When it comes to the kinds of relationships that one has with others, they could find that they experience intimacy with some of the people they know. As a result of this, their life is not going to be full of surface level connections.
This could then mean that one has partner/lover and a number of friends who they share a deeper connection with. At the same time, they this could be a time in their life when they are not with anyone. The Benefit What this will then mean is that one’s life is going to be far more fulfilling that it would be if they only had one person to share it with. It is then not going to be as important for them to be with someone, and this is because they can share who they are with other people in their life. During the moments when they are in their company, they could open about how they have been feeling and the direction their life is taking, among other things. This is also likely to be something that the other person does. Empathy And as this takes place, it is going to show that the people they spend time with have the ability to empathise. Along with this, one is also going to have the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, so to speak. The reason for this is that in order for one to open up to others, they will need them to respond in a supportive manner. As if this was something that didn’t take place, there is the chance that one wouldn’t reveal themselves to them. Acceptance Thus, when one opens up, the other person will be able to be there without having the need to judge them. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will be able to put their mind to one side and to listen with their heart, or that they can simply be present. This is not to say that they wouldn’t speak up if one is doing something that is wrong, for instance; what it means is that they are going to accept them for who they are. And it will be this acceptance that will play a big part in why one opens up to them. Both Ways And once again, this is likely to be how one behaves when it comes to the people they are closest to, and they could be this way around the people they are not as close to. What this shows is that when one feels comfortable around another person, it can be normal for them to open up. Due to how they are behaving, one will feel as though it is safe for them to talk about how they feel and/or their dreams, for example. Therefore, in order for one to open their heart, their body needs to feel that it is safe for them to do so. Another Approach However, while one could be in a position where they feel safe enough to open up to the people in their life, there is also the chance that this is not the case. Instead, they could be used to spending time with people who they prefer to keep at a distance. If one was to reflect on why this is the case, they could find that this is what feels comfortable. This is not to say that these people will realise that they don’t feel comfortable around them; in fact, they might not even take the time to take a closer look into what is taking place. Caught Up They could believe that one should open up to them, and it this could then cause them to overlook their own behaviour. There could be moments when they ask them about their life and end up telling them that it would be good to hear more about what has been going on for them. At other times, they could tell that that they should open up, and that there is no reason for them to be closed off. Now, this could be a sign that one finds it hard to open up, and this could be how they have been for most of their life. Outlook At a deeper level, one could believe that other people want to take advantage of them, and that it is not safe to trust other people. Through having this outlook, it then sets them up to attract people that mirror what they believe. This could be the result of what took place during their younger years, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. The people they are surrounded with can then be a reflection of what took place during these years. Criticism And although the people in their life could be interested in their life or even say that it would be good to hear about their life, they could also end up criticising them. When this happens, one could end up being put down and shamed for how they behave. There is then the chance that one will close up even more and it will then be even harder for them to open up. Even so, someone in their life could believe that this will encourage them to open up. Pain What this can then show is that one’s behaviour has triggered something within them, and instead of being able to contain what is taking place for them, they end up criticising one’s behaviour. But while this will allow them to experience a momentary release, it is unlikely to cause one to open up. Their behaviour is likely to undermine the relationship, and unless they can take responsibility for taking is taking place within them, it is unlikely to improve. There is also the chance that they could end up pushing one away. Awareness On one side, there will be what they need to do to deal with what is taking place within them, and on the other side, there will be what one needs to do in order to feel safe enough to open up. However, even if one was to start to feel safe enough to experience intimacy, it doesn’t mean that they will still have the same people in their life. There is the chance that one could change what is taking place within them and yet the people around them could stay the same, and this could then cause them to be drawn to other people; the kind of people who will support them. When it comes to moving forward, it might be necessary for one to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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While someone can be in a position where they are around people who they can open up to, there is also the chance that this is not the case. When one can relate to the former, it could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember.
Having said that, there is also the chance that their life hasn’t always been this way, and one could then find it easy to get into touch with when their life used to be different. As a result of this, one will know what it is like to be on the other side, so to speak. Appreciation If they were to do this, they may start to experience a sense of gratitude, and it could be said that this is to be expected. For one thing, their life is likely to be far more fulfilling than it was before. Yet when one doesn’t experience life in this way, they are unlikely to know what it would be like to experience life differently. In fact, they could believe that this is the only option they have, and that their life will always be the same. Disconnected Through being around people who they can’t open up to, they could feel as though they are separate from others. It then might not matter whether they are by themselves or around others, as they could feel the same. Even so, this doesn’t mean that one hasn’t opened up to them; what it can mean is that this has only caused them to experience pain. When one has opened up to them, they may have ended up being taken advantage of. Closed Up Due to the responses that they have received, they have ended up disconnecting from the people around them. This is not to say that his need has simply disappeared though, as it will still be there. One could find that they end up opening up from time to time and getting hurt in the process. When this happens, they could wonder why they bother, and it could then cause them to criticise themselves. Self-Harm There will then be what one goes through by opening up, and what they go through due to opening up. It would be easy to say that one will be harmed by another and then they will be harmed by themselves, but this wouldn’t be the complete truth. A more accurate way of looking at it would be to say that one is allowing another to harm them and then they are harming themselves. The reason for this is that when one knows how someone will respond to them and they open up anyway, they will be engaging in self-harming behaviour. For Example The people that one spends their time with could criticise them no matter what they talk about, or they could find this only takes place when it comes to certain things. And not only could one be shamed when they open up, they could also share what they say with other people. Therefore, they are going to continually abuse the trust that one puts in them, and this can mean that they are used to feeling humiliated. Yet although they will know what it is like to be humiliated, it doesn’t mean that they will take a step back and change their behaviour. Intimate Relationships Along with the kinds of experiences they have with the people they spend their time with, there may also have a similar experience with their partner/lover. Alternatively, one may find that they rarely have any problems when they open up to a friend, but that this is not the case when it comes to the people they are romantically involved with. When one is in a relationship, they could find that they end up with people who they can’t trust. It is then not going to be possible for them to get close to someone, and this could be an area of their life that causes them a lot of pain. A Victim Through experiencing life in this way, one could end up feeling as though they have no control over their life. They could believe that people are out to cause them harm; there could then be times when they want to avoid them. However, while one could believe that they just end up with people who are unable to accept them as they are, there is going to be more to it. For one thing, one could find that they are too trusting, and this then stops them from taking the time to see if they should open up to someone. Reading the Signs Another way of looking at it would be to say that one doesn’t pay attention to how someone behaves, and that they simply open up to anyone. Thus, without having the ability to pay attention to someone’s behaviour and to listen to their intuition, they end up being taken advantage of. What could also play a part here is that one could believe that they deserve to be treated in this way, and this is then going to be what feels comfortable. This is then likely to show that one doesn’t value themselves. Attraction Due to what is taking place within them (and this could be something that they are not consciously aware of), it can cause them to be drawn to people who reflect how they see themselves. So while this can appear to be something that is happening randomly, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Based on this, it will be important for one to change what is taking place within them in order to experience life differently. When one experiences life in this way, it can be a sign that they were not treated well during their early years. Awareness During this time, ones caregivers may have also taken advantage of them in some way, and this would have set one up to believe that they don’t deserve to be treated well. How they were treated at this time would then have defined how they expected other people to treat them, and how valuable they are. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to get in touch with someone they know it could be because they need something. However, it doesn’t mean that this will always be the case, as there could be times when they don’t need anything.
Curious During these moments, one may want to find out about what they have been doing, and this will show that they are interested in their life. It is then not going to matter if someone is doing something significant, as they will want to stay up to date. What this can then show is that one is happy to put their life to one side and to focus on someone else’s life. Through doing this, it will cause them to spend less time on their own life. It’s Worth It However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that this will end up having a negative effect. The reason for this is that the effort one puts into another person’s life can end up making their life even more fulfilling. So while one will lose time and energy through doing this, it can also enable them to have people in their life who will add a lot of value. In this sense, one is losing something, but they are also gaining something. How This Happens When one gets in touch with someone, they could end up up going on social media, or they could send them a text. At the same time, one may decide to call them, or even to pay them a visit. If one approach doesn’t allow them to reach them, they could try another approach, and this would show that their interest in genuine. Still, if they don’t hear back from them straight away, they could end up waiting a while. Meaningful Relationships Through being this way when it comes to their friends, there is a strong chance that this is an area of their life that is highly rewarding. Through being there for these people, there is the chance that they will also be there for them. They will then have people in their life who can share the good times with and the not so good times. In fact, one may realise that if it wasn’t for the people in their life, it wouldn’t matter what they achieved. Balance One could be in a position where they are extremely successful, and they could see that their life wouldn’t be the same it wasn’t for their friends. But at the same time, they might also see that simply having good friends wouldn’t be enough either. It will then be important for them to have good people around them, and for them to have a sense of purpose. Both of these things are important, and it won’t be possible for one of them to replace the other. Both Ways And along with the effort one puts in, there will also be the effort that these people put in. One is then not going to put all the work in, however, as the people they are close to will also play their part. If this was something that didn’t take place, it would mean that their relationships are out of balance. This would then be an area of their life that is having a negative effect on them, and it would then be necessary for them to make a change. In The Middle Yet even if this is something that one can’t relate to, it doesn’t mean that they haven’t come into contact with people like this. When this occurs, one will see that no matter how interested they are in someone else’s life, they don’t return the favour. What this could show is that they are too caught up in their own life to have a relationship with anyone, or that they are not on the same page, so to speak. When this takes place, it is going to be in their best interest to walk away, and to invest their energy into a relationship that will enhance their life. Another Experience When one is able to reach out to others and it put their needs to one side, it is going to show that they are in balance. One on side, they will be able to give, and on the other side, they will be able to receive. During the moments when they are curious about someone else’s life, they will be giving, and when someone asks how they are, they will be receiving. However, one can also be in a position where they are only able to receive. One Reason This is not to say that one won’t put their life to one side and to find out about others; what it means is that this will be a way for them to get their needs met. One is then only going to be interested in another person’s life when they want something. Thus, if someone hears from them a few times a week or a few times a month, their intention is going to be the same. As a result of this, one could end up being deceived by them, and this is then going to set them up to be used. One Purpose When it comes to how one sees other people, they could believe that they are there to fulfil their needs. Other people are then not going to be seen as having their own needs and as being separate from them; they will be seen as being an extension of themselves. What this is likely to show is that is that one is caught up with their own needs, and they find it hard to empathise with others. And although this could cause one to have a lonely existence, there is the chance that it won’t. Disconnected The reason for this is that one might not even be in touch with their feelings, and this will then stop them from having to face the emotional consequences of their actions. One can then believe that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour. In fact, they could believe that other people are the same, and they are then going to be taking advantage of others instead of the other way around. But regardless of what is taking placing inside their mind, they are unlikely to have fulfilling relationships. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to have relationships with others that are fulfilling, they may need to work with a therapist. There is the chance that their younger years were a time when they were taken advantage of by others.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one spends time around others, they could find that they generally behave how they want to behave. This is then going to show that they don’t feel as though they have to behave in a certain way.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be able to express their true-self, and this will make it easier for them to have a fulfilling existence. However, if they do end up playing a role, it could be something that only takes place from time to time. For Example One could be in a new environment and it might then be necessary for them to act in a certain way. Yet after a while, they could soon let go of the role and allow who they are to be revealed. This could also take place when one spends time with their family, and this would show that it makes their life a lot easier when they do this. Perhaps they have tried to be themselves, but when this happens it just creates drama, for instance. A Choice As they are able to be themselves when it comes to the other areas of their life, it could mean that this is something that doesn’t have a big effect on their life. What this could also show is that they don’t spend a lot of time with them. It is then a case of one putting on act around them and having them in their life, or they could be themselves and it could set them up to experience pain. Now, this is not to say that they will be putting up with abuse, as this is unlikely to be the case. Day-To-Day Life When they are able to be themselves, it will be a sign that they are in touch with their feelings and needs. These two aspects will play a big part in how they behave around other people. Thus, when it comes to the people that one spends time with, they will know who they are. Due to this, there is a strong chance that one’s relationships will be authentic, and this is going mean that they are life-affirming. Opposite Sex This is something that will also have a positive effect on their intimate relationships, and this is because they won’t try to be someone else. Therefore, when they meet someone for the first time, they won’t end up deceiving them. So if the other person responds well to them, there will be the chance that it’s because they like them for who they are. And if they don’t like them for who they are, then this will save them a lot of time. Comfortable When one can be themselves in life, it is going to mean that they feel safe enough to do so. This can then be something that just happens, and there will be no need for them to think about how they experience life. There is the chance that they have been this for as long as they can remember, or there may have been a time when they experienced life differently. The life they lead could then be radically different to how it used to be. A Rare Occurrence When one doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be themselves when they are around others, they could find that they always end up playing a role. Or this could mean that there are times when they can be themselves, but this will be a something that doesn’t happen very often. One could find that they need to be by themselves in order for their true-self to appear, and this is going to have a negative effect on their life. But regardless of whether one can reveal their true-self from time to time or if this only happens when they in their own company, it is naturally going to cause them to feel as though they have no control over their life. Relationships When they are around others, they could end up playing a role, and it could then appear to be something that just happens. Still, the role that they play could all depend on who they are with. If they are with one friend, they could come across as funny, but if they are with another, they could end up acting shy. But although this will cause them to feel restricted, it is likely to be what allows them to be approved of. Intimate Relationships They will then have other people in their life, but they will still feel cut-off, and this is to be expected. The people they spend time with don’t know who they are; they simply know the role that they play. When it comes to meeting someone to share their life with, they are also likely to find that they act in a certain way. As a result, they are not going to know who they are either, and their love life is not going to be very fulfilling. A Deeper Look Ultimately, one is here to be themselves and not to play a role, and so if this is not possible, it is a sign that something isn’t right. What this can show is that one’s younger years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to express their true-self. During this time, one may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect, and this would have caused their true-self to go into hiding. Playing a role is then something that causes them to suffer but it is what feels safe. Awareness If one can relate to this, then they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist. This can be a time where one will be looking at what is taking place in their mind and their body.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was to think about how they used to spend their time before social media was invented, they might find it hard to remember. What this could show is that it has become a normal part of their life.
And as it is so easy to use social media, it can be easy to see why this might be the case. If they want to access it, they could sit down and use a computer, or they could simply use some kind of device. Anywhere As a result of this, one can use it no matter where they are, and it could be said that this is one of the reasons why they will use it as often as they do. If this wasn’t an option, there is the chance that it would cause them to have a difference experience. Instead, it could be something that one uses from time to time as opposed to something they use all the time. It is then going to be important, but it might not have the same effect on their life. A Closer Look If one was to think about why it is important, they may say that it’s because it allows them to stay connected. Thus, through using it on a regular basis, it gives them to chance to stay up to date with what is taking place. There will be how this allows them to stay in contact with their ‘friends’, and how it allows them to hear about what is taking place in the world. Social media can then be seen as something they need to use, and not something they want to use. Disconnected Based on this, they could come to the conclusion that they have been cut-off if they are unable to use it. Along with what would take place in their mind, there is also likely to be what would occur in their body. One could end up experiencing fear and anxiety, and this could cause them to be overwhelmed. Therefore, even though they are still part of life, it could seem as though they have been left out in the cold, so to speak. Survival It might then be accurate to say that one is emotionally dependent on social media, and in order for them to feel at peace, they will need to use it on a consistent basis. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it allows them to regulate how they feel. So in the same way that a Childs anxiety is kept at bay through the presence of their mother, the presence of social media can allow an adult to keep their anxiety at bay. In this sense, social media can also be seen as a mental and emotional regulator. Life Enhancing But with that aside, it could be said that social media can have a positive effect on one’s life, and that it all depends on how they use it. For example, if one has ‘friends’ that live in another country, it will be a lot easier for them to stay in touch. Yet even when it relates to their ‘friends’ who live in the same country, it can still be easier for them to stay up to date with them. They can see what they have been doing in their life, and they can comment on the kinds of things that they share, for instance. News If one wants to find out about what has been taking place in the world, they will also be able to fulfil this need. This can take place through looking over what is ‘trending’, or they could see what is taking place in their News Feed. What they need is then in one place, and there can be no reason for them to go anywhere else. One can also stay up to date with that their favourite celebrities have been doing with their life. Entertainment It could be more important for them to be informed about what is happening in the world of entertainment than the world itself. Even so, this need will be taken care of, and they won’t need to go without. There is then so much to gain through using social media and so much to lose through not using it. And as it has such a positive effect on their life, there will be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Another Outlook However, while social media can have a positive effect on one’s life, it can also cause them to waste time. For example, although one can be informed about what their real friends are doing, they can also be inform about what their so called friends are doing. When it relates to the former, it could be said that it will be time well spent, but when it relates to the latter, it could be said that they will be wasting their time. Ultimately, these will be people that have no real relevance to their life. Informed And while one can believe that they are being informed about the world through using social media, this is not going to be the complete truth. This comes down to the fact that social media is often no different to the mainstream media in as much as they define what events will be exposed and what events will be overlooked. Due to this, one can end up being conditioned to see life in a certain way, and this will stop them form being able to come to their own conclusions about what is taking place. The alternative might be for one to do their own research, and they won’t need social media in order to do this. Time It could be said that one’s time is one of the most important things they have, and this is because they can’t get it back. When one uses social media, it can be so easy for them to get caught up in what is taking place, and before they know it, they could have spent a number of hours online. The time that one could save through putting social media to one side could be used to enhance their life. This could be used to create more fulfilling relationships, to learn a new hobby, or to build-up their own business, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When a relationship comes to an end, one can experience a sense of relief, and this can mean that they won’t feel the need to get back together with the person they were with. Even so, this doesn’t mean that the other person is having the same experience.
As a result, they can try and revive the relationship, and one could start to wonder when they are going to move on. One could feel as though they have outgrown each other, and there will then be no reason for them to get back together. Abuse If this isn’t the case, there is the chance that the relationship was abusive, and then this will show that one is doing the right thing. The person they have left is not going to be healthy and it will be in their best interest to keep them out of their life. Through spending time with them, they will know how destructive they are. What this will show is that one is no longer willing to tolerate their bad behaviour, and that they have changed. The Other Person If person they were with does try to revive the relationship, they could remind them of all the good times that they shared together. During this time, they could talk about how it would be a shame for them to throw away what they have created. Thus, they could send them texts and call them, and they may even end up turning up where they live. Along with this, they could even send one flowers and/or chocolates, for instance. One Step Further What they do can all depend on what their financial situation is, but then again, this might not matter. If they were in a position where they had plenty of money, they might offer to take them on holiday. This could then be seen as a time where it will be possible for one see how they are meant to be together. Or they could offer to take them to a restaurant that they always used to go to, and this will be seen as somewhere that will get them back on track. Another Approach However, if this approach doesn’t work, they might try to manipulate one into getting back together with them. This could be a time where they will say that they won’t find someone as good as them, or that they will soon realise what they have lost. There is the chance that this is something that will happen straight away if they were with someone who was abusive. They could believe that one is weak, and that they will be able to get them to come back through treating them how they did before. Focus It is then going to be important for them to stand their ground, and to focus on why they left them in the first place. If they have left them because they have grown apart, then there will be no reason for them to change their mind. This is also going to be the case if they were with someone who was abusive. Yet if one does feel a pull to go back with them, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. Emotional Regulation Having said that, one could leave a relationship that is not having a positive effect on their life and then before long, they could get back together with them. They could spend a few days or even weeks apart, or it could be even longer. When this happens, one could find that they start to feel better, but then as time passes, they could soon return to how they felt when they were with them before. What this is likely to show is that one went back with them to change how they feel. Overwhelmed If one was to reflect on how they felt when they left the relationship, they could find that they felt as though they couldn’t handle life. This could have been a time when they felt abandoned. Due to how they felt, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to pay attention to their true needs. It could be said that it would have been a time when it felt like their survival was under threat, and this then stopped them from being able to think clearly. Powerless It then won’t matter if they want to leave the relationship, as they will feel as though they have no control over their life. They can either stay with someone they don’t want to be with, or they can leave them and end up feeling overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean that one won’t leave them again though, but it could only be a matter of time before they return. When this happens, it could be because one has emotionally settled down, and then once they leave, they will soon come into contact with how they felt the last time they left them. A New Experience In order for one to leave their partner and for them to stay away, it will be necessary for them to change what is taking place within them. Unless this takes place, they will continue to experience life in the same way. If one does feel abandoned when they leave a relationship, it could be due to what took place during their younger years (or what didn’t take place). Perhaps one was neglected during these years, and although time has passed, the past is still defining their life. In Control On one level, one will want to be with someone who is right for them, and at a deeper level, they will want to do everything they can to avoid being by themselves. The reason that what is taking place at a deeper level is in control of their life is because it is the strongest part. Awareness But regardless what one has been through up until this point, it is possible for them to change their circumstances. For this to take place, the pain that is within them will need to be processed, and this can be done with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk False-Self: Can Self-Development Allow Someone To Replace Their False-Self With Another False-Self?15/7/2016
When someone is in touch with their feelings and needs, it could be said that they are in touch with their true-self. And if it is possible for these aspects to have an effect on their life, it will mean that their life will be an expression of who they are.
The Ideal One way of looking at this would be to say that this is the ideal way to experience life, and this is because they will be able to fulfil their needs. This is not to say that their life will always go as they want it to; what it means is that they will be used to feeling as though they are on the right track, so to speak. Through experiencing life in this way, it will be a lot easier for them to handle the moments when this isn’t the case. But while this can be seen as the ideal way to experience life, it is not something that everyone can relate to. Two Experiences When one is out of touch with their-true-self, they may realise that this is the case, or they might not. If they are aware of the fact that their life is not an expression of who they are, it will give them the chance to do something about it. However, if one is not aware of this, there will be no reason for them to do anything about what is taking place. It will then be seen as who they are and that could be as far as it will go. A Positive Experience Yet even if one is out if touch with who they are, it doesn’t mean that they won’t enjoy their time on this planet. The reason for this is that they could play a role that allows them to receive positive feedback from others. As a result of this, it will stop them from having to see that they are out of touch with themselves. But if they were to spend a certain amount of time in their own company (and without any kind of device), this is something that could soon change. Starved During this time, it won’t be possible for them to receive the kind of feedback that they would usually receive, and it could then cause their true feelings to arise. Having said that, one could find another way to avoid how they feel. What this will show is that they are doing everything they can do run away from themselves, and unless this starts to change, they will continue to play a role. Yet if they did want to change how they experience life, it could be a sign that they are no longer receiving the same feedback from others. Loss of Control Their priority will then be to experience life in the same way as they did before, and this means they won’t feel the need to find their true-self. They are then not experiencing as much control as they did before and they will want this to change. This can then be a time when they start to look for ways to change their circumstances, and they could end up being drawn to self-development. The same thing could also happen if one was to see that they are out of touch with themselves. The Solution It could be said that the reason why they would be drawn to this is because it will be seen as something that will allow them to change their life. When one has the need to find their true-self, they could come into contact with information that will allow this to take place. At the same time, they could end up covering up their false-self, and create another false-self instead. And if one simply wants their life to return how it was before, they could also end up doing the same thing. Intention In this case, they will have a different intention, but they will end with the same outcome. What this shows is that self-development can enable one to let go of what doesn’t belong to them, or it can allow them to add another mask on top of the one they are already wearing. Letting Go When it comes to the former, it can be a time where one will be looking into what is taking place in their mind and their body. One will not only be looking into what they believe; they will also be looking into if they are carrying an emotional build-up and/or trauma. There can then be what one needs to add, and there can also be what they need to take away. Therefore, things like affirmations and positive thinking will play a part, but that won’t be all there is to it. Adding More Layers When it relates to the latter, there will be no reason for them to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level. This is not to say that they won’t want to change how they feel; what it means is that they will want to do this without having to change themselves. There is then going to be no reason for them to let go of anything; the only thing they will need to do is to add things to their mind. Thus, positive thinking and affirmations could be seen as the only things that matter. Outlook One can then come to the conclusion that they are developing themselves, but this is not going to be the complete truth. It might be more accurate to say that they have found another way to avoid themselves. yet unless one has the desire to find their true-self, they are unlikely to change their behaviour. Being drawn to things that will allow them to avoid themselves will be what feels comfortable. Awareness Nevertheless, if one does want to get in touch with who they are and to express this part of themselves, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This is unlikely to be something that will take place straight away, but it will occur if one keeps going.
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There are people who feel as though they are on track in life, and there are others who don’t. As a result of this, it could be said that not everyone is going to experience life in the same way.
When one feels as though they are doing the right thing, it is likely to be a lot easier for them to get out of bed in the morning. And while they might not be happy all the time, there is a strong chance that they will be happy with the direction their life is taking. Fulfilment Their life won’t be perfect, and there is the chance that not everything will go to plan, but they will have a meaningful existence. This could then mean that they won’t be in a position where they are looking for other people to make their life worth living. There is also the chance that one will feel as though they are doing what they came here to do, and there will then be no reason for one to feel as though they are wasting their life. This could be how they have experienced life for quite some time, or it might be a fairly recent occurrence. Disconnected However, when one doesn’t feel as though they are on the right track, it could be normal for them to believe that they are wasting their life. They may have the desire to live a fulfilling existence, but that could be a far as it will go. It could then be a challenge for them to wake up in the morning, and they may even find it hard to get to sleep at night. When they go to bed, their mind could be focused on what they can do to experience life differently. In The Morning Once it is time for them to get out of bed, they could start to think about why they should even bother. They might not feel as though they have a reason to get up, or if they do, it is unlikely to be something that has a big effect on them. This could be a sign that one works somewhere that doesn’t really interest them; each day is then going to be just as unfulfilling as the day before. One could feel as though they are stuck on a treadmill that they can’t get off, and they may wonder if they should carry on. A Burden In this case, it would show that one had reached a certain point, and this could mean that they have thought about ending their life. Therefore, as far as they can see, their life is not going to get any better. This could mean that they haven’t tried to change their circumstances, or there could be more to it. If they haven’t tried anything, then it could be said that it would be a good idea for them to reach out for support. Alternatively At the same time, one may have tried all kinds of things, and this may have caused them to experience even more frustration. In the beginning, they may have believed that their life would finally change, and then as time passed, they may have come crashing down. This could have been something that has only happened once and then that was the end of it, or this could be something that has continued to occur. If it has only happened once, it can be a sign that they find it easy to give up. Resilience If, on the other hand, this has taken place a number of times, it can show that they are not willing to completely give up. They could stay down for days or even weeks, but they will soon be back on their feet When one is this way, it could be said that it will be a lot easier for them to find their purpose in life. This is then similar to how someone will have a greater chance of opening a lock if they try more than one key. Up Until This Point If one has tried to find their purpose, they may have read books and taken courses, for instance. During the time when they were reading a book or taking a course, they may have believed that this would be the turning point. This could have been a time when they heard about how other people had transformed their life through reading the same book. Or if they were on a course, they may have seen how other people were able to find their purpose. An Option And if one hasn’t tried anything in order to find their purpose, it might be good idea for them to read a book or to go on a course, for instance. As just because something doesn’t work for one person, it doesn’t mean that it won’t work for another. There is also the chance that one simply needs to find the right book, or to go on a difference course. Untimely, life is a journey, and this is why it is important for one to keep going and not to give up. Another Approach What one could also do is to connect to their needs and feelings, and this might give them the information that they need. Through being in touch with these aspects, one could ask themselves what they feel passionate about, and the kinds of things that make their heart sing. This might not happen straight away, but it should happen if one takes the time to listen to what is taking place within them. But if one finds that they are unable to connect to their feelings and needs, then it might be necessary for them to try a different approach. Going Deeper What this could show is that one is disconnected from what is taking place in their body, and until they are able to get back in touch with this part of themselves, their life is unlikely to change. This could show that one is carrying a lot of pain, and while living on the surface of themselves allows them to avoid this pain, it is also causes them to be cut-off from their true-self. Awareness If one can relate to this, it might be necessary for them to work with some kind of therapist. As they begin to let go of the pain that is within them and to connect to themselves, they may gradually being to realise what their purpose is. Having said that, this is not to say that one will have the same purpose for the rest of their life, and this is because there is the chance that their purpose will change as they change. In the same way that how one sees themselves at one point in time might not be how they will see themselves at another.
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When a relationship comes to an end, one can decide to take a break and to spend time by themselves. Through doing this, it can allow them to process the pain that they are experiencing, and then to gradually settle down.
This can then be a time when they will be healing themselves, and this will give them the chance to find someone who is right for them. However, even if one is not in pain, taking a step back can also lead to the same outcome. On the Rebound Alternatively, one could leave a relationship and then find someone more or less straight away. When this happens, they are not going to take the time to face how they feel, and this means that they could end up with someone who is not a match. Now, this could mean that it is only a matter of time before one realises that they don’t have a connection, or it could be far worse. For example, one could end up with someone who is abusive. A Pattern If one ends up with someone who they don’t have a connection with, it might not bother them in the short-term. This is primarily because they are not looking for a relationship; they are simply looking for someone to distract them from how they feel. Yet if they end up with someone who is abusive, it is going to cause them to experience even more pain. Still, there is the chance that they have just left someone who is just as abusive. Two Experiences When it comes to the former, it will give one the chance to avoid themselves, and this could cause them to believe that they have moved on. The past is behind them, and there is then no reason for them to process the pain that is within them. But when it comes to the latter, one is likely to come to the conclusion that they have ended up with someone who is the same. Now, this is not to say that they will look into what is taking place within them, as they could be focused on the external world. Hopeless As a result of this, one could believe that they have no control over their life, and it will then be normal for them to feel like a victim. In their eyes, every man/woman could be the same, and their life is not going to be very fulfilling. If one ends up with someone who isn’t a match, they could simply find someone else. It is likely to be easier for one to handle this, and this comes down to the fact that one is not with someone who is abusive. A New Beginning Having said this, there is also the chance that one will leave a relationship and end up with someone who is right for them. When this takes place, it could be a sign that one was no longer attracted to the person they were with. Due to this, they wouldn’t have experienced pain when they left them; or if they did, it wouldn’t have been very strong. Alternatively, the connection that they had with the other person might have ended long before the relationship came to an end, and this can mean that they won’t experience loss. A Grey Area What this comes down to is that this is not something that is black and white, and that there are a number of different outcomes that can arise. Still, what can be said is that if one is still attached to the person they were with, it won’t be possible for them embrace another relationship. One way of looking at this would be to say that their body will be with them, but their heart won’t be. This is not to say that the person they are with will notice what is taking place, as they could believe that they have let go of the past. The Reason The person they are with could also be in the same position, and this means that it won’t stand out. At a deeper level, there is the chance that this is what feels comfortable, and if one was to change, they might back away. Yet if they were to see that one is still attached to their ex, they could overlook what is taking place. Through being attached to them, it is then going to stop them from being able to face reality. The Evidence One thing that could show that one is still attached to their ex is that they could spend a lot of time talking about them. One is then no longer with them, but they act as though they are still together. If an outsider was to listen to the kinds of things that they talk about, they might soon see that one hasn’t moved on. Along with this, one could try to hide their partner from their ex, and this is likely to lead to conflict. For Example There will be what takes place in real world, and then there will be what takes place online. When it comes to the real world, one might ignore their partner when their ex is around, or they could come across as distant. They might also avoid going to certain places, or they could only spend time together when they are away from others. When it comes to the online world, one might not have any pictures on social media where they are with their partner, or they could stop their ex from seeing them. Awareness If someone can relate to this, they could take the time talk to their partner about what is taking place. This is not to say that they have to criticise their partner; what it means is that they can open up about how they feel and what they have seen. This could then allow them to move closer, or it could be a time when their partner dismisses what they say. Their relationship could then improve, or it could mean that one needs to think about whether they want to stay with someone who is not available.
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There are some people who are able to connect with others, and then there are others who are unable to do so. When one can do this, there is a strong chance that they are going to be used to having people in their life that they are close to.
One on side this could mean that they will have a number of close friends, and on the other side it could also mean that they are in an intimate relationship. Yet even if they are not with someone at this point in their life, it doesn’t mean that their life is always this way. A Partner If they are with someone, they are likely to find that they can spend time with them without feeling as though they are losing themselves. As a result of this, it will allow them to share their own life and for the other person to do the same. One will be able to fulfil their needs, and this is naturally going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. And as they are able to maintain their sense of self around their partner, it will also be possible for them to enjoy the time when they are not in their presence. Boundaries One way of looking at this would be to say that one has good boundaries, and this is why they can let other people into their life. Through having them, one can not only let people in; they can also let them in without feeling overwhelmed. But if an outsider was asked if they could see one’s boundaries, they might not be able to see how they are any different to someone that doesn’t have them. What this comes down to is that they would need to pay attention to their behaviour in order to realise that one has them. One Experience Therefore, if someone was asked to pay attention to their behaviour, they might soon begin to see that one has good boundaries. They would see that having them makes it a lot easier for one to experience intimacy with their close friends and to have an intimate relationship with someone. During this time, they could see that one also has a close connection with their family, or if this is not the case, they won’t allow them to take advantage of them. Ultimately, they will see that one can embrace life through having them. Another Experience At the same time, someone could pay attention to their behaviour and they could end up feeling uncomfortable. They could believe that one gets too close to others, or that they don’t get close enough. Having said that, they could wonder what it would be like to experience life in the same way, and this will then be a time when one will think about why they are experiencing life differently. Based on these two experiences, it could be said that one is either aware of their need to connect to others or they are not aware. Alternatively Still, this is doesn’t mean that one can’t be aware at certain times and unaware at others, as it is not this black and white. For example, one could want to get close to another and when this happens, they could soon experience the desire to get away. After this has taken place, they could disconnect from their need to connect to others, and it will then be normal for them to spend time by themselves. Or they could avoid others and after a while, they might begin to wonder what it would be like to connect to them. A Challenge When one is unable to connect to others without losing themselves, it is going to be difficult for them to let people into their life. However, if one is aware of why they can’t let people in, it will give them the chance to do something about it. Yet if they are out of touch with what is taking place within them, they can end up believing that they have no control over their life. It is then not that they are stopping people from coming in; it is that other people don’t want to spend time with them. Short-Term Pain When it comes to the former, one could reach out for external support, and this will then allow them to look into why they keep people at a distance. As to how long this process takes can depend on a number of different factors. Nevertheless, no matter how long it takes, it will stop them from having to experience life from the sidelines. Their need to connect to others will finally be fulfilled, and this will have a big effect on their life. Long-Term Pain When it comes to the latter, one will carry on doing the same thing, and they will continue to suffer. They might believe that other people have something they don’t have, or that they are being punished. At a deeper level, one could believe that they are not good enough; they could then spend a lot of their time trying to achieve things. When it comes to how they feel, they may be used to feeling angry, hopeless and powerless. Conflict As it is part of being human to want to connect to others, it can be hard for one to understand why they would have trouble doing so. What this can show is that their boundaries were not respected during the beginning of their life. During this time, one may have experienced some kind of abuse, and this would have caused them to believe that other people are a threat to their survival. As a result of this, it will be vital for them to make sure that other people don’t get too close. Out of Touch The years will then have passed and one will have lost touch with what took place, but these experiences will still be defining their life. What is taking place in their life can then be seen as a result of what it taking place externally as opposed to what is taking place within them. Thus, until one is able to bring their attention to what is taking place at a deeper level, they will continue to suffer unnecessarily. They will experience pain if they face themselves, but what this will do is give them the opportunity to transform their life. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they may need to work with some kind of therapist. This can be a time where they will be healing trauma and working through an emotional build-up within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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