Pain is part of life, and while this much is true, it doesn’t mean that this makes it any easier to accept it. And while there will be times when one does all they can to avoid pain, there will be other times when they are forced to face it.
Experiencing pleasure is something that is more appealing to human beings. Because of this, the pain that one experiences will often be minimized or removed completely. For a short while anyway, and then before long, the pain will soon appear once more.
The pain could then come back stronger and more pleasure than before will be needed to create the same high. Although pain can be removed for a short while through experiencing pleasure, it can also be removed completely by facing it directly.
Emotional pain can cause someone to suffer as much, if not more, as they would if they had some kind of physical pain. And in some cases, physical pain can be the result of emotional pain.
Here, one could be suffering from something that has recently taken place in their life, or it could be due to something that happened many years ago. And the natural reaction to emotional pain can be to run away from it.
If the support is not around or if one doesn’t feel safe enough to embrace the support that is available, then it is going to be a challenge. Not having the right emotional support is one thing, but if the support is there and one doesn’t feel safe to embrace it, it still won’t matter.
This is why there not only needs to be the external support, but there also needs to be the inner support. All the time there is conflict; one is going to end up sabotaging their ability to face their emotional pain.
If one doesn’t have this inner support, but the external support is delivered in the right way, one might be able to get over their inner fears. Just as if the external support is not there and one is able to support themselves on the inside, they might be able to find the external support that they need.
As long as one side is there, something can be done. The biggest problem is when there is no external support and one doesn’t feel supported internally. One is then going to suffer unnecessarily.
So when one does all they can to avoid their emotional pain, they might believe they are in control of it. However, their actions are still being controlled by their pain, and therefore, their pain is in control.
And the longer one runs away from it, the stronger it is going to become. Over time, it will gradually build, and this can be taken as yet another reason to avoid it. Running away may give someone some kind of momentary relief, but there will be consequences.
On one side, one might feel better due to the pain that is being removed, but it is also going make them feel worse. Their self esteem and the belief they have in themselves is likely to erode.
For all the time their pain is getting stronger and stronger and having more of an influence on their life, their personal power has no other choice than to gradually disappear. It can also work the other way around though.
When one faces something and keeps going, amidst the challenges that arise, they are going to gradually build resilience; having the right support around during these challenges will also help.
If one was to stop as soon as they were challenged, their ability to build resilience is going to be affected. And this is because resilience is like anything else on planet; it doesn’t just appear, it has to be developed.
So when one faces their emotional pain and doesn’t avoid it, they are allowing their inner strength to grow. And as their inner strength grows, their perception of their emotional pain is going to change.
The impact it has will gradually start to lessen and it will no longer be seen as something that is insurmountable. As their emotional pain disappears, their inner strength will increase.
And when someone has been through a lot and faces their pain, they are not going to be affected by things that would affect other people. When one has been through something so challenging and come through it, it gives them strength and a sense of perspective.
Whereas when someone hasn’t been through a lot, it might not take a lot for them to be overwhelmed. And this is because they haven’t got anything more challenging to compare it with.
Based on their model of the world, this is the worst thing that could happen. But if they had experienced things that were far more challenging, then their current challenge might have less of an impact. This is not to glory suffering or to dismiss another person’s suffering, it is simply to show how extreme suffering can lead to resilience and inner strength.
So in order for someone to face their pain and build inner strength and resilience, it might be necessary for them to seek some kind of external support. No one is their own island and we all need other people. A therapist or a healer can assist someone in this process.
When it comes to living ones truth, feeling supported is incredibly important. For if one doesn’t feel supported when comes to their own needs and wants, there is the chance that they will deny them.
This could take place at certain times, or it could be something that has become a way of life for them. And when this is the case, one will be forced to fulfill the needs and wants of other people.
The support will then be there, but it is only there because they are doing what other people want. And so it is not going to be possible for one to feel fulfilled and that they are living their truth.
A Way Of Life
For some people, being supported for who they are will be the only thing they know; their needs and wants will be something they can embrace. At times they will have to go without having them met, but this will be balanced out by the times they are met.
Through this, one is going to feel heard and recognised for who they are. However, it is going to be very different for people who don’t feel supported for who they are. Going without getting their needs and wants met will be a way of life.
So they will be recognised and heard, but not for who they are, it will be for playing a role. This can relate to someone who looks as though they have it all, to someone who has very little.
How something looks is not always how something really is – appearances can be deceiving While it is possible to notice someone who has trouble feeling supported, it is not as easy to notice someone who gives of the impression that they are being supported for who they are.
Each person then appears to be different, but they are both in the same position. One person may experience less approval than the other person does and yet, they are both suffering.
Ideally, one would feel supported for who they are and not for being the person that other people want them to be. This will allow one to live a life that is of their own making and they will be far happier.
When this support is not there, one is going to feel that they don’t have a choice. And that other people are in control of what they can or can’t do in life. By having this perspective, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently.
But while it is possible to question this perspective and see that it is not the truth, it is there for a reason; it didn’t just appear out of nowhere. This belief may have been a consequence of the environment that they lived in at one point in their life. And their current environments may validate it.
And because this was how the environment was, they didn’t have the chance to see that life could be different. If there was someone who showed them that it is possible for them to be supported for who they are, this would have given them another perspective.
Without the reference point that would have created another perspective, one’s mind can end up being stuck. And unless one changes the outlook that they have formed on the inside, it won’t be possible for them to experience anything else on the outside.
This can be due to what happened during their childhood years and the kind of care they received. One may have been brought up by caregivers who were only interested in what they wanted and needed and ignored what one wanted and needed.
And as their needs and wants were ignored, they came to see that they could only survive by pleasing others. If they didn’t fulfil their caregiver’s needs, they may have been: abandoned, rejected or harmed, or all three.
To be abandoned at this age would feel like death, and this is because one hasn’t got the ability to regulate their own emotions. Pleasing others ensured their survival, but it also meant they had to lose touch with their true self.
These early experiences would have created certain associations around being supported. There will be the beliefs that that one’s mind created as a result of what took place, and there will be the emotional experience that will have stayed trapped in their body.
When these beliefs are changed and the trapped emotions in one’s body are released, it will be possible for one to gradually feel supported for who they are. A therapist or healer can assist someone in this process.
Not only can they help someone change their beliefs and release their trapped emotions, they can also provide the validation that they didn’t get all those years ago.
While human beings are physically separate, it doesn’t mean that they are emotionally or intellectually separate. And as connecting to another human being involves opening up and allowing another person to open up, there are going to be moments where one merges with another.
This is not only normal, is a vital part of feeling connected to another human being. This can be the result of a shared emotional experience, as a well as an intellectual experience.
But even if it is an intellectual experience, there are still going to be emotions involved. If this merging didn’t happen, human beings would feel incredible lonely and cut off from each other.
Loss Of Self
However, while someone can feel at one with another person through having a shared experience, it can also be the result of one loosing themselves. It is then something that causes them to lose touch with who they are, and to get caught up in another person’s life.
To have a shared experience based on each person mirroring what the other person is experiencing is going to enhance one’s life. But when one person is out of touch with who they are, and is going along with the other person, it is going to be unhealthy.
Of course, there are going to be moments in everyone’s life where this takes place. And yet, when it becomes a way of life, there are going to be problems. One can then end up having no sense of self and becoming an extension of the other person.
Needs And Wants
Through becoming enmeshed to someone, one is going to have very little, if any, awareness around what their needs and wants are. Visually, they are clearly separate, but mentally and emotionally, they are one and the same.
They may have moments where they are aware of what their needs and wants are, but that is likely to be as far as it goes; as the other person’s needs and wants will take precedence. The other person is then in control of what one does or doesn’t do.
On one side then, this is allowing someone to feel connected to another human being. But unlike a normal connection, where ones sense of self would still exist, one sense of self has disappeared. And this is also going to mean that one will feel a sense of power through being enmeshed to the other person.
But at the same time, it is also going to cause one to feel disempowered. At times, one may get what they want through pleasing the other person, but they are also going to have to compromise who they are in the process. And this is going to cause them to feel: angry, frustrated and powerless.
So unless one was getting something through being enmeshed, they wouldn’t be in this position to begin with. It doesn’t mean they are consciously aware of why they enmesh with others, but the benefit is there nevertheless.
If they felt empowered and were able to stand on their own two feet, they wouldn’t have the need to enmesh with others. At a deeper level, they are going to believe that they can only survive by pleasing others.
As this person is an adult, it can be hard to understand why they would have this belief. To look at it from another angle, this is the kind of belief that a child would have. At this age, their survival can depend on whether they please their caregivers or not. But as an adult, ones survival doesn’t have to depend on them pleasing other people.
And just because someone has grown up physically, it doesn’t mean they have been able to grow up emotionally. When this is the case, one is going to feel like a child and view other people like they viewed their caregivers.
Pleasing other people will then be something they feel compelled to do. If they don’t, they are going to feel as though their very existence is under threat.
What this shows is that their emotional development has been stunted. And this is likely to be the result of their needs and wants not being met during their childhood years. Instead, they could have been used to meet their caregiver’s needs and wants.
Their development is going to be affect and this is going to have caused them a lot of pain. And as they were not given the nurturing they needed, it is to be expected that they would become dependent on other people as adults.
If they didn’t do what their caregivers wanted, they might have been rejected or abandoned. At this age, being abandoned would have been overwhelming and could have caused them to feel as though they were going to die.
One didn’t have a choice in what took place during these years, but as an adult, they do have a choice. And it is going to be important for them to release the emotions that have stayed in their body from these early years. They will also need to receive the nurturing they didn’t get growing up.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Realising ones power won’t happen overnight, but it will happen over time.
If human beings were independent, it wouldn’t matter if other people validated them or not. They would be their own island and they would be able to give themselves all the validation they needed.
But as human beings are interdependent, it means that they need to be validated by others. This is not to say that someone can’t validate themselves, what it means is that other people are just as important.
So this means that one has to balance their need for validation from others, with the validation that they can provide for themselves. One side is therefore no more important than the other.
If one was to constantly look towards others, they are going to end up having no control over how they feel. And at the same time, if one was not receiving any kind of external validation from others, their wellbeing is going to be affected.
There is only so much other people can do to make one feel good, and there is only so much one can do for themselves.
When one is completely dependent on the validation that other people give them, they are unlikely to experience any kind of emotional stability. One moment they could be up and the next moment they could be down.
If one looks a certain way, or if they are successful or famous, it might enable them to receive more validation than people who are not perceived as attractive, or who are not successful or famous. But this doesn’t mean they will always receive the validation they want from others.
And all the time is one focused on gaining validation from other people, they are going to end up losing touch with who they are and what truly matters to them. It could even become an addiction and something that becomes out of control.
The Other Extreme
One could realise that seeking validation from others is unhealthy, and end up going to the other extreme. And while this is not necessarily any better, it can seem like the right thing to do.
So one then ends up trying to live a life where they don’t need anyone’s validation and if they do, they could end up feeling guilty and/or weak. The reason they feel this way can be due to the beliefs they have formed around validation.
And these beliefs will be a consequence of what they have learnt from others. It is not uncommon for people to say that one should not seek validation from anyone, and how this need needs to be completely removed.
Now, if human beings were independent, it wouldn’t matter if one removed the need to be validated by others. This would be normal and wouldn’t lead to any problems. But the fact of the matter is that we all need to be validated by others.
To go against this need is going to cause more harm than good. However, what is important here is that one looks in the right places. There will be some people who can give one the validation they need and some who can’t.
The people who are going to be able to give one the validation they need on a consistent basis are likely to be their friends, family and their partner for instance. At times, this will include the people they don’t know, but they won’t be attached to it.
And when it comes to the people who one does open up to, it is going to be through choice. It is then not something they have no control over, it is something they have chosen. The reason they have chosen to open up to these people is because they are people they trust.
They are there to support them and not to bring them down or limit their life. And when one has these people in their life who validate them, the need to be validated by strangers is going to lessen.
The validation that one receives from these people will also be backed up by the validation they give to themselves. However, in order for someone to have the ability to validate themselves, they will have needed someone else to validate them at some point in their life.
If they didn’t have this ability, they would also have a higher need to experience it from others. So it is not they have are inherently different to people who seek validation form everyone, it is just they have received something they haven’t.
One could have come to feel self validated as a result of what has happened in their adult years or what took place in their childhood. But if one was not validated as a child, they can end up looking towards other people to fulfil their needs that were not met during these years.
And if one didn’t get the validation they need from their caregivers growing up, it is to be expected that they would unconsciously look towards other people to validate them as an adult. Years may have passed, but the need to be validated for who they are won’t just disappear.
This is why a healer or a therapist can be so important. They can give one the validation they didn’t get as a child and as this happens, one will gradually feel self validated. And as a result of this, they will no longer need to be validated by everyone they meet or have a tendency to look in all the wrong places for it.
It is often said that women are more intuitive than men, and this could be due to a number of reasons. One reason is because they are often more in touch with their feelings. Men on the other hand, are often more logical and out of touch with how they feel.
This is simply a generalisation though; as some men are going to be in touch with how they feel and some women are going to be out of touch with how they feel. And while this much is true, it can still be said that women have a greater connection to their intuition than men do.
Having this connection is going to enhance a woman’s life in more ways than one. It won’t matter what area of their life is in question, as each area of their life can be improved through having it.
So this can be: their career; the relationships they have with others; what they need to eat or avoid and where they should or should not go for example. It will also allow them to know how their loved ones are feeling and if they need anything.
There are many things that intuition can do to improve one’s life. Perhaps the main thing it does is allow one to avoid what is not right for them and to experience what it right for them.
When one ignores such a powerful source of information, there is the chance that they will suffer in some way. At times this might be minimal, but at other times it could be severe. It can all depend on what it relates to and if there is the chance to do something else once a decision has been made.
Sometimes, it could relate to a decision that is unable to be altered. And at other times, one will still have the opportunity to make another decision.
So the ideal will be for a woman to listen to her intuition, and one area where this will be extremely important is when it comes to their relationships. Through doing this, it will allow her to avoid men who are not right for her or to move on from a relationship that is not healthy.
She may realise that someone is no good for her without needing her intuition. Or it could be a situation where the guy appears to be fine and yet, her intuition is telling her something else. But it won’t matter if appearances are deceiving, as her intuition will be there to make sure it doesn’t go any further.
Through listening to their intuition or gut, they are stopping themselves from experiencing a lot of drama and hurt. So their intuition is there to protect them and to keep them out of harm’s way.
Problems are going to arise when they completely ignore their intuition. Now, most women are going to have moments where they ignore their intuition, but this is going to be different to when a woman doesn’t listen to it at all.
The Wrong Ones
When this happens, a woman is going to have to rely on how men present themselves - appearances will be all important. And while not every man in the world is out to deceive women, not every man has clear intentions either.
This doesn’t mean their intuition has therefore completely disappeared; as they could be well aware of it. It is informing them of everything they need to know, but that’s as far as it goes. And if they are not listening to their intuition, it means their actions are being defined by something else.
If this conflict didn’t exist, it would be easier for them to not only listen to their intuition, but to act upon it. And the reason they are experiencing conflict is likely to be due to what is going on for them emotionally.
Emotions can be extremely powerful; so much of what we do as human beings is defined by how we feel. This means that one’s intuition can easily be overlooked in favour of ones emotional needs.
These emotional needs can be a combination of one’s adult needs and the needs that were not met during their childhood. And when it relates to the needs that were not met during their childhood, there is the chance that they will have a lot of power.
So when they meet someone who acts in a certain way, it won’t matter if another part of them knows this is nothing more than a facade, as their emotional neediness will take over.
Here, a woman can have the need to be: held, loved, appreciated, validated and accepted, as well as the need to feel safe and secure.
All the time a woman is emotionally needy, there is going to be the chance that she won’t act upon what her intuition is telling her. This means that it will be important for her to process her unmet childhood needs.
As they relate to unmet childhood needs, it will mean that other adults won’t be able to meet all of them. They will have to be grieved, as this is done, one will begin to feel less needy.
And this will make it easier for them to work with their intuition, instead of against it. These needs can be grieved with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
One thing that can be said about human beings is that we all want to feel good. This need is something that can enhance one’s life, and at the same time, it can also create problems. It can cause someone to grow and to evolve, and it can also cause them to stay stuck or to regress.
For example, pain can be used in such a way that will allow one to be propelled forward in life. And through this, there is the chance that they will feel better. This could be the result of them changing where they live, a relationship or their career for instance.
But at the same time, one could end up feeling better by avoiding the pain that they feel. Here, one could development a pattern of avoidance and then end up: over eating, using drugs or drinking too much alcohol amongst other things.
Black And White
And this is not to say that one person will always channel their pain into something constructive and other will always end up numbing their pain through some kind of escapism. It is not that black and white.
It will depend on many factors; as to what defines whether someone embraces their pain or not. As while human beings are creatures of habit, there are always exceptions.
However, in order for someone to feel certain way in the first place, their mind will have needed to have made a certain interpretation. Said another way - how one interprets what happens will play a big part in how they feel.
Of course no one is their own island and we are all affected by what happens around us. This is part of having empathy and having the ability feel. But this doesn’t mean that how one feels is therefore completely defined by what is happening externally.
Each and every one of us has their own personal reality. There are some things that we can all relate to, such as the planet we live on, the laws of the universe and other such things. But with these things aside, we are all having our own unique experience here.
Most human beings, especially in the west, are working with the same ‘ingredients; metaphorically speaking. But when it comes how many of them are used and quantity of each one that is used, it is something that varies from person to person.
For example, everyone on this planet has the potential to feel depressed. And some people will be all too familiar with depression, whereas others might have only experienced it a few times in their life.
Other people might be familiar with what it feels like to feel appreciated and loved, whereas other people could wonder what’s it is like. This doesn’t mean that they can’t create a life where this is the case; it is just that these ‘ingredients’ are yet to be utilised.
So when it comes to how one feels, as a result of how they have interpreted something, there are going to be different factors involved. There will be what has taken place and there will be the meaning that their mind adds to what has taken place.
This meaning can be taken from what is currently going on in their life, what their childhood was like and what the people around them come up with. And while these sources can define what something means, there is the chance that they have no relevance to what has taken place.
Feeling Good Or Feeling Bad?
Not only will ones interpretations define how they feel, they will also define how they behave. And this shows how much of an impact they can have on someone’s life. Let’s say that someone contacts a friend and doesn’t hear back from them for a few days.
This could be interpreted to mean that they don’t want to talk to them. Based on this interpretation, one could feel: ignored, rejected and/or abandoned. When in reality, it could be nothing personal and simply reflect what is going on in the other person’s life.
Another example could be when someone experiences the end of a relationship or something else comes to an end in their life. One might naturally come to the conclusion that their life is about to get worse and feel a certain way because of it.
But at the same time, it could also be a sign that one is going to attract someone who is a better match, or that one is moving into direction that is better suited for them.
On one side, there is the fact that the mind doesn’t know everything. And just because a certain interpretation is made, it doesn’t mean that it is accurate. This is why ones intuition is so important when it comes to knowing what is going on.
And on the other side is the fact that, although ones interpretations could be wrong, as they influence how one feels and therefore how they behave, they are going have an impact on one’s personal reality.
So with this in mind, one thing that one can do to alter how they feel and behave, is to pay attention to how they are interpreting what is going on in their life. And if an interpretation is causing them to feel down or disempowered, then perhaps it would be better for them to change the meaning they have created.
Another thing that can cause one to form interpretations that are ‘negative’ or disempowering, are when someone has trapped emotions in their body. These interpretations are then being supported by what is going on in their body and not just what is taking place in their mind.
In this case, it will be important for one to release the trapped emotions from their body and as this takes place, the tendency to interpreted things in a ‘negative’ way will begin to subside. And this can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
When people talk about what it means to be an adult, being independent is never too far away. Here, one will be empowered to live their own life and to support themselves. So whereas a child is dependent on their caregivers to survive, an adult is not dependent on anyone in particular.
And so not only is this going to cause one to feel empowered and in control of their own life, they will also experience a certain amount of freedom. When someone is not independent, they are unlikely to feel empowered or in control of their life. And the amount of freedom they experience is likely to be minimal.
So if someone had to choose between being dependent or independent, it is clear what most people are going to go for. But while this much is clear; being independent is often the exception and not the rule in today’s world.
When someone can support themselves, they could be admired by others, and seen as an example to follow. Or other people could see them as being lucky and having something they don’t have. This could cause other people to feel jealous and even envious.
In the case of someone who can’t support themselves, they are unlikely to be admired by others or seen as an example to follow. Some people could see them as being lazy and come to the conclusion that they need to take responsibility for their life.
So if being independent is a sign of being an adult, being dependent is a sign that someone is not yet an adult. Physically they can both look like adults, but with physical appearances to one side, there are clear differences in behaviour.
And if there are differences in behaviour, it also means there are differences in how they feel. As they feel different, it is going to mean that their behaviour will also be different. This is not random though, there is going to be a reason for it.
If their appearances were put to one side and one was able to focus purely on each person’s level of emotional development, there is the chance that there will be a massive difference. While someone can physically grow up as time goes by, it doesn’t mean they will emotionally grow up.
Physical growth happens by itself, but the same can’t be said when it relates to ones emotional or intellectual development. If one doesn’t educate themselves, they will stay uneducated, and same is true for ones level of emotional development; It takes a conscious effort to be able to grow up emotionally.
And just because someone is physically an adult, it doesn’t mean they had the childhood they needed to become a well adjusted adult. During these years, one is completely dependent. Ideally, one would have had caregivers who allowed them to be this way and who were there to take care of their needs and wants.
Through having caregivers who were available, one would have received the love they needed. This then makes it possible for them to grow out of their need to be dependent and to gradually become independent
This process is a natural part of being brought up by caregivers who are able to give one the love they need. But while this kind of nurturing is essential, not everyone receives it.
When this doesn’t happen, there is as strong chance that one will end up being emotional stuck. They then might look like an adult, but emotionally they could feel like a child or even a baby.
It could be said that they had a childhood, in as much as they were children for a while, but what they didn’t have is the nurturing they needed to grow up. And as they were not allowed to be dependent during these early years, it means that they have no choice but to be dependent as adults.
As an adult, they might just believe that other people have something they don’t or that they lack something. And in many ways they would be right; the reason they feel as they do is because they didn’t receive what they needed.
It can be easy for one to feel weak and useless and to blame themselves for their inability to be independent. But through not getting the love they needed, how else are they supposed to feel?
How they feel is normal based on what happened to them, and there was nothing they could do about it during those early years. However, as an adult, one has a choice. Although their caregivers didn’t give them the nurturing during they needed growing up, it doesn’t mean that one can’t give it to themselves as an adult.
The child that was neglected all those years ago still lives within them today. And this child is going to be carrying a lot of pain.
Re-parenting oneself is a process and not something that will happen overnight; if one sticks to it, they will gradually see their life change. On one side, one will need to release the emotional pain within them, and on the other side, will be the need to receive the love that they missed all those years ago.
A therapist or a healer can allow one to release their trapped emotions and they can also provide the mirroring that they didn’t receive while they were growing up.
There are lots of ways for people to define themselves and to give their life meaning. And one of the ways that this can be done is for someone to get into astrology. In the western world, this will often involve someone finding out about their star sign and then seeing how they match up with it.
There is going to be the chance that one finds that their sign matches them perfectly. For others, it could be something that partly reflects who they are. And on the other side of the spectrum, it could be something has no relevance to who they are.
How someone responds to their sign can all depend on what they are like. Some people are critical and even sceptical and will dismiss most of what they here. Whereas other people will simply accept everything that is associated with their sign and they won’t question any of it.
And what this comes down to is the fact that it is possible for human beings to see what they want to see, and to filter out what they don’t want to see. It will be possible for someone to look at each of the twelve signs and find something they can relate to.
This is to be expected, as human beings are multifaceted. So for someone to form an identity based on their star sign or to form an opinion of someone else based on their star sign is bound to be limiting.
One is putting themselves in a box and cutting themselves of from every other part of their nature. And through doing this to others, it is not going to be possible for them to see other people differently.
And although people often believe that their star sign is all there is to astrology, it is just one sign. Their star sign is just one part of their birth chart, and this chart is made up of many signs.
Without even going into the birth chart, what this reflects is the fact human beings are not one dimensional. Similarly to how men are not all the same and neither are women, there is so much variation in life.
The World Is Our Mirror
If someone has formed an idea of someone, based on their star sign, there is the chance that their mind will filter out anything that goes this idea. This idea is not only going to shape the perception that one has of another; it is also going to shape their behaviour.
This can then lead to what is classed as a self fulfilling prophecy. If one responds to others in a certain way, they are going to influence how others respond to them. One could then take this as a confirmation of what people are like who have a certain sign; taking on the position of being nothing more than an observer of what is taking place.
However, what they are overlooking is the part they have played. And how human beings are not only the observers of what they experience, they are also the co-creators.
One could have a pattern in their life of being around people who act in a certain way. One approach would be to say that this is due to these peoples star signs and that they are all like it. And yet, if one has a pattern of attracting people into their life who are a certain way, it might be beneficial to put astrology to one side.
It wouldn’t be hard to find two people of the same sign who are extremely different. One of them could be described as ‘good’, and the other could be described as ‘bad’. Instead of looking eternally and labelling people with a certain sign as being the problem, one could look at what is going on within themselves.
Pros And Cons
No matter whether one is talking about astrology or going on holiday, there are pro and cons to everything. But if one was to focus purely on what is wrong with something, they are going to miss out on what is good about it.
One approach would be to step back from ones judgements and to see what is taking place within themselves. For if one continues to have challenges with people who are a certain sign, perhaps they are they are reminding them of what they need to heal within themselves.
Someone could point the finger at someone’s sign or they could find something else to focus on, but what is clear is their buttons are being pressed. So one either has the change to allow another to be a mirror and to see what they are being reminded off, or they can lose touch with what is taking place internally and simply blame another.
The first approach will allow one to evolve; the second approach will cause one to stay where they are.
Just because someone has worked hard to achieve something, it doesn’t mean that they feel as though they deserve it. The ideal would be for someone to feel as though they are worthy, no matter what they accomplish.
However, there are some people who are unable to accept their achievements. Part of them may know that they have worked hard and this could even be backed up by the people around them, and yet, doubt still consumes their mind.
It then won’t matter what they have gone through to get where they are or the amount of work they have put in, because they will still experience inner conflict. And this is not only going to make it difficult for them to relax when they achieve something, it is also going to make it difficult for them to accept what they do achieve.
So when they achieve something, there is the chance that they will feel like importers. And with this will be the fear that, sooner or later, other people are going to realise how incapable they really are.
This outlook could arise for someone who has only just started to experience success in their life and for someone who is used to it. But regardless of how common it is, they are still having the same experience.
What this shows, is that there is a mismatch in what is taking place externally, and in what is taking place internally. If one was to place their attention on what is going on externally, it will be clear that they have earned what they have achieved. And this is something that will be visible to other people; as long as one gains feedback from people who are not threatened by ones achievements for instance.
If one was to ignore what is taking place externally and to place their attention on what is going on internally, they will soon realise that what is going internally doesn’t reflect reality. And that what is going on internally has no connection to what is currently taking place.
One is then not stopping themselves from being successful, but what they are doing is stopping themselves from being able to embrace their success. There are going to be people who sabotage their success and this means they probably won’t get the chance to feel like impostors.
But this doesn’t mean that they have nothing in common with the people who do achieve success and who do feel like impostors. There have something in common and that is that they both feel worthless.
It could be said that the reason one person is successful and the other person is not, is partly due to how they deal with this feeling. When someone continually sabotages their life, it can mean that they are being controlled by the feeling of being worthless.
But when one allows themselves to achieve success and then stops themselves from being able to accept what they do achieve, it can mean that the feeling of being worthless is not as strong. Or that they have found a way for it to fuel their inner fire, instead their inner fire being completely put out by it.
So all the time this feeling is within someone, it is not going to be possible for them to enjoy the fruits of their labour. As soon as they have achieved one thing, they might feel the urge to achieve something else.
Not only are they going to miss out on what they have worked so hard to achieve, they can also end up being exhausted. And if one feels that other people are going to suss them out, there is the chance that they are going to experience anxiety on a regular basis.
Unless one deals with the root cause, it won’t matter how much they achieve. They are still going to feel the same, and all the success in the world won’t completely change how they feel.
The reason one feels like an impostor could be due to what has happened in their adult years and/ or what happened during their childhood years. Ones childhood years generally have the biggest influence on how they feel and what they believe as an adult.
As a child, one may have had caregivers who were less than nurturing. Perhaps one was verbally abused as a child and only received love for what they did and not for who they were.
These experiences then caused one to believe that they were flawed and unworthy of life itself. So while times have changed, one still has the same beliefs and feels the same way.
In order for someone to embrace who they truly are and to let go of what doesn’t serve them, they will need to change their beliefs and to release the trapped emotions that have built up in their body. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Feeling good is something we all want to experience and there are many ways to achieve this. One way this takes place is through receiving attention from other people; with this attention being positive. It is easy to feel down and unattractive when the attention from others is negative and/or invalidating.
And one way a woman can change how she feels is to use her body. Through this, there is the chance that she will be able to gain the kind of feedback she wants to receive in order to experience some kind of emotional boost.
This doesn’t mean that a women has to objectify her body to do this; she could just wear certain clothes and the attention from others is soon there. The important factors here are likely to be: how old they are and what they look like.
For example, when a woman is forty one, she is unlikely to have the same affect on others as she did when she was twenty one. That’s if her affect is purely based on what is taking place externally and not on what is going on internally.
For women and for men, aging is part of life. Some people try to stop it from taking place, but this is like trying to stop time – it is not something that can be avoided. So if a woman depends on her looks to feel good, for a certain time in her life, she is going to be fine.
And yet as time passes, and a woman’s outer appearance changes, her ability to gain certain responses from other people is going to diminish.
To lose something so powerful is inevitably going to have an impact on a woman’s sense of value. And yet if her whole value is based on she looks, the impact it has on her self-worth is going to be far greater.
If a woman feels insecure when she is a certain age, the attention she receives for how she looks might keep her insecurity’s at bay. Through objectifying her body, she can cover up how she feels.
Objectification is then something that enhances their wellbeing and can be used to their advantage. And if a woman has challenges with her own value and the looks that society values, then who can blame her for objectifying herself.
A Step Back
And one of the biggest reasons why a woman would feel insecure at a young age and when it comes to getting older is due to the pressures that society places on them to look a certain way. For if a woman’s value is based on her looking a certain way, if she doesn’t look this way or no longer looks this way, it is only natural that she will end up feeling worthless.
External beauty is often perceived as being more important than internal beauty in today’s world. So as a woman’s physical appearance will change; to base their value on their looks alone is to see them as objects.
A woman can therefore be accepted and appreciated for a while, but before long, she can end up feeling rejected. And if she has never looked a certain way, she can feel this way from the very beginning of her life.
But all the time a woman’s value is tied to how she looks; this is not going to change. A woman’s appearance will change over time, as will the appearance of everything on the planet, but this doesn’t mean that her inherent value decreases with it.
One reason society places a woman’s beauty above anything else she has to offer is because of evolution. Over many, many years, associations have been formed around youth and what it means it means for reproduction.
And as these features begin to disappear, a woman no longer has the same reproductive value. So although many years have passed since these associations were first formed, women are still being perceived in the same way.
It might not be something that is thought about consciously, but it is still taking place unconsciously. And one only needs to look at the western world to see how influential these associations are. This also shows how much control men have had and how oppressed women have been.
A woman needs to be valued for who she is and not for something that is transitory. And all the time a woman believes that her value is based on how she looks, she is naturally going to do all she can to maintain her looks and to feel more and more worthless as time goes by.
If something is new in today’s world, it is often classed as better, but if it is old, it is often classed as being no good. Age is something that can lead to wisdom, but if age is seen in a negative light, this wisdom is going to be overlooked and ignored.
This is not something that is going to change overnight, but it can change overtime. And we all have a part to play; whether we are male or female.
Oliver JR Cooper
Teacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?