It could be said that there are two worlds: the inner world and the outer world. When it comes to the inner world, it is going to relate to what is taking place within and, when it relates to the outer world, it will relate to what is going on without.
A Fine Balance Even so, this doesn’t mean that the inner world is separate from the outer world; the inner will influence the outer and vice versa. And, in order for someone to be able to express their true self, it is going to be vital for them to have a strong connection with what is taking place within them. Along with this, it is also going to be essential for them to have a good connection with their outer world. What this will do is allow them to take in new information and to connect to their fellow human beings. Relationships One will then have the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and this will enable them to form strong connections with others. What is taking place within them will be important, but it won’t cause them to overlook what is going on around them. If a relationship wasn’t a two way process, it wouldn’t matter if one had the ability to tune into what is taking place for another person. So, through being this way, one will be able to extend themselves to others and to bridge the gap that exists between them. One Experience Consequently, if one is too concerned with what is taking place within them, it is going to cause them to come across as being self-centred. Their needs will be the only thing that matter and they won’t have a lot of time for others. Naturally, this is going to push a lot of people away, and one might then have a very lonely existence. Or, they could have people in their life who are only too happy to focus on their needs, and this is likely to show that they don’t value themselves. No Boundaries Through being unable to empathise, they will probably have the tendency to walk over others. Their priority will be to fulfil their needs and it is then not going to matter how their behaviour affects the people around them. As long as they get what they want they will be happy, and this is going to cause a lot of people to suffer. After someone has spent time with them, it could take them a little while to recover. Win-Lose They will have given something to this person but they won’t have been given anything back. It might then be in their best interest to make sure that they don’t come into contact with them again. And if this is something that they experience on a regular basis, it might be a good idea for them to look into why this is taking place. What they may find is that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs and that they lack boundaries, amongst other things. Another Experience On the other hand, if one is too concerned with what is taking place around them, it can cause them to ignore what is taking place within them. Other people’s needs and feelings will be the only thing that matter. There is then the chance that one will have plenty of people in their life, but they can still end up feeling cut-off. What could stop the people in their life from realising what is taking place is that one could act as thorough everything is fine. The Other Extreme Clearly, one is not going to have the propensity to walk over others; however, what they will be used to is being walked over others. They may find that it is easy for them to tune into others people’s emotions and to pay attention to their needs. They could find that they feel good after they have pleased another person, and this is going to cause them to receive a lot of positive feedback from others. One is then neglecting themselves but they are getting something in return. Out of Balance Although this kind of behaviour can be seen as being better than ignoring other people’s needs, it is still going to cause one to experience problems. Through being focused on what is going on around them, it is not going to be possible for them to have their own life. Their need to please others will have taken over their life and their true-self is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day. It is then going to be essential for them to focus more on what is taking place within them and less on what is going on around them. A Deeper Look Nevertheless, behaving in this way may have kept them alive at one point in time, and this is why behaving in this way can be what feels comfortable. The part of them that wants to live their own life is then going to be pushed to one side and the part of them that has attached their survival to pleasing others will have taken over. What this can show is that they were abused and/or neglected during their younger years. If they didn’t focus on their caregiver/s needs, their very survival would have been at risk. Awareness The years will have gone by but what took place all those years ago will still be defining their life. There will be the beliefs that one developed when they were younger and they could be carrying trauma. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their circumstances, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Self-Worth: How Can People Who Are Attractive Act Confident Even Though They Feel Worthless?29/6/2017
When someone is in touch with their inherent value, it is going to be a lot easier for them to act in a confident manner. For one thing, they are not going to feel as though they have anything to hide.
The Truth Deep down, they will realise that who they are is enough, and this will allow them to express their true-self. Consequently, how they come across is generally going to be a reflection of who they are. Now, this may mean that they are outgoing, or it could mean that they are more withdrawn. There could be moments when they need to spend more time around others and moments when they need more time by themselves. It Is Not Fixed What this shows is that just because someone is in touch with their value, it doesn’t mean that they will be an extrovert. It can seem this way, as this kind of behaviour is often seen as the ideal way to behave. So, instead of using this as a marker when it comes to whether someone values themselves, it would be better to take a deeper look into how they live their life. One area that will reveal a lot is what their relationships are like. An Important Area When one is connected to their value, they are likely to spend time around people who also value them. In addition to this, they are not just going to talk about trivial matters when they get together. It might not matter what is on their mind, as there is the chance that they will be able to open up about it to these people. One is then going to be able to share their thoughts and they will be able to open up about how they feel. Deeply Fulfilling This area of their life is then going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing, and they could be grateful to have these people in their life. If, on the other hand, one didn’t feel comfortable with themselves, this wouldn’t be an option. One would have to hide their true-self and it would only be possible for them to share certain parts of themselves. They could spend a lot of time talking about what they have done each day, and they would probably have the need to impress these people. Approval The reason for this is that when one doesn’t value themselves, they will need other people to give them what they are unable to give to themselves. In order for this to take place; one will have to be who others want them to be (or who they think they want them to be). This would then stop one from being able to pay attention to their own needs and feelings; thus, they would end up neglecting themselves. Their lower needs would be met, but their higher needs would end up being overlooked. Survival Pleasing others will be what feels safe, and this is then going to take care of their need to survive. The downside to this is that even though this will allow them to survive, it is not going to lead to a fulfilling existence. If someone like this was to look into why their survival is associated with pleasing others, they may find that it is way for them to keep people in their life. One could believe that if they were to find out how flawed they are, it would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. It Makes Sense It is then not going to be much of a surprise for someone like this to have confidence issues. Along with being disconnected from their inherent value, they are going to spend a lot of time worrying about whether people will accept them to not. There will be anxiety, doubt and shame, and their self-talk is not going to be very supportive. However, this doesn’t mean that everyone who acts in a confident manner is in touch with their own value. False-Self What can take place instead is that one can disconnect from how they feel and end up creating an inflated self. One can then come across as though they are full of confidence. How they come across is then going to be the complete opposite of how they really feel about themselves. This is something that can take place when someone is attractive, as the positive feedback that they receive from others can allow them to feel good about themselves. Effortless And while this is going to affect both men and women, it is something that can have a bigger impact on women. Regardless of where they go, they are likely to come into contact with people who will give them their energy. People are more likely to look at them, to speak to them, and to treat them well, and this is can cause them to feel important. No matter what they are like as a person or what they have achieved, they will be treated as though they are valuable. Beauty This is then similar to how a rose doesn’t need to do anything in order to be appreciated; nevertheless, it won’t be long until it no longer has this effect. In the same way, one is not going to be able to experience life in this way forever. There will come a time when they will no longer receive the same amount of positive feedback from others, and it can then cause them to feel as though they are invisible. When this happens, it will be vital for one to get in touch with their inherent value. Awareness It will be a lot easier for someone to handle this transition where they don’t rely on their looks. What this shows is that when someone is in touch with their inherent value, their life will be far more fulfilling. If one is out of touch with their inherent value, and they want this to change, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is in a position where someone else’s behaviour was having a negative effect on them, they could look into why this is taking place. This can then be a time when one will reflect on what is going on externally and what is going on internally.
Two Parts What this can show is that one realises that there is what happens externally and then there is how their inner world interprets what happens. Consequently, this is going to stop them from completely focusing on what someone does. One can ask themselves why this person’s behaviour is having a negative effect on them. Through doing this, they can see if their behaviour is the problem, or if their mind is making it a problem. One Outcome Before long, one may find that the reason it is having a negative effect on them is because they are acting in an abusive manner. The next step might then be to let the other person know and then to see what happens. If the other person heeds what they have said and then gradually begins to change their behaviour, this will be the end of it. However, if this doesn’t take place, one might need to take a different approach altogether. Another Outcome Alternatively, one may find that there is another reason why another person’s behaviour is having a negative effect on them. Through taking a step back, they could see that it is due to how they are interpreting what is taking place. It is then going to in their best interest to change what is taking place within them. If they don’t do this, and they try to change the other person, it is not going to allow them to grow and develop. Avoidance Instead of dealing with their own issues, they would end up trying to change the other person. This person may or may not put up with their behaviour, but there is the chance that they will soon come into contact with someone else who behaves in the same way. It will then be necessary for them to try and change this person, and this would cause them to waste a lot of time and energy. So when one doesn’t try to change others, it will allow them to grow and to save a lot of time and energy. More Than an Observer At the root of all this is likely to be the understanding that there is a reason why certain people come into their life. One is then not going to see themselves as someone who just observes what takes place. This outlook is then going to stop them from placing all of their attention on what is going on around then, and it will stop them from seeing themselves as a victim. There will be moments when it will be down to them to change, and moments when it will be down to someone else. Acceptance This will also show that one doesn’t see other people as an extension of themselves, and this will then be a sign that they have boundaries. How other people behave will be out of their control, but they will able to control how they respond and to decide who they spend their time with. So, if another person doesn’t want to change, they are not going to have the need to do anything about it. One will see that this is just part of life, and that it is down to them to move on and to spend time with people who are right for them. Another Experience When someone behaves in this way, it is also likely to show that they have a good level of self-awareness. Their needs will be important, but they are not going to be any more important than anyone else’s. There are then going to be others who have a completely different outlook, and this will cause them to behave differently. If they were to end up with someone who doesn’t behave as they would like them to, it will be down to them to change. All Areas And regardless of whether they are around their friends or their colleagues at work, for instance, they could have the same outlook. If one was able to take a step back and to observe how they behave, they may find that they see themselves as being the centre of the universe. What this will then mean is that they are more important than anyone else, and this is why they don’t need to change. It is not going to matter if another person’s behaviour is at fault or if it is due to how they are interpreting their behaviour. Back To Reality It could then be said that it will be a good idea for them to realise that they can’t change other people; the only thing they can do is to change themselves. Thus, if they are with someone who is not right for them and they won’t change their behaviour, they will need to move on. And if they choose to live their life in a way that goes against the norm, there are bound to be a lot of people who don’t accept what they are doing. It is going to be up to them to accept this. Awareness Ultimately, when one accepts themselves, it is going to be a lot easier for them to accept other people. Through being this way, there will be no reason for them to try to change others, and they will be able to accept the fact that not everyone is going to accept them. If one has the need to change others, and they want to change this, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to heal the pain that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one can stand their ground, it is going to stop them from having the need to please others. One will have the ability to say yes when they want to do something and no when they don’t. But even though both of these words have a part to play in their life, it doesn’t mean that they both have the same value.
Meaningless The reason for this is that if one is unable to say no, they are not going to be able to say yes either. Now, this is not to say that they won’t be able to use this word; what it means is that it won’t mean anything. This word will come out of their mouth regardless of whether they actually want to do something. As a result of this, it is going to stop them from being able to pay attention to their own needs. The Priority However, when one can use both of these words, it is going to allow them to pay attention to their own needs. The people around them are likely to realise that when they say yes, they don’t just say it to please them. What will also play a part here is that there will have been moments when these people will have heard them say no. When this happens, it might cause them to feel annoyed or even upset. Part of Life Yet, even if this is how they feel when one doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t mean that they would want them to change. It could be clear to these people that one is an individual, and that they have to do what is right for them. And if one was to agree to do something when they didn’t want to do it, it could have a negative effect on the people in their life. This could be seen as what happens when someone has empathy; they are not going to want another person to suffer in any way. Both Ways There is a strong chance that one will be just as understanding to the people in their life. Fulfilling their own needs will be essential, but that doesn’t mean that they will be prepared to walk over others in order to do so. Through being able to say no, it will also show that one has good boundaries. This will give them a strong sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Just One Part When one has boundaries it will enable them to feel safe in their body, and this is then going to allow them to express their true-self. It can be as if one has an energetic boundary around them that keeps them safe. What this illustrates it that having boundaries is not just about being able to be assertive, there is far more to it. If anything, this is something that just happens when someone feels safe in their body. Another Experience With this in mind, it is going to be a challenge for one to live a fulfilling life when they are unable to say no. It is not going to matter whether they want to do something or not; their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs. This may mean that they have tendency to do things that don’t have much of an effect on them. Therefore, even though they didn’t want to say yes, they will soon be back on their feet, so to speak. Far Worse There could be other times when one says yes to things that end up having a big effect on them. Perhaps one has been in a number of abusive relationships, or they could spend money that they don’t have. Or, if they don’t end up in abusive relationships, they could end up sharing their body with the wrong people. Either way, this is going to make it hard for them to feel good about themselves. Powerless Due to how one experiences life, it could cause them to believe that they have no control over what is taking place. The people who they come into contact with are then going to be able to do whatever they want. If one was to take a step back and to look into what happens when someone asks them to do something, they might see that they say yes without even thinking about it. Shortly after this has taken place, one could wonder why they said yes; it could be as if this is something that they can’t do anything about. A Deeper Look What one may find, if they were to think about standing their ground and saying no, is that they end up feeling anxious. This is then not going to be something that causes them to feel uncomfortable. If they were to look into why they feel this way, they may come to see that they have a fear of being rejected. Doing what other people want (and what they think they want), is then a way for them to control how they feel. The Reason One way of looking at this would be to say that there is no reason for them to feel this way, and that they need to change what they believe. Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is a reason why they are experiencing life in this way, and it will be vital for them to look into why this is. If they were to look into what took place when they were younger, they may see that their caregiver’s didn’t treat them very well. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected. Awareness The trauma that they experienced when they were younger will still be in their body and, until this is dealt with, they will continue to behave in the same way. One will have a fear of being rejected and they will carry the pain of being rejected. In order for one to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that it is part of human nature to want to be accepted, and this is something that human beings need during the beginning of their life. When this takes place, it is likely to be a lot easier for them to function when they are older.
Self-Acceptance The reason for this is that before one can accept themselves, they will need to be accepted by others. Therefore, if one was brought up around people who accepted them, it is likely to mean that they are able to accept themselves. What took place in their external environment when they were younger would then have been what created their inner world. Through being treated in this way, there is a strong chance that one finds it easy to be themselves. True-Self In general, how they come across is going to be a reflection of who they are, and this will allow them to fulfil their true needs. There is then going to be no need for them to put on an act around others. Consequently, one is going to be able to experience true intimacy with others. One is not going to have the need to hide their needs and feelings, and this will allow the people in their life to connect with them at a deeper level. Low Tolerance Ultimately, one is going to value themselves, and this will stop them from putting up with bad behaviour from others. Being treated in this way is not going to feel comfortable and this will allow them to stand their ground. It won’t matter if someone treated them badly in a relationship or if this was to take place when they are out shopping, for instance. This is going to stop one from experiencing a lot of drama in their life. Self-Talk If one as to pay attention to how they talk to themselves, they are likely to find that they are their own best friend. It is not going to matter if they make a mistake, as they are going to be kind to themselves. So just as their caregiver/s treated them in a loving manner when they did something wrong as a child, part of them will be act like a loving parent whenever something goes wrong in their adult life. This supportive voice within them will give them the ability to handle most of the ups and downs of life. The Big Difference And as one accepts themselves, they are not going to have a strong need for other people to accept them. The people they come into contact with will pick on the fact that they accept themselves, and it is then going to a lot easier for people to accept them. What this comes down to is that when someone wants something, it can be hard for them to attain it; but when they don’t need it, it can just show up. The acceptance that they get from others is going to validate what is taking place within them. A Mask On the other hand, when on doesn’t accept themselves, they are going to have a strong need for other people to accept them. It is not going to be possible for them to be themselves; they will have to be who other people want them to be (or who they think they want them to be). One is going to be out of touch with their true-self, and the person they present to the world is just going to be a reflection of their false-self. This could be something that one is aware of, or they might not have got to this stage yet. Disconnected Either way, this is going to stop them from being able to listen to their needs and feelings; their priority will be to please other people. When this takes place, they will be able to receive the approval that they desperately need. This is going to have a positive effect on them, but it won’t make up for the fact that they are out of touch with themselves. One is then going to be gaining one thing and losing something far more important - the ability to live their own life. High Tolerance It is then likely to be normal for other people to walk over them, and for one to do things that they don’t really want to do. This is then similar to someone who is willing to lose everything just to be famous or to make a lot of money. One’s need to receive approval is something that will have taken over their whole life, and everything else will fall by the wayside. Instead of being their own best friend and giving themselves the support that they need, they are going to be their own worst enemy. Stepping Back One is likely to believe that they would end up being rejected and abandoned if they no longer behaved in this way. This is also likely to show that one believes that they are worthless. Doing what other people want is then a way for them to make sure that they don’t end up being ostracised. It would be easy for someone to tell them that they don’t need to behave in this way, as this won’t happen. A Closer Look However, there is the chance that one is carrying trauma in their body, and this is going to stop them from being able to just let go and to move on with their life. During their younger years, they were probably brought up in an environment here they didn’t get what they needed. If their caregiver did give them attention and approval, it may have been for the role that they had to play as opposed to who they were. Through being treated in this way, it would have set them up to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. Awareness At this age, one wouldn’t have had the ability to take a step back and to reflect on how they were being treated, and this is why it would have been taken personally. This would have stopped them from being able to realise that their caregiver was incapable of giving them what they needed, and one would have come to believe that they were unlovable. The truth is that is one is lovable and valuable; how they were treated had nothing to do with them. It was simply a reflection of what was taking place for their caregiver. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Worth: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Attach Their Value To What They Do?24/6/2017
If one was to observer how the people around them behave, they may find that a lot of them have something in common. What could stand out is how so many people are always doing something.
Always On the Go And even if these people were to go on holiday or to take some time off work, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to take it easy. If one of these people went on holiday, for instance, this could be a time when their mind will be consumed with what is taking place back home. There can be what they are not doing while they are away and what they will need to do once they get back. So even though their body will be in another country, or another part of the country, their mind will be where it usually is. One Option Consequently, one might end up having to drink alcohol in order to take their mind of what is taking place back home. Yet even though this will settle them down, it is not going to last for very long. Before long, they will soon have to face what is taking place in their mind, and it could end up being even worse. What this comes down to is that even though one will feel relaxed when they drink alcohol, it could be said that it is artificial relaxation. Force One is then forcing themselves to relax, and this shows that they are carrying a lot of tension within them. But as their mind is so busy, this could be seen as the only option that is available to them. When they get back home, they might experience a sense of relief; this is because it will be possible for them to get things done. Being away will have caused them to experience a lot of stress and they will then be glad that it is over. Highly Motivated What is also going to stand out about someone like this is that they have a lot of motivation. Something within them is going to be driving them forward; if they didn’t have this drive, they wouldn’t be able to behave in this way. And no matter what this person achieves, it is not going to take away their motivation. One is then a human being, but they are going to act as though they are a machine - a machine that doesn’t run out of energy. On Top Of the Mountain Through having this drive and taking action, there is the chance that one has been able to elevate themselves to a certain position in their career. One might then have a lot of money and/or they could be perceived as being ‘successful’ by other people. If what they do is held in high esteem by the society they live in, it is going to cause them to receive a lot of approval. Naturally, this is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Deep Fulfilment When what they do is something that is in alignment with their own truth, the approval that they receive from others will be the icing on the cake. One is then not going to be doing what they do to please others. Alternatively, what they do might not be very fulfilling, but it could be something that allows them to please a lot of people. This is then going to be like a cake without the filling; it is not going to be very satisfying. A Closer Look Nevertheless, even if one does come across as though they have it all together, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. The reason why they are unable to relax can be due to the fact that they believe that their value is based on what they do as opposed to who they are. Therefore, the only way they will be able to feel good about themselves is if they are doing something. One is then going to be a human being who has inherent value, but they are not going to realise this. A Slave One can then believe that they are only as good as the last thing that they have achieved, and even if they feel good after this, it is not going to last. It will then be vital for them to achieve something else. Letting go is not going to be an option for them; if they were to do this, they would soon have to face up to how they feel about themselves. Ultimately, it is not going to matter what they achieve externally, as it won’t have a lasting effect on what is taking place within them. A Big Contrast One is then going to achieve things that have value, but they are going to see themselves as someone who has no value. This could then cause one to wonder why they see themselves in this way. As their value is based on who they are and not on what they do, it is likely to show that they didn’t receive what they needed in order to develop in the right way when they were younger. Going Deeper During this time, it is highly unlikely that one received unconditional love. The attention and approval that they received from their caregiver/s would have been the result of them playing a certain role. So if one did what these people wanted, it would have allowed them to receive positive feedback. This would then have caused them to disconnect from their true-self and stopped them from being able to connect to their inherent value. Awareness Another way of looking at it would be to say that one was abused and/or neglected when they were younger. Ergo, what happened all those years ago is still going to be defining their life. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to heal the trauma that is within them and to be a human being, perhaps for the first time in their life.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that the only way that one can avoid being criticised is if they don’t do anything. When this happens, one will be in the shadows, so to speak, and it will be normal for people to overlook them.
Black and White However, even though this can sound accurate, it could be said that there is more to it. As even if one doesn’t do anything in life, there are still going to be people who will put them down. One could end being called lazy, amongst other things, and they could be seen as someone who only takes from the world. Until they give something back, the people around them are unlikely to change their behaviour. It Goes On If they started to do something with their life, they might believe that this will stop the people around them from behaving in the same way. And as their behaviour has changed, it could be said that this is to be expected. Yet, before long, one will soon see that this is not going to stop other people from criticising them. The kinds of things people come out with will be different, but they are still going to feel the need to have a go at them. The Road More Travelled Still, if one does something that other people typically approve of, it is likely to limit the amount of criticism that they receive. One is not going to go off the beaten track, and this will be seen as the right approach for them to take. This may show that one is doing something that matters to them, or they could be playing it safe. If they are playing it safe, the positive feedback that they receive from others is not going to have much of an effect on them. It Is Not Enough What this comes down to is that in order for one to live a fulfilling life, they need to listen to their own needs and feelings. If they don’t do this and they focus on pleasing others, it is going to cause them to suffer. One can embrace how they feel, or they can end up doing everything they can to avoid what is taking place within them. Their priority will then be to please others and this is going to stop them from being able to please themselves. Approval So while it is good to receive approval from others, this is not going to be enough for one to feel as though they are on the right track. Having said that, it might take one a little while before they realise this. Their need for approval could be so strong that it causes them to disconnect from their true needs and feelings. This is then going to stop them from being able to face up to the fact that what they are doing isn’t going to bring them true fulfilment. Self-Worth When one does something to please other people, it can show that they don’t value themselves. Therefore, through receiving positive feedback from others, it will allow them to change how they feel. One’s value is then not going to be based on who they are; it will be based on what they do. And as they have this outlook, it is then going to be normal for them to have a strong need to achieve things. Hunger There is then the chance that one will be someone who is fairly driven, or they could be extremely driven. This is going to make it difficult for them to just be, but it will generally stop them from having to face their true feelings. If they were to take their foot of the gas and to take it easy, they might soon end up feeling worthless. At a deeper level, one is likely to believe that other people will reject and abandon them if they find out how flawed they are. Protection Achieving things in the external world is then going to be a way for them to feel good about themselves and to stop other people from ostracising them. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pressure. If one is doing something that is somewhat fulfilling, it might be easier for them to experience life in this way. Even so, it is still going to take a lot from them, and there are going to be moments when they don’t receive the kind of feedback that they want. Another Part of Them When another person says something negative about their work, one can end up taking it to heart. What this person said won’t have been aimed at them personally, but that is not going to matter. What they have created is not just going to be something that has come from them; it will be another part of them. And as one sees their work in this way, it is not going to be a surprise for them to behave in this way. Worthless One is in a position where they are unable to detach from what they create; if they were to do this, they would feel worthless. Their value has been externalised, and this is why their value is defined by how people respond to their work. Through attaching their value to what they produce, it will have given them the chance to elevate themselves. The downside to this is that other people are going to have a lot of control over how they feel. Awareness When someone criticises their work, it is going to trigger how they feel at a deeper level. The pain that comes to the surface can relate to what took place when they were younger, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Ultimately, there value is not based on what they do; it is based on who they are. Once they realise this, they will no longer need to be so attached to what they create, and they won’t have the need to create things that are perfect. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to have a very busy life, and this can stop them from being able to just be. During the week, there is likely be the amount of time that they are at work each day and, once they get home, they may have other things to do.
Another Job This could be a time when they will have to do things for work, and this could show that this is something that takes over their whole life. But even if they don’t have any work to do when they are at home, they could soon be taking part in some kind of exercise. There is the chance that this will take up most of their evening, and they will need to find time to have something to eat. Once this takes place, it might not be long until they have to go to bed. No Different One might then spend a lot of time counting down the days until the weekend, and they could think about what they will do. This part of their week is then going to be a time when they are able to take it easy and to recharge their batteries, so to speak. Having said that, this might not be what happens; instead, one might spend their weekends working. Or, if this doesn’t happen, they could have so much on that it stops them from being able to use this time to relax. Stuck On a Treadmill If one was to take a step back from it all, they could feel as though they are no longer a human being. They might see that it would be more accurate to describe themselves as a human doing. So, although one is not a machine, they are going to be behaving like one. And what might also come to mind is that even machines need to rest; if they don’t, they will end up being burned out. Self-Reflection Upon realising this, one could look into what they can do to live their life differently. This would show that one has had enough of experiencing life in this way, and that it is now time for them to live like a human being. At the same time, one might be in a position where they are fed up with how their life is but that could be as far as it will go. One will then get back on the treadmill and it might only be a matter of time before they step back again. The Norm If one does just carry on with how their life is, they might not come across anyone who encourages them to change their life. What this comes down to is that they could be surrounded by people who experience life in the same way. On the plus side, there is the chance that one will be able to complain about their life to these people. Now, this won’t change anything but what it will do is allow them to let of a bit of steam. External Support What one may find is that they are able to relax if they drink alcohol or take another substance. But unless they consume something like this, it is a challenge for them to just let go and to embrace the moment. If they were to do this, it could cause them to feel uncomfortable, and this might them give them the urge to do something. It might then be accurate to say that it is not that one doesn’t have time to relax; it is that they don’t want to relax. By Design Therefore, even though living in this way is causing them to experience a lot of stress, it is going to be what feels comfortable. Furthermore, if one feels this way when they relax, there is the chance that there is a reason why their job takes up most of their life. It is then not that one just happens to have a job where they don’t have a lot of time to just be; it is that they chose a job like this. One can then feel like a victim and as though they have no control over their life, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. A Human Being When someone can relax and they enjoy doing nothing, they can find it hard to understand why this wouldn’t be the case for everyone. This will show that they are able to just be and they have the ability to take action. What this is likely to show is that one value themselves, and this is why they don’t need to always be doing something. On the other hand, when one doesn’t feel this way, it can be incredibly difficult for them to just be. A Human Doing This is likely to be a time when one will have to face how they feel about themselves, and this is likely to cause them to experience a lot of pain. But through taking action, it will allow them to keep their true feelings at bay. If one was to just be with their feelings, they might end up feeling completely worthless. Taking action is then not just going to be a way for them to avoid how they feel; it will also be a way for them to feel good about themselves. External Self-Worth Through being out of touch with their own inherent value, it is then going to be normal for them to believe that their value is based on what they do. They could still be seen as someone who has it all together. The motivation that they have to achieve things is then going to be fuelled by their need to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. Thus, if one was to no longer feel worthless, there would be no reason for them to behave in the same way. Awareness What this can show is that one was abused and/or neglected during their early years. This would have meant that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed in order to develop in the right way. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to look at what is taking place within them and to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, terrorist attacks have become a regular occurrence in the west. But while the majority of people who live in this part of the world are going to remember what it was like before, there are going to be others who will have been brought up in an country where this was a normal part of life.
A New Beginning What this is likely to show is that they used to live in a country that wasn’t very safe, and they would have then moved to this country to get away from it all. It might then be hard for them to come to terms with what is taking place; especially if they thought that they had put all this behind them. One could wonder how something like this could happen in a country that is so different to the one that they used to live in. There is also the chance that they are not surprised that these kinds of attacks are now taking place. Another Part of the World Yet, if one lives in a country where these kinds of occurrences have always taken place, it will be a normal part of their life. This is not to say that they accept what is taking place, but it will be something that they have had to put up with. And if they were to hear about what is taking place in the west, it might not have an effect on them. In fact, they might think about how it is still a lot safer to live in this part of world than it is to live where they are. The Response When a terrorist attack takes place in the west, it is likely to be covered by the mainstream media. What this shows is that this attack is not going to be overlooked; it will be given a lot of exposure. So, if one is someone who buys a paper each day, they would soon find out about what has taken place. This would also be the case if they were to watch TV or to listen to the radio. The People in Power After a little while, there is a strong chance that a number of politicians will have something to say about what has taken place. This could be a time when one will believe that these people have said the right thing, or they might feel as though something is missing. It could be as though they what they have said lacks substance, and there is the chance that they have heard them say something like this before. Consequently, one may have grown tired with the kind of things that the people at the top come out with after a terrorist attack. Another Part But if one doesn’t buy a paper, watch TV or listen to the radio, it doesn’t mean that they will miss out. What has taken place is likely to be all over social media; it will be hard for them to not find out about it. The attack is likely to be ‘trending’, and there will be what their ‘friends’ and family have shared about it. As time passes, some of these people might change their profile picture to show solidarity. The Focus During this time, there is likely to be a focus on standing together and not giving into hate; love will be seen as the answer. Through taking this approach, it will show that the terrorists are not having an effect. Based on this, the alternative would be for people to end up being divided and to be consumed by hate. Clearly, this is not the answer; this would just make everything even worse. Powerless However, although the first approach is going to be better than the second, it could be said that it is not exactly empowering. When one believes that love is the answer and they are not angry about what has taken place, they are going to be acting in a very passive manner. Apart from showing love, it will be as if there is nothing that can be done about what is taking place. And while ‘love’ is put forward as way to solve what is going on, it is highly unlikely that this will have much of an effect. Insanity Now, this is not to say that treating people in the right way is a waste of time, but this is not always going to work. For example, as anyone who has been in an abusive relationship will know, treating people in the right way doesn’t always lead to a positive outcome. Also, one only needs to speak to people who have spent around a psychopath to know that love is not always the answer. Displaying love is one thing, but it is another thing altogether as to whether another person will be able to accept it. Perfectly Normal When one has spent most of their life around people who are good natured and is only exposed people who not like this when they watch a film, for instance, it can set them up to believe that everyone has good intentions. And if there was absolutely nothing that could be done about what is taking place, there will be no reason whatsoever for one to get angry. This is then similar to how one can end up feeling sad, but not angry, if a relative has passed on due to natural causes. On the other hand, if a doctor could have saved them but didn’t, it would be normal for them to also feel angry. The Connection If one came to see that these kinds of attacks don’t just happen, it will be completely rational for them to get angry. The part of them that wants to keep them alive will have kicked in. This will show that one is not in a place of fear; as if they were, they wouldn’t be experiencing anger. And when one can experience anger without losing control, it can show that they are an integrated human being; there mind will be working with their emotions (body). Conclusion Ultimately, anger is not good or bad; it is there to keep one alive. When one disconnects from their anger, it is going to be a lot easier to control them, and it could be said that this is the only thing that the people at the top are interested in. Undoubtedly, there are many things that need to be looked at when it comes to these terrorist attacks. When this happens, it will then be possible to do something about what is taking place.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that there are going to be moments in everyone’s life when they do something wrong. When this takes place, one could see if there is anything they can do to put it right.
The Next Step If it becomes clear that they can do something about what has taken place, they might soon take action. But if they are not aware of what they can do, they might end up asking someone else for their feedback. This could be a trusted friend, or they might end up asking someone who has a good understanding of what has taken place. Before long, one might have a good idea about what they can do. A Different Response Alternatively, one might see that the best thing they can do is to apologise for what has taken place. From here, they might make sure that they don’t behave in the same way again. This will show that one realised that they had done something wrong, and this is what allowed them to do something about it. In addition to this, there is likely to be the effect that the people around them had. Taking Responsibility One is then going to be someone who holds their hand up when they have done something wrong, as opposed to blaming other people. Not only will this allow them to change their behaviour; it will also have a positive effect on their relationships. This will give them the opportunity to grow and develop, and the people around them are going to appreciate their behaviour. There will be the effect this has on their personal relationships and on their career. Progress Through taking responsibility for how they behave, it is likely to endear them to others. One will also be indirectly letting the other people know what they think of them. So if they let a friend down, for instance, behaving in this way could bring them closer together. The other person will see that one respects them and that they value their friendship. Moving Up the Ladder When one conducts themselves in this way, it will prove to the people they work with that they are able to act like an adult. This will stop these people from having to be responsible for things that are not their responsibility. One will be able to learn from their mistakes and they won’t push other people away, and it is then going to be a lot easier for them to make progress in their career. And if they are self-employed, their clients/customers are more likely to use their services in the future and to recommend what they do to others. Another Experience But while this is going to be how some people behave, there are going to be others who respond differently. As a result of this, they can have the propensity to act as though they haven’t done anything wrong. Through behaving in this way, the people around them could find it hard to understand what is going on. It will be only too clear who is responsible, but they are not going to be able to accept this. A Victim One could act as though it has got nothing do with them and that they are being treated unfairly. It is then not that one has done anything wrong and that these people are right to hold them accountable; it is that the people around them are just having a go at them for no reason. An extreme example of this would be someone who acts as though they are being treated badly, after they have been sent to prison for committing a crime. The damage that they have caused is then irrelevant and they are the ones who are suffering. Avoidance What this is going to show is that one is not willing to face the consequences of their actions. When one behaves in this way, it can show that they lack self-awareness, and it could be a sign that one hasn’t got much of a conscience. Or, if this is not the case, this is part of them is typically going to offline when they do something wrong. Naturally, this is going to cause them drive a lot of people away, and this might have caused them to lose a number of jobs. Sucked In Still, this doesn’t mean that this kid if behaviour will have a negative effect on everyone, as there are likely to be people who end up feeling sorry for them. One will then have been able to manipulate these people, and this will partly take place through utilising the guilt that is within them. When someone falls for this kind of behaviour, it could show that they feel responsible for other people, and that they don’t value themselves. They could also fear standing their ground, and this is then why they put up with this kind of behaviour. A Closer Look If one has the tendency to behave in this way, it could show that they were not given the right guidance during their early years. Perhaps they were brought up by people who let them get away with too much, and this would have meant that they didn’t set the right limits. One is then no longer going to be a child, but they won’t have received what they needed in order to develop into a responsible adult. There may also have been someone else around them when they were younger who behaved in the same way. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to look into why they behave this way and to change their behaviour.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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