Just under a month ago I was looking through a book called ‘Strengths Finder 2.0’ by Tom Rath. This is a book that gives someone the chance to find what their hidden talents are and to go over the ones they are already aware of.
So, when I opened the book and looked at the contents page, I saw that a number of different strengths had been listed. The first one that stood out was ‘Individualisation’ and the second one was ‘Empathy’. The Description In all these strengths, there was the effect it had on them and then there was how it affected how they treated others. When it came to first strength that stood out, it said that someone with this strength generally sees people as individuals. Though being this way, it stops them from allowing the colour of another person’s skin, their gender or nationality from defining how they see them. This means that they are not going to have the tendency to put people in a box. A Vital Ability A number of other things were said in this description, but this was the part that stood out for me. I could relate to a lot of what was said and I thought about how important it was to see people as individuals. The alternative is to put people into a box, with the box they go into being defined by their gender, skin colour or nationality, amongst other things. Along with this, it is equally as important for someone to think for themselves and not to blindly accept what other people believe. Today’s World After I finished reading this chapter, I started to think about how the political realm is full of people who are unable to see others as individuals. There also appears to be plenty of people who go to university (or who have been) who are the same. This is usually what happens when someone has learnt about identity politics, with this being something that causes them to put everyone into a box; someone is then gong to be oppressed or they are going to oppress others. Clearly, this makes it impossible for them to see another person as an individual. The Other Side And, if they are unable to see people as individuals, it means that they are not engaging their mind. Instead, they are just projecting their inner reality onto these people, and this is going to stop them from being able to truly connect to them. Now, it takes far more energy to see people as individuals and to connect to them in this way, but this approach is more humane. Putting people into boxes is not going to create more peace and harmony on this planet, that’s for sure. Final Thoughts The chapter on empathy went into now someone with this strength can put themselves into another person’s shoes and to put their experience into words. Being this way is going to make it easier for someone to have fulfilling relationships and it will be harder for them to cause harm. If you would like to find out about what your strengths are or to reacquaint yourself with the ones you know you already have, you may enjoy going though this book. Reading parts of this book certainly had a positive effect on me.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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During a call that I had with Errol Campbell, he said that he hadn’t been able to use the sauna the day before due to a minor problem at the hotel nearby. He went on to say that he meditates when he uses the sauna.
I thought that this was different, with it being something that I hadn’t thought about doing before. The reason he mediated in a sauna was that the heat would keep his mind busy, thereby allowing him to connect to himself. Another Experience A little while before this I was in Stockholm, Sweden, and my friend Peter had a portable sauna that he used. He didn’t mediate while he was using it, but he had done a lot of mediation it he past. When he lived on at monastery, he said that he used to mediate for a number of hours every day. This allowed him to develop a strong connection to the universe, yet he gradually lost his sense of self in the process. Looking Back I had meditated when I first got on the path around fifteen years ago; this was a time when I was reading books about Buddhism and Jewish mysticism. After this, about two years ago, I started mediating whilst listening to S.N.Goenka. I found that listening to him helped to keep my mind focused; the trouble was that some of the stuff he came out with made me laugh. As a result of this, I would often lose concentration. The Signs Were There Through hearing Errol and Peter talk about mediation, it was as though I was being encouraged to get back into it myself. I ending thinking that it would be a good idea to see what it would be like to mediate in a sauna. In the beginning I had music on, but I soon realised that I couldn’t concentrate with it on and turned it off. Once it was it off I was able to focus on my breathing and my thoughts started to settle down shortly after. The Contrast It wasn’t until after I got out of the sauna and got back home that I realised how effective it had been. My mind was no longer as calm; it was filled with thoughts and ideas about different things. Through having very little going on in my mind, it had allowed me to see how busy my mind usually was. What was going on in my mind was just a combination of what I had been through and what I knew - there was nothing new. Final Thoughts I started to think about how important it was to get out of my mind and to connect to my body. It was clear that mediating would allow me to relax and to develop a stronger connection to myself. So, if you are able to use a sauna, I would definitely recommend that you see what it is like to mediate in one. And, if this is not an option, you can still mediate without being in one.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Does The Establishment Think That People Are Too Stupid To Think For Themselves?29/4/2018
Not too long ago, a lot was said about “fake news”, and how this was causing all kinds of problems. Along with blaming the Russians, “fake news” has been seen as one of the reason why Trump won and Brexit took place.
Based on how the mainstream media and certain politicians have responded to this, it is as though all the news in the past was real news. These people are then doing their job, which is to make sure that their fellow human beings are informed and looked after. The Next Step Yet, without even going into whether this is something that these people actually care about, they haven’t just sat back and criticised what they believe is going on. No, they have been doing what they can to put an end up this “fake news.” A certain amount of pressure has been put on social media sites to put a stop to this type of news. Doing so will then allow people to be told about what is actually going on by the media organisations that only tell the truth. The Right Track It is then easy for someone to come to the conclusion that everything would be fine if it wasn’t for “fake news.” Getting rid of this type of news would then solve a lot of problems, which would make the world a better place. Naturally, this is not an easy task due to how hard it is to control what people do and don’t see online. As times goes by, there is no doubt that more will be done to limit what people see. Another Issue Along with the trouble that “fake news” is causing, a lot has been said about the impact that people’s views are having. Now, this could also be said to be no different as this can relate to what people say about what is going on in the world. Still, what is different is that it can also relate to what people write on their wall or what they say on a video. Thus, they don’t need to have a website where they write about current affairs, for instance. A New Type of Crime There are times when what someone says will be labelled as “hate speech”, with this being seen as speech that is meant to hurt or offend someone. So, if this kind of speech is not stopped, it will create problems. It is then going to be clear that this kind of speech is not acceptable and that it needs to be clamped down on. What is clear is that the people at the top have a lot to do to keep the world from falling apart. One Outlook As the people at the top have their fellow human beings best interests at heart, there is going to be no need to for anyone to question what is taking place. Carrying on as a normal is then going be the best approach to take. Undoubtedly this is what a certain amount of people will do; while there will be others who are unable to do so. Consequently, they will start to think about if there is more to this than meets the eye. Business as Usual What could come to mind is that the mainstream media has always lied about what is going on, so it’s not as though “fake news” is anything new. If there is anything that is new, it is that this type of news has now been given a label. It could be said that the mainstream media didn’t have a problem with it before but now other sources are doing the same thing, it has suddenly become an issue. Additionally, accusing other news sources as being “fake news” is going to be a way for them to smear these sources; sources that often reveal the truth. Thought Control And, if they were to think about so-called “hate speech”, they could see this as another way to control what people say. Ergo, instead of people being able to express their views and to talk about what they have seen with their own eyes, they can feel the need to stay silent. Or to be more precise, they will only talk about things that are seen as acceptable and that go along with the dominant cultural narrative. This term will then have just been created to control what people say and this will influence what people allow themes to think about. Totally Incapable Another way of looking at all this would be to say that the people in power believe that their fellow human beings can’t think for themselves. This is why they need to control what people are exposed to. If this didn’t take place, they would end up believing all kinds of crazy things and end up behaving in ways that are harmful. At the same time, some of these people will believe that this has already been taking place, with this being seen as the reason why Trump won and Brexit occurred, among other things. Critical Thinking Clearly, human beings are not perfect and this is why they are going to make mistakes from time to time. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean that they are always going to be incapable of finding out whether something is true or not. So, if there are so many people in the western world who are incapable of thinking for themselves, what does that say about the education system? Does this mean that people are not being taught how to think for themselves? Conclusion If someone wants to control the population, the last thing they will want is for them to be able to think for themselves. This is surely why the people at the top want to take away peoples guns in America; it will be a lot easier to control them that way. One of the most important things for someone to learn is how to think critically; this is incredibly important. Without this ability, one can end up being nothing more than a puppet, and this is going to stop them from putting up any kind of resistance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
As a boy I went to a Church of England school and this meant that there were occasions when I would have to go to church. Additionally, my father was a Christian and he was part of the church choir as a boy.
However, I wasn’t forced to read the bible and to go to church every Sunday. This was not something that appealed to me and, as the years passed, I often wondered why anyone would feel the need to belong to particular religion. Critical Thinking I wanted to come to my own conclusions and decide how I would behave; not simply believe what other people had told me and allow these beliefs to define my behaviour. If I was going to join a religion, it would be religion that I had created. But I thought that this would be limiting and I wouldn’t want anyone else to simply follow what I had come up with. Doing so would stop them from thinking for themselves, causing them to act as though they were just an extension of me. A Common Experience When I went shopping around this time I would often see (or should I say hear) someone who was preaching. At first I would try to have conversation with them, but I soon realised that this was a complete waste of time. Their way of looking at the world was the only way of looking at it and that was all there was to it. What I soon came to think about was that if people like this were so sure of what they believed, why did they need to convert everyone? Inner Doubt I came to the conclusion that the reason they needed to covert other people was because they didn’t actually believe what was coming out of their mouth. This meant that they needed other people to have the same outlook in order to silence the part of themselves that wasn’t on board with what they were saying. Not being able to have their views challenged was also part of this; if they allowed this to happen, it would have forced them to think about why they believed what they did. Their mind was closed. A Sensible Outlook Around this time I listened to an audio recording where Dov Baron went into how someone could only claim to be part of a religion if they had chosen it themselves. Otherwise, they would just be following something because they had been told to follow it. If they had chosen it themselves, they would have looked into a number of different religions and chosen the one that was in alignment with who they are. I thought that he made a good point and that this was the rational thing to do. A Recent Experience While I was at the airport a little while ago, I saw two children who had indentified with a certain region - what they were wearing gave this away. I ended up wondering how these two young children could be religious. They were at an age where they wouldn’t have had the ability to think for themselves, which would have stopped them from being able to choose a religion that was right for them. It was highly likely that they didn’t have a choice in the matter and that their caregivers forced this religion upon them. Final Thoughts I would say that making a child go along with a religion is another form of abuse; it is what happens when caregivers see their children as an extension of them, as opposed to separate beings. Once someone gets to the age where they the ability to think for themselves they will be ready to choose a religion - that’s if they want to, of course. As Khalil Gibran once sad when he was talking about children, “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was to take action there is no guarantee that everything would go to plan; in fact, everything could go wrong. This is why a certain amount of trust will be needed for them to take the first step.
Without this, it would be a challenge for them to take action. They might not do anything, which could stop this area of their life from changing, and this could be how they are when it comes to other areas of their life. Faith So, when someone is generally able to take action, it is likely to show that they believe that everything will work out. And if there are problems, they may believe that they will be able to handle whatever happens. One is then not going to believe that the world is against them or that it is not safe for them to be here, for instance. It is through having trust in themselves and the world that they will be able to take action without knowing exactly what the outcome will be. Freedom Ultimately, being this will allow them to live life as a free human being; a human being who can listen to their own needs, feelings and inner calling, and then act upon these aspects. Through listening and then acting upon them, it will also strengthen the connection they have with themselves and life. When they take action and it doesn’t go as expected, they will be able to learn from what happens and this can stop them from getting too caught up in what takes place. At the same time, the outcome they experience might end up being more even more beneficial to them. Inner Peace Their connection to themselves and life will also make it easier for them to settle down and not to get too caught up in what may or may not happen to them. This will stop them from wasting a lot of their energy worrying about things and being anxious about the future. And as their mind won’t be hyperactive and caught up in the future, it will be a lot easier for them to live in the present moment. One is not going to see themselves as being separate from life, they will see themselves as being part of it. One Area Being this way is going to make it easier for them to connect to other people and to have fulfilling relationships. They will be able to open their heart to the right people, allowing these people to connect to them. Their relationships with others are then going to be far more meaningful than if they were to only share their mind and body. When someone does experience life in this way, their life is going to be very different to someone who finds it more or less impossible to trust. A Different World If they were to think about how the person above experiences life, they could feel extremely uncomfortable. Instead of letting go and trusting in life, their modus operandi is going to be to do what they can to be in control. Letting this control go and trusting life to give them what they need is likely to be seen as something that would be very dangerous. Just thinking about this could fill them with fear and make them want to regain control. Inner Model It is then going to be clear that they are not going to believe that the universe or existence is benign; it will be seen as something that is out to harm them at any opportunity. As a result of this, it is not going to be a surprise that they find it so hard to let go. What this can then mean is that they will be used to worrying about what will or won’t happen in the future, making it incredibly difficult for them to live in the present moment. Listening to their needs, feelings and inner calling is going to be a challenge; they will be more concerned with stopping ‘bad’ things from taking place. Relationships If they are in a relationship with someone, they are unlikely to feel as though it is safe enough for them to open their heart. This is then going to be a very surface level relationship. Conversely, they could be single and just have people in their life who they share their mind and body with. Then again, they could keep just about everyone at bay and live a very lonely existence. A New Start One way of looking at this would be to say that they need to let go and to trust, doing so will allow them to feel alive and to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. This may work or this approach might be too much for them to handle. The alternative would be to look into why they find it so hard to let go and to trust. What could become clear through doing this is that this is what feels safe and, until this changes, they won’t be able to change their behaviour. Going Deeper What this comes down to is that they will have trouble with being vulnerable and with being (as opposed to doing), and this will relate to their feminine aspect. The need to be in control will relate to their masculine aspect. To understand why this might be, it is going to be a good idea to look into what happened during the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when it wasn’t safe for them to just be and their needs might rarely, if ever, have been met. Violated These experiences would have caused them to believe that they would only survive if they were in control, with letting go and trusting being seen as a threat to their very existence. This is likely to be the result of being abused and/or neglected. And, by not getting their needs met, they are going to believe that the universe or existence is not going to support them either. If they were to put what they believe into words, they could say that their caregiver/s was not there for them, so why would anyone or anything else be there for them. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
First there is the desire to do something and then there is what needs to be done for one to experience that which they desire. For this to happen one may just need to need to leave their house and to head out.
Ultimately, what they need to do is going to be defined by what it is that they want to experience. Naturally, if they don’t do anything and just sit around, absolutely nothing is going to take place. Another Need Similarly, if one wanted to achieve something, they would also need to take action. When it comes to what they will need to do before they reach their goal, it can all depend on what it is that they want to achieve. For example, if one wanted to completely transform their body, it is obviously not going to happen overnight. They will need to take consistent action; if they don’t, they won’t achieve their desired outcome. The Main Part It has been said that when it comes to achieving anything, turning up in the main thing. What this emphasises is how important it is to take action and not to stand on the sidelines watching life go by. This saying also shows that while having ability helps, it is not going to be of use if someone doesn’t do anything with what they have. Whereas someone can be in a position where they are not particularly gifted but they take action, meaning that they will do better even though they are not going to be as capable on paper. A Big Demand The self-help industry is full of books and courses that talk about the importance of taking action. This shows that there are a lot of people who need this kind of guidance; if this wasn’t the case, there wouldn’t as much material out there on this area. What this means is that if someone does find it hard to take action and to ‘go after their dreams’, they don’t need to stay this way. And, once they start taking action and build momentum, there can be no stopping them. Black And White Once they take action, it could then be said that they will be in touch with themselves and they will drive to fulfil their needs. The people around them can end up giving them positive feedback, seeing them as someone who has it all together. However, what this would overlook is that while taking action can show that one has a good connection with themselves, it can also show that they are running away from themselves. Here, one will take action to change how they feel; their actions will then be a means to an end, stopping them from being able to enjoy the process. Two Types of Action On one side, then, there is inspired action, and this will take place when one is in tune with who they are and feel good about themselves. They will take action when it is necessary and this means that they won’t have turned themselves into a machine. On the other side of this will be someone who is out of tune with who they are and feels bad about themselves. Their whole life is then going be about doing and it won’t be possible for them to just be; they will be more like a machine than a human being. Two Approaches So, if someone finds it hard to take action, they will need to develop the habit of taking action. This could take place by reading a book and then applying what they have learnt, or they could just taking small actions and work their way up to bigger things. If one is constantly doing things, finding it hard to relax and to let go, they will need to look into what they are trying to avoid. Healing the pain that is within them may allow them to settle down. Stuck While someone’s life may change after applying what they have learnt in a book or find that taking small steps allows them to take bigger steps, this might not work for them. Intellectually, they will know how important it is to take action and they could see that not taking action is having a negative effect on their life, but that won’t be enough for them to get the ball moving, so to speak. Along with this, the thought of taking action could be something that causes them to experience a lot of fear. For some reason, not taking action is going to be what feels safe. Just do it One thing that one could then do is to ignore how they feel and to take action; this will stop them from being controlled by fear. If they give into their fear, it will be harder for them to embrace life. At the same time, this approach could end up causing them to feel overwhelmed. Not taking action is going to have a negative effect on them and taking action is also going to cause them problems. Inner Conflict This is going to stop them from being able to listen to their need and feelings. Perhaps they haven’t been this way for very long, or maybe they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What this can show is that they have had an experience, or a number of experiences that caused their system to be overwhelmed. This would have destroyed their sense of trust in the world, which would have eroded their sense of safety. Awareness If this goes back to what happened during the beginning of their life, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected. Their body and mind will be carrying trauma that needs to be resolved. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When I was on a course in 2009, there were moments when we all had to pair up with someone to practice the technique that we were learning. I would try to work someone who I felt comfortable with, and was something that just about everyone else did.
Towards the end of the course, we were told to find someone who we hadn’t worked with before. And it was suggested that we work with someone who we had avoided up until this point. An Opportunity to Grow I didn’t think this made a lot of sense at first and thought that it would be better for me to work with someone who I felt at ease with. Nevertheless, what I came to see is that by working with someone who I had avoided, it gave me (as well as them) the chance to see why I had been avoiding them. Being in close proximity to them had triggered something within me and by working with them; I would be able to work through what was going on within me. If, on the other hand, I had avoided them, I wouldn’t have had the chance to do this. A Similar Message A little while after this course, I read a number of Osho’s books and one thing he spoke about was being with a problem until it was no longer a problem. So, instead of trying to change what was going on or to run away from it; it was simply about embracing what was going on and being with it. Through coming from a place of acceptance as opposed to resistance, the problem or situation would gradually change. This is then about surrendering to the moment and working with the flow of the universe – something that takes a certain amount of trust. The Connection It might seem as though what I have said here has nothing to do with what happened whilst I was on the course, yet what both of these things have in common is how beneficial it can be to face that which makes us feel uncomfortable. This is something that can involve being with are so-called negative thoughts and feelings. What makes these aspects even stronger is when we try to deny them; after all, what we resist persists. This shows that the need to feel good or to change something can just be a way for us to avoid how we feel, with this need coming from our ego. A Number of Years Later In 2015 I met someone called Wain Gordon and I thought that this was just another guy who was into self-development. How wrong I was – this was someone who had very little in common with a lot of the people I had met who were into this area of life. In many ways, being around him was similar to having a stone in my shoe; I would often feel unconformable and as though I was being challenged. But while having a stone in my shoe would be painful, I came to see that I would only experience pain if I interpreted what Wain was saying in the wrong way. Clear Intentions He would ask me why I wanted to achieve something and what I had hoped to achieve after I had done something. He wasn’t asking me this to because he had nothing else to do and wanted to undermine me; he asked me this because he wanted to see if I was aware of what my motivations were. I came to see that these were the kinds of questions that I should be asking myself if I wanted to behave in a conscious manner. However, if I had got caught up in how uncomfortable I felt, it would have stopped me from being able to grow. Final Thoughts I think that this empathises how important it is to be able to observe our inner processes and, when we can do this, it will be a lot easier for us to learn from that which causes us to feel uncomfortable. It has been said that our own life is our greatest teacher and it is easy to see why this is the case. That is, of course, if we pay attention to the messages that are being given to us. If you would like to find out more about Wain, and the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Not too long ago, I was speaking to someone who had a less-than nurturing childhood, and this was something that had left them in a bad way. There was the impact it had had on how they saw themselves and then there was the trauma that they were carrying.
Then again, it might be more accurate to say that the trauma within them was defining how they saw themselves. It was then not a case of there being two problems, as their view of themselves was simply a symptom of what was taking place at a deeper level. Searching For Answers That wasn’t all they spoke about, though, as they had read a number of books and worked with a number of different therapists. It was clear that they were not willing to put up with how their life was. But while they were doing the right thing, they still felt as though there was something inherently wrong with them. As a result of this, it wasn’t always possible for them to give themselves the support that they deserved. A Normal Reaction I said that this is often what happens when someone was abused during their younger years; they end up feeling responsible for what happened. This is due to the fact that they would have been egocentric at this age. Consequently, it is then not that someone’s caregiver/s had issues; it is that there was something inherently wrong with them. Through having this outlook, it can take a lot for them to reach out for support as an adult and, even if they do, there can still be moments when they end up falling down, so to speak. A Big Challenge They can then end up sabotaging their own healing, and this can take place by putting an end to the therapy that they are having, for instance. Being drawn to alcohol or drugs can be another way for them to punish themselves. The abuse would have been external to begin with and now it will be internal, with this being will stop them from being able to do what it takes to heal themselves. This will take place though how they talk to themselves and how they feel. Inner Conflict I knew exactly what this person was going through and this was because I had been though the same thing. During the early stages of my own healing journey, there was a small part of me that was on my side and a big part of me that wasn’t. And, as time went by and I worked through the layers of pain within them, this small part of me gradually got bigger. This has not been an easy path to walk, but I can say that it has definitely been worth it. A Warriors Journey I wouldn’t have been able to achieve what I have without the assistance of others; their support has been invaluable. I told this person that it takes courage to do what they are doing and that they are doing the right thing. Facing how we feel and working through our pain it is not easy, yet it is a vital part of being able to heal. I would say that it is easier than ever before to find the right assistance and this is largely due to the internet. You are worth it! So, if your childhood left you in a bad way, reach out for the assistance that you need. And, if you have already taken this step, keep going and don’t give up on yourself. What happened to you all those years ago doesn’t reflect who you are and, as you heal yourself, you will gradually realise this. Your future self will thank you for what you do to change your life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A little while ago I spoke to someone whose son had gone through a break up, and this was something that had a big impact on him. She didn’t say how long he had been with her for, but she did go into what he had gone though.
He ending up losing the will to live and, as a result of this, he wanted to end his own life. When he was about to go and do this, his mother got hold of him and stopped him from going anywhere until he had settled down. The Difference Hearing this made me think about how fortunate this guy was that his mother was there to give him the support that he needed. What also helped was that he didn’t hide what he was going through; allowing his mother to know what was going on for him. If he had just kept what he was going through to himself, he wouldn’t have been able to get the support that he desperately needed. Also, if he had needed support but his mother hadn’t taken him seriously; it would have been just as bad. Two Parts In order for a man in this position to get the support that he needs, he will need to open up and he will need to do this around people who actually care about what he is going through. The first step is talking to someone and if this doesn’t go well, it will be vital for to find someone who does care. When I heard this women talking about what her son had gone though, I didn’t feel the need to judge him. The reason for this is that I knew how painful it can be when a relationship comes to an end. Looking Back I have had a number of break ups in the past that have completely floored me. At one point in time I would feel good and, at another, I would be completely overwhelmed with pain. I wanted this pain to come to an end, but I would never get to the point where I tried to end my life. I would say that this was due to the understanding that I had of myself and the support that was available to me. A Framework Through reading books on early neglect and abuse and taking courses, I was aware of how a lot of the pain that was coming up was from when I was very small. In addition to this, I would have at least one therapist/healer who I could work with. I still experienced a lot of pain but what my understanding of myself and the support gave me was the belief that there was way for me to move forward. If I didn’t have the understandings that I had and I wasn’t aware of anyone who could assist me, it would have been very different. Reaching Out So, if you have just gone through a break up and you are in a bad way, don’t suffer in silence. You can look for answers online or you can go and see your doctor; what matters is that you don’t give up on yourself. I believe that you will find a way through this pain, yet that will only happen if you get the assistance that you need to transform your life. Keep going and don’t give up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that in order for someone to be able to give, they will need to be able to receive. With this in mind, being able to receive is the first part and being able to give is the second part.
Right at the Beginning Another way of understanding this would be for one to go back to what took place during the start of their life. This would have been a time when they were unable to do anything for anyone. Yet, through being given the love, nurturance and support that they needed, amongst other things, they would have gradually been able to give something back. This was then a time when their cup was being filled up, so to speak. It Goes On It doesn’t end there though, as one will need to receive throughout their life or they won’t be able to function. For example, if one didn’t eat anything and they didn’t sleep, they wouldn’t be able to do anything. When one is eating, they are receiving the nutrition’s that they need and, when they are sleeping, their body is recharging. By getting enough to eat and getting the sleep that they need, they will be able to contribute to the world. Another Component What will also be important will be for their emotional needs to be met, or it will be a lot harder for them to be at their best. They will still be able to function, but it would be a very empty existence. This will relate to physical and emotional intimacy; being able to accept physical and emotional support from others. So, being held, expressing their sexual side, and opening up to the right people about how they feel and what they have been going through, for instance. The Norm If one was to think about their life, they may find that it is normal for them to have their needs met. Due to this, they may find that they don’t have trouble giving their time and energy to others, with this allowing them to make a difference. Still, this doesn’t mean that there haven’t been moments in their life when they have felt as though they were running on empty; what it means is that this won’t be something they are accustomed to. Through experiencing life in this way, it will show that they feel comfortable with their own needs. The Key How they behave has then got a lot to do with what is taking place within them and has very little to do with what is taking place externally. If they didn’t feel comfortable with their own needs and as though it was safe for them to fulfil them, their life would be very different. This is not to say that feeling good about themselves and valuing who they are is not important. There is no doubt how important this is, but it is not the most important part of the equation. A Different Reality When one doesn’t experience life in this way, they may find that they are used to giving their time and energy to the world, but that very little comes back to them. This is naturally going to be incredibly frustrating. In addition to this, they could often end up feeling powerless, hopeless and as though they have no control. This could mean that there will be times when one will give up and lose the will to live. Confusion One is going to believe that they need to give to be able to receive, which will make it hard for them to understand why their life is this way. It is not going to be a surprise for them to have this belief, as this outlook is common in today’s world. If they continue to behave in the same way and don’t take a deeper look into what is going on, their life is likely to get even worse. This person might even have high self-esteem, but this won’t have much of an impact on how they are experiencing life. Another Experience Conversely, one could be only too aware of how they can’t let anything into their life, meaning that this won’t be something that causes them to feel confused. What could baffle them is why they are this way. They may find that they only feel comfortable when they are at a distance from life, and that they don’t want anyone or anything getting to close to them. One might then have enough to eat (that’s if being this way doesn’t affect their ability to use the food that they consume) and they may get enough sleep (that’s if they can relax enough to settle down), but they could feel as though they are running on empty when it comes to other areas of their life. What’s going on? Regardless of whether one is aware of the fact that they can’t let anything, it is going to cause them to suffer; there is no doubt about it. What this is likely to show is that keeping life at a distance is what feels safe at a deeper level. Their body then feels comfortable with keeping just about everything at bay but this is going against their need to receive. Clearly, they are experiencing inner conflict and, if this doesn’t change, their life is only going to get worse. Back In Time There may have been a time in their life when they felt overwhelmed, and this could have happened on more than one occasion. This may relate to what has happened in their adult years or it could go back to their younger years. If it does back to their early years, this could show that they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. These experiences would have been too much for them to handle, thereby causing them to associating receiving with something that would end their life. Awareness No matter how long someone has experienced life in this way for, it doesn’t mean that their life has to stay this way. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they can change.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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