There are certain emotions that are often described as being negative and others that are often described as being positive. And in today’s world of positive thinking and of always needing to be happy, embracing the other side of one’s emotional spectrum is generally frowned upon. Based on this outlook, one is not to get in touch with all of their emotions, they are just to embrace the feelings and thoughts that make them feel good or that are classed as ‘acceptable’. And the feelings and thoughts that don’t make them feel good or are not ‘acceptable’ are then distractions and therefore need to be avoided. This means that the so called negative feelings and thoughts are then not seen as offering guidance or insight; they are just problems that need to be removed and not understood. Positive Feelings Now, it is clear that feeling good or having ‘positive thoughts’ is pleasurable. And if someone had the choice between feeling good or feeling bad, it is fairly obvious as to what they would go for. When the sun is shining for instance, one’s life can seem better and they can feel more inspired. To feel as though the sun is shining on the inside can also make one feel as though everything in one’s life is going to plan. Negative Feelings On the other hand, when one has negative feelings and thoughts, it is going to be painful. And as it is human nature to avoid pain, one could feel the need to do everything they can to change what is taking place within them. If one followed the common theme in the self development world of being happy all the time, then they are going to feel justified in doing just about anything they can to feel better. It could be seen as the right thing to do and one could believe that ‘life is too short to be unhappy’. Growth To stay stuck in ones pain and to allow it to completely take over is not going to allow one to grow. And at the same time, doing all one can to avoid this pain is not exactly the answer either. Even though feeling good is better than feeling bad, it is only through feeling bad that one can truly appreciate feeling good; without the so called ‘negative’ side of life, feeling good would no longer have the same impact. Tension When everything in one’s life is straight forward and one doesn’t have to think too much, they are not experiencing any kind of tension. So this means there is no need for any kind of growth to occur. One is not being challenged and because of this, they are not going to expand in any way. So while it would be easy to go along with the outlook that all negativity is to be avoided and positivity is to be embraced, this would be a big mistake. Pain What this means is that pain is not ones enemy, it is their ally; that is if one embraces it and doesn’t push it out of their awareness or run away from it. Feeling good might create the illusion that one’s pain is no longer there but it is likely to return in other ways. Ones relationships for instance will let them know exactly what is going on for them underneath their self induced positive feelings and thoughts. This could be emotional pain that one needs to face and process. Anger One emotion that is often labelled as being bad is anger and on the surface this can sound like an appropriate description. Anger can trigger associations in one’s mind to do with: violence, destruction and behaviour that is out of control. This would be an example of someone who has allowed anger to control them and they have then lost all self control. In this case, it doesn’t take much thought to see that their anger is negative. The Other Side Because of these examples, it would be easy to say that anger is bad and therefore needs to be avoided. One could then end up repressing their anger and become passive. As a result of this, they may end up in a position where nothing bothers them and they no longer stand their ground. This is then going to allow other people to walk all over them and it won’t matter if they see something that is not right; as one won’t allow themselves to get angry and to then speak up about what is wrong. Feedback Anger is there to let one know when they have been compromised or violated in some way and based on this feedback, one will be aware of what they need to do. This doesn’t mean that one explodes or hits someone every time they feel angry; as it will be important for one to hold their emotional experience. What this means is that one doesn’t repress how they feel and neither do they let it consumes them. One listens to what is happening within them and allows this insight to influence their behaviour in a conscious manner. Success In order for one to move towards their goals and to achieve the kind of success that they want to achieve, it will be important for them to have drive. And if they have become disconnected from their anger and are therefore out of touch with what is not right in their life, they are not going to have the drive to do anything about it. Here, one could end up being apathetic and this is not going to allow them to change or to grow. So it will be important for one to get in touch with their anger and to allow themselves to become aware of what is not right in their life. And while this can relate to being walked over, it can also include those areas of one’s life where they are not going after what they want to achieve. Through getting in touch with their anger, it will allow them to move towards what they do what and what is right for them. Awareness If one is out of touch with their anger it might take a while for them to get back in touch with it. They could also have certain beliefs that stop them from being able to embrace it. And one could have a build up of anger and feel that if they were to get in touch with it they might end up exploding. So it might be important for one to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. One will then be able to form a healthy relationship with their anger and to allow it to assist their life as opposed to seeing their anger as a problem. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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While some people will be familiar with their dreams, other people won’t be. When some people wake up it is going to be easy for them to remember what took place in most cases and they could keep their dreams alive by writing about what happened. And for others, they might remember what took place for a short while afterwards and for others, their memory will be completely blank. So during those times when one soon forgets what happened, they are not going to be able to gain any kind of insight from what took place. The same could be said for the person who doesn’t remember anything when they wake up. However, their outlook could be that they simply don’t dream and therefore they are not missing out on anything. Does Everyone Dream? One outlook would be that when someone says they don’t dream it is simply because they are out of touch with their dreams. That part of them is unwilling to embrace what is going on for them and that forgetting them is a way to avoid their inner world. And this avoidance can take place consciously and unconsciously. Alternatively, it has also been said that when one is at peace within they won’t dream. So based on this, there is another reason why someone wouldn’t remember their dreams. But if one is not experiencing inner peace and they still have no recollection of what their dreams were, then there is likely to be some kind of block. Unpleasant Dreams When one has a good meal, they might tell other people about it and yet, when one has a bad meal; it is highly likely that they will tell other people about it. Bad news generally travels faster than good news. And the same thing applies to ones dreams; if one has a good dream it might soon vanish from their memory once they wake up, but if one was to have a nightmare for instance, the dream could stay with them for a lot longer Waking Up Good dreams are not as likely to disturb ones sleep as bad dreams are. Having good dreams is going to allow one to sleep and to wake up feeling good and even refreshed. They could feel inspired and ready to ‘take on the world’, so to speak. However, when one has bad dreams there is the chance that their night’s sleep will be interrupted. And when they wake up, and that’s if they actually get any sleep, they could feel exhausted and anxious. Why Do We Dream? There are a number of views as to why human beings dream and they are all worthy of consideration. One view is that are dreams are full of messages and that they are there to offer guidance. In this case, one is not to look at their dreams in a literal manner but as symbolic representations. Another outlook is that dreams are the result of everything one has not dealt with in their waking life. So what one doesn’t deal with when they are awake ends up being acted out symbolically when they are asleep. And although this can create pain, it is simply there to inform one as to what they need to look at. This could be ‘stuff’ what one is fairly conscious of and what they have completely pushed out of their awareness. The Story Maker The mind is the story maker and just like how in ones waking life it creates all kinds of meaning, it does the same thing when one is asleep. And the mind can create all kinds of stories when one is asleep and it is easy to get caught up in them. Here, one can end up seeing them as literal and miss out on their symbolic meaning. This can then cause one to place their attention on what happened in their dream and to think about what this all means at an intellectual level. And if one has experienced a nightmare, then this could cause them to come to all kinds of conclusions. Example One could be in a relationship and have a dream where their partner cheats or leaves them. And while this could reflect what might soon happen, it could simply match up with how they feel. They might be aware of these feelings when they are awake or they may have done their best to ignore them. Here, one could be carrying feelings to do with being abandoned and rejected. Feelings Dreams need fuel and at times this can be ones feelings. What these feelings do is give the mind what it needs to create meaning in their waking life and dreams when they are asleep. Just because ones thinking can create how they feel, it doesn’t mean that this is always what happens. At times, ones feelings can define what goes on inside their head. These feelings don’t just appear out of nowhere though; they can be there because they are trapped in one’s body. So instead of having dreams and focusing on what took place, another approach would be to focus on how one felt. Awareness These emotions that are trapped in one’s body could have been there since one was a child and have accumulated throughout their adult life. Once these feelings are released, one may find that they no longer have the same dreams. And this is because the body will be at peace and this will allow their mind to settle down. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one can gradually release them from their body. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ While ones behaviour is not who they are, it is ultimately what defines them in the eyes of others. For people are not judged by what is going on inside their heads, they are judged by what they do. For example, when one wants to find out what another person is like they observe their behaviour. If they were to simply listen to the words that come out of the other person’s mouth, they might end up being taken advantage of and expect things that will never be delivered. The Same So, someone’s behaviour can be changed but in a lot of cases, their behaviour is likely to stay the same. And if their behaviour is allowing them to live the life that they want to lead and to progress, this won’t be a problem. What will lead to problems is when ones behaviour is not allowing them to live the life they want to live or to make progress. Here, one could end up feeling stuck and if they are not aware of the impact their behaviour is having, they could believe the problem lies elsewhere. Inner And Outer One option would be for one to place their attention on how the external world is stopping them from having what they want. And as well as this, one can end up believing that there is something wrong with them and this means their attention is placed on their inner world. It is possible for one to identify with one of these ways when they are faced with challenges and they can switch between the two from time to time. To blame the external world and to feel like victim or to go inward and to feel incapable, is unlikely to lead to progress. Stuck At times, there are going to external blocks that will have an impact when it comes to one being able to move forward. But this is part of life and something that one has to embrace. They will appear along the way but just because they are part of life, it doesn’t mean that one has let them consume their life. When one has inner blocks, it will be important for them to observe what is taking place within them. If they identify with what is happening on the inside it could sabotage their progress. This doesn’t mean that one ignores their inner world and tries to run away from what it is trying to express. What it might mean is that one has something to acknowledge and process, and once this has taken place, this inner conflict is likely to disappear. Behaviour So if one is aware of the impact their behaviour is having on their life, they are going to see that they have a choice. Here, one will know how important their behaviour is when it comes to achieving what they want to achieve. This outlook will allow one to feel empowered and their behaviour is not going to be overlooked. They will understand the following saying: if you change your behaviour you will change your life. A Mystery When one is not aware of the affect their behaviour is having, they are naturally going to be in a different position to the person above. And whether they blame the external world or themselves or both, the result is going to be the same. What this person is going to be aware of are the outcomes that their behaviour creates. And yet, the behaviours that lead to these outcomes are likely to be mystery. Disconnected If this person was in touch with their behaviour they would see that it is having an effect. The problem is that they have become disconnected from their behaviour and it is then not possible for them to recognise its effects. Perhaps they have behaved in the same way for so long that they have just come to except that this is the way life is for then. Then could then be a form of learned helplessness. At one point in time their behaviour might not have had an effect and even though time has passed, their outlook hasn’t changed. Insanity Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. And regardless of whether one calls it insanity or something else, it is clear that if one does the same thing they are going to get the same result. Impersonal So while not getting what one wants is going to be frustrating to say the least, it is going to be a relief to know that it is not personal. This means that one is not being victimised and neither are they unlucky. What it comes down to is that their behaviour needs to change and as this happens, one will begin to move closer to what they want to achieve. This means that one is in the driver’s seat of their life and they no longer need to sit in the passenger’s seat. Through being aware of this, one no longer needs to stay stuck and to feel as though they can’t move forward in life. Awareness The next step will be for one to change their behaviour. To do this, one might need to read, enrol in some kind of course and/or to find a mentor or a coach. If one feels they have no control over their behaviour, then this could also be a sign that they have some emotional work to do. In this case, one might need to the assistance of a therapist or a healer. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ In today’s world, ones image has become incredibly important. And there are all kinds of options for one to choose from when it comes to enhancing their image or even completely transforming it. The style of clothes that one wears can be changed, as can the style and colour of their hair. From here, one can change their physical appearance through going to the gym or through having some kind of cosmetic or plastic surgery. And in recent years, teeth whitening has also come to the forefront. This is another way for people to improve their appearance and they can change the shade of their teeth. Here, one can make their teeth a few shades lighter, so that there is only subtle change, or they can end up with teeth that are extremely white. The Perfect Smile When one talks to another person they are going to reveal their teeth. So it is only natural that one would want to have teeth that are in good condition. Having white teeth will give off the impression that one is clean and that they look after themselves. One is likely to feel more confident when they smile and they will also look better when they do smile. Due to the amount of benefits that can be attained through having whiter teeth, it was always only a matter of time before teeth whitening took off. Making A Mark If something is not used and it is kept in its original packaging, its appearance is not going to change. That is unless it is food for instance; in which case, it will soon start to erode. But generally speaking, when something is not used it will be protected for quite some time. Teeth on the other hand are constantly used and are therefore going to be marked. Certain things can have more of an impact than others though, such as: cigarettes, coffee, tea and wine. Popular Choices So even though someone may know that these things are having a negative impact on their teeth, it doesn’t mean that one will simply remove them from their life. And if one can simply change the colour of their teeth without having to stop drinking coffee or tea for instance, then they might not bother. And as people often have high stress levels and low energy in today’s world, they need something to change how they feel. So due to these options being readily available, they are what people are generally going to be drawn to. Gums However, just because ones teeth look fine, it doesn’t mean their gums are in good shape. And at times they can ache and at other times they can bleed. One might have experienced bleeding gums recently and this could be the first time it has happened to them. For others, bleeding gums might be something they have experienced before; it could even be a way of life. They are then all too familiar with this experience and this will naturally cause them concern. Professional Advice In these instances, it is always best to seek medical advice and to see what a trained professional comes up with. From here, one can gain some insight into why their gums are bleeding and follow the recommended steps. They might recommend some kind of mouth wash that one should use for a certain period of time, or until the health of their gums change. One might be asked about what is going on for them at an emotional level, but then again, they might not. Emotional Awareness While one might not be aware of how they feel, what they will be aware of is the tension in their body or what they can’t stop themselves from doing. And when ones emotions are not faced and are instead pushed out of their awareness, they can cause one to experience physical pain and to engage in addictive behaviours, amongst other things. Anger for instance can be felt in ones hands and in their mouth. If this anger is not experienced it can cause one to feel a sensation in their hands and their gums could just end up feeling tense. The Build Up In the beginning, this anger might just cause ones gums to feel tense but as this energy builds, it can cause ones gums to bleed. And as anger builds it can become rage and this can have an even stronger effect. Anger is not good or bad, it is simply there to inform someone that something is not right. What it is likely to relate to is an experience or a number of experiences where one felt compromised or violated. These could present days experiences or go back to ones childhood years. Patterns If one was to take step back from their anger and reflect on when their gums bleed, they might notice a pattern. Here, one may notice that certain things take place just before their gums bleed. So this could be an external event or an inner event or both and then, ones gums start to bleed. It might take one a while to see a pattern though. Under The Anger Anger is just on the top and it can be easy for one to stay stuck there. Feeling angry can give one a sense of power and of being in control. To get in touch with the feelings underneath the anger can cause one to feel vulnerable and that they have no control. However, if one goes beyond their anger they might find the following feelings: grief, powerlessness, helplessness and fear. These feelings could relate to a time in ones life where they felt violated or compromised in some way; with their needs and wants being ignored and denied. Present Day Triggers And as the emotional pain from the past has remained trapped in one’s body, their present satiations are triggering this unhealed pain. This pain is also causing one to re-create situations that reflect how they feel at a deeper level. Awareness So it will be important for one to feel their anger and to go beyond it and to feel the feelings that are below the anger. This is a process that might require the assistance of a therapist or a healer. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ No matter what one has achieved or how old they are, they are going to times when they need another person’s guidance. And through another person’s guidance, one will learn about what they need to do in order to move forward in life or to undertake a certain task for instance. This can take place formally and informally. When it relates to formal guidance, it can include: school, college and university. And as one gets older, it is likely to be where they work and the kind of training that they receive. Informal guidance will include what one hears from their caregivers and extended family in the beginning of their life and as time passes, this will be from their friends, colleagues and intimate relationships. Two Ways So on one side will be the guidance that one receives from others in one shape or form and on the other side will be the guidance that one offers to others. This doesn’t mean that one needs to be a ‘teacher’, as they could share what they know in other ways. However, whether one shares what they know in ways that are formal or informal, it is going to be important for them to give and to receive. This will keep each part in balance and stop one part of them from overriding the other. Out Of Balance When one is out of balance, they can end up always giving advice to others regardless of whether they want it and be unable to accept the advice of others. And for someone who is unable to give advice, they could end up constantly receiving advice even when they don’t want it. This is not necessarily black and white though, as someone can switch between the two roles. It can all depend on who they are around and how they feel for instance. A Time And A Place Growth is part of life and when something is not growing it is dying; there is no other option. When one receives input from others and uses what they receive, they will grow in some way. This is when what they are receiving is beneficial to their life. But if this input from others is unwanted or destructive for instance, it will not assist someone. What it can end up doing is creating tension, cause the other person to disconnect from the person giving the advice and even create inner problems for the person on the receiving end. Inner Guidance In the outside world is the guidance from other people and in ones inner world, there is their inner guidance. And as this guidance comes from within, it means that it is not possible for anyone on the outside to give it. If one is not aware of this guidance, they will need to nurture it. And if they are aware of it, it will be important for them to listen to it. If they don’t nurture this guidance, then they will miss out on what their inner world is trying to tell them. And if they are aware of it but don’t listen to it, then they will be in the same position as someone who hasn’t developed their inner guidance. Disconnected When there is so much going on in the external world it is not possible for one to develop their inner guidance or to listen to the guidance that is calling out to them. The outer noise ends up drowning out the inner whispers. And part of this outer noise will be in the form of other people’s suggestions, advice and opinions as to what one should be doing or not doing in life. This could be offered with a smile or a frown, but the agenda is still going to be the same. Boundaries What they do or what they say is going to vary but what it comes down to, is the fact that they think they know what is best for another person. It is not possible for them to respect another person’s personal space and to understand that they don’t always know best. Uncertainty So whether its ones society that is constantly telling one what to do or their friend or partner for example, the same consequences can rise. Here, one will lose contact with their inner guidance and their needs and wants. And this is not something that will happen overnight, it will happen gradually. At one point one might have a good connection to what is taking place within them but after spending time with someone or being in a certain environment, they might have no idea about what they really want or need. Control This will mean that one will be easier to control and to influence. They may begin to doubt their own judgment and perceptions and then one will need other people to tell them what to do. In the beginning then, one might resist the advice of another and then over time, they might end up asking for it. Awareness If one has a pattern of attracting people who always tell them what do to, it will be important for them to engage in some kind of inner work and to develop their boundaries. And if it relates to one person, they might need to let the other person know that it is not acceptable. In some cases, they might need to keep their distance or to end the relationships completely. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed in order for one to develop their boundaries and to let go of what is causing them to attract people who lack boundaries. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ There are going to be times in one’s life where their external reality mirrors back to them exactly what they want to experience and then there are going to be times when this doesn’t happen. And these experiences can end up defining not only how one feels, but also what they believe about themselves and about life in general. So as what is taking place in the external world is so powerful, it is only natural that one would always want to have experiences that were life affirming. This way, one is going to experience reality in a way that supports who they are; instead of having experiences where they don’t feel supported or validated for instance. Reality However, it doesn’t take much reflection to realise that this is not how life works. Of course, it is wonderful to have experiences that are supportive and nourishing. But while this might sound like the ideal way to experience life, it would soon lose its appeal. For it is not when everything is perfect that one’s grows; it is when they are facing challenges and they are no longer comfortable. It is under such pressure that one is able to develop and to expand into a greater version of who they are. Ideal Experiences So then, when one is in an environment where other people validate who they are and give them the feedback they need in order to feel worthy, they are not going to be any problems. One will be able to feel good and they will believe that they are valuable. On one side then, there will be how one feels and then there will be the beliefs that one creates as a result of how they feel and due to what is taking place externally. And when one believes they are valuable, the more likely they are to be around others who validate this belief. Less Than Ideal There are going to be moments when one has experiences that challenge their value. And how one responds can depend on how strong their belief is in themselves, how challenging these moments are and how often they occur. If one believes they are valuable, they are naturally going to be more resilient than someone who doesn’t. When these moments are really challenging, they are going to be harder to handle than if they were not. And if these challenges happen on a regular basis, they are going to be hander to handle than if they were irregular. Dependent The challenges are going to arise when one is completely depend on the external world when it comes to how worthy they are. Here, ones value is going to constantly fluctuate as a result of the experiences that they have. One may be in a position where they always look towards other people and not even realise that there is another way. This could be something they do without even thinking about it; it is then unconscious and can therefore appear to be out of their control. Futile If it was possible for one to always have experiences where their value was recognised by others, it wouldn’t matter if one always looked towards other people to define their self worth. But as this is not possible, it will only create unnecessary suffering and stop one from being able to develop their self worth. What is deemed as valuable by one person won’t always be seen in the same way by another person and vice versa. And at times, people will be negative and do their best to destroy another person’s self worth. Transitory So at times ones external world will be affirming at and times it won’t and yet, these experiences are likely to be transitory. They don’t reflect ones true value and this is because it is inherent and is not something that can be taken away from them. What this emphasises is how important it is for one to own their own value and not to give it away to other people. When one lets other people define how valuable they are, they are giving their power away. Self Worth Once one realises their worth is not defined by their external circumstances, they will no longer need to get attached to what happens externally. But before one can realise this, they may need to have their value mirrored back to them. And this is because human beings are interdependent and therefore need to be recognised as valuable in the eyes of another in order to feel valuable. For some people, this takes place during their childhood and for others it is something that happens with the assistance of a mentor or healer later in life. Sense Of Self When one has not been affirmed in this way, they can end up having an undeveloped sense of self. And the part of them that wasn’t affirmed will continue to look towards other people to give them what they haven’t received. So once one has been affirmed, they will no longer be dependent on what happens externally. And this is because they will have developed their inner value and this will enable them to be more resilient. Awareness One can be affirmed by a coach, mentor, healer or some kind of body worker. What matters is that one no longer allows their experiences to define how worthy they are. Assistance is available, one only needs to take the first step and to find what works for them. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Human beings are often born with a certain ability or a number of abilities and these will vary from person to person. Other people may enable one to realise what they are good at or one may have to get in touch or ‘find’ what they are good at themselves. Once one realises what they are it will then be important for them to nurture whatever they find. What this means then, is that this is active process and not something that just happens. Just sitting back and being passive is therefore not going to allow one to fulfil their strengths. Wasted There are numerous examples of people who have had the ability to do something and yet, that is as far as it has gone for them. Their abilities have been wasted and it will always be a mystery to themselves and to others as to what they could have achieved. Fortunately, there are also plenty of examples of people who have embraced their abilities. And this could be the result of someone else in their life that was able to recognise what they couldn’t recognise in themselves or they may have simply taken their own initiative. Commitment But no matter whether other people were around or one had to start off by themselves, they would have to have been committed. This wouldn’t have been something that they did every now and then; it would have been something they did on a fairly consistent basis. And though this, they would have been able to develop their abilities. To the outsider it may look as though they were just born a certain way or they were lucky. But no matter what abilities they were born with, they had to play their part. Practice This shows how important practice is; as without it, one is not going to develop their abilities. It is not uncommon to hear that ‘practice makes perfect’. Here, one will go over something again and again until they have mastered it or have reached a certain level of competence. So if they haven’t mastered something or if they haven’t progressed, it’s because they haven’t practiced enough. And many people are going to support this outlook and this is because it sounds right. Ten Thousand Hours It has been said that is takes ten thousand hours to achieve mastery in any field. If one was to follow this rule they might end up making a note of how long they have practised something for. And then in their mind, they are probably going to expect to fulfil their desired outcome once these hours have passed. Now, for some people this amount of time it is going to reflect how long something will actually take to master and for other people, it won’t. There are exceptions to every rule and life is rarely black and white. More Than Practice There are going to be some people who don’t practice as much as others and yet, they could end up being just as good, if not better. And what this points to is the fact that there is more to mastery than practice alone. This can be because of how each person processes information and how their memory works. It can also be the result of how each person practises. Doing The Wrong Thing On one side, one could practice something over and over again and they could be doing the right thing. And on the other side, they practise something over and over again and they could be doing the wrong thing. One is then putting all their effort into learning something that is not moving them closer to what they want to achieve. Their actions are pushing them further away from what they want. But unless one knows that what they are doing it wrong, they are likely to carry on doing the same thing/s. Digging Holes In The Wrong Places It is a bit like digging holes in a field that contains gold. If one digs in the right places, they are going to get what they desire sooner rather than later. And yet, if one just digs anywhere and doesn’t find out where they are supposed to be digging, it is going to affect their progress. There is the chance thay they might find what they are looking for but at the same time, they might not. They will dig plenty of holes and they might even get stronger, but that’s about as far as it will go. The Wrong Thing Doing the wrong thing over and over again will mean that one gets better at what they are doing, but if what they are doing is the wrong thing, then it won’t matter. They will simply become highly competent at doing something that is stopping them from moving forward. Perfect Practise What this means then, is that practice alone is not enough, one matters is that one does the right thing over and over again. When one does the wrong thing they are going to get into bad habits and end up wasting time. Instead of going in the right direction, they will be going in the wrong direction. All the effort and energy that they have put in will then be in vain. So practice is not the key to perfection, perfect practice is. Awareness When one is invested in what they are doing, it is not always easy to step back and reflect on what is taking place. This is why mentors and coaches are so important; as they can give one the feedback that they need to move forward. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ There are many things that one can do to make a positive impression and this is going to include the impression one makes when they meet someone for the first time and in their existing relationships. And as human beings are not perfect, it is only natural that they are going to do things from time to that will not create a positive impression. This is part of life and will not only depend on what one does; it will also depend on how the other person interprets what they do. So while one has a certain amount of control when it comes to how other people see them, it is also true that no matter what one does, it still doesn’t mean that it will lead to a positive impression being formed. Compliments A positive action can then go unnoticed or end up being interpreted in such a way that another person ends up feeling offended. One example of this is when one person gives a complement or is complimentary in general. In their mind, they are purely focused on what they appreciate or admire in the other person. However, due to how they interpret their compliment or complements in general, they are unable to accept it. This could then create a ‘bad taste in the other person’s mouth’ so to speak and before long, it could disappear. There is also the chance that it could stay with them and one is then unable to do anything about it. Eye Contact One thing that one can to create a good first impression is to maintain eye contact; this will be important in all their relationships. Clearly there is more to creating a positive first impression or to having healthy relationships than eye contact alone and yet, it is still important. Now, there are going to be people who have no trouble with this on one side and on the other side, there are going to be people who struggle with it. This could be something that affects all their relationships, or it could have an impact on a certain area of their life. When It Exists When one is able to maintain eye contact with someone, they are going to increase their chances of making and maintaining a good impression. The other person can end up feeling acknowledged, important and that one can be trusted. But just because one is able to maintain eye contact in one context, it doesn’t mean they can maintain it in every context. So one part of their life could be fine and another could be severely harmed as a result. When It Doesn’t Here, one could be in a position where they are unable to hold eye contact with anyone. If it only relates to a certain area, it could still affect every other area of their life. For instance, one might be fine when it comes to their career but when it comes to their intimate relationships, it could be a real challenge. And as this area is so important, it is going to have an effect on other areas of their life. As the saying goes ‘the eyes are the windows to the soul’. And without eye contact, it is going to make it difficult to experience intimacy. Pressure So there is going to be the outer experience and then there is going to be the inner experience. On the outside will be the type of gaze that someone has and on inside will be how one feels and the thoughts that they have when they experience eye contact. However, if someone has trouble experiencing eye contact, it might not matter what another person’s gaze is like. And this is because what is taking place externally can be accentuated by what is taking place internally. More Than Eye Contact When eye contact takes place each person’s eyes are coming together, but that is just one part of it. Even though each person is simply looking at each other’s eyes, it can feel as they are looking deeper. So one can feel as though the other person can see inside them and is therefore aware of what is taking place within them. It is then not so much about how another person looks at them as it is about what the other person triggers within them. On The Spot One can then end up feeling as though there is a spotlight on them and this can end up causing extreme discomfort. If one is at peace within for example, then holding eye contact is unlikely to be a problem. When there is conflict within or when one is not able to hide the conflict that is within them, eye contact is going to be a challenge. Even though the person one is looking at might have no idea as to what is going on within them, it can feel as though they know exactly what is taking place. Inner Experience One may be aware of what is taking place within them or they may just feel ‘uncomfortable’ when it comes to experiencing eye contact. And during the moments when one experiences eye contact, one could feel: fear, shame, anxiety and panic. There is also likely to be certain thoughts that appear and these may depend on the context. Emotional Experience The reason one feels the way they do is probably because an old experience is being triggered. And although time has passed, the emotions of the experience have remained trapped in their body. So until these emotions have been processed other people will continue to trigger them. And all the time this happens, one is going to find it hard to remain represent and to maintain eye contact with others. Awareness These feelings will need to be faced and then released. This can be done with the assistance of therapist or a healer. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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