When it comes to someone’s self-image, there is the chance that it is having a positive effect on their life. How they see themselves is then going to allow them to feel good about themselves and to fulfil their needs.
Two Parts What this shows is how much of an effect one’s view of themselves has on their life; it is not something that can simply be overlooked. So, even if one isn’t aware of how they see themselves, it is still going to play a big part in their life. Whether they believe they are capable of doing something will depend on this, and this is then going to define how they behave. This is why it is often said that it is what is going on within someone that will decide if they fail or succeed, and not on what is going on around them. Moving Forward Thus, when one’s image of themselves is positive, there is a strong chance that their life is worth living. One may have a fulfilling career, friends who support them and an intimate relationship with the person of their dreams. This could show that one has had an empowering view of themselves since the beginning of their life, or they might have developed this is their later years. If this is something they have had for most of their life, it could be something that it is just a normal part of their life. A Different Experience One is then going to be in a position where they are more or less always expected their life to go in a certain direction, to do well and to be around people who support them. Ultimately, one is not going to be all too familiar with what it is like to experience life differently. On the other hand, if one hasn’t always experienced life in this way, they could have moments when they think about their life used to be. This could cause them to feel grateful for how their life is. Low Expectations If they were to think about how they used to see life, they may find that they didn’t expect anything good to happen to them. One would have had to tolerate what was taking place, and it would then have been a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. But while one will now see that they didn’t expect anything good to happen to them, this might not have been how they saw things in the past. This may have been seen as just how their life was, as opposed to something they had control over. Out of Touch Therefore, regardless of whether one has a positive or a negative self-image, it doesn’t mean that they are aware of it. How one sees themselves is then going to be the truth, and it won’t be seen as something that is not set in stone. Now, if one has a positive view of themselves, it is not going to matter if they realise that how they sees themselves is something they have constructed. It is not going to be as if they need to change it. Powerless One is going to know that they do have an effect on their environment, and this is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. There will be things that they don’t have control over and things that they do have control over. When one does have a negative view of themselves and they are unable detach from what is taking place within them, it is going to have negative effect on their mental and emotional health. One is not going to see that they have negative beliefs; as far as they are concerned, they have very little, if any, control over their life. One Outcome Through being this way, it can set them up to have a victim mentality, and this can have an effect on every area of their life. They may have friends who are supportive, or they could spend time around people who take advantage of them. But even if they spend around people who treat them well, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to accept their support. Alternatively, one could spend time with people who also believe that they have no effect on their life. Another Area One may have a job that they can’t stand, or they might do something that is meaningful and only be able to get so far. So no matter what they do, they are not going to be able to experience true fulfilment. If they are in an intimate relationship, it is unlikely to be any different to how it is with their friends. This could be someone who treats them badly, or they might not have much of a connection with them. Acceptance However, while experiencing life in this way is not going to give them a lot to smile about, it doesn’t mean that it will be all bad. They could be used to having people tell them how unlucky they are and offering them their support. In fact, one could find that the more problems they have the more attention they receive from others. When this takes place, they could end up feeling good about themselves, and as though these people accept them. A Deeper Look What this could show is that one only feels loved when their life is not going very well. If they were to experience life differently, this could be seen as something that will cause them to be rejected by others. It might be hard for them to understand why they would believe this, but it might soon make sense of they look back on what took place when they were younger. During this time, they might have only received attention from their caregivers when they had a problem. Awareness One would then have formed associations around love and having problems, and this would have taken place unconsciously. Experiencing life in this way is causing them to suffer, but it is going to be what feels safe. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to change what is taking place within them and to embrace their personal power.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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There are a number of things that have been said about social media, and what is often said is that it connects people. This is something that can’t be denied; it no longer matters where someone is in the world, as they will still be able to talk to their ‘friends’ and family.
All Together One can add their ‘friends’ and family to their Friend List, and this will allow them to stay up to date with them. By looking through their wall, one can see what they have been doing, and they can message them. It is going to be a lot easier for them to find out about what these people have been doing by looking through their wall, but this approach is not always going to be enough. For one thing, not every they know is going to share their whole life online. A Few Taps Away However, even if one does send someone a message, it is not going to take a lot of effort. Talking to people this way it is going to take far less energy than it would if they were to call them up. And while it could be said that sending someone a message is not the same as calling them, there are going to be moments when this is not an option. For example, if one has a friend who is in another country, it might not be possible for them to call them. Another Factor What would be even better than speaking to them on the phone would be for one to meet them in person; but once again, this is not always going to be an option. This is why social media is so beneficial. Also, In addition to the fact that people are often so spread out in today’s world, there is also the pace at which so many people live their lives. Thus, it might not matter how close they are to their ‘friends’ and family, as they might not be able to see them very often. Isolated What this shows is that if social media didn’t exist, it would probably be a lot harder for them to stay in touch with people. It might then be normal for them to feel cut-off from others, and this would cause them to suffer mentally and emotionally. There is also the chance that one uses social media to stop themselves form feeling cut-off for others. Perhaps one doesn’t have any real close friends in the real world, and going online gives them the chance to talk to people. Better Than Nothing Now, this is not to say that face-to–face interactions can be replaced by online conversations; what is comes down to is that going online can make it easier for someone like this to function. If this option wasn’t available, they could end up suffering in silence. The support that they receive online can then give them the encouragement that they need to take the next step. From here, one can start to spend more time talking to people in the real world. Out In the Open This is also somewhere where one can share their worries and concerns with others, and they will be able to hear about what is going on for their ‘friends’ and family. Through being able to express themselves in this way, it can stop them from feeling weighed down and as though no one cares about them. These people might just offer their support, or some of them could provide them with a number of different solutions. The alternative would be for one to keep their problems to themselves, and this is likely to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. A Bigger Audience If one had a problem or if they were aware of something that wasn’t right, they will have the chance to reach out to people who they don’t know. What this comes down to is that something they share could end up going viral. One is then in a position where they have the platform to draw attention to something that needs to change. This shows how much influence someone can have through using social media. Black and White These are all examples of how social media brings people together and solves problems. Based on this, not only would people be more cut-off from each other without it; there would also be more problems in the world. Having said that, if one was to take the time to read through the comments that people leave and what they write on their own wall, for instance, they might see that there is more to it. What might begin to stand out is that social media also creates a lot of problems. A Big Difference One of the reasons for this is that social media makes it easy for people to share whatever is on their mind. One can then share things that they would usually keep to themselves, and it is then not going to be a surprise if this causes them to create problems. When one is in the real world, what they say is going to be influenced by the environment they are in. This will stop them from saying certain things and it will then allow them to get along with other people. The Importance of Restraint When this takes place one is going to keep certain things to themselves, but this will allow them to function in society. The reason for this is that by having the ability to hold certain things back; it will allow them to get along with other people. If, on the other hand, they were to always share what was going on in their mind, it would set them up to experience a lot of conflict in their day-to-day life. They might end up pushing everyone away and this could put their survival at risk. Part of Growing Up When one was a child, there is the chance that they said whatever came to their mind, and then this would have changed as they got older. They would have realised that they were not the centre of the universe and that they have to think about other people’s needs. Not only would this allow them to get on with other people, it would also allow them to fit into society. Yet, while one can behave in this way when they are in the real world, it doesn’t mean that they will behave in the same way when they use social media. Out of Touch with Reality What social media also does is give people a lot of control when it comes to what they see and what they don’t see. Through having this kind of control, one can end up living in a bubble. Therefore, if they are exposed to information that goes against what they believe, they might not be willing to tolerate it. One of their ‘friends’ could say something that they disagree with and they could delete them. Through spending time on social media, one will have come to believe that a friend is someone who has the same views as they do. If they have a different view, it will be necessary for them to remove them from their life. Conclusion One way of looking at this would be to say that just because one can do something it doesn’t mean that they should do it. Before one shares something, they could ask themselves if they would share what is on their mind if they were in the real world.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Worth: Why Do Some People Only Feel Good When They Are Receiving Positive Feedback From Others?17/6/2017
In today’s world, it could be said that it is not difficult for someone to receive positive feedback from others. This is largely due to the fact that this is something that can take place by using social media.
It’s Easy The only thing that one will need to have is some kind of device, and from here, they will be able to receive positive feedback from their ‘friends’. This will typically take place through uploading pictures and sharing what they have been doing. There is going to be no need for them to leave their home or to do anything significant; they will just be able to tap a screen a few times. It might then only be a matter of time before people start to ‘like’ and comment on what they have shared. Now and Then Now, this could be something that one does a few times a week, or they could it a few times a day. What is also likely to play a part here is what kind of mood they are in, as they could share more when they feel down, for instance. If one generally doesn’t share a lot, it could show that they don’t have a strong need for approval from others. Yet, if one does need to share a lot, it could show that this isn’t the case. Another Part It would be inaccurate to say that everyone is going to receive the same amount of positive feedback. What will play a part here is how many ‘friends’ someone has, and it could be said that this is something that they have a certain amount control over. Another thing that will have an effect will be what they look like, and there is only going to be so much that they can do about this. So if one is seen as being physically attractive, it is likely to be a lot easier for them to receive positive feedback from others. Less Effort Through being this way, it is going to be even easier than it will be for the people who are not seen in this way. That is unless someone has worked hard and achieved something significant. In this case, someone will have created value through doing things; but when one is attractive, they won’t have to do anything to be seen as being valuable. Regardless of what they do or what they have achieved, they are likely to be seen as having value. The Illusion of Equality What this shows is that although we all come from the same source, that doesn’t mean that everyone is seen as having the same value. While the ideal might be for everyone to be seen as having the same value, that’s not how this world works at this time. How someone looks plays a big part in how people respond them, and perhaps this is why the west is so obsessed with youth and beauty. And even if someone denies this, there is still a strong chance that they will respond more favourably to people who are attractive. In The Past But with that aside, what is clear is that it takes a lot less effort for someone to receive positive feedback than it used to. When social media didn’t exist, one would have needed to go out into the world. And before this took place, they would have spent a certain amount time on their appearance. The amount of time a man would have spent would typically have been far less than a woman would have spent. Secure When one is in position where they don’t need a lot of positive feedback from others and they only share things from time to time, it can show that they have a positive self-image. One then feels good about themselves and they are not emotionally dependent on other people. Therefore, while they will appreciate hearing good things from other people, it is not going to be something that they desperately need. Ultimately, one is going to have a strong sense of self. Another Experience If, on the other hand, one needs a lot of positive feedback from others and they are always sharing things, it can show that they don’t value themselves. Consequently, this is likely to illustrate that they have a negative view of themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that one is in touch with how they see themselves, and this is because they could spend most of their life being disconnected from what is taking place within them. The positive feedback that they receive from others will be what allows them to avoid their true feelings. Insecure Due to this, one is going to be emotionally dependent on other people, and if they don’t receive positive feedback from others, they could end up feeling down. Receiving positive feedback from others is not going to be something they want; it will be something that they need. Other people are going to have a lot of power over them, and this is likely to how that they don’t have a strong sense of self. At a deeper level, one may find that they feel worthless. A Closer Look When one feels this way, it won’t matter what they look like; the feedback that they receive from others is not going to have a lasting effect on them. What this can show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this will have stopped them from being able to develop into a secure human being. The years have then passed but one’s life is still being defined by what took place all those years ago. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to look into what is taking place within them and to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It seems that not a day goes by without a celebrity sharing their views on something that is not related to their profession. And like everyone else on this planet, it could be said that they are entitled to their own opinion.
The Truth However, when a celebrity says something it can have a far bigger effect than if the average person said the same thing. Along with the amount of exposure it can receive, there will also be the impact it has on others. As while there will be people who will think about what they have heard, there will be others who don’t. The fact it has come out of a certain celebrity’s mouth will then be the only thing that matters. Straight In When this takes place, it is likely to show that someone looks up to this celebrity. Therefore, even though they are just a singer or an actor, for instance, they are going to be seen as having all the answers. Consequently, it is not going to be difficult to control how this person sees the world; their mind is going to be highly suggestible. Now, this could show that they are not very old, but this might not be the case. An Opinion If a celebrity was to say something and they made it clear that this was just their view, it could show that they have been able to keep their feet on the ground, so to speak. But when they act as though what they are saying is the truth, it could show that their success has goes to their head. What this can then do is to give them a false sense of their own importance and, as a result of this, they can see themselves as being an expert in just about everything. It is then going to be irrelevant as to whether they actually know what they are talking about. For Example This is then similar to how someone can do short course on something and end up believing that they are an expert. In this case, it is highly unlikely that other people would take them seriously. Yet when a celebrity positions themselves as an expert of something they know very little about, it can be normal for other people to go along with it. As this person can sing or act, for instance, it will mean that they are qualified to talk about it. Overlooked And as some of these people act as though they know just about everything, there is going to be no reason for someone to look towards the people who actually know what they are talking about. The real experts can then end up being cast aside, and in their place will be people who are ill-informed. This is then akin to someone asking a close friend for advice on how to fix their car, even though their friend hasn’t got a clue what they are talking about. Through taking this approach they might be able to repair their car, but there is also the chance that this won’t happen. Uninformed When it relates to the latter, one could soon end up being effected by their friend’s lack of knowledge. This could be mean that one will end up crashing their car, or it could be even worse. Yet, when it relates to the former, one might not even be aware of the fact that the person they are looking up to is giving them wrong information. One is then going to be in a position where they think they know what they are talking about, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. The Current Focus One thing that a number of celebrities have been talking about as of late is the current migrant crisis. And thanks to social media, it is easier than ever before for these people to share their views with the world. A number of them have used this platform to talk about how certain countries are not doing enough. It could then be said that these people are putting themselves in the shoes of the people who are in need of somewhere to live. The Moral High Ground Based on how they have been behaving, it can seem as though they have their heart in the right place. These celebrities are then only too aware of what these people are going through. So, not only can they have special talent, they also have a very big heart to go with it. Their needs are then being put to one side and their priority will be to make sure that the world does more for these people. Selective Empathy If, on the other hand, someone has a problem with letting so many people come into their country, it doesn’t mean that they will be treated in the same way by these celebrities. Instead, they could label them as being ‘racist’ or as having some kind of phobia, for instance, and make out that they don’t have a heart. What this shows is that these celebrities are not willing to listen to the concerns that these people have and to put themselves in their shoes. It could be said that these celebrities are more cornered with looking right and feeling good about themselves than they are with looking into what would be the best solution. Out of Touch with Reality This can cause the average person wonder why these celebrities are behaving in this way; it can be as if they are betraying the very people who have helped them to get to where they are. Even so, due to the kind of life that these people live, it could be said that their behaviour is to be expected. While the average person is on the front line, so to speak, these celebrities are in their ivory tower. There may have been a time when they lived like the average person, but the life they now lead is going to be radically different. Conclusion Ultimately, the celebrities that behave in this way are going to be out of touch with the real world. What comes out of their mouth is then going to have very little, if any, value, and it will be best for people to take it with a pinch of salt.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of countries around the world that have a general election every few years; that is, of course, unless a snap election takes place. When an election take place, the general public will have the chance to vote for part that they believe will lead the country in the right way.
A Big Difference Nowadays, it is easier than ever before for someone to find out about what each party stands for, and this is primarily due to the internet. In the past, one would have had to read a paper, watch TV, or to listen to the radio, for instance. But through being able to go online, it is no longer necessary for them rely on these sources of information. The only thing they will need is a device and from here, they can browse the web for all of the information that they need. A Daunting Task Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that this approach will work for everyone, as there are going to be people who still prefer the old way of doing things. What this can come down to is that they might not know where to go online, or they could end up being overwhelmed by so much information. Thus, through listening to the radio or reading a paper, for instance, everything will be laid out for them. This will be a lot easier for them to handle, and they won’t have to worry about if they are being exposed to ‘fake news’. Two Sides Yet, while this can be easier, this can cause them to miss out on a lot of information. One way of looking at this would be to say that these sources can’t cover everything, and that they only have time to talk about the things that are important. Another way of looking at this would be to say that these sources are biased, and this then defines what they do or don’t cover. It can then appear as though they are simply presenting the facts, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. An Alternative Route Naturally, there are going to be people who are only too aware of how the mainstream media works, and this will be the reason why they look towards other sources. This is going to mean that they will need to look into things for themselves and this will take more energy, but it is likely to give them a better understanding of what is going on. It could be said that this is the difference between buying food from an organic farm and buying it from a supermarket. The supermarket could be closer and it might be cheaper, but there is also the chance that a lot of what they buy won’t be as healthy. Pulled In In the short-term, it will take more effort, but it will be worth it in the long-term. And through having so much information available, it can be easy for someone to end up being consumed by what is taking place. As far as they are concerned, this could be seen as an opportunity for them to have an effect on the direction that their country will take. Through having this outlook, they might do everything they can do to make sure that the people around them also vote. One Step Further This could a far as they will go, or they might share their views on social media. One could end up telling their ‘friends’ to vote for a certain party, or they could just tell them to make the most of this opportunity. But regardless of whether they talk about this on social media or not, this is likely to show that one has a clear idea of who they are going to vote for. The party they are voting for could just be seen as being slightly better than the others, or one could be amazed by what one party will do if they get into power. Heard it All Before When one is not caught up in what is taking place and believes that one party is marginally better than the others, it could show that one has listened to the mainstream media and the alternative media. In addition to this, they might be only too aware of what has taken place after previous elections. It will then be clear to that there is what these politicians say and then there is what actually takes place if they are elected. Ultimately, their memory is going to be too good for them to fall for what these people come out with. Distracting the Masses This is not to say that one will believe that everything these politicians say won’t happen, as they might see that it is not this black and white. In their eyes, it could be as if people are promised a full course meal, but they end up being given a few crumbs instead. So while it would be inaccurate to say that they don’t keep any of their promises, it would be just as inaccurate to say that they keep all of them. One may have heard that the only reason people are allowed to vote is because it doesn’t have an effect; if it did, they wouldn’t be able to do it. Another Experience When one is caught up with what is taking place, it can show that they have only just got into politics; perhaps they were not old enough to vote before. One is then wide open and they can believe just about everything they hear. This could also show that one only pays attention to the mainstream media, and the people around them may have also had an effect on what they believe. At the same time, one might have voted on a number of occasions in the past. Memory Problems If one has only just got into politics, it might only be a matter of time before they realise that politicians have the tendency to tell people what they want to hear. Thus, when the next election takes place, they might not get too caught up in it. On the other hand, if one has voted in the past and they are full of enthusiasm about what will take place if a certain party wins, it could show that they are unable to remember what has taken place in the past. Or, overlooking what has taken place in the past could be a way for them to stop themselves from feeling powerless. Conclusion Out of their need to avoid how they feel, one will have stopped themselves from being able to think critically. This will allow them to feel good for short while and then they will have to face up to the fact that they can’t rely on anyone else to change their life. In order for one to change their life, it will be essential for them to embrace their own power as opposed to giving it to other people. Ultimately, this is the only way that their life will change for the better. Voting is not a complete waste of time as certain things can take place through this approach. But if one expects these politicians to completely change their life, they are likely to be in for a big shock.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one reads the paper on a regular basis and/or spends time on social media, they may have heard about people who have been offended by something. Now, one may see that there are times when this is valid, and times when it isn’t.
Part of Life However, if one was to take a step back from all this, they may come to see that being offended is just part of life. It is then not going to be possible for them (or anyone else) to live in a world that always has a positive effect on them. And along with what someone can say that is offensive, they might also see that they also play a part in how they feel. One is then not going to see themselves as being a passive observer of what is taking place. Two Parts Based on this, there is going to be what someone says to them and there is going to be how they interpret what is said. This is why one person can hear somewhere and it can go over their head, and another person can hear the same thing and experience a strong emotional reaction. Perhaps there was a time in their life when they didn’t realise this, and this then caused them to believe that other people are in control of how they feel. Yet, through developing self-awareness, it will have allowed them to see what was taking place. An Investment In the beginning, this may have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and they may have had moments when they wondered if it was worth it. But through sticking to this process and developing the ability to observe what is taking place within them, it would have allowed them to take their power back. If one continued to behave in the same way, they would still believe that other people are in control of their emotional responses. Consequently, there would have been the need for them to control what other people can or can’t say. Oppression One would be in a position where they believe that other people are trying to control them, and trying to control what other people say would be a way for them to change this. Fortunately, this didn’t take place and one was able to see what part they were playing. This is not to say that one didn’t behave in this way when they were unaware of what part they were playing in all this. If one was to look back at this stage in their life, they might find it hard to understand how they could have been so unaware. Moving On The main thing is that they have been able to get on the right track, and this will allow them to use their time and energy more productively. And as one is only going to be on this planet for so long, they are not going to have time and energy to waste. If one is living a life that is deeply meaningful, it will stop them from being distracted by the trivialities of life. Nevertheless, if something does have a negative effect on them, they will have the ability to look into why this is. A Different Reality When someone has the tendency to be offended, they are going to have a completely different outlook. As far as they are concerned, what takes place within them will be seen as something that is defined by what other people say to them, or what other people say in general. Thus, the other way their life is going to change is if other people do, and this could cause them to see themselves as a victim. The people who offend them are then going to be the perpetrators. The Evidence What this is likely to show is that one’s primary focus is on how they feel, and this is going to be what guides them. The thinking part of their brain will have been put to one side and they won’t be operating as a whole human being. It is then not going to matter if how they feel doesn’t have anything to do with reality, as anything that goes against how they feel will end up being cast aside. One is then caught up in a subjective world and in this world, their emotions are more important that anything else. Backwards Rationalization But although their thinking brain will be offline in the early stages, it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that it will stay this way. The reason for this is that one will use this part of their brain to explain why their feelings are justified. As a result of this, one can end up coming across as though they are behaving in a way that is entirely rational. It is then not that they lack the ability observe what is taking place within them and to regulate their own emotions; it is that other people are in control of how they feel. The Moral High Ground What will make it easier for one to continue to behave in this way is that there are plenty of people who have the same outlook in life. This can stop one from coming to terms with the fact that they are emotionally undeveloped. Instead, one can see themselves as being better than the people who are offending them. These people will be the ones who will need to change their behaviour, and there will be no reason for them to change. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it is going to be necessary for them to develop their ability to observe what is taking place within them and to regulate their emotions. They may also find that they are carrying trauma in their body, and this could be what is causing them to be overwhelmed by their emotions. Through developing this ability and dealing with the pain that is in their body, it might enable them to act in a more conscious manner. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While one could be in a position where they are able to listen to their own needs, there is also the chance that they are unable to do so. If they are able to pay attention to what is taking place within them, it will show that this is what feels safe.
True-Self One is going to be in touch with who they are and there will be no reason for them to please other people. The reason this shows that this is what feel safe is because if this wasn’t the case, it wouldn’t be possible for them to behave in this way. What this shows is how important it is for someone to feel safe enough to be themselves. When this is in place, one won’t need to put on an act and to be someone they are not. The Outcome So, through being this way, one’s relationships are likely to be very fulfilling. The people who they are close to are going to know who they are and, as one is this way, there is a strong chance that these people are also in touch with themselves. One is going to be expressing their true-self and they won’t need to worry about whether these people like them or not. These people will know who they are and they will be in their life; this will prove that they accept them. In The Beginning If one is at a point in their life where they are looking to start a new relationship, it is going to be a lot easier for them to find someone to be with. Not only will they reveal who they are when they meet someone, but they will also attract (and be attracted to) people who accept themselves. What this comes down to is that human beings don’t just ‘randomly’ come into contact with certain people. There is a reason why this takes place; the trouble is that this is a process that often happens unconsciously. Two Sides When one feels safe enough to be themselves, they will also feel safe around people who accept them. Thus, if they were to come into contact with someone who didn’t respond to them in this manner, there would be no reason for them to stay in their company. One wouldn’t feel conformable and this might give them the urge to end the interaction. Ultimately, this will show that one is working with themselves as opposed to against themselves. Not the End of the World If they were to meet someone who they have a connection with, they could end up taking things further. But even if they do like the person they have met, they are not going to have the need to impress them. This is may mean that they wont come across as needy, and this will then stop them from pushing the other person away. And as they don’t need to please them, it will allow them to stand their ground. Boundaries What this means it that they will have the ability to say yes and no, and they will be able to use each word at the right moment. Now, this doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to be flexible; it means that they won’t allow others to walk over them. Through being this way, they may find that they are able to accept that other people are not always going to go along with what they want. It could be clear to them that this is something that is just part of life. A Positive Impact And as they are able to draw the line, the people in their life will see that they value themselves. The people who they come into contact with for the first time will also pick up on this. Naturally, this is going to stop them from having to experience a lot of drama in their life. However, when one is unable to listen to their own needs, it is going to be a different story altogether. One Focus Their main priority will be to do everything they can to fulfil other people needs, and this is likely to affect every area of their life. Other people could believe that this is who they are, but this is going to be nothing more than a reflection of their false-self. When they spend time around their friends, their needs are going to be put to one side, and if they are in a relationship, it is unlikely to be any different. One is going to be more like an extension of others than a separate human being. A Door Mat There is going to be no reason for other people to respect them; they could wonder why they don’t listen to their own needs and stand their ground. It would be inaccurate to say that everyone will be like this though, as there will be people who are only too happy to take advantage of them. At a deeper level, behaving in this way is going to be what feels safe, and this is why one is experiencing life in this way. If they were to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, they may find that they have a fear of being rejected. Emotional Regulation Doing what other people want (and what they think they want) is then a way for them to have people in their life and to control how they feel. One is likely to believe that they would end up being rejected if they were to pay attention to their own needs and feelings. What this can show is that one had to please their caregiver/s during their early years; this would have been a matter of survival. This would have set them up to feel ashamed of their own needs. Awareness There can be the fear of being rejected and one can also carry the trauma of being rejected when they were younger. It is then not just something they fear, it is something that has already happened. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to suffer from anxiety, and this could be something that stops them from being able to function. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to just let go of how they feel and to live their life.
Nevertheless, even if this is something that they only experience in one area of their life, it could still cause them a lot of problems. This could be something that stops them from being able to socialise with others. The Difference One could then spend time around a close friend and this won’t stop them from being to be themselves. And if they have a job where they don’t see a lot of people, they might also be able to perform at their best. But if they were to join their friends on a night out or to go out into a crowded place during the day, it will be a different story. This will also be the case if one had to go to some kind of conference or to if they had to move into a working environment where there are lots of people. Loss of Control What this shows is that one’s life can end up being defined by anxiety even if it is not something that they always experience. So if they are in an environment where they are able to relax, it might not be long until they are in an environment where they are unable to. This could show that one has a party to go to once they finish work, for instance, and this is going to stop them from being able to feel at ease. It won’t matter what kind of environment they are in, as their mind will have taken them somewhere else. Out In the Open Now, if their friends are aware of how they experience life, it might be slightly easier for them to handle their anxiety. This can stop these people from criticising them for being this way, and they could do what they can to make sure that they don’t overwhelm them in any way. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will have people around them who have a good level of empathy. Maybe, some of these people also suffer from it or have done in the past. Hidden Alternatively, this could be a side that they try to keep to themselves, and this could show that one feels ashamed of what is taking place. Suffering from anxiety is going to be bad enough, but it will be even worse if they feel bad about being this way. This could cause them to harm themselves for being this way, and this could take place through how they talk to themselves. It could go ever further though, as they could engage in destructive behaviours. Isolated One is going to have people around then, but it will be as if they are all by themselves; the support that they desperately need is not going to be provided by these people. Still, as one doesn’t reveal what is going on for them, this is to be expected. There may have been a time when they spoke about how they felt and this may have resulted in them being put down. Wearing a mask is then going to be a way for them to protect themselves from what they believe would happen if they were to open up. One Step Further At the same time, there is also the chance that one hasn’t got anyone around them; one can then feel completely isolated. The kind of support that they need is going to be out of their reach. It could be said that this is a common problem in today’s world, even though it is so easy to talk to people on social media. What this comes down to is that face-to-face interaction is not something that can be replaced by talking to people over a screen. The Next Step If one is able to reach out for support, regardless of whether they are surrounded by people who are supportive, they could end up going to see their doctor. An alternative would be for them to go online and to use a search engine. Through taking one of these routes, they may end up being told that they need to change what is taking place in their mind and to alter their behaviour. What this will then do is allow them to change how they feel. On The Surface This could be an approach that will allow one to settle down and to no longer live a life that is, in one way or another, controlled by anxiety. The behavioural therapy approach will have been the answer they were looking for. What one could also find is that this is not having much of an effect on them, and this might cause them to look a little deeper. From here, one might begin to look into what is taking place in their body. The Forgotten Area In today’s world, the mind is typically seen as the most important area when it comes to mental and emotional health, and this causes the body to be overlooked. Not only is there a brain in one’s body that has a massive effect on what is taking place in the brain in their head; this is also an area where they can carry emotional pain and trauma. Therefore, if one was to look into what is taking place in their body, they may find that they have only been aware of what is taking place on the surface. Underneath their anxiety could be a lot of fear and pain. Going Deeper What one could find is that they fear that other people will reject and/or abandon them, and this is likely to how that they are carrying toxic shame. Along with this, one could have a fear pf being harmed by others. Experiencing anxiety is then going to be a way for one to make sure that other people don’t leave them and/or it will be a way for them to make sure they are not harmed. This is likely to show that one was abused and/or neglected when they were younger. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one has the desire to be in a relationship, they could have a clear idea about the kind of person that they want to be with. Perhaps one is at the stage of their life where they want to settle down and have children.
But even if this isn’t the case, they might want to find someone who is driven, has a good sense of humour, is reliable, and has similar values. It might also be important for them to be with someone who has a certain type of appearance. Both Sides As a result of this, it is not going to be enough for someone to behave in the right way; they will also need to have the right look. Therefore, if one was to meet someone who had the right personality but didn’t do it for them when it came to their appearance, it is not going to go any further. This may mean that they would end up taking things further if they had the right appearance; it could all depend on what is taking place within them. For example, if one felt needy, it could cause them to do something that they might later regret. Distracted Through having such a strong desire to be with someone, it would have caused them to go against their true needs. What this will allow one to see is how powerful their emotional needs are. This is the kind of thing that can happen when one hasn’t been with someone for a little while, or if they are still carrying unmet childhood needs. Yet, even if they were to do something like this, they could soon be back on track. The Right Match After a while, they could end up meeting someone who ticks all the right boxes, and this might enable them to put what has happened behind them. And even if one hasn’t just been with someone who wasn’t right for them, they are still going to be pleased about what is taking place. In addition to the traits they were looking for, there are likely to be the traits that they just expected someone to have. This is not to say that these are things that they have consciously thought about. Part of Life One of the things this can relate to is for the person they meet to have the ability to empathise with them. If someone was to ask them why this wasn’t on their list, they could say that this because this is something that every human being has. Based on this, it would be the same as them looking for someone who has a brain. So, even though one didn’t have this trait on their list, being with someone who can empathise with them is clearly going to have a big effect on their relationship. A Vital Component In fact, it could be said that it would be incredibly difficult for one to have a relationship with this person if they lacked this ability. Through being with someone who can put themselves in other people’s shoes, so to speak, it will allow them to connect to each other. One will be able to share their feelings and needs, and their partner will be able to acknowledge what is taking place within them. This is then going to stop their relationship from being one-sided. A Bridge Now, this doesn’t mean that their partner will always understand how they feel; what is means is that they will have a rough idea about what they are going through. Thus, even though they are two individuals, their ability to empathise with each other will close the gap that is between them. What this will then mean is that it will be easier for their partner to meet some of their needs. There will be moments when this takes place through talking to them, and there will be the moments when this takes place through tuning into their emotional state. A Bit of Both When they both have the ability to tune into what is going on for the other person and what is taking place within them, it will stop them from being out of balance. The alternative would be for one to completely focus on their partners needs, or for them to be consumed by their own needs. If the former was to take place, it would cause them to suffer and, if the latter was to occur, it would cause their partner to suffer. Perhaps this is why it is often said that a relationship is a dance, as each person needs to be able to lead and to follow. Out of Balance However, although one might expect everyone on the planet to have this ability, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. There are plenty of people on this planet who are unable to empathise with others. This could show that they are simply out of touch with their emotions or there could be more to it, but it is going to lead to the same outcome. One can then feel as though they are with someone who is unable to pick up on the signals that they are sending out. Confusion It is then not going to matter how they feel, as their partner is not going to b able to tune into their experience. If one is upset or angry about something, they could tell them to move on, or they could just end up walking away. Another thing that could take place is that one could talk to their partner about how their behaviour is having a negative effect on them, but it could go in one ear and out of the other. One can then end up feeling as though they are talking to a brick wall; the person they are with will look a human being, but they won’t act like one. Awareness To be with someone like this is not just going to be confusing; it will also cause one to suffer mentally and emotionally. If one finds themselves with someone like this, it might be best for them to cut their ties. And when one has the tendency to end up with people like this, it might be a good idea for one to reach out for external support. This could show that they feel worthless and that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs, amongst other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to what is taking place in the Middle East, what is clear is that a lot of people are suffering. The only thing that someone needs to do to realise this is to pick up a paper or to go online, for instance.
Carnage During this time, they might see that there are certain areas that have been completely destroyed. This is only going to be part of it though, as they are also likely to hear about the human life that has been lost. And if they were to stay up to date with what is taking place, they may come to the conclusion that it is highly unlikely that anything is going to change any time soon. So, while they will be able to put a paper down or to change the channel, this is not going to be an option for the people who live there. Disconnected Through finding out about what is taking place in this way, it might be hard for them to fully connect to what is going on. But if they have always lived in an area that is relatively safe, it could be said that this is to be expected. This can then be no different how one can watch a sci-fi film and then carry on with their life once it has finished. In this case, they are just watching a story, and while what is happening in the Middle East is not a story, it is still going to be radically different to what takes place in their everyday life. Another Example This is then similar to how one can find it hard to relate to someone who is experiencing abuse if they haven’t experienced it themselves. They could talk to them about what they are going through and try to empathise with them, but that could be as far as it will go. In that moment they might feel sad and even angry but, after a little while, they might have forgotten about. This could be because they are back with their partner or a friend who treats them well. Feedback If one was asked about the effect their country is having on this part of the world, they might have something positive to say. This could be a sign that one lives in England or America, for instance. One could believe that the people at the top are doing everything they can to make sure that what is taking place in Middle East comes to an end. Dealing with the people who are causing problems and protecting the people who are innocent is then going to be their government’s priority. One Factor If one was to take a step back and to reflect on why they have this outlook, it can be due to what they have heard from the mainstream media. This could be seen as a source that they can trust to tell them the truth. Or, if they don’t accept everything they hear, they might go along with everything they hear when it comes to what is taking place in the Middle East. But if they believe that this source exists to inform them, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Extremely Different In addition to this, one can think about how different their country is, and how they live in a country that is just and fair. Therefore, although certain countries in this part of the world are in a mess, their country is being run in the right way. Perhaps one has heard a number of people at the top talk about how bad it is over there and how they will do everything in their power to assist the people who are going through hell. Ultimately, one is going to believe that there is a big difference between the people who run their country and the people who are killing people in the Middle East. Two Extremes This is then same as how some people do what they can to protect the environment, while others who do what they can to destroy it. But even though it might seem as though this is something that is black and white, one may find that there is more to it than meets the eye if they were to look a little deeper. They might come to see that not only is their country bombing innocent people in the Middle East; they are also selling weapons to people who are arming terrorists. So while the people at the top come out and say all the right things and act as though they have the moral high ground, this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. Child Abuse This is then the same as how an abusive parent can come across as though they are the perfect parent when they are around others, but when they are behind the scenes, they can walk all over their child. The image that they present to the world is going to be the complete opposite of what they are really like. Yet, if someone only sees them when they are out in the world, there is going to be no reason for them to think otherwise. That is unless they take the time to focus on their Childs behaviour or take a closer look at how this person is coming across. Conclusion What this shows is that if someone can present themselves in the right way, there is no limit to the amount of people they can manipulate. And when someone is out of touch with their intuition, it is going to be a lot easier to deceive them. They will be out of touch with the information that is within them and so they will be more likely to believe what they are told. Another thing that can’t be overlooked is how the mainstream media is often only too happy to lie to the public; to betray the very people who they are supposed to be looking out for.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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