When one has an experience that has a positive effect on them, they are likely to play it through their mind after it has taken place. This could be something that goes on for days, weeks and even months; in fact, it could go on for years.
However, as the experience causes them to experience positive feelings, thoughts and sensations, this is unlikely to be seen as a problem. It is going to be something that one is only too happy to experience again and again. A Distraction If it did become a problem, it could be because it stops one from being able to live in the present moment. This means that it won’t be possible for them to make the most of what is currently taking place in their life. Still, even though this could occur and one could find it hard to focus, it doesn’t mean that it will bring one’s life to a standstill. On the plus side, this could be something that will cause one to be inspired. A New Force Through tuning into what took place, one could be more motivated than they were before. The energy they experience is then going to be used to move them forward in life, and this could be a sign that they want to have the same experience again. And in order for this to take place, it might be necessary for them to work hard and to go to the next level, so to speak. For example, if one is an athlete and they had just won a competition, it will be important for them to stay focused and to work hard. Half and Half When this happens, one is using the experience to drive them forward, but they are not going end up being caught up in what took place. As if they were to do this, it would stop them from being able to train to their potential and this would cause them to sabotage their success. And without being able to focus on each moment, it is naturally going to make it harder for them to go the next level. This is why it will be important for them to take control of their mind. Focus If this was to a happen, one could take the time to reflect on what has happened and on where they want to go. And how one can spend their time going over what they have achieved or they can place their attention in the present moment and work towards what they will achieve. Now, one can still think about what took place from time to time, but it won’t be something that consumes them. The experience they had is then not going to get in the way of the rest of their life. Another Experience While one can have ‘positive’ experiences in life, they can also have ‘negative’ experiences, and these experiences are likely to have a far greater impact on them. So as this is often the case, it can be hard for one to understand why it is not always possible to move on from what happened. Having a painful experience is going to be enough and yet it can continue to play out in their mind and body. There is then a strong chance that one just wants this to stop and for them to forget about what happened. The Ideal One way of looking at this would be to say that it would be a good idea if one could simply erase the memory from their mind. What took place would no longer affect them and one would be able to carry on with their life. This would then be similar to what would happen is one was to spill something on a table, and how they could simply wipe it up. The effect is then short-lived and one won’t need to suffer. One Outlook And if what has happened is stopping them from being able to function, it could be said that there is no reason for them to remember it. This will then be the right thing, and the sooner this happens, the better their life will be. If one was to look into how this could take place, they might ask the people they spend their time with, or they may go onto the internet, for instance. During his time, one could be told that they need to just ‘let go’ and to move on with their life. Willpower This will then be a time where one will need to use their willpower and by doing this; it will only be a matter of time before they will move on. They may also be told that they need to focus on the present moment and to think positive. Through dong this (or trying something else), one could find what took place no longer affects them. However, even if this approach was to work, it could set one up to experience other problems. Consequences For one thing, this could cause one to go through the same experience all over again, and this is because it won’t be there to remind me. Whereas if the experience was still with them, they would be able to learn from what took place. And if they were in touch with what took place, it might also add depth to their character; the experience could allow them to make a difference in the world, or it could change the way they see life. This is not to say that one has to continue to suffer though, as the pain they experienced can be dealt with and this will stop the experience from having a negative effect on them. Awareness The experience can then be integrated and what took place can be seen as something that has added something to their life and not just something that has taken something away from their life. This can occur through processing the emotional experience, or though changing how they view the experience. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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Emotional Problems: Why Do Some People Suffer In Silence When They Have Emotional Problems?30/5/2016
If one was in a position where they had a physical problem, there is a strong chance that they would reach out for the right support. Yet if this wasn’t the case, it could be because they feel ashamed of what is taking place for them.
However, it could be said that this will be the exception as opposed to the rule, and this is primarily due to how health problems are viewed. Going to see a doctor or paying a visit to the pharmacy, for instance, is something that is generally seen as a normal part of life. Another Experience But if one had a mental and emotional problem, it doesn’t mean that they will take the same approach. Instead, one could end up overlooking what is taking place and acting as if there is nothing wrong. And in today’s world, it could be said that this is something that is generally the rule as opposed to the exception. It is not as common for someone to open up about what is taking place at an emotional level or to go and see a therapist, for instance. More Important One reason why mental and emotional problems are not given the same attention as physical problems is down to the fact that they can’t always be seen. Whereas when it comes to a physical problem, this is rarely going to be the case. Along with this, one could also feel comfortable talking to others about what is going on with their body. Therefore, the help that they need is likely to be provided and this is going to make it easier for them to move forward. Men and Women There is also said to be a difference between how men and women respond to having mental and emotional problems. Women often find it easier to open up than men do, and this is partly the result of the conditioning that each sex experiences. Based on this, it could be said that this shows the difference is to do with nature and not nature. However, there could be more to it, and this is because women are said to experience greater levels of oxytocin when they talk about their feelings. Nature Through being this way, it allows them to feel good when they open up; but as men don’t experience the same amount, it causes them to have a different experience. It would then be accurate to say that that the difference in behaviour is not just the result of the experiences they have had. Thus, if women didn’t experience the same high through opening up, it would cause them to behave differently. What this shows is that there are different factors involved, and these need to be taken into consideration in order to understand why there is often difference in how men and women respond to different challenges. Black And White Still, it would be wrong to say that all women find it easy to open up and all men find it hard. This doesn’t mean that they are not general patterns in how men and women behave, but that not all men and women are the same. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for women to be found in the kinds of positions that only men held in the past. As a result of this, it has meant that these women have had to change their behaviour in order to function in these kinds of environments. Creating the Right Impression This can mean that a woman will have to embrace more of her masculine nature and it can then be normal for her to feel the need to cover up how she feels. As a way for her to maintain other peoples respect, she can believe that there is no other way to behave. For if she was to show how she feels, it could cause the people around her to question whether or not she is suitable for the position she holds. But if a woman doesn’t work in this kind of environment, she might not have this problem. A New Experience It is also not uncommon for men to open up about how they feel, and it could then be said that these men then have embraced their feminine nature. The masculine side of their nature may also be there, or they may have rejected it for whatever reason. And while this is going to be better for their health than being disconnected from how they feel, they may also have ended up being out of balance. This is then similar to how a woman can become super masculine and reject her feminine nature. Suffer In silence But regardless of the fact that there can be differences in how each sex responds to having mental and emotional problems, it is not always easy for people to reach out for the support that they desperately need. It is all too common for someone to pretend that everything is fine. On one hand, one can be experiencing a lot of pain, but on the other hand, they can fear what other people would think if they were to reach out for support. This then causes them to tolerate what they are going through to avoid the pain they believe they would go through if other people were to find out. Shame Opening up could be seen as something that will cause other people to see them differently, and while this could be in their head, there could be some truth to it. This could also be something that would cause one to experience shame, and opening up can then be seen as something that will cause them to be ostracised. One’s need to protect their image is then going to have a negative effect on their life, and unless this changes, there life is not going to change. In fact, their life is likely to get far worse as time goes by. Awareness It would be easy to say that one should forget about how they look and just open up to anyone, but this might not always be the best approach to take. This is because not everyone is going to be able to give them the support they need. The best option might be for them to seek professional help and through doing this; they will get the right support. This will allow them protect themselves on one side and to get the support they need on the other.
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While some peoples early years were a time when they were given the support that they needed to develop into a well-adjusted adult, there are others that don’t have the same experience. This could mean that they were supported from time to time, or it may have been something that rarely, if ever, took place.
As a result of this, it can mean that the way they experience life as an adult is going to be radically different. Now, this doesn’t mean that what happens during the beginning of someone’s life will always define what they will be like as an adult. Black and White If this was the case, then the only way for one to be a functional adult would be for them to have a functional childhood. And if one was a functional adult, it would be because they had a functional childhood. However, there are people who didn’t have a good upbringing and yet they have been able to turn their life around. Just as there are people who have problems even though they have a good upbringing. Interpretation What this comes down to is that it is not only what happens to someone during their early years that will define the kind of person they will become; there is also how they respond to what takes place. This can be why one person can be treated badly during their early years and gradually rise above it, and another can continue to be defined by it. On the other side, one person can be treated well during their early years and turn out fine and another can turn out completely different. It could then be said that what took place during the beginning of their life had very little effect on them, and that they were born his way. More Than Meets the Eye If someone was to ask them about their early years, they may say that it was fine and that there were no problems. Along with this, their caregivers may also have a similar outlook. There is the chance that this is the true, but at the same time there could be more to it. It could come down to the fact that one is out of touch with what did take place during this time, and their caregivers could be in the same position. An Important Factor Still, although there are different factors involved when it comes to why someone is the way they are as an adult, it is clear to see that what took place during their early years is not something that can overlooked. If one is brought up in a loving environment, they are generally going to be a far better off than if this wasn’t the case. Through being given the support that they needed during this time to develop, there is a strong chance that they will be in touch with themselves. This will then allow them to express their true-self, and they are likely to lead a fulfilling existence. True-Self When one is in touch with themselves, it is going to mean that they are aware of their needs and feelings, amongst other things. These aspects will then define how they behave and the kinds of things that they want to achieve during their time on this planet. This is not to say that their true-self is something that is fixed, as it will change as they change. Therefore, what one sees as their true-self at one point in time is not necessarily going to be how they see it at another. Normal This is to be expected, as the kinds of things that one wants to achieve as a teenager are unlikely to be what they want to achieve when they are in their forties, for instance. Nevertheless, there is the chance that one will maintain certain values throughout their life. And through having this connection, it will be normal for them to feel as though they are on the right track in life. The people they spend their time with will know who they are and there will be no need for one to wear a mask. False-Self When one wasn’t given the support that they needed during the beginning of their life, it can mean that they will be out of touch with their true-self. As a way to handle what took place, they may have had no other choice than to create a false-self. The self that they had to create can then end up being seen as who they are, and this is going to make their life a lot harder than it needs to be. And while this will cause one to suffer, it doesn’t mean that they can simply ‘let go’ and be themselves. Caught Up If their false-self allows them to receive approval, they might not feel as though they need to change. The feedback that they get from others can then regulate the pain that they experience through doing what other people want. But even if one doesn’t receive a lot of approval from others, they might feel as though it isn’t safe enough for them to change. Thus, in order for them to survive, it will then be important for them to go along to get along. As The Years Pass However, as times goes by one could no longer receive the approval they used to receive, or they may get to the point where the pain is unbearable. This could then move them in a new direction and they could soon start to embrace their true-self. For example, one’s appearance could change and this can then encourage them to look within themselves as opposed to being caught up with what other people think about them. Or perhaps one could get to the stage in their life where they no longer have the energy to avoid themselves like they did in the past. Awareness Ultimately, it doesn’t matter when one finds their true-self; what matters is that they are taking the steps to find it. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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While someone could be in a position where they have saved a number of dogs from drowning, it could go even further than this. Perhaps they also work in the fire service, and have then stopped a number of people from losing their life.
They could also find that this kind of behaviour appears in their personal life, and one is then going to be used to being there for others in all areas of their life. However, this doesn’t mean that one has to have a history of saving dogs and/or to be in the fire service in order for this to occur. A Normal Part of Life When this is something that appears in their personal life, it is unlikely to be something that takes place from time to time. There is a strong chance that this is an experience they have each day. This could be because they are in a relationship with someone who is unable to handle life, or it might be a sign that they are surrounded by friends who have the same problem. At the same time, their time might be divided between helping their partner and their friends. Friendship Through being this way it won’t matter whether they are in a relationship or not, as they will always be helping someone. They could find that they have more time for others when they are single, or this might not be the case. Doing what they can to help their friends could always be on their mind, and it is then not going to be possible for them to overlook their needs. The effect this has on their relationship is then going to be downplayed. Admiration But while the person they are with could end up becoming frustrated if one behaved in this way, they could also see it in a positive light. The fact that they are only too happy to be there for their friends is then going to be something they admire about them. The time one spends with their partner could also be diminished by the amount of time they spend with their family. This could also be a time where one is taking on what these people can’t solve themselves. Two Options If one was to think about what they are doing, they could see it as the best option, and this could be a sign they only see one other option. In their mind, the other option may involve ignoring other people’s needs. As a result of this, one could believe that they would be selfish if they didn’t do as much for others, and it will then be normal for them to judge others in the same way. It then won’t matter that this is causing them to ignore their own needs and to stop other people from taking responsibility for their own lives. External Support What will also make a difference here is the kind of feedback that they get from other people, and how one’s behaviour will generally be supported. Other people could see them as a role model and say that the world needs more people like them, for instance. As it is not uncommon for people to be uncomfortable with their own needs, it could be said that it is to be expected that this outlook would be so common. It is then not a case of one being ashamed of their own needs; it is that they are simply ‘selfless’. An Illusion Being selfless is then seen as something to aspire to as opposed to something that is often a reflection of the false-self. Still, unless one starts to feel comfortable with their own needs, this is not going to change. But when one is receiving approval from others and is seen in a positive light, they are not going to feel the need to change. The pain they experience through ignoring their own needs will be offset by the pleasure they receive through pleasing others. All Together Based on what they do for others, it could mean that other people see them as some kind of super hero. One can then see seen as someone who has it all together and the people they save are the ones with the problems. When it comes to what one does for others, it can all depend on who they are trying to help. For example, one could have a pattern of being drawn to people that have mental and emotional challenges or those that can’t support themselves, among other things. Falling Apart Through being with someone like this, their attention can end up being consumed by the other person’s problems. And if one believes that they have it all together and the other person is the one who can’t handle life, they will feel as though they are doing the right thing. It can then be normal for one to experience a sense of superiority and as though they are the only ones who can help others. However, although one can believe that they are in a better position than the people they rescue, this is not going to be the complete truth. Two Levels From the outside, it can look as though one is healthier, and this is partly because of the false-self that they have created. Yet, if they felt comfortable with their own needs, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get their needs met indirectly by rescuing others. Along with this, rescuing others is an indirect way for them to rescue the parts of themselves that they have disowned. But as they have disconnected from these parts, it won’t matter what they do for other people as this won’t enable them to heal themselves. Awareness If one has the tendency to rescue others and they no longer want to avoid themselves, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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It has been said that one’s life can be an expression of their own needs or it can be an expression of other people’s needs. When it comes to the former, one is pleasing themselves; whereas when it comes to the latter, they are pleasing others.
True Fulfilment In order for one to live a fulfilling existence, it is clearly going to be important for them to take care of their own needs. Now, this doesn’t mean that one will therefore overlook other people’s needs. There is a strong chance that they will meet other people’s needs through putting their own needs first. For example, one could create their own business and even though this will allow them to full their needs, it will also enable them assist others. Win-Win As a result of this, it will be possible for one to fulfil their own needs and to fulfil other people’s needs. The alternative would be for one to be there for others, but to overlook what is taking place within them. It would then mean that even though one is having a positive effect on others, they are not having a positive effect on themselves. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is sabotaging their own life. The Outsider However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that other people will always realise this. Due to how one is behaving, they could believe that they are simply a ‘selfless’ human being. One is then an example of how people should behave and they are going to admire their behaviour. What could also play a part in this is that one could act as though they are only too happy to overlook their own needs. A Facade There is also the chance that they could be so concerned with their own needs that they don’t take the time to think about one’s needs. Yet even if one does come across as easy going and ‘selfless’, it doesn’t mean this reflects what is taking place within them. During the moments when they are by themselves, they could feel frustrated, angry and powerless. At the same time, this could be an experience that doesn’t last for very long, as one could end up feeling guilty and ashamed. Self-Oppression It then won’t matter if there is external pressure, as one will keep themselves in line. This is something that could take place without one being fully aware of what is happening, and then before long, they could soon be doing what they can to please someone. If one was able to take a step back from what is taking place, they may find that their life has been this way for quiet some time. It can then be seen as who they are as opposed to how they are choosing to behave. A Choice The trouble is that one is unlikely to see that they do have a choice when it comes to how they behave, and this can partly come down to how long they have experienced life in this way. It can be seen as something that just happens, and it is then going to be normal for one to have this outlook. If one was to open up to someone about what is taking place, they may say that they need to put their needs first and not to worry about pleasing others. One could then be told to change their behaviour and then everything will be fine. Two Sides However, even though one is suffering unnecessarily through putting other people’s needs first, it doesn’t mean that they can just change what they are doing. For one thing, they could be out of touch with their own needs, and it could also cause them to experience a lot of pressure. The mental and emotional pain they experience through trying a different approach could be stronger than the mental and emotional pain they usually experience. It can then be a lot easier for one to carry on doing the same thing and to neglect themselves. Anxiety When one puts their own needs first, they could end up feeling overwhelmed, and this could occur even if they were to only think about doing it. The sheer discomfort they experience is then going to stop them from being able to think clearly. It is then not a case of one putting their needs first and feeling as though they are doing the right thing; it’s as though something bad will happen, or that their world will come to an end. And through having this inner experience, it is not going to be a surprise for them to overlook their own needs. Relationships One could find that this is an experience that they have no matter who they are with, or it could be something that they generally experience around their friends and family. Also, if one is in an intimate relationship, it could be something that they experience in their company. One way of looking at this would be to say that one’s life revolves around pleasing other people, and this is then something that allows them to feel safe. The problem is that whilst it stops them from having to feel uncomfortable, it stops them from being able to live their own truth. Why Is This? This is then similar to how a child sees their caregiver whilst they are growing up; at this age, their survival does revolve around pleasing others. But through receiving the right care, they will gradually grow out of this and develop a sense of self. If one doesn’t receive the right care (and this could be because they were abused and/or neglected), it won’t be possible for them to develop a sense of self. As a result of this, they will stay in a boundary-less state and continue to believe that their survival rests on pleasing others. Awareness It is then going to be important for one to develop boundaries on one hand and to work through the pain they experienced during their early years on the other. Once one feels like an adult and no longer sees life as they did as a child, their life will begin to change. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
It has been said that depression is one of the most common mental and emotional problems in today’s world, and while some people might experience it from time to time, there are others who are more familiar with it. This is then not going to be something that affects everyone is the same way.
But while depression can be seen as something that is a bad thing, it could be said that it is not this black and white. In many ways, it might be more accurate to say that depression is a normal part of life. A Label After all, this is a word that is used to describe a number of different symptoms, and these symptoms didn’t simply appear after the word started to be used. The kinds of experiences people have when they are depressed have been around for many, many years. Now, this is not to say that labelling this experience hasn’t had an effect on how people perceive what is taking place for them, as this is clearly not the case. As a result of the approach that is now taken, it can mean that what was seen as a normal experience in the past is often seen as something that needs to be treated. The Other Way Also it would be an oversight to overlook the effect modern day world has had on people’s mental and emotional health. The world is constantly changing and the kinds of challenges people now have to face are not the same as the ones their ancestors had to face in the past. On one hand, technology has made certain things easier and on the other hand, it had also created more stress. The sheer pace of modern day life causes people to experience a lot of pressure. The New Normal What has played a part in changing what were normal experiences in the past to experiences that are now seen as abnormal is the belief that human beings should always be happy. Based on this, only one side of the emotional spectrum has a purpose and the other side needs to be eliminated. But this is generally not seen as something that will take place through the effort that someone puts in; it is typically seen as something that will happen through consuming something. A number of different drugs can be taken in order for one to achieve this outcome. Empty However, this is something that is likely to cause one to be disconnected from life, and instead of feeling happy all the time, they could end up being numb. The experiences they have that would usually cause them to experience discomfort won’t have the same effect on them. It would then be more accurate to see them as someone who observes life instead of experiences it. Thus, not only do they miss out on all the ‘bad’ moments, they also miss out on the ‘good’ moments. An Unexpected Outcome So out of the need to make life better for people (and/or to make more money), the people behind the need to change how people experience life have created even more problems. It could be said that they have simply caused people to lose touch with who they are. Having the ability to experience life from both sides of the spectrum is then not something that gives life meaning and depth, it is something that needs to be changed. To experience life is this way is not going to be much better than being overwhelmed with pain. Depression If one has just experienced loss, it will be normal for them to feel down, and this could be an experience that stays with them for months or even years. It can all depend on who has passed on and the kind of connection they had with them. What could also create a similar experience to this is when a relationship comes to an end. It might not matter how long they have been together or if they had a strong connection, as they can still feel down. Toxic Shame When one finds it hard to feel good about themselves, they can also be used to feeling depressed. The reason they feel this way could be due to what happened during their childhood years, and this may have been a time where they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This would have set one up to be shamed-based, and this means that they don’t experience shame from time to time; it will be a regular occurrence. It is then not going to be much of a surprise for them to feel as they do. Another Experience Still, this doesn’t mean that everyone who is carry toxic shame will feel depressed, and this is because it is possible for one to disconnect from how they feel. When this happens, one won’t find it hard to feel good about themselves, as they will have created false-self that allows them to experience a false sense of superiority. This can mean that one will be used to experiencing anger and rage, and this will allow them to elevate their mood. Through being out of touch with their true feelings, it could cause them to be critical of people who are depressed. A Different Expression It could then be said that what they a criticising in others is what they have disowned within themselves. But until they are willing to face what is taking place within them, they will continue to behave in the same way. And while it can be easy for someone who isn’t depressed to see themselves as being in a better position than someone who isn’t, this can be nothing more than an illusion. The only difference can be that one person is caught up in how they feel and another is avoiding how they feel. Awareness There could also be moments when one goes from feeling depressed to being angry, or when one goes from being angry to being depressed. When it comes to moving beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for one to work with a therapist and/or a support group.
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While some people end up with people who on a similar level, there are others who end up with people who are not. As a result of this, not everyone is going to be drawn to people who are as developed as they are.
Equal When it comes to the former, it could be said that one’s relationships are likely to be fulfilling, and this is partly because the other person will be able to challenge them. Another way of looking at this is that each person will be an adult as opposed to one of them being a child and another being a parent. Now, this doesn’t mean that they will be at the same level when it comes to every area of their life, as there are likely to be certain areas where this is not the case. For example, one person could have more money than the other or greater success in their career, for instance. Emotional Development However, when it comes to what is taking place within them, there is likely to be less of a difference. The emotional development of one person is like to match up with the emotional development of the other. There could also be a match when it comes to their intellectual development, but this might not always be the case. This could then mean that one person is more creative than the other. Attention Along with this, one may prefer more or less attention than someone else, and it could then be said that they are either an extrovert or introvert. Yet even if one does like to spend more time around others, it doesn’t mean that they will see themselves as more important or more developed than their partner. And the same could be said if one finds that their partner needs to spend more time around others. Each person is then able to accept that the other person is different without trying to change them or make out there is something wrong with them. Complement Each Other In this sense, each person is there to add to the other person’s life, and this will allow them to grow and develop together. In many ways, this could be seen as the ideal scenario as it will be life-affirming. This doesn’t mean that they won’t argue or that they won’t be conflict; what it means is that they will be together to assist in each other’s evolution. When one ends up with people who are not at the same level, their experience is likely to be radically different. Two Experiences On one side, one could find that they are fed up with attracting people who are more like their child than their partner. On the other side, one could find that although this causes them to be frustrated from time to time, it is what feels comfortable. If one has had enough of what is taking place, it could be a sign that they have experienced an inner shift. But if one is happy with how their life is, it could come down to the fact that their level of awareness hasn’t changed. For Example When one is in this position, they could find that they are typically drown to people who are a lot younger than they are. It will then be normal for one to feel like the other persons parent and they can be used to giving more than they receive. One could also be attracted to people who are not very developed, and once again they can feel like some kind of teacher. But while they will be giving lots of advice, they are not going to be getting anything in return. Control Still, what this will do is allow them to be the person that decides what does and what doesn’t happen in the relationship. For instance, through having more money, they will be able to define where they go and where they live. If they are more intelligent, it will allow them to be right and the other person is likely to look up to them. The feedback that they get from the other is then going to have a positive effect on how they feel about themselves. Stunted So the relationships they have will allow them to experience control and to feel good about themselves, but what they won’t do is allow them to grow. The only thing they are likely to do is to allow them to preserve the identity they have formed. Therefore, although one can look as though they are full of life on the outside, this is not going to match up with what is taking place within them. And until they no longer feel comfortable with this kind of dynamic, it won’t be possible for them to truly grow. Overshadow If one was to take a look at what is taking place within them at a deeper level, they may find that they don’t value themselves, and through being with people who are not at the same level, it stops them from having to face how they feel. One has then created a false-self that allows them to rise above their true feelings. This could mean that there was a time in their life where they experienced some kind of abuse and neglect, and this then caused them to experience toxic shame. If one was to embrace how they feel they would feel worthless and it would cause them to emotionally collapse, but through disconnecting from what is taking place within them, it will allows them to experience a false sense of superiority. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to attract someone who is at their level, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will need to work through the emotional pain that is trapped in their body, among other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone gets on a plain to go home after they have been on holiday, it could be said that they are leaving the country behind. Once they get home, they can carry on with the rest of their life.
Now, this is not to say that they won’t have moments when they will think about what took place, or that they won’t imagine would it would be like to be back there again. However, what it does mean is that it is not going to have a big effect on their life. Not Content If, on the other hand, one does find that they are unable to carry on with their life, it could be a sign that there life is not very fulfilling. In this case, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on with their life. Ultimately, they will believe that they haven’t got much of a life to live, and through going away, it will have made it even harder for them to function on a day-to-day basis. This could be something that is seen as the exception as opposed to the rule. Memories When one carry’s on with the rest of their life, some of the experiences they had may have an impact on their life. They could find that they have been inspired to do things they wouldn’t have done before. If something bad happened, it could cause them to retract in some way, but this could pass as time goes by. The experiences they have once they are back could allow them to move on from what took place. A New Home This is an experience that can be seen as similar to what takes place when one leaves the home that they were brought up in. And how once they have left, what took place whilst they were there will no longer affect them. Or if it does, the impact it had will soon come to an end once they have lived somewhere else for a short amount of time. This then matches up with what people say when they leave home, and how this is a time where people feel free. A New Beginning Along with this experience (or even if one doesn’t see it in this way), it can be seen as the start of a new phase of their life. If one had an enjoyable childhood, this could be a time where they feel a sense of loss. But if their experience was the complete opposite, they could experience a sense of relief and as though they are being liberated. Thus, how each person feels after they have left is likely to be radically different. It Will Soon Pass However, even if one does feel sad about what is taking place, it could be said that they won’t stay this way for too long. Once they have settled down somewhere else and started to create a new life, their emotional state will soon change. And if one was only too happy to leave home, their emotional state could go from one end of the spectrum to the other. Still, one is likely to find that they end up having moments where they don’t feel as good. Good and Bad What this comes down to is that no matter what one’s childhood was like, they are not always going to feel good in the real world. There is also going to be different challenges that they have to deal with. Yet what they will have is the ability the make their own choices and not to be defined by the choices their caregivers make. Therefore, there are pros and cons, but there is no denying that one will have more freedom. A Smooth Transition If one is in a position where they had a fulfilling childhood, they could find that the kinds of interactions that they have with others are fulfilling and life-affirming. It is then not going to be as if the good moments in their life have come to an end, as they will continue to take place. They could find that the people they meet remind them of the people who were around during their younger years. This is not to say that they will be an exact match, but that they will have similar qualities. A Rocky Road If one is in a position where they didn’t have a fulfilling childhood, they could find that the interactions they have with others are not fulfilling or life-affirming. What they went through during their early years will then have continued. The people they come into contact with can then remind them of the people who were around during their early years. It can then be as if they are the same people, but that they have different faces. The Ideal This scenario could be seen as the ideal, as there is a strong chance that one will not see the connection between what is happening in their adult life and what took place during their childhood. As far as they are concerned, what took place in the past could be in the past. So whatever takes place in their adult years has nothing to do with their childhood, and this can then cause them to feel as though the world is against them, for instance. Whereas if they were able to see the connection, it would allow them to see that they are not simply observing what is taking place. Awareness Unless one deals with what took place during their childhood, it won’t matter where they go as the past will always be with them. Their mind and body will carry the past around until it has been dealt with. When it comes to dealing with this, it might be necessary for one to work with a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who can change their behaviour if they need to, there are others who are unable to do so. When this happens, they can come across as the same no matter what is taking place.
This is not to say that they won’t have moments where their behaviour will change, but this will be the exception as opposed to the rule. As a result of this, they can be seen as someone who is only able to behave in a certain way. Restricted Now, just as certain tool is not got to be used for everything, it is also not going to be possible for one to express themselves through only behaving in a certain way. Thus, when one is in this position, it is going to cause them to hold themselves back. In fact, it could mean that they are taken advantage of or even abused by others, and this means that one will be wide open. The behaviours they need to function in this world are then not going to be available. From The Outside Still, this doesn’t mean that other people will always realise what is taking place, as they could believe that this is just what they are like. For example, if one comes across as easy going, there might be no reason for other people to find fault. In this case, other people could generally find that they are easy to be around and this could be as far as it goes. One is then not causing any problems and so there is no reason for others to focus on their behaviour. A Door Mat But if someone does have something negative to say about their behaviour, it could relate to the moments when they get walked over by others. They could say that there are times when they don’t need to be so easy going. And how these are moments when it will be important for them t to be angry about what is happening to them and to stand their ground. One could receive this kind of feedback and reflect on it, or it could simply go over their head. Another Experience Alternatively, one could come across as the complete opposite, and this means that they are not going to let anyone walk over them. It can then be normal for them to be the one who walks over others. They are going to have a strong connection to their anger, and this could be something that intimidates a lot of people. If others don’t do as they say, it could be only a matter of time before they lose their cool. Two Sides The people they come into contact with can then see them as assertive and the kind of person who goes after what they want in life, or they can see them as someone who is overwhelming. It can then be normal for people to be drawn to them or to be repelled by them. It is then going to be a challenge for one to be able to go with the flow from time to time and to let go. Therefore, one could have moments where they feel burnt out and then before long, they could go through the same experience again. Relationships When it comes to what their relationships are like, one could also find that they always play the same role. Perhaps one is the person who always takes charge and is the ‘responsible’ one. Alternatively, they could be the person who always allows someone else to do everything for them and is the ‘irresponsible’ one. This can then mean that one feels the need to know everything and to always have the answers, or they could be the one doesn’t know what to do in life and relies on other people’s advice. Rescue or Rescued Therefore, one could be the person who is always recuing others, or they could be the person who is always being rescued. If one rescues others, it will likely to be what empowers them and allows them to feel as though they are on the right track. Whereas if one is used to being rescued, this will be what empowers them and allows them to feel as though they are on the right track; at least in the beginning anyway. As time passes, the former is likely to feel used and the latter is likely to feel trapped. A Role However, although these behaviours and relationship dynamics (as well as many others) are going to stop one from being able to function as whole human being, it doesn’t mean that one can simply change what is taking place. If one was to change their behaviour or to end up in a relationship where they are no longer played the same role, it could cause them to suffer in another way. The experience one has can be similar to how someone feels when they have a midlife crisis; where someone can feel lost and as though they don’t know who they are. One can feel as though they have lost a part of themselves, and in order for them to settle down once again, they could end up doing the same thing all over again. What’s going on? If one was to take the time to think about what took place during their childhood years, they may find that what is taking place during their adult years is no different. During these early years, one may have been put in a role by their caregivers and this then stopped then from developing a sense of self. One was then put in a position were they had to be a human doing as opposed to a human being. As a result of this, their true-self will have remained undeveloped and all they will have is a false-self. Emptiness As their true-self was not embraced and they had to develop a false-self in order to survive, it is not going to be possible for them to simply drop their role and to be themselves. When they no longer play the same role, they will end up coming into contact with the pain they experienced through not getting their developmental needs met and having to cover up their true-self. But this doesn’t mean that this pain will come up straight away, as one would simply feel empty in the beginning. This is because they could be disconnected from how they feel and it will then be normal for them to have this experience. Awareness If one can relate to this and they are no longer willing to play a role, it will be important for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to come into contact with someone they know, they could end up receiving a smile and then a few words. At the same time, they might not offer them a smile and only a few words could be spoken.
When the former takes place, it is likely to be a sign that one is close to the other person, or that they have good communication skills. On the other hand, when this doesn’t happen it could mean that one doesn’t have a close connection to them, or that they are not very good with people. An Important Factor However, regardless of why one would meet someone they know and not receive a smile, it is clear to see that this is not something that can be overlooked. This is because it can be something that will set the tone of an interaction. Of course, the other person could start to smile as time goes on, but at that point, it might be too late. When that happens, one may have started to wonder why they are talking to them, or they may have ended the interaction before their behaviour changed. Another Angle If one does meet someone they know and they overlook how they greet them, it could be because they know what they are like. In this case, it could mean that the other person doesn’t smile much and it is then not a sign that they are not pleased to see them. Also, one could be in a position where they don’t value themselves and this is then something that they have become accustomed to. As one feels like a burden, they don’t expect other people to treat them any differently. Another Area Along with the kinds of responses that one gets from the people they know, there will also be the responses why get from the people they don’t know. And this will include how people respond to them in shops and other businesses. If one is used to being treated well by the people they spend their time with, they are likely to expect the same kind of treatment when they go in these kinds of places. But even if one doesn’t spend time with people who treat them well, it doesn’t mean that they will expect this kind of behaviour when they go to buy something. Different Standards This is then similar to how one’s house can be a mess, but when it comes to going on holiday, they can expect the hotel to be in pristine condition. Thus, what one is willing to put up with can all depend on the context. And although one should expect good treatment if they are buying something, they should also have the same expectations when it comes to the people in their life. For one thing, one will spend a lot more time around these people, and so they will generally have a bigger effect on their life. The First Part When one goes into an establishment, the response they get from the people that work there will have big affect on the kind of impression they form about the business as a whole. Just as one is likely to form an opinion on someone based on how they behave when they first meet them. After this first moment has passed, a business might not get another chance to create another impression. Now, if they generally create a good impression when people pay them a visit, this is not going to be something that they need to worry about. Undermined Yet if they don’t create a good impression when people enter their establishment for the first time, this is going to be something that is bound to trouble them. Instead of doing what they can to thrive as a business, they will be doing what they can to lose customers. And so the sooner they deal with this problem, the sooner their business will be going in the right direction. As it might not matter what they have to offer if they don’t know how to treat their customers. The Power of a Smile When one first enters an establishment, they can be made to feel welcome with a smile, and it will be important for there to be eye contact. The reason it is likely to have a positive effect is because one is being embraced. It is clear for them to see that the person who is greeting them is happy to see them and wants to assist them. One will then form a positive impression of the person who is helping them and the business will also be seen in the same light. Each Step This is only going to be the first step though, and it will be important for one to smile from time to time throughout the interaction. Through doing this, it can cause the experience that one had at the beginning to stay with. If one receives a smile when the interaction comes to an end, it can leave them with a positive emotional experience to take away with them. Through being treated in this way, they might be only too happy to go there again and/or to recommend the business to others. The Opposite When this doesn’t happen and one only hear words coming from someone else’s mouth, for instance, it is going to be normal for them to wonder what they are doing there. It is then not as if they are happy to see them; it’s as if one is putting them out by being there. This kind of approach is likely to work perfectly if they want to lose business, but if they want to be a success it is unlikely to work. Fortunately, this is not something that will take a long time to implement. Stepping Up In order to do this, a business could get their staff members to practice smiling in front of a mirror. Through putting the effort in, it should only be a matter of time before it becomes second nature. It has also been said that this is also about having the right mindset and how this will make it easier for someone to respond in the right way. As if they are in the right state of mind when someone pays them a visit, it will be a lot easier for them to smile.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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