Having more choice can make it even harder for one to know what they want to do; whereas if they only had a certain amount of choices, it could be far easier for them to decide. However, if one was to go back in time, they may come into contact with people who felt restricted by the choices that were available.
Another way for one to handle all the choices that are available would be to take the time to think about what they enjoy doing. Through getting in touch with what is taking place within them as opposed to being completely focused on what it taking place without, there is less chance of one being overwhelmed.
This is because they will be aware of what their needs are, and they can then overlook all the options that don’t match up with their needs, for instance. If one isn’t in touch with their needs, they are not going to be able to do this.
As a result of this, one could end up doing what the people around them are doing, or they could go along with their suggestions. On one side, this can allow them to receive approval, but on the other side, it is unlikely to be something that is very fulfilling.
However, this is often part of life and something that one needs to go through in order to come into contact with their true needs. Through doing what other people want them to do, it can be possible for them to realise what they do want to do.
A Learning Experience
In this sense, being ‘of course’ can be something that allows one to be ‘on course’, and this could be something that they experience for the first time. One has then not been wasting their life; they have simply been doing something that allowed them to realise what matters to them.
The alternative would be to do nothing, but then this wouldn’t allow one to realise what they want to do. This is a deductive approach; where one finds out what something is, by finding out what it isn’t.
The Scenic Route
In life, it is normal to want to take the shortest route possible, and this is partly because of the need to experience instant gratification. For instance, if one could follow a route that would get them somewhere in ten minutes, they are unlikely to take a route that would get them there in twenty minutes.
Yet, life doesn’t always work this way, and this means that one has to take what could be classed as the ‘scenic’ route. However, through taking this route, one can not only end up being exactly where they need to be, they can also arrive there at just the right time.
There is also the chance that one could have clear idea about what they want to do, even though they are out of touch with themselves. While his might sound like a contradiction, it is what can happen when one has developed a false-self.
On the surface they can come across as though they are connected to themselves, but this is not going to be the complete truth. This doesn’t necessarily mean that what they end up doing will be completely out of touch with their true needs; what it can mean is that it won’t completely match up.
For example, one may feel the need to make a difference in other people lives, and this could cause them to become a therapist or some kind of coach. And while this can be a reflection of their true needs, it could be a sign that they are not completely connected to themselves.
It can all depend on how they go about making a difference in the lives or others, and if they have worked on themselves. If one feels as though they need to save others, this can show that they are out of touch with the part of themselves that they need to save.
This will show that one hasn’t worked through their own pain, and through being out of touch with how they feel, it is going to be normal for them to project their denied parts onto others. As a result of this, it might not be possible for them to maintain their boundaries and to realise there is only so much they can do for someone.
They can end up seeing themselves as the only person who can make a difference, and the other person can be seen as someone who needs to be ‘fixed’. Therefore, their worth as a human being can end up being defined by how other people respond to their efforts to ‘save’ them.
A Closer Look
When one experiences life in this way, it could be a sign that their early years were a time where they had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs. This would have meant that not only would they have disconnected from their needs, they would also have felt ashamed of them.
They would then receive approval by meeting their caregiver’s needs, and this would have meant that they would have had to develop a false-self in the process. Being there for others is then an indirect way for them to get their needs met, and the while this is not going to be fulfilling, it is going to be what feels comfortable.
For as long as one remains disconnected from the pain that they experienced by not getting needs met as a child, it will be normal for them to want to ‘save’ others. This is not to say that they won’t want to be a therapist or a coach once they have worked through their pain, but this could be something that happens.
Once one is in touch with how they feel, it is likely to be a time where they will be mourning their unmet childhood needs, among other things. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/ or a support group.
Oliver JR Cooper