One thing a woman may find, when it comes to her relationships, is that she has the tendency to be drawn to men who are not very pleasant. As a result of this, she could struggle to understand what is going on.
Due to the experiences that she has had with a number of different men, she may believe that she is a victim. There are then going to be men out there who want to cause her harm and there is going to be absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Two Sides On one side, then, there will be the type of man that she wants to be with, and, on the other, there will be the type of men who she ends up with. It may seem as though she has no control over this area of her life. She might believe that the only way her life will change is if she gets lucky and is able to meet a man who is different. At the same time, she may find that she has met men who were different but not been attracted to them. Perplexed Even though this has taken place, she might not give it much thought, preferring to see herself as a victim. If this takes place, her life will most likely continue to go down the same path. If, on the other hand, she was to think about this, she may find it hard to understand why this takes place. A man will then treat her with respect, be dependable and consistent, amongst other things, but for some reason, she will have the need to get away from him. A Strong Pull What she will find is that a man who doesn’t treat her well will be what has a strong effect on her. This is not to say that she will have positive thoughts running through her mind when she is with a man like this; what it means is that even though her mind will experience resistance, her body will respond differently. Said another way, her mind can tell her to leave but her body can want her to stay. The inner conflict within her will then make it harder for her to cut her ties with a man like this, causing her to stay in a relationship that is not serving her. The Experience A man like this could physically harm her or he might verbally abuse her, which will make it hard for her to feel good about herself. She might not know where she stands with him or if he is going to walk away. This will then be a relationship that lacks any kind of stability, consistency, love or respect. A relationship like this will cause her to suffer, which could mean that just about every other area of her life could also fall apart. Something Is Not Right If a woman like this was to talk her friends, she could end up being told that she just needs to end the relationship. They could even say that this is just what men are like, with this most likely being a sign that their friends are not in a good place either. Walking away may get her out of a toxic situation, yet unless something changes, she could end up in the same situation before long. The big question is: why does this keep taking place? Deep Down In order for her to find out why she has the inclination to end up with men who are abusive and to stay well away from the ones who aren’t, it will be essential for her to find to what is taking place in her unconscious mind. If she was to focus purely on her conscious mind, she is unlikely to find the answers that she needs. This part of her can say that this is not what she wants and the resistance that she has to being with an abusive man will be seen as the proof. What she is likely to find, if she goes deeper into her being, is that being with an abusive man is what feels safe. A Different Agenda During this time, it will be important for her to not get too attached to what her mind comes out with; if this takes place, it will make it harder for her to truly connect with what is taking place at a deeper level. Her mind could struggle to understand why this would be what feels safe, and this will come down to the fact that the mind forgets what is has forgotten – it’s simply a defence mechanism. The reason why this can be what feels safe can be due to what took place at during her early years. At this stage of her life, her father might not have treated her very well and there wouldn’t have been anything that she could do to protect herself. Two Stages Being treated badly by her father would have felt uncomfortable, but as time passed, her mind would have come to associate this behaviour as what was familiar. What is familiar is classed as what is safe to the unconscious mind. So, as being treated in this way is what feels safe, it will be normal for her to be drawn to a man who will allow her to re-experience what took place all those years ago and to play out the same dramas. These experiences would have no doubt set her up to believe that she was worthless, meaning that she will carry a fair amount of shame. Self-Knowledge Another way of looking at this would be to say that her unconscious mind is causing her to recreate her early experiences so that she can heal her pain and evolve. This is something that is called repetition compulsion. The trouble is that unless she is aware of what is going on, she won’t be able to make use of the information that is being given to her and to gradually transform her life. What can happen is that she will become bitter and end up blaming all men. Awareness If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to transform this area of her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. The kind of man that she is drawn to will gradually change as her inner world changes. This is likely to be a time when she will be working though the trauma that is being held in her body and mind.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If someone has PTSD, it is likely to be a sign that they have experienced something that has overwhelmed their system. Or if it doesn’t relate to one thing in particular, it could show that a number of things had this effect on them.
Either way, due to how overwhelmed they were by what took place, it wouldn’t have been possible for their system to integrate the experience/s. As a result of this, they can continually re-experience what took place or certain parts of it. It is Futile It could be said that the reason they continually re-experience it is because their being is trying to integrate the experience. But, due to the impact it had on them and how strong the charge of the experience is, it is not possible for this to take place. Instead of being able to re-integrate what took place and then to move on, they simply end up being re-traumatised all over again. This is one reason why it is so essential for someone in this position to reach out for external support. A Vital Element Due to how fractured they are internally, they are unlikely to have a lot of inner strength at this time in their life. Like a building that is nearly falling down, they will need external support to make up for what they lack internally. Reaching out for support is not simply going to be good thing for them to do; it will be something that is essential. If they don’t do this and just suffer in silence, their life is unlikely to get any better. Trapped The trouble is that even though they are in pain, part of them could associate reaching out to other as something that is a sign of weakness. What they experienced may have caused them to experience a fair amount of shame, with this causing them to feel flawed and as though there is something inherently wrong with them. This shame could have such a negative effect on their life that it could end up practically paralysing them. Ultimately, this part of them will be nothing more than a parasite - something that will have taken over their system and ended up defining how they see themselves. Reach Out The sooner one realises this, the sooner they can allow themselves to get the help that they need. One may need to use every bit of energy that they have to push themselves in this direction. If they can do this, they will be able to look back in the future and realise that they did the right thing. They are already going to be in a pain, pain that is bound to increase if they don’t do something to change their life. Protection If someone is carrying trauma, it doesn’t mean that they will always feel overwhelmed. The reason for this is that they can have a number of ways to manage what is going on within them. One way this can take place is by avoiding certain environments or by withdrawing altogether. Their greatest need will be to avoid feeling overwhelmed, meaning that a number of their other needs can end up being ignored. Survival Mode Having fun and spending time around people who make them laugh, for instance, is then not going to be on their mind. Being in an environment that doesn’t overstimulate them, on the other hand, can be the only thing that matters. This doesn’t necessarily mean that one will consciously ignore their other needs; this can be something that just happens. What this will illustrate is how much pain they are in and it can be seen as a reflection of how their brain is unable to function in the right way. A Big Challenge Withdrawing will allow them to gain a small amount of control, and not having control can be seen as something that would lead to their demise, however, when the time comes for them to sleep, they will need to let go. This can then be a time when they can feel as though they have absolutely no control and once they get to sleep, their unconscious mind can bring this pain to their attention via nightmares. Getting to sleep will be the first problem and staying asleep with be the second problem. These two challenges, like the other challenges that they experience, can be gradually resolved by working with a therapist tor a healer, for instance. In The Meantime If someone is in a lot of pain, the last thing they are going to want to do is to wait until their life changes until they can sleep properly – they will need help now. Fortunately, there are a number of things that they can do to settle themselves down so that they can sleep. Firstly, a little while before they go to bed, doing some kind of exercise that will more or less exhaust them can help to settle them down. Secondly, taking a good magnesium supplement can settle their nervous system down and thereby, allow them to feel more relaxed and enable them to stay asleep for longer. Another Thing In the same way that a teddy bear can allow small child to sleep more easily, using a few pillows can have the same effect. Through having a pillow on either side of them, it can provide them with additional support and they will give them something to hold onto. These pillows can allow them to feel more supported and they will give them a greater sense of control. Thanks to the additional support and control that they experience through having these next to them, it can make it easier for them to sleep. Awareness If they feel that two pillows are not enough, they could use even more or look into getting two big teddy bears. What is important here is that they do what they need to do deal with what is going on for them. No matter what they have been through, they don’t deserve to suffer. They can make a commitment to themselves that they will find a way to move forward and to gradually transform their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A lot has been said recently about the attack on masculinity and even about how men in general are being undermined. When it comes to masculinity, it is often made out that men are the only ones who have this element, which is then why men end up being seen as bad.
This is, of course, not the case, as both men and women have this element within them. To demonise the masculine aspect, then, doesn’t just have a negative impact on men; it also has a negative impact on women. Resistance A woman who wants to develop this side of her nature could end up taking a step back, not wanting to embrace something that is so destructive. Consequently, she could continue to act in a passive and submissive manner. Ultimately, both of these elements are neither good nor bad; it all depends on how each aspect is used. For example: the feminine aspect can create something that is good or bad; the masculine aspect can destroy something that is good or bad. Undeveloped But while a lot has been said about how destructive masculinity is and how men need to let go of this side of them, there are a lot of people who are surprised by this. For a lot of men, masculinity is seen as something that they don’t have enough of. A man like this can allow people to walk over him, to behave in a passive manner and to lack drive. It will then be clear to him that he needs to embrace more of this side of his nature, that’s if he wants to live a life that is worth living. The Other Side There are then going to be a lot of women who will believe that a lot of men need to become more masculine. Perhaps, they have spent a lot of time around men who lack backbone and who are extremely submissive. For a woman like this, it will be clear that men like this need to develop this side of their nature. From the experiences that she has had with men like this, she will know that their behaviour is not allowing them to live a fulfilling life. Another Scenario Yet even though there are some men who have more or less disconnected from their masculine nature, there are going to be others who have more or less disconnected from their feminine nature. Nonetheless, if a man like this was to hear this, he might dismiss what has been said. He could say that he is a man and this means that there is no ‘femininity’ within him. Being told such a thing could cause him to say that this is just another way that the world is trying to turn men into women. Two Elements It would be easy to say that both men and women are fifty percent masculinity and fifty percent femininity. The trouble with this outlook is that some women are more masculine than feminine and some men are more feminine than masculine. Now, although certain things can be done to elevate someone’s weaker side, this doesn’t mean that they will become a completely balanced human being. No matter what they do, there is the chance that one side will always be stronger than the other. A Closer Look What took place during ones early years, what their birth was like and what it was like for them in the womb can all play a part in what they will be like as an adult. When it comes to their time in the womb, one’s mind might have no recollection of what it was like, but it will still play a part in what their ‘personality’ is like. Taking all this into account, there is going to be no point in trying to “re-educate” boys (or even men) who have well developed masculine natures. Doing this may cause this side of him to be repressed, only to come out in a destructive manner latter on. One Energy So, when it comes to a man who is very much in touch with his masculine nature, it can seem as though he doesn’t have a feminine aspect. His outer appearance is then going to be a reflection of his inner appearance, so to speak. A man like this might not care about other people’s feelings, having very little interest in empathising with others. His feelings can be seen as things that need to be controlled, not embraced. One Level Through being this way, it can be as if it is only possible for him to relate to people on a certain level. Connecting to people mentally is then going to be the norm, with him having no interest in connecting to them emotionally. Other people can then be kept at a distance, with him only having mental and physical needs to fulfill. If he is in a relationship, there could be no feelings involved and, if he has any children, he could be just as distant. This could mean that he is only interested in facts and things that can be proven, not trusting feelings or being interested in the information that they can provide. What can be seen with his eyes will be real, whilst what can’t will be unreal and pure fantasy. The Pattern Continues When a man behaves in this way, it is unlikely that he has a good connection to his heart. Maybe, his emotions were more or less overlooked during his early years, setting him to stay in an emotionally undeveloped state. During this time in his life, his father may have been emotionally shut down and not acknowledged his feelings. And, as stated above, what happened to him when he was born and whilst he was in his mother’s womb, may have also played a part. Awareness If a man like this wants to become a more balanced human being, it could be something that takes a little while. Deep within his being, he could be carrying a lot of pain and this is likely to mean that he will have a lot of shame within him. For him to become a more integrated human being, he will most likely need to reach out for external support. This will mean putting his independence to one side and embracing his interdependence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
From the moment one wakes up, their senses can be end up being bombarded with stimuli. This is something that can take place if they look at their Smartphone shortly after they wake up.
Their mind can end up being stuffed with information that is both useful and useless. After this, they may have to go to work via train or tube, which is likely to mean that they will be exposed to numerous adverts, sounds and smells. The Next Phase Once they get to work, they may end up spending a number of hours on a computer taking in more information. And, during the moments when they get a break, they could end up going through their Smartphone. Their journey home is likely to be very much the same as their journey to work. If they use their Smartphone for most of their journey home, it may allow them to block out a lot of the external stimuli. Back Home After their day at work, they might just want to sit down and watch TV, while looking through their Smartphone. If they were to go for a run, for instance, this can still be a time when they will listen to music. When the time comes for them to go to bed, they could end up going through their phone, losing track of time in the process. When someone lives like this, or in a way that is very similar, it is going to be clear that they rarely have time to be with themselves. One Direction Ultimately, a lot of information is going to be consumed by them and this is going to make it harder for them to connect with what is going on within them. For this to take place, they will need to limit the amount of information that they consume and to spend more time in their own company. Through doing this, it will create the space for them to be with themselves and to tune into the information that is within them. If they were to do this, they could end up coming into contact with new ideas and ways of seeing things. Silenced What will become perfectly clear, if someone was to do this, is how normal it is for them to be completely out of touch with their inner world. In the same way that a gold bar would be covered up if a ton of bricks were dumped on top of it; the richness that is within them will have been covered up by all the noise of the world. Instead of being able to contribute something that is slightly different, they may only be able to contribute things that are very similar to what is already been shared. Therefore, their mind is not going to be flexible, it will be very fixed. Not an Issue For as long as one continues to live in this way, and living in this way is not a problem, there is going to be no reason for them to change anything. Their senses will spend a lot of time being stimulated and this will estrange them from their inner world, yet this will be the norm. If they were to get to the point where living in this way is too stressful for them or if they wanted to start their own business, they may see how destructive it is to live in this way. Taking a step back from all this stimulation would become important to them, giving them the need to change their life. Regaining Control By limiting the amount of information that they take in and spending time away from anything that is stimulating, it will give them the chance to connect to their own inner voice. In the beginning they may find that it is hard for them to connect to themselves and that they feel a strong need to reconnect to the stimulation. This is not going to be much of a surprise, especially if they have been hooked on all this stimulation for a number of years. The key will be for them to be patient and to think about the bigger picture that will unfold as time goes by. A Number of Ways Not only can they feel the need to reconnect to the stimulation as soon as they are away from it, but they can also find that there is not a lot going on within them. Again, they will need to hang in there and to allow this connection to gradually form. Over time, this may mean that they will end up having the urge to write something, to paint or to create a video. This could then become a hobby that is deeply fulfilling or it could end up being an even bigger part of their life. Awareness One can turn everything off in their house/apartment and see what comes up, or they could go into nature. The more silence there is around them the easier it can be for them to connect with their inner world. When one has this connection to themselves and they can share their something that has been shaped by their own experiences on this earth, it can allow them to feel more connected and to experience more positive feelings. Furthermore, what they share can have a positive effect on others.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, the mainstream media routinely covers instances where someone has been offended by something. At times, what has taken place can receive a fair amount of attention, and, at other times, it can receive a small amount of attention.
But, while this source typically covers instances that have taken place a little while ago, one can browse through a social media site to see it happening in real time. Here, one can instantly find out about what has caused another person to be offended. Two Worlds If the mainstream media reports on something, it can relate to what has taken place online or offline. Likewise, if someone online is offended about something, it could be due to what has occurred online or offline. What this shows, then, is that someone doesn’t need to be around other people in order to get worked up about something. Thus, someone could go somewhere that is completely isolated, but as long as they have a device, something will disrupt their inner peace. Unavoidable One way to look at this would be to say that being offended is simply part of life and that the world is not going to align with how they think it should be. With this in mind, it is going to be a total waste of time and energy for someone to continually get worked up about things. Behaving in this way can stop them from using their time and energy to actually make the world a better place. It will be as if another person is telling them to jump and they will jump just about every time, having absolutely no control over themselves. Self-Reflection Therefore, if someone values their time and energy, they will see how wasteful it is to get offended all the time. If, for example, there is something in particular that annoys them, they could invest their time and energy into doing something about it. They will then be able to do something constructive with their time on this earth, as opposed to allowing their surroundings to toss them around. This will allow them to be a cause and not purely an effect. The Modern-Day Outlook However, even though the world is not perfect and there will always be things that cause annoyance, there are plenty of people in the western world who are unable to accept this. As a result of this, they will believe that the world should always align with their view of how it should be. Through being so idealistic and not having an outlook that is grounded in reality, it is going to be normal for them to be tossed around. How they feel is then typically going to be defined by what is taking place externally. Analogy In a way, it will be as though they are walking barefoot on ground that is full of big and small nails. There will be big and small things that will get a rise out of them, making it hard for them to feel at peace. If they were walking on nails, it would be essential for them to put something on their feet; this might not take all the discomfort away, but it would certainty make a difference. Equally, having a more detached approach to life won’t make them immune to what is taking place around them, but it will almost certainly have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Self-Absorbed Based on how they behave, it can show that they believe that the world should revolve around them and that they shouldn’t have to adapt to the world around them. If this is the case, one is likely to have an inflated sense of importance. On the other hand, if one didn’t have a grandiose sense of importance or even if they felt as though they were not important, they probably wouldn’t expect the world to be this way. It will be all about their needs, with them giving little though to the needs of others. One-Sided It will up to other people to make sure that they don’t do or say anything that will have a negative effect on them. What this is likely to mean is that they won’t give much thought to the effect that this would have on free speech. Controlling what other people can or can’t do might allow them to feel better, but it is highly likely that this would also end up having a negative effect on their life. Their ability to express themselves would be heavily restricted, and they soon come to see that they are living in a prison without bars. Consequential Thinking One of their greatest needs will be to live in a world where nothing ever bothers them, and this is basically going to be a world that is sterile. One way to imagine this would be to think about a world that only contained soft things and had nothing that was hard or sharp. It will be a world that is comfortable, that’s for sure, yet it will be a world that is totally bleak. Thanks to being so consumed by their own feelings, it will stop them from being able to empathise with others and to reflect on the impact that this would have on their fellow citizens who have views that don’t go along with what is classed as acceptable. Socially Acceptable Behaviour What can make it even harder for someone to realise how destructive it is for them to try to control what other people say and do is that this kind of behaviour is supported by different parts of society. Ironically, numerous universities and colleges are happy to restrict free speech. This is then tantamount to someone going to a gym to get fit, only to be told that they are not allowed to use any of the equipment. If a university/college restricts what someone can or can’t say to make sure that no one else is offended, would it be accurate to say that it has abandoned the principles that it was founded upon? Conclusion It would be easy to say that the attack on free speech is being instigated by people who are narcissistic, but it is not this black and white. Another thing that needs to be taken in account is the fact that certain elements of society encourage this type of behaviour. If the support at the top wasn’t there, this kind of behaviour wouldn’t be taken seriously. The question is: are people like this being used to move the citizenry down a certain path? If they are merely pawns, what is the endgame?
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Just under a week ago I wrote an article titled, ‘You Can’t Have Anything Until You Don't Need It.’ I wrote this article after I had looked through, ‘Creating Money: Attracting Abundance’ by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer.
Along with the part of the book that I spoke about in the aforementioned article, there was another part of it that caught my attention. This part went into an area that I wasn’t overly familiar with. Seldom Spoken About I came across a page that went into how someone can find out if their higher self is talking to them. Now, while I had heard of this term before, it was not something that I had read a great deal about. The high self is often seen as the part of us that is more developed and is able to see the big picture. So, while our ego is limited when it comes to what it can see and what it knows, this part of us is not restricted in the same way. A Mystery As I didn’t know a great deal about the so-called higher self before, I thought it seemed a bit airy-fairy. But although part of me found it hard to relate to it, another part of me thought there must be something to it. After going over what was written in this section of the book, this other part of me settled down and I was able to connect to it more. A Big part of this came down to the fact that it had been explained very well. A Big Clue What it said was that there are the feelings and thoughts that someone usually has and then there are the feelings and thoughts that they have that are different. When they have a thought or a feeling that is different, it can be a sign that their higher self is talking to them. For example, if someone is walking and they suddenly get an idea to go somewhere where they wouldn’t usually go or they get the urge to call someone who they haven’t spoken to in a while, this could be a clear sign this part of them is reaching out. Therefore, unlike the mind that will typically churn out the same thoughts over and over again, this part of them will provide them with new thoughts. The Key I ended up remembering a number of occasions in my own life when I had the urge to do something different and went along with it. On each occasion, I didn’t know what was going on, yet I was glad that I took action afterwards. The first step is then to notice when this takes place and the second step is to follow through. Before long, you will be able to do this naturally without having to think too much about it. Final Thoughts Listening to this part of yourself can make it easier for you to achieve your and to come into contact with people who will enrich your life. It can also allow you to avoid things that would have held you back.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that someone would need to be in the right place in order to drive a car, they would also need to be in the right place to have a relationship. When it comes to the former, if someone was unable to drive or was drunk, it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to drive.
On the other, when it comes to the latter, if someone generally neglected themselves and felt as though their life lacked meaning, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for them to start a relationship. One wouldn’t be in a good place, so it is unlikely that they would end up finding someone who is in a good way either. Not a Problem However, if they have the ability to detach from what they are going through and are able to see themselves in a more objective manner, they will be able to do something about their current situation. Therefore, in the same way that one would realise that they would need to learn how to drive before they try to drive a car, they will see that they have work to do on themselves. This might frustrate them in the short-term, but at the same time, they will be able to see that it will be worth it in the long-term. They might see that if they were to simply go ahead and find someone anyway, it would set them up to have even more challenges to overcome. One Step at A Time Not going right ahead and being patient, will give them more energy to work on their own issues. Putting their foot on the break, so to speak, will most likely allow them to come into contact with someone who is actually going to aid in their own evolution as opposed to adding more drama to their life. This process can take place by them reading books and applying what they learn, and they may need to reach out for external support. Simply having access to a search engine can give them access to all kinds of information. The Next Phase And, in the same way that someone would need to be in the right place to drive a car, they would also need to pay attention to what is going on when they are in the car. Likewise, there will be what needs to take place before one gets into a relationship and then, there will be what needs to happen when they are in one. When it comes to driving a car, one will need to be aware of what is going on around them and what is taking place on the dashboard, for instance. In a relationship, one will need to be aware of the effect that their behaviour has on the other person. Other Elements Along with this, being aware of what their needs and expectations are will also help. This will give them the opportunity to see if it is actually possible for their partner to meet a certain need and if they should have a certain expectation. Having a good level of emotional intelligence will also help, as this will allow them to take responsibility for how they feel. This will make them less likely to project their emotions onto their partner or shut down and to be moody if conflict arises. It’s Perfectly Clear When one not only has a certain level of self-awareness, but has the desire to continually improve their level of self-awareness and to heal their wounds, they will be able to find a way to resolve a lot of their issues and to come into contact with someone who is a good match for them. Through being this way, they will have the ability to handle what takes place within them and what takes place without once they are in a relationship. In other words, they will know how to drive and they will be on the ball when they are driving. A Radically Different Scenario The alternative will be for someone to have very little, if any, self-awareness while they are single and to be this way when they are in a relationship. It will then be a challenge for them to detach from what is taking place within them and to see themselves objectively. Regardless of what is going for them, they can still end up looking for a relationship. This may mean that they will find someone who is in a good place or it may mean that they will find someone who will cause them a lot of problems. The Next Part Once they get to this stage, they may expect their partner to meet all their needs and expectations. When this doesn’t take place, they can believe that the other person has let them down. Also, they can have the inclination to blame their partner for how they feel and to act moody when something doesn’t go their way, demonstrating their lack of emotional intelligence. One can then be totally oblivious to the effect that their behaviour is having on their partner. Awareness The trouble is that if someone does lack self-awareness, they can end up playing the victim when something goes wrong, which can just make their life even worse. The sooner they can start to develop self-awareness, the better their life will be. Thankfully, there are all kinds of resources online that can help someone to do just that. With the desire and the drive to develop self-awareness, there is no reason why someone can’t do this.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For quite some time now, a lot has been said about so-called ‘toxic masculinity’ and now, ‘traditional masculinity’ has been targeted by the experts at the American Psychological Association (APA). Masculinity is then a problem and, if a man has any masculine traits, it will mean that he is also a problem.
Based on this, the only way that a man will be able to redeem himself will be for him to cleanse his being of all masculine traits. In other words, the solution to his problem will be for him to become completely feminine. Confusion But, while this is all going on, it is relatively normal for a woman to be seen as ‘empowered’ and ‘independent’ if she displays masculine traits. A woman can receive this kind of feedback if she is a manager, for instance. Clearly, in order for a woman to have got to this position, she will have needed to have had a number of masculine traits. Courage, resilience and drive will be three of the traits that she will have needed. Another Angle There is the chance that even though she is a woman, she is more masculine than feminine. This could be seen as a surprise, especially if someone believes that men are one way and women are another. The fact is, however, that both men and women are made up of masculine and feminine energies. It is then to be expected that some women will have more masculine energy and some men will have more feminine energy. Doublespeak If this is put to one side for the time being, is a well-adjusted man someone who acts like a ‘traditional’ woman and is well adjusted women someone who acts like a ‘traditional’ man? Its then as if the goal is to reinvent the wheel, so to speak, as opposed to using a wheel that has worked for aeons. Or, is the main propose to make everyone (and everywhere) on this planet the same? This is then going to be the true agenda, even though the establishment endlessly harps on about how ‘diversity is our strength’. Two Problems So, when masculinity as whole is demonized, it means that the women who displayed ‘traditional’ masculine traits are also a problem. But, as the general focus is on men, this is generally not going to be realised. Along with this, if both men and women are made up of both energies, it is not going to be possible for both genders to be able to remove their masculinity. Now, this part of them can be repressed, of course, but this part of them would most likely end up being expressed in a dysfunctional manner if this was to occur. In This Together What this shows, then, is that the attack on masculinity doesn’t just affect men, it also affects women. The masculine energy, like the feminine energy, is neither good nor bad; it all depends on how it is used. Take the sky, for instance, this is often called ‘father sky’, while the earth is often called ‘mother earth. The people at the top, so to speak, understand that one of the best ways to distract people is to divide them; another way to distract them is to make out that an enemy ‘out there’ wants to harm them, which can bring the citizenry together and distract them at the same time. On Board with the Narrative Yet, while there will be both men and women who can see how absurd it is to demonise the masculine element in particular and men in general, there are going to be men and women who are right behind all this. Naturally, there will be a reason why a man is against masculinity and then there will be a reason why a woman is against it. Yet, due to the mainstream society being against masculinity, there will be no reason for them to question what they believe. It will be up to men who display masculine traits to remove this toxicity from their being, with the women who display these traits typically being overlooked. One Experience If a man is against masculinity, it can be a sign that he doesn’t have a good relationship with this part of himself. Perhaps he has rejected this part of his nature, causing him to come across as passive and submissive. What this could show is that, during his early years, his father wasn’t around and, even if he was, he may have been abusive. Either way, this may have meant that he wasn’t exposed to a healthy male figure at this incredibly important time in his life. A Lack of Backbone Through being treated badly by his father or simply not having a father around, he can carry a deep sense of being flawed. The issue he has with masculinity will then be a reflection of the issue he has with himself. And, through rejecting his own masculinity, not only can it impact his ability to move forward in his life; it can also cause him to attract people who walk all over him. He will be out of balance, so he will attract people who are equally out of balance. Another Experience If a woman, on the other hand, is against masculinity, it is also likely to show that she doesn’t have a good relationship with this part of herself. Nonetheless, she could still come across as highly aggressive. What this can show is that she doesn’t have a very good relationship with her feminine aspect either. The masculinity that she displays can then be a way for her to protect herself, with this being a sign that she feels very vulnerable behind the hostile mask that she presents to the world Back In Time At one point, she has most likely experienced a lot of pain and how she behaves as an adult is then a way for her to keep this pain at bay. Maybe, she grew up with an abusive father, too. Thus, instead of her father providing her with the safety and security that she needed to grow and to develop, she would have had to lose touch with her feminine nature and to develop a hard shell to survive. As a result, she may have the tendency to walk over others. Conclusion One way of looking at this is would be to say that it shows how someone’s early years can affect their adult life. The way that someone’s father behaved during this time can define the relationship that they have with their own masculinity and how they see men in general. With awareness and the right assistance, someone can work through their inner wounds and become an integrated human being. When this doesn’t take place, they will simply be replaying their early dramas and this will create even more disharmony in the world.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone has a full time job, it is likely to mean that it is a big part of their life. In fact, what they do for a living could be their whole life, meaning that it will be more than just something they do for a certain amount of hours each week.
What they could find is that what they do for a living is their life, with everything else being an additional part of their life. Therefore, whatever they do at the weekend - that’s if they don’t work during this part of the week – won’t be that important to them. A Fulfilling Career This may show that one does something that is deeply rewarding, which is why they don’t have the need to do much else with their life. There is also the chance that they are not in a relationship either, giving them even more time to focus on their job. In a sense, it will be as if they are married to their job, taking away their need to actually have a relationship. Their whole modus operandi could change if they were to meet someone, though. Another Scenario Conversely, someone could have a family, but what they do for a living could still be a big part of their life. They might do what they can to find time to be with their partner and even their children, or they might neglect this area of their life. Not only will it be good for their wellbeing to take a break from their work and to spend time with their family, it will also be good for their family’s wellbeing. If this doesn’t take place, they may soon find that they no longer have a relationship and that their children start to resent them. Another Part When a job is a big part of someone’s life, it is likely to play a big part in the identity that they have formed. If someone was to ask them what they do, they could say that they are an accountant, for instance. It is then not something that they do; it is who they are. In reality, it will merely be a role that they play for a certain amount of hours each day and have very little to do with who they actually are. One Outcome If their job plays a big part in how they see themselves, there is a strong chance that it also has a big impact on their sense of value. How valuable they feel could then depend on what they do and on the position that they hold within the company. Therefore, as long as they have this job, or don’t get demoted, they might be able to feel good about themselves. Taking all this into account, a job plays a far bigger role in the average person’s life than simply giving them the money they need to live. A Big Transition If someone was to get to the point in their life when it is time for them to retire, they may have mixed feelings. Part of them may think about how much free time they will have, but another part of them could feel really uncomfortable. What will play a big part here is if their job has been the centre of the world for many, many years. If it has, it is going to be normal for them to feel lost and as though their life no longer has any meaning after they have retired. An Inner Emptiness Although they won’t have lost a loved one, for instance, it can still be as though they have experienced a loss. The person they were will be no more, which means that their old identity will have basically died. If, then, they haven’t got any other interests in life, this is going to be a very challenging time in their life. Not only can they feel as though they no longer have a purpose, they can also feel as though they no longer have any value. A New Beginning What can add to what they are going through is that the modern day world values youth and doesn’t have the same level of appreciation for people who are at the other end of the age spectrum. Perhaps it’s because people on this side of the spectrum remind people of their own mortality. Anyway, the key will be for them to reinvent themselves and to realise that even though they no longer have the job they had before, they still have a lot to offer the world. For one thing, the break down of the family has meant that a lot of young people are in desperate need of guidance. Creating Meaning Retiring won’t be the end of their life, it will merely be the beginning of a new stage of their life. In order for them to transition to this next stage, they will need to make sure that they find new things to do. Staying active will be important, and this can take place by walking or swimming, for instance. Doing yoga or Pilates can also help to keep them supple and ready to embrace each day. Awareness If they believe that they have something to offer and look after themselves, people of all ages are likely to listen to them. Some people will look beyond their physical appearance and be able to see that they have a lot of value to offer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For quite some time now, it has been said that there are plenty young men that are suffering from motivational problems. Unlike a lot of young women, these young men don’t have a lot of drive.
But, as so much attention had been placed on young girls, this is an issue that has largely been ignored. What undoubtedly plays a part in this is the fact that, in general, females are seen as being oppressed and held back by the ‘patriarchy’, which is why so much energy and attention is directed towards young girls. Lopsided And, regardless of whether this is actually true or not, it has meant that a lot of young men are being overlooked when it comes to support and guidance. It’s as though young men can sort themselves out and don’t need any kind of support or guidance. Yet, even though this can appear to be the case, it is clear that young men need support and guidance just as young women do. So, bearing in mind how many young men not in a good way, it is pretty obvious that a lot needs to be done to get them back on track. A Big Problem One of the main reasons why so many young men are lost is surely due to the lack of male role models in society. Let’s say that a young man is at college/universality, what he could find is that most of his tutors are women. Along with this, his father might not be around, and, even if he is, he might not be emotionally available. Perhaps there another male figure there to fill in the gap or maybe there are no other male figures around. Looking Outwards If he was to look beyond his family and his university/college for guidance, he may look towards the world of entertainment. He could then come across a lot of men who come across as totally incapable and men who come across as though they don’t have emotions. Both of these types of men are not going to be good role models, but this could be as good as it gets for him. Thanks to the conditioning that he has received at home and during his time in the education system, he is unlikely to have a good view of himself. Behind Closed Doors If his father is not around, there is the chance that his mother has spent a lot of time criticising his father. This may then have set him to set him up to believe that men are basically worthless. Even though he would have most likely played no part in the reason why his father left, deep down, he can believe that it’s because he is worthless. Based on this, if he had value, his father would still be around. A Natural Consequence Through feeling as though he is a deeply flawed human being, it is not going to be a surprise for him to spend a lot of time feeling depressed, and even to withdraw from the real world and into the world of virtual reality. Being in this state is not going to supply him with much motivation, that’s for sure. It can be normal for him to be passive and to act as though his life has no purpose. He won’t value himself, so he is unlikely to value his time or believe that he will be able to contribute anything of value to the world. The Drip-Feed Approach What he may have learnt, during his time in the education system, is that masculinity is a problem. Perhaps he has had classes that talk about ‘toxic masculinity’ and how oppressive men are. This is then going to be another environment where he will receive negative messages about males and men in particular. And, if men are only causing problems in the world, why the hell would be wont to grow into one? Another Source It doesn’t stop there, though, as he will also have to deal with the hate that a number of mainstream media organisations direct towards men. Men are often painted in a negative light, while women are often painted in a positive light. The misandry that a number of these organisations embody can then play a part in why a young man would end up forming a negative view of himself. Even the American Psychological Association (APA) has been infected by the ‘men are bad’ ideology. A Total Shambles This organisation is supposed to exist to assist people with their mental and emotional challenges, not to indoctrinate them. According to these experts, ‘traditional masculinity’ is now a problem. Thus, even if a young man has a father around who does offer him guidance, he will still have to deal with messages that say that masculine traits are a problem and men are bad. Indentifying with women and displaying feminine traits can then be seen as the best way for him to survive in the modern day world. Conclusion Taking all these factors into account, it could be said that it is a minefield for a young man nowadays. If a young man has an emotional available father around, or someone similar, it will make it easier for him to handle this rocky terrain, but it still won’t be a walk in the park. Fortunately, if a young man is starved of support guidance, he can find plenty of information online that will assist him. There are books, articles and videos that will provide him with some of the support and guidance that is not being provided by anyone in the real world.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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