If someone spent a lot of time on their appearance in the past, there is the chance that it wouldn’t have been possible for them to go out without looking a certain way. And while they might have been able to let go when they were at home, this might not have been the case.
As a result of this, it wouldn’t have mattered whether they were around others as they had to maintain their appearance. Yet even if they were at home, they may have been other people around. Another Factor But regardless of whether they were around others or by themselves, they are likely to have had at least one mirror. So when they were in front of one, they could have felt as though they were being watched. Therefore, if they were to put their appearance to one side and to relax, they may have felt exposed. It could then be said that their life was one big performance, and this would have created a lot of pressure. Today’s World As time has passed, these are not the only areas where one can have the need to maintain their appearance, and this is because of social media. This has created a whole new environment for them to express themselves. However, it will be easier for them to look a certain way online than will be for them to look a certain way offline. This primarily comes down to the fact that they can change how they look. A Few Touches Not only can one decide what pictures they will share with their ‘friends’; they can also edit them. This then gives them the chance to slightly change how they look, or they can completely transform their appearance. One way of looking at this would be to say that one can change how they look without needing to have surgery. When this happens, one is operating on the pictures they have taken, so to speak. Two Ways And while one could change their images and then that’s as far as they will go; they could also go one step further and have real surgery. This could be seen as something they need to do to look right online and offline. If they were to take this approach, there is a greater chance of then looking the same offline as they do online. This can all depend on what they do to the images that they upload online. Offline If one didn’t go this far and they were to only edit their pictures online, they could spend a lot of time doing what they can to improve their appearance in other ways. This is something that could take place through exercising, having a certain diet and using sunbeds, for instance. When it comes to what one can do, it can all depend on what sex they are, as there are going to be more options available if they are a woman. For one thing, a woman can change how she looks by wearing makeup, and while a man could do the same thing, this is something that is not as likely to occur. In Recent Years Still, there are number of things that men can do to their appearance that they wouldn’t have done in the past. For example, it is not uncommon for them to shape their eye brows or to remove the hair on their body. There are also a number of men that use makeup, but it is not something that the majority of men use. Yet although men generally don’t use makeup, what they do have is the ability to grow facial hair, and this can be trimmed and shaped to change how they look. Both Ways So as there are so many options available, it doesn’t matter whether one is a man or woman as they can still put a lot of effort into how they look. Ultimately, it comes down to what they are like and how they choose to live their life. When one takes care of their appearance, it could be said that they are simply looking after themselves. It is then not just about creating the right impression; it is also about treating themselves with respect. Two Experiences However, there is clearly a difference between one looking after their appearance and being obsessed with how they look. When it comes to the former, it shows that they value who they are, and yet when it comes to the latter, it could be said this is not the case. Their need to spend so much time on their appearance could be seen as a way for them to gain approval from other people. The feedback that they receive from others will then be used to cover up how they feel about themselves. Hard To Believe It is not always going to be possible for other people to realise this though, as they could end up being caught up with how they look. For example, if one is seen as being attractive, it can be normal for others to see them as having it all together. And through having this idealised image of them, it won’t be possible for them to take a deeper look into what is taking place. Along with this, if one receives a lot of approval from others, they can come across as really confident. Approval But if this was to change, they could soon come crashing down, and this because they don’t value themselves. As if they were able to give themselves the kind of approval that they look towards others to give them, they might no longer need to spend as much time on how they look. Awareness When one experiences life in this way, it can be a sign that there has been a time in their life where someone treated them badly. Perhaps this relates to what took place during their childhood years. If one is in this position and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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If one was to think about the kinds of experiences that they have had so far this year, they may find that there have been a number of moments that have had a negative effect on their life. This could relate to what has taken place in the real world, as well as what has occurred online.
And while one may remember moments where things have happened to them directly; they may also get in touch with things that didn’t. When it comes to the former, it could mean that someone did something to them; whereas when it comes to the latter, it could mean someone did something to another person. Direct If something happened to them directly, it could be a sign that they were verbally abused or even attacked. It is then not going to be a surprise for these kinds of experiences to stay in their mind even after time has passed. Indirect Alternatively, if they have been around others who were verbally or physically harmed, it could be said that it would be normal for them to experience a negative reaction. A fellow human being has been harmed and through having the ability to empathise with them, it had an effect on them. Other Occurrences However, regardless of whether one has had these experiences or not, it doesn’t mean that their year has been pain free. For example, they may have experienced some kind of loss during this time. Or perhaps they wanted something to take place and it hasn’t, and this has then made their life harder. This could then cause them to believe that their life is not going in the right direction, for instance. Part of Life Based on this, it would be accurate to say that pain is part of life and it won’t be necessary for one to be around people who are harmful. Thus, if one expects to live a life where they only experience pleasure, they are going to suffer unnecessarily. It could then be said that it will be important for one to realise that it is not possible to have one without the other. Through having this outlook, it can make it easier for them to embrace both sides and stop them from getting too caught up in the need to feel good all the time. Resilience It has been said that in instead of trying to feel good all the time, it would be better for one to develop the ability to handle the ups and downs of life. When this happens, one will be able to face reality as opposed to having the need to avoid it. And through having the ability to handle life, this can give one a deep sense of satisfaction.This is likely to mean that they won’t be used to being high on positive feelings, but what it will give them is a more fulfilling life. Another Experience Still, while one can experience pain by being verbally and physically harmed and through experiencing things that are part of life (such as loss and being let down), they can also be affected through what people say. And this can relate to what people say to them, as well as what people say to others. Along with this, it can also include what people say in general, and this will mean that they are not talking to anyone in particular. In this case, they are simply sharing their views with the world. Offended Now, this is not going to be the same as being verbally abused; what it will come down to is that one will hear something and they will feel hurt or upset, among other things. And through feeling this way, they can come to the conclusion that they have been harmed (just as they would if they were verbally or physically abused). How they feel will then be seen as a consequence of what has been said, and this shows that they are focused on what is taking place externally. This could then cause them to become angry, or they could end up feeling down. Oppression The next step could be for them to try to control what is taking place externally, and this could mean the will label someone (or a group of people). Through labelling them, it can cause them to feel ashamed and they might fear what might happen to them if they say anything else. As a result of this, one can stop them from being able to express their views, and this can be a seen as a form of tyranny. If one was able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they may come to see that they are not taking responsibility for how they feel. Self-Awareness Instead of hearing something and then basing their conclusion on how they feel; they could look into what is taking place within them. During this time, they may find that what they have heard has triggered an emotional reaction within them. But as they are unable to contain their emotional experience and to look into why they feel the way they do, they are unable to think clearly. And not only can one feel hurt, they can also act as though they are right. Superior This can then allow them to believe that they are better than the person who offended them, and there will be no reason for them to look into why they are experiencing life in this way. It is then going to be more or less impossible to have a rational discussion with them. But if they were to come back down to earth and to reflect on what is taking place, it would cause them to face how they feel. And as they are unable to handle how they feel, this is going to be the last thing on their mind. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to develop the ability to contain their emotional experience, it might be important for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group. Through doing this, it will give them the chance to look into why certain things press their buttons, so to speak. And while this will cause them to experience pain, it will allow them to grow into an adult that takes responsibility for how they feel. This will also have a positive effect on the world, as they will no longer try to control what other people say.
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When one feels as though they have control over their life, it will have a positive effect on their well-being. This is because it will be possible for them to fulfil their needs and this will allow them to grow.
Alternatively, when one feels as though they don’t have control over their life, it will have a negative effect on their life. It won’t be possible for them to fulfil their needs and this will make it harder for them to grow. The Ideal Therefore, the ideal will be for one to experience a sense of control over their life, as this will allow them to live a life that is worth living. This is not to say that their life will always go how they want it to go; but what it does mean is that they won’t be used to feeling like a victim. And as there appears to be a lot of people who feel like a victim in today’s world, it could be said that there are a lot of people that feel as though they have no control over their life. It is then going to be a challenge for them to enjoy the life that they have been given. Normal On one hand then, it can be normal for one to have a sense of control, and on the other hand, it can be normal for them to feel as though they have no control. If one can relate to the former, they might find it hard to imagine what it would be like to experience life differently. When one can relate to the latter, they may also find it hard to get an idea of what it would be like to experience a sense of control. Yet if one has always experienced a sense of control, they may believe that everyone experiences life in the same way. Projection Their experience is then being projected onto other people and it won’t matter how they experience life. As a result of this, if they were to come across someone who acted as though they have no effect on their life, they could dismiss their experience. One could say that they do have control and that they need to change their outlook, among other things. This could then mean that they are unable to empathise with their experience and the other person could then feel as though their experience is not being acknowledged. Both Ways However, if one feels as though they have no control, they could also see other people as having the same experience. What they hear about in the news or from the people they spend their time with, for instance, could be interpreted in a certain way. This then stops them from being able to see that not everyone experiences life in the same way. At the same time, if one was to hear about people who experience life differently; they could see them as being different. Two Levels One could focus on what they can see and it this can then mean that they say that other people are more intelligent than they are, or that they are more confident. If they were to overlook what is taking place on the surface, they could put it down to fact that they are inherently different. It is then going to be something that is out of their control and they will have to endure the rest of their time on this planet. And if they were to experience life differently, they could end up putting it down to outside circumstances. Controlling Yet even though one feels as though they have no control over their life, it doesn’t mean that they will allow it to define them. Instead, they could cover up how they feel and this could take place through trying to control others. When this happens, one can end up seeing other people as an extension of themselves. Ultimately, it won’t matter how their behaviour affects others, as they will be consumed by their need to avoid facing how they feel at a deeper level. Caught Up But with that aside, when one’s life is defined by how they feel they might be used to being controlled by others. In fact, they might be used to being controlled by life, and this can cause them to believe that the world is against them. Based on this, it might be accurate to say that they see themselves as being nothing more than an effect of their environment. Like a small boat in the ocean, they are tossed and turned by their surroundings. Needs This could then cause them to disconnect from their needs, as if they were aware of them it would just cause them to experience pain. Yet even if they were in touch with them, it is unlikely to make any difference. Through having needs that are rarely, if ever, met, they can be accustomed to feeling frustrated, angry and powerless. This may also mean that their life is filled with moments where they feel down or depressed. A Deeper Look If one was able to take a step back from how they experience life, they may find that it has always been this way. But while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way; what it is likely to show is that there was a time in their life where their needs were not met. This could have been during their childhood years, and this could be a sign that they were abused and/or neglected. Their needs were then ignored on a regular basis and it would be normal for them to feel as though they have no control over their life. Awareness Yet while this was the case during their early years, this is no longer the case; but in order for one to realise this, it will be important for their inner world to change. This could take place through working on their mind, or it might be necessary for them to look at what is taking place in their body. When it comes to the mind, it can relate to thoughts and beliefs, and when it comes to the body, it can relate to trapped emotions. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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On one hand, there are people that take responsibility for just about everything, and on the other hand, there are others that avoid taking responsibility for just about everything. And while it could be said that the first option is better than the second option, they are both going to lead to problems.
Out of Balance It could be said that the ideal will be for one to realise what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. If they are unable to do this, their life will be harder than it needs to be. As if one takes on too much, they can end up feeling like the weight of the world is on their shoulders; whereas if they don’t take on enough, it can cause other people to take on what doesn’t belong to them. Based on this, either one will suffer or they will cause other people to suffer. A Half-Truth This is not going to be the complete truth though, as no matter option they take it will have a negative effect on their life. Along with this, it will also have a negative effect on the people that they come into contact with. The reason for this is that if one takes on what doesn’t belong to them, they will stop other people from playing their part. And if one doesn’t take on what belongs to them, they won’t be playing their part. A Common Outlook However, when one is in a position where they take on too much, it can be normal for people to see them as an example to follow. As a result of this, it can mean that they will overlook how destructive their behaviour is. In these people’s eyes, they could believe that one is doing something that more people should do. This will then stop them from taking the time to think about how they are stopping other people from taking responsibility. A Deeper Level The reason one is overly responsible is likely to come down to the fact that they lack boundaries, and this then causes them to take on more than they should. This can mean that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. Other people’s needs are then more important than their own and being there for others can be a way for them to get their needs met. But while this may be their intention at a deeper level, they are likely to find that it rarely works, and it can then be normal for them to end up running on empty. A New Experience So in order for them to realise what they are responsible for and what they aren’t, it will be important for them to develop boundaries. As they do this and become comfortable with their own needs, they will no longer feel the need to take on what doesn’t belong to them. Through doing this, they will have more energy and they will give other people the chance to take responsibility for their own life. As if they were to continue to do what other people should do for themselves, they will stop them from growing. Enabling Another way of looking at this would be to say that one won’t be holding other people back, and if they were to continue to behave in the same way, they would be holding them back. On the surface, they may believe that they are helping others, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Now, this is not to say that one should no longer lend a hand or make a difference in the lives of others, for instance; what it comes down to is that they will be coming from a difference place. They will be comfortable with their needs and have boundaries, and this will allow them to make better decisions. The Other Side When one doesn’t take responsibility for their life, it will be normal for people to criticise them. Yet this is unlikely to have an effect on their behaviour; in fact, one could end up getting defensive. As far as they are concerned, they are is always going to be someone else who is at fault for what is taking place in their life. This could cause them to push other people way; but if they do have people around them, they could have the same outlook. Another Occurrence Some of the people in their life could be the complete opposite, and this is likely to mean that they end up being blamed for what takes place in one’s life. They are then different to the other people they spend time with but as they lack boundaries and don’t feel comfortable with their needs, they are going to put up with their behaviour. Point of Focus If one was able to take a step back and to no longer focus on what is taking place externally, it would give them the chance to reflect on their own behaviour. From here, they could look into what is taking place within them. This would give them the chance to see how they are influencing their life and after a while, they would begin to see what they are responsible for. But unless one is able to take their focus away from what is taking place externally, it is not going to be possible for this to take place. Possible Causes When one experiences life in this way, it can be a sign that they were not encouraged to take responsibility for their life when they were growing up. This could have been a time when the guidance they needed wasn’t available. Also, it could be part of their nature to focus on what is taking place externally, and this means this that it can seem as though they are not responsible for anything. There are other people who are naturally focused on what is taking place within them, and it can then be a lot easier for them to see what they are responsible for. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it will be important for them to develop the ability to reflect on their own behaviour. This can take place through working with a therapist and/or reading books on self-development, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When a relationship starts, there is the chance that one will experience a lot of pleasure, and then as time passes, this could change. This is not to say that this will go from being a something that has a positive effect on their life, to something that has a negative effect.
What this comes down to is that relationships change, and this is simply part of life. For one thing, the early stages are usually a time where each person will put their best foot forward, so to speak. Fading Away So as the days, weeks and months go by, for instance, there is naturally going to be a shift in what takes place. During this time, one might change their behaviour or this could be something that the other person does, or both of them could do this. On one hand, it might be possible for everything to carry on as it has been, and on the other hand, this might not be an option. When it comes to the former, it could be a sign that they are able to embrace what has occurred; whereas if this is not the case, it could be a sign that they are unable to do this. A Problem If the other was to change, one might find that they are not willing to put up with what is taking place. This doesn’t mean that the other is willing to accept this though, as they may act as though there is no reason for them to be this way. For example, when they first got together the other may have been easy going and then as time has gone on, they may have become domineering. It could then be said that there will be no reason for one to put up with this kind of behaviour. Change The other person will either need to change their behaviour or it might be necessary for one to walk away. Ultimately, this is not going to be something that one can overlook and so something needs to change. But while one may give them the chance to take this step, this doesn’t mean that they will wait around forever. As if they were to stand their ground and then to simply put with their behaviour, they will be sending the wrong message. Conflict When it is not this extreme and they can carry on as normal, it could be because they are experiencing conflict. For example, one could say or do something and the other could disagree or have a problem with what is taking place; and this could apply to their outlook on life, how available they are or how they spend their money. Through taking the time to talk about what is taking place, it will give them the chance to gain a better understanding of each other and to experience a deeper connection But with these examples aside, it is to be expected that one will feel different in a relationship as time passes. Fulfilment But while the amount of pleasure that they experience might go down; what should replace this is the fulfilment that it brings them. Now, it could be said that this is the same thing, or that there is no need for one to replace the other. However, what it comes down to is that when one becomes familiar with another person, they can start to see them differently. And while this can take away some of the pleasure they experienced in the beginning, what it can lead to is a deeper level of fulfilment. Growth In this sense, it can be seen as the next stage and what happens when a relationship develops. There will still be pleasure, of course, but it will also be built on a foundation of fulfilment. Yet although a relationship can bring a lot to one’s life, it is also something that can take a lot away if it was to come to an end. It might not matter whether they have been with someone for a matter of months or years, as the experience could be the same. Extreme Pain And even though they could experience more pain if they had a close connection with them, this is not always going to be the case. One could have been with someone that they didn’t get on with, for one reason or another, and still end up experiencing a lot of pain. If they did have a fulfilling relationship, it can be easier for them to understand why they feel the way they do. But regardless of whether this is the case; they can end up being in a bad way. The Experience During this time, one could feel powerless and as though they are have no control over their life. They could also be overwhelmed with grief and lose the will to live, and this can then mean they will feel depressed and suicidal. There could also be the feeling of being rejected and abandoned, and one may also experience fear and anxiety. To have this experience will be a lot to handle, but to only experience a few of these things is not going to be easy. What’s going on? One way of looking at this would be to say that one feels this way because their relationship has just come to an end. As they feel this way, it could be taken as a sign that they are meant to be with the other person, or that it shows how much they love them, of instance. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the end of the relationship has triggered pain from their childhood that hasn’t been processed. The years have passed but the pain has stayed trapped in their body. Early Years If one was able to get in touch with what took place during their childhood, they may begin to see that their current emotional experience matches up with how they felt as a child. This could mean that one experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect when they were growing up. Awareness There are at least two options here: either one avoids how they feel or they face how they feel. Finding someone or something can allow one to avoid what is taking place in their body and reaching out for support can allow them to face it. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone was to lose a family member or a close friend, it can be seen as something that will have a bigger impact on them than if they were to lose a pet. Based on this, if they were to experience life differently it could be said that something isn’t right.
Loss Thus, if one was to lose a pet and it doesn’t have an effect on their life or if it doesn’t affect them as much as the loss of a loved one, it could be said that they are having a ‘normal’ reaction. This will then allow them to feel as though there is nothing wrong with them and the people around them may also have the same outlook. However, when one doesn’t react in this way and the loss of a pet overwhelms them, they could end up wondering what is taking place. And if they were to let other people know what is taking place, they might also have the same response. The Same If one was to reflect on how they feel, they could find that the last time they felt this was when someone they were close to passed on. So even though they haven’t lost a fellow human being, their inner experience is the same. One could see themselves as someone that is highly emotional and they could then be used to embracing both sides of the emotional spectrum. As a result of this, the people around might be used to how they respond to life and there will then be no need for them to say anything. A Different Experience On the other hand, one may come to see that they haven’t felt this way before even when a friend or a family member passed on, for example. The experience of losing a pet will then be more intense than the experience of losing a fellow human being. And while one could be someone that is highly emotional, there is also the chance that it is not this black and white. If one doesn’t usually experience much of an emotional reaction when it comes to loss, they could find it hard to under why they are experiencing life in this way. Other People It could also be a big shock to the people that they spend their time with, as this will be something that they haven’t seen before. They could end up telling them that they are overreacting, for instance. The responses they get from others could end up making this time in their life even more challenging. The ideal will be for them to get the support that they need during this stressful period in their life. Hidden Nevertheless, even though one could share how they feel with others, they could also keep their experience to themselves. One reason for this is that one could feel embarrassed about what is taking place within them. What this will show is that while one will be experiencing loss; they will also be experiencing shame. This feeling that will make one want to hide how they feel and they may even want to withdraw from life. Grief One can then not just want to isolate themselves because of how they feel through losing a pet; they can also do this out of their need to stop themselves from feeling even worse. It is then not possible for them to be with their experience around others, as they will feel as though they have to wear a mask, so to speak. Yet if one believed that their inner experience is normal, there would be no need for them to feel ashamed. There may then be times when they would need to cover up how they feel, but this wouldn’t always be the case. A Closer Look Although one can feel as though their response is not normal and other people can have the same outlook; it could be said that this has a lot to do with how loss is perceived in general. In today’s world, it can be normal for people to experience loss and then to carry on as if nothing has happened. When this takes place, someone’s mind can disconnect from how the feel and the pain will stay in their body. This can take place when one doesn’t feel comfortable with their emotions and when they feel too ashamed to show how they feel. Strength Along with this, if one experiences loss and they are able to carry on as if nothing has happened, they can also be seen as being ‘strong’; whereas if they were to change their behaviour and to take the time to mourn the loss, they can end up being seen as ‘weak’. This is then similar to saying asking for help is a bad thing and suffering in silence is a good thing. The healthy approach is for one to embrace how they feel and to allow themselves to cry out the pain that is within them. In order to do this, one needs to be strong enough to handle how they feel; as if they are unable to handle their emotions, it will be normal for them to deny how they feel. The Loss of a Pet If one loses a pet and they end up being overwhelmed with grief, there is going to be no reason for them to feel as though their reaction is abnormal. They could have been in a position where they were closer to the pet than they were to another human being or they may just have had a special connection with them. Either way, they would have been a big part of their life and now this is no longer the case; the meaning of their life has changed. Their heart may feel broken and this will show how important they were to them. Awareness This will be a time where it will be important for one to be kind to themselves and to go with how they feel. As if they were to deny what is taking place and to pretend that everything is fine, it will only cause them problems further down the line. And if one doesn’t have enough support around them, they may need to reach out for this. This can be provided by a therapist or some kind of counsellor.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one’s life isn’t going as they would like it to go, there is the chance that this will cause them to experience pain. On one hand, one could end up feeling like a victim and not do anything about it, and on the other hand, they could get in touch with their anger and end up taking action.
If one was to take the first option, their life is unlikely to change; whereas if they were to take the second option, it would give them the chance to experience life differently. But regardless of what they decide to do, their life will continue to pass by. Information In today’s world, it could be said that it is easier than ever before for people to get the information that they need in order to change their life. This primarily comes down to the internet, and how one can find just about anything online. So as long as they have some kind of device, the assistance that they need is not going to be too far away. Yet if one ends up feeling like a victim and comes to believe that there is nothing they can do, it might not be possible for them to embrace the help that is available at their fingertips. In The past As a result of this, the information is there but they are not going to utilise it, and if their ancestors were aware of this, they might find it hard to understand. During their time on this planet, they may have wanted to change their life but they might not have been able to get hold of the information they needed. The reason for this could be because the information wasn’t available, and this would have stopped them from being able to do anything. This is then similar to one having food but not being hungry and another being hungry but not having any food. Money When someone doesn’t do something, they can end up saying that it’s because they haven’t got enough money. However, when it comes to finding information on the internet, there is a strong chance that one won’t need a lot; in fact, they might not need any. Therefore, it is not going to be possible for one to use this excuse, but if they do, it will be hard for them to back it up. Still, if one doesn’t to change their circumstances that is their choice. Different Areas If one does want to change their life, it could mean that more than one area of their life is not going to plan. At the same time, they could be in a position where there is one area that they want to improve. This could be an understatement though, as this could be something that is undermining their ability to live a fulfilling life. Ultimately, it won’t matter what they need help with; what matters is that they don’t suffer in silence. A Common Approach If one wanted to improve their relationships, to change how they feel about themselves or to increase their motivation, for instance, they could end up coming to the conclusion that they need to increase their self-esteem. The reason for this is that this is likely to be what they would be told if they were to look for answers online. However, even if they didn’t take this approach and they were to read a book instead (or a number of them), they could also have the same outlook. What this comes down to is how common this advice is. The Next Step One could then continue to look for answers or they could stick with what they have learned about. If they were to go along with the latter, it will be important for them to do what they can to work on their self-esteem. This can be something that one can do through using affirmations, thinking positive, exercising and focusing on their good points, for example. After doing this for a while, they may find that their life starts to improve. Adding What this shows is that one will primarily be improving their life (or trying to), through taking things in. As a result of this, they won’t need to spend much time letting go of what they are already carrying; this could also end up being something that they will completely overlook. But if one only wants to change their life and they want this to happen as soon as possible, this might not bother them. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are not interested in gaining a deeper understanding of themselves; they only want to fulfil their needs. Short-Term Solution When it comes to achieving something or feeling better, for instance, this approach may work; however, there is also the chance that it won’t allow them to experience true fulfilment and the improvements they make might not last for very long. On one hand, they can end up being out of touch with their true needs and on the other hand, they won’t be dealing with what is taking place at a deeper level. In order for one to get in touch with their true needs, it will be important for them to get in touch with what is taking place in their body. And through doing this, it will also allow them to deal with what is taking place at a deeper level. Self-Knowledge This is something that will require self-awareness and through developing this, it will enable one to understand themselves. And while this will take time and cause one to experience pain, it will be far more fulfilling in the long-term than it would be if they were to simply pump themselves up with self-esteem. Awareness Although self-development is often seen as something that is easy and designed to make people feel better, there is a lot more to it. But if one wants to experience pleasure and they want to avoid pain, they are not going to realise this. If one does want to gain a better understanding of themselves as opposed to changing how they feel, for instance, they may need to reach out for external support. This can all depend on what their circumstances are.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Everyone on this planet will have experienced physical pain at one point or another, and there is also the chance that they have suffered mentally and emotionally. And although it could be said that there is a greater awareness around the former than the latter, it doesn’t mean that this is because what is taking place within can simply be overlooked.
One Outlook As based on how today’s world is, it would be easy to say that what is taking place at a mental and emotional level is not as important as what is taking place at a physical level. There is then no reason for each area to receive the same amount of attention and everything should stay as it is. If one has suffered on the inside, they will know that physical pain is not something that is more important. They could find it hard to understand why the world is the way it is, and this is to be expected. Another View At the same time, if one hasn’t suffered in the same way, they might find it hard to understand why someone would have this outlook. In their eyes, it could be seen as something that doesn’t have much of an effect on how someone experiences life. In this case, if they were to come across someone who is suffering internally, they might wonder why they can’t just ‘get over it’, for instance. They could believe that these kinds of people are weak. Advice Therefore, if they were to come across someone who is suffering, they may tell them that they need to toughen up. And that if they were to start taking action or to simply change their life, they would soon feel better. Still, it would be inaccurate to say this outlook will apply to everyone that hasn’t suffered, as there will be people that have good understanding of what it is like. This could be a sign that they have friends and/or family who have a mental and emotional problem. In The Past Along with this, one may also have suffered in one way or another in the past, and this then gives them a deeper understanding of what it is like. Either way, they will have the ability to empathise with people who are suffering as opposed to dismissing their experience. As when one looks down on people who suffer in this way or wonders why they can’t just ’get it together’, it can be a sign that they find it hard to empathise. But if they do have this ability, then it shows that something is stepping them from putting themselves in these people’s shoes. Shame One of the reasons why physical pain receives more attention than mental and emotional pain is due to a number of reasons. For so long, having mental and emotional problems has been seen as something to be ashamed of. This has then stopped people from reaching out for the support that they need and it then sets them up to suffer in silence. Fortunately, as time has passed, this is starting to change; however, there are still plenty of people who are still unable to reach out for the support they desperately need. Part of Life Having a mental and emotional problem can then become a life sentence and not something that one can gradually move beyond. It then won’t matter what kind of condition their body is in, as they won’t be able to enjoy the life that they have been given. And one of the most common mental and emotional problems that someone can suffer from is depression. This can be a something that is fairly mild, or it can be something that is far more extreme. Depression Through experience this, one can feel down and lose interest in life; each day will then be a struggle. This is not to say that everyone experiences depression in the same, as there can be a difference in how if affects people. At the same time, this is how lot of people experience life when they are depressed. And when one ends up feeling depressed, they can end up suffering in silence or they can go and see their doctor, for instance. The Second Option If one was to go and see their doctor, they might end up being referred to a therapist and/or end up being put on antidepressants. It could be said that it would be better for them to work with a therapist than to simply take something. The reason for this is that it will give them the chance to look into why they are experiencing life in this as way; whereas if they were to simply take something, they wouldn’t be able to gain a better understanding of themselves. There is also the chance that it might be better for them to avoid taking anything, but this can all depend on the circumstances. Self-Reflection Through working with a therapist, it will give them the chance to bring their attention within themselves and to take a deeper look into why they are experience life in this way. Yet this doesn’t mean that one needs to work with a therapist in order to do this, as they can do this by themselves. This can be a time where one can think about when they first started to experience life in this way and what was taking place for them at this time. Or if this in an experience that comes and goes; they can look into what takes place when it comes and what takes place when it goes. A Process When one’s point of focus is on what is taking place within them, they will be observing their thoughts, emotions and sensations. The feelings that arise within then could relate to something that has occurred during their adult life or what took place during their childhood. This can then mean that one is carrying trapped emotions in their body, and this will have an effect on what is taking place in their head. But like most things in life, it can take a while before one is able to observe what is taking place within them. Different Factors At the same time, this doesn’t mean that depression is also caused by what is taking place within them, as it can be due to what they eat, the kind of environment they live in and what has been passed down from their ancestors. When their experience is not their own and it has been passed down, they will be suffering out of their need to be loyal. Awareness Through developing self-awareness one will be able to get the ball moving and from here, they can begin to see what why they are experiencing life as they are. The alternative would be for one to have absolutely no awareness of what is taking place within them and it would then be a lot harder for them to change their life. If one wants to develop self-awareness, they can do this through working with a therapist and by meditating. Reading books on self-development can also help.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to go and see their doctor, there is a strong chance that they would be the point off focus. This is primarily due to the fact that one is likely to be there because they have a problem and the doctor is there to assist them with what is taking place.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one is receiving more than they give, and if this was a normal relationship, this wouldn’t be the case. But as this is not a normal relationship, this is not going to be the case. The Benefit Through playing this role, it will allow the doctor to fulfil their needs, and this is not just going to relate to the kind of things they will be able to buy. If they were doing this to earn money, then it would be clear that they are doing it for the wrong reason. One of their primary needs may be to make a difference in other people lives, and this can also be a sign that they have a good level of empathy. Hearing about what other people are going through and doing what they can to change their circumstances is then something that gives their life meaning. Both Sides There will be what the doctor receives and there will then be what the patient receives, and each person is getting what they need. In many ways, this is a relationship that is similar to what takes place with a parent and a child. As along with one being the centre of attention when they go to see their doctor; they can also look up to them. Thus, just like one can believe that their parent knows everything, they can also have the same outlook when it comes to their doctor. A Short Time However, this would have been how they experienced life as a child, but as an adult it will only be something that they experience on the odd occasion. That is unless, of course, they have the tendency to see other people in the same way. It then won’t matter if they are paying a visit to their doctor or spending time with friends or family, as they will feel the same. What this will then mean that one’s relationships are out of balance. Balance If one generally looks up to others, it could be said that they believe that other people are above them. Based on this, one will believe that other people have more to give and it will then be a challenge for them to have adult to adult relationships with others. The ideal with be for them to see themselves as being on the same level as other people, and for them to have moments when they give and moments where they receive. One person is then no more important than the other and they both have a part to play. Talking and Listening So when they spend time with someone they are close to, this is generally going to be moments where they will talk and listen. There will then be the chance for one to express themselves and this will allow them to take in what has been taking place in the other person’s life. This is not to say that each interaction they have will be equal; what it comes down to is that their relationship won’t be one-sided. One will then have a good understanding of what is taking place in the others life and the other person will be in the same position. Curiosity Yet if one didn’t have a certain level of curiosity, it is likely to mean that this wouldn’t take place. The reason for this is that unless one wants to find out about another, they are unlikely to make the effort. As a result of this, it can stop them from getting to know people and this can mean that they won’t be able to develop relationships with them. Instead, one could end up being isolated from others, or they one could end up being surrounded by people who make all the effort. Out of Balance It can then be normal for them to live a miserable existence on one hand, or to take more than they give on the other hand. Either way, their life is going to be out of balance and until they change their behaviour, they will continue to experience life in the same way. When one finds that they are not interested in other people, it could be how they have been for as long as they can remember. At the same time, they might have ended up this way after something took place in their adult years, for instance. A Deeper Level Through being curious about someone, not only will it allow them to get to know them on a surface level; it can also allow them to get to know them on a deeper level. Surface level connections play a part in life, but it is the deeper connections that will be far more fulfilling. And as long as the other person is also curious and is happy to give, they will return the favour. It will then be possible for intimacy to take place, but this wouldn’t have occurred if one was caught up in their own life. An Act Still, even if one is self-centred, that doesn’t mean that they won’t be interested in other people. What it does mean is that they will only be interested when they want something, and once they have what they need, their behaviour may soon change. This can then mean that their relationships won’t last for very long or if they do, it is likely to be a sign that they attract people who don’t value themselves. One could see other people as an extension of themselves and this can play a part in why they use them. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their behaviour, it will be important for them to change their point of focus. Through putting more effort into their relationships, it will allow them to have a more fulfilling life. This is a process that can take place through simply being aware of what needs to be done and then taking action. But if one feels as though they need to be assisted with this, they may need to work with a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to run out of food in the past, they would need to go shopping; however, in today’s world, this is no longer the case. The only thing that they need to do is to go online and to order what it is that they need.
And depending on when they order what they need, it could be delivered in a few hours or it could arrive the following day. But regardless of when it is delivered, this is something that will save them a lot of time and effort. The internet This is just one of the things that one can do through being able to use the internet, and another thing they can do is find a partner. As a result of this, there will be no need for them to go out into the world, so to speak. The only thing that they will need to do is to join a dating site (or a number of them), and them to upload a few pictures and to write a description. They may also need to pay a certain fee, but this won’t always be the case. Support On one hand, one could tell people about what they are going, and on the other hand, this could be something that they keep to themselves. If they were to keep it to themselves, it could be a sign that they haven’t got anyone to share it with. At the same time, it could be sign that one is ashamed of what they are doing, and this then stops them from letting other people know. Now, there could be a number of reasons as to why one would feel this way. Outlook What it can come down to is that internet dating is often seen as something that people use when they haven’t got what it takes to find someone in the real world. Based on this, one can feel as though there is something wrong with them and that’s why they are going online. Yet while this outlook still exists, it is something that is gradually being phased out, and this shows that internet dating is starting to be seen as normal. Thus, even if one does feel ashamed for using the internet to find a partner, it is not something they need to be too concerned about. Acknowledgment One can simply accept how they feel and see that it is simply the result of the conditioning they have received up until this point. In others words, how they feel doesn’t reflect reality, and this can allow them to focus on finding the right person. And if one was to talk to the people around them about what is taking place, they may end up being supported or they might not. There is also the chance that some of these people have also tried it, or they might be trying it at this moment. The Priority Still, what these people have done in the past or what they are doing in the present is not going to matter; what matters is that one does what they need to do. Their need to find someone to share their life with is far more important than pleasing other people. And if the people around them truly value them and want them to be happy, then there is a strong chance that they will support them. But if this is not the case, then one might need to think about whether they are around the right people. The Reason If one was to reflect on why they are using the internet to find a mate, it could be because they haven’t got enough time to find someone in the real world. Along with this, one could also see it as another option, and this can mean that they will still go to the kind of environments where people typically find people to date. However, one may have put a lot of effort into finding someone in the real world and not had the kind of success that they are looking for. This could mean that one simply hasn’t found someone they get on with, or it could mean that they attract people who are abusive. A New Beginning Either way, internet dating can be seen as something that will allow them to finally meet someone who is right for them. So one could spend a while talking to someone (or a number of people) and then they could go on a date. After meeting them, they could find that they have a good connection and it might not be long until they get together again. This could then be the start of something they haven’t experienced before. Another Experience Alternatively, time could pass and one could see that the person they have met is no different to the people they have been with before. In fact, it might not even take this long, and they could notice this straight away. And while one could meet someone who is different, they could also end up in the same situation all over again. As a result of this, one could come to believe that it is not possible for them to find someone who is right for them. Hopeless This can then cause them to feel hopeless and they could believe that there is nothing they can do to change this part of their life. It could be said that it would be normal for them to feel this way; especially as they are unable to experience life differently. So even though one is using the internet to find someone, they are still attracting the kind of people that they would attract in the real world. What this comes down to is that one is not randomly attracted to people; they are a reflection of what is taking place within them. Awareness Therefore, if one has been unable to attract someone that is right for them, it will be important for them to look at what is taking place within them. This could be a time where they need to change what they believe, process an emotional build-up and/or give back what doesn’t belong to them. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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