When it comes to healing ones childhood pain or in healing the pain that has come about through later life experiences; there are many techniques and methods out there. And each one of these is often described as the one and only way. So based on this, if one was to use this method, it would lead to a sense of completion and to inner peace for instance. Variety Historically, there appears to have always been different healing options available; from faith healing, Chrystal healing and shamanic healing. And in the world that we now live, there are now dozens of options available. Some of these sound very similar and others come across as being radically different. But with so many options to choose from, it is easy for one to become confused and overwhelmed by the whole thing. Focus And not all of the healing options have the same focus or outlook on what needs to be done. While some focus purely on the mind, others focus on the body and for other methods, it is all about energy for example. Mainstream There are healing options that are supported in the mainstream and there are ones that could be described as ‘of the grid’. These are not part of what has been accepted by certain organisations or the experts in the field. And although these mainstream options are often classed as being safe and reliable, it does not mean that they are necessarily the most effective options available. Like a lot of areas in life, people who are in academia or part of the system are often constrained by rules and regulations. And these can get n the way of growth and progress being made. For people on the outside, these constraints are not as likely to be there. One argument could be that as a result of this, standards will drop and while this can be the case, it is not always the case. Inner And Outer Looking at what’s going on inside is what some suggest. Here they talk about the outer being a reflection of the inner and all outer conflict being a result of inner conflict. These ways of looking at life are said to have come from Hermeticism and this originated in Egypt. And there are some healing options out there that are all about changing the outer. So by changing ones behaviour, one will come to a place of greater wellbeing. Causes In order to heal something, the cause typically needs to known. And this is another area that is far from black and white when it comes to the world of healing. There are many views here and some of these say: · It’s about dealing without what is coming up in the moment. · Some that say it’s due to blocked energy in the body that needs unblocking. · Others say it is due to what happened as a child. · For others it is all about what happened in the womb and around the time of conception. · And another common idea is that it’s due to a chemical imbalance. Feelings Or Thoughts? And as well as the causes; there are also other things that are often talked about. So while a certain cause may be cited, the other question relates to what consequences this then created. This could be: feelings, thoughts, emotions, sensations, beliefs or energy that came about through a certain experience or experiences. Some techniques will insist that it’s all about dealing with the thoughts and another may say it’s all about changing the energy. One Size Fits All? To have one technique that would work for everyone would be a wonderful thing; it would save so much time and confusion. And while this may sound good and may well be possible when it comes to buying hats or scares – it rarely applies to anything else. Some people speak about a certain techniques as being the ‘be and end all’ and that is has done so much for them. And at the same time, there is also likely to be people who have tried the technique and nothing much has happened. Does it Work? This can then lead to different consequences occurring, it could then be said that the technique does not work or that the person using the technique is not suitable. Because like most techniques; the technique is often only as good as the person who is using it. The presence of the person using the technique is incredibly important. However, another conclusion could be that the technique is not suitable for the person. Let’s face it: although we are all human beings, we are all so uniquely different. Are You Ready? Another factor that cannot be emphasised enough and one that is just as important as deciding to seek assistance is: whether one is ready to heal or not. They say that you only get out of life what you put in and healing is no different. Simply wanting to have healing is one thing, but to really want to heal is something else. The technique, method or a coach for that matter can only help to the degree that one is willing to heal and let go. Validation The need to be validated or acknowledged is often part of the process of healing. And how long this will last can depend on many factors. It is not likely to be something that can be rushed or forced; it has to be done at one’s own pace. To force this process will often lead to it taking longer that is needed. Conclusion While it would be easy for me to say a certain technique is the best, because I used it and it worked; I know very well that others have used it and it hasn’t worked. Or that the ones that I believe don’t work; have worked for other people. I would say the important thing is to be open and flexible, not to become attached to any technique or perspective about how something should be. To listen to one’s own inner guidance and to trust that the right assistance will appear. Some techniques may give one validation, but not lead to any healing occurring. And one of the biggest signs is whether one is actually progressing or not. If they are, then the technique must be working and if they are not, then perhaps it’s time to evaluate. Choosing someone who has the right knowledge and understanding is incredibly important. One should never feel that they have to deny what they are going through or hide it from the person who is assisting them; because without trusting the other person, one is unlikely to open up and therefore heal.
2 Comments
When it comes to my journey of self awareness, there are some people who stand out when I look back on where I have come from. And one of those people is Dov Baron. This is a guy who was born in Manchester in England and is based in Canada. The Interview Many years ago I heard him speak on an interview series and on there he was primarily speaking about the Ego Mind and The Law Of Resonance. And little did I know at this point, how much of an influence this guy would make to my life. Perhaps being from England myself, it helped me to relate to him. But what I do know for certain is that: this was someone who spoke clearly and directly. I was amazed by the understandings that he had. After hearing each episode that he had done of this series, I then searched the web for what else I could find about him. Shortly after this I came across his main page at the time. The Next Stage Here I soon found numerous other coaching calls and I knew that I had to hear as many of them as I could. This was someone who had so much to give. These calls were also based on the ego mind and the law of resonance. The law of resonance is deeper understanding of the law of attraction. He mentioned how the law of attraction is a half truth and that it is not just our thoughts that create our life; our thoughts, plus our emotions, create feelings and they are what are creating our life. The Ego Mind Through going over these interviews and listening to what Dov had to say, I gradually began to form my understanding of the ego mind. And as anyone who has read any of my articles knows; the ego mind is usually mentioned in them. I was also taught about the importance of journaling through Dov. And after writing in my journal for a number of years; next came the articles that I wrote about. So journaling was definitely a catalyst to my writing career The Program After a while of listening to these interviews and of Dov doing a few twenty four hour question and answer live video streams; I purchased his program – The Secret Beyond The Law Of Attraction. This contained videos, eBooks and audio recordings; all of which were highly informative and beneficial. These contained everything one needed to understand the mind and to manifest what they wanted into their life: if they followed the steps. And something Dov always spoke about was the need to take massive action. Gratitude As I have mentioned above, Dov assisted me in learning about the ego mind and the importance of journaling. And although he knew so much and was clearly very sharp; he was down to earth and real. He is a great teacher and someone who clearly wants to do all he can do make a massive difference in people’s lives. A couple of years ago Dov left a comment on one of the articles that I wrote - Freedom Or Safety: What Would You Choose? And as this came from someone I admired and appreciated, it meant a lot to me. He is one of the few people that I would recommend to others. If you would like to know more about Dov Baron go to – www.FullMontyLeadership.com.
While it is often the intention to have a relationship that is free from games and all the drama that they can create; this does not always mean that one will avoid them altogether. And as a result of this, one may come to the conclusion that they have absolutely no control as to whether their relationships consist of games or not. To see games as being random and just happening in a relationship is unlikely to fill one with hope, if that is needed, or a sense of empowerment. If relationships are only about games, then one may think that they are not worth having. Or one may think that playing games is the only option. But to do this may well go against their integrity and lead to further pain being created. Two Sides Now, every relationship that one has is made up of two people. One may well be called the victim and other described as the perpetrator. And while this is true at one level; it is still being made up of two individuals. Each one has their own choices and their own responsibility within the relationship. Because although the other person may be playing the games, if one wasn’t putting up with the games to begin with, then they would have to stop. It is always a symbiotic relationship. If the game player wasn’t receiving the feedback that they needed to play games, then they would stop. Or they would have to go and find someone else who is willing to put up with the games. Both Sides So this is why I believe it is important not just to look at what could be going on for the person who is playing games, but also the person who is putting up with the games. To blame one and to describe the other as innocent; is neither empowering nor accurate. And if this was the approach, it is only likely to lead to momentary or short term gain. But it is unlikely to uncover what the real problem may be for people who attract game players into their life. For if one continually creates the same experiences, it would surely be wise to look at oneself and see what one is doing to end up in these situations in the first place. Games When it comes to games, both men and women are just as capable of playing them. One gender may often be targeted as the worst; but this is unlikely to be accurate. It might also be assumed that someone utilizes these behaviours over others at a conscious level and is therefore out to hurt or harm other person. The Game Player However, this behaviour actually says more about the person that is playing the games than it does about the person who is putting up with the games. We are all responding to life based on our own interpretations of it. So based on the interpretations that the game player is making of the relationship; they have come to see that they are required. These games may well be played from the beginning or after the relationship has reached a certain point for instance. This will depend on different factors and one of these factors will be how comfortable one is with intimacy and therefore being vulnerable. Being vulnerable One of the primary elements of a relationship is being vulnerable and opening up to the other person. And if one does not feel comfortable doing this, then certain behaviour will have to be used to protect oneself from being hurt. So what this can often mean is that the game player will have a certain level of closeness/intimacy that they are comfortable with and should another person go beyond this place it will mean that games will have to be played to create distance. Through doing this, the game player will be able to regain their composure and return to what feels comfortable to them. As the need for intimacy is there, but cannot be fully embraced due to their fears of what intimacy means, it will mean that the other person is still wanted. It’s a bit like - 'I don’t necessarily want you, but I don’t necessarily want to lose you either’. What is clear is that there is conflict within and one’s head, heart and body are not in alignment. Regulation These inner fears of what intimacy means are then being regulated by keeping the other person around. To allow them to get to close and to have a consistent relationship may well lead to one feeling; smothered, controlled, overwhelmed or that they may end up being abandoned and rejected. And to allow them to leave may well cause one to feel; abandoned, rejected and alone. The interesting thing about these two dynamics, is that whether they allow someone in or whether they lose them, it is generally the same experience. So by keeping another at a safe distance, one can avoid both situations. But this is unlikely to lead to fulfilment and is only regulating the fear that they have when it comes to letting go in a relationship. Associations The ego mind functions by forming associations around things and these then become what are classed as familiar and therefore safe. So when it comes to intimacy, ones ego mind can associate it to mean losing oneself, being taken advantage of or being controlled. And if this is the case, one will project these associations onto others and interpret their behaviour in such a way. It won’t matter if the other person is like it or not. So unless one is aware enough to question their associations of what intimacy is; they may well end up creating the same scenarios over and over again. The Other Side So now that we have looked at what could be causing other people to play games, let’s take a deeper look at why one may put up with games. For this person, just like the game player, there is a distance that feels safe when it comes to opening up. And while there may be frustration or anger at the game player for keeping their distance, at a deeper level it is likely to feel comfortable. To get closer to them may well lead to one feeling similar to how the game player feels. Here they may end up feeling; overwhelmed, controlled or trapped should they get closer to another person. And if they were to walk away from the game player; it may well cause them to feel alone and abandoned. So by going along with the games it allows one to avoid these two experiences and to maintain what feels comfortable to them. To their ego mind this will be what feels safe. And to do something else will lead to what feels unfamiliar to the mind and this will feel unsafe. Awareness To have a relationship with another person involves being vulnerable and open. And yet if one has had experiences as an adult or as a child of being taken advantage while being vulnerable, this is not going to easy. The trust that is needed to open up may have been taken away. To overcome this, one may need to seek assistance. A good therapist, speaking to a trusted friend and reading can assist with this process of opening up. The ego minds associations of what a relationship is like can be changed; as they are not the truth. Some people out there may constantly play games, but there are also people out there who don’t.
The power that words have cannot be denied or dismissed. And there are many points and areas to look at when it comes to words. However, the primary focus of this article is going to be the role that the ego mind plays. Words have certain meanings in the dictionary and socially for example; and they can also have a meaning that is subjective to the person that is using them. One can have certain words, sayings and phrases that they use. These can be either empowering or disempowering and made up of generalities that are beneficial to ones growth or have the opposite affect and lead to one feeling trapped. Personal Experience At a personal level, we all have our own language that is used inside our own head and that we use when we talk to other people. To the outsider these can be the same words that numerous other people use, but when it comes to what they mean to this person, they could be very different. Because although words can have general meanings that are associated to them, through one’s own personal experiences in life, there can also be different associations that have been added over time. They may have removed the old associations. So that now a word means something completely different to what it generally means to most people. Examples An example of this can be found in the area of giving compliments. Here, one can say to another person that they look good or that they are intelligent. These words could be described as positive and are intended to make the recipient feel good. And yet, based on the associations that one has of these words, they could feel humiliated and made fun of. The receiver will then appear to be offended and the person who gave the compliments is then likely to feel confused. Language Of Choice The words, phrases and generalities that one has will play a massive role in how they see life. These will often be the result of habit and used without much thought. It may be said that one is using these as they appropriately mirror what is going on. And from one point of view this may be so. However, to look at it another way, the words that one is using is actually shaping their experience of what is happening. The ego mind will interpret a situation to mean something and this meaning is likely to be absolute. No alternatives or opposing views will be considered by the mind. Generalities Due to the ego mind working in polarities and seeing only black or white, it can lead to the mind interpreting situations to be all or nothing and as everyone either being one way or another way. This can have a big impact on relationships. So here, all men or all women could be seen as being a certain way. That all men cheat or all women cannot be trusted for instance. Or that people who are successful or wealthy have got there only through manipulating others. Another area could be how competent one is at something. These descriptions can consist of; I always get things wrong, I’m not good enough or other people are better than me And while the ego mind can make these generalisations; they are unlikely to make one feel empowered. They are also highly unlikely to be accurate. Feedback Once one has come to use these words on a regular basis and therefore uses them to define what an experience often means; there is unlikely to be any alternatives. The ego mind will then perceive these experiences to mean one thing and will filter out anything that could go against these interpretations. And it won’t matter if they are making one feel empowered or not. To the mind, these words have become familiar and that’s all that matters. It could be said that the mind, through its familiarity to these word, is actively looking to interpret situations through words that will mirror the perspectives that it already has. Safe What is familiar to the ego mind is what is equated as being safe. So although these words may not lead to growth or personal wellbeing, the ego mind feels comfortable with the meaning that they have. If one was to use a different phrase or word to describe something, it would be unfamiliar and there for unsafe. Here the ego mind also gets to be right; for to be wrong would mean death to the mind. And as the words that we use are generally automatic and are therefore not consciously chosen; it can mean that one is not even aware of how their words are shaping their experience of life. Awareness It can then seem that the meaning of an experience is then set in stone and unable to be changed. And if certain experiences or situations have been interpreted to mean one thing then it is inevitable that one is going to feel that they have very little influence over their life. By changing the words that one uses, there will be the chance for change to take place. Instead of seeing things in the same way: a more empowering or neutral view point can be attained. And here, one’s life can begin to open up to new possibilities. Through a change of focus and meaning; what one experiences can also change.
|
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|