I have recently had an interesting experience. And upon close reflection, I believe this experience has explained how important it is to process our emotions and to limit their accumulation. I believe it also explains at a deeper level, what is meant by; we are not just the observers of our reality and that if we experience or our exposed to something, then it is always a mirror of what is going on for us at some level. It shows the power we have on our environment and the connection between the inner and outer world. So here, based on my own subjective experience of what happened, I will do my best to put into words everything I have observed, before, during and after the occurrence. The Experience After a day that had moments of frustration and anger, I decided to go for a drive and instead of taking the road that was familiar to me I decided to take a completely different route. At the beginning of the journey, I said emphatically to myself ‘something has got to happen’, referring to my own need for a change to happen in my life. It was a feeling of needing a release of some kind. A few moments after this had happened, the car I was following, pulled out too soon and ended up with another going into its side. Now as strange as this might sound, I felt an emotional release as this happened and felt mentally and emotionally better for a short while afterwards. The Metaphors The point of focus is not on the literal occurrence, (fortunately no one was injured or hurt, at least not physically) the primary focus here is on the metaphors of the experience. The Awareness Two things come to mind for me and they are: everything that happens in our reality is showing us something and that if we don’t release or express our emotions they will manifest in some shape or form in our reality. This could manifest as a heated conversation or witnessing or even being in a car crash. And although there is a literal meaning to each, I also see that there is a metaphorical meaning also involved. Instant Manifestation This event has also demonstrated how fast we can manifest in our life when there is a high level of focus, emotion and certainty involved. It could be said that how I felt throughout the day and maybe even before then attracted the event and maybe how I felt just before what happened attracted the experience into my life. Are We Just Observing The Drama And Conflict In The World? It has also shown to me that the drama and tension in the world is not just something we are observing. And that if we are not taking responsibility for our own emotional wellbeing, we could actually be feeding into these very events at a deeper level. The other side to this is that these events could also be a form of catharsis at a local level and also at a global level. With their also being an unconscious need for conflict and drama to happen, as a way for our own body to release repressed emotions. Releasing Our Emotions It also highlighted to me how important it is to let go and express our emotions. Life might not always give us what we want or as fast as we want it and this can naturally lead to frustration and other similar emotions. All of which can build up within us if they are not released in some way. With this release being a constant process in our life and not a one off occurrence, although it can be a different need each time that is causing the internal conflict. This process of releasing our emotions can be through the achievement or closure of a certain goal or need that we perceive is causing us to feel as we do. And if we haven’t got to that stage then it could be through other means that will give us a short term or momentary release; such as exercising, socialising, eating, martial arts, writing, volunteering and many other activities. With emotions being so abstract in nature and not having the same requirements as a physical problem, there can be confusion with how to go about dealing with them. I believe it is out of this confusion and also the denial of them that is one of the causes of the drug, crime, alcohol and health problems in our society. Where Did The Confusion Begin? When it comes to our early education and even our education into our teenage years; there is typically not one subject or lesson that explains how our emotions work and or how to deal with them. The majority of our education is made up of subjects that represent the left brain; which are about logic and reason. However, it is clear to see that when we are feeling highly emotional, using logic won’t get us very far. Of course it could be argued that it is up to people to take responsibility for their emotional health. And some people do and some people don’t. But the question I ask is; if we are not taught about these aspects in our younger years, why would we even think about doing something about them later on in life!? As after years of emotional accumulation and the suffering that this causes, the last thing we typically want to do is have to face them. We are also conditioned to believe that we are our mind; when in reality we are the observers of the mind and not the mind itself. Realising this gives one the opportunity to step back, to observe ones emotions, instead of constantly trying to fight them. Drugs, Alcohol and Food So naturally there will be a tendency for the use of drugs, alcohol and even food to numb our emotions that can cause us so much pain and frustration. My outlook is that; if we are not informed about the nature of emotions during our education; then these substances can seem like the only option available for many people. Of course they can be judged and condemned, but I think it is important to question why they are being consumed in such large amounts in the first place. Final Thoughts After many years of emotional neglect; there importance and how they not only affect individuals, but society as a whole is beginning to become clear. Through the work of people like Daniel Goleman and his work on emotional intelligence and the EQ model awareness is ever increasing. I don’t believe Emotions are the ‘be and end all’ of life; however I believe they are a vital element in leading a happy and functional life. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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The word selfish has all kind of associations; however I’m sure one of the images that comes to mind for most of us is of the person who only thinks about themselves and is extremely self centred. This person only seems to think about what is in it for them and how it will benefit their own life. On the other side we have the person who only thinks about others and is shown to be completely selfless. These kinds of people are typically lauded by our society for what they offer and for the many people they routinely help. Above, I have mentioned the two extremes, one being selfish and the other being selfless. And I am sure that for many, the second option would be the most honourable out of the two. The question that arises for me, is that, is it really this black and white? Is it really a case of one person only thinks about themselves and the other only thinks about others? I think there is a lot more going on here. I believe that out of the two options, there are potentially two motivating factors going on within each of them. I will now explain what I mean by this. Being Selfish As I mentioned above, there is the typical example of someone who is only out for themselves. However, there is also another side to being selfish and one that is far from self centred. This individual understands that in order to make a difference in the world and to be of service to others, they have to take care of their own needs first. This individual will often find time for others, but there main priority will be their own needs. Being Selfless They are perceived as being the complete opposite of self centred, they would do anything for any one. I think that the other side or should I say the functional side to this, is of the individual, who has taken care of their needs enough to be able to assist others. By this, I mean, that they are not helping others out of the need for approval or acceptance, so that they end up compromising themselves. They are assisting others, as they have developed themselves to the point that helping others is really helping themselves. Psychological Perspective Looking at this from a psychological perspective, it is clear to see that being self centred is a very basic stage in our evolution. An example that comes to mind is that of a child, who constantly wants attention from its mother. This is because as children we are naturally reliant on others and have no way of taking care of our own needs. So receiving the approval and attention from others is not only essential, it is a matter of survival. As we begin to develop our own sense of empowerment and influence on the world, we will begin to see that we can take care of our own needs in a functional and empowered way. I believe that as we are able to do this, to have our own needs fulfilled, we will as a result of this be able to be of service to the world. This will be done from a place of integrity, as we will rarely be compromising ourselves to assist the society or world. This is what would happen in an ideal world, however for many people this is far from reality. Two Sides Of The Same Coin Due to not getting these basic needs met, we can end up becoming either selfless or selfish. However, different situations in our life might change which side we embody. Acting selfless can be perceived to be completely different to acting selfishly, and yet this person is not necessarily any more psychological adjusted that the selfish person. They have developed ways of getting their needs met indirectly by receiving the approval of others. The problem is that this approval is rarely internalized; meaning they are stuck in the trap of constantly needing to please others and all at the cost of truly pleasing themselves. And although being selfish causes us to only think about ourselves, it can, as ironic as this sounds, also be the consequence of having trouble receiving. I believe the above two examples happen as the result of experiencing rejection when it came to the fulfilment of our basic needs in our younger years. This creates an identity and level of deserving, which at a deeper level feels comfortable and safe for us. And if we continue to identify with our past; our need for approval will continue, stemming from the early association of acceptance and survival. Taking Care Of Our Own Needs My perspective is that until we can become aware of these needs again, we will continue to behave in a self centred manner. When I refer to the other side of self centeredness, I am talking about the individual that is becoming conscious and aware of what those needs are. This is someone who questions the very nature of them and if it is even possible for others to take care of them. So if one has had a childhood where their needs were met in a functional way or whether it was through ones development in later life, I think it will only be as a result of this that it will be possible to really be of service to the world. I think that although the approval from the people around us or even higher up in our society can be rewarding in the short term, in the long term it will only cause us frustration and emptiness. What Really Matters? However, finding out what truly matters to us can be extremely difficult. I believe this is partly the consequence of our childhood and partly the result of our education system. Both of these are about acquiring the rules, morals and perceptions of our caregivers and the ideas, opinions and knowledge of our teachers. When it comes to developing as a human being, I believe all of those elements are somewhat necessary. I think the problems arise when we don’t question these areas of our life. To decide for ourselves what is right and what is true in our own heart. Final Thoughts I believe that although others can offer us guidance and direction throughout our life, the only person who knows what will bring us true meaning and purpose is ourselves. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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