There are some people on this planet who always have enough and then there are others who never have enough. And it doesn’t matter what state the economy is in either; as there will still be the haves and have not’s.
When one thinks about people to have what they want, they may start to think about people who are famous, royalty, sports stars or even bankers for instance. The reason images such as these can come to mind is largely the result of how one has been influenced by the media.
It is not uncommon for them to focus on how certain people have it all and how their readers, the common folk, have very little. This is naturally going to create division and some people could flee like victims and believe that life is unfair.
After seeing this divide, it can cause people to develop a sense of entitlement; that’s if they haven’t developed it already. Based on their outlook, other people have things that they will never be able to attain.
The government or another source could then be looked upon to create balance or equality. However, if other people are put on a pedestal and one sees them as different, it could make it even harder for them to experience life differently.
Their identity is then based around them not getting their needs and wants met. And if one has internalised what the media has presented, they could end up believing that this is how life is. This outlook could be further enforced by the people they surround themselves with.
Like often attracts like and so the people one spends their time with are likely to have a similar outlook. Each person’s reality will then end up being validated and although each person’s beliefs will end up being supported, they are unlikely to be any happier.
While one can spend their time with people who reflect their outlook in regards to getting their needs and wants met and allow the media to infiltrate their mind, they still have their own reality. If everyone had the same reality there wouldn’t such a big divide when it comes to people who have their needs met, and people who don’t have them met.
This is not to say that this is therefore black and white; as it will be a matter of degree. Some people could be in a position where their wants and needs are generally met and other people could find that they have the met but that it doesn’t happen on a consistent basis.
And then there will be others whose experience on this planet is tantamount to living in a desert. There never seems to be enough and it might not matter what this relates to. Ones needs and wants are then not met in most cases and this is what they have become accustomed to.
Not having enough could relate to just about everyone area of ones life. One might find that they never have enough money or that their relational needs are never met. Going without and seeing other people get what they want could be all too familiar.
So when one experiences life in this, way they could believe that they’re different to people who have enough and that, other people have something they don’t have. Other people could be seen as being luckier or more fortunate than they are or they could be seen as being more intelligent.
But while the mind can come up with these conclusions as well as many others, they’re not necessarily the truth. They might allow one’s mind to settle down and give them a reason why it is not possible for them to have their needs and wants met, but it won’t change anything.
A Deeper Look
Through not having their needs and wants met for so long, they are not going to expect to have them met. There is the chance that these expectations were formed in ones adult years, however, they could go back even further.
It could be that one had a childhood where their needs and wants were rarely, if ever, met. And as one wouldn’t have had the ability to question what was taking place at this age, it would have become the truth.
This means that it didn’t just reflect their caregiver/s inability to meet their needs, it was how life is. At this time, one may have believed that their needs were not being met because they were unworthy. And these experiences would have caused one to experience a lot of pain.
The attention they did receive could have caused them to feel: smothered, trapped, compromised and/or violated. So although they had needs that needed to be met at this age, it might not have felt safe and there might not have been any one around on most occasions.
So this then sets one up to form associations that are unhealthy and disempowering. If one only feels safe when they are not getting their needs met, it is inevitable that they are going to suffer.
Time Goes By
Time will then pass and one will physically grow, but their level of emotional growth can end up staying the same. One can then end up being cut off from their feelings and then their mind will create all kinds of stories as to why there is never enough.
The answers are not in one’s mind though; they are in one’s body. Until one feels that it is safe for them to receive, they will continue to manifest the same reality.
There is the chance that the emotional experiences of one’s past are still trapped in their body. And all the time they are there, one is going to have feel the same, perceive life in the same way and behave in the same way.
These emotional experiences can be processed with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Through this, one will begin to open up to life and feel that it is safe to receive.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper
Human beings have an inherent need to feel safe and when they don’t feel safe, they can end up building walls around themselves. But while one might feel safe though having them, what they won’t be able to do is to embrace life.
On the other hand, if one has boundaries they will be able to embrace life. Here, walls won’t be needed and one will still be able to protect themselves and therefore, it will be possible for them to feel safe. From this, it is clear to see that boundaries are the best option and that walls should be avoided.
However, even though walls are not the ideal and will harm ones life, it doesn’t mean that one is able to let go of them. Based on their outlook, this could be the only option that one has.
And if one hasn’t built walls around them, then they could find themselves in a position where they end up doings things that they don’t really won’t to do. Now, there are going to be times in everyone’s life where they have to do things that they don’t want to do.
But that is not what is being spoken about here. What this relates to is not being able to stand ones ground; to say no or to disagree with someone else. So although one hasn’t built walls round themselves, they are not going to be any better off.
Back And Forth
This doesn’t mean that some people build walls around themselves and other people just end up being walked over. As one could alternate between the two depending on how they feel or who they are with for instance.
If one was to go by appearances alone, they would see that these options are different but they both have the same thing in common. So through behaving in these ways, one feels safe.
This could be normal for them and just how life is. And when one acts in these ways, it could be something that just happens without them needing to even think about it. Intellectually, one might wonder what is taking place and why they act as they do.
Or one might have an idea as to why they act as they do but have no idea how they are going to make the changes that they need to make. But whether one is aware of why they act like they do or not, it is clear that one is in conflict with themselves.
Part of them wants to stand their ground and to express who they truly are and another part of them only feels safe when they are being walked over or when they isolate themselves. So, their body wants one thing and their mind wants something else.
And while conflict can be used to enhance one’s life and to push them forward, in this case, it is going to cause problems. At one point in time, one is likely to have had an experience or a number of experiences where it wasn’t safe for them to have boundaries.
And based on what happened, one will have formed certain associations around boundaries. Time may have passed and one may no longer be aware of what happened, but their life is still being defined by what happened.
One thing that can stop one from saying no or from standing their ground is the fear of being abandoned. As an adult, if one is left by another person they are not likely to die but while one might realise this intellectually, at an emotional level, they could feel as though they wouldn’t survive.
This fear could arise in ones relationships with their: family, friends, colleagues or their partner for instance. How this fear affects one’s life can all depend on how strong it is. If it is really strong, it could cause one to put up with people who are controlling or abusive.
The need to speak ones truth is there and yet; the fear of what might happen stops them. This could also mean that one ends up in relationships that are out of balance and where they always try to please the other person.
As An Adult
So as an adult won’t die, in most cases, if they are left by another person, it can be hard for one to comprehend why they feel as they do. However, the reason one associates being left with death is likely to be the result of what happened during their childhood years.
During the first few years of a child’s life, they haven’t got the ability to regulate their emotions; this ability hasn’t been developed yet. So if one is left during this time, it can be overwhelming and feel like the end of the world.
For someone who has trouble with boundaries, this could have been a time where they experienced neglect or conditional love. And this then set them up to become a people pleaser. This would have been a way for them to avoid being left by others.
Time has then passed but their emotional experiences of the past have remained trapped in their body. One then feels the same, sees life in the same way and therefore behaves in the same way.
The feelings in one’s body will need to be faced and then released. And this can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper
When it comes to talking to people that one’s knows and gets on with, there is not going to be any thought as to whether one will be accepted by them. And this is because at a deeper level they know that the other person accepts them.
So unless there is so kind of tension or something significant that has taken place, one is going to feel at ease with the other person. And as they feel at ease, it is then going to have an impact on how they feel and behave around the other person.
The other person’s behaviour is also going to be influenced by how one behaves; this is because human beings are interdependent. And while it can seem as though one has no control when it comes to how other people treat them, this is nothing more than an illusion.
However, when one meets someone for the first time, it is not as clear as to whether they will be accepted. One hasn’t had the chance to find out if they will be accepted or if it is possible to build a connection with the other person.
And while one is not going to be accepted by everyone they meet, they are also not going to be rejected by everyone they meet. Human beings are different and it is not possible for one to be accepted by everyone they meet.
This doesn’t mean that they are ‘bad’ people or that it is not possible for one to be accepted; it is just part of life. Just as when one doesn’t accept another person, it doesn’t make them bad and this is because it is not possible for them to accept everyone.
So even though one won’t be accepted by everyone they meet, this doesn’t mean that one is therefore a passive observer in the whole process. How one behaves when they speak to someone for the first time will have a big impact on whether they are accepted or not.
If someone has acted the same way and has ended up with the same results for most of their life, it might be a challenge for them to understand this. They might believe that what has happened it their life and what continues to happen is a reflection of who they are.
And when one has experienced something over and over again, it is to be expected that it will be taken to heart. This is why it is so important to be able to detach from ones experiences and to see the part that one is playing in what is taking place.
This will allow one to see that it is not personal; it is simply a reflection of what they believe and the behaviour that these beliefs create. For if one is not aware of their behaviour, what happens in their life is going to seem random and out of their control.
And if one was to think that their expectations are having no affect on whether they are accepted or rejected by others, they would be wrong. The expectations that one has are going to define not only ones behaviour, they are also going to play a part in how one filters the other person’s behaviour.
So one is going to have existing expectations and this will shape their behaviour in the beginning of the interaction. But as they interpret the other person’s behaviour and this will happen consciously and unconsciously, their behaviour will also be shaped by what they see.
A Closer Look
If one believes that other people generally accept them, this is going to come through when they meet someone for the first time. Their beliefs are going to shape how they feel, their body language and facial expressions, and the words they use and how they interpret the other person’s behaviour.
One could believe that other people are friendly, open, warm and approachable. And through having these beliefs, one’s body language is going to be open, their facial expressions are going to be welcoming and they are likely to interpret the others persons behaviour in a positive way.
The people they meet are likely to mirror this behaviour and this validates the beliefs they have about other people. It is then a positive cycle and their beliefs are affirmed each time they are accepted by others. And due to these beliefs, if one isn’t accepted it might just be put down to the other person having a day or seen as one off.
The Opposite Outlook
When one expects other people to reject them, it is going to be because they have different beliefs. Here, one could believe that other people are cold, don’t want to talk to them or that one is not interesting, amongst other things.
Their body language and facial expressions are going to be completely different to the person who expects to be accepted. And one could interpret another person’s behaviour in a way that is negative and disempowering; causing them to see things that are not there.
A Negative Cycle
This could mean that one doesn’t talk to people very often but when they do, the experiences that they have could validate their beliefs about what other people are like. It is then negative cycle and one that could define their life.
And if one is accepted, they might view themselves as being lucky and believe that what happened was out of their control. To have this outlook is not going to enable one to realise that this doesn’t have to be an irregular occurrence and that it can become part of their life.
So each person is going to be emitting a different energetic resonance. One will need to become aware of what their expectations are and then to challenge them. There is also the chance that one has had experiences in the past that were painful and these caused them to create the expectations that are now limiting their life.
In this case, the emotional experiences of the past may have stayed trapped in their body and therefore needs to be faced and released. As this happens, one will begin to feel different and their behaviour will then change. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper
When someone has a house or owns a piece of land, they’re going to know how important it is to have a fence or some kind of sign to mark where their property begins and where it ends. So not only will this let other people know where they shouldn’t go without permission, there will also be a greater chance of ones property being protected.
While some people will still go where they are not supposed to go, there are going to be a lot of people who won’t. And this shows how important it is to let people know where they can go and where they can’t go.
This Is Obvious
This is something that is well known by most people in today’s world. In fact, when one lives in a house or owns a piece of land, they may find that it has always been protected.
So in the majority of cases, this is something that will already be taken care of and one won’t need to even think about it. But while there is plenty of awareness in today’s world around protecting ones property or land, the same cant always be sound when it comes to protecting oneself.
As a human being, one is going to need to protect themselves and this is not because everyone out there has an agenda to cause harm. Of course, some people out there are looking to cause harm, but this is not always the case.
It is because there are going to be differences in what people feel comfortable with. So if one does feel compromised or violated by another human being, it could relate to a situation where another person was abusive and yet, it could also relate to situation where they had no idea that what they were doing was having a negative effect.
The Outside Observer
When it relates to an abusive situation, an outside observe is likely to see that abuse is taking place. But when it relates to a situation where the other person has no idea that what they are doing is wrong, it could look completely harmless.
What this shows is how important it will be for one to affirm their boundaries. If one simply expects other people to know, without letting them know, they are going to end up creating unnecessary problems in their life.
One could just complain and feel like a victim when they allow other people to walk over them. And if this has become pattern in one’s life because it has gone on for so long, one might believe there is nothing they can do about it.
But even though it may appear to just happen and be out of their control, it is something they have control over. They will need to stand their ground and to be assertive. People can’t read minds and unless one speaks up, it won’t matter if they are out to cause harm or not; as they are not going to know that their behaviour is causing one to feel compromised.
And in order for one to know what they feel comfortable with and what they don’t, they will need to be in touch with how they feel. What feels comfortable in one moment might not feel uncomfortable in the next, so one will need to have a strong emotional connection.
Through having a strong connection to ones emotions, one will be able to be guided by them and this will then shape their behaviour. This doesn’t mean that one’s emotions take over and one becomes aggressive or violent when they feel compromised.
What it means is that one is aware of how they feel and uses this information to influence their actions in a conscious manner. One is holding their emotional experience; neither repressing nor reacting to how they feel.
However, when one is out of touch with how they feel, it is then going to be a challenge for them to have boundaries. When something happens one could be unaware of how they feel, but once something has happened, they could soon be aware of how they feel.
At this stage, the feelings they are aware of are probably going to be different. And one might not only be angry at someone else, they could also be angry at themselves. Being emotionally aware is one part of having boundaries; the other part is that one will need to feel that it is safe for them to have them.
If one is out of touch with how they feel, they are going to end up going along with other people and doing what they think will please them. And at the same time, one could be emotionally aware and still end up pleasing other people. This shows how important it is to feel safe.
When one is in touch with how they feel, they are going to be aware of what is going inside their body. And yet, when one is out of touch with how they feel and their focus is on pleasing others, they are unlikely to be aware of what is going on in their body. Their point of focus could be in their head and on how other people are responding.
Pleasing other people and compromising oneself is clearly not the way to live. But although one might want to stand up for themselves, they might feel as though they have no control over their behaviour and wonder why they act as they do.
Or one might be aware of the fact they feel uncomfortable or fearful when it comes to standing their ground. And the reason one doesn’t stand up for themselves is likely be the result of their minds associations around boundaries.
There is the chance that one had an experience or a number of experiences where it wasn’t safe for them to have boundaries. This could have been during their adult years or what happened during their childhood.
Here, one may have been abandoned or experienced some kind of abuse if they were to speak up and affirm their boundaries. So although time has passed, how one felt all those years ago has stayed in their body and therefore causes them to behave in the same way.
So it will be important for one to process what took place and as this happens, one will no longer perceive life in the same way and their behaviour will change. And as they no longer feel the same, the people they attract into their life are going to reflect their inner changes.
This process can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver J R Cooper
One doesn’t need to look very far to become aware of what is taking place in the world and this is because of how connected the world has become through technology. For instance, one only needs to turn a TV or a computer on or to look at their phone. Here, one will have the chance to consume as much news about the world and/or their local community as they can handle.
Now, some people will believe just about everything they expose themselves to and then there will be others who question just about everything they hear. And as it is often unclear as to why the media focuses on what they do, this is a sensible approach to take.
When it comes to how someone views reality, the media plays a pivotal role. Therefore, it is clearly a good idea to question what one hears in the media and also from the people around them.
Because while the media does have a big impact on how someone views reality, so do the people that they surround themselves with. And out of the need to be accepted and to fit in, ones can end up internalising the views of the people around them.
It might not matter if these views are accurate and reflect what is taking place in the world and in their immediate environment; as ones focus could be placed on their survival needs. Their higher needs, such as their need to think critically, are then overlooked and one can then end up being caught up in ‘groupthink’.
This doesn’t mean that one should walk around feeling paranoid all the time and be in a constant state of vigilance. However, one has the ability to think and therefore it is vital that they use this ability to lower their chances of being manipulated by the media and other sources.
And secondly, to question what the people around them believe and to come to their own conclusions about what they hear. Through thinking critically and having intellectual boundaries, one will have greater control over what enters their mind.
The mind has been described as a garden and therefore what one puts in their mind will grow. Based on this outlook, it becomes clear as to why one needs to be discerning when it comes to what they accept as ‘the truth’.
Even though news can be good, bad or even neutral, the news that gets the most exposure is usually ‘bad’ news. This is what gets most people’s attention and pulls them into what is being sold by the media or by the people around them.
One reason why bad news has a bigger impact than good news could be due to how important it would have been for our ancestors to be aware of the danger around them. As time has passed there may be fewer threats, but they’re still there.
For example, if one doesn’t pay attention to something positive they are unlikely to be harmed and yet, if they don’t pay attention to something negative, they could lose their life. Clearly this is not black and white and one doesn’t need to be constantly focused on danger. In this day and age, if one is constantly focused on danger it could be a sign that they are carrying some kind of trauma or that they are in a dangerous environment.
Point Of Focus
So as human beings have been conditioned to focus on what is bad or negative, what is good and positive can end up being overlooked. And the mind also has a tendency to see life as being either black or white.
One can then end up following the media and hearing about what is wrong about the world and due to how the mind works, they can then end up believing that there is nothing right about the world.
What causes one to form these beliefs can depend on what the media covers and therefore, what this causes the people around them to talk about. But the general topics are going to relate to what some humans are doing to the earth, each other and to animals.
And if one was to only consume news that covers these topics and goes along with their minds tendency to see everything as being black or white, then it is to be expected that they will form an unhealthy view of reality. They are also training their mind to focus on what is wrong with the world. So the evidence that proves otherwise will end up being filtered out.
After being overloaded with all this external negativity that one has allowed themselves to consume and having a mind that has been infiltrated by it, one could come to the conclusion that humanity has failed.
However, this conclusion is nothing more than an effect of what they have focused on or what their environment is like. And after placing their attention on certain things, one has found that there is a disparity between what they are seeing and how they believe life should be.
What one needs to ask themselves is: has this world ever been perfect? This is not to dismiss what is wrong with the world, but let’s not overlook what is right in the world. One doesn’t have to have a degree in history to know that there have always been problems on this planet.
This planet is made up all of types of people and from most of the evidence provided, it probably always has been. And amongst all that is wrong in the world, there continues to be examples of what is right. For example, the internet is a relatively new invention and this has made a massive difference.
This has enabled people to connect from all over the world, created more opportunities and information can now be shared freely and to people who wouldn’t have had access to it before.
So as one will only see what they have been programmed to see and as the mind works in polarities, it becomes clear how important it is for one to not only limit their exposure to all that is negative, but to observe their mind.
Ultimately, it is up to one to chose whether they are going to be an example of what is right in the world or an example of what is wrong in the world. One will then be another example to others of how the world is going in the right direction or how it is going in the wrong direction.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper
When one has the desire to be in a relationship with someone, they are going to have certain expectations. And the same can be said when one is already in a relationship. Now, there is the chance that one is completely aware of what these are and at the same time, there is the chance that they are only slightly aware of what they are.
So there are going to be different needs and wants that other people are expected to fulfil, and ones awareness of what these needs and wants are, is going to vary. Some people will be in touch with what they look towards another person to fulfil and then there will be other people who are more or less clueless as to what they expect to be fulfilled by another.
The Fist Option
On one side then, there are going to be people who have a list in their mind or on paper of what they are looking for in another person. And because they have an idea of what they are looking for, there is the chance that they will find it.
This list could be made up on needs or non-negotiables and therefore, things that they can’t do without. And as well as these, one could have certain things they want but are not as important.
When one operates from this level of awareness it doesn’t mean they will always have their needs fulfilled, but what it does mean is they are less likely to be caught up in any illusions. As a result of being aware, one will also be able to reflect on what another person can truly give them and what they can’t.
For example, one has adult needs and wants and then they can have needs and wants that they still carry from their childhood years. And there is a difference between the wants and needs of an adult and those of a child.
The Second Option
Here, one is not necessarily going to have a clear idea in regards to what they want and need and so, they could just be drawn to more or less anyone that comes along. It won’t matter how compatible they are or how healthy they, as all that matters is they are available.
In this instance, it is clear that one is not at peace with themselves. They are in a place of desperation and they could feel as though there is a hole within them that needs to be filled.
What this means then, is that one will get their needs and wants filled but it doesn’t mean that this will lead to healthy and functional relationship. Just as one could be hungry and end up consuming all kinds of junk. Here one is getting their need for food met, but it is clearly not the right kind of food.
And in this example, one is unlikely to be aware of what is taking place within them. One is then not in control of their own needs and wants, their own needs and wants are controlling them. Here, one is likely to be in a position where their unmet childhood needs are largely defining their relational behaviour.
The Third Option
In this option, one is going to be aware of certain needs and wants that they have. So there will be needs and wants that they are aware of and there are going to be other needs and wants that are driving their behaviour that they are not aware of.
This could mean that one’s relationships are generally healthy and fulfilling, and that they are not under too many illusions as to what another person can give them. However, while one may be aware of certain needs and wants there is still the chance that their relationships are unfulfilling and dysfunctional.
So their expectations are then not being met and one ends up feeling frustrated, or one could find that their expectations are met but they still feel as though something is missing. This could then cause one to wonder if they will ever meet the right person or why other people seem to be doing fine, amongst other things.
Unmet Childhood Needs
If people only had adult needs in their adult years their relationships would probably be a lot healthier. That’s unless one had a childhood that was perfect and every need and want they ever had was met by their caregivers. But the reality is that not all of one’s needs would have been met during their childhood years.
Ones caregivers were only human, so it is not possible for them to have met them all of the time. So it is to be expected that there will be moments when one had to go without. For some people, their needs and wants would have been practically ignored.
However, even though these experiences are in the past, it doesn’t mean that these unmet needs and wants are no longer having an effect on one’s life. The pain of not getting these met could still be in one’s body and because of this, one can end up looking towards other adults to give them what they didn’t get during their childhood.
And these unmet childhood needs are going to merge with ones adult needs. In fact, one could feel possessed by them; with the people they attract and are attracted to being defined by what they didn’t get as a child. If one is aware of what this part of them is looking for, they will have the chance to process this pain and to express their needs in a conscious manner for instance. This will then stop them from creating the same unhealthy scenarios over and over again.
When one is not aware of this part, they could end up attracting people who are not compatible or who remind them of these early experiences. They could meet someone with the expectation that these unmet needs will be fulfilled and then they soon realise that this is not going to happen. And this is partly because they are looking for things that other adults can’t provide.
A child needs to be loved unconditionally, to have its needs and wants met on a consistent basis and to be accepted for who they are. These are just some examples and when these are not met, it is going to create problems.
Ideally one would become aware of these and then seek the assistance of a therapist of healer to enable them to grieve these unmet needs. This doesn’t always happen and this can then cause one to expect another person to love the unconditionally, to meet their needs on a consistent basis and to accept every part of them.
It is not possible for another person to do this, and as one will expect more than other person can realistically provide, they are going to prolong their childhood pain. So if one wants to put an end to the story they keep creating, they will need to grieve these unmet childhood needs. And through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one will also receive the positive regard that they didn’t get all those years ago.
Oliver J R Cooper
There are many problems in today’s world and one problem is the much talked about entitlement mentality. And this is a mentality that is seen amongst people of all ages and backgrounds.
Two people who have this mentality could be observed and what they believe they are entitled to may vary. And this is because the entitlement mentality exists on a spectrum and therefore different people are going to believe that they are entitled to different things.
But what this mentality comes down to is the fact that one will believe that they deserve to have what they want or what other people are having. And because they want it, they believe they should have it and it won’t matter if they have earned it or not.
In their eyes, the fact they exist means that the world should give them exactly what they want and whenever they want it. And although this mentality is dysfunctional, it is often seen as normal and this is because it has become part of the fabric of society.
There is an understanding of how destructive this outlook is and at the same time, there are certain sectors of society that support it. For if this support wasn’t there, this outlook wouldn’t be as common as it is.
And due to how widespread this outlook has become, it is clear to see that it is a social problem. It doesn’t just relate to a few people in or to a certain part of society, it is much bigger than that. It is an outlook that has infiltrated just about every part of society; with western countries or countries that have been influenced by the west, having the biggest problem.
When someone has to work for something they are likely to appreciate it more than if it was given to them. And through working for something, one will learn how important it is to work hard, to be patient and to delay gratification.
One will also realise that they won’t always get what they want and that it won’t always be possible for them to have what they want straight away, but if they put the work in that is necessary, they may well attain what they want. And this is going to allow them to develop personal power.
However, if one is given something without having to work for it, they won’t have the same level of appreciation. They are also not going to learn how important it is to be patient or to delay gratification.
Ultimately, they are going to be kept in an infantile state and expect things to just appear in their life without them having to expend any kind of effort. It is also not going to be possible for one to develop their personal power.
Through having an entitlement mentality one will be able to receive certain things without having to do anything. But even though they might get some things without having to work or without giving anything n return, they are unlikely to get everything they want.
And when someone feels entitled to something and then doesn’t get it, they could feel compromised, violated and that they have been victimised. It won’t matter that their sense of entitlement is nothing more than a delusion; as based on their outlook, they are only asking for what they deserve.
So, if one was to imagine how someone would feel if they were to work for something and then not receive it, they might get an understanding of how someone feels who doesn’t get what they feel they are entitled to. When one has worked for it and doesn’t get what they deserve, they are entitled to feel enraged.
But if one hasn’t worked for something and they end up feeling enraged when they don’t get what they want, they are experiencing feelings that they are not entitled to feel. If one was to say to someone who has worked hard that they don’t deserve to have what they worked for, they would disagree. And yet, if one was to say the same thing to someone who hasn’t worked for what they want, they might also disagree.
During the first months of one’s life, they will have felt as though they were not physically separate from others. Their sense of empowerment and control came through seeing the people around them as extensions of themselves.
And during this time, one wouldn’t have had the ability to delay gratification; so if they wanted something, they would have wanted it straight away. To wait for something would have been incredibly painful. This would have related to the need to be fed and held for instance.
At this age, just about everything they wanted would have been provided by their caregivers and it wouldn’t have taken long for them to provide it. And as one was completely dependent, they would have been entitled to have what they needed from their caregivers.
If one received the right nurturing from their caregiver/s they would have started to realise that they are physically separate from others. Through this, one would have internalised the sense of empowerment and control that they experienced through being attached to the people around them.
They would then see that they don’t have complete power or control and sometimes they will experience no control or power. And while their caregiver’s would have provided everything they needed and whenever they needed it in most cases, they would realise that this is not always how it works in the real world. One will then come to see that they won’t always get what they want straight away and that at times, they will have to go without.
As they can’t always have what they want straight away, they will realise how important it is to delay gratification and to handle frustration. And although one was entitled to what they needed as a child, as an adult, they will realise that they are no longer entitled to have what they want.
The Real World
The above is just rough a guide of what will happen if one is given the right nurturing and is therefore able to grow out of their entitlement mentality. However, while the above is the ideal, it is not something that always takes place.
And then due to a lack of nurturing, one will physically grow up but their level of emotional development won’t really change. So if one feels like a child, and hasn’t emotional separated from their caregivers and realised their sense of personal power, then it is not much of a surprise that they still believe they are entitled to have whatever they want.
Their perception of themselves and others hasn’t changed since they were a child, and so they are still going to expect the same treatment from others. If they received the nurturing that they needed growing up, then they might have grown out of this mentality.
The entitlement mentality is then something that can appear in people who didn’t receive what they need to receive while they were growing. And as this mentality is supported in today’s world and there is very little, if any, focus on ones emotional development, it is unlikely to end any time soon.
If one is in a position where they feel as though they are emotionally stuck, then it might be necessary for them to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver J R Cooper
Although some people like to view themselves as being independent and that other people have no affect on who they are, this is nothing more than an illusion. Human beings are interdependent and this means that one’s self image is influenced by other people.
One might not be aware of this fact or they may try do deny it, but that doesn’t change anything. When one thinks about other people influencing who they are, they might come to the conclusion that this is a bad thing and it can be.
But at the same time, it can also be a good thing and something that enhances their life. It will all depend on how one is being influenced by others. For example, if one finds that another person is having a negative effect on their life, then it is going to be important for them to keep their distance.
Just as if one meets someone who has a positive effect on their life, the desire is going to arise to spend more time around them. In these situations, one will need to be in touch with how they feel so that they know what the best option is for them to take.
So one could meet someone they have known for a while and they don’t even need to think about how they are going to behave; as they just act a certain way. This could reflect how they usually behave or it could just reflect how they behave around the person they are with.
Through acting in this way, one might feel connected to who they are. As a result of this, one is not going to have any kind of resistance to how they are behaving.
They are who they want to be and being around the other person allows them to be acknowledged and validated. The other person will then be a positive influence on their life and someone who allows them to be themselves.
While a seed might have the potential to become a tree or a flower, it is still reliant on water and it will need the right sunlight for instance. Without these elements it won’t grow; it will just decay.
And as human beings are interdependent, they are the same, so unless one is around the right people, people who will shine the light on their potential or what is good about them, then it won’t be possible for these parts to see the light of day.
They might simply remain as hidden potentials and instead of one realising what is good about them, they might end up being caught up on what is not good about them or what they have been ‘told’ is not good. One is then a seed that has never experienced the suns warmth and has only experienced the freezing temperatures of the night.
Now, when one is around someone who brings out the best in them it is not going to be a problem. One will not feel the need to act in a certain way or to be someone they are not. They are being affirmed for who they are and this is going to be liberating.
However, when one is around someone and they feel the need to behave in ways that don’t validate who they are, it is going to be disempowering. One is not going to be able to be themselves; they are going to have to put on an act.
Part Of Life
It is not always going to be possible for one to be themselves around everyone, but if they feel the need to be someone they are not around the people they are closest to, then it is going to be problem.
So if one finds that they act in certain ways around others and therefore see themselves in a certain way, it is going to be important for them to realise that this is not something that just happens. On one side there is what is taking place within them and on the other side is how the other person treats them.
One might be aware of how another person’s behaviour is affecting how they see themselves or they might not but even if they are not aware, they are still having an effect. And if one has always been around the same people, they might just feel limited or stuck and not know why.
However, if they were to spend some time away from someone or a certain group of people, they might start to experience life in a different way. And in a way that allows them to feel more empowered and capable for example.
If one wants to know what another person expects of them, they will need to pay attention to their behaviour and to how they talk to them. It is said that if one is told something for long enough, they will start to believe it and then it will become who they are.
So if one is treated as though they are capable, important, intelligent and kind for instance, then there is a chance that this is how they will see themselves as time passes. And if one is treated as if they are incapable or worthless, then this can end up becoming their identity.
This is also means that one will have to be aware of the expectations that they have of others, as if they are limiting, they could be stopping the people around them from growing.
One reason why someone would have such limited expectations of others is due to what they haven’t faced within themselves. When one doesn’t face their own limits and pushes them out of their awareness, they will start to see them in other people.
They then end up pointing the finger at others instead of facing what is in conflict within them. And if one puts up with the expectations of others that hold them back, it might reflect how they were treated during their childhood years. As what happened during these years is incredibly powerful when it comes to shaping the self image one has as an adult.
Being treated in these ways could be what feels familiar at a deeper level. It will be important for one to pay attention to how they feel around the people in their life and to decide how they want to see themselves.
Not everyone is going to validate how one sees themselves, but as long as one knows who they are it doesn’t matter. And as one comes to value themselves, they will begin to attract people who can support them for who they are and who will allow them to just be.
The assistance of a therapist, healer or some kind of coach might be needed here. It will all depend on what ones challenges are.
Oliver J R Cooper
While what is taking place externally is relatively easy to notice, the same can’t always be said when it comes to what is taking place internally. Here, one might not be aware of what is going on within them and yet, their actions are still going to be defined by what is taking place there.
If one is aware of what is taking place within them they will be able to see how their inner world is driving their behaviour. But if they are only partly aware or even oblivious to what is taking place, then the reasons as to why they behave as they do is likely to be a mystery.
The ideal is for one to be able to observer of what is taking place within them. From here, they will be aware of what is taking place within them and they will have at least three choices.
The first choice will be whether they should let what is going on within them directly determine their behaviour, secondly, if it should be used as feedback and thirdly, if one should just be with what is taking place - neither denying nor acting upon what is happening.
More Than A Robot
One is then not a robot or a zombie that has no control over what they do or do not do. Instead, they have a choice and will be able to reflect on what the best choice is for them at any given moment.
And at the same time, this doesn’t mean that one loses their ability to be spontaneous either. At times it will be important for one to act instantly and this is because they won’t have time to think or it won’t be necessary. This could be a situation that relates to life or death or just when a certain opportunity appears in their life.
The Right Choice
Having this ability it doesn’t mean that one will also make the right choice, but what it will give them is the chance to make the right choice. If they were in a position where they have no control over their behaviour, then their life is unlikely to go in the direction that they want it to go.
And if one had complete control and didn’t allow themselves to be spontaneous from time to time, then they are still likely to miss out on what could take their life in the right direction.
When one is in control of their behaviour they will have self control. And in order to have self control, one will need to be emotionally aware. If they are not aware of their emotions, then there is not much chance of them experiencing any kind of self control and their behaviour will then be out of their control.
If one doesn’t have emotional control. It could feel as though their emotions are working against them and that their emotions are therefore a problem. Behaving in ways that are destructive, dysfunctional and take one away from where they want to go could then be something that one has become accustomed to.
Being emotionally aware is one thing, but if one can’t regulate their emotion it won’t matter how aware they are. This is why having the ability to regulate ones emotions is vital component of experiencing self control. Here, one doesn’t deny how they feel and neither do they act on how they feel; they are able to just be with their emotions.
But even though this is an important ability, it is often the exception as opposed to the rule in today’s world. If this ability is not developed during ones childhood, it might not be developed; that is unless one seeks the assistance of a therapist or some kind of healer in later life for instance.
The Missing Ability
And without this ability, one is going to have to find other ways to deal with their emotions. What they are likely to be familiar with is having no emotional control. They could be described as being impulsive, having an addictive personality or being violent.
This is also going to have an impact on their ability to stick to things in life. So, delaying gratification and handling frustration could also be a challenge.
Perhaps they start something and before long, they feel the urge to do something else. And while this could be the right thing for them to do, if they have a pattern of putting things off or being distracted, then it is going to be a challenge for them to progress in life and to achieve anything.
So then, if one can’t regulate their emotions and therefore has difficultly experiencing self control, what can they do? Firstly, this could be a sign that one has an emotional build up that needs to be dealt with. And secondly, one is going to need to develop their ability to regulate their emotions.
If one has not had the ability to regulate their emotions, then pushing them out of their awareness is going to be normal. And this could have been something one has done since their childhood. These emotions will then need to be faced and released.
Through this, one will start to develop their ability to regulate their emotions and they will begin to feel more settled within. This is not to say that this will happen overnight; it will take patience and perseverance.
If one doesn’t have an emotional build up and just wants to develop their ability to regulate their emotions, then this can happen through forming a healthier relationship with them. Here, one can learn to embrace how they feel and this will allow them to gradually become more comfortable with their emotions.
When it comes to dealing with ones emotional build up or feeling comfortable with their emotions, the help of a healer or a therapist might be necessary.
Oliver J R Cooper
Whether someone is in a relationship with another person or not, they are still going to experience pain. This could relate to certain disagreements that one has with the person they are in a relationship with on one side and on the other, it could include different kinds of abuse for instance.
And for the person that is not in a relationship, their pain could relate to the experience of feeling lonely, unlovable and that it is not possible for them to find a companion. Ultimately, these are examples of where one is in a position where their needs and wants are not being met.
At times, this could be because the other person is not compatible or because they are abusive. And at other times, these are not going to be met because one is single and therefore has no one around to meet them.
But even if one is not in an intimate relationship, they are likely to have other kinds of relationships. This could be with friends, family or colleagues for example.
Ones needs and wants are not going to be the same in these types of relationships as they would be in an intimate relationship, but there will be certain needs and wants that are the same. Within these other types of relationships, one could still end up being compromised, abused and/or come to the conclusion that they are not compatible.
When something doesn’t work it is normal to look for answers as to why it doesn’t work and then to seek a solution. And through finding a solution, it might soon be possible for one to fix what wasn’t working.
If they can’t find a way to fix what wasn’t working, then it might mean that they have to let go of what wasn’t working and to find another option. Alternatively, one could just leave something as it is and do nothing about it.
Now, if one was to take the first approach in their relationships, they would soon find that they will improve or they will just let go of a relationship that is not working and attract someone who is more compatible.
This is not to say that this process will be free from pain; what it does mean is that one will grow and their relationships are inevitably going to develop. The same experiences won’t get played out over and over again, and neither would one stay in a relationship that wasn’t working.
If one was to stay in a relationship that wasn’t working and not do anything about it then it is not going to improve. In fact, it could get a lot worse and this is going to cause even more pain.
One could just leave a relationship that is not working and they might end up in one that is better for them. But then again, they could end up in a relationship that is just as bad, if not worse. One may then avoid pain for a short time and then before long, they are back experiencing it once more.
Two Types Of Pain
There are then two types of pain that one can experience. The first is the type of pain that one experiences through being in relationships that are unhealthy or through trying to avoid the people or the situations that are causing them to experience pain. This type of pain can go on forever and won’t just disappear.
On the other side of this is the pain that one will experience when they face their relationships challenges head on. Here, one doesn’t just focus on what is taking place externally; they will also place their attention on what is taking place internally.
The first type of pain is going to create stress and ones relationships are not necessarily going to improve as a result of experiencing it. However, when one faces the pain that they are experiencing on the inside their relationships will gradually start to improve.
Pain is often seen as something that should be avoided and in some cases it should be. If one was to put their hand on something hot it is going to be best for them to move their hand away. In this situation, one is avoiding pain and it is in their best interests.
When it comes to emotional pain the same need can be there to avoid it. And while one can believe that it is possible for them to avoid this pain, all the time this pain remains within them it is going to affect their life.
So one might be aware of this inner pain or they may have become disconnected from it, but it won’t matter if they are aware of it or not; as it will still influence their life. This pain can cause one to re-experience the same relationship patterns and to experience conflict.
For example, one might find that they are attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable, abusive or who are unable to love then, amongst other things. The people who they meet may look different, but one ends up feeling the same.
Where Does It Come From?
The pain that one experiences within them can be from their adult years and due to what happened during their childhood. Time is often regarded as a great healer and yet, just because one is no longer a child it doesn’t mean that their childhood pain has just healed by itself.
Whether it relates to ones adult pain or the pain they experienced as a child, it will need to be faced and processed. This might not sound very appealing and if there was no benefit to facing ones pain, then there wouldn’t be any point in doing it.
When one faces their pain their relationship will begin to improve and if they don’t, then one will let go of what doesn’t serve them and attract people who reflect the changes that are being made within them.
Part of facing ones emotional pain can involve grief work and working through ones unmet childhood needs. The assistance of a therapist or a healer might be needed here.
Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.