If one was to take a step, so to speak, they may find is that there have been moments in their life when they haven’t feel too good about themselves. This is then going to be the exception as opposed to the rule.
Now and Then When they do feel this way, it could show that they have done something wrong, or this could just be what they believe. Perhaps they have just spent a time with someone who didn’t treat them very well. But even though they feel this way, this is likely to be a time when they will talk to themselves in a positive way. There is then going to be a part of them that is not in a good way and another part that is there to take care of this part. Self-Support This is then the same as what will happen when a loving mother/father sees that their child is upset. In this instance, the parent will give the child that which he/she is unable to give themselves. At this age, the child is not going to have the ability to regulate their own emotions, and this is why an attuned parent is so important. This can then be the reason why one has the ability to soothe themselves as an adult. Two Benefits Through having at least one parent around at this time who behaved in this way, it would have stopped them from being overwhelmed by their emotions as a child. This would have allowed their brain to develop in the right way. As the years went by, it would have been easier for them to regulate their own emotions, and this is why they will feel comfortable enough to tolerate emotional discomfort as an adult. And how they talk to themselves as an adult will be similar to how their parent/s talked to them when they were younger. Moving Forward So, if they have done something wrong, they can look into what they can do to put it right. There will be no need for them to beat themselves up about it and to sink even further into themselves. If they have just spent time with someone who didn’t treat them very well, they might decide to keep their distance from now on. There will be no reason for them to spend time with someone who is not good for them. Self-Love Ultimately, one is going to be in touch with their inherent value, and this is why they experience life in this way. What will feel comfortable is spending time around people who treat them with respect. It could be said that this is the ideal way for someone to experience life; their life will be far more fulfilling that it would be if this wasn’t the case. There are then going to be others who experience life differently. The Norm When one experience life in this way, they could find that they have the tendency to feel bad about themselves. It is then not going to matter if they have done anything wrong, as they will feel this way anyway. How they treat themselves is not going to be a lot different to how they are treated by other people. From the outside, it might seem as though they are being victimised by others, but it is not going to be this black and white. Looking Deeper If someone was to listen to what takes place in their mind and they were to see how they treat themselves, they would be in for a surprise. One is not going to be their own best friend, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. What this is likely to show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed when they were younger. One may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused them to disconnect from their inherent value, amongst other things. A New Start After experiencing life in this way for as long as they can remember, one may get to the point where they are no longer willing to carry on in this way. This could cause them to reach out for external support and to gradually heal themselves. As this process takes places, one is going to find that they feel different and that they no longer talk to themselves in the same way. This will then cause them to see themselves differently. Two Parts Their inner world will have changed, and it will then be normal for them to change how they behave. This could the mean that some of their relationships will come to an end and that new connections will be formed. One will treat themselves better and this is why they will expect other people to do the same. How they respond to negative feedback is also likely to change, and this is because it won’t penetrate them like it used to. Inner Strength So if someone was to put them down or to project their own issues onto them, it could bounce straight off them; there will be nothing within them for it to latch onto. One will be able to stay in their power and there will be no reason for them to react. It might not stop there though, as one might no longer want to carry on doing the same job, or they might expect more from what they do. Now that they feel better about themselves, it might cause them to go after something they have put off for so long. Awareness If one doesn’t value themselves, and they want this to change, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When something bad takes place in today’s world, it might not be long until millions of people know about it. This is because something can be shared on a social media site, and within a matter of minutes, it can be seen by people from all over the world.
In the past, people would have had to buy a paper or to watch the news on TV, for instance, in order to be informed. Nowadays, this is not longer necessary; the only thing someone needs is a Smartphone. The Norm The average person can then have a relatively good understanding of what is taking place in the world. So if something significant was to occur, there is a strong chance that they will soon know about it. While some people might be pleased about this, there are likely to be others who find it a bit overwhelming. This comes down to the fact that not everyone responds in the same way, and this is partly because some people are more sensitive than others. Detached One person could hear about something that has just taken place and it might not stop them from being able to function. This could be how they generally respond to what happens in the world. What this could show is that one is out of touch with how they feel, or they could just be emotionally strong. It is then going to be the exception as opposed to the rule for them to get worked up about something. Involved On the other hand, someone else could find it hard to handle some of the things that they hear about on social media. Once they have found out about something, it might take them a little while to get back on their feet, so to speak. What this could illustrate is that one finds it hard to deal with their own emotions, and this is then why the end up being controlled by them. At the same time, they could simply be someone who is sensitive. Self-Protection If this is the case, it might be a good idea for them to cut down the amount of time they spend on social media. Or, they could be more discerning when it comes to what pages they ‘like’ and what ‘trending’ stories they click on, for instance. One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be less informed, and this is not a good thing. Another way of looking at it would be to say that there is only so much one can do about what takes place in the world, and this is why it won’t matter. Ignorance is Bliss One is then going to be less informed than someone who doesn’t take this approach, but it is not as if it will have a negative effect on their life. Ultimately, one will be looking after their sensitive nature. This is going to be far better than one allowing themselves to feel drained over something that they probably can’t do anything about. One can look after their own wellbeing and focus on what they can do to make the world a better place. Two Parts However, what this overlooks is the fact that it is not just news organisations that talk about what is taking place in the world. This is something that their ‘friends’ and family are also likely to talk about. And while someone can just share an article or a video from a news organisation, they can also go one step further. When this happens, they can share a status after some kind of tragedy has taken place. Time for a Selfie In addition to this, they can also upload an image of themselves to go with it, or they could simply add a filter to their profile picture. This could be a time when they will talk about how sad they are, and they could use a number of different hashtags. It could then be said that it will be clear that this person has not only been affect by what has taken place, they also care about what is going on. This can also be seen as a way for them to show solidarity. Self-Absorbed At the same time, what this can show is that this is someone who is using a tragedy for their own gain. What they are talking about might not have anything to do with them, but this is not going to bother them. So, although one can come across as though they care about what happened, there is the chance that they are just caught up in their own feelings. One is then acting in a completely selfish manner. Attention And though being completely consumed by how they feel, they can overlook what would actually make a difference. Even so, behaving in this way can allow them to receive a lot of positive feedback online. Through sharing a status, it can allow them to receive a lot of ‘likes’ and comments from their ‘friends’ and family. One will then have commented on a tragedy, but it will be just another way for them to receive attention. Another Benefit It doesn’t stop there though, as another consequence of this is that one can prove how virtuous they are. The fact they have spoken about what has just happened can be seen as a sign that they are a good person. This shows how easy it is for someone to create a certain persona online, and it is not going matter what they are like in the real world. What someone says is then more important than what they actually do. Conclusion When a tragedy takes place, one is unlikely to have much of an effect by simply posting a picture of themselves and/or a status. This is not to say that it won’t make them feel better or make them look good, but it probably won’t do much else. If one really wants to make a difference, it might be better for them to donate money to a certain charity or to simply be an example in their everyday life. And if they know someone who has been affected by what has taken place, they could send them a private message or visit them personally.
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If one was to think about the people in their life who they are close to, they may find that these people accept them as they are. Consequently, this will allow them to feel at ease when they are in their presence.
True-Self Through being this way, one will be able to express who they are around them, and there will then be no reason for them to put on an act. One will have a deep connection with these people as opposed to a surface level connection. Naturally, this is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be if they only shared parts of themselves. It might not matter what is on their mind, as they could feel happy to open up to them. Two Parts There is then going to be what is taking place within them, and what is taking place within the people in their life. One will feel comfortable enough to open up and these people will behave in a manner that shows that they also feel comfortable with this. If, on the other hand, this wasn’t the case, it wouldn’t be possible for one to have this kind of connection with these people. One would spend time these people, but they wouldn’t be able to be themselves. The Main Part When one feels comfortable with themselves, it will be a lot easier for them to meet people who are the same. This is why if someone doesn’t have people around them who accept them, they will need to look into what is taking place within them. The alternative would be to try and change others, but this might only get them so far. For one thing, one can only do so much when it comes to how other people behave. Support If one was to think about what it is like be around people who accept them as they are, they could feel extremely grateful. The feedback that they get from these people will validate who they are, and they will feel as though they are enough. Their need to be seen for who they are will be met, as will their need to be appreciated. One will be able to just be when they are around them; they won’t need to act like a human doing when they are in their company. The Norm This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember, and this could show that their early years were supportive. Through being treated well by their caregiver/s, it set them up to feel comfortable with themselves. At the same time, their life might not have been this way for very long, and this could illustrate that they had to heal themselves. One will then be only too familiar with what it is like to have people in their life who are not right for them. A Way of Life When one hasn’t taken to steps to change their life, and they still spend time around people who don’t accept them, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. There will be how they feel when they are with someone like this, and then there will be how they feel when their time together has come to an end. One may find that they feel as though they need to put an act, as this is the only way that they will be accepted by them. Their priority is then not going to be to please themselves; it will be to please the other person. Protection If they do listen to their own needs and feelings, and allow this information to define how they behave, they could find that it causes them to be criticised. Putting on an act is then going to be a way to them to limit the amount of negative feedback that comes their way. Their friends could have tendency to tell them how to behave and what they should be doing with their life. It is then not going to be much of a surprise for one to feel as though they are not enough when they spend time with them. Undermined And, after they have spent time with them, it could take them a while to recover. In fact, they may find that they don’t feel a lot different even when they are not in their company, and this will show how destructive their relationship is. Having someone like this is their life is not going to add anything; it is only going to take away their precious life force. If one was to look into why they put up with this kind of behaviour they may find that it’s because they feel worthless. A New Beginning On one level, being around people like this causes them to suffer but, at a deeper level, it is what feels comfortable. And until they no longer feel this way, they will continue to tolerate people who are not right for them. Perhaps they were brought up by people who were not in a good place, and this caused them to be abused and/or neglected. One would have come to believe that they are worthless and this is why they are being treated in this way. Awareness Their early years would have been a time when they were around people who felt worthless and their adult years will be no different. But as one feels worthless, it can stop them from being able to see why the people in their life are trying to change them. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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When one starts a new relationship, there is no guarantee that it will last for a certain amount of time. It could last for a few months, a few years, or it could come to an end when their life comes to an end.
Two Sides Now, this is not to say that this is something that is completely out of their hands, as it is not this black and white. What it comes down to is that this is not something that is completely in their hands. There are things they can do that will have a positive effect on the relationship, but they can’t control the other person. Thus, if the other person no longer wants to be with them, there is not going to be a lot that they can do. Two People If, on the other hand, they were physically separate but they were the same person mentally and emotionally, it would be different. Their needs and wants would be the same and there would then be no reason for their relationship to come to an end. Yet as they are two people, there is as strong chance that their needs and wants will change as time goes by. In the beginning of their relationship, they are likely to have a lot in common. Part of Life So while there would have been a number of differences, they would have had enough in common in order to go to the next stage. And then as time goes by, they may find that this stays the same. However, what they could also find is that the other person starts to become someone else. This could then cause one to wonder if they have been putting on an act up until this point, and they could end up feeling as though they have been betrayed. Unavoidable There is, of course, the possibility that their partner did put on an act, but this might not be the case. Instead, they might just have changed, and this is not going to be something that they can avoid. After all, change is part of life, and if they were to hold themselves back they would be putting on an act. At the same time, both of them could change and this could allow them to grow and develop together. Soul Mates The years will go buy but this it won’t cause them to grow apart; this could be seen as what happens when two people are ‘meant to be together’. It is then not just how they look or what they have in common, for instance, that keeps them together. Something deeper brought them into each other’s reality, and this is what keeps them together. This still doesn’t mean that their relationship will last until their time their time on this earth comes to an end, though. Embracing the Moment What this shows is how important it is for one to live in the now, and not to get too caught up in what may or may not happen in the future. If they get too caught up in what could happen, it not going to be possible for them to enjoy what is happening. This is going to be far more fulfilling than if they were to leave the present moment and to think about what might happen as time goes by. It might then be better for them to be by themselves; they won’t need to worry then. A Common Fear If one was unable to embrace the moment, they may find that is because they fear that their partner will leave them. This is then going to be something that will consume their mind, and this will make it difficult for them to relax. One could also look back on the relationships that they have had in the past and see that they have been like this for as long as they can remember. They may even find that this has caused them to push a number of people away. Caught Up At the same time, if one is unable to take a step back and to see the effect that this is having on their life, it is going to a challenge for them to do anything about it. They could have the tendency to accuse the person they are with of cheating on them, for instance. It is then not going to matter if their partner is faithful, as they won’t be able to face reality. Their partner could end up feeling overwhelmed by the amount of attention and reassurance that they need. Stepping Back If they were able to step back from what is taking place and to look into what is taking place within them, they may find that they have a fear of being abandoned. One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to change what they believe. Through changing what they believe, it will allow them to feel different and to behave differently. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one is carrying trauma, and this is what needs to be dealt with. A Deeper Look What this is likely to show is that one was abandoned during their early years, and this is why they are experiencing life in this way. One is then not only going to have a fear of being abandoned, they will also carry the pain of being abandoned. And through being abandoned by the people who were supposed to look after them, one can also feel worthless. One would have come to believe that the reason they were abandoned is because they are inherently flawed. Awareness This is not the truth, but one will probably need to deal their negative beliefs and the pain that is with them to realise this. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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If one pays attention to the mainstream media and/or spends time on different social media sites, they may have come across at least one white person who blames their entire race for all the problems in the world. It is then going to be clear that they are ashamed of the colour of their own skin and what their ancestors have supposedly done.
A Strange Affair After one saw this for the first time, they may have wondered why someone would behave in this way. Even so, they may have just carried on with their life and put this experience behind them. Alternatively, it might not have been possible for them to do this, and this could show that they have been exposed to this kind of behaviour on a number of occasions. It is then going to be apparent that this is an outlook that a number of white people have. The Worst Race What one could then do is to read up on what these self-hating white people have to say about their own race. Through doing this, they may find that these people have a number of reasons as to why they believe their race is the problem. And while some of these reasons can appear to be well thought out, there can be others that can come across as being completely irrational. One could then leave it at that, or they could feel the need to look even deeper. One Difference If one was to look into the news organisations that cover this topic, they may find that there are certain websites and papers, for instance, which stand out. It is then not that every news organisation is saying the same thing; it is that there are certain ones that support this outlook. There are then going to be the news organisations who talk about this, but for different reasons. When these news organisations cover this topic, it will be to report on what someone has said. Two Sides It would then be normal for one to come to the conclusion that certain news organisations are anti-white, whilst others are not. Said another way, certain news sites will have an agenda, and their priority is then not going to be to inform people. This could be something that is hard for them to comprehend; especially if they have trusted this source of information up until this point. Then again, there is the chance that they have known this for quite some time. Another Factor If one was to look into what a lot of these self-hating whites have in common, they may find that a lot of them have been to college/university. So while these people may have gone there to learn new skills, this wouldn’t have been the only thing that took place; thats if this happened at all. Instead, this would have been a time when they were slowly indoctrinated to hate themselves, their ancestors and every other white person on the planet. Put another way, their world view would have been defined by what is often called ‘Cultural Marxism’. Confusion Yet, even if a white person hates themselves, it doesn’t mean that this will stop them from being able to feel good. While can sound hard to believe, they will have another way to elevate themselves. Due to what they believe about their own race and how they behave as a result, they can end up feeling morally superior. Ultimately, one will feel good about hating themselves (and their race), and this will allow them to rise up. Self-Righteous In order for them to keep their true feelings at bay, it will be vital for them to behave in ways that will allow them to receive positive feedback from other self-hating white people and people from other races who blame their race for just about everything. This is then similar to being in a cult, as one will need to continually prove how loyal they are. Through saying the right things online and offline, they will validate the belief that their race is the problem, and this will allow them to get the approval that they desperately need. What this can then show is that they don’t have a strong sense of self, and perhaps this was why they went along with the ‘white people are the problem‘ propaganda in the first place. An Early Wound Before they were exposed to what the media had to say or what they were told at university/college (that’s if they went), they may have already felt worthless. This would have given them a strong need to belong and to be accepted by others. Their weak sense of self would then have been propped up by their new identity as someone who hates their own race. At first, this would have reminded them of how flawed they are, but it would also have been seen as a way for them to redeem themselves. Born Again It is then not going to matter if one is religious or not, as it will be as if they have been born again. Hating themselves and their own race will be a way for them to atone for what their race is doing and what they have done in the past. In their eyes, their race is oppressing every other race, and always has done, and it is then only right for them to hate themselves. If they did feel worthless to begin with, this may mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. Conclusion When one race is held accountable for every problem in the world, it is the perfect example of what happens when black and white thinking is utilized. Everyone on this planet is likely to see life in this way from time to time, but when this is the norm for someone it can show that something is wrong with their brain. For example, black and white thinking is part of the borderline personality disorder, and what is also part of this is an unstable sense of self and self-loathing, amongst other things. This is not to say that every white person who hates themselves has this disorder, but it is highly likely that a number of them do.
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When it comes to how men behave around women, there are two types of behaviour that are often spoken about. On one side, there is the man who acts as though he doesn’t care and, on the other, there is the man who cares too much.
Two Sides There is then a spectrum, and a man can be on one side of it or he can be on the other side. If he doesn’t have the need to please women, he could be called a ‘bad boy’, but if he does have the need to please them, he could be called a ‘nice guy’. It would be easy to believe that the ‘nice guys’ have more success in their dating life, but this is rarely the case. As even though a ‘bad boy’ wont treat women with respect, he is more likely to get his needs met. A Big Difference This is someone who will generally be able to fulfil his sexual needs, as well as other needs. In general, the kind of women who he attracts (and is attracted to) may have a lot of issues, but that might not cause him too much concern. After all, it’s not as if he is going to have everything together; he might be only interested in keeping a woman around for a short time. Once he has got what he wanted, he could move on to the next one, or to another woman that he already has on the go. A Victim Due to how this man treats a woman, it would be easy to say that he is taking advantage of them. Yet, as the women who he ends up with are typically going to have their own issues, it is not this black and white. If anything, it would be more accurate to say that these women are allowing themselves to end up with someone who is not right for them. Still, a woman might find it hard to believe how this is the case. Self-knowledge It would then be necessary for her to look into what is taking place within her, and to see why she is drawn to a certain type of man. What she can do is to reflect on what took place during her early years. Through doing this, she may find that how she feels around men reminds her of how she felt when she was younger. This may have been a time when she was abused and/or neglected by her caregiver/s. Another Scenario When it comes to a ‘nice guy’, this is someone who is likely to find it extremely difficult to fulfil his sexual needs. In fact, he will probably find it hard to get most of his needs met when it comes to women. This is not to say that his relationships with other men or people in general with be any different though. His need to please will then have taken over his whole life and it is then going to be a challenge for him to feel empowered and fulfilled. Needless It might not matter if he has known a woman for a few minutes or a few years, as he will have one focus. There is the chance that he will be very good at knowing what it is that she needs. But even if he doesn’t, it is not going to stop him; he might just ask her what it is that she wants. Based on how he behaves, he could appear to be a selfless human being, and it might then seem as though he doesn’t have needs. Two Outcomes Through behaving in this way, he is likely to find that woman often see him as nothing more than a friend. He is rarely going to trigger attraction in a woman, and it is then going to be normal for them to respond in this way. If he does go further than this, he is likely to end up with a woman who will walk all over him. It is highly unlikely that she will respect him, and he might just be seen as someone who she can use. Self-Neglect When a man lives his life in this way, it can show that he is ignoring his own needs in the hope that it will allow him to fulfil them indirectly. There might be moments when this works, but this is going to the exception as opposed to the rule. At a deeper level, he might fear that if he was to go about getting his needs met in a direct manner it would cause him to be rejected. Pleasing others and trying to get his needs met indirectly is then a way to stop this from taking place. A Deeper Look One way of looking at this would be to say that rejection is part of life, and that he needs to come to terms with this. Another approach would be to look into why his life is being controlled by this fear. If he was to look into what is underneath this fear, he may find that he feels completely worthless. Being rejected will not only be seen as something that will cause other people to see how flawed he is and to abandon him, it will also cause him to be overwhelmed by toxic shame. The Reason What this can show is that he was abused and/or neglected when he was younger, and this is why he is carrying so much pain. This would have caused him to create certain beliefs and he would have experienced trauma. It is then not just going to be as simple as changing what is taking place in his head; it will also be necessary for him to deal with what is taking place in his body. What this also emphasises is how painful it is to experience toxic shame, and that it takes a lot of courage to face it. Awareness If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, it might be a good idea for him to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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While a parent can offer encouragement and acknowledge what their child is good at, they can also behave in a different manner. Instead, they can criticise their child for what they can’t do and overlook what they can do.
A Negative Effect The child is then going to be brought up by someone who undermines them, and this is naturally going to make it harder for them to grow and develop in the right way. Even so, this doesn’t mean that the child will realise this. Through being treated in this way, there is a strong chance that they will believe that this is normal. Now, this is not to say that they won’t get angry about it; what it means is that it can be something that they have become accustomed to. A Different Experience If they were to spend time at their friend’s house, they may see that not all children are treated in the same way. At the same time, there is always the chance that their friends will also be treated in the same way. But if they are treated differently, it could make it even harder for them to spend time around their own parent/s. They will see that life can be different and this can end up being on their mind when they are at home or at school, of instance. Another Outcome What can also happen, through being exposed to a different kind of parenting, is that they can believe that there must something wrong with them. At this age, it is not going to be possible for them to detach from what is taking place within them, and so they are likely to take everything personally. It is then not that their parent has a problem, and this is why they are treating them badly; it is that they are the one with the problem. In addition to this, they are likely to believe that the other child is being treated differently because they are better than they are. An Illusion However, even though one of their friends might be treated well when they are there, it doesn’t mean that this is always the case. If a camera was set up at their house, they may see that this person’s parent is just putting on an act. It could then be said that their parent is more concerned with looking good than they are with doing good. If their child was to end up with a number of different issues when they grow up, it might surprise a lot of people. The Problem A relative or a family friend, for instance, might wonder how a child who had everything could end up this way. Due to how their parent/s behaved around others, it will stop them from being able to perceive life differently. Consequently, there will have been treated badly during their early years, and then they will end up having the finger pointed at them as an adult. Still, unless someone is willing to take a step back and to take a closer look, they are not going to be able to see that their parent didn’t always behave in the same way. A Barrier What can also play a part here is if someone was abused during their younger years and they haven’t faced up to this. Out of their own need to see their parents as perfect, it can cause them to see all parents as perfect. Thus, if they were to take a deeper look and to see that what actually happened when one was younger, it would cause them to get in touch with their own pain. Ultimately, their priority is to keep their pain at bay, not to face reality. Pedestalization Yet, even if a child has a parent who treats them badly, they can still talk about how great other children are. Their own child (or children) will be treated as though they are completely worthless, but someone else’s child (or children) will be seen as being completely perfect. Their parent can spend a lot of time talking about how good they are, and they can criticise their child for not being the same. It is then not going to be a surprise for their child to feel deeply inadequate. What Going On? In order for a parent to treat their child in this way, it is only too clear that something isn’t right. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is someone who doesn’t really want their child; it is nothing more than a burden to them. When someone demonises their own child and idolises other children, it is likely to show that they are projecting their inner world onto their outer world. The parts of themselves that they have disconnected from are then displaced onto their child. Unaware But as they are out of touch with the fact that they hate themselves, it stops them from being able to see what is taking place. Their child, the person who is simply carrying their issues, is then seen as the one with the issues. And as their child is seen in this way, it is going to stop them from being able to respond to them in a positive manner. The parts of themselves that they have not yet realized are then seen in other people’s children. Awareness When a parent behaves in this way, it is highly likely that they were also abused as a child. The past is then being repeated all over again, and this is likely to show that they lack self-awareness, amongst other things. If one was abused when they were younger, it doesn’t mean that they are worthless; it just shows that they were brought up by someone who had issues. The assistance of a therapist or a healer can allow one to get in touch with their inherent value and to heal themselves.
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There are a number of things that will make it easier for one to live a fulfilling life, and having boundaries is one them. It will then be possible for one to be able to stand up for themselves and to be around the right people.
Protection One is then not just going to be able to spend time around the right people; they will be able to keep the wrong people out of their life. Therefore, when one can stand their ground, it will allow them to take care of a number of different needs. There will be no reason for them to spend time around people who will put their life under threat. And through being able to keep these people at bay, one will be able to spend time with people who will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. True-Self Not only this, there will be no need for one to always wear a mask; they will be able to express who they are. Through having boundaries, one will feel safe enough to be themselves. One will feel safe in their own body, and this is what will enable them to pay attention to their own needs and feelings. They will be physically separate from others and they will have their own life. Another Part When one experiences life in this way, it is also likely to show that they value themselves. Their needs and feelings are going to be important, and this is then another reason why they are able to listen to what is taking place within them. And through having an empowering self-image, they would end up feeling uncomfortable if they were to spend time with people who treat them badly. There would be no need for them to tolerate this kind of behaviour. Positive Feedback The feedback that the people in their life give them will validate how they see themselves. What one believes about themselves is then being mirrored back to them by the people who they are close to. This might be how one’s life has been for as long as they can remember, or there may have been a time when it was different. During this time, one may have had people around them who treated them badly. A New Beginning They may then have been a point in their life when they said that enough was enough, and this would have caused them to gradually change their behaviour. This is not to say that they did it all by themselves, but they would have taken the first step. Part of them would have been uncomfortable with what was taking place, and this part would then have pushed them forward. The parts of them that were not on board with this part would have gradually changed. Many Different Parts What this comes down to is that even though it might sound accurate to say that a healthy human being only has one voice within them, this is not the case. If anything, a healthy human being is someone who is able to acknowledge each part of their inner world and each of these parts will work together. This doesn’t mean that each part can’t be changed, as it might be necessary to heal certain parts. Yet, When these parts are fighting each other and one is not aware of what is going on, it can cause them to suffer. The Observer In order for one to realise that there are different aspects within them, they will need to be able to observe what is taking place. If one gets caught up with what is going on within them, they won’t be able to change their life. If one was in a position where they were unable to stand their ground and to pay attention to their needs and feelings, it is likely to show they were able to detach from the part or the parts that felt comfortable with being treated badly. On the other hand, if one is still experiencing life in this way, it is likely to show that they haven’t been able to do so. Inner Conflict Consequently, one is not going to have the ability to step back from what is taking place and to observe their inner world. What is taking place within them will be defining their life and they will be nothing more than a slave. Still, if one was able to take a step back and to observe what is taking place, they may find that part of them feels as though they deserve to be treated badly. If they were to stay with this process, they could find that they hate themselves. A Parasite Perhaps this part has been there for most of their life, and it will then be normal for one to have identified with it. How this part feels and the words that are produced by it will then be seen as being the truth. If one was to get in touch with what took place when they younger, they may find that this was when they first started to experience life in this way. It is then not that they are worthless; it is that the people around them treated them in this way. Introjection Through being abused and/or neglected, one would have come to believe that they are inherently worthless. It would have been better if they didn’t take it personally, but this would have been a way for them to survive. If, on the other hand, they were to see that their caregiver was the one with the problem, it would have been too much for them to handle. This would have caused them to feel completely powerless; whereas through believing that they were the one with the problem, it would have caused them to believe that they could do something about it. Awareness But as one wasn’t the reason why their caregiver was abusive in the first place, there wouldn’t have been anything that they could do to change their behaviour. Regardless of how they were treated, it doesn’t have anything to do with them. Nevertheless, if one is carrying trauma and has negative beliefs, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace their inherent value. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While one can see other people as being on the same level as they are, they can also see them as being on another level. When this happens it is not going to matter that someone is simply another human being, as they will be seen as being far more.
Two Levels One is then going to be on the ground and the people they come into contact with will be high in the clouds. Ultimately, these people will be seen as being more-than human, and one will see themselves as being-less-than human. So although these people are also human beings, it is going to be a challenge for one to connect to them. Based on how they experience life, it is going to be as if the people around them are from another planet. Another Experience Alternatively, one may have the tendency to put certain people on a pedestal, and this is then not going to affect their whole life. This could mean that one will look up to their boss or they might look up to certain celebrities. What will also have a big effect on their life is if they are this way with their friends and their partner, if they have one. Regardless of what they talk about, these people could be seen as knowing far more than they do. Superior If one was to take a step back when they are with one of these people, they may find that they feel like a child. This is then going to be a child that is looking up to his/her parent, and there will be a clear difference in their stature. What this will illustrate is that one will look like an adult, but they won’t see themselves as one. However, while taking a step back would allow them to see what is taking place, this might not happen. Life Goes On Instead, one is likely to continue to perceive people in this way, and this is going to stop them from being able to have balanced relationships with the people in their life. When one is in their company, they might feel the need to do what they can to please them. This is then going to be a way for one to compensate for the fact that they believe that they are not as valuable as them. Even so, this is not going to allow one to permanently change how they see themselves; it will just give them the opportunity to be around someone who they believe is so much better than they are. Tunnel Vision When one begins a new relationship, it is not going to be possible for them to see that the other person is not perfect. Their mind will filter out anything that goes against the idealised image that they have created. Consequently, the idea they have formed of this person is not going to match up with who they are. In the beginning, the other person could enjoy being treated in this way, but as time passes it could be too much for them to handle. Extreme Pressure This is not to say that their conscious mind will realise what is taking place; this could be something that they are aware of at a deeper level. Either way, this person could feel as though they need to maintain a certain image. And if they were to fail to live up to this image, one could end up rejecting and/or abandoning them. Yet, no matter how hard they try to live up to this image, there will come a time when it comes crashing down. A Big Difference When this happens, one could end up turning their back on this person, and they could act as though they have been deceived. Therefore, even though they are the ones who elevated their partner, they will act as though they were being taken advantage of. At one point, one will have seen this person as being from another world, and at another, they will see them as having no value whatsoever. The other person could find it hard to get their head around how different one is. Two Options What this is likely to show is that one has the inclination to see life as being either black or white. Another person is going to be completely perfect, or they will be completely flawed; there will be no middle ground. This is a very childlike way of seeing things, and it can show that one’s emotional brain is not working with their thinking brain. The emotional part of them will have taken over and this is going to stop them from being able to think clearly. A Deeper Look In addition to this, there is a strong chance that one feels worthless, and this is then why they put people on a pedestal. Therefore, the reason they see certain people as being above them or below them, is because this is how they see themselves. At one moment, one could feel less-than others and, at another, they could feel more-than others. Their outer life is then just as unstable as their inner life; what is taking place externally is mirroring what is taking place internally. Early Years What this could show is that one’s younger years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. This would have caused them to believe that they are inherently worthless. When one puts another person on a pedestal, it allows them to rise up, and this will take place through identifying with the person who they have projected their undeveloped parts onto. And then when they see that the other person is not perfect, it will remind them of the parts of themselves that they have been avoiding. Awareness The ideal will be for one to realise what is taking place and then to heal themselves. Once this takes place, they will be able to accept the fact that everyone has a combination of good and bad traits. Yet, if they don’t change what is taking place within them, they will continue to play out the same dramas. The people in their life will be cast aside when they no longer match up with the perfect image that one has created. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to go into a populated area in the west and to ask a number of people if they are religious, they may find that a common theme begins to appear. This could be a time when they will that see that not many people believe in or worship a god or a number of gods.
A Strange Reaction There is also the chance that a number of the people who were asked found it strange to even be asked this question. It would then have been clear that this is not something that remotely interests them. If one pushed further and asked them why this is, they may have heard that it is because they have more important things to focus on. A number of these people may spend a lot of time using their Smartphone, for instance. Other Priorities Along with the amount of time that some of them spend using a device, there will be other things that take their time. There can be the time they spend at work, and with their friends and family. What is clear is that it is not difficult for someone to find something to do in today’s world. It could be said that there is no reason for one to be bored; that is unless they are at work, or if they have become over stimulated. Too Much When one has been exposed to so much stimulation, and this has happened for a certain period of time, it is going to be a lot harder for them to be stimulated. Their brain will have adapted and they will need even more stimulation in order to be stimulated. This is then similar to how a drug addict will need to continually take more to achieve the same high. The law of diminishing returns as at work here and this is a game that can’t be won. A Number of Options And when one uses their Smartphone, there are going to be plenty of things that they can do. One of the things that they are likely to use the most is social media, and this will allow them to stay up to date with their ‘friends’ and family. Here, one might share practically their whole life online, or they might only share certain things. In addition to this, they may just use one of these sites, or they might have a number of different sites that they use. A Different Level of Exposure When one doesn’t share a lot online, it can show that they don’t have a strong need for attention. They might prefer to send a private message, or to speak to someone over the phone or in person. On the other hand, when one does share a lot online, it can show that they have a strong need for attention. It might be hard for them to keep things to themselves, and it is then going to be easy for their ‘friends’ and family to find out about what they have been doing. Effortless What can’t be denied is that social media has made it extremely easy for someone to receive attention. There is no need for them to achieve anything significant; the only thing they need to do is to upload a video or a picture of themselves, for instance. And if one is physically attractive, they can end up being treated as though they are some kind of celebrity. Once they have shared a picture of their face or even their body, the ‘likes’ and comments are likely to come flooding in. One Step Further Due to the effect this has on how they feel, one could share a picture everyday or a few times a week. When it comes to the amount of positive feedback they receive, it is partly going to depend on how many ‘friends’ and/or ‘followers’ they have. So, regardless of what their profession is, one can end up having their own followers. These people will ‘like’ what they share and they can tell them how special they are, amongst other things. Another Angle Thus, even if one didn’t set out to do this, they will have created their own area where people can worship them. Some of these people will be religious and some wont, but they are still going to be treating them as though they are some kind of god. If one was to realise this, it might make them feel uncomfortable, or it could be something that has a positive effect on them. When it relates to the former, it could cause one to take a step back and to reflect on if they want to carry on doing the same thing. A Business At the same time, if sharing their life in this way is part of their business and not just a way for them to receive attention, they might carry on doing the same thing. In this case, they don’t have the desire to be worshipped; it is simply a by-product of what they are doing. When it relates to the latter, it could show that one is completely out of touch with their true-self. One can then see themselves as being better than others, and it will then be seen as normal for other people to put them on a pedestal. The Other Side Alternatively, one could be in a position where they worship a number of people on social media. They might visit their page a few times each day to give themselves a mental and emotional boost. When it comes to the people who they look up to (or down to their Smartphone to), one could believe that they are superior to them. No matter what they say or do, it might not have an effect on the idealised image they have created of them. Conclusion What this emphasises is that even if one says they are not religious; it doesn’t mean that they are not worshipping something or someone else instead. There could be something else in their life that binds them. One could say that the people who look up to a god are not very bright, but this could be coming from someone who looks up to a sports team or a celebrity, for instance. It could then be said that one is deluding themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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