It could be said that the ideal will be someone to spend most of their time living in their body. There will then be times when their awareness leaves their body and goes into their head, but this won’t be the norm.
When this does happen, it could be because they are using some kind of technological equipment at work or at home, for instance. This could also happen when they don’t want to face how they feel. Inner Sanctuary When they are not using any technology or are not overwhelmed by how they feel, they will be able to inhabit their body. Through being in their body, they will be able to relax and to feel at peace. Furthermore, they will be able to tune into how they feel and to connect to their needs. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will be in touch with their true essence. One Benefit Being this way is going to have a positive effect on their relationships and it will most likely allow them to lead a life that is fulfilling. This is due to the connection that they have with their own needs. The needs that are in their body will tell them what they need and whether they should or shouldn’t do something. Ultimately, this information will allow them to behave like an individual. At Ease When there are dramas going on around them or their life is not going as planned, for instance, they will be able to settle down into their body. There will be no need for them to be in their head. If they were unable to do this and stayed in their head, they could end up being caught up in what is going on around them. Thankfully, they won’t be a prisoner of their mind, allowing them to get out of their monkey mind. Another Benefit What they are also likely to find is that being in their body enables them to feel connected and powerful. Along with the connection that they have to themselves, will be the connection that they have to everything else. It will be this connection that allows them to feels strong and as though they have an effect on their life. Ultimately, one will look like a whole human being and they will be operating as a whole human being. A Radically Different Scenario However, while this is how some people experience life, there are going to be others that don’t. As a result of this, they will look like a whole human being but that will generally be about as far as it will go. Therefore, irrespective of whether they are using some kind of technological equipment at work or at home, they are likely to be in their head. Furthermore, their emotions could often be out of control. Disconnected Consequently, one may find that it is normal for them to be on edge and that it is incredibly difficult for them to relax. But even though living in this way will be stressful, it doesn’t mean that it will be possible for them to simply get back into their body. Living on the surface of themselves is going to cause them problems, that is clear, but it could be what feels safe. In a way, it will be as if their life is under threat, which is why they need to spend so much time on alert. Lost They can then be in a position where they are typically hyper aware of what is going on around them, yet they will rarely have any idea about what is taking place within them. Their life is then unlikely to be a reflection of their true-self. It could generally be a mystery as to what their needs are, and it is then going to be a challenge for them to have fulfilling relationships and to live a life of purpose. And when they are disconnected from their body, they will probably feel disconnected from everyone and everything else. A Dangerous Place What is going on in their mind is likely to be projected onto the external world, with this being the reason why they believe that the world is not a safe place. If they are able to feel at peace, it could show that they have taken something. The big question is why don’t they feel safe enough to be in their body? Firstly, there is a strong chance that they are carrying a lot of pain in this part of their being and, unless this is dealt with, it is unlikely that they will be able to get back in there. Way Back If one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, it may show that their early years were very traumatic. This could have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. As a child or even as a baby, leaving their body may have been the only thing that they could do to handle the extreme pain that they were in. This time in their life may have been filled with trauma. Awareness So, living on the surface of themselves can just be part of who they are now that they are an adult, but when they were growing up, it would have been something that they had to do to survive. As a child, it probably would have taken a little while for them to leave their body and, now that they are an adult, it will probably take them time to get back into their body. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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If an ornament was put outside, it might be able to handle the elements. This doesn’t mean that its appearance won’t change as time goes by; what it means is that it won’t end up falling apart.
However, there is also the chance that it won’t be long until it does start to fall apart. It will then be clear that it hasn’t got what takes to handle the elements, and this is why it shouldn’t have been exposed to the outside world. A Lot in Common In the same way, someone can find that being in the outside world generally doesn’t have much of a negative effect on them. It is then going to be possible for them to be in the world without being overwhelmed by it. There may be the odd thing that knocks them down, but they won’t continually be knocked down to the ground. Thus, like the first statue above, they will have what it takes to handle the elements. A Different Story For someone else, they may have a lot in common with the second statue that is mentioned above. If they spend time in the outside world, it could be normal for them to react strongly to something. And if they are able to clam themselves down, it might not be long until the same thing happens again. Therefore, they could believe that they haven’t got what it takes to be around others for too long. The Modern-Day World Yet, even if they don’t spend time around others, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to feel at peace. The reason for this is that one may have the inclination to experience a strong emotional reaction when they go online. For example, they could see what someone has posted online or they could watch video and that could be it; their inner world could be all over the place. After something like this has taken place, they may take a break from being online, or they may find that they get sucked in. One Approach If one was to get to the point where they have had enough of experiencing life in this way, they could do one of two things. Trying to control what is taking place in the external world may appeal to them; that’s if they believe that this is the problem. Trying to control what other people say or do is then going to be seen as the right thing to do. This will be a way for them to no longer experience so much inner unrest and to enjoy being around others, as well as to feel safe online. Plenty of Support If they do try to control other people’s behaviour, they are likely to find that it is not hard for them to find people who are coming from the same place. Like them, these people will be focusing on changing what is going on externally as opposed to what is taking place within them. What is interesting about this is that if they tried to behave in this way in a relationship, they would most likely be described as being abusive, and it will be clear that their behaviour is wrong. But, in this context, their behaviour can be seen as being right. Another Approach Alternatively, one might not be interested on trying to control other people’s behaviour, preferring to look into how they can change themselves. This will show that they are not willing to violate another person’s autonomy. For whatever reason, one is going to take responsibility for how they feel, not make other people solely responsible for it. It could be said that this will be the intelligent thing to do. All Over the Place If they were to step back and to reflect on what happens when something has an effect on them, they may find that they don’t always respond in the same way. There may be times when they end up getting extremely angry, while at others, they may experience a lot of fear. During other moments, they may end up being overwhelmed by anxiety or sadness. Living life in this way is going to cause them to experience a lot of ups and downs, making it hard for them to experience inner peace, to focus and to live in the moment. A Deeper Look One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they need to gain control of their mind. Through learning how to manage their thoughts, it will allow their emotions to settle down. This could be an accurate assessment or there could be far more to it. It might be more accurate to say that one is carrying a lot of trauma, which is why it is more or less impossible for them to manage their emotions. Back In Time If one was to look back on their life, they may find that something took place in their adult life that caused their inner world to change. Something would then have happened that overwhelmed them, and this would have meant that their system was unable to integrate the experience. The years would have passed but what took place is still causing them problems and will continue to do so until they resole it. Then again, what took place during their early years may be the reason why their emotional self is all at sea. A Closer Look During their early years, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This would have most likely left mark on their whole being – their brain, mind and body. Once again, a number of years will have passed since that time in their life but their being will still be in a bad way. What this illustrates is that time alone won’t heal the damage that was done. Awareness If anything, the only thing that time will do is cause them to be in even more pain and to become more disconnected from what took place. So if one can relate to this, and they want to change themselves, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Some people are sarcastic from time, while there are others who use sarcasm practically all of the time. What can define whether or not someone is described as being sarcastic can be how often they behave in this way.
At times, another person may find it amusing when one behaves in this way, but at other times, they could end up being taken aback. This could be because what one said offended them or it could show that this person just doesn’t appreciate this kind of behaviour. The Response If one was to say something sarcastic and another person ended up getting worked up, they could say that they are overreacting. As far as they are concerned, this person will need to lighten up. One may make it clear that they were not being mean; they were simply joking around with them. This might be enough to smooth things over or it might not have much of an effect. Conflict The ideal is then going to be for someone like this to spend time around people who have a similar sense of humour. These kinds of people might not always be happy with what one comes out with, but they may give as good as they get. However, even if one does surround themselves with people who are on the same wavelength as them, it doesn’t mean that they won’t spend time with people who are not. For example, their sense of humour could cause them to experience problems when they are at work or around certain family members. Up and Down If they are working for someone else and they are unable control this side of their personality, they may often be told to tone it down a bit or words to that effect. They may have even had a number of complaints. On the other hand, if they are a manger and this side is always on display, a few of the people they manage may have formed a negative view of them. These people may see them as someone who is unfriendly or unapproachable. A Few Examples Something bad could happen to them and one could say that that was exactly what they needed. In this case, what they have said will most likely make it easier for them to handle what has happened. Conversely, if another person was to do something and it didn’t turn out very well, they could say that they did a great job. The other person could end up feeling as though they have indirectly been put down. An Important Tool When someone uses sarcasm after they experience something negative, it will be a way for them to make light of what has happened to them. If they didn’t respond in this way, they could end up being overwhelmed by pain. Their mind will utilise this defence mechanism as a way to keep the pain at bay. Nonetheless, if they are reliant on this defence, it could mean that they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings. A Release If someone uses sarcasm when another person does something wrong or badly, for instance, it will be a way for them to make this clear without needing to make it clear. Along with this, saying something sarcastic can also allow them to let go of some of the anger that is within them. Maybe, they have a lot of anger within them and being sarcastic allows them to stop themselves from getting too angry. It might then be appropriate to say that their humour is hostility disguised as wit. Going Deeper Taking this into account, if one wasn’t so angry they might no longer need to spend as much time being sarcastic. The big question is why are they so angry? What has played a part in them being this way? In addition to the anger that is within them, they may also be carrying a fair amount of shame. Being sarcastic can then enable them to release some anger and it can allow them to feel better about themselves. Unaware If another person was to say that one is carrying a fair amount of anger and even shame, they might deny what they say. This could be the case or it may show is that one is not even aware of how they feel. Through being oblivious to the reasons why they spend so much time being sarcastic, it is going to be normal for them to dismiss what someone like this says. Perhaps they don’t feel strong enough to face their true feelings. A Closer Look There may have been a time in their adult life that left a big mark on their being or it could be the result of what took place during their early years. If it goes back to what happened when they were younger, they may have been violated in some way. This would have caused them to feel extremely angry and to be overwhelmed with shame. Going through this once would have been a lot for them to deal with, but to experience it on a regular basis would have been even harder. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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In the same way that someone can be good at something but not realise it; they can also be intelligent but not realise it. As a result of this, the view that they have of themselves is not going to match up with reality.
One of the ways that this can affect their life is that they might not bother going after their goals. Due to how they see themselves, they are not going to believe that they will have what it takes. Confusion There could then be people in their life who struggle to understand what is going on. As far as these people are concerned, one could have everything it takes to completely transform their life. Yet, even if these people were to point this out, it is unlikely to have much of an impact on them. If one allowed something like this to enter their mind, it could soon be pushed to one side. Another Scenario Conversely, someone like this could allow themselves to work towards their goals but they might only get so far. So once they get to a certain point, they could just stop and end up doing something else. Another thing that they could do is have too many things on the go, which will stop them from being able to complete anything. It could be said that they will be an expert at sabotaging themselves. Never Ready There could even be moments when they continually put something off, even though they have what it takes to take the first step. They could believe that they need to know more and once they do, they will take action. However, regardless of how much they learn, or even what qualifications they attain, it won’t be enough. There is always going to be something else that they need, something else that will supply them with what they are missing. Facing Reality For them to be able to recognise their own intelligence and thus, to be able to make progress in their life, it will be important for them to let go of the view that they have of themselves. The reason why they haven’t done this could be because they have been this way for so long. It will then just be part of who they are as opposed to something that they have come to believe about themselves. What this is likely to show is that there was a time in their life when they were intellectually abused, and that this was a time when it wasn’t possible for them to question what was taking place. Way Back If so, this could mean that their early years were a time when they were put down by their caregiver/s. Instead of being given the support and encouragement that they needed in order to develop in the right way, they would have been undermined. Perhaps they were told that they were stupid and/or useless, for instance, throughout this stage of their life. These massages would have gradually shaped the view that they had of themselves. Projection The fact that the people who were supposed to build them up, not tear them down, came out with these things most likely shows that they were not in a good way. Maybe, they were told the same things, or something similar, when they were growing up. Due to a lack of awareness, they would have gone from being a victim to being a perpetrator. This time in their life may have caused them to shut down and to disconnect from their own feelings, and this would have made it easier for them to abuse their own child. Slightly Different Yet, if they were not explicitly told things like this, they may have had caregiver/s that held them to impossibly high standards. The only thing that would have been acceptable was them doing well and reaching the top. One wouldn’t have been seen as a separate individual at this stage of their life, they would have been seen as an extension of their caregiver/s. Furthermore, their value would have been defined by how well they performed (seen as external), not by who they were (seen as internal). Out There If this didn’t happen or even if it did, what took place during their time in the education system may have also played a part in the view that they have of themselves. A few of their teachers might not have been very supportive and/or maybe they were a late developer. For one reason or another, this might not have been picked up and one may have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. The type of education that they experienced might not have been a good fit for them either. One Step Back If they did struggle whilst they were in the education system, what was going on at home may have also played a part. For example, if they were being verbally abused or held to extremely high standards, it would have been hard even harder for them to be at their best. It could have been even worse, though, and they may have been physically abused and/or neglected. Being treated in this way may have had a negative effect on their brain, making it even harder for their brain to function properly – not exactly the ideal scenario for leaning or feeling capable. Awareness What this emphasises is that there can be a numbers of reasons as to why someone wouldn’t have an inaccurate view of themselves. Fortunately, they don’t need to experience life in this way forever. There can be two parts to this: changing what is taking place in their mind and healing what they are carrying in their body. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to feel lost and as though they have no reason for being on this planet. But while someone like this may find it hard to get out of bed each morning, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they won’t have a job.
Still, even if they do have a job, it is unlikely to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. If this is the case, they may be very miserable on Monday and extremely relieved when Friday arrives. Too Short The weekend will then arrive yet it won’t be long until they are back on the grind again, doing something that simply doesn’t interest them. Whenever they have time off, it can be normal for them to do things that will allow them to feel better. Or to be more accurate, they may do things that allow them to momentarily disconnect from how they feel. One is then going to spend a lot of time and energy doing what they can do avoid themselves. Artificially Induced So, if they do feel good it is only going to be because they have used something else to make themselves feel good. If they didn’t use these things to make themselves feel better, it would be even harder for them to handle their life. Additionally, they may also rely on someone else to make them feel better. If they don’t look towards one person to do this, they may spend with many different people to give themselves a boost. Stepping Back However, if they were to give themselves some space to think about what makes their heart sing, it doesn’t mean that anything will come to their mind. It could seem as though only some people are on this planet for a reason. There are then going to be people who have a reason to be on this planet and there will be others that don’t. Consequently, they may believe that the best thing that they can do is to keep going and to keep their pain at bay. One Option The months and years will go by and one may continue to live in the same way. There could come a point in time, though, when a big part of them is no longer willing to experience life in this way. It is then not going to be possible for them to just go through the motions and to avoid the discomfort that is within them. Deep within their being, will be the need to live a life that is worth living. Searching for Answers Having arrived at this point, they may end up looking online for guidance. This could be a time when they will be encouraged to look into what they enjoy and to find out what they are good at. Furthermore, they could be told to write down whatever enters their mind up as this may allow them to gain even more clarity. Now, this could be something that has a big effect on them, with it only being a matter of time before they are able to see why they are on this planet. Blocked At the same time, one may find that regardless of what questions they ask themselves, nothing comes up for them. They may also struggle to think of anything that they enjoy doing or are good at. In a way, it can be as if they are knocking at a door and, no matter how many times they knock, no one answers. The desire to experience a fulfilling life will be there, but the answers they are looking for won’t be forthcoming. One Reason One way of looking at this would be to say that the information that they need won’t be found in their mind, it will be found in their body. If they are unable to connect to what is taking place in their body, it may be a sign that they are carrying trauma. Being out of touch with their body will make it difficult for them to connect with their feelings and their true needs. And when it comes to living a purposeful life, it will be essential for them to be in tune with their needs. Inner Guidance This part of their being will let them know if something is right for them or if it isn’t. Therefore, if they are out of out of touch with their body, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel lost in life and as though their life has no meaning. There may have been a time in their life when they felt overwhelmed, which would have caused them to disconnect from their body. Conversely, it may have taken a little while for this to take place. A Closer Look If someone has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, there is the chance that their early years were traumatic. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Disconnecting from their body would have been the only way of them to handle the pain that they were in. Now that that stage of their life has passed and they no longer need to live on the surface of themselves, experiencing life in this way is going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Reconnecting to their body is unlikely to happen overnight, but it is likely to happen as long as they keep going.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is likely that just about everyone on this planet enjoys receiving love and affection. Along with this, just as many people are likely to enjoy expressing love and affection.
When this takes place, someone can give another person their full attention. Thus, this can also be a time when they will touch them, maintain eye contact, say supportive things and hug them, amongst other things. A Nourishing Time While one person is behaving in this way, the other could be behaving in a very similar way. One way of looking at it would be to say that these two people will be fully in the moment, which will allow both of them feel seen and heard. This is going to be something that someone can experience when they are with a friend, family member or with their partner, that’s assuming they are in an intimate relationship. Naturally, their partner is likely to be more affectionate than anyone else in their life, and one is likely to be far more affectionate with them than they are with anyone else. Interdependent However, while one will enjoy being on the receiving end of affection, it doesn’t mean that they will be dependent on the affection that their partner gives them. Through being in touch with the loving part of themselves, they will be able to experience love when they are not around them. One is then not going to feel empty on the inside and only experience love when they are with their partner. Being able to source love from the inside is also going to stop them from expecting too much from them. An Exchange If one wasn’t in touch with the love that was within them, it might be normal for other people to feel drained after they have spent time with them. So instead of looking forward to spending time with them again, these people might feel the need to avoid them for a little while. But, as they are in touch with their inner love, they will be able to give as well as receive. This is bound to have a positive effect on their relationship, as their partner won’t feel suffocated by them. Freedom Due to what is taking place within them, there will be no need for them to try to control their partner either. This is because they won’t perceive their partner as having something that they desperately need. Whether they are with them or away doing something else, they will still be able to tap into the love that is within them. And as they don’t desperately need their love, there is going to be no reason for them to put up with bad behaviour. A Different Reality Although experiencing life in this way is going to be the ideal, not everyone is going to be able to relate to this. Consequently, someone like this is likely to be completely dependent on the love that others provide. For some reason, they are not going to be in touch with the love that is within them, and this is likely to mean that they know what it is like to feel empty. To keep this feeling away, they will need to receive constant love and affection from others. Two Stages If they are in an intimate relationship, the other person may have appreciated being needed at the beginning. But, as time has passed, they may find that it is too much for them to handle. In addition to how much attention one wants from them, they may even try to control their life. The fear that one has of losing them could cause their partner to feel trapped and as though they can’t have their own life. Infidelity And, even if their partner is attentive and spends a lot of time with them, it doesn’t mean that one won’t end up straying. No matter how much love that their partner gives them, it probably won’t be enough to fill the hole that is inside of them. Having another person on the go, or even a hundred more people, won’t have much of an effect on them. Alternatively, one could be in a dysfunctional relationship, yet their fear of being alone could stop them from walking away. What’s going on? Even though someone like this will be out of touch with the love that is inside them, they could believe that there is no love within them. What this is likely to show is that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain and, until this pain is dealt with, they will continue to feel empty. The big question is why are they out of touch with the love that is inside of them? The reason why they are experiencing life in this way ca be the result of what took place during their early years. Way Back Throughout their early years, they may have been neglected. The love that they needed during this incredibly important time in their life wouldn’t have been provided on a regular basis, if at all. And as what they needed wasn’t provided, it would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. This would have affected their brain and body, and it would have most likely loaded their system up with emotional pain. Awareness Fortunately, what took place doesn’t have to define their life forever, that’s if one reaches out for the right support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Can Someone End Up Being Dependent On Others If Their Adult Self Is Undeveloped?24/5/2019
If someone was to end up feeling upset, they may find that another part of them is there to soothe this part of them. Or, if they were to feel a bit deflated and low on motivation, another part of them may offer them support and encouragement.
It might then sound as though they have multiple personalities and are not an integrated human being. Even so, this will show that the different parts within them are working together – like one big happy family. Inner Parents So, when one part of them is not in a good way, another part of them will be there for this part of them. One part of them will be like a child and the other part of them will be like a parent. Whether the child part of them needs motherly lovely or fatherly support will all depend on how this part feels. Yet, no matter what the child/emotional part of them needs, the adult part of them will on hand to give it to them. Interdependent Through being this way, they won’t always need other people to be there for them when they have an inner dip. If what they are going through is too much for them to handle, they will most likely reach out. Being this way will mean that they will put less pressure on others, and this is bound to have a positive effect on their relationships. The people in their life are unlikely to be overwhelmed by their needs and to see them as needy. An Individual Their friends and even their partner, if they have one, are not always going to be by their side, so being able to be there for themselves in this way is going to be highly beneficial. For example, if something doesn’t go well at work and this affects them, their adult self will be there. This part of them will give them whatever support that they need, and it may only be a matter of time before they are in good place again. One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be working with themselves, allowing them to be their own best friend. Early Years If one was to take a step back and to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it as though it has always been this way. It may even seem as though they were born this way. Nonetheless, the reason their life is this way is likely to be due to how they were brought up. They were then not simply born this way; they are this way because they received the right care. The Ideal Scenario Undoubtedly, when someone experiences life in this way they are going to be very resourceful. They will have a good connection with inner strength and love, or their inner masculine and inner feminine. If they are not seen as ‘successful’, it might not be long until they are seen as being this way. Unfortunately, not everyone on this planet experiences life in this way, and this is likely to mean that their life is a lot harder. A Different Experience When someone like this feels upset, another part of them probably won’t be there to sooth them. Or, if they feel deflated and low on motivation, another part of them probably won’t be there to offer them support or encouragement either. Unlike the person above, another part of them is not going to be there to look after the child/emotional part of them that is not in a good way. The only way that they will be able to get back on their feet, so to speak, will be to reach out to others. Dependent Another option would be for them to eat or drink something, which might not serve them in the long-run. The people in their life can then serve as surrogate parents, with them providing the mothering and fathering that they can’t give to themselves. Being round these people is going to feel good, but it is likely to be a challenge for them to enjoy their own company. And, if they are in a relationship, this person could also be more like their parent than their equal. Self-Neglect As they are unable to handle the pain that is within them, it could normal for them to do what they can to please others. But, while behaving in this way will most likely cause them to ignore their true-self, it will stop them from having to handle their inner world by themselves. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of the fact that they see other people as parental figures as this is likely to be something that is taking place unconsciously. Either way, until they develop the ability to mother and father themselves, it will be difficult for them to express who they are and to act like an individual. In The Beginning Their early years are unlikely to have been very nurturing; this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. This could mean that the emotional part of their being is not in a good way. What took place will be in the past, but the pain that they experienced will still be held in their body. With so much pain in their body, it is no wonder than something fairly insignificant can have a big effect on how they feel. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although each person on this planet is an individual who has their own needs, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone embodies. Thus, there are going to be people who act like an individual, while there will be others who won’t.
If someone does, they are going to be aware of their needs and they are going to do what they can to fulfil them. One is then not just going to look like an individual; they will act like one. In Balance Through paying attention to their own needs and doing what they can to meet them, it will enable them to truly be there for others. They are then not going to be selfish, overlooking other people’s needs. By being there for themselves in this way, they will have the energy that they need to extend themselves to others. If, on the other hand, this didn’t take place, it wouldn’t be possible for them to truly be there for others. An Important Point What this comes down to is that if they were to neglect their own needs but still did what they could to be there for others, they would haven’t as much energy. So regardless of whether it relates to their personal relationships or to their career, for instance, they would rarely be running on full power. And, if they are not running on full power, they are not going to be able to function at their best. Ultimately, one would be neglecting themselves and this is not going to serve them in anyway. Authentic Connections As they are comfortable with their own needs and expressing them, they will be revealing their true-self. Ego, when it comes to their close relationships, one is not going to hide who they are. Being able to express who they are will allow them to feel free and their relationships are likely to be nourishing, too. But, even though this may be the norm, their life would be very different if their inner world was different. Two Components There are likely to be at least two reasons as to why they are able to experience life in this way, with the first being that they value themselves and second being that it feels safe. By valuing themselves they will realise that their needs are important and, by feeling safe in their own body, they will feel comfortable enough to reveal and to go about meeting their needs. Perhaps this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember; if so, there will be no reason for them to be aware of why they are able to behave in this way. This is then similar to how there can be no reason for someone to understand how a car engine works, if they have never had car problems. Another Reality If someone is unable to act like an individual and comes across as though they are merely an extension of others, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own needs. At times, they may realise that this is taking place, while at others, they might not. What this will illustrate is that ignoring their own needs can be something that just happens, taking away the need for them to even think about it. Their needs are typically going to be overlooked, with them being more concerned with meeting other people’s needs. Self-Neglect Still, other people could often describe them as someone who is selfless and easy going, for instance. One will them be neglecting themselves, yet here will be plenty of people who will believe that they are doing the right thing. In a way, one will be like an object that allows themselves to be taken advantage of by others. Their true-self is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day, meaning that it will probably be more or less impossible for them to experience true fulfilment. Hidden Nevertheless, thanks to how they come across, other people might believe that they are truly happy. This could be something that one also believes; if they do, it can show that they are completely out of touch with their true essence. On one level, they will be fine, but on another level, they will be anything but fine. However, if they were to get in touch with their own needs, they might end up experiencing a lot of discomfort. A Closer Look Tuning into their needs and then expressing them is not going to be something that feels comfortable. If it did, there would be no need for them to hide their needs from themselves, let alone others. To make sure that they don’t experience too much inner discomfort, it will be vital for them to keep their true needs at bay. Deep within their being, they could believe that they would be abandoned if they revealed their needs. Not a Problem One way of looking at this would be to say that they are an adult now, so even if they were abandoned, it wouldn’t matter. With this in mind, the thoughts and feelings that arise when they reveal their needs are going to be irrational. The pain that comes up is just going to be in their mind and they will need to learn how to manage their thoughts. It could be this black and white, or there could be far more to it. A Deeper Look The reason why they don’t feel safe enough to reveal their needs could be due to the fact that they are carrying trauma. Maybe, they experienced a fair amount of neglect during their early years. If they were left throughout this stage of their life, they would have felt as though their life was going to come to an end on a regular basis. The only thing that they would have been able to do to handle this pain would have been to disconnect from it. Hell on Earth At this stage of their life, they desperately needed their caregivers to be there for them. For whatever reason, their caregivers didn’t provide consistent care; the type of care that they needed to develop in the right way. Disconnecting from their body would have made allowed them to survive this traumatic time in their life and it would have estranged them from the very thing that might cause their caregivers to leave them - their needs. The years will have passed but the pain that they experienced as a baby and/or child will still be within them. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is carrying a lot of emotional pain, they may do just about everything that they can to keep it at bay. This could take place by taking things, doing things, and focusing on things.
What this will typically do is stop them from having to come into contact with what is taking place in their body. Clearly, then, they are not going to feel strong enough to face this pain; if they did, there would be no reason for them to run away from it. Inner Conflict Their inner world is not going to be a place of peace and harmony; it will be a place of unrest and disharmony. So, although there may be things in the external world that are an issue, their biggest issue is likely to be what is going on within them. The trouble is that regardless of where they go on this planet, they are not going to be able to get away from themselves. Just as their physical shadow will always be there, so will their inner pain. Their Priority A lot of their time, energy and financial resources are going to be directed towards their need to avoid themselves. If this wasn’t the case, they would be able to do what they could to make sure that their life is more fulfilling, not just less painful. Deep down, they may believe that if they were to face their pain it would wipe them out, which is why they need to avoid it at all costs. Irrespective of whether this would or wouldn’t happen, avoiding this pain is not going to do them any favours. No one is their own island If they were unable to lift a table, for instance, they would probably ask someone to help them. Yet, for whatever reason, they haven’t asked another person to help them handle their emotional pain. One reason for this is that they could be carrying a lot of shame, and this will most likely give them a strong need to hide their pain and themselves. With all this going on, it’s not going to be a surprise for them to behave in this way. External Support But while they may have the need to keep what they are going through to themselves due to the shame that is within them, it doesn’t mean that this shame is not deceiving them. The fact is that this shame is causing them to have an inaccurate view of themselves and others. There are people in the world who will be able to offer their understanding and to be there for them. Someone like this will be able to provide their presence to enable them to face what they haven’t been able to face by themselves. The Right Support This process is very similar to what takes place when a loving parent is there for their child who is upset. As their child is unable to handle their own emotions, their parent will hold the space for them. What this attunement will do is allow their child’s brain to develop it in the right way, thereby allowing them to gradually develop the ability to handle their own emotions. Sadly, this type of care isn’t always provided, and this could not only be the reason why one is unable to handle their emotions, it could also be why they are in so much pain. Final Thoughts Perhaps, the care that they needed to be able to develop in the right way at this stage of their life wasn’t provided, preventing their brain from developing in the right way and loading them up with emotional pain in the process. A good therapist or a healer will be able to offer the support that they need to face and then to work through their inner wounds. This, of course, is not going to happen overnight. There is likely to be many layers of pain within them and, the more layers their work through, the stronger their being will become.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone who had a painful childhood was to talk about what took place to another person, they may end up being told that they need to forgive their parents. This could be something that they come out with more or less straight away or it may have taken a while.
Furthermore, one could be told that what they went through is all in the past and now they need to put it behind them. And that if they don’t do this, it will stop them from being able to live a good life. A Heavy Weight Thus, in the same way that an anchor will stop a ship from moving forward, their attachment to the past will do the same thing. The sooner they are able to see this, the sooner they will be able to let go of what took place all those years ago. Forgiving their parents for what happened is going to be essential if they want to let go of the pain that they are in and to experience inner peace. This could be something that takes place directly or they could write a letter and send it to them. Positive Feedback Once this has taken place, they may find that they start to feel better. Also, the person who told them to do this, along with a number of other people, could say that they did the right thing. The days and weeks could go by and their life could continue to improve, with it being clear that they made the right decision. Then again, what they may find is that they have simply pushed down their true feelings and are living in denial. A Different Approach Although forgiveness was put forward as the solution to what they were going through, it doesn’t mean it is the right solution. One way of looking at it would be to say that it doesn’t matter whether they forgive their parents or not; what matters is that they heal their inner wounds. A number of years may have passed since they were a child, but the pain that they experienced during this time is still going to be held in their body. And, unless they work through this pain, it is likely to be more or less impossible for them to move on. Crying Out A big part of them – their inner child – is going to be in a lot of pain, and this part of them will want to be acknowledged and to express all of the pain that it has carried for so long. Unsurprisingly, they are not going to resolve this pain by simply forgiving their parents. If their emotional pain was solely caused by the thoughts in their head, this approach might work. Yet, as emotional pain is held in their body, changing their thoughts is not going to get to the root of what they are experiencing. Final Thoughts By healing their inner wounds, they may start to experience compassion towards their parents. If so, they won’t need to force themselves to forgive them; it will be a by-product of healing themselves. They may also gradually come to see their parents are just flawed human beings, not as gods. This would show that they are seeing them through adult eyes, as opposed to the eyes of their wounded inner child. If someone is in a lot of pain, and they want to heal their winner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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