While someone’s relationships can be an expression of their true-self, they can also be an expression of their false-self. What this means is that one can be surrounded by people who don’t know who they really are.
Unaware Even so, this doesn’t mean that these people will realise this, and this is because they could believe that it is a reflection of their true nature. But if one has been this way for as long as they have known them, then there is going to be no reason for them to have a different outlook. Along with this, these people are likely to be friends with them due to how they behave, and so this is also going to play a part in why they are unlikely to look into their behaviour. One’s behaviour will then have been what brought them in and what has kept them around. Another Element However, what this could also come down to is that the people around them are also out of touch with who they are. This then stops them from realising that one is disconnected from themselves. Having said that, there could still be moments where they are criticised by some of the people that they are close to. There is the chance that one has become accustomed to this kind of behaviour. A Role One reason why this can take place is that one is likely to play a certain role, and this is going to stop them for being able to function as a whole human being. This can then mean that they will feel only feel comfortable when it comes to displaying certain behaviours. When it comes to the people they spend their time with, they are also likely to be in the same position. Thus, there will be moments when they spend time with people who display the same behaviour as they do and moments when they spend time with people whose behaviour is the complete opposite. The Missing Piece One way of looking at it would be to say that one is missing something, and through being this way, they end up with people who are also missing something. Through coming together, they supply what the other person doesn’t have. However, this is nothing more than an illusion, and this comes down to the fact that one is not missing anything. The people around them are also not missing anything, but this doesn’t mean that it is possible for someone to realise this through thinking differently, for instance. Deep Work In order for this to take place, there is that chance that they will need to work on their mind and their body, and this is why it is rarely a short-term process. It can be a time when one will be working through the pain that is within them, and this is going to take courage. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to carry on as they are, and their life could end up getting even worse. What can also play a part in this is that people are not encouraged to face themselves in today’s world; what is normal is to avoid pain and to life a life of escapism. A Common Dynamic When it comes to how one behaves in their relationships, they could come across as easy going. It might not matter how badly people treat them, as they could tolerate whatever takes place. Some of the people that they spend their time with could come across as abusive, and this is likely to create conflict. There could be times when they appreciate how one behaves and times when they have a go at them for being too passive, for instance. The Problem One can then be seen as the person who needs to change and the other person can believe that they have it altogether. There is then no need to for them to change their behaviour, and one will need to work on themselves. However, even if one was to realise that they are not the only ones who need to change, it doesn’t mean that they will speak out. If they were to think about standing up for themselves, they could believe that something bad would happen, and it could cause them to experience fear and anxiety. Anger What this can show is that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own anger, and this is why they allow people to walk all over them. It then won’t matter if they feel angry, as it won’t be possible for them to stand their ground. Yet when it comes to some of the people that they spend their time with, they also have trouble with their anger. On one hand, they can express how they feel, but on the other hand, it is something that they have no control over. A New Experience Nevertheless, if one was to get to the point where they were no longer willing to experience life in this way, and they were to gradually integrate their anger, it doesn’t mean that the people round them would accept what is taking place. Instead, they could try to make them return to how they were before. This could be hard for one to understand; especially if they have criticised them in the past for not standing up for themselves, for instance. Yet what this can come down to is that these people don’t feel comfortable when someone is assertive. An Act The reason they don’t feel comfortable can be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life, and this could have been a time when they were taken advantage of in some way. Being around someone who is assertive can not only remind them of what took place; it can also cause them to feel vulnerable and as though they have no control. Whereas when one tolerated bad behaviour, they would have been able to avoid how they felt all those years ago. It is then necessary for them to be defined by their anger, as this is the only way for them to feel safe. Awareness What this shows it that when one changes their inner world, it doesn’t always mean that their outer world will follow suite. One may find that they no longer want to spend time around the same people, and that it is their best interest to walk away (that’s if they are unable to grow together). The kind of people they are drawn to will then reflect their true-self as opposed to their false-self. In order for one to integrate their anger, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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While there are some people who feel like a victim from time to time, there are others who pretty much always feel this way. When one can relate to the former, it is unlikely to be something that will have an effect on how they see themselves.
Momentary But if it does have an effect on how they see themselves, there is the chance that this won’t be something that will last for very long. For example, something could take place in their life and then they could end up feeling as though the world is against them. Or this could also be an outlook that arises if one was to go through a bad patch in their life. Nevertheless, they are not going to be pulled into the experience, and it will then be possible for them to return to how they were before. A Way of Life On the other hand, this is not going to be the case when one more or less always feels like a victim. In this case, it is likely to have an effect on how they see themselves, and this is going to be an identity that influences their whole life. Through being this way, one is going to be used to having experiences in their life that have a negative effect on how they feel. But even if they don’t, it is not going to mean that they will feel good about themselves. Powerless When it comes to their emotional state, it is going to be normal for them to feel helpless, and as though they have no control over their life. There life is then not going to be very fulfilling, but there is not going to be anything that they can do about it. This can then mean that one will have to use other ways to experience control, and this can take place through looking for attention. By talking about how they experience life, it could cause other people to be drawn to them. Two Parts These people could then see them as someone who needs to be rescued, and they will be only too happy to fulfil their needs. Through having an effect on these people, one can feel as though they finally have an effect on their environment. However, what these people can also do is to take advantage of them in some way, and one will then end up feeling like they did before they came into contact with them. What this can come down to is that one can attract people who are controlling or smothering, for instance, and this will stop them from being able to express themselves. Relationships Therefore, one is going to be used to having relationships with people who are only too happy to take advantage of them. So while people can be attracted to how one comes across in the beginning, they can end up being repelled by how they come across as time goes by. What this can also show is that although these kinds of people act as though they want to help them, this is nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, this can be a way for these people to get their own needs met, and when this doesn’t happen, the resentment will gradually start to build-up within them. Other Areas Along with what happens in their personal relationships, there is also going to be what happens in their career. But if one is not at this stage yet and they are still in the education system, it could still be somewhere that causes them to suffer. One could believe that other people are treated better, or that certain employees are against them. If one is still a student, they could say that their lecturers don’t like them, or that their fellow students are out to get them. A New Experience However, no matter what area of life is in question, it is unlikely that it will bring them a lot of fulfilment. But as they feel powerless, it could be said that that this is to be expected. In order for one to experience life differently, it will be important for them to feel as though they have the ability to do so. Without this inner strength, they will continue to experience life in the same way. Conflict Yet if they were to come across someone who told them that they are not a victim and that they do have control over their life, it doesn’t mean that it would have an impact on them. And even if one was to come to realise this for themselves, they could still find it hard to accept. If one was to think about this, it could cause them to feel unconformable, and this could show that they only know how to function when they feel as though they are a victim. It is then not just how they behave; it is seen as a reflection of who they are. Normal One way of looking at this would be to say that this is not much of a surprise, as it is likely to be how they have experienced life for quiet some time. This could be a sign that something happened in their adult years that caused them to feel helpless and as though they have no control, or it could go back to their childhood. If it goes back to what took place during the beginning of their life, it would explain why one only knows who they are when they act like a victim. This is likely to be a time where they were a victim, and this could be because they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. Undeveloped This would then have meant that their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and they would have had no other choice than to feel like a victim. At first, it would have been an experience, and then as time passed, it would have become an identity. Time has then passed, but one still has the same outlook, and this is why they continue to experience life in the same way as they did when they were younger. Yet as they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed in order to develop a sense of self, it is not going to be possible for them to simply create a new identity. Awareness One’s is life is going to be an expression of their false-self, and this is why they are suffering unnecessarily. Once they get in touch with their true-self, they will begin to realise that they are not a victim. For this to take place, it will be important for one to work through the pain that is within them, and for them to receive the positive regard that they missed out on as a child. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one generally ignores their own needs and focuses on other people’s needs, they can be described as someone who rescues others. As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to neglect their own life.
Out of Balance It could be said that while it is good thing that one doesn’t ignore other people’s needs, there is no reason for them to ignore their own needs. The ideal will be for them to be for others and to be there for themselves. When one doesn’t experience life in this way, they are going to be used to running on empty, so to speak. Ultimately, they will give far more than they receive, and this will lead to a tiring existence. A New Beginning However, although experiencing life in this way is not going to be in one’s best interest, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to simply change their life. For one thing, they could believe that this is just how life is and that they haven’t got a choice in the matter. Along with this, there is likely to be the kind of feedback that they get from other people, and this could cause them to believe that they are doing the ‘right’ thing. The approval that they get from others will then make their life easier. Pain There can then be times when they feel good, and times when they wonder what is going on with their life. The feedback that they get from others will allow them to disconnect from how they feel from time to time. But as the pain within them wont simply disappear; there could be times when they end up behaving differently. The people around them could then come to the conclusion that their behaviour is out character, but this won’t be the complete truth. Anger What this is likely to show is that they have allowed themselves to acknowledge how they feel, and as they rarely do this, it is to be expected that there will be moments when they explode. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that they will end up changing their behaviour, as they could soon return to how they were before. This is likely to come down to the fact that they will feel guilty and ashamed after they have expressed how they feel. So in order to make themselves feel better, they could end up doing what they usually do. A Common Occurrence If people rarely tried to rescue others in today’s world, then it would be easier of one to realise that they don’t need to experience life in this way. But as this is something that so many people do, there is less chance of this taking place. One could come across people who are used to be rescued, or they could be in the same position as they are. Through being around these types of people, there is going to be no reason for one to reflect on their own behaviour. An Analogy This is then going to be similar to what happens when one has been in a room for a while that has a certain smell; they will soon get used to it and it will no longer register. But if someone else was to come into the room, they would notice it straight away. When it relates to being rescued or rescuing others, this kind of behaviour is only going to stand out when someone doesn’t experience life in this way. Yet if one generally rescues others, they are unlikely to spend much time around people who don’t experience life as they do. Selfish And even if they were to come across someone who didn’t neglect their own needs, they could see them as being someone who only thinks about themselves. They could then come to the conclusion that the other person needs to change. In their eyes, there could be two options: either one ignores their own needs, or they ignore other people’s needs. This is then going to be something that is black and white, and there won’t be another option. A New Outlook If one was to get to the point where they had had enough of overlooking their own needs, it could cause them to look for answers. Part of them could be no longer willing to experience life in this way. Even so, this doesn’t mean that part of them won’t want to hold onto how their life has been for so long. They could begin to wonder who they will be if they were to change their behaviour. An Identity One way of looking at this would to be to say that this is to be expected as they have experienced life in this way for so long; however, there is also the chance that they have always been this way. It is then not just how their life has been during their adult years; it is how it has been since the beginning of their life. If they have always put other people’s needs before their own, this is likely to be a sign that they had to fulfil their caregiver needs during their childhood years. This would have meant that their needs were ignored, and it wouldn’t have been possible for them to develop a sense of self. An Act Instead, they would have had no choice but to develop a false-self and this would have been something that allowed them to survive. This would have also set them up to feel ashamed of their own needs. So if one was to let go of this act and to no longer rescue others, they are likely to end up feeling empty, and as though they no longer have a purpose. But if they were to stay with this emptiness and to see what is underneath, they are likely to end up getting in touch with how they felt all those years ago. Awareness In order for one to create an identity where they no longer need to rescue others, it is going to be important for them to embrace their true-self. This can take place through working through the pain that is within them and for their true nature to be affirmed, among other things. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While social media can be seen as somewhere where people can be themselves, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. Instead, it can be normal for someone to feel the need to come across in a certain way.
No Different Their experiences online will then be similar to the experiences that they have in the real world. Therefore, even though they are behind a screen, they are still going to experience a lot of pressure. However, when it comes to how they come across online, they will have far more control than they do offline. Based on this, it could be said that it will be easier for them to come across in a certain way online. True-Self Now, this is not to say that there won’t be people who do express their true-self online, as there are likely to be people who do. And although some of them might not be able to do this in real world, it won’t apply to all of them. If one is unable to, social media will be somewhere where they can be themselves, and this will then have a positive effect on their life. But if one does feel the need to put on an act online, then it won’t have the same impact. False-Self One can then believe that they are being themselves, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Yet if one presents themselves in a way that allows them to receive approval, they might not realise what has happened. Their attention will on what is taking place externally as opposed to what is taking place within them. The kind of responses that they get online could then end up defining how they feel about themselves. Two Sides What this shows is that it will be a challenge for them to experience inner stability when they are dependent on the approval of others. If they get the feedback they want, they could be fine, but if they don’t, they could end up hitting rock bottom. One could then take a step back and see how they are playing a game that they can’t win, or they could simply end up trying to do more. Their emotional state will then continue to be controlled by other people. Appearance When it comes to coming across in the right way, this is something that is likely to apply to how they look. But this is not going to take much effort, as one will be to edit their pictures and to choose what images they upload. The level of control that they have here is going to be far greater than what they would have in the real world. So even though uploading the right pictures will take time, it could be seen as time well spent. The Right Look When it comes to what they believe is the right look, it could be the result of what they think looks right and what other people look like. However, it would inaccurate to say that these two elements are separate, as the former is going to be influenced by the latter. What this will then emphasise is how they are being influenced by social media, and out of their need to fit in, they feel the need to make sure that their appearance matches up with how other people look. Having said that, it could be sad that this is part of life and not something that is negative per se. A Clone For example, if one was unable to see how other people present themselves, they would find it hard to know what to do. This is because it is through being around others that human beings learn and develop. One’s environment plays a significant role when it comes to how they present themselves, and the online world can be seen as another environment. But this doesn’t mean that one has to completely copy another person’s appearance, as they can still define how they look. Other Areas of Life Having the right appearance could be as far as one will go, but then again, there could be more to it. What this could mean is that one won’t share their own views on their wall or share things that match up with their own outlook. Instead, they could feel the need to share the kinds of things that they believe other people will agree with. This could also have an effect on the kind of things that they ‘like’ and comment on. Conformity After doing this for a while, they might lose touch with their own views, and the views that they embody could be seen as their own. Once again, their need to fit in will have stopped them for being able to express themselves. Even so, this will be what they feel comfortable with, and their need to belong will end up taking precedence. One is then no longer an individual who thinks for themselves, they are simply an extension of others, and what is going on in their mind will be no different to what is going on in the minds of others. Conclusion Thus, although social media is seen as somewhere there one can express themselves; this is not the complete truth. In many ways, it is simply another area where they can feel the need to ‘go along to get along’. This is then going to make it harder for them to come up with their own views and ideas in life. Along with this, one could end up giving their support to things that are destructive; whereas if they were able to think for themselves, it would give them the chance to take a step back and to put their energy into the right things.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to how one sees themselves, they can be their own best friend or their own worst enemy. What this shows is how important their self-image is, and if they want to lead a fulfilling existence, it will be necessary for them to see themselves in a positive light.
At Times Now, this is not to say that one should always see themselves in this way, as there are likely to be times when this won’t be appropriate. For example, if one has acted destructively towards another, it will be normal for them to see themselves differently. Still, this will show that they have done something wrong and not that they are wrong. As a result of this, this is unlikely to be an inner experience that lasts for very long, and it will then be possible for them to return to how they were before. Alternatively However, when one has a negative view of themselves, they will be used to feeling bad. It then won’t matter what they do, as they are only going to be able to experience life in one way. But even if they haven’t done anything wrong, they could still come to the conclusion that they have. Through being this way, it is likely to mean that they will spend a lot of their time judging themselves. Self-Harm There is then going to be no reason for them to be with others in order to be harmed, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. And as they harm themselves, there is a strong chance that they will be drawn to people who are abusive. If other people were to see what is taking place, they could see them as a victim, and this is because they don’t realise that what is taking place externally is a reflection of what is taking place within them. Thus, if one was to spend time with people who treated them differently, it is unlikely to feel right. Self-Sabotage The way they view themselves is then going to make it harder for them to spend time with people who are healthy. Not only this, it is also likely to be a challenge for them to move forward in their career. They could believe that they don’t deserve to be successful, or that they haven’t got what it takes. Ultimately, their life will be on hold, and they are going to be unable to make the most of the life that they have been given. Another Aspect And along with how one sees themselves, there can also be what they believe their purpose is. For example, one could believe that they are here to make a difference, and this could mean that they want to stop the injustice that is taking place in the world. This could be something that has influenced their career choice and/or it could be something that affects their day-to-day life. If it has had an impact on both of these areas, they could find it hard to relax. Two Parts On one side, there will be what they are drawn to at a global level, and on the other side, there will be what is taking place in their own life. Either way, there is generally going to be someone who will capture their attention. But if it doesn’t relate to an individual, it can be some kind of organisation instead. One could believe that they are ‘good’ and the person (or organisation) that they are focused on is ‘bad’. Emotional Experience This could mean that they will be used to feeling like a victim and seeing other people as the perpetrators. Yet although they will feel powerless and hopeless, these feelings will soon be covered up by anger. Through feeling this way, it will give them the energy that they need to ‘change the world’, or to put an end up what is taking place in their own life. Having said that, it is not always going to be this simple, and one will need to be patient or to find another problem to focus on. Stress It is then going to mean that they are likely to experience a lot of stress, and this is not going to be good for their wellbeing. Nevertheless, behaving in this way is going to give them a sense of control, and this is partly why they won’t be able to stop. If fact, if they were to take a step back and to experience life differently, they could feel a deep sense of emptiness. What this will then show is that they only know who they are when they have an enemy. An Agenda One way of looking at this would be to say that one is not being drive by the need to change the world; they are being driven by their need to avoid themselves. And when they have an enemy, it will be something that gives their life meaning. It is then not that one just happens to come across people who are out to cause harm or people who are being harmed; it is that one is actively looking for these kinds of situations. This is not to say that this takes place consciously, as it is likely to take place at a deeper level. A Short-Term Solution Not only will this allow them to know who they are and to experience a sense of control, it will also give them the opportunity to experience an emotional release. Through having a cause or someone to fight, they can express the anger and rage that is within them. Yet even though this is something that will take place, it doesn’t mean that it will have a lasting effect on them. As no matter what they do, there is a strong chance that their emotional state will return to how it was before. A Deeper Look What this can show is that there was a time in their life when they were harmed, and although time has passed, what took place is still defining their life. This could be a sign that one was abused and/or neglected during their childhood years. Their needs would then have rarely, if ever, have been met, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self. This is why they need to have some kind of adversary in order to know who they are, as without this the only thing that would be left is how they felt when they were being harmed. Power It is then not a case of one letting go of their need to have an enemy and then settling down; it is that they can have an enemy and feel strong, or they can experience life differently and feel powerless. But even though the people they come into contact with can be seen as the cause of how they feel, they are simply a trigger of what is taking place within them. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is trying to get revenge for something that took place years ago. This is also something that is described as ‘repetition compulsion’, and this is where one recreates the past in order to change the outcome. Awareness The wounded part within them causes one to do this so that they can receive what they were unable to receive during the beginning of their life. However, as the past is over and it is not going be possible for this to occur, it just sets one up to suffer unnecessarily. If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it will be important for them to face the pain that is with them and for them to develop a sense of self. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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While someone can do everything they can do displease others, they can also have the opposite approach. In this case, it is going to be normal for them to overlook their own needs.
Point of Focus One is then not going to pay attention to what is taking place within them, they are going to be primarily concerned with what is taking place externally. And this can then mean that they are not even aware of what is taking place within. But even if they are aware, it is unlikely to matter, and this is because other people’s needs are going to be more important. What this will show is that it is not going to be possible for them to express their true-self. Covered Up Through being in a position here they are unable to be themselves, it is going to cause them to experience pain. However, even though this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that this pain will consume their life. Through doing what other people want them to do (or what they think they want them to do), it will allow them to experience positive feelings and thoughts. As a result of this, how they feel at a deeper level will generally be kept at bay. A Motivating Factor The kind of feedback that they receive through pleasing others will give them the energy to carry on doing the same thing. There is then going to be no reason for them to change, and they will continue to put on an act. Therefore, unless they no longer receive the same amount of approval from others, there is not going to be much chance of them changing course. And if this was something that changed, they could simply end up doing more for people. An Analogy This is then similar to what would happen if one needed to have a drink and they had run out of money. On one side of the spectrum, they could end up asking a friend for money, and on the other side, they could go to store and try to steal something. What this comes down to is that when the desire is there, they are not going to be able to put it to one side. The external source that is in control of their behaviour is then different, but they are still going to suffer in one way or another. Belief Now, if one has been able to please people for quiet some time and then his starts to change, then it is to be expected that they will look for other ways to achieve the same outcome. Their past experiences will give them the encouragement that they need in order to keep going. Yet, even if one has pleased people in the past, it doesn’t mean that they have always been able to do this. There will have been times when other people will have responded differently, and there may have even been moments when other people reacted in an extremely negative manner. Compulsion Even so, when one needs to please other people and they can’t take a step back; they are not going to want to face reality. Their whole life is going to revolve around doing what other people want. Something within them will be forcing them to do this, and they could even end up feeling as though they are possessed. So even if they wanted to change their behaviour, it doesn’t mean that this will be seen as something that can take place. True-Self One could also wonder when they will be able to be themselves in life, instead of having to play a role all the time. As they play a role, it is going to mean that most people don’t know who they are, and this is going to lead to an empty existence. It won’t matter if they are with others or by themselves, as they are likely to feel disconnected. This then shows that one is experiencing inner conflict, and if this wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t need to play a role. Life or Death If one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they only feel comfortable when they focus on other people. In fact, they could feel as though their very survival rests upon pleasing others. Therefore, even though one looks as though they are there for others, they are really there for themselves. But unless they are able to realise that they can survive without having to ignore their own needs, their life is not going to change. A Deeper Look As one has their one needs, it can be hard to understand why they would feel this way; especially as there are people who do feel comfortable fulfilling their needs. What this is likely to show is that their childhood years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves. During this time, they would have had to take care of their caregivers needs, and this would have been what allowed them to be approved of. And at this age, it would have been a matter of life or death. Defined By the Past The years have then passed but one’s life is still being affected by what took place during the beginning of their life. What this shows is how powerful these early experiences are, and that it is not possible for one to run away away from what took place. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. Through dealing with the trauma within them, they will gradually be able to live their own life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While some people feel comfortable embracing all of their feelings, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, they are not going to experience life in the same way, and when it comes to people who fall into the second category, their life is going to be harder than it needs to be.
A Purpose What this comes down to is that each feeling has a purpose, and when one is unable to embrace every feeling on the spectrum, it is going stop them from being able to function as a whole human being. It is then going to be similar to one having a car that gets them from A to B, but that will be as far as it goes. There could be lights that don’t work, the windscreen wipers could be out of use, and/or the air conditioning might no longer work, for instance. There could be times when it is possible for them to overlook these problems, and times when this isn’t the case. Accumulative Along with this, it could only be a matter of time before others things starts to go wrong and the problems they do have could get even worse. In the same way, one might be able to overlook what happens when they can’t embrace a feeling, but this won’t always be the case. And through being this way, there will be the kinds of challenges that arise through one not being able to listen to themselves. However, if this is what feels comfortable, there is not going to be much chance of one doing anything else. Normal One could be in a position where they have been this way for most of their life, and it could then be something they have come to accept. This is then part of their personality and there is no reason for them to behave differently. Still, this is going to stop one from being able to embrace there true-self, and this is because they won’t be able to accept what is taking place within them. There is also a strong chance that the people they surround themselves with also experience life in the same way. Friends and Family On one hand, they could believe that how one comes across is a reflection of who they are, and on the other hand, they could also find it hard to embrace all of their feelings. Due to this, there will be no reason for one to change, or for the people around them to. What could be different here is that one could be drawn to people who can express the feelings that they can’t. It is then to be expected that these people will be a good match for each other, as they are balancing each other out. Another Part Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be conflict, and this comes down to the fact that they are going to press each other’s buttons. For example, if one feels comfortable showing sadness but not anger, they could be drawn to people who are the opposite. This can then mean that one will feel threatened by their anger and the other could talk about how one should to stand up for themselves. One can then feel like victim and the other can end up coming across as a perpetrator. A Mirror What this shows is that one will be drawn to people that have the ability to express what they are unable to, and until they accept the parts that they have rejected within themselves, their life is unlikely to change. But unless one realises what is taking place, it can be normal for them to feel like a victim. This could cause them to try and change others, or they could do what they can to avoid certain people. In the short-term, this might give them a sense of relief, but in the long-term, it won’t allow them to grow and develop. Anger However, if one does have trouble embracing their anger, it won’t be difficult for them to find people who are in the same position. The reason for this is that it is often seen as something that is destructive. Yet even thought this can be seen as something that will cause problems, one is also going to experience problems when they can’t experience it. One way of looking at anger would be to say that it is neutral; it all depends on how it is used. Energy Clearly, one could get angry and they could end up harming someone and/or something. But at the same time, this can be a force that will allow them to stand up for themselves and to go after their dreams, for instance. Ultimately, it is there to offer them feedback, and when one is unable to pay attention to this feedback, it is going to set them up to suffer. The ideal will be for one to have the ability to contain their anger and then to allow it to influence their behaviour. Disconnected When one doesn’t feel comfortable embracing their anger, it can cause them to be walked over and they are likely to find it hard to say ‘no’. It might not matter if they are on the wrong track in life, as they are not going to have the motivation to do anything about it. One could be described as someone who is passive and easy going, and they could have a high tolerance for bad behaviour. If they do experience anger, it could be something that takes place when they are by themselves. A Closer Look What this can show is that it wasn’t safe for them to express their anger during the beginning of their life, and although times have changed, they still feel the same. During these years, one may have been physically abused, and this would have caused them to disconnect from their anger. If they had stood their ground, it might have caused them to experience even more abuse. So although they would still have been abused, it may have stopped them from having to experience even more abuse. Awareness In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to seek external support, and this can be provided by a therapist. This can be a time where one will be dealing with trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Critical Thinking: Do We Stop Thinking When Information Is Presented By An Authority Figure?22/6/2016
When one wants to find out about something there is a strong chance that they will look for someone who has an understanding of what they want of know. They could believe that the most important thing is to find someone who has the right qualifications.
And once this has taken place, they will be able to listen to what they have to say. It is then as if one needs to tick off a box, and once this box has been ticked, they will be able to open their mind. Closed Therefore, unless one is able to find someone who has the right qualifications, their mind is not going to open. Based on this, it could be said that one needs someone to give them the all clear. This would then show that one is not going to think for themselves and that they want someone else to do it for them. One way of looking at this would be to say that one has a sensible approach. For Example If one had a physical problem, it will be important for them to get the right diagnosis, and once they know what is wrong with them, it will allow them to get the right support. The alternative might be for one to ask a friend and to end up being given the wrong advice. By paying a visit to health care practitioner, they will be with someone who knows what they are talking about. And the reason they know this is because they have the right qualifications. The Next Step So when one’s appointment has come to an end, they will be able to walk away knowing that they have received the right advice. What they do to their body is likely to be the result of what they have been told to do. However, while this approach could be seen as the right one when it comes to physical problems, it doesn’t mean that it is always the best option. It could be said that in most cases, the best approach will be for one to think for themselves. Half and Half Now, this is not to say that one shouldn’t pay attention to what other people have to say; what it means is that they should take the time to reflect on what they hear from others. One is then playing an actively role in their life as opposed to allowing other people to define it for them. For one thing, human beings are not infallible, and this means that there are times when they get things wrong. They can then be completely convinced that they are right, but this could be far from the truth. Deception Along with this, there are also people in the world who have an ulterior motive, and this means that they don’t have other people’s best interests at heart. The image they present is then not in alignment with their true agenda. When one is in a position where they only pay attention to people that have the right qualifications, they could believe that it is only normal people who are out to deceive others. The people who haven’t got the right credentials are then going to be the ones that need to be watched. Wide Open Through being this way, one can question (or ignore) what is expressed by someone who is not qualified to say what they are saying, and they can accept everything that is expressed by someone who is. One could say that as these people know what they are talking about, there is no reason for them to question (or ignore) what they present. What will add to this is that there are likely to be plenty of people around them who have the same approach. So as it is human nature to look towards others when it comes to how to behave in any given moment, it could be said that it is to be expected that one won’t feel the need to change their behaviour. Authority Figures One is then doing what other people are doing and they will continue to look towards authority figures to inform them on anything and everything. It could be said that the reason one sees authority figures as having all the answers is because of what took place during their early years and their time in the education system. During these years, one would have been taught up trust other peoples judgement and to overlook their own. They might not have even been shown how to think for themselves; with the focus being on what to think and not how to think. Worthless And through placing these people on a pedestal, it can then be normal for one to dismiss the information that is presented by people who don’t have the ‘right’ qualifications. What they offer can be seen as having no value, and while they could believe that this is the best option, there are going to be times when they will be liming themselves. While these people won’t have initials after their name, for instance, what they will have is the freedom to form their own conclusions. Whereas when it comes to the people who are part of the system, they often have less control, and they may also lack the ability to think for themselves. Approval At the beginning of their lives, they may have had to jump through all kinds of hoops in order to get to where they are. But through doing the right thing, they would have been able to rise to a position of authority. Yet even though they have been able to rise up, it doesn’t mean that their hands are not tied. This is because there is a strong chance that they still have to please others people, and if they don’t do or say the right thing, they could soon lose their position. There is also the chance that being in a position of power allows them to compensate for their own lack of self worth. Being seen as someone who has all the answers is then something that stops them from having to embrace how they truly feel. Conclusion What this emphasis is how important it is for one to think for themselves, and through doing this; it will be a lot easier for them to make the right decisions. If they don’t do this, they will be setting themselves up to be taken advantage of.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
It has been said that one of our greatest needs is to be seen who we really are, and what this shows is that we are not here to hide. Therefore, when it is not possible for someone to fulfil this need, it is going to cause them to suffer.
Part of Life There are going to be people who are used to being seen by others, and this is going to make it easier for them to appreciate life. The people they are closest to will know who they are and there will be no need for them to put on an act around them. When they are out in the world and around people who they don’t know very well, they might not always reveal ho they are. But as this is the exception as opposed to the rule, it is unlikely to be something that will have much of an effect on them. A Choice It could also be said that this will be something that one has control over, and that they will choose to put on an act from time to time. This is because it is not always going to be in one’s best interests to be themselves. For example, one might need to hide how they feel when they are out in the world, or to keep their thoughts to themselves. However, if this was what was normal, it would be a lot harder for them to put up with these instances. On Track Through experiencing life in this way, one is going to feel as though they are on the right path in life. Each day of their life is then going to be used to fulfil their purpose, and this will allow them to lead a meaningful existence. This doesn’t mean that their life will always go to plan or that they will always have their needs met; what it means is that they will save themselves a lot of problems. It could be said that this is because there are two types of pain. Inauthentic Life When one is able to be themselves, there will be the challenges that they are unable to avoid, and this will cause them to experience pain. On the hand, if one was unable to experience life in this way, it would cause them to suffer unnecessarily. Still, when one is unable to live how they want to live, it doesn’t mean that they realise they have a choice. As far as they are concerned, this could be just how life is, and it is then going to be something that they have to put up with. A Burden Their life can then be seen as something that they have to endure and not something that they can enjoy. When one has this outlook, there is a strong chance that their life has always been this way. Whereas if there was a time in their life when this wasn’t the case, they could believe that they don’t have to live life in this way. But without this reference point, it is going to be a lot harder for them to experience hope. Hiding On one side, this could mean that will put on act when they are around others, and on the other side, it could mean that they don’t spend much time around others. If they do spend time around others, these people might not even realise that they are putting on an act. As far as they are concerned, they could believe that their behaviour is a reflection of their personality. One could be seen as someone who is shy or quiet, for instance, or they could describe them as an introvert. Isolation Yet if one spends a lot of time by themselves and generally avoids others, it could cause other people to wonder what is going on for them. Their behaviour can then be seen as being out of the ordinary. Having said that, there is also the chance that they won’t know many people and so there behaviour could end up being overlooked. And while one could identify with the first or the second option, there is also the chance that they will alternate between the two. Different Factors Thus, depending how they feel and what is taking place around them, they could go out into the world and put on an act, or they could isolate themselves. It might then be accurate to say that they are experiencing inner conflict. Part of them wants to go out into the world and be seen, and another part of them doesn’t want to be seen. This is not going to be the same as what happens when someone needs to be by themselves, as they won’t feel the need to hide. The Same Scenario When one feels the need to hide, it won’t matter whether they are by themselves or around others, as it won’t be possible for them to be seen. As the need to be seen is so important, it can be hard for one to comprehend why they would want to hide. However, what this can show is that there was a time in their life when it was safe for them to be seen, and based on what took place, their behaviour could end up being seen as perfectly normal. But as the years have passed, it can stop them from being able to see how their past is still influencing their present. Early Years During the beginning of their life, they may have been brought up by caregivers who were physically abusive, and through being treated in this way, they came to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be seen. Hiding would then have been a way for them to avoid being harmed. Awareness These experiences would have caused one to experience trauma, and this trauma will have stayed within them. Hiding from the world is then not just going to be a way for them to feel comfortable; it will be seen as the only way for them to survive. If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When it comes to the mainstream media, there are a lot of people who believe that its sole purpose is to inform people about what is taking place in the world. Through having this outlook, one will be only too happy to accept just about everything they hear.
Now, if the media did exist to inform people, it wouldn’t matter if one put their critical faculties too one side. But as this is something that is not this black and white, it is going to be important for them to have their guard up, so to speak. Energy In order to do this, one will need to use more energy, and this is because they will have to think about what they hear. Instead of going along with something, it will be necessary for them to take a step back and to hold the information in their mind. When this happens, one is not swallowing it whole and neither are they rejecting it; they are taking the time to look into what into it. Still, there might be no reason for one to think about something. Repetition What this partly comes down to is that the media rarely talks about the same thing once, and so there will be moments when they can dismiss what they hear about. The energy that they save through doing this can be used to question other things. And while taking this approach is going to mean that one will use more effort than if they believed everything they heard, it will make their life easier in the long run. For one thing, they will be protecting their own mind. Clarity Through defining what they let in, it will give them the chance to have a better understanding of what is actually taking place in the world. Now, this is not to say that they will know everything or that they will always come to the right conclusion. What it means is that they will have developed their own views, and that they are not willing to allow other people to control their view of reality. This can then make it easier for them to make better decisions in life. Another Source As a result of this, they are not going to view the mainstream media in the same way that most people do. In their eyes, it will be seen as just another source of information as opposed to the only source that matters. In fact, they could see it as a source of disinformation, and the ‘alternative’ media could be seen as being more reliable. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will accept everything this source comes out with. Irrelevant Based on past experiences, they will realise that the mainstream media can’t be trusted, but even though this is the case, it will be something that they have come to accept. Nevertheless, as they have this outlook, it will stop them from expecting things that can’t be delivered. Thus, if they were to believe something that the media presented and this caused them to be deceived, there will be no reason for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Ultimately, they will know how corrupt the media is and this will generally stop them from being caught up by it. The Other Side However, although there are people who have this approach, there are plenty of other people that don’t. If they want to be informed about the world, there will only be one place to go. This is not to say that they will go along with everything they hear, but they won’t change their behaviour either. It is then going to be similar to someone who stays in a relationship with someone who abuses them. Manipulation An even though one could believe that there are times when they are being deceived; this is likely to be an understatement. Another way of looking at it would be to say that they are pretty much always being deceived in one way or another. The only difference is that there are times when they can recognise this and times when they can’t. So, if one was to take a step back and to take a closer look into what they are exposed to, they might soon see that they are being taken advantage of on a daily basis. Effort Still, as this is something that will require more energy that they normally use, it is unlikely to occur. Instead, one is likely to carry on down the same path, and it will be business as usual for the mainstream media. This then sets them up to be the perfect consumers as far as the media is concerned, and this is because they don’t question anything. This then allows them to carry on with what they are doing and to fulfil their agenda. Thinking It won’t matter if what they are staying doesn’t sound very accurate or falls short when it comes to the facts, for instance, and this will make it a lot easier for them. If, on the other hand, more people questioned what they heard or read about, their job would be a lot harder. It could be said that the reason why the mainstream media has so much influence is because people generally don’t think for themselves. At times, it will be enough for them use information to puts people into a state of fear, and after this has taken place, it won’t matter what they come out with. Conclusion As there are so many ways to be informed about the world, there is no reason why one should blindly follow the mainstream media. It has been sad that a lot of news publishers are losing money, and one way they have tried to counter this is to try and drew people in online through using content that is sensationalistic and/or provocative. As a result of this, a lot of their attention is being given to things that don’t add real value to people’s lives. This kind of content is often described as ‘clickbait’, and it relates to things such as: funny videos and celebrity gossip. The primary reason for this is that these publishers generally make money through adverts, and the more views they get, the more money they will make. It is then clear to see why they are more concerned with gaining people’s attention than they are with informing them about the world they live in.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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