A lot has been said about how important it is to be present, with there being a number of benefits to living in the moment. For one thing, being present will allow one to embrace what is taking place in the now and to fully show up.
Through being able to do this, it will be a lot easier for them to truly appreciate each ‘now’ moment of their life. And, as their attention will be in the now, their ability to perform a task well will also improve. More at Peace Embracing the now can also have a positive effect on their health, thanks to the fact that they won’t be going over the stressful things that what took place in the past. So, even if there is a lot of drama going on around them, they won’t add to what is taking place by getting caught up in what happened before. This will increase the likelihood of them making good decisions and behaving in ways that won’t lead to even more disharmony. Naturally, if there isn’t any drama taking place, being this way is still going to enable them to create a more harmonious and fulfilling life. Another Area Being able to fully show up in the now is likely to have a positive effect on their relationships, too. The reason for this is that another person - that’s if they are also present - will be able to feel their presence and this will be very nourishing. What this illustrates is that being in another person’s company is not enough; their presence also needs to be there. When this happens, one’s body will be there and so will their attention, which will be felt by others. Charisma They may find that they have the tendency to influence others or to inspire them in a number of different ways. Once they have finished being in another person’s presence, this person could end up feeling uplifted. One is then not necessarily going to be someone who gets on stage and pumps people up, but they can still have a big influence. Then again, this could be exactly what they do on a regular basis. A Pipe Dream Experiencing life in this way will be the norm for some people, whilst there will be others who have a radically difference experience on this earth. Consequently, there are likely to be a lot of people who are looking for a way to be more present. If someone is in this position, what that they could do is to do a search online. For example, they could end up typing in ‘how to be more present’ and seeing what information appears. One Approach This could be a time when they will come across information that tells them that they need to learn to detach from their thoughts. By no longer getting caught up in them, they will be able to embrace the now. Furthermore, they may be told that they need to make sure that they breathe into their stomach, not their chest. This will allow them to take in more air, and by focusing on their breath, it will get them out of their head and into their body – the part of them that lives in the now. A New Life Applying what they have learnt and making sure that they practice every day will probably allow them to become more present. As the weeks and months go by, their life could radically improve and the people in their life could even feel that there is more of them. At the same time, although one may notice that they have changed; what could also become clear is that they are experiencing a lot of resistance. Not only this, they may see that they are denying how they feel. Another Approach After realising this, one might take a deeper look into why it is such a challenge for them to embrace the now. What may happen is that they will come cross information that tells them that focusing on their mind is not enough; what they also need to do is to look into what is taking place in their body. The view that could be put forward is that what is taking place in their mind is often a reflection of what is taking place deeper down. Changing what is taking place in their body is then going to be a way for their mind to settle down. Calling out One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason why one is finding it hard to embrace the now is because of the split-off parts of themselves that want to be heard. These parts that exist in their body are crying out to be heard and, until these parts are acknowledged, they will continue to call out. The question is: what are these parts and why do they exist? Each part that is within their body can relate to a time when they felt overwhelmed, and their mind would have disconnected from a part of them in order to stop the experience from wiping them out. A Deeper Look There may have been moments in their adult life when they felt overwhelmed and there may have been moments during their early years when they felt the same way. It could go back even further, though, and what they went though in a past life could be playing a part. What took place in the past will then be over, but their body will be carrying the emotional effects of what took place. Thus, unless they get in touch with these parts and integrate them, they will continue to consume ones attention and make it incredibly difficult for them to embrace the now. Awareness Taking this into account, if one finds it hard to embrace the now, they can see this as a sign that part of being is trying to communicate with them. This part of them doesn’t want to be changed or fixed; it just wants to be heard. The masculine energy of doing is not needed here, what is needed is the feminine energy of being. Surrendering to what is taking place and allowing these split-off parts to speak out can be difficult if one is carrying a lot of pain or if they find it hard to connect to their body (feelings). This is why external support can make such a big difference. A therapist or a healer can hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Just because a man looks like a man, it doesn’t mean that he feels likes like a man on the inside. What is going on externally is then going to have very little to do with what is going on internally.
Still, even though his physical appearance will create the impression that he is a man, it doesn’t mean that his behaviour will create the same impression. His behaviour is then going to shed light on what is happening within him. Two Experiences Now, while he may be aware that he feels like a boy, there is also the chance that he isn’t aware. If he is aware of this he may end up looking into what he can do to change how he feels. Through doing this, it will give him to chance to emotionally grow up and to grow into a strong man in the process. On the other hand, if he hasn’t been able to step back and how he feels is just seen as a normal part of him, his life is unlikely to change. An Identity Due to how long he has felt this way for, it is not going to occur to him that he feels like a boy. The emotional experience that he has is then just going to be seen as part of who he is. Even so, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments in his life when he ends up feeling frustrated and angry. Yet, when this does happen, it might not be long until he ends up feeling down and even depressed. A Bleak Existence As a result of how he feels and the view that he has of himself and the world, it may mean that he is used to being walked over by others. This is likely to show that it is a challenge for him to stand his ground. Along with this, he may also lack a sense of direction, not knowing what he wants to do with his life. Therefore, even if he has a job, it doesn’t mean that he will feel as though he is on the right track. Up and Down If his emotions are generally out of balance, this is going to be another area of his life that causes him problems. The emotional part of his being is not going to be on his side, so to speak, it will be working against him. Consequently, there may be a number of things in the external world that he relies on to sooth his emotions. One way he may do this is by masturbating to porn and/or he might take drugs, for instance. A Strong Attraction When it comes to the type of woman that a man like this is drawn to, it is unlikely that this will be a woman who is very feminine. The reason for this is that this man is going to want a woman who possesses what he hasn’t developed. This is not to say that he will be consciously aware of the kind of women that he is attracted to, though, as this could be something that he hasn’t thought about. But even if he is not aware of the type of women that he is drawn to, it may become clear if he was to think about the kind of women he has been with or drawn to over the years. A Closer Look As he lacks a sense of direction, is emotionally unstable and finds it hard to assert himself, the woman he is drawn to can be someone who takes care of this for him. The woman is then going to be strongly attached to her masculine energy, while he will be strongly attached to his feminine energy. From the outside, a woman like this may appear to be a strong woman, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Instead, this could be a woman who has lost touch with her feminine aspect due to the fact that she doesn’t feel safe enough to embrace this side of her being. A False-Self The self that she presents to the world is then a mask that she we wears to keep her inner wounds at bay. How she feels deep down is then going to be mirrored back to her by the type of man that she ends up with. Unconsciously, he will see her as someone who will give him that he didn’t get as a child and in him, she will see the part of herself that she has lost touch with and needs to be rescued, which means that both of them will be emotionally unavailable and unable to be present in the relationship. Both of them will be playing a role, making it more or less impossible for them to deeply connect with each other. The Way Forward In order for a man like this to end up with a woman who is in touch with her feminine aspect, he will need to embrace his masculine aspect. By working through his own inner wounds, he will no longer look toward a women to give him a sense of direction, to sooth his emotions or to sort his challenges out. Once this has taken place, a will be able to attract a woman who has embraced her feminine aspect and feels safe enough to be vulnerable around him. There may be moments when he occasionally sees her as his mother, but a big part of him will know that she isn’t. Awareness If a man is looking for a mother figure it may show that his mother and father were emotionally unavailable during his early years. The love that he needed from his mother and the guidance that he needed from his father wouldn’t have been provided. When it comes to healing the early damage, a man may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was asked to talk about what abuse looks like, they may say that this is what happens when someone is put down, hit, sexually taken advantage of, or emotionally invalidated. When something like this takes place, it will be clear that someone is not being treated in the right way.
At the same time, even though all of these behaviours are expressions of abuse, it wouldn’t be right to say that it will always be clear that this is the case. One reason for this is that if someone has been treated badly for a very long time, they may have become accustomed to being treated in this way. The Norm Thanks to how long they have experienced life in this way for, how they are being treated will no longer register as abuse. And, if they have been treated in this way practically from the moment they were born, it might not have ever occurred to them that they are being abused. If this is indeed what took place, they would have probably come to believe that they were worthless. Being treated badly as an adult is then going to feel comfortable at a deeper level. More Exposure Fortunately, abusive behaviour is being spoken about more in the media, which is making it easier for people like this to realise what is going on. So, no matter what type of abuse someone is experiencing, there is no need for them to put up with it. To become aware of this is first step, while the second step will be for someone to change their life. The help is out there, they simply need to reach out for it and to do what it takes to move forward. Another Type What has been mentioned above relates to the kind of abuse that can be seen by the naked eye, however, there is another kind of abuse that can’t be seen. Or to be more accurate, it can be seen but it takes a different kind of sense to pick it up. This kind of abuse is also something that can be picked up if someone is in tune with their feelings. The kind of abuse that is being spoken about here relates to energy, and how ones energy can be taken from them. A Subtle Process When this takes place, one might not realise what is taking place and if there are people around them, they might not realise it either. Nonetheless, once they are no longer around this person, they could feel as though something is not right. In fact, one could end up feeling completely washed out. If they were to think about what they have been doing, they may find it hard to understand why they feel this way. A One-off The person who ended up taking their energy may have just been having a bad day or perhaps they are going through a tough time. If this is the case, it won’t be normal for them to take other peoples energy in this way. They will be low, so they will be drawing a lot of energy from others in order to try to lift themselves up again. It would be easy to criticise someone like this, yet there are likely to be moments in just about everyone’s life when they fall down and can’t produce their own energy. The Energy Vampire Someone like this is then going to be radically different to someone who is perpetually out of touch with their own life force and thereby, needs other people’s life force. For them, taking energy from others and giving very little in return will be part of who they are. They won’t be able to source energy from within, so the only way they will be able to have enough energy to live is to extract it from others. The people who they come into with are typically going to be sucked dry by them and it can take them a while to rise up again. The Same Position When it comes to the people who one spends their time with, these people can be in a bad way almost all of the time. That is unless, of course, these people are the same as them, which can mean that they won’t be affected in the same way. These people will be dead on the inside, so there won’t be a lot that they can do to each other. As for the people who are not energetically dead, they can be in a very low place after spending so much time around someone like this. Lifeless These people will continually have their energy taken away and one won’t have anything to give them. There would then have been a point when these people were full of life and now they could be like a zombie. The sooner someone like this realises what is going on and reaches out for assistance, the sooner they will be able to come back to life. As to how long it will take for their energy level to go from red to green is hard to say. Awareness It would be easy to say that one can just end up with an ‘energy vampire’, but this would paint them as a victim. If one has the tendency to end up with people like this, it can show that they have bad boundaries, are out of touch with their inherent value, and don’t have a strong sense of self. Through being this way, it will be difficult for them to get a sense of what is going on for another person and the impact that their being is having on them. Also, if one is emotionally numb and out of touch with their body, it is also going to be a challenge for them to know, consciously that is, what is going on for someone else. If one can relate to this and wants to be more discerning when it comes to who they let into their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For a little while now, a lot has been said about the planet and how it is not in a good way. On one side, there is a focus on what is going on with the weather, and on the other, there is a focus on what is happening on the ground.
And although the media has spoken about the weather for a very long time, it appears to be spending more time talking about what is happening to the earth. One of the ways that this is taking place is by looking at all of the plastic that is in the ocean. Its Everywhere Not only can plastic be found all over the earth, it can also be found in the sea and inside the creatures that live there. Seeing something like this is enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. This is then a clear sign of how human beings are not only covering the earth with this stuff; they are also covering the sea with it too. But while human beings can clear this stuff up from the earth, the creatures in the sea can’t do this. An Important Role Thus, it is up to human beings to remove this stuff from the earth and to remove it from the sea. Human beings are the guardians of the earth and need to do what they can to make sure that they don’t destroy it. Yet, due to how much damage has been done with plastic alone, this is not something that will happen overnight. The plastic needs to be cleared up and what would also help is if the old type of plastic was phased out and biodegradable plastic was phased in. Further up As for the weather, it is often said that fossil fuels need to stop being used, and a number of other ways of creating energy are now available. This is seen as the way to protect the ozone layer, amongst other things. This is one reason why electric cars have become so popular, but this doesn’t mean that driving an electric car is the only way to make a difference. Instead of driving somewhere, someone can cycle or even walk there, for instance. A Strange Scenario Over the years, Hollywood actors have also got involved, seemingly trying to do their bit for the planet. However, some people have found it hard to comprehend how some of these people can say one thing and do another. For example, the actor who was in the film Titanic is said to fly to different conferences in his private jet. Along with this, it has been said that he has also flown to events by private jet to pick up awards for the work that he has done for the environment. Do as I say, not as I do If this is actually the case, one would hope that someone like this has a very good reason for this. There is, of course, the chance that someone like this is out of touch with reality and has superiority complex, seeing themselves as being above the common man/woman. What applies to these people is then not something that applies to them, and they are here to ‘educate’ the masses from their ivory tower. Still, if someone is used to having so many people treat them like a god, it’s not going to be a surprise if they end up seeing themselves as one. Take to the Streets So, while using a different type of transport, no longer using cleaning products that are harmful and buying local products can help, there are people who go one step further. When this happens, someone can end up taking part in a demonstration. Doing this once might not be enough, though, and one could end up taking part in these on a regular basis. One could then describe themselves as an ‘activist’, seeing themselves as someone who is making a positive difference and is doing the right thing. Two Parts As to whether or not the planet is the way it is purely because of what human beings have been doing is open to debate, but what is clear is that what they have been doing has caused a lot of damage. Nonetheless, while it would be easy to focus solely on what human beings have been doing, this would overlook the effect that they have energetically been having on the planet. Perhaps the primary reason why this part is overlooked, at least in the mainstream, is that unless something is picked up by the five senses, it is generally seen as something that doesn’t exist. What also undoubtedly plays a part in all this is that so many human beings live in their head, having very little connection to their body. Going Deeper If someone lives in their head and is estranged from their body, their body can be full of emotional pain. But even though they will be out of touch with this pain, it doesn’t mean that this pain won’t have an effect on them or the earth. What this comes down to is that while the brain in their head will see everything as being separate, this is nothing more than an illusion. This part of them will see itself as merely an observer of reality; when in reality, they are connected to everything around them. The Outcome The negative energy that is in their body – the emotional pain – is then not going to be something that they are fully aware of, but it will still have an influence. Ultimately, the earth will pick up on this energy and it will do its best to transmute it. To get an idea about this one only needs to look into the effect that negative energy has on plants and water, for instance. With this in mind, if so many human beings are not dealing with their own inner toxicity and mother earth is being overloaded by it, could this be partly why the earth is not in a good way? Conclusion Taking part in demonstrations and getting all riled up can allow someone to feel powerful and even self-righteous. Through being attached to their ego - the part that allows them to have their own experience on this earth - they can see themselves as being right while certain people can be seen as being wrong. If someone like this was to get in touch with their body, on the other hand, and to work through their inner wounds, it is likely to be a very different experience. They could end up feeling powerless and worthless during this time. Focusing exclusively on what is going on ‘out there’ is then going to be a lot easier than taking the time to look into what is also taking place within them. Another challenge is that the mind will do everything it can do avoid pain and it has the tendency to project what is going on internally onto the external world, which makes it even harder for someone to get into their body and to face themselves. With this in mind, if someone truly cares about the earth, it might be a good idea for them to work through their own inner wounds. It is unlikely that this type of work will result in them receiving a lot of approval from others or any awards; it will probably go unnoticed by most people.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When Errol Campbell and I were doing live videos about a year ago, he said that it wasn’t just about us giving advice. While this was part of it, he also said that we were there to hold the space so that the people on the call could find their own answers.
At the time, I found it hard to get my head around what he said and to understand how this approach would work. This was because a big part of me believed that it was up to me to come up with all the answers. A Heavy Weight He went on to say that needing to have all the answers created a lot of pressure, which was something that I could relate to. I felt that it was down to me to always say the right thing, so that I could solve other people’s problems. After sitting with what he said for a while, it became clear that the reason why I had this outlook was due to what was going on within me. Deep down, I felt incapable and this then defined how I perceived other people who needed assistance. A Reflection Ultimately, without realising it, I was projecting the view I had of myself onto these people. I soon came to the conclusion that the reason why Errol saw people as already being whole and complete was due to the fact that this is how he sees himself. However, this is not to say that I believe that he is simply projecting his view of himself onto these people. Naturally, how he views himself plays a part, but what must also play a part is the fact that he can see that people are not broken. Beyond The Wounds Sure, someone may not be in a good way and may need some kind of assistance, yet that doesn’t mean that this is a reflection of who they truly are. In order to see beyond what is currently going on for someone like this, one will need to have worked through a lot of their own wounds or at the very least, to have the awareness not to project these wounds onto them and to see them as being incapable in the process. Through providing external support or presence to someone like this, it can allow them to see themselves for who they really are and to connect to the guidance that is within them. It may slowly occur to them that even though they are not in a good way, this is not a sign of their true essence. Final Thoughts So, if you are not in a good way right now and a lot is going on within you, this doesn’t mean that you need to be fixed or rescued. And, as you work through the wounds that are within you, this is likely to become clear. Although you have may be used to experiencing life in this way, you will gradually come to see that what is going on for you has about as much to do with who you are as a common cold does.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about the amount of people who are ending their life as well as those who have thought about doing so. As a result of what has been going on, there is a strong chance that some people are ending their life right now and there are others who are thinking about doing so.
And while a lot is being done to put an end to this, it is undoubtedly something that is not going to come to an end anytime soon. Naturally, there are many factors involved in what is going on and there is no magic wand that will put an end to this. Reach Out The obvious thing to say to someone who is thinking about ending their life is that they need to reach out for support. But, if someone is thinking about doing this, they might keep everything to themselves and not reach out. Therefore, no matter who is around them, how often this issue is spoken about in the media or how often help lines are mentioned on TV, for instance, the next step won’t be taken. It is then not the same as someone having a problem with their car and doing something about it shortly after – it is far more complex. A lot Simpler If whenever someone felt the need to end their life, they ended up reaching out for support soon after, it would be very different. Far less people would take their life and this would also mean that there would be less people on this planet who are in a hell of a bad way due to a loved one ending their life. After this has taken place, so many questions can remain unanswered. Why did they do it? Why didn’t they talk to me about what was going on? Was I responsible for what happened? Didn’t they care about me? A Different Scenario When someone ends their life, it will be clear that they no longer wanted to be here and, when someone is thinking about ending their life, it will be clear that they don’t want to be here either. Nonetheless, if someone no longer wants to be here, it doesn’t mean that they will try or even think about ending their life. Instead, they could have committed to a slow suicide; meaning that they will be in no rush to end their life. Said another way, they won’t be running to their death, they will be crawling to it. A Closer Look Someone like this could drive too fast, take part in dangerous sports and/or end up in fights, but it might be far more subtle than this. What could happen is that one might neglect their health by eating bad food and not doing any exercise and/or drink too much alcohol. Conversely, one could have job that they hate and be in a relationship with someone who treats them like dirt. They are then going to be living in a way that undermines them, but it won’t stand out as it will be what is normal. Final Thoughts Taking this into account, although it may seem as though there is a problem because a relatively small part of the population want to end their life, this is really just the tip of the iceberg. One way of looking at it would be to say that these are just the people who have embraced how they really feel, while there are plenty of others who haven’t got to this point, which is why they are crawling to their death. Lastly, if someone is running or simply crawling to their death, my advice would be for them to search deeply within themselves for the part of them that wants to live. After this, they can reach out to a therapist or a healer, or call a help line.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A few days ago, I came across a quote that had been placed on a picture, and this was a quote that had received a lot of positive feedback on a social media site. The ‘law of attraction’ was also mentioned underneath it.
Part of this quote basically said that the past only exists in our head, which made me wonder how anyone could actually believe this. Shortly after this, I started to think about why this viewpoint was so common. Dead from the neck down In today’s world, it is not common for someone to be completely out of touch with their body and to live in their head. Through being out of touch with what is taking place in their body, their attention will primarily be in their head. This part of their being can then be seen as the area where all of their issues are found. They can believe that it’s their negative beliefs and thoughts that are the problem and these will be seen as originating in this part of them. A Natural Consequence Through experiencing life in this way, there is going to be no reason for them to disagree with a quote like the one I mentioned above. Having this outlook is likely to mean that someone like this will try to let of what is taking place in their head in order to move on from the past. This can then be a time when one will use their will power to try to remove the thoughts that arise in their head. Perhaps this will work or it could just cause them to experience a lot of frustration. Going Deeper One way of looking at the head would be say that it is the top of the weed, while the body is the root. In a lot of cases, someone’s head will merely reveal what is taking place for them further down. However, the only way that they will be able to realise what is taking place is if they are able to connect to their body. This part of them has been described as the unconscious mind, for the reason that it is where emotional pain is stored. A New Discovery But, although this part of them can hold so much stuff, if they live in their head they won’t be able to see this. This doesn’t mean that this pain won’t have an effect on them, though, as it will have an impact on who they are drawn to and attract, the thoughts that they have, and how they feel, amongst others things. The emotional pain that is in their body will be the result of what has happened to them as an adult and what took place during their early years. What has been passed down from their ancestors and what they experienced in their past lives can also play a part in what their body is carrying. Final Thoughts So, if someone has lost touch with their body as a way to avoid the pain that is carried there, and they live in a society that is primarily focused on what is taking place on the surface and rarely goes deeper, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to accept that the past only exists in their head. They will be estranged from themselves, knowing more about what is happening in the media than what is happening deep within their own being. Someone’s head is focused on what is going on out there and it also has the need to avoid pain. Looking within is therefore something that goes against its nature and it is likely to be anything but pleasurable, especially if their body is carrying a lot of emotional pain. With that said, if someone wants to get in touch with their body and to become an integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. With this support, they will be able to go where they probably wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They’re In A Relationship?10/4/2019
It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren’t are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.
This is then typically going to be something that is very black and white. However, while it may seem as though this is the case, this outlook would have very little to do with how things actually are. An Illusion In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy on the inside; someone can be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean that they are truly in one. Still, from the outside it may appear as though they are in an intimate relationship. In fact, other people could often wonder what it would be like for them to be in a relationship like this. These people are then going to believe that this person has this area of their life handled, and are going to want to experience the same thing. Both Ways Furthermore, someone like this could also believe that they are in an intimate relationship. So, every part of their being is not going to be involved, but they will still see themselves as someone who is in a relationship. They are then going to share their mind and their body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being won’t be fully on a board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel things, though. Absent Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and heart can spend a lot of time being somewhere else; that is unless their heart has simply retracted. Now, this is not going to be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that one will generally find it hard to be fully present with their partner. If their partner doesn’t have trouble being present, they might be able to sense that one is rarely, if ever, present. They might not be able to understand what is going on, but they will find it hard to deeply connect with them. The Clearest Sign If this is how someone is most of the time, it will be pretty clear that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner shouldn’t need any more information in order to realise that something isn’t right. Nonetheless, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it might take a while for them to become aware of this. And even if this was to take place, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they will have played in being drawn to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner. It’s not random What this comes down to is that they wouldn’t have randomly ended up with this person. This is not to say that they consciously chose to end up with them; it will have most likely been something that took place unconsciously. One way of looking at this would be to say that they were drawn to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is going on and don’t get caught up in their inner wounds. Back To the Main Point If someone is rarely present it will be clear that something is not right, and there can be other things that also reveal that they are not ready have an intimate relationship. Through having a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner on a deeper level. This can then cause the relationship to be very superficial and, thus, to lack the depth that is needed to enable a deeper connection to develop. As a result of this, the relationship might not progress. Avoiding Conflict Once the initial spark has died out and sexual side has settled down, there might not be a lot to hold the relationship together. But if their partner was to talk about how this, one could dismiss what they say. Another thing that they could do is to walk away if something like this is brought up, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further sign that they are only looking to get their feet wet, so to speak. An Obvious One If one was to continually talk about their ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, it is likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their present relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex. It could go even further than this and one might actually still be sharing their body with their ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit. Awareness Obviously, the only way that someone can change their behaviour is they are aware of what is going on and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and they are not willing to do anything about it, it might be in their best interest to walk away. If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a deeper look into what is going on for them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One of the reasons why someone would get into self-development is because they feel powerless. As a result of this, they are going to be looking for a way to change how they feel so that they can change their life.
Part of them, then, is going to realise that they are not powerless, which is why they have reached out for guidance. If every part of their being was on board with this, there would have been no reason for them to have reached out for support. Not the Truth Ergo, while a big part of their being will feel powerless, a small part of them is not going to accept this. But even though it will be a very small part of them, it will have been enough to get them moving. Through looking for answers, what they may be told is that they need to change the thoughts that are running through their head. Furthermore, they may come across information that tells them to focus on the areas of their life where it is clear that they are not powerless. It Comes and Goes The trouble is that while part of them won’t accept that they are powerless, it might not always be possible for them to connect to this part of their being. In general, the feeling of being powerless could consume them. During this time, one is likely to be overwhelmed by how they feel, and this will make it hard for them to experience positive feelings. One will be on the earth, but it could feel as though they have been pushed deep in the earth and are unable to move. A Strong Experience If this is what usually happens when they feel powerless, it will show that this is not something that they can simply think their way out of. Every part of their being will end up being consumed. It won’t matter if their body is healthy and they have no physical problems, as they will feel as though they have no power whatsoever. If one was to describe this experience, they could say that it’s as though their power has been stripped away. Nothing Happens One could then change their thoughts and see that they do actually have power over their life; then again, this might not have much of an impact on them. Intellectually, they will see that this is so, yet the emotional part of their being won’t be able to accept this. Still, one could believe that this will change as long as they continue to change their thoughts and to focus on the fact that they do have control over their life. The weeks, months and even years could pass, but their life might not really change. Inner Conflict If their life was to more or less stay the same and they were unable to truly feel powerful, they might come to the conclusion that they are not working with themselves. By taking a step back, one may see that one part of them wants one thing and another part of them wants another thing. And although feeling powerless will have a negative effect on their wellbeing, they may also come to see that feeling this way feels comfortable. Thus, as much as one part of them will be doing what it can to resist this inner experience, another part of them will be doing what it can to hold onto it. An Inner Battle One is then going to look like one person from the outside, yet they will have two opposing energies within them. The emotional part of their being will have far more power than the mental part of them. Nonetheless, at least one will be aware of what is going on, allowing them to understand that they are not powerless. If this wasn’t the case, it would be normal for them to see themselves as a victim. A Strong Pull The emotional part of their being will be comfortable with feeling powerless, but they won’t be able to see this. How they feel will be seen as the truth as opposed to just a feeling, and this will define how they perceive the world. They may end up spending a lot of time trying to cover this feeling up and they could become controlling as a way to compensate for how they feel. Until they are able to see what is going on, their life is unlikely change. Emotionally Attached If someone finds that a big part of them feels comfortable with feeling powerless, it can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. Thanks to being abused and/or neglected, for instance, this may have been a time when they felt powerless on a regular basis. At the time, this would have felt painful and they would have most likely resisted feeling this way, but as time went by, this would have become familiar. To their unconscious mind, what is familiar is classed as what is safe. A Disempowering Association The years would have passed and one would have gradually lost touch with what took place; nevertheless, feeling powerless will still be what feels safe. At a deeper level, feeling powerless will be seen as part of who they are. Therefore, while feeling this way will make their life a misery, letting go of this feeling will be seen as a threat to their very survival. What this illustrates is how someone can be severely undermined by their own unconscious mind. Awareness If someone doesn’t understand how their unconscious mind works, it can seem as though what is going on ‘out there’ is the problem. In reality, what is going on within them at a deeper level will be the problem. When it comes to changing what is taking place at a deeper level, one may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of weeks ago I was talking to someone who was used to having people talk to them about their problems. It was easy to see why this was as they were a good listener, had a lot of empathy, and there was a gentleness to them.
Due to this, it would have been strange if this person wasn’t used to having people open up to them. Opening up to someone like this is a bit like walking, inasmuch as it is very natural and doesn’t take much effort. A Rare Being If someone has spent a lot of time around people who are not very present, meeting someone like this can have a profound effect on them. It can be as though they are receiving something that they haven’t received for a very, very long time. Nowadays, so many people are consumed by their phone, that it is easy for someone to feel ignored and as though they don’t exist. With this in mind, when someone is present and is able to relate to another person’s emotional experience, it can like be like they have a super power. Together Alone What this illustrates is that being in another person’s presence is not going to have much of an effect if they are not present. If another person is not actually present, someone might feel better in their own company. They won’t be with anyone, but at least they won’t need to entertain the feeling of being ignored. Spending time around someone like this from time will be painful, yet it will be even worse to be in a relationship with someone like this. A Balancing Act However, while being a good listener, having a lot of empathy, and even a gentle presence is something that another person can value, it is also be something that another person can take advantage of. But in order for someone like this to be taken advantage of on a regular basis, they will most likely need to have bad boundaries. The reason for this is that just because someone has the ability to be there for others in this way, it doesn’t mean that they have to neglect themselves. If they were a plumber, for instance, it wouldn’t mean that it would be up to them to be constantly fixing people pipes. Two Parts If someone like this did focus on other people’s problems and neglected themselves in the process, there would be at least two reasons why this is so. Firstly, it would probably show that they feel responsible for others, and secondly, it may also show that they don’t value themselves. The truth is that it is not down to them to solve another person’s problems, and if they act like it is, they can stop them from growing. The other person won’t develop the strength to overcome their own challenges if there is always someone there to pick up the pieces. Self-Love If they feel comfortable taking care of other people’s needs but they don’t feel comfortable taking care of their own needs, it can show that they feel ashamed of their own needs. Their needs are then not going to be seen as part of being human; they will be something that they need to deny. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with their needs. And for them to truly be there for others, it will be vital for them to take care of their own needs; or else they won’t have the energy to truly serve others. Final Thoughts If you can relate to this, and you no longer want to experience life in this way, you may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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