If someone wanted to find out about what was going on around them in the past, they probably would have watched TV or read a paper. The reason for this is that the internet wouldn’t have been available.
One Source So unlike today’s world where one can choose between the mainstream media or the alternative media, there would only have been only option. What the former came out with would then have been the only thing they had to go by. There may have been times when one paper had a slightly different perspective to another, but that might have been as far as it went. As a result of this, it may have meant that they accepted everything they were told. Normal Or, there may have been moments when they were not willing to go along with what they were told. But if one did accept everything this source came out with, it could be said that it is not going to be much of a surprise. After all, the purpose of this source is to inform people about what is taking place around them. This is then similar to how if one was brought food in a restaurant, they wouldn’t send the food to a lab to be tested before they eat it. Way Back There would have been people around them who also went along with what this source came out with. And as this was the case, it would have made it easier for them to believe that they were doing the right thing. What will also have played a part is that one is likely to have paid attention to this source since the beginning of their life. During their early years when they were highly suggestible, they are likely to have been around people who also looked towards this source of information. Blind Belief So in the same way that one can believe that a friend or a family member has their best interests at heart; they can believe that the mainstream media is there to serve them. This will have been seen as the truth and there would have be no need for them to look into if this was actually the case. However, even though one will now have the ability to go online and to see what the alternative media has to say, it doesn’t mean that this will take place. They could be only too happy to carry on as before. The Contrast As another source is now available, they have the chance to see if what the mainstream media tells them is actually the truth. This will be the same as one having the opportunity to spend time around people who are radically different. Through being around these people, it can enable them to see if the people they have spent time with up until this point in time are right for them. But regardless of whether this relates to the news or to relationships, the need to hold onto what is familiar still remains. Hooked In Consequently, even though one now has the chance to see if what the mainstream media comes out with is the truth; it doesn’t mean that they will. Instead, they could continue to blindly follow this source of information. It is then not that one will follow this source because they want to be informed; they will follow it because that’s what they have always done. The part of their brain that is only interested in their survival will have taken over, while the part of them that has the ability to questions things will be out of action. Another Experience This comes down to the fact the mind is drawn to that which is familiar; if something is not familiar, it will be seen as a threat. Thus, even though this relates to information and not a life or death situation, the mind will still work in the same way. Based on this, if one is a lot younger and they have grown up with the internet, there is the chance that they will be more likely to look towards the alternative media. For one thing, they are not going to be as attached to the mainstream media. Black and White Also, one is likely to have a Smartphone, and this will mean that they can take a deeper look into anything they want, no matter where they are. Ergo, unlike the older generation, they will be part of the generation that is informed about the world. But while this might sound accurate, it could be said that this is not going to apply to everyone under a certain age. There will be people who haven’t grown up with the internet who still look towards the mainstream media. False Opposition Although these people might not read a paper or watch the news on TV, for instance, they will still read articles and watch videos that are provided by this source online. At the same time, one could end up being manipulated by the people behind the mainstream media even if they pay attention to the alternative media. What this comes down to is that even if a website positions itself as being on the fringes, this could be nothing more than an illusion. Through creating this impression, it causes people to drop their guard down. Conclusion There is then a more direct way of manipulating people and there is a more indirect way of doing it. It has been sad that the people behind the scenes have controlled people in this way for many, many years. By doing this, they can cover all bases, and it makes it easier to deceive the people who are not as easily deceived as others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
During one’s early years, they may have had two parents who treated them well. As a result of this, they may look back on their childhood with fond memories.
And due to how they were treated when they were younger, there is a strong chance that they will have a good relationship with them now. Therefore, the foundations would have been laid many years ago. A Different Experience But while this is how their life is, it doesn’t mean that everyone they know will be able to relate to it. There is the chance that some of their friends don’t get on with their parents, or they might only get on with one of them. If they were to find out more about what is taking place for them, they may discover that their early years were no better. What they are going through now is then going to be a continuation of the kind of relationship that they had with them as a child. One Approach One may be able to empathise with them, and this may stop them from trying to change what they are going through. It might be only too clear that it is not possible for this person to do anything about what is taking place. They may have a tried a number of different things to improve their relationship with them, but it won’t have achieved anything. This might cause one to think about how lucky they are to have the kind of relationship that they have with their parents. Another Approach Alternatively, one could hear about what one of their friends is going through and they might not be able to accept it. Based on how they experience life, they could believe that there is a way for them to move through what is taking place. One could say that life is too short to behave in this way, and that they need to do what they can to get on with them. It will then be clear that one is unable to empathise with what they are going through. Projection This is what can take place when one ends up protecting their reality onto other people; it stops them for being able to connect to their experience. One is then caught up in their own life and they are unable to put themselves in another person’s shoes. After speaking to them about this area of their life, one of their friends could go away feeling drained. In the future, they might not bother talking them about it, and it could even make them wonder if this is a friendship worth keeping. In The Same Boat At the same time, one might find it easy it easy to connect with what they are going through and this is because they could have a problem with their parents. Or, they might only be able to get on with one of them. Having someone in their life who is going through what they are going through is likely to have a positive effect on them. Each person will be able to talk about what is going on for them without having to worry about being judged. Part of Life When one gets on with both of their parents, they are going to have far more support than they would have it they only got on with one of them. But while this is going to be the ideal, it is not how life always works. If one only gets on with one of their parents, there is the chance that it has always been this way. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that their parents no longer live together. Two Sides There is, of course, the chance that they split up a few years ago, or when they were a lot younger. Yet, regardless of how long they were together for; one can see one parent as being good and the other as being bad. Along with how each parent treats them now, there is also going to be how they treated them when they were younger. One could say that one parent treated them really badly, whilst the other didn’t. Two Extremes Consequently, one of them can be seen as having issues and the other can be seen as being the complete opposite. There is then going to be no reason for one to direct their anger at both of their parents; there is only going to be one of them who deserve it. Nevertheless, if one was to take a step back and to look into what took place, they may begin to see that it is not this black and white. For one thing, if one parent was healthy, they wouldn’t have ended up with someone who is unhealthy. The Enabler For example, if one parent abused and/or neglected them and the other one didn’t do anything about it, they would have been part of the problem. Now, clearly this parent didn’t harm them directly, but what they did do is harm indirectly. When one has elevated the parent who didn’t harm them directly above the one who did, it can be hard for them to come to terms with this. Out of their need to maintain the illusion that one parent is completely different to the other; it can stop them from being able to face reality. Awareness As if one has the need to protect one parent, it can stop them from being able to move on from what happened. If they were to let go of the idealised image that they have created, they may come into contact with a lot of pain. And unless this pain is dealt with, it can set them up to reexperince what took place when they were younger. This is not to say that one needs to direct their pain at the so-called good parent, as this whole process can take place without the need for drama to arise. Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, one can work through the pain that is within them. Also, one can talk to them about what they should say to their parent.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to get something wrong, they may find that this is not something that will end up derailing them. They might need a little while to pull themselves together, so to speak, but that will be as far as it will go.
Going Back And, if they were to look back on how they have been throughout their life, they may find that this is what typically takes place. What this is going to show is that it takes a lot for them to give up and to walk away from something. Perhaps one was brought up by people who encouraged them to try new things and didn’t criticise them if they got anything wrong. The main purpose would have been for them to give something a go and not to get it right. A Vital Ability Through being able to handle a set back without giving up, it is likely to be something that has had a positive effect on their life. For one thing, they won’t expect to get everything right straight away. As a result of this, there is the chance that they will have been able to achieve a lot. There will be the effect this has had on their personal life and on how it has influenced their career. The Experience So, if one was to try something new and it didn’t go very well, there is going to be no reason for them to hit rock bottom. They will be able to look into what they need to do differently and then they can try it again. It is not going to be something that is going to define how they see themselves; it will simply be something that they need to correct. Or, one might come to the conclusion that this is not something that they want waste any more time on. Self-Image It could be said that the reason they are able to move on after something like this has happened is because they don’t take it personally. One has then got something wrong, but it doesn’t mean that they are wrong. This shows that one doesn’t feel the need to get everything right; their main priority is to simply give something a go. Due to this, there is going to be no reason for them to experience a lot of pressure. Self-Worth Their value is going to be based on who they are as opposed to what they do; this is going to be why they don’t feel the need to get everything right. Thus, regardless of whether they get something wrong or not, how they feel about themselves is generally not going to change. This is going to allow them to be in touch with what is taking place within them and to express the part of them that wants to try new things. After all, one is here to experience life, not to sit on the sidelines and watch other people. Both Areas When one has this approach to life, they could be in a position where they have been able to create a fulfilling career. As they are able to try new things, without having to worry about if they will get it right straight away, it will have allowed them to progress. Along with this, they might have developed a number of different skills over the years. There is also going to be plenty of things that they have tried that they are not very good at. A Different Experience Yet, while there will be people who experience life in this way, there are also going to be people who don’t. When one can relate to this, they may find that one of their biggest fears is getting something wrong. This is not going to be seen as something that is simply part of life; it is will be seen as something that they need to avoid at all costs. Therefore, even if they want to try something, it doesn’t mean that they will. Worked Up If they do try something new, it could be something that will cause them to experience a lot of pressure. There can be the fear that something will go wrong on one side and, on the other, they can worry about how other people will respond. One might stop themselves from experiences a lot of pain by not trying things, but it will also make it harder for them to grow. This can cause them to spend a lot of time thinking about what their life would be like if they did try things. A Human Doing What this is likely to show is that one believes that their value is based on what they do and not on who they are. Consequently, if they get something wrong it shows that they are wrong. One is then only as good as what they do, and it is then clear to see why they would want to avoid doing anything that would cause them to make a mistake. When they make a mistake, it is going to cause them to feel exposed. Going Deeper One is going to believe that other people will see how flawed they are, and this can cause them to experience fear and anxiety. As if one has no value, it will set them up to be rejected and/or abandoned by others. This can be seen as something that will put their survival at risk. Based on this, it is not going to be possible for them to make a mistake and then to move on with their life; it will be something that overwhelms them. Awareness And, as they experience so much pressure, it can be a lot harder for them to get something right. When one feels as though they are worthless, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While a woman can have the desire to be with a certain type of man, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. There is then the chance that the kind of guy she ends with is completely different to the one she had in mind.
Not a Problem Nevertheless, she could find that this is someone who is just right, and this could make her think about whether or not the person she had in mind would have been right. It could then be as if she didn’t know what was best for her. Thus, the kind of man who she thought would have been a good match is not the kind of man who would have been. What this can show is that her idea of the perfect man was created by external sources. Conditioning There is likely to have been the effect films, magazines and TV programmes had, and there would be how she was influenced by the people around her. Each of these influences would have come together to create her ideal man. It could be said that this is similar to how someone can come to believe that a small car would be perfect for them, and how this can change when they get into a bigger car. They could see that the car they had in mind would have been far too small for them, and that a bigger car is just right. The Modern Day World If a woman does have this experience, there is going to be no reason for her to feel bad about not knowing what kind of guy would be right for her. For one thing, the mainstream media and other sources are working day and night to influence people. In addition to this, there is the effect that her early years would have had on her; with these experiences playing a big part in how she saw life. It is only once she has experienced something for herself that she can realise whether what she believes is true or not. A Different Outlook This could end up being a relationship that will last for a long period of time, or perhaps it could come to an end before long. Yet even if it didn’t last for very long, it would have given her a better understanding of the kind of man who is right for her. As to why it came to an end, it could have been something that was out of her hands. Maybe he had to move to another country for his career and she was not willing to go there, or it might have been the other way around. Another Scenario On the other hand, a woman could end up with a man who is nothing like the person she has in mind, but he might not be a good match. This could be a man who is controlling, and this is naturally going to stop her from being able to be herself. In the beginning, he may have tried to control her in small ways and, as time passed, it could have got even worse. The area of her life that is supposed to have a positive effect on her wellbeing is going to have the opposite effect. A Big Difference Still, if she was to think about what he was like when she first met him, she may find that he was different. This could have been a time when he was attentive and charming, among other things, and this would have then caused her to believe that he was right for her. But as time went by, and as she developed a stronger bond with him, his behaviour may have gradually changed. Or, this might have been something that appeared to just happen, with it coming out of nowhere. Trapped There would be how she behaved when she met him and there would be how she behaves now that she is with him. She is likely to find that she can no longer behave how she wants to, and that he is the one who defines how she can behave. Her true-self will have been covered up and, in its place, will be a false-self that she has had to develop. As a result of this, she might no longer do the kinds of things that she did before she met him. Two Parts Before she met him she may have spent a lot of time with her friends, but now they are together, she might rarely see them. And while this is going to be hard to handle, she might no longer have the desire to see them. Through being with someone who squeezes the life out of her, she might have lost the will to do anything about it. This could be the first time she has ended up in this position, or it could be something she has experienced on a number of occasions. No Control If she has been with a number of men who are controlling, there is the chance that she will see herself as a victim. This is something that keeps happening and there is nothing she can do about it. The only way her life will change is if she just happens meet a man who is different, but it might be hard for her to believe that this is possible. This is because she could believe that all men are the same. Rising Up It is then going to be vital for her to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. If this was to take place, it would give her the chance to see that she is the person who shows up each time, and this is why she is not a victim. Now, it could be said that there is no way for her to tell if another man will end up trying to control her; even so, there is a reason why their paths crossed to begin with. At a deeper level, they were a match, and this is why they were drawn together. A Closer Look There is a strong chance that she feels comfortable being with a man who is controlling, and this can be due to what took place when she was younger. During this time, she may have had a caregiver who abused her. At the time, this would have caused her to suffer, but her mind would have come to associate being treated in this way as what is safe. What is familiar is what is safe to the mind, and this is one of the reasons why child abuse is so destructive. Awareness What is also destructive is that being treated in this way will have stopped her from being able to develop in the right way. It will have stopped her from developing boundaries and caused her to disconnect from her inherent value. Fortunately, what took place when she was younger doesn’t have to define her life forever. How she experiences life can change through dealing with what is taking place within her, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one behaves in a way that is seen as being socially acceptable, it can be a lot easier for them to feel good about themselves. But before they were even old enough to go out into the world by themselves, there would have been how they were treated by their caregiver/s.
An Extrovert So, if one if likes to spend a lot of time around others and talks a lot, there is the chance that they will have received positive feedback throughout their life. What this can come down to is that their behaviour will be seen as normal. Now, this is not to say that they won’t have been treated badly by anyone; what it comes down to is that they wouldn’t have been treated as though there was something wrong with them. Yet, if they were not treated in this way when they were younger, it could show that they were brought up by people who were reserved, for instance. A Positive Effect Through being treated in this way, it would have been a lot easier for them to develop a positive self-image. They would have realised that their behaviour was acceptable and that they didn’t need to be someone else. This would have stopped them from developing a mask and it would have allowed them to stay in touch with their true needs and feelings. Ultimately, there will be no reason for them to hide themselves. Authentic Relationships Thus, when it comes to the people who they are close to, there will be no need for them to put on an act. These people will know who they are and they won’t have the need to change them. Some of these people could be just as outgoing as they are and some could be the complete opposite. But even if they are close to people who are different, it doesn’t mean that they will try to change them. Self-Acceptance If, on the other hand, one didn’t accept themselves, it would be a lot harder for them to accept people who are different. One might then believe that these people have something wrong with them and that it is down to them to put them right. Instead, one will be able to appreciate what these people bring to the world, and this will show that they don’t believe that they are better than them. One is going to value what these people have to offer. An Introvert However, if one doesn’t like to spend a lot of time around others and they don’t always talk, there is the chance that they haven’t received a lot of positive feedback during their life. This is because this kind of behaviour is often seen as being abnormal and as a sign that one has something wrong with them. Once again, this doesn’t mean that everyone they have come across will have treated them this way, as there are likely to have been people who treated them differently. When they were younger, the people around them may have acted as though they had a problem. A Negative Effect Through being treated in this way, it may have caused them to develop a negative self-image. One may have come to believe that their behaviour is not acceptable, and this may have caused them to change. As a result of this, they may have ended up crating a false-self, and this may have set them up to disconnect from their true needs and feelings. It would have been as if there was something wrong with their true-self. Inauthentic Relationships Due this, there is the chance that one will spend time around people who don’t know who they are. When one is in their company they might play a role and, if they were to reveal their true nature, they might end up being rejected. These people are likely to enjoy spending a lot of time around others and being the centre of attention. If they do spend time with people who accept them, this might be something that rarely takes place. Different Needs The people who can’t accept them can appear to have it all together, but as they treat them badly it shows that this is nothing more than an illusion. One is going to need to spend more time by themselves, as this will allow them to recharge. This is just part of being sensitive, and there is no reason for them to feel ashamed of the fact that they can’t handle as much stimulation as the average person. Nevertheless, if one believes that there is something wrong with them, it is going to stop them from being able to accept themselves. In The Way What they experienced when they were younger and what they have experienced as an adult will have had a big effect on them. If one was abused for being sensitive when they were growing up, it may mean that they are carrying toxic shame. This would have caused them to feel as though they were inherently flawed, and covering up their true-self would have been a way for them to survive. These people were unable to accept their value and this then stopped one from being able to realise their own value. Awareness In order for one to accept themselves, it will be necessary for them to let go of what doesn’t belong to them. This will relate to the beliefs that don’t serve them and they might also be carrying trauma. External support may be needed here, and this can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is in a position where other people have the tendency to walk over them, it is going to be a challenge for them to be themselves. They are likely to spend a lot of time on edge, as this will make it easier them to predict what will happen next.
Through being anxious, it will be a lot harder for other people to catch them off guard. Even so, this is not going to stop them from being walked over; it will simply mean that they won’t be as surprised when it does happen. Harder to Handle Therefore, this will be a way for them to minimize the pain that they will experience when someone takes advantage of them. If they were able to forget about all this and to relax, it is not going to be long until something happens. What takes place will catch them off guard and it is then going to have a much bigger effect on them. So, in order for them to feel safer, it will be vital for them to make sure that they don’t allow themselves to settle down. A Drain When this takes place, one is going to spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what other people will do to them. This is naturally going to stop them from being able to use these important resources in a more productive manner. But if one believes that there is nothing they can do about what is taking place, it is going to be normal for this to take place. Their so-called high needs will be neglected and in their place will be the need to survive. One Area When it comes to their personal relationships, they might be used to spending time with people who physically abuse them. Or, one could be surrounded by people who are not interested in their needs and feelings. Their true-self is not going to be able to see the light of day, and they will be playing a role that these people want them to play. It could be said that these people are not interested in who they really are; they are only interested in meeting their own needs. Different One could believe that while these people can do what they want, they have to put up with how other people treat them. It can be as if one is nothing more than an extension of others and that they don’t have their own self. Through being this way, the only way their life will change is if other people do, and this is likely to cause one to feel powerless. What does or doesn’t happen to them is not going to be in their hands. Self-Image This is likely to stop one from being able to feel good about themselves, and it could end having an effect on every area of their life. One is then not someone who has control over their life; they are someone who has to put up with what life throws at them. Ultimately, one is going to be a victim and the people who walk over them are going to be the perpetrators. There is also the chance that one will come into contact with people who will agree with them. The Same Experience One could find that these people also experience life in the same way and that they are angry about how they are treated. They could say that they are good and that the people who cause them harm are bad. Spending time with these people is not going to change one’s circumstances, but what it will do is validate what they are going through. This will give them a momentary relief and then they will soon be having the same experiences. Absolute It could then be said that this is going to be something that is black and white, with there being no reason to take a deeper look. If one was held accountable for how other people treat them, this would then be an example of ‘victim blaming’. However, this is not about pointing the finger and causing one to feel bad, it is about looking into why one is experiencing life in this way. As even though they are walked over by different people, they are the ones who show up each time. The Common Denominator It is then going to be in their best interest to reflect on their own behaviour and to look into what is taking place within them. A more direct approach might be for them to imagine what it would be like for them to stand their ground. If they were to do this, they may find that they end up experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety. What this can then show is that even though being walked over has a negative effect on their life it is what feels safe at a deeper level. A Closer Look There is the chance that their early years were a time when they were walked over by their caregiver/s. But as the years have passed, it would have caused them to disconnect from the reason why they are unable to stand their ground. As a result of this, it is to be expected that they would have seen themselves as victim; instead of being able to see that how people treat them in their adult years is no different to how they were treated whilst they were growing up. The years have passed but what took place when they were younger is still defining their life. Awareness If one was abused during their early years, there is the chance that they are carrying trauma. In order for them to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of reasons why one can have relationships that are not very fulfilling, and one can play a part is if they have the tendency to end up with people who are not available. So when they are in a relationship, it can be as if they are with someone who is not really there.
Something Is Missing It will be clear that the other person is physically there, but that is going to be about as far as it will go. What will stand out is the fact that the other person is not there emotionally; this part of them is going to be somewhere else. They will be able to share their body and their mind with them, but they won’t be able to share their heart. Their relationship will stay on one level and it won’t be possible for them to create a deeper connection. Another Experience There may have been times when they met someone who lived far away or while they were on holiday and the distance would then have been too much. The connection between them might have been strong, but it wouldn’t have possible for them to take it further. It can then be as though someone lives close and they are unable to commit to them, or they are able to commit but they live too far away. Based on this, if someone who lives far away swapped places with someone who doesn’t, their life would be different. Hopeless When one has only been with people who are not available, they might believe that this is how their life will always be. Each experience they have had will then have had a negative effect on them. Yet during the beginning of each relationship, part of them might have felt as though it would be different this time. This part of them will have played a big part in why were in this position to begin with; if it didn’t exist, they probably wouldn’t have taken this step. The Driver It could be said that this part of them will be fuelled by the part of them that has the desire to experience intimacy. No matter how many relationships they have that don’t go to plan, it is not going to cause this part of them to disappear. It might be covered up for a few months or even a few years, but it is still going to be there. And as it won’t simply disappear, it is easy to see why one would experience so much pain when they are unable to fulfil this need. One Option One could have a relationship where the other person is not available and then they could take step back. After they have had a break, they could end up getting back out there and the same process could take place all over again. When this happens, one is going to be doing the same thing and expecting a different result. What this can show is that one believes that this is something that is out of their control, and that their life will change when they meet the right person. More of the Same After a while, one may find that they are able to meet someone who is different; this will allow them to put what has happened in the past behind them. One could believe that their luck has changed. On the other hand, this might not take place, and this will mean that one will continue to suffer. It is then going to be vital for them to take a step back and to see why this is taking place. An Observer The trouble is that if one believes that this is something that just happens, it can stop them from being able to do this. One could say that there is no reason why they would choose to experience life in this way. Therefore, if they were encouraged to look into what part they are playing, they could say that they are being blamed. This is going to stop them from being able to see that this person is trying to assist them. Disconnected What this can show is that one is out of touch with their inner world, and this is why they see themselves being nothing more than an observer of what is taking place in this area of their life. If they were able to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, they may begin to understand why their life is the way it is. This could be a time when they will see that the reason they attract people who are available is because they fear intimacy. When they imagine meeting someone who is available, they might end up feeling smothered and as though they will lose themselves. A Deeper Look The reason they feel this way can be due to what happened when they were younger, and this may have been a time when one of their caregivers got too close to them. Their boundaries wouldn’t have been respected and this would have caused them to lose themselves. Through having these experiences, it would have been normal for them to form negative associations around getting close to others. Time would then have passed and one would have gradually lost touch with what is taking place within them. Destiny So as getting close to others was seen in a negative light and one lost touch with how they felt, it could be said that it is to be expected that they would attract (and be attracted to) people who are not available. Keeping people at bay will be what feels safe, and being safe will be far more important than their need to experience intimacy. If one lived in a world that encouraged self-awareness, there would be no reason for them to have experienced life in this way for so long. As this is not the case, what one experienced as a child will have defined their life for all these years. Awareness Fortunately, one is now in touch with what is taking place within them and this will give them the chance to change their life. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to think about their life, they may find that they have the need to be perfect in every area of it, or this might only apply to one area. When this is something that applies to all areas of their life, they are likely to experience a lot of pressure.
But when it doesn’t, they are still likely to experience a lot of stress in one area of their life. As a result of this, other areas of their life could end up being effected, and it is then going to be a challenge for them to relax. Their Career One could find that they have the need to be perfect when it comes to their profession, and this is going to mean that they are unable to make mistakes. It will be vital for them to come across as though they are always known what they are doing and that they have all the answers. Being at a lower level or at the bottom of the ladder, so to speak, won’t be good enough either; they will have to be right at the top. So if this is this isn’t the case, this is likely to be their priority. Two Parts It is then not going to be possible for one to let the people around them know that they are an imperfect human being; they will have to hide their true nature. The only thing that will be acceptable will be for them to come across as though they are an exceptional human being. Furthermore, they may have the need to maintain this image when they are around other people in their life. One will have to make sure that these people perceive them as being highly competent at what they do. The External Alternatively, one might spend a lot of time on their image, with this being something that they don’t overlook. It is not going to be enough for them to look good at certain times though, as they will need to look good all the time. A lot of their time, energy and money, is going to be spent on their appearance, and this could cause them to receive a lot of positive feedback from others. How they feel about themselves is going to be defined by how they look. One Option They are likely to believe that their value depends on how they look and, if they don’t look right, they will end up being rejected by others. So even though they will receive approval from people, they are not going to feel completely at ease. Beyond the facade that they present to the world is going to be someone who is living in fear, and this can then mean that they are used to experiencing a lot of anxiety. There will be what they believe will happen if they don’t look right, and there will be what they believe will happen to them as the years pass. A Big Problem As although they will have a certain mount of control when it comes to what they can do to their appearance, they are not going to be able to stop their body from getting older. It is then going to be even harder for them to get older, and they might do everything they can to try to stop this process from taking place. But as the western world is obsessed with beauty and youth, it is not going to be hard for them to find things that will assist them with this process. Ultimately, one is will be trying to delay the inevitable. A New Option Nowadays, the need to look perfect can also result in one joining a gym, and this can be a way for them to create the perfect body. And along with what they do in a gym, there can be what they will have to eat when they are not in one. Now, this is not to say that exercise will simply be another part of their life, as it will end up being so much more. Just about every other area of their life can end up fading into the background. The Answer One could believe that once their body looks how they want it to, they will be able to finally feel good about themselves. How they feel about themselves is going to be seen as something that will change through altering their physical appearance. And if one was to talk to other people about this, they are unlikely to encourage them to deal with how they feel. The reason for this is that not only is it not uncommon for people to take this route, but it is also not uncommon for people to avoid themselves. The Outcome So after pushing their body to the limits and being able to change how they look, they may find that they feel different about themselves. This could mean that they now have a figure that allows them to receive a lot of approval in the real world and online. At the same time, they may find that they still feel the same, even though they now look different. Still, what they could find is that through receiving so much positive feedback, it makes it easier for them to disconnect from how they feel. What’s going on? When one has the need to be perfect, it can show that they feel worthless, and this then stops them from being able to embrace the fact that they are an imperfect human being. Through feeling flawed, they will need to do everything they can to stop people from realising how bad they are. And through creating the impression that they are perfect, it will show that they have created a false-self. Due to how they feel, they will believe that they only have two options: either to feel as though they have no value, or to feel as though they have more value than anyone else. A New Start What this shows is that when one feels worthless, there is no middle ground; however, when one is able to embrace their inherent value, they will be able to move into the middle. They will no longer have the need to be perfect, or to see themselves as being better or worse than anyone else. This will give them the ability to accept themselves as they are and to longer feel as though their value depends on how they look or what they do. When one feels worthless, it is likely to be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame, and this can mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If woman was to focus on an area of her life that is not working, she may begin to think about how she is unable to find a man who is available. This could be how her life has been for a short while, or it may have been this was for as long as she can remember.
There is Hope When she can relate to the former, she may believe that her life will soon take a turn for the better. This could mean that she has been with a few men who haven’t been able to commit. Furthermore, she could be at the beginning of her life, and it will then be normal for her to believe that things will change as time passes. So if the years continue to pass and her life doesn’t change, her outlook might soon begin to change. The Same Position How she will feel could be the same as how a woman might feel if she can relate to the latter. Her life will have been this way for a long time, and she will have a met a number of different men who were unable to commit. This could show that this woman is not at the beginning of her life, and this could cause her to worry about if her life will always be this way. And if she doesn’t have children and she wants them, she might believe that she is not going to be able to fulfil this need. Looking Back If a woman was to look back on what these men were like when she met them, regardless of how long her life has been this way, she may find that there is a certain pattern that arises. So when she meets a man, he could come across as though he is ready to have a relationship. It could be as if this is a need that he hasn’t been able to fulfil for a very long time, if ever, as he could come across really strong. In the same way that a rubber band will spring forward when it is released; he might propel himself towards her. Fading Away But even though he may come across in this was way at first, it might not have been long until his behaviour changed. At one point in time he would have been red hot and, as time passed, he would have turned into ice. The interest would no longer have been there like it was before, or he might have completely disappeared. After having an experience like this, it may have caused her to think about if she had done something wrong. Too Kean During this time, she may have thought about if she came on too strong, and if it would be different if she had shown less interest. If this took place and she thought this was the case, she may have shown less interest the next time she met a man. Even so, she may have found that changing her behaviour hasn’t had much of an effect on this area of her life. The thing it may have changed is that it causes her to attract men who show even more interest during the early stages. Another Scenario There is also the chance that she has been with a least one man who was too close to his mother. This might not have stood out at first, but it may have become clear as the relationship developed. It might then have been apparent that he only had time for one woman, and this would have stopped him from being able to open his heart to another woman. She might latter have come to see that this was a man who was enmeshed to his mother. Just Out of Reach Another occasion may come to mind when she met a man whilst on holiday, or a man who lived miles away from her. It may have felt as though she had met the one, but the distance was too much. As a result, she may have experienced a lot of anger and spent a lot of time thinking about why he had to live so far away. Her ideal partner appeared, but he appeared in the wrong place, and even if he lived close, the relationship might have ended up going in the same direction as the others. One Outlook One way of looking at what this woman has experienced would be to say the she is just unlucky, and that there is nothing she can do. If her luck changes she will find the right person but, if it doesn’t, she won’t. And through being let down over and over again, she could believe that all men are the same. If she feel powerless and without hope, it could be said that it is not going to be much of a surprise. Stepping Back What she will find, if she thinks about every man she has been with, is that she is the common denominator. It is then going to be vital for her to look into why she would attract (and be attracted to) men who are unavailable. At first, she may say that this has got nothing to do with her, and that she wants to meet a man who is ready to commit to her. However, is she was to observe this response and not to get caught up in it; she may gradually begin to find out why her life is this way. A Deeper Look Through getting in touch with what is taking place in her body, she may find that she fears getting close to a man. If this was to take place, she may feel as though she will end up being smothered, and that she will lose herself. Along with this, she may believe that she doesn’t deserve to be with someone, and that she is unlovable. Also, she may feel as though she has to stay loyal to one of her caregivers, and that she would betray them if she has an intimate relationship. Awareness When it comes to what is taking place within her, it can be the result of what took place when she was younger. This may have been a time when she didn’t receive the kind of care that she needed in order to develop in the right way, perhaps one of her caregivers got too close to her. If a woman can relate to this and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to the difference between someone who values who they are and someone who doesn’t, there are number of things that can come to mind. What one could think about is how the former is not going to put up with bad behaviour.
Boundaries They are going to have the ability to say no when they don’t want to do something, and to walk away when this approach doesn’t work. There will be no reason for them to let other people walk over them. Through being this way, it is likely to mean that their relationships are life-affirming. It is then going to be possible for them to be themselves without having worrying about whether the people they are close to are going to try to violate them. A Door Mat But when someone doesn’t value themselves, they can say that they will put up with bad behaviour. It then won’t matter how other people treat them, as they won’t stand up for themselves. Their relationships are going to take a lot from them but they are not going to give them much back. These people are not going to accept the fact that they are a separate individual with their own needs and feelings. Drive In addition to having good boundaries, one could believe that the former is going to be highly motivated. Therefore, one is not going to put up with living a life that is not very fulfilling, and they will do whatever they can to fulfil their goals. This could mean that they have already achieved a certain level of success, or they may have only just started working towards something. Or, there may be a few areas of their life that are not how they would like them to be. Going Through the Motions Therefore, if one believes that this is how someone will behave if they value themselves, they are likely to believe that someone won’t be motivated if they don’t. At the same time, they could say that they might rarely have the desire to do anything. So if they do have a job that is not very fulfilling, they are not going to have the need to do anything about it. It can be as if they are nothing more than a passenger on the journey of life, as opposed to a participator. One Option As a result of this, it is clear to see that someone’s life is going to be far better when they value themselves. They will have the drive that they need to fulfil their needs, and there will be no reason for them to settle. It could then be said that this is something that is black and white, and that someone will need to value themselves in order to be motivated. However, while this might appear to be the case, there is more to it than meets the eye. An Adaption What this comes down to is that even if someone is highly motivated, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they value themselves. But as being highly motivated is often seen as a sign that someone does, it can stop one from being able to realise this. Ultimately, this can be a way for someone to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. Through achieving things, they are going to believe that it will allow them to change what is taking place within them. Movement There will be the effect achieving something will have on how they feel, and there will be the effect taking action will have on them. As if they were to sit still and not to do anything, they might soon have to face how they feel. So through always being on the move, so to speak, it will allow them to keep what is taking place within them at bay. And through taking action, it will give them a sense of being in control of their life. The Fuel If they were to sit still and to face how they feel, they may end up feeling completely worthless. This is likely to be a time when their whole being will be consumed by toxic shame. If they don’t anything, they are going feel as though they have no value, but if they do something, they will be able to feel good about themselves. One’s value is not going to be based on who they are; it will be based on what they do. Emotional Regulation Thus, it is not that they want to achieve anything per se; it is that they simply want to change how they feel. So no matter what they achieve, it could be said that it is nothing more than a means to an end. This is going to be the reason why they will want to achieve something else as soon as they have achieved something. If they were to let go and to enjoy what they have achieved, they might soon have to face how they feel at a deeper level. A New Experience There could come a time in their life when they are no longer willing to run away from how they feel, and this could cause them to reach out for external support. Through facing what is taking place within them and letting it go, they may no longer be as driven as they were before. Instead of being a human doing, they will be able to be a human being, perhaps for the first time in their life. And even though they are not doing as much, they may find they are able to achieve far more. Awareness What interested them in the past might no longer interest them, and this could cause them to go down a completely different path. Or, they might continue to do the same thing, but have moments when they relax and just be. When someone feels worthless, it can mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. When it comes to external support, this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|