While there are some needs that human beings will need to have fulfilled in order to survive, there are other needs that can go unfulfilled without leading to someone’s death. This is not to say that it won’t have an effect on someone’s wellbeing though.
For example: if one doesn’t receive the air they need, their life will soon come to an end and yet, if one doesn’t receive any kind of human contact, their life won’t come to an end.
But even though they will still be able to survive, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to thrive. And this is because human contact plays a vital role in someone’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
So as this need is so important, it can be hard to comprehend why someone would feel uncomfortable with human contact. One way of looking at it would be to say that it is the result inner conflict.
Their body has the desire to experience human contact and it will then cause them to feel different. And as they feel different, they are also going to end up thinking differently; as well as the numerous health benefits. This shows that every part of who they are is going to benefit through experiencing human contact.
However, on top of the need to experience human contact is going to be the resistance to it. And this resistance can be so strong that one can end up being completely out of touch with their need to experience human contact.
In some cases, this resistance could take over and become like a parasite; causing one to see human contact as a threat and as something to be suspicious of. There is also the chance that one will be aware of their need to experience it and of their fear of it.
This resistance can mean that not only does one avoid getting too close to others, but that they don’t allow other people to get too close to them. They might not engage with other people and when other people try to engage with them, they may take a step back.
So this is not ideal when it comes to having relationships that are fulfilling; as one is not in a position where they feel safe enough to have them. It could mean that one has spent a lot of their life being isolated and alone. Or they may just have relationships that are superficial and without any kind of depth.
It could be that one only feels safe when it comes to experiencing human contact from one gender, but not the other.
Ones behaviour is likely to be reactive and not something they have any control over. And this could cause them to wonder why they behave as they do. Their body is then causing them to act ways that are not in their best interests. Intellectually, one could have no idea why they behave as they do.
Their mind could end up creating all kinds of stories and reasons as to why they fear human contact or why they are not experiencing human contact. If one is out of touch with their fear of human contact and in touch with their need for it, they could end up believing that there is something wrong with them.
Back And Forth
And if the need to experience human contact could be completely removed, then one might always avoid it. But as this need can’t be removed, there is always the chance that one will have the need to experience human contact in one moment and then fear of it in the next.
However, due to having this fear, it can make it harder for one to experience it. One could have a pattern where other people are unavailable or distant. Consciously this will create frustration, but at a deeper level it is what feels comfortable.
What is going on externally and what is going on in one’s mind is likely to define whether they are reaching out or pulling away.
The reason one fears human contact could be due to what happened in their adult years and it could also be the result of what took place during their childhood years. When something happens during ones childhood that is traumatic, it is normal for their mind to have disconnected from what happened. One can then have no idea what happened and yet their body is only too aware of what took place.
This happens in order to ensure ones survival; it doesn’t happen consciously. So if someone says that it’s not because of their childhood, they could be right. And it could also be because they have lost all contact with what happened and have therefore forgotten that they have forgotten.
As a child, one may have experienced some kind of abuse and this could have been: sexual, physical, emotional and/or verbal. Through these experiences, one would have learnt that it wasn’t safe to let other people get close to them.
So all the time this association exists, one is not going to allow other people to get too close to them. How one felt all those years ago may have remained trapped in their body. And as one feels the same, they will continue to experience life in the same way.
In order for one to move beyond this challenge, they might need to release the trapped emotions from their body and to receive the positive regard that they didn’t receive all those years ago. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Some kind of bodywork may also help; through this, one will gradually begin to open themselves up and to realise that it is safe for them to do so. And as one begins to receive, their need to experience human contact may increase.
There are now more ways than ever before for people to be distracted. For example, one no longer needs to sit down and watch TV or to turn the radio on, as they can simply look at their phone and become completely consumed; no matter where they are or what they are doing.
So based on this, there are not only the distractions of the world; there are also the distractions that one can create for themselves. And while being distracted from time to time is part of life, if it becomes a way of life it is going diminish ones quality of life.
Some people believe they are on this planet for a reason and other people believe they have no reason for being here. But it is clear that whether one believes in the former or the latter, it is going to have massive impact on their life.
One might say that they don’t just believe they are here for a reason, they know they are. Whereas someone else can say that they not only believe they are not here for a reason, but that they know they are not.
And as Henry Ford once said - “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” In this case it would be ‘whether you think you have a purpose or not--you’re right’. Ultimately, it is a decision that one must make themselves and from this place, they will be able to create a life of purpose.
This outlook will then define what they experience and how they interpret the experiences that they have. The inner belief that their life has meaning and purpose will be reflected back to them.
When one doesn’t believe their life has any meaning or purpose, this will also be reflected back to them. What this shows is how much of an impact one can have over their own life.
Through having a purpose, it is going to give one something to focus on. And as there are so many things in the world for people to focus on, this is incredibly important. Without a focus, ones time, energy and attention can end up being wasted.
If one does believe they are here for a reason, then these distractions are going to take their attention away from what really matters. Of course, if one doesn’t have this outlook, then it won’t matter what they do.
And the different sources who are trying to gain people’s attention, such as the mainstream media, are probably only too happy for people to believe they have no reason for being here. Not only does this line their pockets, but it also allows them to control people’s minds.
At times, there is going to be the need to engage in some kind of escapism – this is part of life. Without it, one would surely end up feeling overwhelmed and even burnt out. However, when one constantly allows themselves to be consumed by the distractions of the world, it is not going to be much better.
When one has a purpose, they will be able to be distracted, but not for too long. They will be aware of their priorities in life and their point of focus will soon change. So when one has a sense of purpose they are going to be able to handle distractions better, and when they don’t, they are likely to be an easy target.
If someone is unclear about what their purpose is, then it will be possible for other people to give them guidance; this may involve someone asking them certain questions as a way to bring out what is already within them
The word education is derived from the Latin word root educare and this means to draw out. What this shows is that external forms of education should be aimed at bringing out what already lies within.
So even though other people can give guidance, they can’t do a lot more. One must find or create their purpose. And ones purpose is something that can change as they change.; it is not necessarily fixed
Making A Difference
As human beings are interdependent, it means that when one follows their own purpose they are going to make a difference in other people’s lives. And ones contribution might be recognised by a lot of people or it might go unnoticed by the majority of people.
But what matters it that one is playing their part and the reward will be the fulfilment this gives them.
If one is in a position where they are unsure as to what their purpose is, it will be important for them to get in touch with what matters. This may involve writing down what gives them meaning and fulfilment. And what they would do even if they were not getting paid to do it.
The assistance of a coach, therapist or a healer may also allow one to get in touch with what matters and to let go of any blocks that may be getting in the way.
While the opposite sex can do things that will cause one to feel fear and to want to keep their distance, there is also the chance that one will feel this way no matter what they do. It is then not something that depends on how another person behaves; it is something that one experiences as a way of life.
It then becomes more or less impossible for them to relax around the opposite sex and this is naturally going to have an impact on their relationships. One might be in a position where they can be friends with the opposite sex and yet, when it comes to forming a deeper relationship, it could be a real challenge.
So one can have the need to be closer to another man or woman, but all the time they fear being closer to them, this is going to be a problem. This is not to say that that one will therefore be single though; as they could still be in a relationship or have had numerous relationships in their life.
But if one is in a relationship, it could mean that they are used to being controlled by their partner. And while mean are usually portrayed as being the ones who are controlling and abusive for instance, women can behave in the same ways.
So the fear is there, but it is not enough to stop one from forming relationships with the opposite sex. However, just because they are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that they can therefore relax and enjoy being with another person.
On one hand then, one has the need to be with someone and on the other hand, they also fear them. This can then put one in a vulnerable position and they are then wide open to being taken advantage of. Through fearing the other person, it is generally going to stop them from standing up for themselves.
Being assertive and saying yes or no at the right times could then be something that doesn’t take place. And as one is not able to stand their ground, it could mean that they are used to being walked over and having their own needs and wants ignored.
Pleasing the opposite sex and doing what they say may feel comfortable, but it is not going to feel right. They might just do things and act in certain ways and then wonder what is going on.
If they were to do what was right for them, it could cause them to experience a whole range thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations. This inner experience then stops one from being able to think clearly and to do what they need to do in order to move beyond this challenge.
In some people’s eyes it can seem strange that someone would fear the opposite sex. And this outlook is generally going to be a reflection of their life experiences up until this point. Men are women are both human beings; they are not from a different planet. So it can seem abnormal for someone to fear the opposite sex.
If everyone was in the same position, human life would gradually begin to decline. But even though other people can wonder why someone would fear the opposite sex and one can have the same question themselves, there is going to be a reason for it.
However, although one may have no idea why they feel as they do, there is also the chance that they will know exactly why it is. The trouble with the mind is that it can often end up being disconnected from the body.
So if one was to listen to their body, they would gradually begin to understand why they feel as they do. When one experiences something that is painful or traumatising, it can cause them to remove their awareness from their body. They are then only aware of what is going on in their head and oblivious to what is taking place in their body.
This is something that is likely to happen unconsciously and without one realising what is happening. Leaving the mind allows one to avoid pain and so there is a good reason for it - it could have been what has kept them alive.
At some point in this person’s life, there is the chance that they were traumatised by a member of the opposite sex. And this doesn’t have to be extreme, it could be an accumulation of experiences that were fairly minor but left a mark nevertheless.
This trauma may have occurred during ones adult years, or it may have taken place during their childhood. One may have had a mother or father or even a member of their extended family who was abusive in some way. This abuse could have been: verbal, physical, sexual and/or emotional.
If there was a member of the opposite sex around at this time that was different, it may have allowed them to realise that they are not all the same. But if this wasn’t the case, then this can cause one to believe that all members of the opposite sex are the same.
These experiences would have caused one to experience certain feelings and to form certain beliefs about the opposite sex. And while these feelings were traumatic, the ego mind would have come to associate them as familiar and therefore safe.
So even though one will consciously want to move on, there is going to be another part of them that will want to hold on. Feeling safe is that matters to the ego mind and so one will need to let go off these associations.
The emotional experiences of the past may have remained trapped in one’s body and will therefore need to be released. And as one starts to feel different, they will no longer fear the opposite sex; unless there is a reason for it.
These trapped emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a body worker. Through their assistance and positive regard, one will gradually begin to realise that it is possible for them to feel safe around the opposite sex. A new inner model of the opposite sex will gradually begin to form.
To be seen and recognised is something that most human beings want to experience. And while this is part of being human and nothing to feel ashamed of, these needs are going to vary from person to person.
For some people, receiving a moderate amount of attention will be enough to enhance their wellbeing. This shows that their need for attention is not overly high and it is possible for them to fulfil this need.
And then there will be others who can’t get enough attention; it then won’t matter how much they receive from others, as it won’t be enough. It is then like trying to fill a black hole; attention is given and yet it has no lasting effect on how one feels.
So there will be some people who have the need to receive attention from others and yet, this won’t completely consume their life and define how they feel. And then there will be other people whose need for attention takes over their life and how they feel is then defined by whether or not other people give them attention.
And when one allows other people to be in control of how they feel, they are giving away their power. If it was possible for someone to always get the reactions they wanted form others it wouldn’t matter, but this is not possible.
There will be times when one will be able to get the attention they desire and times when they won’t. And what people responded to at one point in time won’t necessarily lead to the same response as time goes by; because while human beings are creatures of habit, they have short attention spans.
So just because one is able to catch another person’s eye and receive the attention they desire, it doesn’t mean that the same approach will work in the future. And this can mean that one has to do something else and to continually look for new ways to engage others.
This can be seen with how often certain singers change their appearance. Through doing this, it allows them to maintain the attention of their fans. And not only can their appearance change, but they can also change their style of music.
They are aware of the fact that once something has become familiar, it no longer stands out. It is then overlooked by the mind it and it starts to look for the next thing that is not familiar.
And all the time someone is doing things to gain attention from other people; they are going to be out of touch with their own wants and needs. There could be the chance that one is in touch with what they want and need and they are able to get attention from others because of it.
But in this case, the attention they receive is secondary and is not something they have pursed directly. However, just because someone’s whole life is defined by their need for attention; it doesn’t mean that they are aware of why they behave in this way.
The need for attention could make one do things that allow them to please other people and they can also do things that have the opposite affect. Here, one doesn’t please other people, but it won’t matter as they still receive attention.
It could also be something that one only looks for when it corms to the opposite sex. It is then not something that has an impact on their whole life.
It can be hard to comprehend why some people not only have a greater need for attention than others, but why they the attention they do receive has very little, if any, effect on them.
Although they are able to receive exactly what they are asking for, it’s as if they can’t completely embrace it. So whether they receive attention or not, their level of development can end up staying the same.
And while one will have physically grown up, it doesn’t mean they have emotionally grown up. Their level of emotional development could have become stuck at a certain point during their childhood. It is then not a surprise that one has a greater need than others for attention; as they simply didn’t get the attention they needed whilst growing up.
It is then not possible for one to grow out of the need to receive excessive amounts of attention from others. If they did receive the attention they needed, it would have allowed them to form a strong sense of self.
Sense Of Self
And through having a sense of self, one is no longer dependent on other people to define their identity or how they feel. But when someone’s needs and wants were not met on a consistent basis during ones childhood years, it can cause them to be dependent on other people for these things as an adult.
So in order for one to no longer need as much attention from others and to build up their own sense of self, it will be important for them to receive what they didn’t receive whist growing up.
This might mean that one needs to receive the positive regard that they didn’t receive whilst growing up. And when they are affirmed and this could be happening for the first time in their life, they might no longer need to receive so much attention from others.
The emotional pain that one experienced through not getting their needs met all those years ago may have stayed trapped in their body. If this is the case, one will need to release the trapped emotions from their body. One can be assisted here by a therapist, healer or some kind of body worker.
While people often believe that the media is there to simply inform them about what is going on in the world, this is not always the case. Instead, there is often a hidden agenda and what the media focuses on is therefore intended to create a certain reaction.
At times, it can be relatively easy to notice when they are doing this and at others, it will happen without one being able to notice what is taking place. This is not to say that everyone is oblivious to what is taking place; as it will all depend on how aware they are, but what it does mean is that some things are more subtle than others.
There are going to be certain beliefs that cause people to accept everything they see, hear or read and these will stop them from able to think critically about what they are being exposed to. One of these beliefs is that everything the media sells is the truth. This is going to mean that one doesn’t question the media; they simply accept everything blindly.
Another belief is that that the media is only there to let people know what is happening. Based on this, it is just a witness to what is taking place in the world; nothing more nothing less.
The media, like everyone on this planet, has an agenda. This is part of being human and therefore doesn’t make one person or a group of people ‘bad’ or ‘evil’. What makes the difference is what someone’s intention is and this means it is possible for someone to have an intention to cause harm or confusion for instance.
And when it comes to the media, the source that people look towards to be educated about what is taking place in the world, people are going to expect to be informed and not misinformed or manipulated.
Taken For A Ride
But to expect the truth form the mainstream media would not only be naive, it would also set one up to be taken advantage of. If what they covered was put to one side and people were allowed to focus on what was behind the stories, they would probably find that there is a plan.
And what people read about in the paper, watch on TV or hear on the radio, is then nothing more than a means to an end. What they cover is then not as important as what it leads to or what they hope it will lead to.
For many years now, people have been conditioned to believe what the media sells them and so, there hasn’t been much opposition. But fortunately, people are gradually realising that the media can’t always be trusted and this has lead to alternative media outlets being created.
However, this is a fairly recent occurrence and there are still plenty of people who are still being manipulated by the media.
And one way to distract people from what is really taking place in the world or in their own country, is to turn people against each other. Through doing this, people are unable to focus on what truly matters or what the real problems are.
If people were not fighting each other, they would have more time and energy to focus on what the real problems are. And when people are fighting each other, it is a lot easier to control them, as the saying goes - ‘divide and conquer’.
Not only that, if more people knew what the real problems were then a lot more could be done. But all the time they are being distracted by the media, they are going to have no idea what the real problems are.
The public’s attention is then placed on what the media presents as the problem, and this means that the real issues are rarely, if ever, looked at. And if people do wake up to what is actually taking place, it won’t be long before they will supply another distraction.
What they present as being the problem will have some truth to it; if it didn’t, people wouldn’t be drawn in by it. The media’s coverage is also likely to be backed up by certain programs that focus on the same problems.
This then causes people to have an emotional reaction and this means that their ability to think clearly can disappear. For some people, this emotional reaction will be moderated by their mind. And as a result of this, they will be able to know if their emotional reactions are appropriate.
But if one doesn’t utilize their ability to think and to question whether their emotional reactions are appropriate, it is going to mean that the media is controlling them. They have then given their power away to the media and are no longer in control of themselves..
And this is why critical thinking is one of the most important skills that someone can have in the modern day world. This is something that one can learn by themselves and as they develop this ability, they will have more control over what they allow or don’t allow into their mind.
When people are asked what they want in life they will often say success. And while this can be the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone has the same meaning of what that actually means.
There are going to be other people who are already successful and they are probably going to say that they want more. But just because someone wants something, it doesn’t mean they will be able to enjoy it when they get it.
If one hasn’t experienced the kind of success they won’t yet, they might not be able to relate to this. But for the people who have, it might be something they have experienced. And one thing that can stop someone from being comfortable with success is guilt.
So while one person could achieve success and be unable to enjoy what they have worked so hard for, another person could stop themselves from achieving success altogether. The primary difference could be that one person experiences guilty and the other person doesn’t allow themselves to even get this far.
On the surface then, these two people could come across as being completely different. And in terms of how much they have achieved, it is clear that they are different. However, guilt is a problem for both of them.
When someone is in a position where their guilt completely sabotages their success, there is the chance they won’t understand why they can’t move forward in life and progress. This could cause them to blame external sources and to feel like a victim.
And when someone is able to achieve success and then starts to feel guilty because if it, they might also have trouble understanding why they feel as they do. In this case, one might end up blaming themselves and wonder what is wrong with them.
Guilt is something that one experiences when they have done something wrong. And what one person classes as wrong is not necessarily going to the case for someone else. It will all depend on what is going on within them and this will be the result of the experiences they have had and the meaning they have given those experiences.
For some people, success will be something they are not only able to achieve; it will be something they are able to enjoy. They won’t feel uncomfortable or question why they are experiencing it; it will simply be embraced for what it is.
But while guilt is the emotion that someone will experience when they are successful, this is just the tip of the iceberg. If one was to go beyond the guilt, they would find that it relates to being accepted by others.
To be successful then means that other people will reject and abandon them. Intellectually one might wonder why they believe this and this could also be backed up by the friends they have who are supportive of their success.
One might look back and see that some people have left their life, but as soon as that did happen, they attracted other people into their life. There is also the chance that one does have people around them who are not supportive of their growth and success.
And in order for one to keep these relationships alive, they have to dumb themselves down. So while it is not possible for them to shine and to be the best version of themselves, it does stop them from being rejected.
The media likes to focus on what is going wrong in the world and on people who are suffering. Rarely does it look into what is going well and towards the people who are doing well. If it does focus on people who are doing well, it is often done in a way that creates division.
And because so many people are suffering or going without in life, the people who are not suffering or going without can end up feeling guilty. They can then come to believe that they don’t deserve to have what they have or to have achieved what they have achieved.
Another important influence is going to be the kind of childhood that one had. To be accepted as a child is a matter of life and death, and so anything that could lead to being rejected would most likely have been avoided.
So if ones caregivers were suffering in one area of their life or their whole life was a struggle, it would have caused them to create certain associations around success. One may have learnt that in order to be accepted by their caregivers, they would have to stay at their level.
To go any higher would have caused them to be rejected and abandoned. This could have been something they actually experienced, or it could have been an outlook that they created in their mind. This would then be classed as familiar and therefore safe by their ego mind.
Time Goes By
Many years will have passed since these early years and yet, these associations will still exist. Intellectually one may have continued to develop, but the same can’t be said about their emotional development.
So as one lets go of these associations, they will be able to feel comfortable with success. These associations can be kept alive when the emotional experiences of one’s past have remained in their body. As these emotions are released, they will be able to integrate what happened and to move on.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to get in touch with their trapped emotions and gradually release them.
It is not uncommon for someone to hear that they should just be themselves around the opposite sex or the same sex, depending on their sexual preference. And while this sounds accurate and exactly what one should be doing, it doesn’t mean that this is what always happens.
There will be some people who are able to live this way and then it won’t matter who they are with; as they will be able to be themselves. And on the other side of the spectrum, there will be people who unable to be themselves when they are in the company of someone they find attractive.
When someone can be themselves their focus is on being and not doing. What they do is then a reflection of where they are at. And when it is not possible for someone to be themselves, they are doing and not being. Their actions are then going to be a reflection of the fact they are unable to just be.
At the gym, one can use a running machine to warm up or to improve their fitness and stay on there for longer. In the beginning they can just walk and as time goes by, they can increase the speed so that it is possible for them to run.
When one is able to be themselves, they are able to just walk around others; this means that energy is used but it will be minimal. And when this is not possible one ends up having to run around others and the amount of energy they use is going to increase.
And this is because they are unsure of their value and therefore need to use so much more energy. Whereas when one does know their value, they are able to relax and to let go. They are not trying to be anyone or to impress another person, they can simply be themselves.
And the actions they take are then a reflection of the fact they value and appreciate themselves. However, if one has a pattern of trying to impress the opposite sex, they might not even realise they do it.
More Is Less
If one was to put more effort in learning a new skill they are likely to improve as time goes by. And yet, when one tries to impress someone through putting in effort, it generally causes the opposite effect.
Rarely does it make the other person desire them and in a lot of cases, it repels them. And even if one is able to attract someone through impressing them, it is going to be for the wrong reasons.
In the back of one’s mind is going to be the realisation that the other person is not with them for who they are, they are with them for what they do. This is similar to what happens when someone buys something and shortly after they feel a sense of remorse.
If one is putting all this effort in and is not attracting any one, it could cause them to feel resentful and like a victim. And as their actions are having no effect on others, they could end up feeling powerless and hopeless.
So while there is looking good and giving to others, this is not the same as looking good to please others or giving to others in order to gain their attention. And when someone doesn’t value themselves, it can cause them to consume more.
This can range from clothes, to surgery and everything in between. Through buying things, one is able to cover up how they really feel - at least for a short time. What it won’t do is allow someone to experience authentic intimacy with others.
It is human nature to want to be close to others and yet, this is often unable to happen when masks are worn. And when one is trying to impress someone, it is clear that they are not being themselves.
A Closer Look
If one feels the need to do things in order for other people to like them, it means that they don’t feel other people will accept them for who they are. They are then forced to do things in order for other people to accept them.
When they are impressing others, they could end up feeling: ignored, abandoned, rejected, alone, isolated, worthless, empty and invisible. And when they are impressing others, they could feel: accepted, important, worthy, whole and connected.
Why Is This?
The reason one looks to others to accept them it because they don’t accept themselves. And the reasons one doesn’t accept themselves could be due to what happened during their childhood years.
And while a man’s value is said to be defined by how his mother treated him and woman’s value is said to be defined by how her father treated her, both parents can play a part. So one could have been brought up by a caregiver that only accepted them for what they did and not for who they were.
If they didn’t do what was expected of them, they ended up being ignored and rejected. This caused them to end up as human doings and not human beings.
This means that as one didn’t receive the acceptance they needed when they were growing up, they are still searching for it as an adult. And when they feel accepted for who they are, they will no longer have the need to always impress others.
The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a body worker will enable one to receive what they didn’t receive all those years ago. It will be important for one to receive the positive regard and the loving touch that they didn’t receive all those years ago.
Having needs is part is part of being human and this means they are nothing to be ashamed or something that one should try to remove. If each and every one of us was inherently independent, then we wouldn’t have needs. But as we are all interdependent, it means that we all have needs.
However, there is a difference between someone who has needs and someone who is needy. One person is able to get them met and then settle down for a while. The second person may get their needs met, but even when they do; it is still not going to be enough.
The person who has needs is similar to a bucket without any holes in; water is put into the bucket and it stays there. This water will soon dry out, but it won’t happen straight away.
When it relates to the person who is needy, it is like a bucked with holes in. So the water goes in and then it comes straight back out again. The water has not been able to leave a mark and soon disappears.
It is then clear how much of a difference there is between people who have needs and embrace them and people who are needy and are possessed by them. No matter what happens, their needs are never fulfilled or if they are, it is not long before they are just as needy.
And to be in this position is going to be frustrating and it is could make one wonder why they are this way. One could be completely caught up in their neediness or they could be aware of what is taking place.
But unless they are able to do something about it, it won’t necessarily matter if they are aware of it or not. Ones whole life could be consumed by their needs or one might try to avoid them.
So whether one is facing them or avoiding them, it is still going to mean that they are being controlled by them. If one is caught up in them, it will mean that they have no self control and if one avoids them, it is going to cause one to suffer nevertheless.
When one sees other people who are not as needy it could cause them to believe that they are inherently different and they have someone that they don’t have. Or one might be curious as to why they feel so different.
So if one believes that other people are different, it could make them feel like a victim and that life is unfair, for instance. And if one is curious about what is really going on, they may be able to find the real reasons for why they are different to some people.
When someone is needy it is going to be a lot harder for them to get their needs met. And this is because of how attached one is to getting them met. What one focuses on is often what they will attract into their life. And this relates to how they feel and not just too how they think.
So when one is needy they are going to manifest a reality that will correspond with how they feel; meaning that one is going to end up in situations where they don’t get their needs met. This can then become a cycle that goes on and on.
What Needs To Happen
In order for one to experience something else, they will need to change how they feel. Because all the time they feel the same way, they continue to manifest the same reality. One approach might be for one to have more of what they want; that way they won’t be as needy.
But this is not dealing with the root cause; it is just covering up how one really feels. One could also try to remove their needs through using some kind of technique.
When one was a child, they were needy and completely dependent on their caregiver/s. Now, if these dependency needs were met, it would have made it possible for one to grow out of them. However, if they were not met, there is the chance that one would have stayed in this state of neediness.
Physically they would have continued to grow and their intellect may also have continued to developed, but this would not have been the case with their emotional development.
One then looks like an adult but they don’t feel like one. And based on how an adult should feel, it is clear that this is not normal. And yet, if one didn’t get their needs met as a child how else are they supposed to feel?
It is then not about changing how one feels through force or trying to fulfil these needs, it is about giving this part of oneself what they didn’t get all those years ago. And once this part of them gets what it needs, they will no longer feel like a needy child.
Touch plays a vital role in a child’s emotional development and being affirmed is also important. When these two things are missing, there is a strong chance that it will create an adult that is emotionally undeveloped.
This is why therapists, healers and body workers can be so important. They can offer the touch and the positive regard that one didn’t get all those years ago. And through receiving these things, one will begin to emotionally grow up.
While money can give someone the power to buy most things in life, it is often said that what it can buy is happiness. It then won’t matter how much money someone has, as the size of their ‘bank account’ won’t make any difference.
And while being happy is something that most people want to experience, it doesn’t mean that it everyone is going to have the same meaning. But it can include the following: having good relationships with others; being healthy; having a supportive family, feeling emotionally whole and living a meaningful life.
Now, if someone doesn’t have relationships with others that fulfilling, it is going to have a negative affect on them. And this could relate to someone who has plenty of money or to someone who has very little.
Their financial situation is not the same and yet they are in the same position. It could then be said that money has no bearing as to whether one has meaningful relationships with others or not.
What one could do is try to buy other peoples friendship and this is not something one could do if they didn’t have much money. Having friends is then made possible through having money. But these are not going to be authentic relationships; as the other people are only around for the money and not for the person.
It is often said that one’s health is the most important thing they have. And this is because one’s body is the vehicle they travel through life in and when this is not running smoothly, other areas of their life are inevitably going to follow suit.
Having health problems is going to inhibit one’s ability to enjoy life. So while some people won’t have money, at least they have their health. Whereas, although one could money, if they are not in good shape physically it might not matter.
While someone can choose their friends, the same can’t be said for their family. And when one has a family that is supportive and loving, it is going to make their life so much easier than if the opposite was the case.
Some people say that their family are the most important people in their life and nothing else matters. It then doesn’t matter if one has money as long as they have their family. Now, just because one does have money, it doesn’t mean that they have a family or that they get on with their family.
When one feels emotionally together it is going to be easier for them to enjoy life. If they don’t feel good on the inside, it might not matter what is going externally or what they attain.
One could travel all over the world and experience everything the planet has to offer, but still feel that something is missing. So just because someone has money, it doesn’t mean that they are going to be able to experience inner peace and contentment.
And this is often seen in the lives of the rich and famous that end up going to a clinic in order to deal with their drug addictions. Money is no object and yet, they are still unable to change how they feel in ways that are healthy.
Without one having a sense of purpose and a reason to live, it is going to be hard for them to get out of bed in the morning. And if they do get out of bed, they are unlikely to feel inspired and full of life.
Anyone can have a sense of purpose, regardless of how much money they have; with this being an inner choice and not something that can be given to them by anyone else. Having money could allow one to try different things and to travel the world for instance, but it doesn’t mean that they will feel that their life has any kind of purpose
So while having money won’t necessarily make someone’s life better per se; what it will do is give them more options in life. And as most things on this planet are attained through the exchange of money, it is clear that having it will have numerous advantages.
Not only will one be able to attain things through having money, they will also be able to invest in themselves. It is then not a case of one either being by themselves or buying friends, as they will be able pay for the coaching, therapy or healing that they need in order for them to realise that they can be liked for who they are.
This is just one example, but what it shows is that having money makes it possible for one to receive what they need to receive in order to grow. It is then not just about buying’ things; it is about one receiving what they need to develop themselves.
There are then two parts: having money is one part and the other part is awareness. As was mentioned above, there are plenty of people who have money and yet are unable to get the help they need to live a fulfilling life.
Experiencing relationships that are unfulfilling or ending up in a clinic for drug addiction are two examples. If along with the money that one has, they were aware of the help that was available to them, it would allow them to experience more happiness in life.
Just because one has money and they are buying what they think will make them happy, it doesn’t mean they will be happy. And this could be because they are looking in the wrong places and to the wrong things.
What might be better is for them to look within and to see what needs their attention within. When this part of them is looked at and understood, it will be a lot easier for one to be happy in life.
So if one uses money to develop their inner world, they are going to increase their chances of experiencing happiness in the outer world.
When someone is free from inner conflict, they are going to be able to experience inner peace. Not only this, but they will also experience a sense of clarity and this is going to make their life a lot easier. One could find that it is relatively easy for them to make decisions and for them to move forward in life.
And this is because they are not at war with themselves and therefore fighting an inner battle; each part of them is working together. Procrastination could be something they rarely have to deal with.
So it is easy to see how productive someone can be through working with themselves, as opposed to against themselves. For example: if one is trying to push a door open and there is someone on the other side who is trying to stop them, it is clearly going to make it harder.
They might be able to open if they are stronger than the other person, but they might just end up feeling exhausted and simply give up. Having inner conflict could cause one to sabotage their whole life or just the parts that they are in conflict with.
The Stronger Part
And if one part is stronger than the other, it could mean that they are able to move forward. Similar to how one could overpower someone who is pushing against a door - one is still able to move forward.
But while there is always a possibility that this will happen, there is also the chance that it won’t. One is going to need to use more energy that they would have done if they were experiencing inner harmony.
For some people, inner conflict could be something they only experience on the odd occasions and for others, it could be a way of life. And this could mean that they are used to putting things off and never being able to get things done.
Their life is then never straight forward and taking action or making a decision could be a real challenge. One might not only feel frustrated, they could also feel hopeless and fed up with how things are.
For some people then, the ideal is going to be to have no inner conflict and to live a life of inner oneness. If someone has no conflict within, they might be expected to achieve more than someone who has conflict within.
And this is because they have nothing to hold them back; there is no one on the other side of the door to stop them from opening it. They are free to walk through the door. So even though there will be resistance in the external world, at least there won’t be any in their internal world.
A Different Outlook
However, there are pros and cons to most things in life and inner conflict is no different. While having inner peace or harmony is seen as the ideal, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will enable one to be any more successful than someone who is experiencing the complete opposite.
On one side there is the chance that inner harmony will mean that it is possible for someone to go after what they want without resistance and it could also cause them to do nothing. And this is because the desire to achieve or to move forward in life is often the result of one having the need to change how they feel.
If they feel at ease within and are not experiencing any kind of inner resistance, it could mean that one is happy with how things are. To be content is something that most people want to experience, but when someone is content, it also can cause them to stagnate.
The desire to achieve is then not there and though feeling at one within, nothing happens. So although someone could believe than inner peace is the key to success, the opposite could be true.
It can all depend on what this conflict relates to and whether one is able to work with their inner conflict. It appears that some people have more conflict than others and there are numerous reasons for this.
It could be due to the conditioning they have received from others and how what they think they want doesn’t reflect what they truly want. One may be carrying emotional baggage from the past and this is could be interfering with their real wants and needs.
There is also the chance that one’s inner nature is in conflict and while they may want to change it, it is something they have to accept and manage. And if it is utilized in the right way, it will give them a strong inner drive to more forward in life.
So the best action to take can all depend on the kind of conflict that one has. They might need to let go of what has been building up within them and a therapist or healer can help with this process.
Questioning what one thinks they want and getting in touch with what they truly want will also help. Or one may need to find a way to satisfy each part of their nature; so that it is possible for them to move forward and to progress.
Oliver JR Cooper
Teacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?