In today’s world, it is not uncommon for people to look for advice on how to be happy. In fact, it could be said that some people see this as being the purpose of life, and as a result of this, it is not going to be something that they can simply overlook.
In The Past Fortunately, there is no shortage when it comes to what one can do in order to fulfil this need. This primarily comes down to the internet, and this is where one will be able to find out about all kinds of answers. But while this is the case, it wasn’t like this before the internet was available, and this meant that it was harder to get hold on this kind of information. Still, as it is easier to get hold of, it could be said that this has may have played a part in their desire to be happy. Human Nature On one side, there is the need to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and so this will have played a part in one wanting to be happy. And on the other side, there can be the need to be happy all the time. The former can be seen as something one was born with, and the latter can be seen as something they have picked up during their time on this planet. Wanting to be happy in life is not going to be the same as always wanting to be happy. A Common Outlook For example, if one was to go online, there are likely to come across information that talks about how they can be happy all the time. Through hearing this, it could have an effect on what they believe is possible. Instead of just wanting to be happy in life, this could be seen as something that is no longer good enough; what will then be good enough will be being happy all the time. And unless they are able to achieve this, they could end up feeling hopeless. Different Perspectives If one wants to be happy in life, it could be said that they want to live a fulfilling life; whereas if they want to be happy to all the time, it could be said that they just want to feel good. In the first case, they are unlikely to be happy all the time, but it is likely to mean is that they will live a life of purpose. In the second case, they are likely to end up having more ‘positive’ feelings, but they could be out of touch with their purpose. Nevertheless, they could believe that their purpose is to experience life from one side of the emotional spectrum. The Contrast If one wanted to be happy in life and they were to achieve this outcome, it is going to mean that there will be moments when they are happy and moments when they are not happy. But through being able to experience life in this way, it will give them a greater appreciation of life. The kind of depth that they experience will be out of reach for someone who ends up being happy all the time. Through being in a positive state, one will soon get used to how they feel and it will then start to lose its effect. Down However, if one is in a position where they are not happy in life, this is not going to something they think about. Their main priority will be to feel better and what happens down the line will be the least of their worries. And if one wants to live a more fulfilling life, they could also be in a vulnerable position. This could mean that they won’t have the ability to think clearly, and this can make them an easy target. Reaching Out When one looks for information on how to be happy, they could end up being drawn to certain people. These could be people who present themselves as being an expert on how to be happy, or they could just appear to have it all together, so to speak. So based on how they come across, one will come to the conclusion that they have the answers. Their critical faculties could then be out of action and everything they hear or read about will go right in. Appearance Along with being happy, these people could also be incredibly attractive; with their face and body being something to behold. This is not to say that one will need to zoom into their body, as they could be wearing clothes that reveal their physique. And through being in awe of their appearance, it could be said that it will be normal for them to go along with what they have to say. In fact, one could even end up putting them on a pedestal. Stepping Back One way of looking at this would be to say that these people are happy and so there is no reason why one wouldn’t pay attention to what they have to say. Another way of looking at it would be to say that these kinds of people don’t experience life in the same way that most people do. This will be an outlook that is even more relevant when it comes to attractive women, as this is because it will be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others. And based on the kind of feedback that these people generally get from others, it is going to be a lot easier for them to be happy. A Different Reality Due to what they look like, it is not going to take a lot of effort for them to get their needs met, and as a result of this, it can be as if they live on a different planet. It can easier for them to attract the kind of partner they want, and it can allow them to progress faster in their career. Also, through using social media, they can receive positive feedback from others without needing to be around people. Approval from others is then always at hand and this is going to have a positive effect on them. Conclusion Now, this is not to say that one shouldn’t listen to what they have to say, or that they are always happy; what it comes down to is that their appearance will have an effect on how they experience life. Yet even though someone can be attractive, they can still be deeply unhappy and extremely insecure.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
0 Comments
When someone achieves something, they could tell other people about it or they could simply carry on with their life. As a result of this, there is the chance that everyone they know will find out about what has taken place, or there is the chance that no one will.
A Closer Look Now, if one was to tell other people, it could mean that they will come across as a bit of a show off. Thus, this could cause one to create a bad impression, and other people are unlikely to respond in a positive manner. So although one is happy with themselves, the people around them could wonder when they are going to stalk about something else. But if these people didn’t respond in this way at the beginning, it could be something that occurs as time goes by. At First In this case, the people around them could be only too happy to hear about what they have achieved. They could end up being caught up in their experience and feel as though they have also achieved something. One’s friends are then going to be proud of them, and it will be normal for them to want to celebrate with them. Yet once this has taken place, they could soon be ready to move on from what has happened. Pleased Having said that, one might be in a position where they don’t come across in this way after they have achieved something. They could feel the need to tell others, but they won’t make a big deal about it. One could tell certain people about what they have achieved and then they could carry on with their life. This doesn’t mean that they won’t celebrate with the people they are close to; what it means is that it will be seen as another important step in their life and not something that will define their life. At Times However, if one does make a big deal out of what has taken place, it could be because it is something significant. This will then be the exception as opposed to the rule, and this will show that they are capable of giving their achievements the kind of recognition that they deserve. But when one always acts in this way no matter what they achieve, it could be said that their behaviour is not always appropriate. As while they might be believe that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour, the people they spend time with are likely to have a different outlook. Hidden Alternatively, if one is in a position where they don’t tell anyone about what they achieve, it could be said that they are not giving themselves the recognition that they deserve. Through working hard and reaching a millstone, it will be important for them to celebrate. This will give them the chance to reflect on what has happened and to bathe in the glory of what they have achieved. And if the people in their life are actually there to support them, they will be only too happy to hear about it. Another Experience Along with this one could talk about what they achieve, but when they do this, they could down play the whole experience. It then won’t matter what they achieve, as they are going to respond in the same way. They could believe that it is important for them to keep their feet on the ground, so to speak, and not to get too carried away in life. So, if other people say that they should be proud of what they achieve, they could end up dismissing what they hear. Humble Still, there could be people around them who say that they have the right outlook, and that more people should behave in the same way. As far as these people are concerned, there could be only two options available when it comes to achieving something: either someone comes across as big-headed, or they act as though nothing has happened. This is then going to be seen as something that is black and white, and there is only going to be one way to behave. One way of looking at this would be to say that one should keep their head down in life and not allow themselves to acknowledge their own greatness. It’s False But while one can down play their achievements, it doesn’t mean that this is a sign of true humility. Instead, it could be said that this is something that takes place when one is not comfortable with who they are. At a deeper level, one could feel as though they don’t deserve to do well in life, and that it is not safe for them to express themselves. The toxic shame within them then causes them to play small and to make sure they don’t overshadow anyone. Validation When it comes to the people who support them, or admire how they behave, it could be because they also coming from the same place. It will then be normal for them to hide their light and to stay under the radar. Healthy Pride If one achieves something and they downplay it, it could be said that they are on the wrong path in life; whereas if they achieved something and they experience pride, it could be said that they are on the right track. This would show that they feel comfortable with themselves and don’t feel the need to disconnect from what is taking place within them. Yet if one doesn’t feel comfortable with themselves, they could be on the right track and still down play their achievements. Awareness If one can relate to this and they no longer want to hide themselves, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This could be a time where one will be looking at what they believe and what is taking place at an emotional level.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While some people are there for others from time to time, there are others who are practically always there for them. When one can relate to the former, they are going to have moments when they are able to take care of their own needs.
However, when one can relate to the latter, they are not going to have much time to take care of their own needs. As a result of this, it could be said that they will be neglecting themselves. The Right Thing Still, although this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that one will come to the conclusion that they are doing anything wrong. In their eyes, this is likely to be seen as the right approach for them to take. It is then got going to be enough for one to be there for others when they are not there for themselves; they will always need to be available. Based on this, one’s needs are secondary and other people’s needs are primary. Selfless Having said that, one might believe that they don’t have needs, or they could say that their purpose is to be there for others. Either way, they will spend more time taking care of others, and this is likely to mean that other people will give them positive feedback This will come from the people they help and from the people who are aware of how they live their life. The kind of responses they receive from others will validate what they are doing, and allow them to believe that they are on the right track. Needs It could be said that the reason one will receive this kind of feedback is because of the outlook that people often have towards their own needs. Instead of seeing them as part of being human, they are often seen as something to be ashamed of. How individuals view their own needs then has an effect on how society views them, and how society views then effect how individuals see them. Therefore, this is a two-way process, and as it is human nature to follow others, it is not going to be a surprise if one’s outlook is defined by other people. Supporting Others So, when one generally overlooks their own needs and focuses on the needs of others, it is typically going to be seen as something positive. And if one believes that they don’t have needs and the people around them support what they are doing, then there is going to be no reason for them to change. Ultimately, one is going to see themselves as some kind of saviour, and other people could see them as some kind of superhero. It could then be said that one is not going to go short when it comes to receiving approval. Not Important But if one was asked about whether they only help others in order to be approved of, they are likely to dismiss it. In fact, they would find it offensive, and say that they don’t get anything from it. Thus, as far as they are concerned (as well as the people round them), they do want they do to help others. This is then something that is black and white, and there is nothing more to it. Examples Through experiencing life in this way, it will be normal for them to be drawn to people who find it hard to handle life. Their friends and lovers could be more like their children, and this is going to mean that their relationships are likely to be out of balance. There could be moments when these people wonder what they would do without their help, and moments when they feel as though they are unable to live their own life. So although they will appreciate their help, they are also going to feel restricted by it. Conditional Therefore, these people could find that they are only able to get so far with their help, and this is going to stop them from being able to grow and develop. This is then going to be similar to one being in a position where they are in quick sand, and instead of someone pulling them out, they simply stop them from sinking. Due to this, they are going to need the other person to stay around, and they won’t be able to get back on dry land. If one was to grow and develop, the other person could soon walk away, or they might start to cause them problems. Why Is This? What this comes down to is that one doesn’t want the relationship to change; they want it to keep going in the same direction. The reason for this is that one only knows who they are when they are rescuing others, and so if this changes, it will cause them to experience discomfort. If they were unable to rescue others, there is a strong chance that they would end up feeling worthless. Through acting as though they have it all together and that they don’t have needs, it allows them to feel good about themselves. The Same Dynamic It is then going to be important for them to be around people who need their help, and if this was to change, they wouldn’t know how to behave. So although part of them might want to show other people how to fish, so to speak, another part only wants to give them fish. At one point in their life, they were probably conditioned to believe that their value is based on what they do as opposed to who they are. This then set them up to be a human doing instead of a human being. Early Years During the beginning of their life, there is a strong chance that they had to take care of their caregivers needs. Their needs would have been neglected, and this would have caused them to develop a false-self. If they did want other people wanted, they would have been approved of, and if they didn’t, they would have been rejected and/or abandoned. Focusing on other people’s needs would then have been a way for them to survive on one hand, and a way for them to feel good on the other. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to get in touch with their true-self, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will then allow them to realise that their value is not based on what they do for others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Greatness: Should Someone Have To Hide Their Greatness In Order To Avoid Offending Others?17/6/2016
Although someone can be good at something, it doesn’t mean that they feel comfortable letting other people know. But if this doesn’t relate to what they can do, it could relate to their appearance.
In this case, one could feel the need to cover up their body, or to hide their face in some way. Ultimately, one is not going to allow themselves to shine, and it could then be normal for them to be overshadowed. A Way of Life Now, this is not going to be the same as having moments when one receives attention and moments when they don’t. What it can come down to, is that one will always be on the side lines, so to speak. But unless one allows themselves to be seen, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently. As a result of this, one is going to be used to experiencing inner conflict. Two Sides On one side, there will be the need for them to hide how they look and/or what they are capable of, and on the other side, they will have the need for other people to recognise what they look like and/or what they are capable of. Yet even though this is the case, one need is stronger than the other. The need to hide who they are is greater than the need to show other people who they are, and this is why their life is harder than it needs to be. This would show that one doesn’t feel safe enough to be themselves. Pleasing Others When it comes to how they feel through experiencing life in this way, there is the chance that one is used to feeling frustrated, angry, powerless and even hopeless. They could come to the conclusion that they have no control over their life. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that one will always feel this way though, as they are likely to feel good from time to time. Through hiding themselves and playing a role, it will allow them to receive approval from others. For Example One could spend time with people who are doing well in life, and there is not going to be any chance of them taking the light away from them. As one is there to support what these people are doing, they could return the favour. But instead of them focusing of what one is good at and giving them the same support and encouragement, they could simply thank them for being there for them. This could show that these people are pleased that one is focused on what they are doing. Another Experience Still, while one could be surrounded by people who are caught up with their own needs, this might not be the case. When they are given the opportunity to talk about what they are doing, they could soon the change subject or down play their achievements. It is then not that the people around them are self-centred; it is that one doesn’t allow these people to find out about them. Therefore, it won’t matter who they are with, as it is going to be the same scenario. A Positive Sign However, although one doesn’t feel comfortable enough to express themselves, it hasn’t caused them to give up. They are still taking the time to develop themselves, and this is something that needs to be acknowledged. This shows that there is something within them that is pushing them forward, and if they didn’t have this, their life would be very different. With that in mind, it is going to be important for them to get the other part of them on board so that they can reveal what they have worked so hard to develop. A Closer Look If one was to take a step back and to reflect on what they only feel comfortable when they hide, they may find that they do this to avoid overshadowing others. The thought of standing out could cause them to be overwhelmed with anxiety. They may find that when they stood out in the past, other people didn’t respond to them in a positive manner. This could have been a time when someone ended up rejecting them, or they could have ended up being upset, for instance. The Meaning Yet regardless of what took place, one would have ended up associating being seen with being cut-off from others. Thus, in order for one to belong, it will be necessary for them to stay under the radar. One way of looking at this would be to say that even though one has had bad experiences in the past, it that doesn’t mean that they should hide their light. At the end of the day, one is not on this planet to play small. Self-Reflection When one develops themselves, they are doing what they can to fulfil their own potential, and if someone is offended by this, they are the ones who need to look into why this is. After all, one can’t control how other people feel; the only thing they can do is to trigger what is already within them. So if someone is offended, it could be because it reminds them of how unhappy they are, or how they haven’t taken the time to develop themselves. Either way, it will be important for them to own their own experience, and to do what they need to do to change their life. Oppression If they don’t do this and they focus on the people who are working on themselves, they could try to stop them from expressing their greatness as a way to feel better. This would then show that they lack boundaries and are not taking responsibility for how they feel. In this case, it will be important for them take a step back from their own behaviour, and to see why they are experience life in this way. Through doing this and working on themselves, it will give them the chance to shine, and they will no longer try to stop other people from expressing their greatness. Awareness And if one finds that it is a challenge for them to shine their light, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This could be a time where they will be questioning what is taking place in their mind and processing what is being held in their body. Through stepping out of the shadows, it might cause one to lose a few people; but this is something that can’t be avoided. The alternative would be for them to hide and to have people around them who are unable to support them, and this is going to be far worse.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When it comes to how one experiences life, there are going to be a number of factors that will play a part. One of these things is the state of their health, and this is something that most people are aware of.
Physical Health For example, it is not uncommon to hear about how important it is to eat the right food and to exercise. Along with this, if one has something wrong with their physical health, they are likely to go and see a doctor. There is then no reason why one should overlook this part of their life, and if they do, they might only have themselves to blame. If, on the other hand, this was something that wasn’t given a lot of exposure, then it would be easier for one to say that they didn’t realise how important this area is. Emotional Health Another thing that can’t be overlooked is one’s mental and emotional health, as this will have a big effect on their day-to-day life. This is not to say that this is something that is separate from their physical health though, and this is because these two areas influence each other. When one feels as though they are together on the inside, it is likely to be a lot easier for them to function. There will then be no need for them to simply survive; they will be able to thrive. Wellbeing What this emphasises is how difficult it is for someone to enjoy their life when they are not in a good way on the inside. It is unlikely to matter what kind of physical condition they are in, as it won’t make much of a difference. Based on this, mental and emotional health should receive as much exposure as physical health does. But as this is not the case, it can be normal for one to overlook what is taking place within them, and to suffer as a consequence. Boundaries And in order for one to be able to embrace life, it will be necessary for them to have boundaries. As if this is not the case, it is going to be something that has a negative effect on every area of their life. Through having boundaries, one will be able to express themselves, and this is because they will feel safe enough to do so. Without them, they won’t feel as though it is safe for them to stand their ground, and it will then be normal for them to lose themselves. One Way One will then have no choice but to go along with what other people want them to do and this is going to lead to a frustrating existence. Their needs will have to be overlooked and they will end up fulfilling other people needs. Yet even though this will cause them to suffer, it is going to be what feels comfortable. One is then going to be sabotaging their own life, and they are going to feel as though there is nothing they can do about it. Another Way Along with this, one can end up isolating themselves in order to avoid having to do what other people want. Keeping people at bay will then allow them to feel safe on one hand, but it will cause them to be disconnected on the other. Yet if one doesn’t want to be walked over by others, then it is to be expected that they would take this option. This would show that they are only aware of two options, and they alternate between the two. The Ideal When one can express themselves around others and they don’t feel the need to retract from life in order to feel safe, their life is going to be an expression of who they are. They will be able to give to the world and the world will be able to give to them. There will be moments when they please others and moments when they won’t, but this is part life and not something that can be avoided. If one was to always say ‘yes’, they would end up harming themselves in the process. The Right Approach When this happens, there are going to be people who will see them as being stubborn or as unfair, for instance, but this is something that one will have to put up with. In these cases, these people are likely to be focused on their own needs and not what is in one’s best interest. So, the disapproval that they receive throughout their life can be seen as a sign that they are actually living their life. The alternative would be for one to please others and to lose themselves. On A Bigger Scale Now, while an individual needs to have boundaries in order to fulfil their own needs, so does a country. When it is possible for a country to stand their ground, it is going to be a lot better for the people who live in the country. For one thing, the country will be aware of what they stand for, and this will then allow them to make sure that the people who enter the country abide by the same values. This is because the primary concern is not going to be the need please the people that come in; it will be to maintain the way of life that already exists. A Limit This is not to say that their needs will end up being overlooked; what it means is that they will need to adapt to the culture they are coming into. And if they are fleeing a country because of what it is like and joining a country in order to have a better life, then this would be the sensible thing to do. There could also be a limit as to how many people could come in during each year and the majority of people that come in might have to fit a certain criteria. What this will do is make sure a country is not overpopulated and that the people who do come in generally add to what already exists. Resources This will allow the country to keep a close eye on their resources, and not to waste them on people who are not going to add value to their culture. Due to this, it will be possible for them to be used for the right things, and the country can then continue to develop. The people who have helped create these resources will also benefit, and as they have worked for them, it could be said that this is how it should be. It wouldn’t be right for these people to go without. The Opposite However, when a country doesn’t have boundaries, there is going to be a greater focus on pleasing the people who want to come in (and the people who have come in) and less focus on the people who live there. And as they are unable to stand their ground, it will be normal for people from other cultures to do as they please. These people can then live by the values they have brought in, and the people who live there will have their way of life compromised as a result. Although some people in this country will stand their ground, there are going to be plenty of people who are primarily focused on the needs of the people that come in. Moral Posturing In the short-term, this might allow these people to feel good and to gain the moral high ground, but in the long-term, they are going to suffer in one way of another. This could mean that it is no longer safe for them to live in the same way as they used to, or it could mean that they have to walk on eggshells to avoid offending the people who have come in (and who continue to do so). But if they are so accepting and the people who come in are not, it is clear to see that they are setting themselves up to experience problems. This is then similar to a caregiver that always says ’yes’ to their child to avoid upsetting them, and through doing this, the child ends up causing all kinds of problems as time goes by. Awareness What this shows is how important it is for individuals and countries to embrace the masculine and the feminine. The feminine is what allows one to say ‘yes’; whereas the masculine is what allows one to say ‘no’. If one side is in use and the other is out of use, it is going to create an imbalance. When a country rejects their masculine side, they will be walked over, and when they reject their feminine side, they will walk over others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
In today’s world, it could be said that there are a lot of sensitive people, and through being this way, they can find it hard to handle day-to-day life. However, this is not to say that everyone who is sensitive responds to life in the same way.
Two Types What this comes down to is that two people could see themselves as being sensitive and yet their behaviour could be radically different. On one side, one could have greater level of empathy and find that they need to spend a fair amount of time by themselves, for instance. On the other side, one could find that even though they can empathise with others, it is not something that has a big effect on their life. But what does cause them to feel overwhelmed is when they come across something that they don’t agree with. Space It is then going to be more important for them to get away from the things that they find offensive than it is for them to spend time by themselves. Nevertheless, if one was to spend time by themselves, this might allow them to fulfil this need. Having said that, this might not be enough, and this is because one could still find something that will press their buttons online. As a result of this, it can be hard for them to feel at peace. Another Approach But while one could retract form life when they are this way, they could also end up trying to change the world. When someone says that they want to change the world, it can sound like they want to do something positive. Yet even though one can want to do this, it doesn’t mean that they actually want to make it a better place. What it can mean is that they want the world to be how they want it to be as opposed to making other people’s lives better. Control When this happens, it will be their intention to try to change anything that has a negative effect on them. It is then not going to matter what it is, as their need to feel better will take precedence. And as far as they are concerned, they could be doing the ‘right’ thing, and there could be plenty of other people who have the same outlook. The fact that this will make it harder for other people to live a fulfilling life is unlikely to bother them. A Tyrant So just like a country can be ruled by someone who wants to control everyone and everything, this can also happen on a smaller scale. This is not to say that one will try to do this by themselves, as they could reach out for support. One could try to get laws put in place that will change the country they live in, or to have certain things removed, for instance. This is something that may take quite some time to occur, but they will have far more control when they are online. Social Media If they come across something that offends them on social media, they should be able to deal with it straight away. This could involve blocking someone, or reporting a post that has had a strong effect on them. This could also be a time where one will talk to other people who have the same views as they do. Perhaps one will be part of a group that is also hell-bent on controlling how the world should be. Feelings As one is willing to do so much in order to stop themselves from being overwhelmed, it shows how powerful their emotional experiences are. One way of looking at it would be to say that they are either at peace or they are all at sea, so to speak. There is then no middle ground, and this shows that it is not possible for them to regulate how they feel. And through having no inner control, they feel compelled to control their environment. Stepping Back If one was able to step back from what is taking place, it would give them the chance to see why they are experiencing life in this way. What they could soon come to realise is that they are emotionally undeveloped. This could show that they have experienced trauma, and this can then be why their emotions are out of control. What they come across externally that causes them to be offended is then triggering the pain that is within them. A Deeper Look Perhaps something has taken place in their adult years that has caused them to be emotionally unstable, or it could relate to their childhood years. During the beginning of their life, they may have had neglected and/or abused. If they were neglected, they would have spent lot of time by themselves and this would have stopped them from being able to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions, among other things. Instead, they would have been overwhelmed, and the experience would have caused them feel angry, powerless and hopeless. Exposed Through having these experiences, it will be normal for them to be sensitive, and this is because they won’t have developed boundaries or a strong sense of self. Thus, based on what happens when they are offended, they can feel as though they are under attack. Their emotional brain will have taken over and their thinking brain will end up being out of action. And as they can’t control how they feel, it is to be expected that they will try to control what is taking place around them. Awareness If one can relate to this and they no longer want to be emotionally undeveloped, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. During this time, one can process the pain that is within them, heal the trauma they carrying and develop the ability to contain their emotional experience. Through doing this, one will be taking responsibility for their own feelings, and this will stop them from trying to control other people. It will also stop them from feeling as though the world is out to get them, and it will be easier for them to feel at peace.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone uses social media, they can stay up to date with the people they know. This can relate to the people they have known for quite some time and the ones they have only known for a short while.
Along with this, there can also be a difference is how well one knows them, as there is likely to be a difference. On one hand, one might share their whole life with some of these people, and on the other hand, there may be others who know very little about them. All Together However, although there is going to be a difference when it comes to the people they are friends with, they are all going to be in one place. As a result of this, it could be said that it is going to make their life a lot easier. It is then going to be similar to one going into one shop and finding everything they need, as opposed to each item being in a different shop. There will then be the amount of time that this saves them. The Wall And in order for one to stay up to date with what they ‘friends’ are doing, it is not always going to be necessary for them to get in touch with then. The only thing they will generally need to do is to look through the News Feed or to look through someone’s wall. There is then no need for one to always send a ‘friend’ a private message or to leave a comment on something they share. If they did want to exert themselves, they could simply ‘like’ something they have shared. The Old Way When social media wasn’t available, one would have had to have taken a different approach. So if they wanted to find out what someone was doing, they would have sent them a text, called them or paid them a visit, for instance. Clearly, this would have taken them more time, and they would have needed to put in more effort. And as people are a lot busier than they used to be, it could be said that there is no longer enough time to put in the same amount of effort. The Same Results If one believes that the new approach is just as good as the old approach, then there is going to be no reason for them to change what they are doing. As far as they are concerned, this could be seen as how things are now. And if one has been brought up with social media, then there is a strong chance that they won’t know any difference. This will then be what is normal, and there is going to be no reason for them to think about whether this is the best approach to take. Another Experience Nevertheless, while everyone they know might be on social media, there is also the chance that this is not the case. This could be because these people are older and don’t really use the internet and/or because they don’t like social media. So if one wants to find out what they are doing, they will need to put in more effort than they usually do. Now, this could mean that they rarely get in touch with them, or they might be only too happy to do this. A Stronger Connection Through taking this approach, one could find that they have a stronger relationship with these people. This will partly come down to the fact that they have a greater understanding of what is taking place in their life. They won’t just be reading words on a screen or seeing pictures; they will be hearing the other person’s voice and seeing them in person. Therefore, the relationships they have with them will have a positive effect on their life. More Is Less On the other hand, when one uses social media they are going to be in touch with far more people, and this could be seen as being the better option. But while there will be more people for them to stay in touch with; these connections are unlikely to very fulfilling. It could see seen as the difference between having a lot of fast food or few items of food that is healthy. From the outside, having more food can appear to be the better option; but if one was to take a closer look, they would soon change their mind. Two Options One way of looking at this would be to say that it is a matter of quantity or quality, and one can’t have both. This is not to say that one can’t know lots of people; what it comes down to is that real friendships need to be nurtured. They are not something that will exist no matter what happens; just like anything that is alive on this planet, they need the right nutrients in order to survive. Without being given the right attention, they are likely to come to an end. More Effort This then means that it is generally not going to be enough for one to keep a friendship alive through ‘Liking’ a status or by writing a comment, and this means that they will need to put in more effort. But then this is part of life, and shows that one will only get out of a friendship what they put in. The energy that one would usually use to see what all their ‘friends’ are doing on social media can then be put into developing real friendships with people. The fulfilment this brings them will far outweigh the effort they put in. Conclusion In a way, social media creates the impression that someone can have hundreds or even thousands of friends, and while this can sound appealing, it doesn’t match up with reality. Through being caught up in this illusion, it can be normal for people to have plenty of ‘friends’ on social media and to feel completely isolated in the real world. Social media has clearly added a lot of value to the world, but at the end of the day, it is not a panacea. Through realising what it can do and what it can’t, one’s life is likely to be a lot more fulfilling.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
It is not uncommon for people to have emotional problems in today’s world, and if someone doesn’t have them, then there is the chance that they have had them in the past. Therefore, if one doesn’t have them and they haven’t had them in the past, they could be seen as the exception.
But regardless of this, it is clear to see that this is not something that can be overlooked. When one has emotional problems, they can suffer just as much as someone who has a physical problem. A Difference In fact, it could be said that in some cases, this is something that will have an even greater effect on their wellbeing. For example, when one has a physical problem, it can still be possible for them to carry with the rest of their life. Whereas when it comes to an emotional problem, this is something that can affect every part of their life. As a result of this, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace life, and each day is going to be a challenge. Invisible But while this can be the case, it can be a lot easier to see when someone has a physical problem. Yet when it comes to an emotional problem, what they are going through can be hidden, and the people around them can be oblivious to what they are going through. One can then end up suffering in silence, and they could end up feeling even worse as time goes by. As if other people don’t notice what they are going through, one could decide to keep it to themselves. Shame This is less likely to happen if one had a physical problem, and this is because they are unlikely to be ashamed about it. Having a physical problem is generally seen as normal, but having an emotional problem is not always seen in the same way. There is then no need for one to hide what is wrong with their body, and this can then allow them to get the right assistance. On the other hand, when it comes to their mind and emotional body, it can be normal for them to hide what they are going through. Courage Based on this, it could be said that in order for one to change their life (when they have emotional problems), it will be important for them to focus on their own wellbeing. In the short-term they might look bad and feel even worse, but this will be worth it the long-term. The sooner they do something about how they feel the sooner their life will begin to change. Ultimately, their emotional health is important, and they owe it to themselves to do what they can to change their life. The First Step If one has suffered emotionally for quiet some time, they might just want to feel better and not care about how this happens. This can be an outlook that one could have even if they have just started to suffer. Having said that, one could be in a position where they want to know why they feel the way they do. Their need to heal themselves will then be backed up by their need to understand themselves. Inner Problems When it comes to what is taking place within them, it could be one thing that is having a negative effect on their life, or it could relate to a number of things. One could feel depressed and/or they could suffer from anxiety. They might feel good one moment and then down in the next, and this would show that they have trouble maintaining their own value. During the moments when they are down, they could end up wanting their life to end. A Closer Look Nevertheless, if one was to look into why they feel this way, they could come across a number of different factors. What they are going through could be attributed to having a chemical imbalance, for instance. Their genetics could also be put forward as the reason why they are experiencing life in this way. Along with this, they could hear about how what took place during their early years will have played a part. Early Years And as what takes place during the beginning of someone’s life has a big effect on what they will be like as an adult, this is not going to be a surprise. What would be a surprise is if one heard that it doesn’t matter what their childhood was like. Through hearing about this, one could take the time to reflect on their early years. However, even if one was to come to the conclusion that they weren’t abused and/or neglected, it doesn’t mean that something destructive didn’t occur. Disconnected What this could mean is that one is simply out of touch with what took place, and this will be a way for them to protect themselves. Therefore, if they were to take a closer look, it could cause them to be overwhelmed. If one wasn’t abused and/or neglected as a child, there could have been a time when they experienced trauma. A one-off event (or a number of events), could then have set them up to suffer as an adult. Alternatively On the other hand, if one was abused and/or neglected as a child, then what is taking place for them as an adult is going to be an effect of what they went through as a child. If one was abused, it would have caused them to experience toxic shame, and it would then be a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. This would then cause them to feel depressed, and through having these experiences, it would be normal of them to be on edge in life. If they were also neglected, it would mean that there was rarely anyone around to regulate their emotions, and so this would stop them from being able to regulate their emotions as an adult and they could carry a lot of rage Awareness These are just a few examples of what can take place, and there are a plenty of other consequences that can occur as a result of what took place to them as a child. If one can relate to these experience and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one had a TV that stopped working, there is a strong chance that they would want to know why. This comes down to the fact that if they were to simply ignore it, they wouldn’t be able to watch anything.
Being curious about what is taking place is then going to have a positive effect on their life, and this is not something that will cause them to experience pain. If it did, it could be because they will have to end up paying money in order for it to be fixed, and this will cause them to experience discomfort. Not As Bad However, even if one did have to pay to get the TV fixed, it is unlikely to be as painful as it would be if they had to go without one. As a result of this, they are going to be willing to tolerate the pain that they would have to go through. This is an approach that one will take in many others areas of their life, and it will stop them from having to suffering unnecessarily. If one was unable to respond in this way when something isn’t right, it would cause them a lot of problems. Pleasure and Pain One way of looking at this would be to say that through having the ability to experience pain, it gives one has ability to take action. Therefore, through paying attention to this pain, it will then allow one to experience pleasure. But even though that is the case, it could be said that it is the need to know what is wrong that will get the ball moving, so to speak. Without having this need, there would be no reason for one to do anything. Not Separate Still, if one didn’t experience some kind of discomfort, there is the chance they wouldn’t have the need to be curious. Thus, it might be better to say that these two things are not separate, and they rely on each other in order to function. But with that aside, what this emphasises is how important it is for one to be curious when it comes to solving a problem. When this doesn’t exist, it can mean that one will end up putting up with something that will cause them to suffer in one way or another. Pain What this will then mean is that the pain they are experiencing will be overlooked and one will try to carry on with their life. But while this might work in the short-term, it is unlikely to work in the long-term. This is an approach that one can take when they have mental and emotional problems and/or when their relationships are not going as they would like them to go. One is then not facing their life head on; they are doing what they can to avoid it. The Traditional Route Now, this is not to say that one won’t go and see their doctor about what is going on for them, as they could end up being put on some kind of medication. Yet even if one was to do this, it doesn’t mean that it would allow them to heal thesmevles or to improve their relationships. What this could result in is one being disconnected from how they feel, and this is not exactly going to make their life more fulfilling. Along with this, the side effects could end up causing them even more problems as time goes on. Resistance And while being curious about why their life is the way it is would give them the chance to move forward, it will also cause them to experience pain. It is then similar to one wanting to go into a dark room to find out what is in there, but the fear of what they may find stops them from having a look. This powerful ability is then going to be out of action and one will continue to experience life in the same way. It is then not going to be someone else who is holding them back; they are going to be the ones who are sabotaging their life. Problems It can then be normal for them to put up with feeling depressed, down, fearful and/or anxious, for instance. Their relationships could be unfulfilling, or they could be abusive in some way. The people around them could tell them to stay strong and be supportive of what they are going through, but this is not going to change their life. Alternatively, one could be surrounded by people who act as though they have it all together and they could try to rescue them. Being Curious If one was to get to the point where they have had enough of suffering, it could cause them to look for answers. They are then aware that this will cause them to experience even more pain, but this won’t stop them. Perhaps they realise that even though this pain might be stronger, it is unlikely to be something that will last forever. This is because the mental and emotional problems that one can have as an adult can be symptoms of something that took place in the past, as can their relational challenges. A Process If one was to look for answers, they could end up doing an internet search and/or reading a book, for instance. The first step has then been taken, and they could soon find what they are looking for. This is not to say that this will be it, as they could soon have the desire to find out about something else. One could also look for something and find that they can’t find the answer straight away, but this is part of life. Awareness At the end of the day, one’s personal growth is important, and even if one can’t find something or what they do doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean they should give up. The main thing is that one keeps going, and through being this way, there is the chance they will gradually find what they are looking for and heal themselves in the process.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While some people feel comfortable standing their ground, there are others who don’t feel this way. As a result of this, it is going to mean that their experiences on this planet are going to be extremely different.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the former are going to be successful and the latter are not, what it comes down to is that their day to day interactions are likely to be different. And because of this, it could mean that the level of success that these people experience will be different. Two Options When one has the ability to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’, it is going to show that each word means something. One is then expressing their truth and they are not focused on saying the ‘right’ thing. It is through being this way that one is able to use both words as opposed to only having the ability to use one. This doesn’t mean that one will always be able to listen to themselves, but this is likely to be something that generally occurs. One Option If, on the other hand, one could only say ‘yes’, it could be said that this is not a word that means anything. The reason for this is that one will only be using this word because they are unable to say anything else. In this sense, one is unable to express their truth and they are focused on saying the ‘right’ thing. This is not to say that one won’t have movements when they listen to themselves, but this is going to be the exception. A Reflection Each person’s life is then going to be a reflection of their ability or inability to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’. It is then clear to see as to why there is going to be a difference is how each person experiences life. What this comes down to is that it is going to be a lot easier for one to live the kind of life they want to live when they can use both of these words. Not only will one be in touch with themselves, but they will also be able to act upon what is taking place within them. On Track when it comes to the interactions that they have with others, it will be normal for them to show up, so to speak. If they want to do something, they will let someone know, but if they don’t, they will also let them know. Through having this approach, there is a strong chance that their career will also be a lot more fulfilling. Form time to time, this could mean that other people will see them as stubborn, among other things. Part of Life However, as it is not possible to always please other people, this is something that is to be expected. Ultimately, one’s intention is not to do what other people want, it is to fulfil their own needs. One could realise that pleasing others will allow then to feel good in the short-term, but that it won’t allow them to lead a fulfilling life. Along with this, one is also likely to believe that it is not always possible for other people to go along with what they want. A Half-Life When one is unable to use both of these words, they could feel as though they are on the sidelines. Other people could see then as easy going and agreeable, and this means that they won’t always realise what is going on for them. But if someone was to bring up their behaviour, they could say that one needs to stand up for thesmevles. And while this could be someone who is there to assist them, they could also be in a position where they walk over others. A Match This would then show that even though one needs to change their behaviour, the other person also needs to change their behaviour. But while this is the case, they could cause one to feel as though they are the only ones who need to change. Still, as one is unable to stand their ground, it is going to be normal for them to come into contact with people like this. One way of looking at this would be to say that one doesn’t take up enough space and the people they are drawn to take up too much. Pain So, through saying ‘yes’ when one should be saying ‘no’, they are going to be used to feeling angry, frustrated, powerless and hopeless. They can come to the conclusion that their life is out their control and that there is nothing they can do. Even so, if one was to change their behaviour and to say ‘no’, this could also cause them to experience pain. In fact, this could be an understatement, as one could end up experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety. Overwhelmed Therefore, even though one is suffering through doing what other people want, it is not as bad as what they would have to experience if they were to listen to thesmevles. Saying ‘no’ is then not something they can feel comfortable saying, it is something that causes them to feel as though their life will come to an end. As one is only saying ‘no’, it could be said that there is no reason for one to have this experience. Nevertheless, there could have been a time in their life when their inner experience was perfectly normal. Survival During this time, going along with what other people wanted may have kept them alive, and although times have changed, the trauma that they experienced has stayed within them. This is likely to relate to what took place at the beginning of their life, and this can then mean that they were physically abused. Throughout these years, it wouldn’t have been safe for them to stand their ground; if they did, it would have caused them to experience even more harm. The outlook they have as an adult is then how they life was as a child. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it will be necessary for them to work with a therapist. The trauma that is within them will need to be dealt with and as this takes place, their life will change.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|