While it would be easy to say that some people have needs and others are needless, everyone has needs. However, although some people are open about their needs, there are others who try to cover them up.
This is one of the reasons why it can appear as though not everyone has needs. As for the people who are incredibly needy, this can be a sign that they are carrying a lot of unmet childhood needs. One Experience If someone is open about their needs, it is likely to show that they feel comfortable with them. They are then not going to believe that there is anything wrong with their needs and they are going to feel safe enough to reveal them. This doesn’t mean that they won’t meet any of their own needs; what it means is that they won’t buy into the illusion that they are an independent human being. There will be the needs that they can meet by themselves and the needs that they can’t. Interdependent One can then give themselves the approval and acceptance that they need and take the action that they need to take to move forward in their career, amongst other things. What they are not going to be able to do is to meet their need for companionship by themselves, for instance. So, thanks to the connection that they have with their own needs, they will be able to reach out for others when they need to. And as they don’t feel as though there is anything wrong with them, there will be no reason for them to feel bad if another person is unable to be there for them. Part of Life They are likely to realise that it is not always going to be possible for another person in particular to be there for them or for people in general to always be there. Even so, this won’t stop them from reaching out. Still, this is no different to how they are not always going to be able to be there for another person in particular or people in general. After all, other people are not their parents and one is not anyone else’s parent either. Being this way will stop them from putting a lot of pressure onto others and there will be less pressure on them from the people in their life who realise it. Self-Expression Ultimately, being connected to their needs, valuing them, and feeling safe enough to fulfil them will be what allows them to express who they are. This is what will enable them to lead a live that is fulfilling as opposed to simply going through the motions. The purpose of their life won’t be to please others; it will be to do what they can to make sure their life is in alignment with who they actually are. And as they are an individual, it will mean that they will have their own purpose, along with their purpose being part of an even greater purpose. Another Experience When it comes to someone who typically keeps their needs to themselves, it is likely to show that they don’t feel comfortable with them. They are likely to believe that there is something wrong with them and not feel safe enough to reveal them. Naturally, this won’t mean that all of their needs will go unmet as there are going to be a number of needs that they can meet themselves. And although this may also mean that they won’t have many friends, let alone be in an intimate relationship, this might not be the case. Two Options If they don’t spend much time around others apart from when they are at work, that’s if they have a job, they may do what they can to push their own needs out of their awareness. Becoming aware of their needs could be too painful, which is why they may have a number of ways to push them down and to distract themselves. Yet, if they do have friends and are even in an intimate relationship, they may still be out of touch with their needs when they are around these people. During this time, they could act as though they are an extension of others; creating the impression that they don’t have needs and are only too happy to do what these people want. A Bleak Existence Neglecting themselves in this way is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling existence. The reality is that they are not here to act as though they are an extension of others; they are here to embrace their true essence and to act like an individual. Nonetheless, unless they are able to embrace their own needs and to express them, their life is unlikely to change. Instead, they will continue to live a life that doesn’t reflect who they are. A Deeper Look The reason why one doesn’t have a good relationship with their own needs can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. Shortly after they were born or a number of years later, they may have been told in one way or another that their needs were bad. Through receiving this message on a daily basis, they would have gradually disconnected from their needs. Furthermore, this would have caused them to lose touch with their feelings too as their feelings are an expression of their needs. Out of Touch Not only would they have lost touch with their needs and feelings, they would have also lost touch with their body. This is the part of their being where their needs and feelings will be found. Getting back in touch with this part of them is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight, due to the pain that is likely to be held in their body. This pain will need to be worked through. Awareness If someone can see that they don’t have a good connection with their needs, and they want this to change, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. There is nothing wrong with their needs and it is safe for them to express them, but in order for them to realise this, they will need to heal their inner wounds. This will take patience and persistence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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In the latest ad campaign by Calvin Klein, so-called celebrities are talking about how they speak their truth in their Calvin’s. A number of the people in the video say “I speak my truth in my Calvin’s.”
Now, if someone hadn’t heard of Calvin Klein underwear before, they might feel the need to get their hands on some. Not only might one of their favourite celebrity/s have been featured in the ad, but this underwear could seem to be extremely powerful. A Special Suit So, in the same way that a super hero will become someone else when they put on their special suit; wearing this underwear will also give them something that they don’t already have. What could also play a part here is that they could be out of touch with their own inner power. The way for them to change this is then going to be for them to wear the right underwear. If they do feel the need to buy this branded underwear, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of why this is. A Key Part Seeing their favourite celebrity/s will have no doubt had an effect on this decision, but it is unlikely to be the only thing. The loud music, along with the semi-naked bodies, will have also helped. These two things will have got their rational brain out the way, so that the emotional part of them – the part that drives their behaviour - can be influenced. After all, the last thing that this company wants is for someone to scrutinize what they are watching; that might stop them from buying the underwear. Already On Board At the same time, someone may already be wearing their Calvin’s when they saw the ad. Seeing these celebrities wearing the same underwear as them could have a positive effect on their mood and self-image. These people will be idolised by millions and appear to have it all, which means that they are tapping into all that. Ultimately, their view of themselves will be reinforced after seeing this advert. The Same Old Story What Calvin Klein has done with this advert is no different to what other companies have been doing been for decades with their adverts. These companies realise that the only way they are going to sell their products is if they portray them in the right way, and this is why they rely on the power of association. And let’s face it, if the whole ‘I speak my truth’ stuff was put to one side, what would be left? What would be left are items of clothing that have been made from cotton, nylon and lace – nothing special. The Truth Wearing this underwear is not going to allow someone to speak their truth any more than wearing branded trainers will allow them to run faster. At the same time, it can help them if they believe that it will. Yet, even if this does happen, it will simply show that they are giving their power away to something else. As a result of this, they are allowing something ‘out there’ to define whether or not they feel powerful. A Strange Scenario In a way, it is ironic that a designer brand is encouraging people to speak their truth and to be real. Brands like these often prey upon people who don’t know who they are and are out of touch with their own worth. Often, people like this are going to try to buy what they have lost touch with within themselves. Wearing branded items is then going to be a way for them to feel valuable, desirable, lovable and/or confident, amongst other things. The Phrase For someone to speak their truth, they are going to need to have a good connection with their body and to feel safe in their body. This is, of course, assuming that this is the kind of truth that is being spoken about here. When someone speaks their truth, they are not going to be talking about whether something is objectively truth or not; they will be talking about what is true for them. This relates to their needs and feelings, and how they want to live their own life. The Solution If someone has a good connection with their body and feels safe in it, speaking their truth is unlikely to be a challenge. But if they don’t, it is highly unlikely that this will change by wearing branded underwear. If someone doesn’t have a good connection with their body or if they do but they don’t feel safe there, it probably shows that they are carrying trauma. Naturally, this trauma is not going to be resolved by buying branded underwear. Final Thoughts Spending money on things out there to try to change what is taking place on the inside is not going to solve anything. If this money was spent on dealing with what is taking place internally, it would allow someone to truly change their life. So, if someone can tell that they are carrying trauma or thinks that they might be, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The other day I came across a quote that went into how someone’s past needs to be left in the past; if it isn’t, it will destroy their future. The final point was that they need to live for today, not to be caught up in what happened yesterday.
One way of looking at this quote would be to say that it is sage advice. Clearly, if someone is caught up in what has happened to them it is not going to be possible for them to live in the now. A Wasted Life They are then going to allow what has happened to define their life, losing their present point of power in the process. After all, ‘now’ is the only moment in their life where they can do anything. With this in mind, it is going to be essential for them to leave what happened in the past, in the past. If they don’t do this, they will not only lose the power that they have to shape their life, they will have even more things in their past that will consume their attention. An Analogy It will be as if one is carrying around a heavy weight, and this weight will be taking a lot of their attention and energy. Once this weight is put down, their life will no longer be the same. In the same way, if someone leaves their past behind, it will allow them to embrace the present moment and to have more energy. Putting a rock down might be easier; nonetheless, the outcome will be very similar. Will Power This can then be a time when they will need to make sure that they don’t get caught up it their thoughts, to do what they can to be in the now, and to forgive themselves. What is going on up top, in their mind, will be the issue. So, through putting in the effort, they will soon be able to leave their past behind. The trouble is that while this approach may work, it might just cause someone to experience a lot of frustration. Going Deeper What this comes down to is that the past doesn’t always just exist in someone’s mind; it can also exist in their body. When it comes to the mind, it is about thoughts and beliefs and, when it comes to the body, it is about feelings and trauma. Therefore, although thoughts and beliefs can just be changed, this is not the case when it comes to feelings and trauma. Force might work when it comes to the mind, but this approach is unlikely to work when it comes to the body. One Big Lie If someone has come to believe that it is ‘all in their mind’, it might not even occur to them that the past might also exist in their body. Let’s say that they are carrying emotional pain, and they only focus on their mind, they are unlikely to get very far. What will probably happen is that they will simply push what has come up back into their body, thereby causing their mind to be even more disconnected from their emotional body. A battle will be going on within them, and it might not be long until this stuff comes right back up to the surface, and when it does, it might end up overwhelming them. Through it, not over it If they are unable to push this stuff down, it could cause them to feel incapable and to blame themselves. In reality, they are not incapable and there is no need for them to blame themselves. The main issue will be that they are trying to do something that can’t be done, due to believing something that isn’t true. Instead of playing around with their mind, they will need to work through what is being held in their body - to surrender to how they feel. Final Thoughts If someone can relate to this, and they want to ‘leave the past behind’, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Like most defence mechanisms that can be utilised, denial can make it easier for someone to function on this planet. By denying something, it can stop them from having to feel bad about themselves, allowing them to avoid pain.
Their view of themselves will then be protected and this will have a positive on their wellbeing. However, although this can protect their ego, it is also something that can do more harm than good. Avoidance of Reality For example, if someone has behaved in a destructive way but is unwilling to acknowledge what has taken place, it could have a negative effect on their life. If there were other people around at the time, these people may struggle to understand what is going on. These people will have been there and witnessed it with their own eyes, only to be told that what they saw didn’t happen. If these people are their friends, they might not be for much longer. Extreme Confusion The same thing can take place if someone was abused during their early years and ends up talking to their parent/s about what took place. This may be something that is still affecting their life to this say. The evidence will be there but their parent/s will tell them that what they are talking about didn’t happen. This can be especially hard if someone is not in a very bad way, and expected their parent/s to validate what they went through and to be compassionate. Out of Touch with reality In both of these, along with every any other example, it is going to be clear that it is not possible for someone to face up to what has happened. Here, it won’t be a defence mechanism that they use from time to time; it will be a defence mechanism that is constantly being used. Therefore, it might be appropriate to say that this defence mechanism has become part of their personality. And as it is now part of who they are, they are no longer aware of when they are in denial. More than one Someone like this is then going to be out of touch with reality when it comes to one part of their life. It could go even further, though, as they could generally have very little connection with reality. In addition to what they are not willing to face, there can be a number of other things that they are not willing to acknowledge. Ergo, trying to get through to someone like this is going to be a bit like trying to get blood out of a stone. Divided If they were to accept something that they have denied, they could end up being overwhelmed with pain. Denying what has taken place externally is then just going to be a way for them to prevent the pain that is in their body from coming to the surface. Ultimately, their need to avoid reality is going to be a consequence of their need to avoid themselves. Facing their inner wounds and working through them can then allow them to become a more integrated human being and to slowly face reality. Final Thoughts If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Just because super heroes are not real people, it doesn’t mean that some people don’t try to mimic them in the real world. When this takes place, someone can have the tendency to try to save/rescue others.
These are unlikely to be people who are stuck in a burning building or who are about to be crushed, for instance, but they are going to have problems. They could have emotional problems, be stuck in unfulfilling relationships or just feel a bit lost in life, amongst other things. A Strong Attraction Yet, regardless of what they are going through, someone will be drawn to them like a magnet is drawn to metal. Their life can be put to one side, that’s if they have much of a life, and their whole focus can be on another person’s life. It might not even matter if another person has asked for their help as they could literally steamroll in and give it to them anyway. This could be just one more person in their life who they are trying to fix. Selfless From the outside, it may seem as though they don’t have needs or that they always put other people’s needs before their own. In reality, someone like this probably feels ashamed of their own needs, which is why they are so consumed with other people’s needs. Not only this, they can also feel extremely incapable at a deeper level, with this being the reason why they believe that other people need to be fixed. But, due to being out of touch with this part of themselves, they project how they feel into others. An Escape Taking this into account, being there for others in this way allows them to keep their true feelings at bay. What this also means is that their true intention is not to actually assist another; it is keep them were they are or to allow them to rise slightly higher. The reason for this is that if another person was to actually get back on their feet, they would no longer be able to project how they feel into them. It is then going to be essential for them to make sure that another person continues to play the same role or else they might have to face with their own inner wounds. A Facade Someone like this can then come across as being capable and even powerful, yet this is likely to have very little in common with how they truly feel. If they actually felt capable, there would be no need for them to believe that other people need to be saved. They might see that there at times when people need help, but this is going to be radically different. Offering assistance is not the same as trying to save/rescue another; the former will empower them and allow them to stand on their own two feet, while the latter will disempower them and set them up to be dependent. Final Thoughts If someone can see that they have the inclination to try to fix others, overlooking their own needs in the process and setting others up to be dependent on them in one way or another, they may need to reach out for external support. By having this external support, it will allow them to face the pain within them that they have been trying to avoid for so long. This support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What someone may find is that it is hard for them to say no, having the tendency to do things that they would rather not do. If this is the case, there is the chance that they have behaved in this way for a little while.
Maybe they have been this way for as long they can remember. As a result of this, saying yes, when they should be saying no, can feel conformable even though it is not going to be something they actually want to say. A Delayed Reaction When they are asked to do something, they might instantly realise that they don’t want to do it, but end up going along with it anyway. At other times, it may take them a while to realise that they have made the wrong decision. If the latter is something that takes place on a regular basis, it could illustrate that they often lose touch with how they feel. Consequently, their focus will generally be directed away from their inner world and towards the outer world. Weighed Down Through having the inclination to ignore themselves, a lot of ‘negative’ emotions may have built-up within them. These emotions could make it hard for them to feel alive and to experience inner harmony. If they were to connect to how they feel, they may find that they feel angry, resentful, trapped and even powerless. And, unless they do something different, the pain within them is likely to build-up even more. The Next Step Let’s say that they do get the point where they no longer want to experience life in this way, they may end up looking online for guidance. This could be a time when they will be encouraged to be more assertive. The key will be for them to tune into themselves before they make a decision and to see how they feel. Therefore, instead of being solely focused on what is going on externally, they will also be focused on what is taking place internally. A New Outlook In addition to changing their focus, they may also be told that they need to change the way that they perceive their own needs. For so long, they may have believed that other people’s needs are more important than their own; hence why they have typically ignored their needs. Over time, then, their life will change as long as they implement what they have learnt and keep going until behaving in this way becomes the norm. This could take a matter of weeks or even months, if not longer. A Different Experience Then again, they may find it hard to get in touch with their needs and, even if they do, they feel too uncomfortable to listen to them. Going along with what someone else wants is then going to feel safe; whereas the idea of standing their ground could cause them to feel extremely uncomfortable. They might not just feel slightly unconformable either as their whole body could lighten up. Furthermore, embracing their needs could be something that causes them to experience a fair amount of shame and guilt. Final Thoughts If so, this may show that they are carrying trauma. Perhaps their younger years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to reveal their needs, which is why they had to disconnect from them and to act like an extension of others. It might then be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to be told that they have ‘low self-esteem’, that’s if their life is a certain way and/or if they behave in a certain way. The same thing could also be said if they experience a lot of ‘negative’ thoughts.
So, someone may find that it is hard for them to assert themselves and to say no at the right time. Or, perhaps they have settled for a job that is not fulfilling or are in a relationship that doesn’t serve them. The List Goes On There are many other things that are seen as being a sign of low self-esteem, and as time passes, more things are bound to be added. Based on this, if someone is in this position it will be vital for them to increase their self-esteem. In a way, it will be as though self-esteem is a liquid and, as their liquid is low, they will need to top it up. Once this part of them has been tipped up, the different symptoms that they have will disappear. A Common Approach If they were to reach out for support, they may be told that this will take place when they change their ‘negative’ thoughts and beliefs. Monitoring their mind and choosing to have ‘positive’ thoughts will be vital, as will challenging what they believe about themselves. They could also be told that they need to focus on what they are good at, to be compassionate to themselves, and to start saying no, amongst other things. After applying what they have learnt for a number of weeks or months, they may start to see an increase in the amount of self-esteem ‘liquid’ that they have within them. The Main Focus When this approach is taken, someone’s emotional body is likely to be overlooked. Still, as it is commonly believed that ‘it is all about the mind’ when it comes to mental, emotional and behavioural problems, this might not even stand out. They might not even realise that they have an emotional body and the person who gives them this advice might not realise it either. It is then not that anything is being overlooked as its existence is unknown. The Root Another way to look at the emotional body would be to say that it is the unconscious mind. This is the part that someone’s mind can be disconnected from, with this being the result of years and years of repression. Their unconscious mind will then just be below their head, but due to how disconnected they are from it, it can be as though it is located on another planet. Nonetheless, while they can have a very weak connection with this part of them, what is taking place in this part of them can be what is causing them to have low self-esteem. The Root If this is the case, what is taking place up top is merely going to be reflection of what is taking place down below. Therefore, trying to change what is taking place up top can cause them to become even more estranged from what is taking place in their body. Their body will be trying to communicate with them, but instead of listening to this part of them and looking into what is going on, they will try to push it away again. Like a parent that ignores their child, they will ignore their bodies cry for attention. Final Thoughts When it comes to what is taking place in their body, it can be the result of what they experienced during the beginning of their life. What happened will then be ‘in the past’, but the emotional experience of what happened will be held in their body. Through processing the emotional pain that is in their body, they may find that their mind starts to settle down, that they become more loving to themselves, and that they feel better. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Self: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up Disconnect From Their Emotional Self?13/5/2019
Although human beings are made up of many different selves, such as an intellectual and an emotional self, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet is in touch with each of these selves. If someone is in touch with each part of themselves, it could be said that they will be operating as a whole human being.
One will be able to think clearly and they will be in touch with their feelings. Through being this way, it will be possible for them to not only perform a certain job well, they will also be able to form deeper connections with others. One Benefit This is because their emotional self will be what allows them to truly connect with others, whereas their intellectual self alone is not going to allow this to take place. Furthermore, their emotional self will also provide them with guidance. So, when it comes to whether or not they should do something or if they should say yes or no, for instance, this part of them will give them the information that they need. This part of them will tell them what their needs are. It Doesn’t Stop One way of looking at this would be to say that their emotional self is their inner guidance system. No matter what time of the day it is or where they are, this part of them will always be there. To live a fulfilling life, it will be essential for them to listen to this part of them and to utilise the information that it provides. Going against this part of them is only going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily. Off Track If one was to look back on their life, they may see that there have been times when they have ignored this part of themselves. Consequently, it might not have been long until they paid the price. Then again, there may have been a time in their life when this was just how their life was, meaning that ignoring themselves was normal. They are then going to be only too familiar with what it is like to ignore this part of themselves. Inner Directed Being this way doesn’t mean that one will completely overlook other people needs; what it means is that they won’t be interested in living a life where they ignore their needs and are totally consumed with other people’s needs. Putting their own needs to one side from time to time is going to be radically different to always doing this. Also, being connected to how they feel doesn’t mean that they will constantly be expressing how they feel, either. They will realise that there is a time to express how they feel and a time to keep how they feel to themselves, containing what is taking place within them. Another Reality If someone isn’t in touch with their emotional self, only having a connection to their intellectual self, they are not going to be operating as a whole human being. As a result of this, they probably won’t have a very good connection with their body. There is then the chance that they won’t have trouble thinking clearly, but that it will be a challenge for them to connect to how they feel and to know what their needs are. When they are at work they could be fine, yet when they are around others, it could be a different story. Unaware Due to being out of touch with their emotional self, their connections with others are unlikely to be very deep. And if they are in a relationship, their partner could often tell them that they are distant and even emotionally unavailable. Still, one could be out of touch with this part of themselves and not even realise it. There can then be moments when they feel empty, and they may see that they don’t feel strongly connected to anyone, but it doesn’t mean that they will look into what is going on. Enough is enough If someone like this was to get to the point where living in this way was too painful, no longer wanting to feel cut off from themselves, others or even numb, they could end up looking into what is going on. What they could find out is that the reason they are experiencing life in this way is because they have experienced trauma. Disconnecting from their body, along with their emotional self in the process, was a way for them to survive what happened to them. Thus, in the same way that they would leave an environment if it was dangerous, they left their body as it was too painful for them to inhabit it. In The Past This may relate to what they have been through as an adult or it could go back to what took place during their early years. If it goes back to their early years, there is the chance that they were abused and/or neglected. This would have been a time when they were not equipped to deal with a lot of pain, yet their whole system would have felt overwhelmed on a daily/weekly basis. The only way for them to handle this pain would have been to leave their body. Awareness What kept them alive as a child is now going to be making their life harder than it needs to be. Even so, this is not to say that one should try to dive into their body and to deal with the pain that is there. For one thing, this approach could end up overwhelming them, but, as they have been out of touch with their body for so many years, it is highly unlikely that they will just be able to get back in there. Getting back in touch with this part of them can take a little while, irrespective of how committed they are. If one can relate to this, and they want to become an integrated human being, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about how important it is for people to open up about how they feel. This is often put forward as a way for someone to handle the pain that arises within them.
In the past, however, it was radically different as people’s inner problems were generally ignored. What was taking place externally was what mattered, with what was taking place internally being seen as being irrelevant in most cases. One Example There was even a time when people with inner problems were seen as being possessed by demonic forces. It was commonly believed that this was something that could be resolved by cutting a hole in someone’s skull, so that the evil within them could be released. At another point in history, someone who had inner problems was either abandoned to live on the streets or sent to live a life of isolation. This was due to the effect that someone like this would have on their relative’s life. A Different World Thankfully, a lot has changed over the years, which has made it easier for someone who is not in a good way to get the assistance that they need. Nowadays, there are helpliness and counsellors who are available, among other things. In addition to this, as has been mentioned above, there is less pressure on them to keep their inner pain to themselves. As the saying goes, a trouble shared is a trouble halved, and this comes down to the fact that they, like everyone else on his planet, are interdependent. Not Separate If they were their own island, they wouldn’t need anyone else; they would be able to do everything by themselves and would truly be ‘independent’. Opening up about what is going on for them with someone who they trust can then enable them to feel lighter. Not only this, as they are opening up about this part of them it will show that they are not disconnected from their emotions. If this was the case, they would look whole on the outside but they wouldn’t be operating as a whole human being on the inside. Divided Still, even though they would look whole on the outside, it doesn’t mean that their behaviour won’t give the game away, so to speak. Through being out of touch with the emotional part of their being, it will be a challenge for them to deeply connect with others. They can then have people in their life, yet the bond that they have with them can only be skin deep. And if they in a relationship with someone, it can also just be a very surface level bond. Another Side At the same time, even though more people have been opening up and sharing their ‘troubles’, plenty of people have been ending their life and have mental problems. As a result of this, some people have said that talking about feelings doesn’t help; if anything, it just creates more problems. If, then, more people kept what was taking place within them to themselves, the amount of people who kill themselves and have mental problems would be far lower. The trouble with this is that it is based on the view that the people who have killed themselves had the tendency to open up to others about their feelings and the people who have mental problems behave in the same way, too. Correlation Is Not Causation For one thing, before someone ended their life, there is the chance that they kept their feelings to themselves. Thus, to say that keeping everything in would stop people from taking their life wouldn’t be totally accurate. When it comes to the people with mental problems, they might not have been in a good way long before they started to open up. Someone like this may find that while opening up to another person doesn’t stop them from suffering; it is lot better than keeping everything within them and pretending that everything is fine. Another Point Even if more people are taking their life than ever before, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the old approach was better. What it can show is that more people are choosing to end their life straight away as opposed to committing slow suicide. Therefore, instead of slowly killing themselves by drinking too much, taking too many drugs, staying in a job that they can’t stand and/or driving recklessly, for instance, and creating the impression that everything is fine, they are almost instantly putting an end up their suffering. Due to social pressure, religion and commonly held beliefs, for instance, perhaps more people in the past went along with this kind of existence but now that society has changed, there is less pressure to do so. Avoidance One of the reasons why someone would believe that talking about feelings is the reason why more people are killing themselves and have metal problems can be because they don’t have a good relationship with their own emotions. Without realising it, people like this can remind them of the part of themselves that they don’t want to come into contact with. Criticising the people who do open up is then going to be a way for them to keep this part of themselves at bay. It is then not that they are disconnected from themselves; no, it is that these people need to become stronger or to stop being so sensitive, or whatever they come out with. Conclusion While there will be times when opening up will be all that is needed, there will be other times when this won’t be enough. If, for example, someone has experienced trauma and this has had a big effect on their whole being, they will most likely need to work through it. Simply talking about what they are going through is unlikely to solve anything in the long-run, and it could cause them even more pain. By working with a therapist or a healer, they may gradually be able to work through the pain that is within them and to emotionally settle down.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk True-Self: Can Someone Lose Touch With Their True-Self If They Disconnect From Their Feelings?10/5/2019
In order for someone to be in touch with all of their feelings, they will need to be in touch with their body. The reason for this is that their feelings are primarily found in their body, not their head.
Ergo, if someone has a good connection with their body, it will allow them to connect with all of their feelings. Through having this connection with this part of their being, they will also be aware of what their needs are. Inner Directed Their feelings will provide them with the guidance that they need to live a life that is fulfilling. For example: their body will tell them if they should say yes or no, if they should stay where they are or go somewhere else, or of they should move closer to someone or further away from them. Their body is then going to continually provide them with information, which will be there to serve them. Following this information won’t mean that their life will always go to plan, but it will certainly stop them from experiencing a lot of things that don’t serve them. Another Component Being in touch with their body and allowing this information to influence them is going to be what feels safe. Not living in this way is going to feel uncomfortable, and this could be seen as the ideal scenario. If this wasn’t the case and one didn’t feel safe enough to express what was within them, it would be normal for them to neglect themselves. Their life would most likely be an expression of other people’s needs instead. A Different Experience However, if someone doesn’t have a good connection with their body, it will mean that the information that is within them will typically be overlooked. There may be certain feelings that they experience, but it will be a challenge for them to connect to all of their feelings. The feelings that they can connect with from time to time could be frustration, anger, shame, guilt and even sadness. Yet, although they may be familiar with these feelings, they are still likely to spend a lot of time in their head. Outer Directed As a result of this, they will probably look towards the external world for guidance. Doing what other people want, along with what they think they want, will be their main priority. Living in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval, but due to the fact that they are generally out of touch with their own feelings, their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling. And even if their feelings try to come up to the surface, they could soon push them down again. Their Own Enemy This is not to say that they will consciously push their feelings down as this is likely to be something that will take place unconsciously. Whenever they come up, they could instantly do or take something to send them back down. If only they were to allow their feelings to come up and to listen to them, they could start to change their life. What this illustrates is that even though their life is not very fulfilling, it is not so bad that they will want to do anything about it. Protection If they were to get out of their head and to connect to their body, they may end up being overwhelmed with pain. Their body is not going to be seen as a part of them that can provide them with guidance; it will be seen as a part of them that carries a lot of pain and needs to be avoided at all costs. Staying out of their body and therefore, avoiding their feelings, is going to be a way for them to protect themselves. Thus, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to avoid this part of their being, bearing in mind how much pain there is within them. A Long Time Ago The reason why there is so much pain in their body could be because of what has occurred in their adult life and/or it could go back to what took place during their early years. If it goes back to what place when they were younger, the pain they experienced as an adult will have gone on top of the pain that was already there. At this stage of their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. The trauma that they experienced would have overwhelmed their system and the only way for them to survive would have been to disconnect from their body. The Solution Becomes the Problem Disconnecting from their body would have allowed them to survive this time in their life, but now that they are an adult, being out of touch with their body is not going to serve them. The only way that they will be able to embrace life is if they are able to embrace their whole being. Said another way, the connection that one has with themselves defines the connection that they have with everything else. It is then going to be essential for one to embrace their body if they want to embrace life. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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