to validate how they feel at a deeper level. Here, one is likely to feel a sense of worthlessness.
As they feel this way on the inside, they are going to do everything they can to stop themselves from having to face how they feel. The way for them to do this is to avoid doing anything that may trigger what they have disconnected from.
It would be inaccurate to say that this is just about how one feels; as it is going to be a lot deeper than that. One is going to believe their whole being is inherently flawed and that there is nothing they can do about it.
Toxic shame has taken over and it is no longer possible for one to see that they are enough. They will be cut off from themselves and they are going to feel as though they are different to other people.
Where Did It Come From?
While there is the chance that the toxic shame that is trapped in one’s body is the result of their experiences in their adulthood, it could go back even further. This will mean that their adult experiences have been a continuation of their childhood experiences.
During one’s early years, they would have experienced some kind of abuse, such as: verbal, physical, sexual and/or emotional. This would have been a time where it wasn’t possible for one to question what was taking place and this would have meant that each experience was seen as a reflection of who they were.
When it comes to letting go of the toxic shame that is trapped within them, it will be important for them to get in touch with their emotions. This may mean that one has to grieve their unmet childhood needs and to tolerate the shame that is within them.
Through facing how they feel and allowing the emotions that are within them to be processed, they will gradually be able to let go of the emotional build up within them. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
Oliver JR Cooper