In today’s world, it could be said that more people exercise than ever before; with people of all ages doing something to keep in shape. Still, there is no denying the fact that there are still plenty of people who are not in shape.
Two Parts As although there are a number of different ways to get in shape; there is also no limit to the amount of unhealthy food that is available. This is why self-control is so important when it comes to having a healthy body. If one has self-control, it is going to be a lot easier for them to stick to a certain routine and to avoid the foods that are not good for them. This is likely to be something that they would hear from a professional athlete. The Right Approach Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that one needs to behave in the same way as an athlete if they want to work on their fitness. They will need to be careful when it comes to what they eat, but they won’t need to be as strict. As a result of this, it will be a lot easier for them to stick to a certain routine, and this is because they will be able to integrate it into their life. If, on the other hand, they were to start a routine that expects far more form them, they may find that they are unable to stick to it. Starting Off The alternative would be for them to start with a fairly simple routine and then to gradually phase in one that is more complex. This would then give them the chance to get used to cutting things out and, at this point, they might see the benefits of doing so. Through seeing how this has had an impact on them, it will give them another reason to carry on doing the same thing. It is all going to depend on what it is that they want to achieve; they might be happy with what they have achieved so far. The Main Reason If one just wants to improve their fitness levels, there will be no reason for exercise to take over their life. They can do something a few times a week and carry on with the rest of their life when they are not exercising. However, if one wants to build muscle, this might need to be something that will become a big part of their life. There will be what they will need to do in the gym, and there will be what they need to eat, the amount of hour’s sleep they need, and what they will need to avoid. No Limit Fortunately, if one needs help, it is not going to be difficult for them to find out about what they need to do. The internet is full on information on how someone can improve their fitness or gain muscle, for instance. So if one doesn’t know what do, the only thing they will need to do is to go to a search engine and enter their question. If it doesn’t bring back the answer they expected, they can simply type in something else. Positive Feedback Once one starts to experience results, they could end up being treated differently by the people around them. They could talk about how slim they look, or they could say they look bigger or more toned. Through hearing these kinds of responses, it might make it easier for them to stay on track. One could find that even though it is good to hear this kind of feedback, it’s not the main reason why they exercise, or it could be the main reason why they do it. One Step Further Yet, while exercise can simply be another pert of one’s life, it can also end up becoming so much more. When this happens, one could find it hard to give their body a rest, and this is likely to cause them to overdo it. There will be the effect it has on them in the short-term, and there will be the effect it has on them in the long-term. There can be the little injuries they pick up and their whole body could end up suffering as time goes by. Point of Focus What this can show is that one is not interested in what they are doing to their body; the only thing they are interested in is forcing their body to look different. Therefore, as time goes by, they might end up with an appearance that they are pleased with. But even though one is harming themselves in this way, there is going to be no reason for them to realise this. This partly comes down to the fact that exercise is generally seen as something positive. Other Reasons There will be plenty of people who will give them positive feedback, and they can tell them how good they look. And as one will be able to feel good through exercising, it can make it harder for them to tune into why they are behaving in this way. One may have moments when they are pleased with how they look and moments when they feel completely dissatisfied with their appearance. There is then the chance that no matter what they look like, it won’t be possible for them to accept themselves. A Closer Look If they were to get in touch with what how they feel at a deeper level, they may find that they feel worthless. One is then going to be in a position where they hate themselves, and exercising will be a socially acceptable way for them to abuse their body. When one feels this way about themselves, it won’t matter what their body looks like as it won’t change how they feel at a deeper level, and this is then why they won’t be able to take a step back from exercising. Through being addicted to it, it will limit the amount of exposure they have to have with their true feelings. Awareness It has been said that moderation is the key, and this is something that clearly applies to exercise. Once one no longer feels worthless, they will no longer need to harm their body, and this is going to have a positive effect on every area of their life. What this can show is that one was abused and/or neglected during their early years, and this would have set them up to experienced toxic shame, amongst other things. In order for them to heal themselves, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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There is the chance that if someone is in to self-development, it is because of the law of attraction. Through finding out about this so-called law, it would then have meant that this ended up being an important part of their life.
One thing leads To Another It is then the same as how someone can find out about a one product and before long; they can end up using other products from the same brand. In the beginning, they may have just been curious about how this will affect their life. But as time passes, this product, as well as many others, would have become a vital part of their life. One can then be in a position where this law has become a big part of their life, or they may say that they are simply working with a law that has always existed. Another Route Alternatively, one may have been into self-development for a little while and, this may have caused them to find out about the law of attraction. It could then be said that it was inevitable that this would happen. This partly comes down to the fact that this is something that has permeated this industry. Due to this, it would be a challenge for one to be into this area and not to find out about it. Another Angle Having said that, even if one hasn’t heard about the law of attraction, it doesn’t mean that they haven’t been exposed to it indirectly. What this comes down to is that so much of the material that is available has been influenced by it. So, one could read a book that doesn’t mention this law, but it could still have talked about how their thoughts create their life. Thus, if another person was to talk about what this law is all about, they would soon know what they are talking about. A Match Based on this, in order for one to attract something into their life, they will need to have the right thoughts. In addition to the effect their thoughts have, there will also be how their life is affected by what they focus on. It is then going to be necessary for them to make sure that they have positive thoughts, as this will allow them to raise their ‘vibration’. What is taking place in their mind will then be mirrored in their external world. On Board After hearing about this, one may have found this is how they live their life already; with this being something that they believe in. This could be a sign that their life is going how they would like it to go. Yet, if one heard about this law for the first time, there may have been a number of things in their life that were not going as they would like them to. And, through applying what they learnt, their life may have changed dramatically. Passing It On But before they changed what was taking place in their mind, they may have told a number of other people about it. Some of these people may have been open to it, while others may have dismissed what they said. Still, this wouldn’t have stopped them from doing what they could to achieve whatever is was that they wanted to achieve. There could also be a number of things that they are still working towards. Another Outcome On the other hand, one may have found that it hasn’t been possible for them to change their life, or that a certain area hasn’t changed. As a result of this, they may have reached out for external support; this could have been from a friend or coach, for instance. This could be a time when one will find out that there have been moments when they haven’t focused on the right things. Through their assistance, one may soon find that they are able to move forward. The Same Old Story At the same time, this might not have much of an effect on their life, and they could find that their life gets even worse. One is then going to be doing all the ‘right’ things, but their life is not going to change. They could start to wonder if there is more to it and if it is not just their thoughts that control their life. This might not take place though, and one could end up blaming themselves for what is taking place. Shaming It might not stop there though, as other people could also end up blaming them for what they are going through. No matter what is going on for them, these people could say that one ‘attracted’ it into their life. Therefore, if one is in a relationship where the other person abuses them or if they are ill, it shows that they were having too many ‘negative’ thoughts. And how the only way their circumstances will change is if they raise their vibration. A lack of Empathy What they are going through is likely to cause then to experience pain, and this pain can then increase through being told that they are at fault. Ironically, it could be said that these people are going to be lowering their vibration in order make one feel bad about what they are going through. This is going to be a time when one needs people to empathise with what they are going through, not to make their life even harder. Perhaps one is not doing anything wrong; they might just need to look a little deeper. A Surface Level Understanding What this comes down to is that it is not just what is taking place in their mind that has an effect on their life; it is also what is taking place in their body. One could be completely out of touch with what is taking place here, but it will still have an effect on their life. This can relate to emotional pain that has build-up through their life and to trauma they experienced when they were younger. There is also the chance that they have the need to stay loyal to their ancestors, and this is going to stop them from creating their own life. Awareness Ultimately, this is not something that is black and white; there are a number of factors involved. And when it comes to what one wants to attract, it can be due to the trauma they are carrying. Ergo, when they heal the trauma that is within them, they may find that they no longer have the same goals. As they will feel different on the inside, they will no longer need to change how they feel through achieving things. If one is carrying trauma and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While one will come into contact with people who will take their energy, they are also going to come into contact with people who won’t. And it could be said that the ideal will be for them to spend more time around the latter than the former.
How Life is When this is how one experiences life, they are generally going to spend time around people who have positive effect on them. There will be what these people bring to their life and there will be what one brings to their life. These relationships are going to be based on give and take, as opposed to simply taking from others or giving to others. As a result of this, this area of their life is likely to be in balance. Imperfect Still, this doesn’t mean that an equal exchange will take place every time they see someone they are close to. There are likely to be moments when they give more, and moments when they receive more. But overall, these people will meet some of their needs and one will meet some of their needs. What this comes down to is that it is not going to be possible for these people to meet all of their needs, or for one to meet every need that another person has. A Small Part Ultimately, there will be a lot of needs that one will need to meet for themselves. If they were to rely on other people to meet all of their needs, it would end up causing them a lot of problems. In this case, one would be behaving more like a dependent human being than an interdependent human being. The people in their life would be seen as being more like their parents than their friends. Responsibility When one is accountable for their own needs, it will be a lot easier for them to get them met, and this is because they won’t look towards a few people to meet them. For example, if they want to achieve something, they will take the initiative. The alterative would be for them to expect one of their friends to make something happen for them. One would then be giving their power away, and this might stop them from achieving something. Both Ways In addition to this, the people they are close to will also realise that there is only so much that one can do for them. This will mean that one will do what they can for them, but they won’t be expected to solve their problems or to save them, for instance. One is going to have good boundaries and the people around them also will, and this is going to allow this area of their life to nourish them. And as they have good boundaries, it can also show that they are in touch with how they feel. Connected The reason for this is that having boundaries will allow them to feel safe and, through feeling safe, there will be able to listen to what is taking place within them. What is taking place within them is then going to have a big effect on their behaviour and how they lead their life in general. Through being in touch with what is taking place within them, it will make it a lot easier for them to spend time around the right people. This is going to be one of the reasons why they have people like this in their life already. The Other Part What will also play a part here is that one is likely to value themselves, and this will stop them from putting up with bad behaviour. So, if they were to come into contact with someone who had a negative effect on them, they would feel uncomfortable, and this would cause them to take action. Their own wellbeing is going to be their priority, and it is going to be in their best interest to put themselves first. If they tolerated what was taking place and allowed them to drain their energy, it is only going to cause them harm. Another Reality But although there will be people who experience life in this way, there will be others who don’t. Due to this, they could be used to being around people who squeeze all the goodness out of them, so to speak. One could find that they feel drained when they are around them, and that they feel just as bad when they are not in their presence. Yet, as soon as they begin to feel better, they might soon be around someone who drains them. Emotionally Disconnected However, even though one will be used to feeling drained, it doesn’t mean that they are aware of what is taking place in their body. Or, if they do have moments when they are aware of what is taking place, they might not listen to the information what is within them. And through experiencing life in this way, it is going to make it a lot harder for them to tell if another person is toxic. The guidance they need will be in their body, but they won’t listen to it. What’s going on? What this can show is that one is carrying a lot of pain in their body, and this is why they are living on the surface of themselves. The downside is that even though this stops them from having to be overwhelmed by the emotional pain and/or trauma that is in their body, it sets them up to be an easy target. Their ability to know if someone is right for them is offline, and it could be said that one is nothing more than a sitting duck. Therefore, the sooner this changes the better their life will be. Awareness When one has disconnected from their body, it can be the result of what they have experienced in their adult life, or it could be due to what happened when they were younger. Along with dealing with what they are carrying in their body, they may need to embrace their inherent value and to develop boundaries. This is not say that this is a separate process though, as when they let go of the pain that is within them everything else can fall into place. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If a man was to do something wrong, he might end up being criticised for what he has done. It could then be said that the reason he is being criticised is due to what he has done, as opposed to the fact that he is a man.
Part of Life One way of looking at this would be to say that this is how it should be; he is a human being after all. Like all men, he is not perfect, and this is why he is going to make mistakes from time to time. And if this man was to think about what has just taken place, he may see that this is not the first time this has taken place. In fact, this could be something that he is used to, and he could expect to be criticised more in the future. Two Sides On one side, this is something that he will experience when he has done something wrong, and on the other, it will happen when someone has something against him. Based on this, it will be constructive or it will be destructive. Thus, there will be moments when it will have the potential to improve his life, and there will be moments when it doesn’t. But even if it is aimed at having a negative effect on him, it doesn’t mean that this will take place. Focus Instead, he could let what has been said wash over him and carry on with the rest of his life. He could realise that life is short and that there is no point in getting too caught up with people who try to pull him down. Through being this way, it will make it a lot easier for him to stay on track and to use his time and energy wisely. The alternative would be for him to get thrown off track by just about everything that other people say. A Waste It is then not going to be a lot harder for him to stay on track and to achieve what he needs to achieve. What other people say to him is going to define his life, and this is going to stop him from living life on his terms. So instead of being a large ship on the ocean that can handle just about anything that happens; he will be nothing more than small boat that is constantly being tossed around. No matter how small something is, it is likely to have a negative effect on him. Purpose What this emphasises is how important it is for a man to have a strong sense of purpose, as it will stop him from getting caught up in trivial matters. There will be what matters and there will be what doesn’t. This is similar to how if one was walking towards a light, the light would be the primary focus. Everything else that comes across their path as they walk towards this light is going to fade into the background. An Unlikely Scenario But if a man was to get worked up after he was criticised and to say that the other person is a misandrist, it is highly unlikely that he would be taken seriously. For one thing, this is a word that very few people understand. What he said might end up being pushed aside by both men and women, and he would then have to get on with the rest of his life. If he said something like this from time-to-time it, might have some truth to it; but if this is what he says every time he is criticised, this might not be the case. The Other Side Yet, if a woman was to say that someone is a misogynist after being criticised, it is likely to be taken far more seriously. And it might not matter if this person is man or woman, as it can still apply. Other woman could agree with everything this woman says, and there could be plenty of men who are there to offer their support. If anyone disagrees with this outlook, they could also be labelled as misogynist. Tunnel Vision As far as this woman is concerned, there is only going to be one way of looking at what has taken place. Ultimately, this will be something that is black and white, and it won’t matter if what they believe actually matches up with reality. Therefore, it is irrelevant as to whether someone is a man or woman, as they are not going to be exempt from being labelled in this way. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is a sign that this woman is caught up with what is taking place within her. Disconnected Through being so consumed with what she believes, it stops her from being able to engage with the world. This is then no different to how someone who is paranoid believes that everyone is looking at them; their outlook is the truth and that’s all there is to it. So through projecting what is taking place within them onto others and being unable to take in what is actually taking place, it stop them from being able to face reality. Her own issues end up being assigned to other people. Beyond Reproach This is also likely to show that she sees herself as being completely perfect, and this is then why someone is labelled as a misogynist for criticising her. Said another way, if she was capable of making a mistake it would be different. But as she isn’t, the only reason why anyone would criticise her is because they hate women. What this can show is that this woman has a false sense of her own importance, lacks self-awareness, finds it hard to empathise with others, and that it is difficult for her to take responsibility. Conclusion Does this mean that misogyny doesn’t exist? No, what it means is that woman, just like men, are imperfect. Making mistakes is part of life, and so this is not something that anyone needs to be ashamed of. If someone finds it hard to accept this and has the need to always be perfect, it can be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. Through carrying this, it can cause them to competently disconnect from their shame and to see themselves as being more-than others. The reason why they would be carrying toxic shame can be due to what happened when they were younger, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. In order to handle these trauma experiences, it would have been necessary for them to develop a false-self. If someone can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of reasons as to why people use social media, and it could be said that one of the mains reasons is for them to talk to their friends. This is something that a lot of people are going to come out with.
In addition to this, there are likely to be people who primarily use it to connect with people for their business. This will be a way for them to find new clients and to maintain the attention of existing clients. Two Levels But while some people are going to be in touch with the reasons why they use social media, there are likely to be others who aren’t. Now, this is not to say that they won’t be able to go over some of the reasons why they use it. What it comes down to is that they might not be aware of all the reasons as to why they use social media. For example, if someone like this was asked, they could say that they use it to talk to their friends; when in reality, this might be a way for them to receive attention. A Number of Uses This shows that not everyone who uses social media is interested in speaking to their ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. In this case, the more ‘friends’ or ‘followers’ they have, the more attention they will be able to receive. When someone is not fully aware of why they use social media, it might be because they are not willing to be honest with themselves. And as result of this, it is going to be normal for them to lie to others. Another Factor At the same time, someone might be in touch with why they use social media, but it doesn’t mean they will want to let other people know. They could believe that other people would judge then if they knew that they only used it for attention. Out of their need to protect their image, it is then going to be vital for them to keep this to themselves. Even so, it is not going to be hard for some people to realise why they use social media. The Norm Yet, as so many people use social media to receive attention, there is going to be no reason for one to take a step back and to reflect on their behaviour. If one drank a lot of alcohol each day, for example, and they only spent time around people who did the same thing, they could believe that their behaviour is perfectly normal. In both of these cases, one will be doing something that is no different to what a lot of other people are doing. Having said that, there is clearly a difference between being an alcoholic and needing attention on social media. Paying a Price This is something that can be denied, but there are still going to be consequences even though one is doing something that is seemingly harmless. What can stop someone from realising this is that it can take a while for them to arise. Also, through having such a strong need to receive attention and through receiving attention, it can stop them from being able to think clearly. And it is not going to matter if someone is male or female, as both sexes can have the need to receive a lot of attention online. A Difference However, if someone was to have a look through a number of different social media sites, they may find that there are a lot of women who have a strong need for attention. While some women will do this by uploading pictures of what they have been doing, there are others who will upload pictures of their face and body. As a result of this, a woman can receive a lot of attention without even needing to be around anyone else. And through being able to find the right angle and edit a picture before it is uploaded, it can allow her to maximise her appearance. Two Sides There are going to be the women who are classed as attractive regardless of what they do to their pictures, and they will be used to receiving attention in the real world. On the other side, there will be others who rely on technology, and they might not receive as much attention when they are offline. But no matter how much attention a woman receives offline; it is likely to pale in comparison to the kind of attention she will receive online. The people who give her attention will be behind a screen, and this is going to make it easier for them to speak their mind. Effortless There will be comments, ‘likes’ and messages, and a woman can end up receiving all kinds of offers. And the only thing a woman will have done to receive this kind of attention is to upload different pictures. It is then not as is she has worked hard to look a certain way; she was simply born this way. If she has worked hard to attain a certain figure, it may allow her to receive more attention; but even if this wasn’t the case and she was just slim, for instance, it’s not as if she would end being ignored. The Centre of the Universe So through receiving all this attention, it is naturally going to have a positive effect on how she feels about herself. This doesn’t mean that it will go to her head though, she might be only to aware of the fact that she is no better or worse than anyone else. Alternatively, the complete opposite could take place, and she could gradually develop a superiority complex. Thus, she can come to believe that she is more important than other people. Deluded One way of looking at this would be to say that this is not much of a surprise; especially as she is constantly receiving positive feedback from men. If these men didn’t behave in this way, there would be no reason for her to have a false sense of importance. But while there is the effect these people are having on her, there is also what caused her to need this amount attention in the first place. What this could show is that she didn’t have a strong sense of self and felt worthless, and this is what pulled her in. Two Extremes She then has two options: to feel as though she is more-than others or to feel as though she is less-than others. It is then not possible for her to feel good about herself without comparing herself with others. There will come a time when she is no longer able to receive the same amount of attention, but before that even takes places, there is going to be the effect her false-self will have on her life. For one thing, it might be a challenge for her to have deep and authentic relationships with others. Conclusion Ultimately, how she feels about herself is going to be defined by the feedback that she gets online. She is then giving her power away to people she doesn’t even know, and this is not exactly a recipe to mental and emotional stability. If a woman can relate to this, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This will give her the chance to let go of her false-self and to gradually embrace her inherent value.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although a woman can have the desire to be in a relationship that is healthy, it doesn’t mean that this will take place. Instead, she can end up with a man who is the complete opposite of the person she had in mind.
Moving On As a result of this, this area of her life is not going to have a positive effect on her, and it could end up having a negative effect on every other area of her life. Still, this doesn’t mean that she will end the relationship. She could continue to stay with him, and this is likely to mean that her life will end up getting even worse. Alternatively, she could decide to end the relationship, and this will give her the chance to feel better about herself. A One-Off If this is something that has only taken place once, it might be easier for her to move on with her life. She could believe that this was something that just happened and that it will be different next time. What this could show is that she has had relationships in the past that were different. It is then not going to be something she has experienced on a number of occasions, and so there will be no reason for her to get too caught up with what has just happened. Having a Break Now that the relationship has come to an end, it can give her the chance to get over what she has just been through. Through taking this approach, there will be no reason for her to have a rebound relationship. If she was to start a new relationship straight after, it might simply be a way for her to avoid how she feels. The other person will allow her to disconnect from how she truly feels, but that doesn’t mean that he will be a good match for her. Fast Food For example, if someone was hungry, they can end up eating just about anything they come across. Yet, if they were not as hungry, they might take the time to only eat things that are healthy. And when it comes to starting a new relationship, it is going to be a lot easier for a woman to see if another person is a good match if she is not trying to run away from herself. It can be a lot harder to her to face how she feels, but it will make it easier for her to choose someone who is right for her. External Support Now, this is not to say that she will need to face how she feels by herself; as there is plenty support available. One of the reasons why a woman wouldn’t face how she feels is because it is too painful. It is then not that she consciously chooses to start a new relationship; it is that this is something that happens without her even thinking about it. Alternatively, this might be something that happens consciously. Another Experience However, if a woman has just left an abusive relationship and this is not the first one she has had, it might be a lot harder for her to move on. She might start to think about if this is how her life will always be. This can then be seen as something that she simply has to put up with, with their being no way for her to change her circumstances. Perhaps this was the second time she had been in an abusive relationship, or it might have taken place a number of times. The Outcome When this is something she has experienced a number of times, she might see herself as a victim. What takes place in this area of her life is going to be out of her control, and it will be down to men to change. As far as she is concerned, all men could be the same, and it is then going to be normal for her to feel powerless. There can then be two choices: either she stays single, or she has a relationship with someone who will abuse her. The Common Denominator Nevertheless, if she was able to take a step back, she would see that she is the person who shows up each time. It is the not that she just happens to end up with men who are abusive; it is that she chooses men who are abusive. This is not to say that this is something that takes place consciously, as it is likely to happen unconsciously. At a deeper level, there is a strong chance that being with a man who is abusive is what feels comfortable. A Deeper Look The reason this feels comfortable can be due to what took place when she was younger, and this may have been a time when she were abused by her caregiver/s. Through being treated in this way, it wouldn’t have been possible for her to develop in the right way. This would have stopped her from being able to develop boundaries and it would have caused her to feel worthless, amongst other things. The years would then have passed but what took place all those years ago will still be defining her life. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give her the chance to work through what is taking place within her and to gradually attract (and to be attract to) a man who is different.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one can stand their ground, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle life. The reason for this is that they will know that they have the ability to say no when they need to, and to walk away from a situation that isn’t good for them.
Drawing the Line Therefore, if they were asked to do something that wasn’t in their best interest, there will be no reason for them to go along with it. Speaking up can be something that just takes place naturally, without them needing to think about it. And if they were to walk away, it could take place after they have thought about what would be the best thing for them to do. Or, they may have spoken up and found that nothing has happened. Taking Action So, regardless of what approach one takes, it will show that they are not willing to simply sit around and to go along with what the other person wants. Instead, this will be a time when they are aware of their own needs and feelings. What is taking place within them will play a big part in how they behave, and it could be said that this will be the ideal. After all, it is not always going to be possible for other people to know what is or what isn’t right for them. Two Sides On one side, there will be the people who will try to walk over them and on the other side; there will be people who are not interested in doing so. However, if one didn’t have the ability to stand their ground, someone could walk over them even if that’s not their intention. What this shows is how important it is for one to let other people know if something isn’t right for them. Through being able to do this, it will stop the people who value them from causing them problems. Protection When one has boundaries, it will allow them to express their true-self, and this is going to stop them from having to play a role. Now, there may be moments when this takes place, but it won’t be something they are accustomed to. One is not only going to be in touch with their needs and feelings, they will also feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. And as they feel comfortable doing so, it will be normal for them to behave in this way. Drama Free Naturally, this is going to save them a lot of drama, and this will allow them to use their time and energy in more productive ways. As soon as a problem arises, they will be able to do something about it, or if it this doesn’t take place, it might not be long until it is dealt with. As a result of this, their relationship are going to be far more fulfilling that they would be if this wasn’t the case. The people they are close to are going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Two Ways There is then going to be how they behave and how the people around them respond to them. Through being around people who are not interested in walking over them, it will give them the support that they need to continue to behave in the same way. Thus, in the same way that one will be nourished by the food they eat, they will be nourished by the people they spend time with. This comes down to the fact that one is an independent human being. A Different Reality But while there are going to be plenty of people on this planet who experience life in this way, there are going to be others who don’t. Consequently, they are going to be used to being walked over by others. If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for as long as they can remember. It is then now how they are experiencing life; it is just how life is. A Victim One could believe that other people are out to cause them harm, and that there is nothing that they can do about it. It is then not going to be much of a surprise if one feels completely powerless. This could cause them to avoid others when they can, and this may mean that they spend a lot of time by themselves. But when they spend time with others, they are going to be used to feeling like a door mat. All Areas When they are at work, there is going to be how their colleagues treat them, and this could be a time when they are not given the respect they feel they deserve. Along with this, there will be how their friends and family treat them, and they might treat them ever worse. And if they are in an intimate relationship, they could be with someone who takes advantage of them. Being with this person is going to wear them down, and they might think about what it would be like for them to be with someone who appreciates them. A Deeper Look Even though one can see themselves as a victim, it doesn’t mean that this is the complete truth. What is clear is that in each situation they have where they are walked over there is a perpetrator and a victim. Yet, even though the person who walks over them is different, they are the person who shows up each time. So as they are the common denominator, it shows that they are not simply an observer of what is taking place. The Cause If one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that this is what feels comfortable. The only way their life is going to change is if this is something that no longer feels comfortable. And the reason being walked over can feel comfortable can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. The Outcome Through being treated in this way, they would have come to feel worthless, and it would have caused them to disconnect from their aggression. So not only will one feel as though they deserve to be walked over, they will also be out of touch with the energy that they need to stand their ground. If, on the other hand, one valued themselves and they were in touch with their aggression, there would be no reason for them to behave in this way. They would realise that something isn’t right and they would action. Awareness There is the chance that one is carrying trauma, and this will need to be dealt with in order for them to have boundaries. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to find out that someone isn’t in a relationship, it might not surprise them, and this could come down to the fact that they are not physically attractive. On the other hand, if they were attractive, it might be hard for them to understand why this is the case.
One Outlook It would be easy to say that one would need to be a shallow human being to see life in this way. This comes down to the fact that they are basing their value on what they look like, as opposed to what they are like as a person. How this person treats others and what they stand for is then irrelevant; the only thing that matters is the face and body they have inherited. Or if they were not born this way, it could be a sign that they have had plastic surgery, for instance. Two Parts As a result of this, it could be said that it would be better for one to no longer base another person’s value on what they look like, and to pay attention to what they are like as a person. After all, it it’s not as if the majority of people who are attractive have had to do anything to look good, but if someone has a good personality, this will have taken a certain amount of effort. One could then meet someone who is attractive and single, and they could let it go over their head. Alternatively, they could meet someone is not physically attractive and single, and they could be surprised. Denial If one was to do this, they would have to go against their own nature, and this would cause them to experience conflict. The reason for this is that human beings are drawn to beauty, and this is not something that can be changed. For example, the reason men are drawn to younger woman and women with a certain body shape is that they are showing signs of fertility. Therefore, it is not that they are ‘shallow’; it is that they want to a woman who will be able to produce healthy offspring. A Number of Reasons So when a man is with someone who is physically attractive, it is going to make him feel good and there is a strong chance that his children will be healthy. It could be said that the first part has to exist in order for him to want to engage in the second part. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is nature’s way of getting a man to reproduce. Still, it would be inaccurate to say that men are the only ones who care about how someone looks, as women are just the same. Creating the Right image If one had the need to please others and to come across as ‘progressive’, for instance, they could tell themselves and others that looks don’t matter. But if they were to have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be drawn to people who are physically attractive. Due to this, they could end up saying one thing and behaving in a way that is the complete opposite. However, there is what one will be drawn to and then there is the kind of person who they will be able to attract. Reality Thus, even though one might be drawn to man/woman who looks a certain way, it doesn’t mean that they will be end up attracting them. There can be a number of reason as to why this is the case. For one thing, they might not value themselves, and this can cause them to settle for people who they are not really attracted to. Also, one might not be in the best of shape, and this is can make it harder for them to attract the kind of person they desire. A Shock So with all this in mind, it is easy to see why one would be surprised if they were to come across someone who is attractive and single. But even though someone is physically attractive, it doesn’t mean that they are perfect. At the end of the day, they are still going to have issues like everyone else, and this is something that needs to be kept in mind. Yet, with that aside for the time being, there are a number of reasons as to why they would be single. The Common Reasons What this could show is that this is someone who has only just broken up with another person. This could then be a time when they are happy to spend time by themselves and to focus on other areas of their life. Alternatively, they might not have the time to be in a relationship at this point in their life, and this might show that they are focusing on their career. Either way, being in a relationship is not going to interest them. Another Factor At the same time, there is the chance that one doesn’t value themselves, and this may have caused them to attract the wrong types of people. This can make them wonder if they will ever be able to trust anyone again. Through being this way, they can either attract people who treat them badly, or they can end up with people who are ‘nice’. This is then going to cause them to be walked over by another person or they will walk over someone else, and neither of these options is going to be very fulfilling. Self-Centred There is also the chance that one is caught up with their own needs and feelings, and this is going to stop them from being able to have a relationship. If they were with someone, it is not going to be possible for them to extend themselves and to bridge the gap, so to speak. One is going to look right, but they are not going to have the ability to fulfil another person’s needs. But while this will cause them to push healthy people away, there are still going to be people who don’t value themselves who will put up with this kind of behaviour. Awareness What this emphasises is that even if someone is attractive it doesn’t mean that they will be able to have a fulfilling relationship. In order for this to take place, they will need to value themselves and to have the ability to empathise with others. If one is attractive and they find it hard to attract the right person, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to think about something in their life that they have been doing for a little while, they may find that it doesn’t take much effort for them to understand why they do it. This could be a time when one will think about their job, for instance.
Two Reasons One may come to see that they do this because they need the money, or they may find that it’s something that brings them a lot of fulfilment. When it relates to the former, one would probably do something else if they didn’t need the money. On the other hand, if it relates to the latter, one might still do it even if they were not getting paid to do it. Doing something just for the money is likely to have a negative effect on one’s wellbeing; whereas when one gets paid to do something they enjoy, it is bound to have a positive effect on them. Other Areas In addition to what they do when it comes to making a living, they could think about the kinds of things they do in their spare time. This could be a time when one will engage in a number of different hobbies. A few times each week, one may go to a gym or spend time doing another kind of exercise. Once again, this could be something that they do to please themselves; it is not something they do to please others. In Touch As one lives their life in this way, it is going to show that they are aware of their needs and feelings. It is then through having this connection that they are able to do things that matter to them. Along with the connection that they have with themselves, they are also going to feel safe enough to pay attention to the information that is within them. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have firm foundations. A Building For example, in order to build a strong house, it will be vital for the foundations to be laid down first. Once this has taken place, it will be possible for everything else to be built on top. In the same way, if one has strong foundations, it will allow them to build a life that is worth living. It will be a life that reflects who they are, and this will cause them to feel as though they are on the right track. In The Past But even though one is experiencing life in this way, it doesn’t mean that this is how it has always been for them; there may have been a time when they were out of touch with themselves. Something may have happened to them that woke them up, or it might have been the result of a number of different experiences that gradually caused them to take a step back. Either way, there would have been a time when they were no longer willing to experience life in this way. A Different Experience It could then be said that one would have gone from having a false-self to gradually able to fully embrace their true-self. As a result of this, what they were doing before might have no longer interested them, or there may have been a few things that still interested them. But as one was wearing a mask, it is to be expected that they will be drawn to different things. They may also find that they no longer spend time with the same people. Another Reality However, while this will be how some people experience life, there are going to be others who have a different experience. One could then have a few things in their life that they do to impress others, or their whole life could be based around this. Due to this, one could be in a position where they are completely out of touch with their own needs and feelings. Or if they are aware of what is taking place within them, they are rarely going to pay attention to it. An Act But even though one is not going to be fulfilling their own needs, it doesn’t mean that they will come across as though they are unhappy. There could be plenty of people who see them as someone who has it all together. Perhaps one has been able to achieve a certain level of success, and this is going to cause them to gain a certain amount of approval. Still, if they stopped receiving approval from others, they might soon come crashing down. Empty This is not to say that they will always feel good about themselves even when they do receive approval, as there is likely to be moments when they get in touch with their true feelings. During this time, they could end up feeling down, and they could see themselves as a fraud. At a deeper level, there is the chance that one feels worthless, and this is why they have such a strong need to impress others. So if they can impress others they will feel good about themselves and, if they don’t, they will end up hitting rock bottom. A Deeper Look When one is out of touch with their inherent value, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. Through being treated in this way, it would have caused them to experience toxic shame and to lose touch with their true-self. One would then have had to create a false-self in order to survive. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one goes on a date, they may find that they are able to be themselves, and this is going to show that they feel comfortable in their own skin. Therefore, even if they are at a point in their life where they want to be with someone, they are not going to come across as being needy.
The Ideal And as this is likely to be a time when they will get to know each other, it could be said that this is going to be the best way for them to behave. This will give the other person the chance to see if one is right for them. How one comes across is going to be in alignment with who they really are, as opposed to an act that they put on to impress people. If the other person responds to them in a positive manner, it can allow them to go to the next stage. Two Ways But if it doesn’t go any further, it could be a sign that one didn’t have a good impression of the other person. There might have been something about them that put them off, or they might have just felt as though something wasn’t right. However, if they both enjoyed spending time with each other, it might not be long until they get together again. One might wonder if the other person will behave in the same way the next time they see them. Another Part And as they are not needy, they may find that they are able to stand their ground when they are around them. As a result of this, they are not going to go along with things that don’t interest them, or to put up with bad behaviour. Through being this way, the other person is likely to realise that one respects themselves, and this could cause them to respect them even more. If one agrees to do something, it will be because they want to do it. Speaking Up In addition to this, if the person they are with treats them in a way that is not acceptable, they might speak up. During this time, one will draw the line and let them know that they are not willing to put up with what is taking place. Still, if one has met someone who also has good boundaries, they are less likely to walk over them. But even though someone might not want to walk over them, it doesn’t mean that this won’t take place, and this is why it is so important for one to be able to stand their ground. A Different Experience Now, if one was to go on a date with someone who doesn’t have good boundaries, they are going to be able to respond in the right way. It is then not going to matter if they want to be with someone, as their own wellbeing will come first. One will realise that another person is trying to violate them in some way, and this will cause them to take action. This may mean that one only has to do something once and that’s the end of it, or they might need to walk away. The Priority There is going to be no reason for them to put up with bad behaviour, no matter how much they want to be with someone. Deep down, they will value themselves, and this will stop them from tolerating anything that will cause them harm. This is also going to be something that feels safe; if this wasn’t the case, their life would be very different. So as one is only person who knows what is right for them, it is going to show that they have the right approach. A Different Priority When one has a strong need to be with someone, this area of their life can be radically different. One can then go on a date and they can end up putting up with bad behaviour, and they can do things they don’t want to do. Their own wellbeing is going to be put to one side, and the only thing they will be concerned about is keeping the other person in their life. They will end up doing what they can to please them, and this will cause them to disconnect from themselves One Outcome As one is giving their power away, it is highly unlikely that they will end up in a relationship that is fulfilling. Their need to be with someone will be met, but the rest of their needs will end up being overlooked. After a while, one could start to think about how they ended up in this position, and it might only be a matter of time before they leave them and find someone who is exactly the same. This could mean that one ends with people who are physically abusive, or they might end up with people who are not interested in their needs and feelings. A New Beginning In order for one to change their life, it will be necessary for them to value themselves and to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground. Unless this takes place, one is likely to continue to experience life in the same way. What this shows is that one doesn’t just randomly attract people into their life; this is something that is happening by design. When one’s inner world changes, their outer world will also change. Awareness The reason one is experiencing life in this can be due to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and they might have been walked over by their caregiver/s. Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one will gradually be able to let go of what is within them. One could be carrying trauma and emotional pain in their body.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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