For a lot of people, social media is as much a part of their life as breathing is. When it is a big part of someone’s life, they can have a number of different accounts online.
Through having these accounts, it will be possible for them to stay in touch with their friends and family. Furthermore, they will be able to see what these people have been doing with their life. It’s All There Even if their friends and family are spread out over a few different accounts, it is still not going to take a lot of time and effort for them to stay up to date with what they have been doing. If they had to contact each person individually, this would take a lot longer and require far more effort. Also, some of these people might not even live in the same country as them, let alone the same area. This won’t matter, though, as one will still be able to speak to them and to see what they have been doing. A Boost Talking to their friends and family online can have a positive effect on how they feel, resulting in an increase in their wellbeing. Therefore, if they have moments when they feel as though they are cut-off from others, they will be able to do something about it. What can also improve their mood is sharing something that other people will ‘like’ and comment on. This could be a picture of themselves or it could be something that is not related to them in anyway. An Event Arranging a night out or a reunion, for instance, can also be a lot easier thanks to social media. One can invite whoever they want to invite, without needing to post individual invites to everyone. The other part of this is that it is also easy for another person to let them know if they can make it or if they are not interested. From these examples alone, it is clear to see that it can be highly beneficial to have just one account online. Neutral Nonetheless, to say that there is only one side to social media or that it has only had a positive effect on humanity wouldn’t be accurate. There are people that believe that it is good overall, while there are others that believe it has done more harm than good. Perhaps the best way to look at social media would be to say that how it is used defines whether it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. This is then no different to how a knife can be used to cut food or it can be used to cause harm. Another Side In the same way that someone can become addicted to alcohol, drugs, food or exercise – just about anything really - they can also become hooked on social media. Due to the chemicals that are triggered within them when they use it, they can end up developing a strong need to use it. This is not something that will happen by chance though, as the social media app that they become hooked on may have been designed to do this. The app that they use won’t have just been designed by engineers; brain experts will have also been involved. Distracted What can also play a part here is that one may find it hard to feel good, which can mean that they will be more susceptible to getting sucked in. So through finding it hard to feel good and even lacking self-control, one can be an easy target. Either way, if they do end up getting hooked, it is likely to have negative effect on other areas of their life. The time that they spend online could be spent connecting to real people and working on something that will enhance their life, for instance. Something Else If they spend a lot of time on their and share a lot, how their friends and family respond to what they share can define how they feel. After they have shared something, they could feel anxious and then this may change once the ‘likes’ and comments start to come in. Without this positive feedback from others, they may feel as though they don’t exist. One is going to be like a child who needs its caregivers to provide constant attention or else it will feel invisible. Two Parts If they don’t receive the type of feedback that they expect, they could end up hitting rock bottom. As they have given their power away, other people will be in control of their inner world. Still, if one is experiencing life in this way, it could show that they lacked a strong sense of self to begin within. If this had been in place, they wouldn’t have needed so much approval from others. Conclusion A very simple way of looking at social media would be to say that it can pull someone in and take them away from things that actually matter. When it is used at the right time and for the right amount of time it can be fine, but when this isn’t the case, it can lead to a number of different problems. One way for someone to get an idea of the effect that it is having on their life would be to think about if it is causing them to neglect any areas of their life. If it is, there is no need for them to shame or blame themselves; they can think about what they need to do instead and take action.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Mental Health: Is It Important For Someone To Be Curious If They Have Mental And Emotional Problems?16/6/2019
If someone had a problem with their car, they would probably take it to a garage to be fixed. There is then no need for them to take a deeper look into what is going on, as another person will do that for them.
However, if someone had mental and emotional problems, it is unlikely that another person would be able to fix them. Sure, they might able to take something, but this approach is unlikely to actually solve what they are going through. Another Outcome Then again, someone like this could find that there is not a lot of help available. This could show that one has gone to their doctor to see if they can do anything, only to find that what they needed wasn’t provided. If this is what has taken place, one could believe that there is nothing that they can do and end up suffering in silence. What they are going through is then going to be something that they simply have to put up with. The Current Situation After having this experience, one could come to the conclusion that more needs to be done by the government to assist people. One could find it strange that there is plenty of help for physical problems, but nowhere near the same kind of help for inner problems. It could be said that this comes down to the fact for so long, what is going on internally has been overlooked by society. Due to this, it is going to take a while for society to provide the solutions that its citizens need to handle inner problems. No Time to Wait Nonetheless, if someone is not in a good way, it is not going to be as if they can wait until something is done. They could be in such a bad way that if they don’t find help soon, they may not be around for much longer. In this case, the sooner the government provides the assistance that they need, the sooner their life will change. Clearly, this is not going to be a good position to be in – they could feel extremely helpless. Trapped It is then going to be as though there is only one way for them to get out of a building and this exit is blocked. However, what if they don’t need to rely on the government to provide them with the help that they need? What if there is another way for them to attain the help that they need to transform their life? What if the reason that they are unable to realise this is because they believe that there is only one way for them to get out of the building that they are stuck in? A Key Component If one is looking for the government or a person in particular to provide them with the answers, it could show that they are not very curious. One is then going to be passively waiting around for what they need to just appear. Yet, if they wanted to watch something, they could end up looking through dozens of films to find the right one to watch. There could be a number of reasons as to why they are not taking matters into their own hands and looking for answers. The Information is There Of course, there is the chance that one is in such a bad way that they can’t even function properly. With this aide, if they can think properly there is going to be all kinds of information available online. So as long as they have a computer or a Smartphone, a lot of information will be at their fingertips. This doesn’t mean that they will instantly find what they need, but as long as they keep going, it might only be a matter of time before they find something that can assist them. The Reasons One of the reasons why one wouldn’t take matters into their own hands, and look for what they need to assist them, can be due to the effect that the education system had on them. During this stage of their life, they may have lost touch with their curiosity and come to believe that authority figures know everything. As a result of this, they would have lost touch with the part of them that loves to learn and come to rely on other people to tell them what is true and what isn’t. This would have set them up to be intellectually stunted. Beliefs Instead of being able to act like an individual, they will be stuck in a dependent state; they will be like a child that is waiting for a parental figure to tell them what to do. If they are waiting for the government to assist them, this will most likely be the same government that provided them with an education that stopped them for being able to think properly. Along with this, they may have a number of beliefs that have stopped them from taking matters into their own hands. For example, they could believe that there is nothing that they can do or that there life will always be the way it is. Awareness The beliefs that are defining how they see life and themselves are not going to be the truth; they will just be things that their mind has created. Along with this, deep within their being is likely to be part of them that is very curious. Ultimately, if one is not in a good way, it is going to be vital for them to do everything that they can to find a way forward. By making a commitment to themselves that they will find a way and getting the ball rolling - the universe is also likely to do what it can to assist them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that someone’s younger years are a time when their caregivers are there to serve them and their adult years are a time when it is down to them to serve others. This could be seen as something that makes sense.
As a child, someone is in an undeveloped state and this is why they need to receive a lot in order to develop in the right way. Through receiving what they need, there will come a time when they are ready to give back. An Analogy One way to understand this would be to think about a seed and the process that it goes through to be able to produce vegetables. After it is planted, it will need water, sunlight and time to grow. As the weeks and months go by, the seed will grow and, before long, it will produce things that can be eaten. The seed and then the plant needed a lot at the beginning, but as time passed, it was able to give a lot back. Give And Take Clearly, one is still going to need to receive things as an adult, but they are not going to need as much as a child does. When it comes to their personal relationships, they will be able to receive things. They will also receive things when it comes to their career or vocation, but it will be different to when they were a child. When it comes to this area of their life, their focus will be on what they can do for others. A Break If they get to a point where they need to recharge their batteries, so to speak, it will be essential for them to step away. Doing this will not only benefit them, it will also benefit others. Ultimately, if one is not in a good place it will be hard for them to fully show up, and, if they can’t fully show up, they are not going to be able to truly serve others. This is why the only way that one can fully serve others is if they make sure that they don’t neglect their own needs. Self-Charge Now, if one is doing something that matches up with their values, they will probably find that what they do to serve others gives them a lot of energy. Even so, there are still going to be times when they need to take a break. By going on holiday, for instance, they could end up coming back recharged and with a completely different outlook. Going away may inspire them to serve in a totally different way, for instance. Another Outcome If someone’s younger years are a time when their needs are rarely, if ever, met, it is likely to be a challenge for them to serve others as an adult. As an adult one will look like an adult, but they are not going to feel like one. It can be as if there is a black hole within them that is never filled, no matter what they receive. Due to this, one can be more concerned about what they are going to get than what they are going to give. Entitlement Mentality But even though one can come across as though they simply deserve things, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of the fact they are acting like a child. They are then not going to realise that now that they are an adult, it is down to them to give something back. So instead of thinking about what they can give back to society, they can spend their time thinking about what society is going to do for them. These things could end up being perceived as their ‘human rights’. Another Scenario This is not to say that this is what will always happen if ones needs were rarely, if ever, met as a child. Alternatively, someone could spend just about every moment of their life being there for others, creating the impression that they are serving others. In reality, however, they could be focusing on others because they feel ashamed of their own needs and believe that they are not important. One is then going to be there for others, but they will be neglecting themselves in the process. An Illusion As a result of this, one could have the tendency to do things for others that they should be doing for themselves. Acting more like parent - they will be trying to rescue or fix other people. The fact is that as they were neglected during their early years, it is not possible for them to truly serve others. Still, compared with the person who is all about what they can get, they can be seen as being more evolved. It Doesn’t Disappear What this illustrates is that even if someone’s needs were not met during their early years, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to go to the next stage of their development. They will most likely end up being developmentally stunted as an adult. The time for them to get these needs met will have passed, yet the pain of not getting these needs met will have stayed within them. This pain will most likely need to be processed for them to be able to grow up. Awareness If one can see that they are consumed by their own needs or that they neglect themselves, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Repressed Emotions: Can Someone Experience A Lot Of Pain If Their Repressed Emotions Are Triggered?14/6/2019
Practically from the moment that someone is born, they can end pushing their emotions out of their awareness. After a little while, they can have very little, if any, connection with this part of their being.
However, even though they will have lost touch with a big part of who they are, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Even so, this is not to say that being this way won’t cause them problems. The Consequences Through being disconnected from their emotional self, it will probably be a challenge for them to develop deeper connections with others. They may also find it hard to know what their needs are. It is then not going to be a surprise if they often feel lost and as though their life has no meaning. They could look towards other people to tell them what to do and how to live their life. A Full Time Job Keeping the emotional pain that is within them at bay is also likely to take a lot of their energy. Still, this doesn’t mean that one is aware of the things that they do to stop this pain from entering their conscious mind. They could just do things without thinking about why they do them, but the things that they do do will enable them to keep their head above water, so to speak. The society that they live in could provide them with a whole host of things that will allow them to do this. Their Demeanour The average person might have absolutely no idea that they are emotionally disconnected, as they could come across as someone who is positive and full of life. The image that they project to the world is going to have very little to do with what they are really like on the inside. But, as long as nothing dramatic takes place in their life, it should be possible for them to continue to live on the surface of themselves and to deceive most others in the process. Nevertheless, if something takes place that does reconnect them to how they feel, they could end up being in an extremely low place. The Trigger This is something that could take place if a loved one or a family member has passed on, or it could occur if they experience a break up. Up until this point they could have been somewhat settled, but now they could feel as though they are all at sea. Quite frankly, the pain that they are in could be unbearable - like an active volcano, the emotional part of their being will have erupted. The trouble is that as they have been emotionally disconnected for most of their life, they might have absolutely no idea about what to do. A Precarious Position At one point they would have been high up in the clouds and now they will be right down in the dirt. Not only will they feel really low and even depressed, they could also feel suicidal. The ideal would be for them to tell the people in their life about what they are going through and to reach out for support. This may happen, but there is also the chance that it won’t. The Gatekeeper Although they are in a lot of pain and desperately need help, another part of them could stop them from taking this step. This part of them could cause them to feel very uncomfortable about opening up to others. What is likely to underpin this part of them is shame, with this being something that has permeated their whole being. What they are going though is then going to be painful, but opening up to others will be seen as something that would be even more painful. An Inaccurate View One is going to be a human being who has emotional problems, something that is often part of the human experience, and yet they will feel as though this is something that they have to hide because of the toxic shame that is within them. Consequently, it won’t matter if they are in a relationship or if they have a big family, as it will be as if they are isolated on an island. What this illustrates is that while a small amount of shame can allow one to function in society, too much of it can cause them all kinds of problems. If they do carry a lot of shame, it can be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life. The Message Perhaps, their early years were a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Disconnecting from their emotions and therefore, their body, would have been a way for them to survive. What they experienced would have caused them to believe that there was something inherently wrong with who they are. In reality, how they were treated had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their caregiver/s. Awareness Irrespective of whether ones early years were like this or not, if they are in a bad way, they must take the next step. If they reach out to someone who can’t help, they need to keep looking until they find someone who can. The right help is out there but it might take a while for them to attain the help that they need. It will be vital for them tap into the part of them that wants to live and to move forward, no matter how small this part is.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What you may find is that although it is relatively easy for you to be compassionate towards others, it is not as easy for you to be compassionate towards yourself. So if another person makes a mistake, you could offer words of support; but if you were to make a mistake, it could be a very different story.
Others can then see you as a compassionate person, yet you will be anything but compassionate to yourself. It is then going to be necessary for you to treat themselves with the same level of kindness that you often show others. Something to Consider The fact is that you deserve your love just as much as anyone else does. Regardless of what you have said or done in the past, it doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of receiving your own love. What may help here is for you to think about how the people who do receive your compassion will have most likely done ‘bad’ things in the past. These people are not going to be perfect. The Benefits If you have had moments when you have been compassionate towards yourself, you may know how beneficial this is. It may have allowed you to keep going after you made a mistake or to nurture yourself when you felt low. With this in mind, how much better will your life will be when this becomes the norm? Your mental and emotional health is likely to improve, and it should be easier for you to handle setbacks and to achieve your goals. Top Down One way for you to develop more self-compassion is to change what is going on in your mind. Think about how you would treat a small child that had just fallen over - would you criticise the child? Of course you wouldn’t, you would be very compassionate towards the child. The key is then going to be for you to display the same amount of love towards yourself when you notice that you are laying into yourself. A New Direction As soon as you notice that you are being unkind to yourself, you can tap into how you would feel if a child had fallen over. The energy that you would send to this child is going to be directed towards yourself. One way of looking at this would be to say that this loving energy will be coming from your inner mother. It can take a while until you automatically respond in this way, and this is why you will need to be persistent. Another Option Alternatively, you could think about someone who has been compassionate towards you in the past. Think about how this person would talk to you if you had made a mistake or did something wrong. Once you have thought of someone and tuned into how they would respond to you, you will have another way to experience self compassion. And, over time, this supportive voice can just become part of who you are. Button Up If these two approaches don’t have much of an effect and you find that you are still very hard on yourself, you may need to look at what is taking place in your body. You may be carrying a fair amount of emotional pain there. Once you start to face the emotional wounds that are within you and to heal them, what is going on up top should change. Also, doing this work will allow you to develop a better connection with your heart – the part of you that is full of love. Final Thoughts The main thing is that you keep going until being kind to yourself is the rule as opposed to the exception. Your inner world can change as long as you keep going and don’t give up on yourself. When it comes to healing your inner wounds, you may need to reach for the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Can Someone's Need To Save Others Have A Negative Effect On Their Relationships?13/6/2019
If someone was to hear that their friend is going through a tough time, they could give them a call or go to see them. No matter what they do, this could still be a time when they will listen to what they have to say and offer their support.
Conversely, if they are in a relationship and their partner is going through a challenging time, they could also respond in a similar manner. In both cases, one is not going to try to take charge or to take responsibility for what another person is going through. Boundaries Consequently, it could be said that they will have a clear idea of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. This will be what stops them from trying to walk over another person and acting as though they are responsible for them. Thanks to this, the other person won’t feel as though they are being violated in any way. This can then allow them to feel as though one respects them and sees them as being capable of handling their own challenges. In Balance What this can also do is stop one from creating relationships where they are more like a parent than a friend/partner. Furthermore, this will stop from being in a position where they are constantly giving, only to receive very little in return. There will then be moments when they give and there will be moments when they receive. And as they are not a parent and have their own needs to fulfil, this will stop them from running on empty. The Right Setting One will then be able to open about what is taking place for them without needing to worry about if their friend/partner will try to rescue them, and the people in their life will also be able to open up without them having to worry about if one will try to rescue them. There will be no need for any of them to play a role and to hide who they are. Said another way, one, along with the people in their life, will be able to show up. This will allow one to feel connected to these people and for these people to feel connected to them. A Different Scenario If someone else was to hear about what a friend is going through, they could take radically different approach. Once they speak to them on the prone or see them in person, they could soon tell them what they need to do. Regardless of what they are going through, it can be as if they are not up to the task of sorting themselves out. One is then not going to believe that they are doing anything wrong; they will simply be helping them out. Another Context If they are in a relationship, and their partner is going through a tough time, the same thing could take place. Simply being there for their partner and allowing them to deal with something is not going to be an option. In each relationship that they have been in, they may have behaved in the same way. In fact, one may have been this way for as long as they can remember, which could mean that one is not even aware of what they are doing and the effect that it is having. No Boundaries So irrespective of whether it comes to how they behave around a friend or their partner - that’s if they have one - it can be normal for another person to feel violated by them. There is the chance that one doesn’t know where they begin and end, or where other people begin and end. This is then why they feel responsible for what other people go through and basically walk over them. One can believe that if they don’t resolve what another person is going through, they won’t be able to overcome what they are going through. Out of Balance One is then going to be like parental figure, while the people in their life will be like incapable children. This doesn’t mean that one will consciously see other people in this way, but if they were to take a step back, it might become clear. Another consequence of behaving in this way is that one will give a lot, yet they are unlikely to receive much in return. They could play the role of someone who is strong and doesn’t need anything – a role that will most likely prevent them from being able to experience true intimacy. Self-Neglect And through spending so much time trying to fix others, they can spend very little time taking care of their own needs. On the surface they can come across as someone who is always happy to help, but underneath this image can be a lot of anger and resentment. However, the only way that they will change how they feel is if they no longer behave in this manner. For one thing, they are going to need to stop acting like a parent and as though it is up to them to solve everyone else’s problems, and to let go of the role they play and to get in touch with their true-self. What’s going on? If they were to let go of this role, what they may find is that they are carrying a lot of shame. Trying to fix or rescue others is then going to be a way for them to try to avoid themselves. With this in mind, focusing on what is going on ‘out there’ won’t change what is taking place within them. For their behaviour to change and for them to reveal who they are, they will need to heal the wounds that are within them. Awareness The reason why they are carrying so much shame and don’t feel comfortable with their own needs can be due to what took place during their early years. The years will have passed but the pain that they experienced will still be inside them. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Manifestation: Can Someone's Early Years Define What Their Resonance/Vibration Is Like As An Adult?12/6/2019
According to the law of attraction, positive thoughts attract positive things and negative thoughts attract negative things. There are those that believe this and there are those that believe that this is load of rubbish.
This doesn’t mean that there are only two type of people, though, as there are people who believe that there is more to it than this. What these people can believe is that it is not just someone’s thoughts that affect their life, it is also their feelings. Just a Small Part Someone’s thoughts are then going to be important, but they won’t be as important as their feelings. Ultimately, their feelings will be what have the biggest effect on how they experience life. One way of looking at this would be to say that their thoughts are like the words on a page and their feelings are like the voice that reads these words out loud. The second part is what brings them to life. The ideal With this in mind, it is going to be vital for one to have thoughts and feelings that are positive. If someone has a positive inner world, their outer world should mirror back what is taking place within them. On the inside they will be tuned into a certain frequency, which will allow them to experience things externally that match up with this inner frequency. This will be no different to how if one has the frequency that is needed for a certain radio station; they will pick up that station. One Experience There are likely to be plenty of people out there who can relate to this, with them being only too aware of how powerful their thoughts and feelings are. Someone like this may be able to think of all kinds of things that they have ‘manifested’. A lot of what they have desired may have just seemed to have found them, without them needing to put in too much effort or to struggle. They may find that it is not a struggle for them to experience positive feelings, either. Another Experience Someone else may find that it is a challenge for them to experience positive feelings and, even though they do experience them, their life isn’t the way that they want it to be. As a result of this, they could come to the conclusion that they don’t have an effect on their life. One is then going to be nothing more than an observer of their reality. The reason why it can appear as though they are merely an observer of their reality could be because of what is taking place at a deeper level. A Common Lie When it comes to what is taking place at a deeper level, this will partly relate to the emotional pain that is in their body. The trouble is that one may have come to believe that their thoughts create their feelings. Thanks to this, it can mean that they are not even aware of the fact that they could be carrying emotional pain. The emotional pain that is in their body will most likely have a big effect on what they do or don’t experience. In Denial If they are carrying emotional pain in their body, it is highly unlikely that positive thinking will cause this pain to simply disappear. What it will probably do is just cause them to disconnect from how they truly feel. One can then force themselves to have positive feelings by using positive thinking, but underneath all this positivity will be a lot of negativity. Yet, even though they will be out of touch with how they truly feel, it doesn’t mean that these feelings won’t be having an impact on their life. A Powerful Force Nonetheless, if one is unaware of what is taking place in their body, it can seem as though things just happen to them. A quote by Carl Jung comes to mind here, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” One way to view their body would be to say that it is also their unconscious mind; the area of ones being that carries the things that they don’t want to face. When it comes to the pain that is in their body, this can be the result of what they have experienced during their adult years and what took place when they were younger. The Foundations Let’s say that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected - this would have meant that their vibration/resonance was set at a very low place. They may have been used to feeling powerless, worthless, helpless and hopeless. The years would then have passed but they will still be in place very low place energetically. It is then not going to be much of a surprise that it is more or less impossible for them to create a fulfilling life as an adult. Brought Up To Fail or To Succeed? Taking this into account, if someone was given the right care as a child, and thus, experienced positive feelings throughout this time in their life, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they generally find it relatively easy to manifest what they desire. They will have the right energy within them. Someone like this won’t be at a really low place and have the need to get to a much higher place. They will also believe that they deserve to have their needs met and they will trust that they will be met. Awareness If one can see that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain, and they want to deal with this pain, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What someone may find is that it is hard for them to take action, with this being something that they need to work on. At the same time, they may find that they are able to take action when it comes to certain areas, yet struggle in others.
Either way, it will be vital for them to do what they can to change this. They could be only too aware of the fact that their life, or part of it, won’t change unless they develop their ‘action muscle’. Now Is the Time If they were to look into what they can do to get into the habit of taking action and therefore, to achieve their goals, they may hear that now is the best time to do something. So as soon as they get an idea, it will be down to them to follow through with it. This will stop their mind from getting in the way and keeping them where they are. If they were to allow this to happen, their mind would probably come up with all kinds of reasons as to why they shouldn’t do something. An Identity Additionally, they may hear that if they do need to think about something first, what they shouldn’t do is to spend too much time thinking about it. If they do, this part of them could stop them from doing anything. Once they start to take action more or less straight away and no longer spend so much time deliberating, they may find that it becomes easier. Taking action will then no longer be something that they do; it will just be part of who they are. Another Challenge Nonetheless, while there are people that find it hard to take action, there are others that find it hard to do the opposite. For them, taking action won’t be an issue; what will be an issue is doing nothing. Someone like this is going to know how to behave like a human doing, yet what they won’t know is how to be a human being. Due to this, they could have more in common with a machine than their fellow human beings that actually act like human beings. On A Treadmill From the moment that they wake up until the moment that they go to bed, it could be normal for them to be doing something. In a way, it will be as if they have been on charge all night - like an appliance - and now that it is the day, they will be able to go all day without rest. The main difference here is that even though they behave in this way, it doesn’t mean that they won’t get tired. Still, this is not going to be enough for them to change their behaviour as they are likely to keep going regardless. Artificial Relaxation One may find that the only time they are able to relax is when they go on holiday or even this might not be possible. They may come to see that they need to drink or take something in order to settle down. Living in this way is going to take a lot out of them but that doesn’t mean that the average person will realise that something is not right. One could typically be seen as someone who is living life in the right way. An Example The reason for this is that if someone has the need to be doing something almost all of the time, they could be successful in the material sense. One could then have a well paid job, along with a nice house and an expensive car. Furthermore, someone who works, and works hard, is often seen as living in the right way – at least in the western world. Thus, if someone is always doing something and appears to be ‘grabbing life by the horns’, they are likely to receive a fair amount of positive feedback. A Deeper Look However, just because this kind of behaviour is often seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that it is a healthy way to life. The fact is that one is not a machine; they are a human being. How can one truly recharge and actually take life in if they always need to be on the go? Why do they feel the need to always be doing something? Why would happen if they were to allow themselves to just be? Running Away Now, one could say that they need to keep going or they won’t be able to complete something/get paid, for instance. This could be true, but why have they created a life where they need to live in this way? What they may find, that’s if they were to just do nothing, is that they start to feel very uncomfortable. This will then be a time when they come into contact with the pain in their body that they have been trying to avoid. A Build-Up One feeling that could come on strong is shame, with this being a feeling that causes them to feel really bad about themselves. This can show that doing things is a way for them to stop themselves from feeling really low and to feel as though they have worth. To say that this is just a feeling might not be accurate, as a sense of being flawed could be something that has permeated their whole being. One is then not merely going to feel worthless, they will be worthless. Awareness This is what toxic shame does - it strips one of their inherent worth, thereby giving them the need to continually prove to themselves, and others, that they have worth. But, no matter what they achieve out there, it won’t change how they feel on the inside. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For a number of years now, I have been doing inner child work, and the term ‘inner child’ may have been something I first heard when I read one of John Bradshaw’s books. I think that his books are terrific.
Anyway, when I first started doing this work I would get in touch with the parts of myself that related to when I was a small boy and, as time has passed, I have got in touch with even younger parts of myself. During these times I have felt like a baby. More than One I say ‘parts’ in both cases as I haven’t got in touch with the same part each time I have done this work on myself. This is why I don’t believe that there is just one inner child or one inner baby within me, or anyone else for that matter. It is usually out of my control as to whether I connect to a child part or a baby part within me. What usually happens is that a wound ends up being triggered within me and when I connect to this wound, it will either be a child part or a baby part. Another Angle When I think about these parts, I often see them as being split-off parts. What this means is that whenever I experienced trauma as a child or a baby, a part of me ended up being pushed aside. But while this stopped my system from being so overwhelmed that I was wiped out, it meant that it wasn’t possible for me to operate as whole human being. I ended up becoming more fractured as time went by. Two Memories One thing I have remembered is being separated from my mother when I was born and being left shortly after. Connecting to the pain I experienced during these moments was not easy, but it was good to cry it out. I have found that there are many layers of pain within me, though, so I haven’t been able to process it all in one go. However, by doing this work on myself, I have been able to let go off a lot of pain and to become more integrated in the process. Over to You After hearing this, you may think that inner child or inner baby work sounds like a load of rubbish. Then again, you may have been doing this type of work for a number of years already. Conversely, you may sense that you are carrying a number of split-off parts within you, and that these parts need your attention. Getting in touch with these parts is one part; another part is being able to hold the space so that they can speak out. Final Thoughts If you find that you are unable to connect to these parts without being overwhelmed, you will probably need to reach out for external support. A therapist or a healer, for instance, can hold the space so that you can go where you wouldn’t go by yourself. With their presence, you can start to work through the pain that is within you and to gradually become a more integrated human being. After a while, your presence should grow, giving you the ability to hold the space for yourself.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
On one side, there are people that are happy to receive but have trouble when it comes to giving, and, on the other side, there are people who are happy to give but have trouble when it comes to receiving. Nonetheless, although both of these types of people are going to experience difficulties, it doesn’t mean that this is something that is widely known.
The reason for this is that even if someone does have trouble receiving, this might not stand out. Instead, they can merely be seen as someone who is a ‘giver’ and who cares deeply about other people. From The Outside Someone like this is then going to be ‘selfless’, while someone who rarely gives is going to be ‘selfish’; one of them is then ‘good’ but the other is ‘bad’. It would be easy to go along with this outlook, yet there is clearly a lot more to it. Still, what can make it hard to see that there is more to this is that if someone has the tendency to give, they can come across as happy and full of life. The mask what they wear around others is then going to belie what is taking place within them. The Ideal In order for someone to live a fulfilling life, they will need to be able to give and to be able to receive. Without being able to do this, they are almost certainly going to end up running on empty. The truth is that their needs are just as important as anyone else’s needs. And, through having the ability to receive, they will have the energy that they need to truly be there for other people. Even Better With this in mind, the best way for one to serve others will be for them to make sure that they don’t neglect themselves. If they do, they will only be able to offer a watered down version of themselves. There are likely to be people who will pick up on this, realising that one is not taking care of their own needs. There could be times when this is pointed out and times when it doesn’t leave anther persons mind. One Big Challenge So, if someone has trouble receiving, they may have found that this has caused them a number of problems over the years. They could find that they have given so much to others and received very little in return. Their relationships could then be out of balance and they may have found it hard to support themselves financially. Lots of energy will go out towards others but very little energy will come back to them. The Offer is There At the same time, this doesn’t mean that no one has ever offered them anything, though. When this has happened, however, they may find that they have had the inclination to say no or that it was hard for them to embrace what had been given to them. Based on this, one will be able to see that it is not that they are a victim who has no control over whether they receive anything or not. For whatever reason, not receiving anything is likely to be what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Inner Conflict This shows that something isn’t right as receiving is something that should feel comfortable. One way for them to gain a deeper understanding of why they are experience life in this way would be for them to imagine that someone has given them something. By doing this, they may end up feeling guilty and as though they dont deserve to receive what they have been given. Being a giver is then going to stop them from having to experience these feelings. Another Experience What may also happen is that their body could tighten up, with receiving being perceived as something that would compromise their very survival. Said another way, they won’t feel safe enough to receive. If one can only relate to one of these experiences, it can still be hard for them to comprehend why they respond in this way. There is a reason why they experience life in his way, and it is probably due to what took place during their early years. Way Back At this stage of their life, their needs may have been seen as a burden, causing them to gradually disconnect from them. They may have been more like a caregiver than a child, having to fulfil their caregiver/s needs. Also, this could have been a time when they are physically abused, which would have overwhelmed their system. Shutting down would have made it hard for them to receive and to take in life, but it would have stopped them from experiencing so much pain. Opening Up What happened to them all those years ago will be in the past but their body will still be carrying the emotional pain that they experienced all those years ago. The emotional pain that they have experienced throughout their adult life can also be on top of this emotional pain. The emotional pain within them will be weighting them down, and this will need to be released for them to become more receptive. Furthermore, healing this pain will allow them to embrace their feminine aspect – the part of them that is to do with receiving. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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