If a woman has been with men who have cheated, she might come to the conclusion that all men are the same. And if a man has been with a number of women who have cheated, he could also come to the same conclusion.
As a result of what they have been through, it would be normal for them to say that men/women are unfaithful. Their views might also end up being backed up by the people they surround themselves with.
They may find someone who appears to be different, but even though this is the case, they might not be able to trust them. What has happened in the past has shaped their expectations, and they might believe that it is only a matter of time before the other person will do what their partners have done in the past.
This may cause them to see things that don’t exist, and their behaviour may push the other person away. When this happens, it is going to show that their past experiences are stopping them from being present.
In order for them to embrace the present moment and to see the other person for who they are, it will be important for them to let go off the past. This could be a sign that one needs to grieve the loss of their past relationships.
The beliefs that they have created through their pervious experiences will also need to be questioned. Through engaging in these two steps, it will be easier for one to live in the moment.
However, even if they are not in a relationship and choose to say single, they might believe that all relationships are the same. It then won’t matter what their friends or family’s relationships are like, as they may assume that at least one of them has cheated, is cheating, or will cheat in the future.
Their outlook may have also been shaped through what their parent’s relationship was like during their formative years, and what they have heard through the media. Unless one questions the outlook they have and realises that not everyone is the same, it is not going to be possible for them to have a different outlook.
Yet, even though there are plenty of people who do cheat, there are many people who don’t. This doesn’t mean that it is black and white though; as there are likely to be people who were unfaithful at one point in time and then changed their ways, and people who were faithful and then ended up going the other way.
There are many reasons why someone would cheat, and when it does happen, it can be a sign that there is a lack of communication taking place in the relationship. It can show that one person’s needs are not being met, and instead of talking about their experience to their partner, they end up finding someone else to fulfil their needs.
In The Past
When it came to cheating in the past, it would have been necessary for one to go out into the world, and to find someone. This may have meant they found someone at work, while they were out one night, or through a friend, for instance.
However, in today’s world, it is no longer necessary for one to go out into the ‘real world’, and it is easier for them to cover their tracks. This is because of the internet, and how social media has made it easier for someone to cheat.
When someone is behind a screen, it is a lot easier for them to express themselves, and this is because there is a lot less pressure. If, on the other hand, they were in front of someone, it is going to have an impact on their ability to open up.
As a result of this, one can end up saying things that they wouldn’t usually say, and this is going to lead to different consequences. What they may have kept to themselves in the past, can end up being expressed to someone they know on social media.
The option is there for them to talk to people without making much effort, and this means that they can put their relational problems to one side and experience instant pleasure. There is no need for them to experience frustration and to take responsibility for how they feel; they only need to find a ‘friend’ to take their pain away.
Now, it could be said that if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat, and that social media can’t be blamed. And while it would be wrong to say that social media makes people cheat, it would also be wrong to say that social media is not playing a part.
Easy To Access
For example, if one was working and they weren’t thinking about eating, this might change if someone started eating nearby. To say that the others person’s food made them hungry would be inaccurate, but it would also be inaccurate to say that the other person’s food had no effect on them.
Social media has given people options that were not available before, and even though people are responsible for their actions, they are still being influenced by their environment. Through using social media, it is so easy for one to find someone, and this is because they don’t need to go into the ‘real world’ and there is far-less risk involved.
The First Step
It could then be said that on one side, one’s chances of finding someone have increased, and on the other, their chances of being caught have decreased. While they might not have thought about cheating before, this could soon change after they have made contact with someone on social media.
This is not to say that one will do this directly, as it could start off with them making a comment or ‘liking’ a picture. And then as time passes and each interaction builds on each other, it could soon lead to an affair or a ‘hook up’.
Out of Sight, Out Of Mind
Through using one of these sites, one may come across someone they were with when they were younger, and they might not have seen them for years. How they felt in the past can then come rushing back, and it may be hard for them to think about whether they are doing the right thing or not.
In this case, if it wasn’t for social media they wouldn’t have come across an ex or a long lost love, and it could then be said that they wouldn’t have cheated. It could also be said that if one was happy in their current relationship, they wouldn’t end up being drawn to someone from their past.
Whether someone cheats through using social media or by finding someone in the ‘real world, they have still been unfaithful. If one was to blame social media for their actions, other people may tell them to take responsibility for their behaviour.
So if one is unable to stay faithful and wants to change their behaviour, they may need to cut down on the amount of time they spend on social media, and to use it for different reasons. It might also be necessary for them to look at what is taking place within them; as they may have emotional work to do.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
While celebrities have always existed in some shape or form, it has never been as easy as it is today for someone to be famous. There is no need for someone to have achieved something significant; the only thing they need is an online presence.
This is something that one can develop in a matter of weeks or even hours; it is no longer necessary for one to wait for a prolonged period of time. For example, if someone creates something that ends up going ‘viral’, it can end up being seen by millions of people in a matter minutes.
A Star Is Born
When this happens, one can go from being a relative unknown to someone who is known by people from all over the world. And while this may relate to a video that they have made that demonstrates a certain talent or skill, this might not be the case.
It could just be a video that makes other people laugh, or they might be sharing their life with others. This is not to say that comedy has no value or someone’s life has no importance; what it comes down to is how times have changed.
Even though one generation values something, it doesn’t mean next generation will have the same outlook. This is why it is to be expected that there will be a difference when it comes to who each generation elevates.
Although there will still be some people who have values that match up with the values people had in the past, it is not always possible for someone to realise this. And this is because their attention might be consumed by what is taking place in the mainstream.
When it comes down to what people believe about the world, or about the people who inhabit the planet, there is strong chance that they developed these views through being exposed to the mainstream media. One reason for this is that it takes effort to think, and how one doesn’t need to think if they let others do it for them.
So on one side, this will allow one to save energy, but on the other, it will set them up to be manipulated. This is not the say that everything the media presents is false, but at the same time, it would be dangerous to believe everything.
In the past, the mainstream media and the other establishments would have had most of the power when it came to who would be famous. But the internet has changed this, and this have given people far more control than ever before when it comes to whether they will be famous or not.
It has been said that everyone wants to be famous, and in today’s world, this is something that one can make a reality. And while they will need other people to elevate them into a certain position, they won’t need other people to give them any kind of financial backing in order to ‘make it big’.
If one does have the need to be famous, they will no longer have to suppress this need. They can embrace how they feel, and do what they need to do in order to fulfil this need.
The first thing they can do is to look at what other people are doing, and then come up with the same thing or something similar. From here, they can set up an account on a social media site.
Once they begin to look into what other people are doing, they might start to get an idea of what they need to do to be famous. However, this might also make them think about how saturated the internet has become with people who are ‘famous’.
During this time, they may begin to see how anyone can be famous, and that it doesn’t matter what they look like, how talented they are, or whether they are adding value to the world. So even though they may feel inspired by what they see, it might also cause them to feel overwhelmed.
If everyone drove around in an expensive car, the car would no longer stand out, and this is because it wouldn’t be exclusive. These cars wouldn’t have the same value, and they would just be seen as another car on the road.
When a small amount of people are famous, it will be normal for them to stand out, and this is because there are far more people who are not famous. Yet, if fame is no longer limited to a select few, it will start to lose its meaning.
And just as the quality of something can go down when it is massed produced, the same can apply when there is an increase in the amount of people who are famous. If one was famous in the past, there was the chance that they had achieved something significant, but there is less chance of this being the case today.
In many ways, being famous can be seen as something that one experiences because they are alive at this time. Through living in this age, one might have come to believe that they deserve to be famous.
There is then no need for them to make a contribution to the world, and this is because they are entitled to be famous. This shows how people’s values have changed, and while it would be easy to blame social media, there are other factors involved.
What this could also show is that there is lack of guidance in today’s world, and this is why fame is seen as the ‘answer’ to one’s problems. Even though we are more ‘connected’ than we have ever been, it could also be said that we are more disconnected than we have ever been.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
No matter where someone is from on this planet, there is a strong chance that they will have a few sayings. They may have picked these up from the people around them and/or they may have learned them through reading books.
One may find that they use these sayings throughout their day, or they might not use them as often as that. However, when they do use them, they are likely to feel better about what is happening in their life.
There is also the chance that one won’t use a saying to feel better, and that they will use it to be right. In this case, it won’t matter how they feel after saying what they have said; what matters is that it will give them a sense of control.
If something keeps happening in their life and this causes them to feel as though they have no control, the saying will allow them to experience control. This is because being right will help them to alleviate how they feel about what is happening.
Therefore, sayings can provide someone with the validation they need to keep going in life. During those moments where their life is not going to plan, they will be able to rise above what is happening.
Whether the saying is logical or if it matches up with reality will be irrelevant, and this could come down to the fact that one just needs something to keep them going. Similar to how one may be hungry and instead of eating something that is healthy, they may end up eating anything.
Their priority will be to have something that will take away their cravings, and they won’t think about anything else. And through saying something to themselves, it may give them the inspiration they need to move forward, and to go after their dreams.
There is then no need for them to read a page in a book or a whole book; they only need to hear a few words. And in todays fast past world, this is often the only thing people have time for.
The Down Side
If one is in a rush to do something, there is always the chance they will end up overlooking something. This is because they won’t have the time to go through everything, and this can set them up to experience problems.
One then doesn’t take the time to look into something and to think about whether it is as it should be. When this relates to sayings, one can end up saying things without taking the time to really think about what they are saying.
What they say has then become a habit, and it won’t matter whether it is having a positive influence on their life. This shows that not only is it possible for someone to behave in ways that are reactive; they can also say things that are reactive.
Now, if the words ones used had no effect on their life or on the people around them, it wouldn’t matter what they said to themselves or others. Yet, as one’s words are powerful, it will be important for them to think about what they are saying.
What can also make a difference here is if the sayings that one uses are validated by the people they spend time with, or if they are supported by the society they live in. And as a result of this external support, one may come to the conclusion that what they are saying is right.
However, even if one is surrounded by people who have the same outlook, it doesn’t mean that what they are saying is true. For instance, just because something is seen as conventional wisdom, it doesn’t mean that it is accurate.
Everything Happens For a Reason
One saying that is often heard in today’s world is: ‘everything happens for a reason’. This is a saying that one may use when a relationship comes to an end or it could be said when they miss out on something.
As a result of what happens, certain thoughts and feelings are going to arise, and one will be able to reassure themselves through using this saying. In this case, it could be said that this saying allows someone to regulate what is taking place within them.
Through time, one may end up having an experience that causes them to see how a relationship needed to end or how an opportunity needed to pass them by in order for them to be where they are today. However, just as there will be moments like this, there could also be moments where life ends up getting worse.
When this happens, one may end up questioning whether this saying is true, or they might end up going the other way. In this instance, one might use it even more and it could have an even bigger influence on their life.
The mind is often described as the story maker, and this is partly because it can create all kinds of ideas. When one experiences pain, the mind can end up creating a story, and this can stop them from having to face how they feel.
It won’t matter whether the minds ideas have anything to do with what is taking place, and this is because one will just want to feel better. The mind is then being used to suppress what is taking place in their body.
If one was look back on their life and to think about a time where something went wrong, they might see that they were soon back on track. Based on this, it would be easy to say that what happened in the past happened for a reason, and this is then backed up by the fact that their life soon changed.
However, one may also look back on times in their life where they had painful experiences and see that their life didn’t get any better. In this case, what happened was painful and that’s something they have had to accept.
While it is normal for human beings to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, it can set them up to suffer. The reason for is that it is not always in one’s best interests to avoid pain.
There will be times when it will be important for them to avoid pain, and there will be times when they will need to face it. If one was to always avoid pain, they would end up disconnecting from reality, and the pain within them may lead to further problems down the line.
A Spiritual Perspective
It is often said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and in this case, the human experience is an illusion. However, no matter what happened before we were here or what will happen after we are gone, while we are here, we are governed by certain laws.
One of those laws is that pain is part if life, and while one can try to avoid pain through using certain sayings, that doesn’t mean that it will simply disappear. This doesn’t mean that one needs to allow bad things to define their life or that they should lose hope, but at the same time, it doesn’t mean that they need to deny the fact that bad things do happen.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
While there are some people who are able to receive, there are others who are unable to do so. What this means is that although someone needs something, it is not possible for them to have it.
There are then going to be others who experience life differently, and it will be possible for them to receive. This doesn’t mean that some people have everything they want and others don’t; as it is not this black and white.
It is more a case of one person being open and connected to life, and the other person being closed and disconnected from life. Therefore, each person’s experience on this planet is going to be radically different.
When one is open to life, they will have moments where they are able to have their needs met. And because they are able to have their needs met, it will make it easier for them to handle the moments where their needs are not met.
One is not going to feel as though they are on the sidelines watching other people enjoy life, and they are unlikely to have a victim mentality. It is also going to be easier for them to give to others, and this is due to the fact that they are not running on empty.
It will be normal for them to experience balance, and this may be how they have always experienced life. However, if one was unable to receive, they are going to be running on empty.
They may also have times in their life where they have what they need and this could then be followed up by a long period of time where they end up going without. It is then going to be a challenge for them to experience balance, and their life is not going to be very fulfilling.
One is going to be closed off from life and they are likely to feel as though they are on the sidelines looking in. It is going to be normal for them to feel as though they are running on empty, and to feel as though they are being overlooked.
They could end up feeling frustrated and powerless, and they could believe that they are victims. If someone was to look at how each person experiences life, they might come to the conclusion that one person is lucky and the other is unlucky.
It could be said that one person has something that other person doesn’t or that one person is more intelligent than the other. Another thing they could say is that one person has a belief system that is empowering and the other person doesn’t.
Either way, it is clear that something is different, and while it would be easy to focus on what is taking place externally, it would be a mistake to ignore what is taking place internally. Through looking at what is taking place internally, there is a strong chance of one finding out why each person is having a different experience.
One approach would be to look at what is taking place in one’s mind, and to see what one believes and what their thoughts are. Yet, if one is unable to receive, they may need to place their attention on what is taking place their body.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that it is not just what is taking place in one’s conscious mind that is having an impact on their life; it is also what is going on in their unconscious mind. For instance, if one has a painful emotional experience and they are unable to process how they feel, their feelings can end up being trapped in their body.
As time passes, one can end up being disconnected from these feelings, and although they can appear to have disappeared, they will be influencing one’s reality. However, if one is unaware of what is taking place, they can end up blaming external forces.
And all the time these feelings are trapped in one’s body, they are not going to be able to experience life differently. What is taking place in one’s body is stopping them from being able to receive.
One may find that it is a challenge for them to have their basic needs met, and it could be a challenge for them to keep their head above water. And along with this, one may find that they rarely, if ever, experience love from others.
They could believe that the world is a cold place and wonder if they will ever experience human warmth. And if they do experience it, it might disappear as soon as it has appears, and one might also find that it is not possible for them to accept it.
If one is able to receive love, it might be hard for them to understand why someone would reject it. However, when one rejects love, it could be because they see it as a threat.
This is not to say that one consciously see it as a threat; as it is likely to be something that occurs at a deeper level. There is likely to have been a time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to let love in (to receive), and while time has passed, they are still responding to life in the same way.
How they experience life is going to cause them to suffer and to live a cold existence, but it is what is familiar, and what is familiar is what is safe to the ego mind. And not only will their body stop them from being able to receive love, their heart is also going to be closed.
The Original Wound
When one experience life in this way, it is likely to show that their younger years were less-than nurturing. During these early years, one may have been brought up by caregivers who violated their boundaries and neglected them.
As a result of this, one would have learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to let other people get close to them, and these early experiences would have been incredibly traumatic. At a deeper level, it is not that they are rejecting love; it is that they are stopping themselves from being wounded again.
Until one processes what is within them and receives the right care, it is going to be a challenge for them to let love in. But as they are able to let go and to be affirmed by others, they will gradually be able to see that it is safe for them to open up.
This will be a time where one will be grieving their unmet childhood needs and healing trauma. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group will be vital.
Oliver JR Cooper
While there are some people who are able to express every emotion on the spectrum, there are others who are stuck on one end of the spectrum. When this happens, it is not going to be possible for someone to be a whole human being.
This may mean that one is always ‘positive’, and that they are unable to experience emotions that would cause them to be ‘negative’. Or they might be in a position where they always feel down, and it is then not going to be possible for them to feel good.
It could be said that feeling good all the time is not a problem, and that feeling bad all the time is. Yet, while this might sound like an accurate assessment, it is going to be a sign that one is out of balance.
For example, it is through having the ability to feel ‘bad’ that one s able to appreciate feeling ‘good’. It is through being able to feel bad that one is able to realise that something isn’t right.
Ultimately, one’s feelings are there to give them feedback and guidance, and this means that they all have a purpose. However, when one is unable to embrace their feelings, it is going to set them up to experience problems.
One is then going to see themselves as someone who is always a certain way, and the people around them could have the same outlook. This is going to show that one is not in touch with their true self, and that they are caught up in their false self.
But if one has played this role for a long time, they might not realise that it doesn’t reflect their true nature. It is then who they are, and there is no reason for them to change.
If one is always easy-going, they might not be seen as though they have a problem. Other people could see them as someone who is easy to be around, and find that they don’t experience any conflict or ‘drama’ around them.
In the eyes of others, this could be who they are, and they might not even think about how this might be a role that they are playing. Yet, this could be a sign that one is cut off from one side of their emotional spectrum, or if they are not cut off, it may mean that they don’t feel comfortable expressing how they feel.
Alternatively, if one was always hostile, other people are generally going to see that they have a problem. When people are around them, they are going find it hard to relax, and they might start to feel angry.
There may be some people who realise that this is not who they are, but at the same time, there are going to be people who are unable to realise this. What this is going to show is that it is not possible for them to move beyond their anger.
One is then no longer someone who is angry from time to time; they are always angry. But even if someone doesn’t come across as hostile, it doesn’t mean that their anger is under control.
They could alternate between being calm and collected, and then have moments where they are completely out of control. One is then like a ticking time bomb who will explode at any given moment.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are unable to manage their anger, and that they need to learn how to stay calm. When one gets angry, it can be a sign that they are being violated and/or compromised.
Their anger is there to let them know that something isn’t right and that they need to take action. Yet, just because one feels angry, it doesn’t mean that they are being violated and/or compromised; what it could mean is that they are holding onto the past.
Although what took place is over, one is still responding in the same way, and this is why they are unable to be present. The present moment is being filtered through what took place in the past.
While there may be moments where they are able to experience others emotions, they are generally going to experience anger. On one side, one could learn how to manage their anger, and on the other, they could look into why they feel so angry.
Through experiencing anger, one will be able to experience a sense of control, but if they drop their anger, they will lose their sense of control. This is because they will have to face how they feel at a deeper level.
Once they get in touch with how they feel, they may end up feeling powerless, and this is going to relate to a situation in their life where they experienced some kind of loss. This could be something they have experienced on a number of occasions.
A Normal Reaction
And as they experienced loss, it would have been normal for them to experience anger. This may relate to what took place during their childhood years or it may come down to what has taken place during their adult years.
If they were able to move beyond their anger and to face the rest of their feelings, they wouldn’t have needed to stay angry. But as it wasn’t possible for them to face the rest of their feelings, they have ended up being emotionally stuck.
In order for one to let go of their anger, they will need to grieve their losses, and as this takes place, one will open themselves up to a wider range of emotions. If one is unable to cry out the pain by themselves, it will be important for them to seek the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
Oliver JR Cooper
While there are some people on this planet who believe that they above others, there are also people who believe that they are below others. And this can be something that one is aware of or it could be an outlook that is outside of their awareness.
However, regardless of whether one is aware of it or not, it is going to have a big impact on their life. Yet, if one is aware of how they feel about themselves, they might do everything they can do change how they feel.
Up and Down
It would be easy to say that some people feel inferior and some people feel superior, but it is not this black and white. When someone feels as though other people are above them, it doesn’t mean they always feel this way.
There is a strong chance that they will have moments in their life when they rise up and end up feeling as though they are above others. The difference between how they experience life and how someone experiences life who feels as though they are superior is that they look up to others more than they look down on them.
When someone looks down on others they are going to be used to being up, but when someone looks up to others they are going to be used to being down. Therefore, each person is going to be able to relate to the other persons experience.
During those moments when they are able to rise up, they might start to feel good about themselves. But these kinds of experiences are not going to happen very often, and this is going to mean that there is not much chance of them being seen as arrogant.
Based on how they feel about themselves, it is going to be normal for them to put other people on a pedestal. No matter what they can do or what they bring to the world, other people will be seen as having something they don’t.
And while there will be certain things that other people have that they don’t, this is not going to apply to everything. However, as a result of what is taking place within them, it is not going to be possible for them to realise this.
This could mean that they are unable to move forward and to go after what they want in life, but it could also lead to another outcome. As a result of how they feel, it could cause them to work harder than others, and this is going to be a way for them to compensate for how they feel about themselves.
From the outside, they may come across as though they are full of belief, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. Once they have achieved something they might be able to feel good, but this is going to be an experience that is short-lived.
A Black Hole
Once the feeling has worn off, they are likely to end up feeling completely worthless once more. And as a way to keep their feelings at bay, they might end up trying to achieve something else.
But no matter what they achieve or what they do to improve themselves, it is not going to make a difference. When something bad happens to them it will go straight in, but when it relates to something positive, nothing happens.
This is naturally going to have a negative effect on their confidence, and one may come across as shy or withdrawn. One may believe that other people can see how inferior they are, and this may cause them to isolate themselves from others.
There is also a strong chance they will have anxiety problems, and this is partly going to come down to their fear of being of being exposed. They are going to believe that if other people found out how worthless they are, they would abandon them.
While getting things wrong and making mistakes is part of life, it is going to be a challenge for them to see this. Based on how they feel about themselves, they are not going to want to let others see that they are imperfect.
This is going to cause them to feel extreme pressure, and they are likely to be their own worst enemy. It might not matter how much other people criticise them; as their inner citric might be even worse.
However, all the time they feel the way they do; they are not going to be able to show compassion towards themselves, and they won’t expect it from others either. In their mind, they are not good enough, and they are not going to feel as though they fit in or that they belong on this planet.
When someone experiences life in this way, they are likely to end up feeling hopeless, and based on how they are experiencing life, this is a normal reaction. Yet, even though one feels as though they are below others, this is not the truth.
What this shows is that one is disconnected from their inherent worth, and this is likely to be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. And all the time one is carrying this within them, it is not going to be possible for them to feel human.
They will have to experience life from a position of being less-than others or they will have to be more-than others; there is no middle ground. Their true self will have been covered up by their false self.
This could be a sign that one was abused and/or neglected during their childhood years, or it may relate to how they have been treated throughout their adult years. One’s needs wouldn’t have been met, and they would have come to believe that there is something inherently wrong with them.
In order for one to experience life from this middle ground and to longer look up or down to others, they will need to let go of the emotional build-up that is within them. It will also be important for them to be affirmed for who they are.
As this takes place, it will be possible for one to get back in touch with their inherent worth, and to realise there is nothing wrong with them. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
One may need to grieve their unmet childhood needs and to face the toxic shame within them until the charge begins to discharge.
Oliver JR Cooper
If one was to watch a stream, they would see that it goes in one direction, and this will take place without too much force being utilized. This is because the water is going in the same direction and there is little, if any, resistance.
However, this wouldn’t be possible if each drop of water decided to go against each other. Another factor that may stop this flow is if there was something that was stopping the water from moving forward.
While each drop of water could try to work against each other, there is not much chance of this taking place. And if there was something stopping the water from passing, the sheer force of the water may soon remove the obstacle.
Each drop of water is working with the other drops, and this is an important part of the momentum that has been created. The weather and the direction of the stream will also play a part.
If one was to sit back and to observe what is taking place, they might begin to think about how effortless this whole process is. There is no need for the water to struggle and strain, and each drop is working together.
And while one is looking at a stream, they may start to think about what it would be like for their own life to be the same. Or they could already be in a position where their own life matches up with what they see.
Through experiencing life in this way, one is likely to feel as though they are in the flow, and that they are on the right track. However, even though each drop of water is going in the same direction, it doesn’t mean that one is always going to be going in the same direction as everyone else.
This is because although they are connected to each other, each human being has their own purpose to fulfil. If one wasn’t on this planet to fulfil their own purpose and they were here to do what other people wanted them to do, it wouldn’t matter.
When rain drops fall down from the sky they are individual drops, but this is no longer the case when they come together. They are no longer separate drops, and they have become something else.
Human brings on the other hand, can work together without losing their sense of self in process. Their purpose on this planet involves other people, but it is still an expression of their own needs that they need to fulfil; it could also be sad that each person’s purpose is part of a bigger purpose.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that human beings are more complex, and this is why they can’t just lose themselves in others. If they were to do this, they would not be fulfilling their purpose.
Whereas, if a drop of water was to merge with another drop, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that each drop is putting their own purpose to one side. A purpose still exists, but it is not the kind of purpose that a human being has on this planet.
There are going to be some people who ‘go with the flow’ and their life could be an example of what happens when someone is out of touch with themselves. In this case, one might not be aware of what they need to pay attention to on the inside and the outside, and this could set them up to be passive and reactive.
One could then be in a position where they have no sense of direction and it is going to be normal for them to follow others. And if they don’t follow others, they might keep putting things off until the ‘right’ moment appears for them to take the next step, and until something ‘just happens’.
This is not to say that they won’t achieve things or be in the ‘right place at the right time’, but what it may mean they are out of balance. They may expect things to just happen, and be unwilling to put then in the work that is necessary.
On the other side of the spectrum will be people who are unable to let go and to ‘go with the flow’. In this case, it is not going to be possible for one to take a step back and to wait until the right moment appears.
They are going to have a clear sense of direction, and they will know what they want. It is not going to matter what is happening externally or internally, as one will want to just keep moving forward.
This person may achieve a lot and be seen as a ‘go getter’ but they might also end up feeling exhausted. In this case, they are not working with the flow; they are trying to do everything by themselves.
Pros and Cons
It is clear to see that each approach has its pros and cons, and how being in the flow doesn’t mean that one should do nothing or that they should always be doing something. There will be times when one will need to go against the stream, and then there will be times when they won’t.
And there will be moments in their life when it will be important for them to sit back, and moments where they need to push forward. Doing what others are doing is not bad per se, but if one is always looking towards others it is going to cause them problems down the line.
Oliver JR Cooper
There are going to be times in someone’s life where they are right and there are going to be times when they are wrong. If human beings were all-knowing, then this wouldn’t be something that would occur.
However, as it is not possible for someone to know everything there is to know, there are going to be times when they are wrong. This is not something for one to be ashamed of; it is simply part of life.
Yet, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one is able to accept this fact. And as a result of this, it can cause someone to come across as though they are always right.
Men and Women
It is often said that women are always right and that men are always wrong, and vice versa. What this shows is that this doesn’t just relate to one gender, and that both genders can have the same outlook.
One may have a boss who acts in this way, a member of their family, or they could be in a relationship with someone like this. Therefore, it doesn’t matter whether someone is male or female, or what role they play in society.
When someone does come across in this way, it is going to show that they are disconnected from themselves. They are no longer in touch with the fact that they are a fallible human being, and that it is not possible for them to be perfect.
But even though one is out of touch with their true nature, it doesn’t mean they realise this. They could be completely convinced that they are ‘always right, and it is then not just an outlook they have - it is the truth of who they are.
Through having this outlook, it is going to be normal for someone to believe that they are superior to others. Unlike other human beings who have moments where they get things wrong; this is not something they are familiar with.
However, even though they have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that other people are always going to agree with them. While there are likely to be people who do look up to them, there are going to be others who see them as deluded.
And in order for them to maintain the identity that they have formed, it will be important for them to overlook the times where they are wrong. They may have developed the ability to know how to win when it comes to arguments.
Facing reality is not going to a priority; what will be a priority is using denial to protect themselves from having to face reality. How they are seen in the eyes of others will take precedence over their need to grow.
Even if someone is classed as being intelligent, they are still going to be learning new things every day. This is because change is part of life, and new information is constantly being created.
When one believes they are always right, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace that fact that learning is a lifelong pursuit. And as a result of this, they are going to stop themselves from growing.
Out of Balance
One’s need to be right will have created an impenetrable field around them, and this is going to stop them from being able to receive. And while this is going to cause them to suffer in one way or another, it will be important for them to stop others from realising this.
Creativity and Curiosity
It may also be challenge for them to be creative, and this is because they are stuck on the inside. All the time nothing is changing internally, it is not going to be possible for them to create anything new.
The desire to learn something is result of one being curious, and if someone believes they know everything, it is going to stop them from being curious. Similar to how if one has just eaten a meal, they are not going to be hungry
However, even though there will be some people who have this outlook and don’t take the time to learn, there will be others who will be obsessed with learning. They might end up being focused on one area, or they might find out as much as they can about everything.
Through knowing so much, it will give them the knowledge they need to act as though they are always right and that they know everything. But as they can only learn so much and they don’t have god-like powers, this is approach is not going to work.
When someone believes that they are always right or that they know everything, it shows that it is not possible for them to be wrong or to admit that they don’t know everything. They are going to experience life differently to someone who believes they are always wrong and that they don’t know anything.
But although each experience is different on the outside, there a strong chance that their inner experience is the same. While one person has ended up being overwhelmed by how they feel, the other person has gone to the other extreme.
As a way to avoid how they feel about themselves, they have created a false self. This has caused them to disconnect from the fact they are simply human, and it has caused them to believe that they are more-than human.
If they were to come back down to earth and to face up to the fact that it is not possible for them to always be right or to know everything, they are going to have to face how they feel. This is likely to be a time where they end up feeling as though they are less-than human, and this is going to mean that they are carrying toxic shame.
Being wrong or not knowing everything is going to be seen as something that will cause other people to see how flawed they are and to abandon them. Toxic shame will have infiltrated their whole being, and this will have caused them to be disconnected from their inherent worth.
And this will mean that if they are unable to come across as though they are above others, they will have to come across as though they are below them. What this shows is how painful toxic shame is, and how one will do everything they can to avoid it.
Where Did It Come From?
While one may have developed a shame based identity as a result of what has taken place in their adult years, it is more likely to have come about through the experiences they had during their childhood. During these years, one may have been abused and/or neglected.
Toxic shame makes one want to hide, and this is why it will be important for them to come out of hiding. This doesn’t mean that someone physically hides, as they could just as easily hide behind a mask.
A therapist and/or a support group can give one the support they need to let go of their false self. This can take place through one grieving their unmet childhood needs and for their inherent worth to be affirmed.
Oliver JR Cooper
When someone doesn’t face what is within them, there is the chance that it will end up being projected onto others. This is not bad per se, as this is a way for someone to realise what they need to work on.
Another way of looking at this would be to imagine other people as the white screen in a cinema, and that the film that is being projected onto that screen is coming from another human being as opposed to a camera. If one is in a cinema, it is clear to see what is taking place, but the same can’t be said when it comes to the ‘real world’.
In the real world, one might not realise that what they see in others is often a reflection of what is taking place within them. This is likely to mean that one is disconnected from their inner world.
As a result of this, one can end up believing that they are simply observing others. Through having this outlook, it allows them to avoid that is taking place within them, and they can come across as though they are ‘above’ others.
One is then in a superior position, and there is no need for them to do anything. Whereas, the people around them will end up being seen as the ones who need to work on themselves, and they can end up being seen as inferior.
It’s ‘Out There’
It is not always possible for someone to face what is within them, and this is why there will come a point in time where it will end up being projected onto others. This could be because one was abused and/or neglected as a child, and this then set them up to disconnect from their pain.
The approach they were forced to take as a child has then stayed with them as an adult. However, no matter what the reasons are for this, it is going to stop them from being able to own their own reality.
When someone is connected to their inner world, they will have a greater chance of realising what is taking place. This doesn’t mean they will always be aware of what is happening, but they will have the willingness to reflect on what is taking place.
As a result of this, it will be possible for them to use their external world as a way to heal their inner world. What is taking place externally will be seen as a reflection of what they need to face within them.
This is going to stop them from pointing the finger and getting too caught up in what someone else is or is not doing. If they were to remain focused on what is taking place externally, and to avoid what is taking place internally, it is not going to be possible for them to move forward.
What this will show is that one is able to not only use their eyes; they are also able to use their inner senses. Through having this balance, it will be possible for them to embrace both their inner and their outer world.
However, if one is disconnected from themselves, they are not going to be able to take responsibility for what is occurring within them. What they see in others will have nothing to do with them; it will always be about others.
And because what they see externally is a reflection of what is taking place within them, it is going to mean that it won’t matter where they go or who they are with; their reality will always be the same. This is then the same as one believing that their shadow doesn’t belong to them, but in this case, they are rejecting their inner shadow.
One is then living on the surface of themselves, and the identity they have formed is nothing more than a false self. In order for them to embrace their true self, they would need to embrace what is taking place in their body.
Yet, if they were to do this, they would have to get in touch with their real feelings. This would mean that one would have to own what they have been projecting onto others, and this could be a time where they have to face the toxic shame that is within them.
When one is carrying toxic shame, they can end up disconnecting from their shame or they can end up being stuck in it. When someone is disconnected from their shame and projects onto others without realising what is happening, they are likely to come into contact with people who are overwhelmed with shame.
This allows the person who is ‘shameless’ to maintain their position of being ‘superior’, and the person who has embraced their shame is likely to put up with the other persons projections. And as they feel less-than human, it allows the projector to continue to believe that they are more-than human.
While one can feel comfortable embracing their anger, guilt or fear, the same cant always be said when it comes to toxic shame. This is an inner experience that is so overwhelming that one can do everything they can to avoid it.
One of the problems with disconnecting from toxic shame is that one will disconnect from their healthy shame. This means that as one has become ‘shameless’, it is not going to be possible for them to feel human.
Better Than Others
It is then going to be normal for them to believe that they are better than others; they are then like gods who walk the earth. And they will need to do everything they can to maintain his outlook, or else they will end up feeling incredibly low.
There is no much chance of them realising how deluded they are until they are willing to face how they really feel. The false self that they have created is a way for them to defend themselves from how worthless they feel.
Arrogance and Contempt
And because they truly believe that they are better than others, it is going to be normal for them to come across as arrogant. The contempt they express to others is really a reflection of the contempt they feel towards themselves.
If someone is overwhelmed by toxic shame and acts as though they are worthless, there is a strong chance that they would accept help from others. They are in touch with how they feel, and this is going to make it easier for them to heal themselves.
However, when one is out of touch with their toxic shame and believes other people are the ones with the issues, there is not much chance of them getting help from others. They are out of touch with how they feel, and until they are no longer willing to life a life of denial and to drop their defences, they are not going to change.
The reason someone is carrying toxic shame is likely to come down to what took place during their childhood years. This is likely to be a time where their needs were not met, and one would have ended up being abused and/or neglected.
And as their caregivers were out of touch with their own shame, one ended up taking on what they had disconnected from. During these early years, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to realise that what was taking place didn’t reflect their own worth.
This should have been a time where one came to realise their inherent worth, but instead of this, they came to see themselves as being inherently flawed. And as this would have infiltrated their whole being, they would have come to believe that there was nothing they could do.
All the time one hides how they feel from themselves and others, it is not going to be possible for them to heal. It will be important for them to come out of hiding and to open up to the right people.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. This will be a time where one will be affirmed for who they are, and a time where they will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
Oliver JR Cooper
When someone wants to achieve something, there is the chance that they will have a number of people who inspire them. These could be people who they know personally or it may relate to people they know from a distance.
However, regardless of whether they know them or not, they will be having a big influence on their life. The people who inspire them may have already achieved what they want to achieve, and this is going to increase their inner belief.
In fact, if it wasn’t for what they have achieved, one might not believe that it is possible for them to achieve what they want to achieve. What this shows is how someone’s environment is influencing the kind of person they are, and the kind of person they want to become.
There will be ways in which one will realise how they have been influenced by their environment, and then there will be ways in which they are not. This could be because they were not old enough to understand what was happening and/or it could just be the result of the society they live in, for instance.
In today’s world, one is constantly being influenced by the media, and if one doesn’t take a step back from it all, they might not see how much of an influence it is having on them. And while in the past it was possible for someone to turn their TV off or to put a paper to one side, for instance, social media has given the media an even greater platform.
One can then end up in a position where they are more or less constantly connected to the media. As a result of this, it is easier than ever before for someone to be conditioned, and while not all conditioning is negative, it is not all positive either.
This can make it ever harder for someone to take the time to reflect on what they are hearing and to come to their own conclusions. One can then end up thinking in ways that are a reflection of what they have heard from the media.
Through having a constant connection to what is taking place in the world, it is possible for someone to stay up to date with what their role models are doing. It is not longer necessary for them to buy magazines or papers as a way for find out what they have been up to.
The only thing they need to do is to go onto social media and to check out their page. This then gives them the opportunity to find out about things they might not have found out about in the past.
If someone has a role model who is a singer or a musician, for instance, they can find out about their music, and they can also find out about their private life. And through being able to see what they are doing each and every day, one can end up feeling as though they ‘know’ the other person.
It then might not matter whether they have met the other person or if they actually know them personally. Without this level of access, it would not be possible for them to feel as close as they do.
However, although one can feel extremely close to someone through social media, they can also feel extremely disconnected at the same time. One reason for is because of how their role model experiences life, and how they could be living a life that is completely different to theirs.
Seeing how successful they are can then inspire someone on one hand and at the same time, it can also set them up to feel dejected on the other. It can all depend on who they look up to, and how they respond to what they are viewing.
If someone does feel inspired by what they see, it may be possible for them to take the steps to achieve what they want to achieve. This is not to say they won’t feel frustrated at times, or wonder how the other person has achieved so much.
Yet, the other person’s achievements won’t cause them to feel overwhelmed, and stop them from being able to take action. In this case, it is also likely to mean that one has not set their sights to high.
However, is someone is exposed to people who are musicians, sports stars or actors, for instance, there is also the chance that their expectations will be out of balance. This may be something that applies to people who have grown up with social media as opposed to those who grew up before it even existed.
And as they set their expectations so high, it may only be matter of time before they come crashing down. If they do come crashing down, they might not realise that not everyone is going to achieve the same things, and end up feeling like a failure.
This can also lead to another outcome where one will come to see that it is not possible for them to achieve the same things, and so instead of altering their expectations, they will believe that they are entitled to the same things. The need to work hard has then been replaced by the need for them to have whatever they want without having to do anything.
When someone expects to have the same level of success that other people have, without putting the work in, it is only going to cause problems. But even if they did work hard to achieve the same thing, it doesn’t mean they will be able to achieve it.
While someone can feel close to people who are successful through using social media, it is important to remember that they are on their own journey. They may have worked hard to get where they are, but there may also have been other factors involved when it comes to their level of success.
This is not to say that one should settle in life and not go after their dreams; what it does mean is that it is important for them to listen to themselves. Each and every one of us has our own life to lead, and while other people can provide us with inspiration, they can’t provide us with the path we need to take.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Teacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?