If was to come across two people, and they were to ask them how they find about what is taking place in the world, they might end up receiving two answers. On one hand, one of them could say that they read a paper and/or watch the news, and on the other hand, the other could say that they pay attention to the ‘alternative’ media.
Normal One way of looking at this would be to say that it is to be expected that one would come into contact with someone who pays attention to the mainstream media. This comes down to the fact that this is what most people do. Since the moment they were born, there is as strong chance that this is what they would have been exposed to. It is then what they are familiar with, and there is then going to be no need for them to find another source of information. Abnormal Whereas when it comes to the other person, one could be surprised that they pay attention to another source of information. The reason for this is that this is an approach that is not very common. What this will show is that somewhere down the line, they would have taken a step back from the mainstream media. Thus, even though they were familiar with this source of information, they still had the ability to question what was being said. Thinking When someone pays attention to the mainstream media, they may also say that they have the ability to think for themselves, and how they are getting the real news as opposed to the news that is being made up by the ‘alternative’ media. Based on this, there is going to be no reason for them to take a step back. The other person could then say that this shows how caught up they are, and that they are being taken advantage of by the mainstream media. Yet this is not to say that they would be surprised to hear what the other person has said, as it could be something they have heard on a number of occasions. Enslaved Still, this is not to say that everyone who pays attention to the media would have this outlook, as there are going to be people who will have a difference response. They could say that they don’t believe what they read or hear, and this could mean that they would be only too happy to find another source of information. But when this isn’t the case, it is likely to be a sign that one believes just about everything they come across, and it is then not possible for them to realise that they are being controlled. They could believe that the media exists to inform people, and if they were to try another approach, they would end up being uniformed about the world. Uniformed Therefore, there is going to be no reason for them to look into what is taking place in the ‘alternative’ media. And while they might have taken the time to see what this source of information has to say, they might not have got this far. Along with this, the people around them may also have said that the ‘alterative’ media can’t be trusted, and this could also be something that the mainstream media has said in one way or another. Through hearing this, one could believe that this proves they are paying attention to the right source of information. Two Reasons However, the only thing this will show is that they are surrounded by people who are also being controlled by the media, and that the media is doing everything they can to stop people from realising what is taking place. And as the mainstream media has been in control for so long, they are not going to want that to change. Therefore, will one continue to be conditioned by the mainstream media, and this will allow the people behind the scenes to fulfil their agenda. The only way for them to do this is to keep it hidden, and this is why it is so important for them to keep people distracted. Misinformed This can take place through giving people the wrong information, and this means that it will stop them from finding out about what is actually taking place. Another way this takes place is by directing their attention towards things that will keep them occupied. One of the primary ways this happens is through giving a lot of exposure to celebrities. Through doing this, it is not necessary for the media to give people a rough idea of what is happening or to give them real news. Inner Unrest But keeping people in a state of ignorance is not enough; the media also likes to make it hard for them to function. One way this take place is through keeping people in state of fear and anxiety. This then makes it harder for them to think properly, and they will be easier to control. In fact, one could be so used to experiencing life in this way, that they might not even notice it. Guilt What will also make it hard for people to think clearly is when they are consumed with guilt, and this will also make it easier for them to be taken advantage of. The media can cause people to feel guilty through talking about what their ancestors did or how they are ‘privileged’ in some way, for instance. And while the kinds of things they talk about can sound right, this doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. However, as people are generally uninformed about what is taking place in the world and history itself, they might not even realise this. Conclusion What this shows is that if one feels guilty after being exposed to the mainstream media, it will be important for them to take a step back. While there is the chance that this is the sign that they are doing something wrong, there is also a greater chance that they aren’t. When one can think clearly and they are informed about what is taking place in the world, they will be a lot harder to control. So just like one is careful when it comes to what they put in their mouth; it will also be important for them to be careful when it comes to what they allow into their mind.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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If one has the need to achieve something, there are a number of different approaches that they can take. And what they do can all depend whether they like to think and then act, or whether they like to act and then think later.
When one prefers to think before they act, it might take them a while to get the ball moving; whereas if they prefer to take action, this might not be the case. Having said, it might not be this black and white. The Goal What could also play a part in what takes place is what it is that one wants to achieve, as it might not be necessary for them to do a lot of thinking. So regardless of whether they usually take the time to think things through; they could end up taking action straight away. Along with this, if one had the tendency to act without thinking, they could also have moments when they hold back. Therefore, there is not always going to be a difference when it comes to how people behave. The First Step With that aside, if one was to think about what they wanted to achieve, they may look into what steps they need to take. For example, one could have the desire to become a teacher, and this is likely to mean that they will probably need to get the right training. The first step might be for them to go online and to find out where this can take place, and after this, they may need to sign up to a course. Thus, in a matter of time, they will be able to get the training that they need to teach others. Mindset Throughout this process, one may have been full of belief and experienced positive thoughts, and there would have been no reason for them to focus on having the right outlook. This could be a sign that they have a lot belief in themselves, and they may also have been surrounded by people who supported them. At the same time, one may have had moments where they thought about if they had what it takes, and as a result of this, they may have spent time on their mindset. During this time, they may have read books on positive thinking or used affirmations, for instance. The Balanced Approach On one hand, they were taking action, and on the other hand, they made sure that they had the right outlook, as well as the right thoughts. Through taking this approach, it could be said that they were in balance, and this is what allowed them to move forward. The opposite approach would have been for them to make sure they had the right outlook and to think positive, and then to do nothing else. This is something that would give them a boost, but that would be about as far as it would go. Wasting Time However, if one was to get caught up in having the right outlook and the right thoughts, they might not realise what is taking place. Due to this, one would be wasting time without realising it, or they might think that this is the only thing they need to do in order to achieve something. Through having the right outlook and the right thoughts, they may believe that their life will fall into place, and while this may have been something they learnt through reading a book or watching a video, for instance, they may have picked it up from a friend. Perhaps it was a bit of both, and one developed this outlook through the kinds of things they learn when they were with their friends. An Important Part Now, it is clear to see that it is important for one to have a positive outlook and to have positive thoughts from time to time, as this will give them the encouragement that they need. If one didn’t have a positive outlook, they might not even take the first step. This could cause one to believe that they have no control over their life, and it could then be normal for them to life a life that is not very fulfilling. In this case, it would be a good idea for them to develop themselves. Inner Experience And while one could believe that their life will fall into place through simply having the right outlook and the right thoughts; this might not be the only reason why they won’t take action. It can also come down to how they feel through having a positive outlook and always having positive thoughts. Through changing what is taking place within them, they might no longer be aware of anything that is ‘negative’, and this can then cause them to no longer experience pain. As a result of this, they are no longer going to be in touch with the part of themselves that will drive them forward. Discomfort What this comes down to is that when one wants to achieve something, it is usually because they are experiencing some kind of discomfort. Their life is not how they want it to be, and this pain is there to give them the motivation they need. So if one stays in touch with this pain, it can drive them forward; however, if one loses touch with it through only allowing themselves to have positive thoughts and to feel good, they could soon lose the desire to achieve something. What is taking place in their head will then have caused them to be complacent, and there will be no need for them to do anything. Short-Term Fix But as time begins to pass, they could soon find that their positivity begins to wear off, and this will then cause them to get in touch with their true feelings. Still, this doesn’t mean that one will be able to face how they feel, as they could end using the same approach all over again, and this process could go on and on. A False Sense of Achievement Yet it is not just the fact that one will be disconnecting from how they feel that will stop them from taking action; it is also because positive thinking can cause one to believe that they have already achieved something. Through using their mind to imagine what it would be like, they can get a sense of what it would be like. And through being able to do this, they can feel as though they don’t need to do anything else. There is then going to be no reason for them to take action, as they have already achieved what they want to achieve. Awareness What this shows is how easy it can be for one to sabotage their own life through having the need to be positive all the time. One can pay attention to what is taking place within them without getting caught up in it. And through being able to embrace what is ‘negative’, it will allow them to have a more balanced outlook and they will be able to use the pain that is within them to drive them forward. If one finds it hard to handle discomfort, it could be a sign that they need to develop mental and emotional strength. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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While someone could be critical of both men and women, they could also be in position where they have the tendency to criticise the opposite sex. And so if they do criticise the same sex, it could be something that rarely takes place.
This could mean that they will have moments where they are able to admit that their sex is not perfect and then shortly after, this could be something that they will soon forget. Through having this approach, it allows them to return to the outlook that the opposite sex is inferior. One Way Having said that, one might not have moments where they are able to see that their sex is not perfect. As a result of this, it will only be possible for them to experience life in one way. Therefore, it won’t matter what men/women do, as their attention is always going to be focused on what they are doing that is wrong. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one is able to realise what is taking place. Reality One could believe that they are simply observing reality, and so the reason they are experiencing life in this way is because that’s what men/women are like. Based on this, every man/women on the planet will have the same outlook as they do. Now, clearly it is not going to be possible for them to talk to every man/woman on the planet in order for them to prove they are right, and there is a strong chance that they won’t need to. Instead, one may find that they rely on their experiences alone, and this could be seen as the only evidence they need. Support If they were to think about what evidence they have, they could say that they know plenty of people who have the same outlook as they do. Along with this, they may also talk about the kind of men/women that they have worked with or had relationships with. Their real world experiences may also be backed up by the experiences that they have had online. In this case, they may have come across different websites and forums that prove how incapable the opposite sex is. Close Friends But if they spend their time around people who experience life as they do, their outlook will be validated, and this means that they won’t always need to look for evidence. What another person says will be seen as the truth and this will reinforce their outlook. Still, if one did spend their time with people who had a different outlook, they might say that that they are wrong. This is not to say that they will say this directly, as they could show them all the evidence as to why this is. Other Sources And not only could they have this approach when it comes to their friends and the people they meet in the real, world, they could also have this approach when they go online. The information they come across could be ignored and if they were to look into, it could be dismissed. Therefore, it might not matter what someone says or what they read about, as their outlook is not going to change. One way of looking at this would be to say that they only see what they want to see. An Observer But if one simply sees themselves as an observer of life, it is not going to be possible for them to see what is taking place. And if someone sees life differently, they could say that it’s because they are unable to face reality. It could be said that the reason one believes that they are simply observing life and playing no part in their experience is due to the fact that they lack self-awareness. This then stops them from being able to see how their inner world influences their outer world. Two Parts So if one is out of touch with what is taking place within them, or if they don’t realise how their mind only allows them to see what it has been conditioned to see, they will only be aware of one part of the equation. This is the part that relates to the experiences that one will have. The part that will define what they see is the part that is being overlooked, and this is what is taking place within them. And while what is taking place within influences what is taking place within; what is taking place without also influences what is taking place within. Stuck It is then easy to see why one can end up holding onto their outlook, as unless something changes they will continue to experience life in the same way. In order for them to change, it might be necessary for their inner world to change. As if they were to come across someone who was different, they could end up overlooking what takes place; whereas if they were to change on the inside, they would be able to embrace this kind of experience. At the same time, one could have an external experience that transforms their inner world, and this shows it can work both ways. A Deeper Look When one generally criticises the opposite sex and sees them as being incapable, they may have developed this outlook in their adult years, or it may have been developed during their childhood years. Either way, one is likely to find that having this outlook allows them to feel good about themselves. What this can also show is that the only way for them to feel good is to put other people down, and this can show that the distain they display towards the opposite sex is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. But as it is too painful for them to face their true feelings, they end up projecting their issues onto others. Toxic Shame If one was able to get into their body and to face their true feelings, they are likely to feel worthless. This can be the result of carrying toxic shame, and the reason one would be disconnected from this inner experience is due to how painful it would be for them to face it. It would have been a lot easier for one to disconnect from this experience and to see other people as being inferior, than it would have been for them to face their own sense of inferiority. If one feels this way due to what took place during their early years, it could mean that they were abused and/or neglected by their opposite sex parent. Awareness Yet regardless of why it is, it will be important for one to deal with their own pain if they no longer want to experience life in this same way. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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If one wanted to change how they feel, they could end up focusing on their appearance. There are a number of reasons as to why they would do this, and one reason is because of the society they live in.
In today’s world, a lot of attention is placed on the external, and as a result of this, it can be normal for people to spend a lot of time on their appearance. This can even go one step further, and this means that it will be an obsession. Following Others Thus, if one was to focus on how they look, it is not going to be hard for them to find people who are doing the same thing. Along with this, they will also find that there are plenty of ways for them to change how they look. On one hand, one could change their hairstyle or join a gym, for instance, and on the other hand, they could have some kind of cosmetic surgery. The route they take can all depend on what their current situation is. Two Sides However, even though one could be in a position where it might only be necessary for them to make a few minor alternations; they could believe that this is not the case. Based on this, other people could say that there is nothing wrong with how they look, but it is not going to be possible for them to accept this. For example, one could believe that they need radically change their appearance, and this may even include having surgery. Now, while their friends could be saying they look fine to avoid upsetting them; they could be telling the truth. A Different View One way of looking at this would be to say that one is unable to see themselves clearly, and this then sets them to have an idea of themselves that doesn’t match up with reality. And even if they were to change their appearance through having surgery, they may find that it doesn’t have a lasting effect on how they feel. Therefore, one could end up having something else done, and this whole process could go on and on. At the same time, there could be a reason for one to take this approach, and after having something done, they could feel so much better and that could be the end of it. Thinking Things Through What this shows is how important it is for one to take the time to think about whether it would be the right thing for them to do. And to also look into whether there is actually something wrong with their appearance as opposed to something wrong with what is taking place within them. As if it does relate to what is taking place within them and not their appearance, they will save themselves a lot of pain by placing their attention on what is taking place within. This may cause one to experience more pain in the short-term, but it will save then a lot of pain in the long-term. The General Approach However, if one as to make a few minor changes, it might not be long until they start to look different. This will be the case if they were to change their hairstyle or to get a sun tan, for instance. On the other hand, if they needed to lose weight, it is naturally going to take them a little while longer. Yet as long as they stick to a plan, the work they put in will soon pay off, and their health could also improve. Feedback Once their appearance changes, one may find that they start to feel different, and if they are in the process of losing weight, for instance, this will give them the motivation they need to keep going. One reason why they will feel different is because of how they look in the mirror, and if they find it easier to wear certain clothes, this will also play a part. Another reason they will feel different is due to the responses they are receiving from other people. The positive feedback that they receive from others will end up having a big effect on their well-being. Defined By Others If one is unable to feel good without receiving positive feedback from others, they may find that this gives them a greater need to look good. It could also cause them become obsessed with their appearance. Still, all the time that one is receiving positive feedback from others, they might not realise how dependent they are. They will be feeling good about themselves and that will be the only thing that matters. A Big Impact What this shows is what can happen when one takes care of their appearance, and so if one wanted to feel good, it will be a good idea for them to look good. Based on this, it could be said that it should be normal for people who look good to feel good about themselves. Another way of looking at it would be to say that the people who are seen as attractive in society will be immune to feeling down or depressed, for instance. They look good and so there will be no reason for them to suffer emotionally. A Closer Look It could be said that this would be going a bit far, as everyone has moments in their life where they don’t feel good, and this is partly because we all experience loss no matter what we look like. This is something that can’t be defined; however, that doesn’t mean that that’s the end of it. There are also plenty of people who don’t feel good about themselves even though they look good, and if they do feel good, it could be an experience that soon passes. For example, there are plenty of models and actors who have the looks and the money, and yet they end up in rehab. Awareness Thus, is could be said that it would be naive for one to believe that their emotional state depends on how they look. Still, this is not to say that it doesn’t have an effect and that one should neglect their appearance; what it emphasises is how important it is for one to have a balanced approach. It will also be important for one to have a healthy relationship with their emotions, and for them to work on other areas of their life, such as their relationships. If one finds that they find it hard to feel good about themselves, no matter what they do to their appearance, it might be necessary for them to reach out for the right support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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If one was to look back on their life, they may find that they have come across at least two types of people. One on hand, this could relate to people who are supportive, and on the other hand, it could relate to people who are not.
When one thinks about the former, they could think about a number of experiences they have had where someone has been there to assist them. Perhaps this is a time where they think about what took place whilst they were at school, or it might relate to their career. Life-Affirming Now, this is to say that these people only told them what they wanted to hear; what it comes down to is that their intention was not to cause them harm. As a result of this, it would have allowed them to express themselves in a way that was life-affirming, so to speak. Thus, if one did a good job they would have told them, and if something wasn’t right, they would also have told them. But regardless of what someone said, they wouldn’t have had the need to feel bad about themselves. Offended Still, if what someone said did have a negative impact on them, it would have been the result of how they interpreted it. And as it was not the other person’s intention to cause them harm, they may have made it clear to them that it wasn’t personal. Through receiving this kind of response, it might have allowed them to realise that there was no reason for them to feel bad. One may have come to see that they are simply human after all, and this means that they are not always going to get everything right. The Other Side However, while it could be said that this will be the ideal, it is not going to be something that always takes place. One may find that this is how most people have been in their life, or they could find that this is something that rarely takes place. Instead, one could be in a position where they have spent a lot of time around people who have been only too happy to put them down. And even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they were aware of what they were doing. Two Ways During their experiences with them, they may have found that some of these people were critical from time to time and there were others who were always this way. In this case, it is going to mean that it is something that defined them. If they always acted in this way, one may have come to see that they were not the only ones who wanted to keep their distance. Other people could have described them as cold, and that they were lacking empathy. One Outlook One way of looking at this would be to say that it wasn’t possible for them to see that one was doing the best they could. It’s as if they believed that one did what they did on purpose, and as a result of this, they needed to be punished. Through having this outlook, it could be said that it would have been normal for them to believe that they had the right approach. As if they treated people with respect, they would have believed that it wouldn’t have had an effect to on them. Everyday Life However, when one has the tendency to be critical of others, it is not going to matter where they are or what they are doing, as they will always find someone to pull apart. Through experiencing life in his way, they could come to believe that just about everyone is incapable. In this case, one will see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of life, and this means that they will believe that they are not playing a part in how they experience life. And even though they will believe that most people on the planet are incapable; they are likely to see themselves as being perfect. Examples One could find that no matter where they go to eat, there is always something wrong with the food, and while this could be a sign that they are a chef, this might not be the case. It will then be normal for them to criticise the people who serve the food, as well as the people who made it. Along with this, one could be the manger, and they could find that no one ever does anything right. But if they do, it might not be possible for them to acknowledge what has been done right. Relationships When it comes to the people they are attracted to, they may also find that they end up with people who are also incapable. These experiences will give them more reasons to believe that they are above others. And even though it will be a challenge for them to experience empathy, they may find that they end up with people who find it easy to experience it. When one experiences life in this way, there is a strong chance that they lack self-awareness. A Reflection Yet if they were able to tune into themselves and to see why they are experiencing life in this way, they may find that the reason they see other people as being incapable is because they see themselves in this way. But as it is too painful for them to own their own issues, they end up projecting them onto other people. Through doing this, it causes them to disconnect from their own pain, and this then allows them to feel good about themselves. The trouble with this approach is that it won’t allow one to deal with what is taking place within them, and this is why it won’t be possible for them to stop themselves from being critical. Toxic Shame When one sees themselves as being incapable, there is also the chance that they feel worthless. This is likely to be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame, and if this is the case, it could be due to what took place during their childhood. One may have been brought up by a caregiver who was abusive and/or neglectful, and this would have meant that their developmental needs were not met. So instead of receiving the love they needed to grow and develop; they ended up being harmed. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Even though life is not perfect, that doesn’t mean that one can’t create the perfect life online. Along with this, they can also make it so that their experience online is also perfect, and as a result of this, it can make it harder for them to face the real world.
Time Now, this is not to say that this is something that will take place overnight, as it is something that can take a while to occur. For example, if one was around before social media was available; they may find that it has taken them a while to experience life in this way. However, if one is a lot younger and they have been able to use social media from a young age, it may have been a lot easier to them to adapt. In this case, one may find that it has been possible for them to use it for the majority of their life. Normal But regardless of how long someone has been using it for, each person will be in the same position. The life they experience online could be as important as the life they lead offline; in fact, it might be even more important. And although this could be a sign that their life offline is not very fulfilling, this might not be the case. What it could come down to is that they experience a lot of pleasure through using social media. The Perfect Life So during one’s time online, they could find that it is relatively easy for them to have the perfect experience, and this is without even creating the impression that their life is perfect. This is something that will take place through being in front of a screen, and this means that one will be on the sidelines, so to speak. And as one is not engaged in life, it will naturally be a lot easier for them to control how they feel. On the other hand, if one was engaged in life, they are less likely to have the same level of self-control. The Right Responses In order for them to get the responses they want, there will be a number of things that they can do. And they can receive these responses no matter where they are or what they are doing. One thing that one can do is to share a picture, and this could be of themselves or it could relate to something or someone else. Through doing this, it will enable one to receive comments and ‘likes’, and this is likely to have a positive effect on their mood. Reaching Out Along with this, one could also leave a comment or message one of their ‘friends’. And while there is the chance that it will take them a while to hear back; there is an even greater chance that it won’t. Thus, in most cases, they will end up getting an instant reply. The responses they get during these interactions are also likely to have a positive effect on how they feel. A Negative Effect However, if this wasn’t the case and one was to have a negative experience online, they could soon put this to an end. What this shows is how much control one has when it comes to what they experience online. For instance, one could be in a position where one of their ‘friends’ leaves a negative comment, and the only thing they would need to do would be to delete it. They could even go one step further and unfriend them, and through doing this, they won’t need to hear from them again. Unfollow Yet if they were to do that, it could cause them to worry about how someone would respond. Therefore, as a way to stop themselves from lowering their mood, they could simply unfollow them instead. And if a ‘friend’ or someone they don’t know was to say something that they disagreed with and this caused them to have a strong reaction, they could also have them banned. On one hand, this could mean that someone has shared something that is inappropriate, but on the other hand, it might not be this black and white. Freedom of Speech When it relates to something that is inappropriate, it could be said that one will be doing the right thing. But if someone is simply sharing their opinion or talking about what is actually taking place in the world, for instance, they are going to be doing a disservice to humanity. The Right Impression Whilst this is taking place, one can also upload pictures of themselves that have been heavily edited, and share things that don’t reflect the life they lead. Creating the right impression online will allow them to feel good and it will allow them to receive positive feedback from others. If they were to take a step back from social media, they may find that they start to experience discomfort. The reason is likely to come down to the fact that the life they lead online doesn’t match up with the life they lead offline, and they might not look as good as they do online. Harder to Handle And through being able to control the kind of experience they have online, they may find that it is harder for them to handle the real world. This is because they will be exposed to things they don’t like or agree with, and it won’t be possible for them to use the same approach offline as they would if they were online. Conclusion This is just one of the ways in which ones life can be influenced by using social media. It could be said that it can condition people to have an idealist as opposed to realistic outlook of life. Through experiencing the perfect life online, they can believe that the world should also be perfect. Now this is not to say that one should put up with abuse online or offline, for example; what it comes down to is that one is not always going to get the responses they want in life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While someone can feel down from time to time, they can also feel this way on a regular basis. When this is the case, it is going to be a challenge for them to appreciate life, and it may even be a challenge for them to get out of bed in the morning.
Another Experience Now, when one feels down from time to time, they may find that there are times when they find it hard to embrace each day. However, this is not to say that this is an experience that they have each week. In fact, this could be an experience that doesn’t even occur a few times a year, and this can then mean that it is not going to have a big effect on their life. And during these moments, they may be only too aware of why their life is this way. The Contrast What this comes down to is that one won’t be used to feeling depressed, and so it will be easier for them to pinpoint why they their life has changed. Whereas when one always experiences life in this way, it can end up being what is normal. Thus, if one was to look back on their life and to remember a time when they were depressed, it could have been when they experienced some kind of loss. As a result of this, the meaning of their life may have completely changed. Loss This could have been a time when a relationship came to an end up or when a loved one passed on. Perhaps their job came to an end and they had to find something else to do. Through experiencing something like this, one would have found it hard to function, but through facing their feelings, it would have enabled them to get back up again, so to speak. This would then be a sign that they have a good relationship with their emotions, and this then allows them to face their feeling instead of running away from them. Part of Life It could be said that it is part of life to feel depressed after something like this, and that there is no reason for one not to have this experience. For one thing, having the ability to experience life in this way gives one the chance to appreciate life. If life was always experienced in one way, it would be a lot harder for one to appreciate it. Therefore, this gives life depth and meaning, and without it, it could be said that it would be a sterile existence. Grieving Still, if one didn’t take the time to grieve, they may have found that it wasn’t possible for them to embrace life again. This would then have meant that this experience would have become normal. Or if it didn’t, it may have meant that they would have ended up becoming emotionally cut-off instead. When this takes place it will be possible for them to function, but they won’t be able to feel anything, and as time passes, a number of different symptoms would appear. Other Reasons Having said that, this is not to say that this is the only reason why one would feel depressed in life. It could also be something that they experience at a certain time in the year, and so as the weather changes, their mood will soon alter. Along with this, they may find that they experience life is this way when they get angry about something and don’t express how they feel. This will show that the energy that needs to be expressed is being repressed, and as it is kept within them, it pulls them down. A Different Experience When one spends most of their life feeling depressed, they may find that they haven’t always experience life in this way. There could then have been a point in their life where everything changed. At the same time, they may find that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember. If they can relate to the former, it might give them hope that their life can be different; whereas if they can relate to the latter, this might not be the case. Support If they were to reach out for support, they could end up being put on antidepressants, or they could be told that it’s due to what is taking place in their mind. And while taking antidepressants might take the pain away, it may also stop them from being able to feel. But if one was to change what is taking place in their mind (or to alter their behaviour), they may find that this doesn’t have much of an impact It might make a small difference, for instance, but that could be as far as it goes. Going Deeper Another approach would be for one to bring their attention into their body, and to connect with how they feel. This could be a time where they will see that they are carrying trapped grief, or they may find that they carry a lot of repressed anger. Still, while they could find that this is the case, they could also find that there is something else that is having a bigger effect on how they experience life. This could be a time where they will come to see that they feel completely worthless. Toxic Shame Through feeling as though there is something inherently wrong with them, it is naturally going to be a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. It will be normal for them to then feel hopeless and powerless. Based on their outlook, they can believe that there is nothing they can do, and as a result of this, it is to be expected that they will be depressed. This is likely to be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. Early Years The reason they are carrying toxic shame can be due to what has taken place in their adult years, as well as what occurred during their childhood. If it’s because of what took place when they were younger, it can be a sign that they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Awareness In order for one to move beyond this, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
It is often said that there is a difference between what people will share online and what they will share offline. On one side, this can mean that one may only share certain things when they are online, and on the other side, this can mean that they will share practically everything.
Restraint When the former takes place, one is not going to share anything that is too personal. And as it is possible for so many people to see what they share, it could be said that this will be the sensible approach to take. Not only will their ‘friends’ be able to see what they share, it can also be possible for other people to see. Also, once something is online, it can end up being there for life, and their information can end up in the wrong hands. The Opposite However, when it comes to the latter, one is not going to hold back when it comes to what they share. In this case, it might not matter what is on their mind or what they have been doing, as it could end up online. It will then be possible for their ‘friends’ to find out a lot about them by looking through their profile page. There is also the chance that some of their ‘friends’ will end up being shocked by what they share. Offline Now, if the first person was with one of their close friends, they could end up talking about what is taking place in their life. During this time, there will be no reason for them to hold anything back. Yet at the same time, they might not act this way if they were with people they don’t know very well, and this will partly be down to the fact that they won’t have the same level of comfort. Thus, when they are around people they don’t know very well, their behaviour is generally going to be different. And even though the second person can share practically everything online, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be careful when it comes to what they share offline. When they are in the real world, they could act in a way that is similar to the first person Two Ways Along with this difference, it could also be said that there is a way for one to act in public and another way for them to act in private. Now, this is not to say that one has to play a certain role around others; what it comes down to is that it will be important for them to respect other people’s boundaries and to think about others. One way of looking at this would be to say that this will be part of having empathy and the ability to expedience shame. So through one being able to put themselves in another person’s shoes, so to speak, it can stop them from harming another person. Shame Therefore, their empathy will enable them to get along with other members of society, and if they can’t do that, they won’t go out of their way to make their life difficult. This shows how important empathy is when it comes to having a civilised society. What will also have a positive effect on how people behave is shame, and this is because it will stop them from behaving in ways that are inappropriate. It will give them the ability to moderate their behaviour. Social Media When one is online, they might not be around others (and even if they are, this might not have en effect), and this can then stop them from thinking about whether they should share something. For one thing, it is so easy for one to share something; it is not as if this is something that takes any effort. And while this can relate to what they share, it can also relate to the kinds of things that they say online. During this time, they might only be thinking about making themselves feel better as opposed to the effect that it will have on others. Copying Others There is also the chance that the reason they behave in this way is because they are simply copying other people. In this case, they won’t have taken the time to think about whether someone else’s behaviour was appropriate; they would have just copied it. On one side, this could be something that they have learned from their friends, and on the other side, it could be what they have learned by paying attention to what celebrities have been doing. And through being exposed to their behaviour over a certain period of time, they can end up seeing it as normal. Examples Shameless behaviour is something that can take place when someone shares a picture of themselves where they are practically naked. This can take place without them thinking about the effect it will have on their life or the impact that it will have on others As a result of this, they could justify their behaviour by saying that it shows that they are empowered or free, and if someone judges them, they could believe that they are the ones with the problem. Another example is when one shares a comment that is abusive or uses language that is inappropriate. The Real World And through behaving in this way online, it can also have an effect on how one behaves offline. What this shows is how powerful social media is when it comes to how people behave and what they see as acceptable One could find that they look through their news feed in order to see how they should behave, and this could be something that takes place unconsciously. So if one does care about how their behaviour affects others, it will be important for them to think before they share something.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Why Do Some People Find That Other People Are Never There When They Need Them?10/3/2016
If one needed something, they may find that there is someone who they can call on to be there for them. In fact, there could be a number of people who would be only too happy to support them.
And the reason they have this outlook is going to be because these people have been there for them in the past. This is not to say that they always expect them to be there; what it comes down to is that there is a strong chance that there will always be someone who is available. Normal What this is then going to mean is that it will be normal for them to experience life in this way, and this could be how their life has always been. As a result of this, they might find it hard to imagine what it would be like to experience life differently. This doesn’t mean that they won’t have had moments in their life when there was no one there; what it means is that this could be something that rarely takes place. Thus, it could be a challenge for them to truly connect to the experience of not having any one around. In The Past However, if they can connect to this experience, it could be a sign that they used to experience life in this way. Perhaps this was how their life was a few years ago, and this would have meant that it was what was normal. Through having these experiences, one may find that they are incredibly grateful to experience life in this way. And in order for them to change what was taking place, they may have had to put in a lot of effort to change their circumstances. Interdependent But by putting this effort in, it allowed them to change their life, and this would have made their life a lot easier. If one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter if other people were there for them; but as this is not the case, it does matter. It is not uncommon for people to see themselves as ‘independent’, and yet this is nothing more than an illusion. And when someone tries to do everything by themselves, their life will be harder than it needs to be. The Other Side So when one is aware of the fact that they need others, they are likely to realise that they are interdependent. Also, if one is in a position where other people are there for them, they are also likely to be there for others. This will then show that they are in balance, as if this wasn’t the case they would be out of balance. And while other people might put up with their behaviour it the beginning, there is a strong chance that they would soon take a step back. One-Sided However, even though one can be in a position where they are there for others, it doesn’t mean that they are there for them. Or if they are, this could be something that only happens from time to time. It is then going to be normal for one to feel frustrated, angry and powerless, and their life is likely to be a struggle. Therefore, one could have moments in their life when they act as though they don’t need anyone. Needless One could believe that other people generally let them down, and as way to stop this from happening, they could try to do everything by themselves. This might work for a short while and then before long, they are likely to realise that they need others. After having this experience, they could reach out to others and find that the same thing takes place all over again. Through having these experiences, one could also end up feeling like a victim. A Closer Look On one hand, one could believe that they have no control over what is taking place, and on the other hand, they could look into why they are experiencing life in this way. If they were to take the second option, it would give them the chance to change their life. Whereas if they were to continue to believe that there is nothing they can do, their life is unlikely to change. If one has got to the point where they are no longer willing to suffer enough, it could cause them to look into what part they are playing in all this. Behaviour Firstly, one could look into their own behaviour and see how they go about trying to get their needs met. Through doing this, they could find that they just expect other people to be there for them without actually asking them. Along with this, one could also come to see that they expect other people to fulfil needs that only they can fulfil. For instance, one could have unmet childhood needs, and it won’t be possible for other people to fulfil them. Hidden When one is unable to let other people know what their needs are, it can be a sign that they feel ashamed of them. And through feeling this way, it can cause them to attract people who are unable fulfil them. The people one spends their time with could then be self-centred, and this means that they won’t be interested in being there for others. So unless they feel comfortable with their own needs, their life is unlikely to change. Needs If one feels ashamed of their needs, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have set them up to believe that their needs are not important. Awareness In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one wanted to form new relationships with others, they could pay attention to their appearance and then look into what they can do to improve it. Along with this, one could also look into what else they could do to improve themselves.
And once they have done this, they could end up looking for places where they can socialise with others. However, one could do this without changing their appearance or working on themselves. Two Approaches When they are around others, they could be the ones who make the effort, or they could sit back and wait for other people to approach them. As to what approach they take can depend on a number of different factors. If one is more reserved, for instance, they may find that other people usually take the first step, and when they come into contact with someone, they may prefer to listen. On the other hand, if one is more outgoing they could be the ones who take the first step, and they could then find that they do most of the talking. Another Experience Having said that, this might not be the case, and this means that even if one doesn’t take the first step, it doesn’t mean that they won’t talk, in fact, they could end up being the ones who talk the most. And if one does take the first step, they could also be the ones who don’t talk the most. There is also the chance that each of these people will be in balance, and this will then mean that there will be times when they talk and times when they don’t. A Good Way to Be Through having this ability, it will give them the chance to create relationships that are in balance. If one could only talk and they were unable to listen, they wouldn’t be able to find out others. Ultimately, they would be ignoring the other person’s needs and they could come across as self-centred. It might then be a challenge for them to develop relationships with others, and if they do, it could be a sign that it’s only because these people don’t value themselves. The Other Side On the other hand, if one could only listen and they were unable to talk about themselves, it won’t be possible for other people to find out about their life. As a result of this, they will be ignoring their own needs. Other people could also see them as secretive, and it could then be difficult for them to connect to them. Thus, one could end up spending time with people who only talk about themselves, and this could cause them to feel as though their needs are not important. Relationships Nevertheless, even if one wasn’t looking to develop new relationships with others and only wanted to improve the ones they have, it will still be important for them to be able to listen and to talk. Therefore, if their relationships are not as they would like them to be; they could look into whether they are in balance. During this time, they may find that although they talk about their own life, they don’t spend much time listening to what their friend’s have to say. Alternatively, they may find that even though they listen, they don’t share enough of their own life with others. Certain People And while one could be a certain way with everyone they know; they could also find that this is not the case. For example, one may find that even though they are in balance when it comes to some people, they are not always this way. But if one is the same around everyone they spend their time with, it could be said that they will have all the more reason to change. This could mean that one simply needs to pay attention to how they behave and then to change their behaviour or they might need to reach out for external support, for instance. Intimacy When one’s relationships are not very fulfilling, it could also be a sign that there is a lack of intimacy. This will then mean that it will be important for one to reveal more about themselves. And as they do this, it may also encourage the people they spend their time with to do the same thing. One could then find that this will bring them closer to some of the people they spend their time with and that they will no longer be drawn to others; this is because some of these people might not be willing to change. Being Responsive In order for intimacy to take place, one will need to open up and the other person will need to be responsive to what they have to say. And one will also need to behave in the same way when someone else opens up. When this happens, will one listen to what the other person has to say and they won’t change the subject. This means that one will be displaying empathy and acknowledging what they have to share. Everyday Life However, even though it will be important for one to be responsive when it comes to experiencing intimacy, it doesn’t mean that this is the only time when it matters. What this comes down to is that human beings are generally drawn to people who are responsive to what they have to say. Due to this, it won’t matter whether they are talking about their feelings or what they have been doing that day. So through being responsive, one could end up creating a new friend or they could strengthen an existing relationship. Pushing People Away If one wanted a relationship to come to an end or to stop themselves from creating a new friendship, then it would be a good idea for them to be unresponsive to what another person has to say. When someone talks, one could talk over them; change the subject; or dismiss what they are saying. One might only need to do this once if they are with someone they have only just met, but if they are with someone they have known for while, they might need to do this a few times. What this shows is that one can behave in ways that will either push people away or pull them closer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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