Just as there are many ways in which someone can respond when they get to another country, there are also a number of ways in which someone can respond when they feel worthless. In the same way that going to a new country can have a big effect on someone, feeling worthless can have an even bigger effect on them.
It would be more accurate to say that it not just a feeling, as it will most likely be something that has permeated their whole being. To see it as just a feeling would create the impression that it is something that can simply be ignored and have no effect whosever. Two Options Due to how powerful their inner experience of being worthless will be, they can respond in one of two ways. What they can do is embrace how they feel and allow this experience to directly affect their life. On the other hand, they can end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them, allowing it to affect them in a more indirect way. Therefore, regardless of whether they opt for the first or the second option, what is taking place within them will still impact their life. Down If someone goes for the first option and generally embraces this feeling, they can end up spending a lot of time feeling low. Being depressed can be a normal part of their life, making it hard for them to motivate themselves to do anything. What they are also likely to have is a strong inner critic that lays into them throughout the day. But, while this will be taking place within them, one could believe that just about everyone else is also putting them down. Two Types Thus, even if one is in the company of someone who is not critical, they could still believe that this person is judging their every move. Furthermore, one could also have people in their life who do put them down on a regular basis. As a result of what is taking place within them, they can believe that they deserve to be treated in this way. An outside observer could wonder why they put up with this, yet what is taking place externally will simply mirror back what is taking place within them. Up If someone goes for the second option and is generally out of touch with this feeling, they can spend a lot of time feeling as though they are better than others. This can allow them to experience a fair amount of good feelings. Unlike the person above, their inner critic will typically end up being directed outwards, causing them to come across as highly judgemental. When this happens, it will stop them from having to be on the receiving end of its abuse. A Sense of Superiority So, regardless of how they live their life or what they have achieved, they will be above most people. This inflated sense of their own worth and importance will help them to keep their true view of themselves at bay. There will be people who are repelled by them, whilst there will be others who are drawn to them. If one surrounds themselves with people who have a similar character, their feedback will make it easier for them to continue to behave in this way. A Way of Life Through being this way, one may be drawn to a number of different causes, with this being another way for them to tell the world how good they are. Thanks to these causes, one can make out that they are far more virtuous than anyone else. They might not be religious and believe in original sin, but they can still see the world as a place that is made up of saints and sinners. The phrases that they use may be different, yet they will still serve the same function – to elevate their value and to lower other people’s value. Another Form of Abuse Not only will this be a way for them look good, it will also be a way for them to release some of their aggression. If they didn’t do this, it would end up being directed towards them via their inner critic, with this having a negative effect on mental and emotional wellbeing. But, as they will be criticising people who are not living in the ‘right’ way, they will most likely be able to abuse people without getting into trouble. It is then not that they are acting in an abusive manner; it is that they are criticising behaviour that is ‘wrong’. A Few Areas This kind of behaviour can be seen in the political realm, with their being people on both sides of the spectrum who are on their high horse, so to speak. There are the people who don’t eat meat who are also self-righteous, using just about every opportunity to tell everyone how this makes them better than meat eaters. All the time that someone like this can maintain the view that they are better than others, it will allow them to keep their true view of themselves at bay. In today’s world, there are plenty of causes out there for someone to identify with, and social media will provide them a platform to tell the world how virtuous they are. Awareness In addition to feeling worthless, someone like this is likely to be carrying a lot of shame. What they do externally will then be a way of them to keep this part of themselves at bay and, if they were to stop behaving in this way, this shame would probably come up to the surface. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When it comes to explaining something it can be hard to explain it directly, which is why analogies can be so effective. Using an analogy can allow someone to get their point over a lot faster than they would otherwise.
Through thinking about something that is not related to the topic at hand, one can understand the topic that is being spoken about. Once this has taken place, there can be no need for them to think about the thing that is not related to the topic. An Interesting Area When it comes to psychology, there are plenty of people who will have heard of the term ‘defence mechanism’. Still, the average person probably doesn’t have a deep understanding of this area. They might be familiar with a few defences, such as denial or justification, but that could be as far as it will go. If this is the case, one thing that they could do, to gain a deeper understanding of this area of psychology, is to look towards the mainstream media. One Way Yet, instead of seeing the mainstream media as a combination of different organisations; they can see it as another human being. But, even though this human being has a different purpose to other human beings, it still uses defence mechanisms just like other human beings do. And just as defence mechanisms can cause one to harm themselves and others, the defences that the media use can harm themselves and others. The main difference is that due to how much power this source has, it will generally have a far greater impact than a human being. A Slightly Different Approach So, to kick things off, a human being will push certain feelings down that are too painful for them to handle. When this takes place, one will have repressed their painful feelings, allowing then to avoid their pain. When it comes to the media, however, certain information will end up being cast aside or ignored. Thus, just like someone will cut themselves off from their emotional truth by repressing how they feel, this source of information will often avoid what is actually going on, stopping a lot of people from finding out about it in the process. A Reflection One way of looking at this source would be to say that the reason it rarely reveals the truth is because it is undeveloped. Therefore, just as a human being will need to develop themselves in order to face their emotional truth, this source may also need to take the same approach. As a result of being stuck in an undeveloped state, it has to lie to itself, and this is why it has to lie to others. If it was to develop itself, it doesn’t mean that it would no longer use defence mechanisms; what it means is that it wouldn’t be dependent on one defence mechanisms in a particular. There Is More It doesn’t end there though, as this source also uses the defence known as ‘splitting’. When someone uses this defence, they will have the tendency to see everything as being black or white. The media uses this defence when it paints some people as good and others as bad, creating a one- dimensional view of the world. It will show that this source also can’t tolerate ambiguity, adding further weight to the view that it is undeveloped. Pointing the Finger When someone represses a part of themselves that is too painful for them to face, they can end up seeing this part in other people. Yet, as they will have disconnected from it, they won’t be able to see that what they find irritating in another is a reflection of what they have pushed out of their own awareness. In the same way, this source has things that it has lost touch with, causing it to project these parts into others. One example is when this source accuses ever other source of creating fake news, with this being a textbook example of projection. Resistance If someone was told that their partner is cheating on them and they were supplied with clear evidence, they could still end up denying it. Once again, this will be a way for them to avoid their feelings. Likewise, the media can also use denial when it is pointed out that what they have published doesn’t match up with reality. And, even if they do acknowledge what has taken place, they will most likely end up doing the same thing again before long. The Wrong Person Even though someone can get angry at how another person is treating them, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. Instead, they can end taking their anger out on someone else entirely. This is called displacement, and it is what happens when someone is unable to embrace their true feelings around someone due to not feeling safe enough. When they do embrace how they feel and express these feelings, it will most likely show that they are in the company of someone who is not perceived as a threat. A Target The media, through not being able to resolve something directly, can end up directing their anger at people who have played no part in their experience. A group of people can then end up being demonised for no reason. Conclusion There are bound to be a plenty of other defence mechanisms that this source of information utilizes, and these can be identified by reading more about this area of psychology. Having an understanding of these certainly makes it easier to see through the propaganda that this source comes out with.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Earlier on, whilst I was out, I spotted a book that caught my attention. This book was called ‘Creating Money: Attracting Abundance’, and it was written by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer.
A number of months ago I had looked through another book that Sanaya Roman has written, and this played a part in me reaching out for this book. This book was about awareness, and I remembered looking through it and thinking about how it was full of great advice. A Different Way I soon find out that the book about money was channelled, as was the book about awareness. When this takes place, it basically means that someone has received information from a being that is on the other side, so to speak. I must admit that when I first heard about this, many years ago, I thought it was a bit wacky. But as I’m open minded, I will read just about anything and then come to my own conclusion. Packed Full of Insights So, even though this book was also channelled, I was well aware of how good the previous book was. I ended up flicking through the book and a section of it soon caught my eye. One part said, ‘detachment is a mental letting-go, just as surrender is an emotional letting-go.’ I thought that this was a good way of looking at the difference between letting go mentally and letting go emotionally. The Main Part This wasn’t the part of the book that had the biggest impact on me, though; what had the biggest impact was something that touched upon another area. Another section went into need fulfilment and said, ‘it has been said that you can’t have anything until you don’t need it. This is not the same as not wanting it.’ Now, this was not something that I hadn’t heard before, but for some reason, I meant more this time. Many years ago, I heard Dov Baron say that ‘you can have anything you want as long as you are not attached to it’ or something similar. The Law of Resonance This comes down to the fact that the world (universe) responds to how we feel, not to what we say we want. If someone wants something and is coming from a place of desperation, the message they are sending out is one of lack, and this is then what they will receive more off. A simple way to understand this is to think about a time in your life when you were unable to find something that you needed it, yet, when you no longer needed it, it showed up. Your energy would have changed and this would have removed a lot of, if not all of, the resistance that was within you. Final Thoughts Two sayings that go into this paradox are ‘the hungry never get fed’ and ‘the richer get richer and the poorer get poorer’. In the first example, the ‘hungry’ have a strong attachment to food and, in the second, the ‘poor’ have strong attachment to money. It could then be said that shows how important it is to be in a place of peace and contentment, as opposed to a place of inner unease and discontentment. Undoubtedly, this is easier said than done.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The short film that was recently released by a big brand is yet another thing that focuses on ‘toxic masculinity’. There are some people who are pleased that it has been made, while there are others who have had a very different reaction.
If someone is on board with it, they could believe that some men need to realise that the behaviours that were pointed out in the video are not acceptable. Its then as though some men believe that bullying, harassment and violence, amongst other things, are essential when it comes to being a man. Confusion For the people who didn’t have a positive response to this video, they may struggle to understand this view. Someone like this could say that these behaviours have absolutely nothing to do with masculinity or being a man. If fact, someone could say that this is how a man behaves when he is not in a good way. Therefore, as opposed to saying that man like this is showing signs of ‘toxic masculinity’, it would be more accurate to say that he is a deeply wounded human being. A More Balanced Outlook It is then not that men like this were told that this is how real men behave or something similar; it is that they are behaving in a destructive way because their inner world is in a mess. What this also means, then, is that just as wounded men do destructive things, so do wounded women. This doesn’t mean that their behaviour is therefore excusable; what it means is that making it all about ‘toxic masculinity’ is not the answer. What really needs to be looked into, that’s if someone actually cares about men and the world in general, is why some men are behaving in this way. Both Sides Along with this, looking into why some women behave in destructive ways will also be important. The mainstream media typically makes out all women are victims and all men are perpetrators, yet this has very little basis in reality. When a woman behaves in a destructive manner her behaviour could be seen as a sign of ‘toxic femininity’, but once again, this wouldn’t shed light on why she is behaving in this manner. In order for a woman to make a false rape allegation or to physically abuse her own child, for instance, it surely shows that something is not right. Hurt People Hurt People If a man, or a woman, has the tendency to hurt other people, what it is likely to show is that at one point in time, they were deeply hurt by at least one person. Ultimately, it often takes a traumatised person to traumatise another. At this time, it is clear that a lot of people on this planet are carrying a lot of pain, whether they realise it or not. This pain is not going to be healed by making out that one gender is the problem; the only thing it will do is create more pain and suffering. Another Factor Naturally, it would be an overreaction to say that one short film proves that men are being demonised. Another thing that has played into this narrative is the guidelines that were recently released by the American Psychological Association (APA). This organisation has come out and said that ‘traditional masculinity’ is also harmful. So, traits such as stoicism, competitiveness, personal ambition, self-reliance, courage and aggression are now a problem. A Bizarre Situation If, then, a man possesses traits that are an important part of being able to function in the world, he is going to be seen as being a problem. What might not have occurred to these so-called ‘experts’, is that these are traits that both men and women posses. On one side, men are being criticised for possessing these traits, but on the other, women are being praised for having them. For example, if a woman is a manager of a company, it is highly likely that she possesses a number of the traits that are seen as being part of ‘traditional masculinity’. The Two Elements What this comes down to is that both men and women are made up of masculine and feminine energies. Ergo, even though it is often seen as ‘progressive’ to be ‘gender fluid’, all human beings are, by their very nature, gender fluid and always have been. With this in mind, is a moden day man someone who lets go of his masculine traits and embraces his feminine traits and a modern day woman someone who lets go off her feminine traits and embraces her masculine traits? Is it about turning men into women and women into men? A Daily Attack But, even if this short film hadn’t been made and the experts at the American Psychological Association (APA) hadn’t come out with any guidelines for men, there is still the propaganda that the mainstream media and the education system spew out on a daily basis. In addition what these two sources come out with, there are the men and women who are on the ground, so to speak, who help to spread the poison that is disseminated by them. If a man does this, it can show that he is carrying a lot of shame and attacking other men is then a way for him to feel better about himself, and, if a woman does this, it can show that she also has a lot of pain deep within her being. Conclusion When a society is full of men who have been beaten down and who hate themselves, it is going to be a lot easier to control the society. Furthermore, by having men and women fighting each other, it keeps them distracted. It is very tempting for someone to blame the opposite gender for all their problems and the ills of the world, yet this doesn’t solve anything. The only thing is does it allow someone to avoid taking responsibility for their own life, and, if they join a man/woman hating movement, they will add even more drama to the world. The trouble is that as the human mind has all kinds of defences that will allow someone to avoid their pain, it can be very hard for them to be able to own their own issues. Due to these defence mechanisms, it can seem as though the problem is always ‘out there’ as opposed to out there being a reflection of what one needs to resolve within themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While one could come across another person and not really experience anything, they could come across someone else and it could be as if their whole being has been hijacked. But, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will see this as a bad thing.
One will then have lost control, yet it will be seen as a sign that they have met someone who is right for them. Every part of their being is then going to be on green, telling them to move ahead. An Analogy Therefore, this scenario is likely to be very similar to how it would be if one went to look for a new car. There will be cars that don’t do it for them, cars that they like but are not enamoured with, and cars that they are strongly drawn to. In will then be a good idea for them to buy the car that really draws them in, that’s if they have the means to do so. If they end up with a car that doesn’t do it for them, it is unlikely that they will enjoy having the car. One Direction So, just like being drawn to a car will tell them that the car is right for them, being strongly attracted to someone will tell them that the peons is right for them. As a result of this, one will want to do what they can to take things further. Another thing that they may feel the need to do, after having met some like this, is to tell the people in their life about what has happened. They could end up telling these people that they have met someone who is perfect for them. Emotionally Uplifted No matter what their emotional state was like before they met this person, there is a strong chance that it has radically changed since that point in time. If they were not in a good place, now they will be, and, if they were in a good place, they will probably feel even better. In fact, it could seem as though they have been taken to another planet or that the planet they live on is so much better. It then won’t be necessary for one to be with this person in order to feel better; they will only need to think about them. The Next Step Let’s say that the other person is also attracted to them and things do progress, one could start to think about the future. They might think about what it will be like to live with this person and to even start a family with them, for instance. Now, as time passes, it could become clear that they are in a relationship with someone who is right for them. It was then a good thing that they responded in the way that they did, when they first came into contact with this person. Another Scenario At the same time, what one may find that this person is not good for them as time goes by. And, while this person might simply not be a good match; it could end up being far worse. For example, they could end up coming to see that they are with someone who is verbally or physically abusive. One will then have been on one side of the emotional spectrum at the beginning, only to go to the other side of it as time has gone by. Unbelievable If one felt so good at the beginning and just about every part of them was saying ‘go for it’, it can be hard for them to comprehend how this could have happened. One may end up taking place is that one will feel like a victim. It can seem as though they were deceived and, as a result, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Nonetheless, just because it seems as though they played no a part in what has occurred; this is unlikely to be so. A Potential Red Flag What it is likely to show is that they were simply unaware of what was going on, which is why they had no reason to question what was taking place and allowed themselves to be swept away by it all. Ergo, even though being strongly attracted to this person would have been seen as something positive, they were being deceived by what was taking place within them. To understand what most likely took place at this stage of their life, it will be necessary take a closer look into why someone would be attracted to another person. It would be easy to believe that this is typically something that takes place when someone likes another person’s appearance and their personality. A Deeper Look These two elements play a part, that is clear, but they are surface levels factors. There are other elements that play an even bigger role in why one would be attracted to another person. Below these surface level elements is the part that someone’s childhood has on who they are drawn to. Consciously, one can have the need to be with someone who will be a good match for them but, unconsciously, they will have the need to find someone who will allow them to resolve their early wounds. Repetition Compulsion Said another way, their conscious mind will want them to be happy, while their unconscious mind will want them to evolve. With this in mind, the reason one can feel a strong attraction to someone can be due to the fact that this person reminds them of one of their caregivers. At a deeper level, part of them will want to replay what took place all those years ago and then to resolve it. Without realising it, they will be projecting what they didn’t get from their caregivers into another person and, as time passes, these positive projections will start to fade out, being replaced by negative projections and the other person’s true nature will start to fade in. Awareness Taking this into account, if someone feels strongly attracted to someone, it might be a good idea for them to step back and to reflect. Doing this might save them a lot of pain in the long-term. What this emphasises is that while ones conscious mind can forget about what happened in the past, their unconscious mind doesn’t forget. This part of them will reveal why they are attracted to certain people. If one finds that they have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong people, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone ends up getting into self-development, it can be a sign that their mind is their own worst enemy. So, instead of this part of them giving them the support and encouragement that they need, it will be doing the complete opposite.
This part of them could have the tendency to produce negative thoughts and to continually construct negative scenarios. For as long as they can remember, this part of them may have tormented them. Snapped Out of It For one reason or another, one will have been able to see that this is not right and that they shouldn’t be experiencing life in this way. Thanks to this insight, it will have allowed them to take the first step, with the first step being to look into what they can do to change their life. Now that they are able to detach from what is taking place within them and to observe their mind, if only for a small amount of time each day, they may see that they usually experience the same old thoughts and scenarios. Therefore, regardless of whether they observe this part of them at the beginning of the week or at the end, it will be the same old story. Slightly Different At the same time, if they were to step out of their usual routine and had something different planned, what their mind comes out with could change. But, even though the thoughts might be different and even the scenarios, the general theme will most likely be the same. In other words, this part of them won’t be on their side; it will still be undermining them. And, even though what is going in their mind won’t be a lot different during times like this, one may find that they feel more comfortable with the other stuff their mind comes out with. Better the Devil You Know The reason for this is that this will be what is familiar to them, so it might be easier for them to tolerate. Still, if they are used to having a verbally abusive mind, it might not make much difference. Naturally, having all this stuff going through their mind is going to make it harder for them to move forward and to achieve their goals. In addition to this, they may find that it is hard for them to connect with others and to form deep and meaningful relationships. The Second Step What they may have learnt, after reaching out for support, is that they need to change their thoughts. By no longer having the same thoughts and or the same scenarios running through their mind, their life may slowly change for the better. One can then go from someone who had a mind that was operating on autopilot, to someone who has a mind that they are in control of. This won’t take place overnight, of course, but it may happen over time. The Perfect Outcome By applying their willpower and making sure that changing what is taking part in their mind is part of their day-to-day life, they may gradually become their own best friend. And, with this inner support and encouragement, just about every area of their life could gradually change. Their mind wouldn’t have been in a good place and this was then why the rest of their life was not in a good place. Then again, one may find that this approach works for a short while and then they start to revert back to how they were before, or they might not even be able to make much progress at all. The Wrong Approach Even though focusing on their mind seems like the right thing for them to do, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. The trouble is that as this is the area that the self-development world typically focuses on, it can make it even harder for someone to realise that it is not always about the mind. As a result of this, one can then end up spending year after year focusing on the wrong area. It is then similar to one looking in one room for something, even though what they are looking for is in another room. The Key Area If one was to get out of mind and to connect to their body, what they may find is that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body. Thus, while it may seem as though these negative thoughts are the problem, they are simply a defence that their mind is utilizing to make sure that they are not overwhelmed with pain. With this in mind, if this pain was no longer locked in their body, they would no longer need to have so many thoughts. Also, their thoughts that they do have would also most likely change in the process. Another Hurdle So, as the emotional pain underneath the negative thoughts can be even more painful, one may find that a big part of them would rather go back to how things were. Experiencing negative thoughts will be painful, yet it won’t be as painful as facing the pain that is fuelling these thoughts. If this is the case, one may find that they go back to how things were, even though this is not allowing them to live a fulfilling life. What needs to be brought into focus here is that mind, along with having the need to avoid pain, is only interested in what is familiar as what is familiar is what is safe, and experiencing negative thoughts is most definitely going to be what is familiar. Trauma The reason that they are carrying painful feelings in their body is likely to be because they have experienced trauma. One experience or a number of experiences would have ended up causing their whole being to be overwhelmed, and, as this was too much for them to handle, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to integrate the experience. If one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, it may show that what took place during their early years traumatised their being. Maybe this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Awareness In order for them to reintegrate, they will need to resolve the trauma that is in their body and mind. This is something that is not going to happen by playing around with the thoughts that are in their head or by changing their behaviour. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of days ago, a brand released a short film that was aimed at men, and this was there to remind men of their “toxic masculinity”. In addition to this part, it showed men how to act in a more civilised way.
In the past, this company would share adverts that were radically different, with them being right behind masculinity. Now, however, they have changed their tune and have basically jumped on the ‘masculinity is bad’ bandwagon. The Other Side A number of people, both men and women, have thought about whether the same company will do a video aimed at women, taking a closer look at “toxic femininity”. This would make sense, considering there are positive and negative traits associated with both energies, and especially if this company is actually interested in doing the right thing, as opposed to just using this issue to make more money. It is unlikely that this would take place, though, due to how men are generally demonized by the mainstream and women are generally idealised. Ultimately, it is easy to lay into men; they are an easy target – this must be part of ‘male privilege.’ A Little While Earlier Before this short film came out, the American Psychological Association (APA) released its first-ever guidelines designed to help mental health professionals assist men and boys with their ‘toxic masculinity’. It was said that traditional masculinity was, in general, harmful, and this related to traits such as: stoicism, competitiveness, personal ambition, self-reliance, courage and aggression. Taking this into account, it is not just toxic masculinity that men and boys need to root out; they also need to root out every other trait that is associated with masculinity. Still, as this is a respected organisation, they must know what they are talking about. Back To Reality Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason this organisation has come out with all this stuff is because they have a hidden agenda. On one level, it can seem as though this organisation is there to actually help people with their mental and emotional challenges but, this is just a facade. Running through the heart of this organisation will be the intention to indoctrinate the masses. This is then just another arm that the establishment uses to direct the masses in a certain direction. The Perfect Outcome According to this organisation, then, a well-adjusted man will be someone that has removed all of his masculinity - a castrated man. Unlike a man who has embraced this side of his nature, he will be an example to others. But while this will be seen as what a man should be like, it is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling existence for the man. For one thing, a man like this is going to end up being very passive and to lead a very reactive life. An Important Point What also can’t be overlooked here is that masculine traits are not only found in men; both men and women have them to varying degrees. This comes down to the fact that men and women are made up of both masculine and feminine energy. This is the plane of duality after all, which is why it is not possible to have one aspect without the other. Naturally, the key is to make peace with both sides and to integrate these two energies. A Strange Scenario So, as both of these aspects are an important part of life, there is no point in trying to demonize one aspect. Also, if women also have the masculine energy within them, it means that they can display ‘toxic masculinity’. If one aspect is demonised and it is believed that only men embody this aspect, it is going to be normal for men to be seen primitive beings that need to be domesticated by the more evolved gender. When a society is made up of men who have been worn down and are drowning in their own self-loathing, it is going to be a lot easier to keep everyone in line. An Easy Target Is it possible that the people at the top don’t give a damn about masculinity or femininity and merely want to enslave as many people as possible? Without strong men in society, women will be put in a vulnerable position, and this makes it easier for other ‘tribes’ to come in and to take over. This is, of course, one of the reasons why men have aggression, so that they can protect women and children from predators and provide the energy that is needed to build a society. It might seem as though times have changed and that there are no external threats any more, yet a simple look at what has been taking place recently will reveal that this is an illusion. Back To the Main Point Anyway, when it comes to ‘toxic masculinity’, bullying, violence and controlling behaviour are often put forward. It could be said that these are all examples of what happens when a man is being controlled by his aggression. Even so, to say that this means that aggression is therefore bad wouldn’t be accurate; aggression is an energy that is an inherent part of men (and women) and is neither good nor bad. What typically defines whether a man uses this force in a constructive or destructive way is what his early years were like. The Big Question Ergo, instead of purely focusing on ‘toxic masculinity’ and demonising men, what really needs to be looked into is why some men are behaving in destructive ways. Currently, the impression that is given is that a man consciously chooses to act in a violent manner, for instance. Based on this, if they are given guidance in regards to how to behave, they will simply change. For example, a man who goes around beating people up will then stop doing this once he realises it is the wrong thing to do. A Deeper Look What has most likely played a part in why some men are unable handle their own aggression and to behave in a civilised manner is the lack of guidance that they received growing up. Their father probably wasn’t around during this incredibly important time in their life or if he was, he might not have been available. The trouble is that in today’s world, it is often believed that the only purpose that a man serves when it comes to children is to provide the sperm and then to provide money later on. The guidance that a father provides in terms of showing a boy how to handle his aggression, amongst other things, is then not even going to be something that is considered. Conclusion So many children are being raised by single mothers nowadays, and this means that there are plenty of boys out there that are not getting the guidance that they desperately need. Perhaps these boys will grow up to show signs of ‘toxic masculinity’ or maybe they will go to the other extreme, coming across as passive, depressed and lacking sense of direction. With this in mind, if someone actually cares about men, and society as a whole, and isn’t just interested in using this issue to vent and to look virtuous, one of their biggest concerns will be to do what they can to keep families together or at the very least, to make sure that fathers are not cast aside. ‘Toxic masculinity’ is then an effect of a far greater problem - the breakdown of the family.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about borders and whether or not the time has come for them to be removed. And, when it comes to what someone’s views are on this topic, it can all depend on what side of the political line they are drawn to.
If someone is drawn towards the left of the line, they can believe that having open borders is the best option; whereas if someone is drawn to the right of the line, they can believe that this would be a terrible idea. This is then something that can create a fair amount of conflict between people. Another Scenario Along with this, even if someone is not all that interested in politics, they could still be all for open borders. There are at least two reasons as to why someone would have this position even though they are not overly political. What it could show that they have done some research on this topic and come to the conclusion that this is the right option. Or, it may be a sign that they are someone who has simply absorbed what the mainstream media and education system has come out with. One Purpose These two sources are supposed to be there to inform and to educate, but this is basically a facade. The education system takes people from a young age and indoctrinates them and, once their time there is done, the mainstream media carries on from where they left off. So, if someone has spent a lot of time in the former and spends a lot of time consumer the latter, it is not going to be a surprise for them to be all for open borders. These two sources of information often present open borders as though they are essential in today’s world. Another Influence Along with these two sources, one may have also heard pretty much the same thing come out of the mouths of their favourite singers and actors/actresses. This all helps to create the impression that this view is the ‘right’ view. It’s almost as if most of the people in this profession have the same brain, lacking the ability to form their own conclusions. Perhaps there are some actors/actresses whose whole life is just one big performance, with them not knowing who they really are beyond the roles that they play. An Easy Target Yet, even if an actor/actress is simply repeating something that they have been told to say in regards to open borders, it doesn’t mean that someone will be able to see this. Through putting this person on a pedestal and believing that they are more-than human, one can simply swallow everything that comes out of their mouth. This is one of the benefits of having celebrities go along with the accepted narrative; it becomes a lot easier to influence the masses. Having said that, perhaps certain actors/actresses were told that in order for them to reach the top and to become living gods, they would need to preach certain views. Another Reason They would then have gained the world, so to speak, but they would have lost themselves in the process. Someone like this can then seem to have it all; when in reality, they have lost the most important thing – themselves. Then again, an actor/actress could say one thing in public and another thing to their closest friends. They will then realise that if they want to continue to do what they love, it will be vital for them to pretend that they are on board with the accepted view, and, what is ironic here, is that Hollywood is somewhere that is constantly harping on about ‘tolerance’ and ‘diversity’. The Current State of the World Now, while there can be a number of reasons as to why someone can believe that having open borders is a good idea, what can’t be overlooked is what has taken place in certain parts of the world over the past few decades. For one thing, certain parts of the Middle East have been torn apart and, along with the physical damage that has occurred, there is also the effect that this has had on the psyches of so many people who live in this part of the world. So, to only think about the freedom that comes with open borders and the benefit this would have on people who generally need help, for instance, would be an oversight. What also needs to be taken into account is the other side of this; only focusing on one side will result in a lot of information being overlooked. An Analogy And, when it comes to making an informed decision, it is clear that the big picture needs to be looked at. One way get an idea of what has taken place in the Middle East would be to imagine that a hornets’ nest has been stirred up. Through disrupting this nest, there are naturally going to be a lot of hornets’ that are extremely angry about what has taken place, hornets’ that are not as angry, and other hornets’ that won’t have got worked up. And while some of these hornets’ that will soon pass through this experience, there will be others that won’t. The Sensible Approach Taking this into account, would it really be wise for the western world to open its borders bearing in mind the carnage that has been caused in this part of the world? Clearly, not everyone who lives there is going to want to seek revenge for what has happened to their country, but there will be plenty of people who will. And, even though most of the people in the western world played no part in what has taken place in the Middle East over the years, there are still going to be people in Middle East that have this outlook. To these people, the people who live in the western world will be seen as having played a part in what has happened to their homeland. One Hell Of A Mess If the leaders of the past and the present had not got involved in the Middle East, the world would probably be a lot safer. For a country to bomb another and then to open its borders to that country would be the height of insanity. To just take any one in from a country like this would be tantamount to someone eating food that had been laced with a small amount poison. This won’t be enough to kill them, but it will be enough to cause their body a fair amount of harm. Conclusion When it comes to an issue like this, it is essential for someone to not only use their heart but to also use their head. Their heart can cause them to focus on the people who desperately need help, while overlooking the people who want to cause harm. Empathy is important, that is clear, but when it comes to making sensible decisions, being able to think rationally is imperative. The heart only focuses on the here and the now and is idealistic, while the head is able to think about the future and is realistic. When the heart is elevated to a high position and the head is lowered and cast aside, it is inevitable that poor decisions are going to be made. And in this case, poor decisions will lead to even more harm being done.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Knowledge: Can Someone Feel Like A Victim If They’re Out Of Touch With Their Unconscious Mind?17/1/2019
In both mainstream society and the self-development world, it is not uncommon for the focus to be on the conscious mind. In both of these areas, what is taking place in this part of ones being can be the only thing that matters.
For example, let’s say that someone wanted to improve their life; they could end up being told that this shows that they need to believe in themselves. This could then end up being a time when they will start to change their thinking, in order to have more positive thoughts. A Similar Outlook Therefore, regardless of whether one looks towards mainstream society for guidance and ends up working with a cognitive behavioural therapist, for instance, or goes a different route and ends up working with a self-development coach who uses positive thinking and affirmations, for instance, one approach won’t be radically different to the other. Through getting their head right, one can believe that their life will start to move in the right direction. Now, there is also the chance that this approach will lead them to their desired destination. Another Outcome Then again, one could try this approach and find that their life doesn’t really change. Or if it does, they might only be able to get so far and, before long, their life could go back to how it was before. Consequently, one will be doing what they can to change their life, but it can be as though they are wasting their life. If one felt powerless and as though they had no control over their life before they tried to change their life, this experience could return once again. A Slightly Different Scenario Alternatively, could just find that one area of their life is not going as they want it to but they might not look for guidance. For example, someone could be clear about what kind of person they want to be in a relationship with, yet this might not happen. Instead, they could have the tendency to attract people who are not a good match for them, and they may even be abusive. There will be the kind of person who they want to be with and then there will be the kind of person who they actually end up with. No Control As a result of this, it can be normal for them to come to the conclusion that they are unlucky. If this is something that has been going on for quite some time, one could even see themselves as a victim. In their mind, they will be clear about what they want, and they may have even done what they could to make sure their external appearance is up to scratch. They may even come into contact with people who are surprised that they can’t find a decent mate, adding even more weight to their view - if they have this view - that they are a victim. An Analogy One way of looking at these two scenarios above would be to say that they have a lot in common with an engineer who tries to fix a computer by focusing on the screen. In this case, it will be clear that the engineer needs to stop focusing on the screen and to look into what is taking place below the screen – the computer itself. The screen will show that there is something wrong down below, which is why this part will need to be fixed. Trying to fix what is taking place above will just be a waste of time. A Big Difference However, while this is something that is going to be clear, the same can’t be said it comes to looking at what is taking place at a deeper level of a human being. What is taking place down below is something that is often overlooked in both mainstream society and the self-development world. It is then as though there is no such thing as an unconscious mind, with someone’s life being a reflection of what is taking place in their conscious mind. The part of someone that has the biggest effect on how they behave is then going to be completely overlooked. The Answers What someone is likely to find, if they get in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level, is why they are experiencing life in a certain way. But, without the knowledge that is within them, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim. It will seem as though the external world is victimising them; when in reality, they will most likely be the ones who are victimising themselves. Now, when it comes to their unconscious mind (body), this is typically the part of them that contains the painful feelings and memories that they are not willing to face. Out of Mind, But Not Out Of Sight These feelings and memories will have been forgotten about by their conscious mind, but the unconscious mind will be fully aware of them. And, as their conscious mind is not willing to face these aspects directly, the unconscious mind will have to reveal them to them indirectly and in a symbolic manner. This part of them can communicate with them in a variety of different ways such as: through dreams, the people who they attract and are drawn to, how their body responds to different food and environments. The trouble is that if one is not aware of these sings, they won’t be able to take advantage of them. Awareness There is a quote by Carl Jung that is highly relevant here, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” When someone’s starts to work through the trauma that is in their body, they will most likely find that their life gradually starts to change. The assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Online Dating: Should Both Men And Women Be Careful What They Reveal If They Want A Relationship?16/1/2019
If someone was to use an online dating app to try to find a mate, it is naturally going to be different to how it would be if they were to try to find a mate in the real world. For one thing, there will be only so much information available to them online.
When they are looking at another person’s profile, they will have a number of pictures to look through and they may even have a write-up to go over. It is then not really going to be possible for them to get a sense of what the other person is really like. In The Flesh On the other hand, if someone was to go out into the real world and to meet people, there would be a lot more information available to them. They would be able to ask another person questions and they would be able to see what they actually look like, as opposed to looking at pictures that may have been heavily edited. Furthermore, through being in their presence, it will give them the opportunity to see if they are a good match for them. This can be a time when their conscious mind might not be able to know if they are a good match, but their unconscious mind will let them know in one way or another. A Bigger Role So, unlike online dating where it is more about what someone looks like, the real world can be a place where someone’s personality has more of an impact. Therefore, if someone doesn’t look good pictures but they have a good personality, they might not do very well online. Yet, if someone looks good in pictures but they don’t have much of a personality, online dating could be a good option for them. This can make online dating sound very shallow and in a lot of cases, it is. The Other Side With that aside, if someone has a strong need to find a mate online, they can do what they can do make sure that they come across in a good light. Now, this may mean that they will do what they can make sure that they have a good write-up and that their pictures are equally as good. At the same time, what they may do is pay little attention to their write-up and do what they can do have good pictures. Having good pictures and an average write-up is likely to be better than the opposite. The Right Message Nonetheless, by having a good write up, it will give them the chance to let other people know exactly what they are looking for. One will be clear, which may allow them to be very clear when it comes to what they say on their profile. When it comes to the pictures that they upload, they may have a few of just them and a few where they are with their friends, for instance. Each picture may then show a different side of their nature. Keeping it Natural While they may share a few pictures of them from a certain angle, due to how this makes them look, they might not edit their pictures. They may be only too aware of how much better they would look if they did this, but that doing so would mean that they are presenting a false image. This may mean that they won’t pull as many people in, yet at least they won’t be misleading others. After all, if one can’t reveal what they actually look like on a dating app, how is it going to be possible for them to experience true intimacy? Consequential Thinking When it comes to the parts of themselves that someone decides to keep hidden and to reveal at a later date, it can all depend on if they are man or a woman. A woman may decide that she won’t share any pictures of her body; whereas a man may decide that he won’t share any pictures that show how successful he is or what his body is like. Deep down, the woman may realise that if she were to do this, it might cause her to only draw in men who are interested in one part of her. And a man may also have the same outlook. The Sensible Approach Once again, this will most likely have an effect on the amount of people they are able to pull in, but it will most likely be worth it in the long run. What this can also show is that someone like this values themselves, with this being the reason why they are able to hold certain things back. Clearly, if they were to reveal everything on their online dating profile it would allow them to bring more men/women in; the downside to this, of course, it that the quality of the people who they do bring in would probably go down. If one didn’t value themselves and had a strong need for approval, they could end up revealing everything, causing them to attract people who only want to be with them because they have a good body/a lot of money. Awareness What this illustrates is how important it is for someone to think about what kind of people they may attract if they share a certain part of themselves or their life on their dating profile. Just because they have it, it doesn’t mean that they have to flaunt it – not at the beginning anyway. When they speak to someone who ticks a number of their boxes, so to speak, and they end up meeting them to find out if there is something between the two of them, they can gradually reveal more of themselves. If this is done too soon, though, it will be even harder for one to know if another person is interested in all of them and wants a relationship or only a certain part of them and wants something else.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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