If one was to think about what the propose of the media is, they may start to think about how it is there to inform people about what is taking place around them and in the world at large. Based on this outlook, it will be normal for them to look towards the media in order to be informed.
In the past, one would have needed to have watched the news on TV or to have read a paper for this to take place, but this is no longer the case. Nowadays, the only thing one needs to do is to use their Smartphone and to go onto the internet. The Mainstream Media It is then possible for them to find information from certain websites that represent the mainstream media, or they can look towards websites that represent what is often classed as the ‘alternative media’. This has given one far more choice than they ever had before. One may feel drawn to the mainstream media and leave the ‘alternative media’ to one side. This is not to say they will know why this is, and it could just be because this is what they have always done. Habit It then might not matter if what they are being exposed to is the ‘truth’ or not; what it can come down to is that they trust the mainstream media. Through being exposed to this source of information for so long, it can end up being what is familiar, and a deeper level, what is familiar is classed as what is safe. Their body then feels safe and this can then mean that the rest of their faculties are no longer in use. Their neo cortex, the part of them that will question what is taking place, can then be out of action and they are then likely to accept everything they hear. Fear Whether the mainstream media is being consumed through reading something or through watching something, there is a strong chance that one will experience fear. This is what hooks people in, and when someone is overwhelmed by fear, it is not going to be possible for them to think properly. Now, it is clear to see that certain stories are going to cause someone to feel fearful, however, there is more to this. What it comes down to is that the mainstream media is no longer there to inform people about what is actually taking place; it is there for other reasons. Times Have Changed In today’s world, it could be said that it is more about controlling how people think and having high ratings that it is about reporting the facts. Telling people what is truly taking place in the world is not going to lead to this outcome. This is why people need to be told what to think and not how to think; if they were told how to think, it would give them the chance to question what they hear. For example, if one wanted to keep people trapped in a hole, they wouldn’t throw a rope down to them. Alternative Media While there are people who are only too willing to go along with this, there are others who are unable to do so. Being a passive observe of what is supposedly taking place in the world is not enough for them and this shows their critical abilities are being utilised. And perhaps it’s because of people like this that there is something known as ‘alternative media’. Unlike the mainstream media, they are unlikely to have the intention to control what people think, and while they may want to improve their ratings, this is not going to cause them to deceive people. Divide and Conquer Human beings are stronger together than they are apart and this is something that comes across in the saying ‘united we stand, divided we fall’. When people work together, they are likely to achieve more and they will be less likely to harm one another, among other things. Therefore, in order to control people, it will be important to divide them. Through doing this, they will end up fighting each other as opposed to supporting each other. One Way This can happen through putting one gender against the other and/or through putting one race/nationality against another. They will be seen as the ‘enemy’ and it then won’t matter that the people they see as the problem are their fellow human beings. If this was to take place directly, it would be too obvious, and that’s why it generally happens indirectly. These distractions then stop people from realising what the real problems are and this stops real change from taking place. Examples When a country is struggling financially, they might focus on people who are coming over from other countries. Through doing this, other nationalities can end up being seen as the reason why there are problems. Another way is to only cover stories where one gender is acting destructively, and to overlook moments where the opposite gender is also acting in the same way. This can then create tension between the sexes. Intolerance After being exposed to these stories, one can find that they start to feel uncomfortable around certain nationalities or around the opposite sex, for instance. The reason they are having this experience is not because they have taken the time to reflect on what they have been told; it is just the result of the conditioning they have received through the mainstream media. In this case, the mainstream media is their brain and they just do as they are told, and this means that they don’t need to think. It is then not going to be possible for them to see people through their own eyes; they will see them through the eyes of the mainstream media. Conclusion Their brain has been conditioned to see in a certain way and it won’t matter how good their eyes are, and this is because one’s brain has a greater impact on what they see than their eyes. All the time people are fighting among themselves, it will allow the people behind the scenes to carry on with their agenda. If the colour of people’s skin is to put to one side, along with their gender, their religion, their sexuality and the place of their birth, what becomes clear is that they are human beings. And all the time this is overlooked, the easier it will be to harm one another.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
0 Comments
To be human means that one not only has the ability to think and to feel, they also have the ability observe their own thoughts and feelings. Therefore, it is possible for them to experience life on one hand and to observe life on the other.
When it comes to observing one’s outer experience, they are going to use their eyes, but when it comes to their inner experience, they will use their mind. In most cases, one is born with the ability to observe what is taking place in the outside world This means that they won’t need to develop this ability; they only need to sit back and watch what is taking place. However, when it comes to observing what is taking place on the inside, this is something that one may have to develop. Experiences As one’s ability to observe what is taking place externally depends on their eyes, it will be important for their eyes to be in good condition. If their eyes were to be injured in any way, it might affect their ability to observe the external world. Similarly, in order for one to observe their inner world, it will be important for their mind to function in a certain way. For example, if their mind was disconnected from their body or out of control, it is going to make it harder for them to observe their inner world. Causes So what happens in the physical world can affect one’s ability to see clearly without and what happens internally can affect one’s ability to see clearly within. Having said that, what happens internally can affect one’s ability to see clearly and what happens externally is also going to affect their ability to see clearly on the inside. It is clear that one’s eyes allow them to see and if they don’t want to see something, this can end up having an impact on their ability to see. And if one is experiencing something that is painful, it can cause them to disconnect from their body in order to avoid the pain, and this is going to affect their ability to know what is taking place within them. Inner Work A gardener knows that a garden needs to be looked after or else it will end up being out of control. Through doing the work that needs to be done, it will be possible for them to not only see all areas of the garden; they will also be able to use all areas. And in order for one to be able to be in touch with their inner world, they will also need to look after it. If pain starts to build-up and this pushes them out of their body, they are not going to be aware of what is taking place, and this means they won’t be able to use their inner world. Why Bother? One will avoid what is taking place within them because it feels better and as this is the case, they might wonder why they would want to get back in touch with themselves. When one is in their body and aware of what is taking place within them, it will make it easier for them to live the kind of life they want to live, for one thing. This is because it will give them the chance to find out why they behave as they do, why they are attracted to certain people and why they see the world as they do, among other things. Without this awareness, it can be normal for them to look outside for the reasons why things happen and they might even feel like a victim. Pain Even though someone is in touch with themselves, it doesn’t mean they have always been this way. This may be a sign that they have worked through their pain and this then allowed them to experience self-awareness. There are then going to be others who have experienced pain and haven’t faced what is within them. This could be because they have experienced something extremely traumatic and they haven’t felt safe enough to face how they feel. Toxic Shame When one experiences toxic shame, they can end up leaving their body and developing all kinds of defences in order to keep the pain at bay. What this shows is how painful toxic shame is, and this is something one can experience through being abused and/or neglected. If one doesn’t disconnect form this experience, they can end up being overwhelmed by what is taking place within them, and this is going to cause them to feel less-than human, Whereas, if they disconnect from their shame, they are going to feel as though they are more-than human. The Benefit Although feeling more-than human will allow one to stop themselves from feeling low all the time, it will mean they have to disconnect from their feelings in the process. Feeling less-than human will mean that one is aware of how they feel, but it is also going to cause them to feel completely worthless. One’s need to feel better is likely to take precedence and this means they are not going to think about whether this will cause them to lose touch with what is taking place within them. And if they experienced toxic shame in their early years, this might have been the only option they had. Time Passes When one disconnects from their toxic shame, it will also mean they are out of touch with their healthy shame, and this can then cause them to become shameless and to see everyone else as the problem. What happens in their life can then be seen as having nothing to do with them. And unless they are willing to get in touch with what is going on within them, it is not going to be possible for them to see how their inner world is influencing their outer world. Their point of focus will be on what other people are doing and not on the part they are playing in what is taking place. Awareness If one can relate to this and wants to get back in touch with themselves, it will be important for them to heal the pain that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, trusted friend and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Survival: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up Believe That The Purpose Of Life Is To Survive?18/8/2015
There are going to be some people who believe that life is matter of survival and then there are going to be others who believe there is more to life than simply surviving. And because they see life differently, there is a strong chance that they are going to experience life differently.
However, this can all depend on if their views match up with their reality. One may believe that there is more to life than surviving and at the same time, this doesn’t mean their life matches up with the outlook they have. Conflict When this happens, they are going to end up experiencing conflict and it will be harder for them to settle for how their life is. Whereas, if one didn’t expect more from life it is still going to create pain, but it will be what they have come to accept. Simply existing is not going to be enough for them, and this is going to give them the motivation they need to change their current life circumstances. This doesn’t mean their life will change overnight, but there is the chance that it will change over time. Examples If one was to go into a populated area, they are going to see examples of people who are thriving and people who are simply surviving. One may come across people who live on the street and people who are driving in expensive cars into expensive houses, for instance. Materialism Now, this is not to say that this is all about how well off someone is in a material sense, but this is going to be a big part of it. This is also something that relates to how one feels about themselves and the world, and how healthy their relationships are, for instance. When one can support themselves financially, it is going to make it a lot easier for them to thrive on this planet. If they are in a position where they rarely, if ever, have any money, it is likely to be a challenge for them to live well. Dependent However, if they only earn a certain amount, it could still mean that they are unable to thrive. They could be in a position where they are only earning enough to make ends meet and each day could be a struggle. On the other hand, one might not be able to earn money and this is likely to mean that they are dependent on others for their survival. When this happens, one is not going to feel as though they have much control over their life. A Struggle They may say that life is not something you enjoy, it is something you endure. This may mean that they are drawn to things that allow them to experience life differently for a short while, such as: alcohol and drugs. And even though one may rise up, it is not going to be long until they are back where they started, and because they have experienced life differently, it is going to be even harder for them to live in the same way. Yet, all the time they experience life in the same way; it can be a challenge for them to cut back on (or avoid) these options. Thriving When someone is not simply surviving, they are likely to be in a position where they are no longer thinking about if they have enough money or is it safe for them to be themselves. As a result of this, it will be possible for them to live a live a life of purpose. The needs of their body are being fulfilled and they can then fulfil the needs of their heart and mind, and even their soul. This doesn’t mean their life is easy or that everything goes to plan, but it will mean that they will be able to fulfil their ‘higher’ needs, so to speak. A Different Experience The person who is thriving is having a radically different experience the person who is simply surviving. Based on what is taking place, it could be said that one person is luckier than the other, and that this is why they are having a different experience on this earth. If one is thriving, it could be because they were brought into the world by a family who were also thriving, and if one is surviving, it could be because their caregivers were also surviving. And while this could be true, there are also going to be people who started off surviving and then end up thriving and vice versa. Early Experiences What happens during one’s early years is going to play a big part in how they experience life as an adult. There will also be how one responds to what happens, and this shows it is not something that is black and white. If someone is thriving, it shows that their needs are being met, whereas if they are surviving, it shows that the majority of their needs are not being met. And the first person one looked towards to fulfil their needs is likely to have been their primary caregiver. Attunement How their caregivers responded to their developmental needs can play a big part in how other people respond to their needs in their adult life. This is because these experiences can define whether one feels comfortable or uncomfortable with their needs. If their caregivers responded to their needs, one would have learned that it was safe for them to have needs, and they would expect to have their needs met. However, if their caregivers didn’t respond to their needs, one would have learned that it wasn’t safe for them to have needs, and this would then set them up to believe that other people won’t meet their needs. Repeating The Past Without the attunement they needed to develop, these early years would have been a time of pain and suffering. Therefore, if one is ‘surviving’ as an adult, it can be seen as a reflection of how they experienced life as a child. Yet, even though what is taking place in their adult life is a reflection of their younger years, it doesn’t mean they realise this. It might just been seen as ‘how life is’, and this will mean that they have not been able to step back and observe their life. Two Options So as their needs were rarely, if ever met, it can set them up to feel powerless when it comes to getting their needs met, and at the same time, being in this position can be what feels safe. The pain they experienced through not getting their needs met all those years ago may have stayed within them and this is going add to the pain they are experiencing through not having their adult needs met. One may find that they have moments where they either act as though they don’t need anything or they act needy, and how they behave can depend on how they feel and who they are with. Their early years conditioned them to believe that their needs are not acceptable and this would have set them up to feel ashamed of their needs. Awareness If this is something that one can relate to, it will be important for them to look at what is taking place in their head and in their body. They may need to change their beliefs and to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone was asked what the meaning of life was, they may say that it is to be happy. And as human beings are programmed to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, it is not going to be much of a surprise to hear this.
When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and this experience is going to be pleasurable. What makes one person happy is not necessarily going to make another happy; however, this is not going to be the only difference. Two Ways On one side, there is sensation based happiness, and on the other side, there is meaning based happiness. One could believe that the way for them to be happy is to seek certain experiences that will make them feel good. Or they could opt for the other approach and do what they can to live a life of meaning in order to be happy. It is not going to be hard for one to find things that make them feel good, but the same can’t be said when it comes to finding things that will give them more than just a momentary high. Sensation If one was to take the first option, they may end up having a ‘life fast, die young’ mentality. They may do everything they can to travel and engage in extreme sports, for instance. This could even cause them to take drugs, drink, and have sex and anything else that will give them an instant high. What they do to feel good can all depend on the kind of upbringing they had, the kind of people they surround themselves with and what is readily available in the society they life. Burn Out In the beginning, they may feel as though they have found what they are looking for. However, as time passes, there is a strong chance that they will end up where they started. What allowed them to feel good at one point in their life might not be enough to make them feel good at another, or they might need more in order to experience the same high. One can then end up feeling burnt-out, and while they may reflect on what is taking place and then do something else, they might just end up doing the same thing. Meaning Alternatively, one could take the second option, and this may mean that they are not looking to feel good all the time. This is because they are looking to feel happy as a result of the kind of life they lead and their expectations could be seen as being more realistic. Having said that, they may want to live a life where they are always happy and their expectations are then no different to the person who believes happiness occurs through having pleasurable experiences. In this case, it is not going to be long until they end up disappointed, and they could then look for something else. Persistence If they stay with this option and do what fulfils them at a deeper level, they may find that the happiness they experience is worth the effort. Yet even if they are not happy, it might not be an experience that consumes them, and this could be because they are doing something that matches up with their values. They are on track and this is enables them to handle those moments where they don’t feel happy. In fact, the moments they have where they don’t feel happy may allow them to have a greater appreciation for when they do feel happy. Happiness So while being happy is often seen as the purpose of one’s life, it could be said that there is more to life than being happy, and not only that, it is not going to be possible to be happy all the time. It would be more realistic for one to live a life of meaning and for them to be happy through living a purposeful existence. In addition to these moments, they are also likely to have moments where they experience sensation based happiness. And because their life is already meaningful, there will be less chance of them getting caught up in sensation based happiness. Do What Makes You Happy If one was told to do what makes them happy, they may come to the conclusion that the purpose of life is to be happy. However, this can all depend on what the context is, and this is why this is not black and white. For instance, if one’s career is not fulfilling or they are in a relationship with someone who they are no longer attracted to and they hear this saying, it may encourage them to do something that is fulfilling or to leave the relationship. In this case, this saying could be classed as ‘positive’. Alternatively On the other hand, there is also the chance that someone could act irresponsibly after hearing this saying. They may hear this and come to believe that they should never be unhappy. And this may mean that they are unable to delay gratification and that it is not possible for them to think about how their actions might affect others. As a result of this, experiencing pain to achieve something greater down the line is not going to be on their mind and it may stop them from being able to empathise with others. Consequences Another way of looking at this would be to say before one does what makes them happy, it would be a good idea for them to think about what the consequences might be. This will then give them to chance to see whether doing what makes them happy will actually make them happier in the long run. While they may have the desire to take action straight away, this might not be the best approach to take. At an emotion level, they may believe it is the best decision, but if they were to think about it for a while, this may change.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Even though a woman wants to be in an intimate relationship, it doesn’t mean that this takes place. However, while there will be some women who realise that this is because they fear intimacy, there are going to be others who are unaware of why they are unable to experience it.
In the first case, they may believe that it is because of what is taking place within them, and in the other case, they may believe that it’s because of what is taking place externally. If they believe that is relates to what is taking place within them, it is likely to be more empowering than if they were to believe it is because of what is taking place externally. Hopeless However, if these two scenarios are put to one side for the time being, it is going to be incredibly frustrating to live life in this way, and they are likely to end up feeling hopeless. On one side, they have the need to be intimate, and on the other, this need is not being fulfilled. This doesn’t mean they won’t have close friends or have moments when they do experience intimacy with the sex that they are sexually attracted to. But what it is likely to mean is that this is not going to be an experience that is going to last and the intimacy that they experience with their friends is not going to be enough. Unavailable If one is aware of their fear of intimacy, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they attract someone who is unavailable. They will know that they are a reflection of them, and there is then going to be less chance of them blaming the other person. When one is not aware of their fear of intimacy, it can be even harder for them to handle another person who is unavailable. This can then be taken as another sign that they are never going to have what they need and they can feel as though the world is against them. Available Yet, this is not to say that they won’t attract people who are available; but when this happens, there are going to be other reasons why they are not ‘compatible’. They may say that they are not their type or they may meet them whilst they are on holiday, for instance. In this case, they are a good match but they live too far away, and while they may be happy to travel to see them, it is not going to match up with what they need. Having said that, there is also the chance that the distance is not a problem and this may be what feels comfortable, at least for a while. Short-Lived As they look back on their life, they may see that they have been in a number of intimate relationships. If they take a closer look, they may see that these relationships lasted for a certain amount of time and there may have been a pattern when it comes to why they came to an end. Perhaps they felt as though the other person wasn’t a suitable or that they changed their mind and no longer wanted to settle down. The other person may have started to pull away just as their relationship was starting to go in the right direction. Dating Through being in an intimate relationship and having what they say they want, they may find it hard to understand why part of them wants to go with others. In the beginning, they say they want one thing, and after getting what they want, they say they want the complete opposite. This doesn’t mean they will leave the relationships though, as it could cause them to hold onto their relationship and to go with others at the same time. When this happens, their need to expedience security is being fulfilled on the one side and their need to experience ‘freedom’ is being fulfilled on the other. The Story There is takes place in the external world and there is what occurs in one’s mind and the feelings they experience in their body. Each of these factors is often seen as what makes up the story of one’s life. The reason the word ‘story’ is used is because one’s life is not fixed; it doesn’t have to be the way it is. Yet, in order for one’s life to change, it will be important for them to change. A Deeper Level So whether one is aware of their fear of intimacy or not, there is going to be a reason why they stop themselves from experiencing it. At a deeper level, they are not going to feel safe with intimacy, and until they feel that it is safe for them to experience intimacy, they are not going to allow themselves to truly experience it. There is likely to have been a time in their life where their boundaries were not respected and this would have caused them to be smothered, and if they were not smothered, they may have been neglected and this would have caused them to feel abandoned. As a result of this, getting close to another person will be seen as something that will cause them to lose themselves or for their life to end. The Years Go By This is something they may have experienced during their beginning of their life and although the years may have passed, it is still defining their life. Intellectually, they might not remember what happened, but their body still remembers and this is all that matters. Childhood What they were aware of during their childhood years may have become what they have no awareness of during their adult years. During this time, being smothered would have been overwhelming, and as one couldn’t protect themselves they may have felt as though they were being annihilated. Being abandoned at this time would have felt as though one was going to die, and this is because they would have had the ability to regulate their emotions. Through having these kinds of experiences, it is going to be normal for them to fear intimacy. Awareness To move beyond this challenge, it will be important for one to look at what is taking place within them and let go of the past that has remained within them. This may involve changing beliefs and mourning unmet childhood needs, among other things. The assistance of a therapist and/or some kind of support group may be needed here. What matters here is that one reaches out for support and doesn’t suffer in silence.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When some people lose a loved one, they may think that that’s the end of it and that it’s not possible for them to talk to them again. In this case, they will have to rely on their memories and the memories other people have.
There are then going to be others to believe this is not the case, and that it is possible for them to talk to the person who has passed on. They are then going to try to contact their loved one who has passed on. Many Ways This could take place through them working with someone who has the ability to connect to people who have passed on or one try to do this by themselves. If they reach out to someone else, they may have a one-to-one reading or they may be part of a group of people who are in a similar position. One’s loved one is then going to speak through the world of spirit or the afterlife and one will be able to have some kind of dialogue with the person who has passed on. There is also the chance that they will try to contact a number of people who have passed. Extreme Pain When one looses someone, they can end up experiencing extreme pain, and it might not matter if how close they were. What it comes down to is that the other person was in their life and now they are gone. The loss that they experience will cause them to experience grief, and they may feel as though their heart has been broken. Their life has changed and it is never going to be the same again. Support As a result of what is taking place for them, it is going to be normal for them to need support from others. The strength they may usually feel is not going to be there and there will be a greater need for external support. One way this can happen is through being around other friends and family, for instance, and it can also happen through being around others who are in a similar position. Therefore, going to a place where other people are also looking to contact the someone they have lost is a way for one to feel supported. Interdependent Human beings are interdependent and this means that they always need others, and when one experiences loss, they are going to have the need to be around others who understand what they are going through. This is unlikely to be a time where one will want to be told to ‘get over how they feel’ or to simply move on. So if one was to try and contact someone who has passed on through having a one-to-one reading, for instance, it is going to be a different to the experience they would have through being in a group of people. However, while some people may be happy to be in a group of people, there may be others who may find that this is too much and they may prefer to work with one person. Reassurance There is the support that they will receive through being around other people and then there is the reassurance that they will receive through contacting their loved ones. They may find out that the person who has passed on is doing fine and that they don’t need to worry. What they hear can all depend on why someone passed on and how one has been affected by what has taken place. They may be told that they need to carry on with their life and to ‘let go’, among other things. In The Beginning If one has just lost someone, they may feel the need to speak to them on a regular basis, and then as time passes, this might not be the case. This is not to say that they won’t need support, but their need for reassurance may start to diminish. This may be because they have been mourning the grief that is within them, and as a result of this, the pain has started to subside and this has then made it easier for them to let go. Facing the Pain It will be vital for one to cry out the pain that is within them in order for them to not only to let go, but to find meaning once again. There is no set time for how long this process will take, and this is why one has to go with how they feel. Yet, even though it is important for one to cry out the pain that is within them, it doesn’t mean that this will take place. And as a way for one to avoid the pain that is within them, their mind can end up holding on and looking outside for answers. After Death Communication When this happens, contacting a loved one who has passed on can end up being a way for them to avoid the grief that is within them. In the early stages this might not be a problem, but if they continue to avoid their pain there is a strong chance that they won’t be able to let go or to find meaning once more. This doesn’t mean that one is aware of what is taking place, as they are likely to be doing the best they can. Ultimately, they are in pain and they are looking for a way to feel better. Mourning It is human nature to avoid pain, but when it comes to letting go of the grief that one experiences as a result of losing someone, it will be important for them to face how they feel. This is because the only way to let go of this pain is to go through it. One needs to surrender to the pain that is within them; it is not possible to let go of this pain through force or through changing how one thinks. This is often more about what is taking place in the body than it is about what is taking place in the mind. Awareness If one finds that it is not possible for them to face how they feel, it will be important for them to reach out for support. Through this external support, they will find it easier to face how they feel. This support can come from a therapist, trusted friend and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to ask a group of people who have been on this planet for over thirty years and another group who have been here for less than twenty years what their definition of friendship is, the feedback they receive might end up being completely different. This could be put down to fact that people are largely a product of the society they live in, and as the society one lives in is not static, it is to be expected that the meaning of friendship will change.
However, while there will be a difference, there are also going to be people who are under twenty who have the same meaning as people who are over thirty. What this shows is that not everyone goes with the social current. Two Sides And just because someone has been around for thirty years, it doesn’t mean their definition of friendship is ‘good, and that the people who have been around for less than twenty years have a definition that is ‘bad’. No matter what is taking place externally, there are always people whose definition could fall into either category. Therefore, it would be inaccurate to say that people were a certain way and now everything has changed. A Big Factor Yet, while there has always been exceptions when it comes to what someone’s definition of friendship is, there has been one factor that has made it even more likely that more and more people will have the same meaning. Even though this factor is likely to have a greater effect on people who are under a certain age, it can still affect people of all ages. The reason for this is that people of all ages can be influenced by it. Social Media What is having a massive influence on one’s definition of friendship is social media, and as people of all ages use social media, it doesn’t matter when they were born. Through using these sites, the meaning one had can gradually disappear and be replaced with something completely different. However, if one has been brought up on social media, it could be said that there is a greater chance of their meaning being defined by it. At the same time, human beings have the ability to adapt, and this is why no one is immune to its effects. Staying In Touch That is unless they don’t use social media, and even then, they are still going to be influenced by the people around them who do use it. As a result of people around them using it, they may experience pressure and end up getting involved. Social media allows people to stay in touch with their friends and family, for instance, and it no longer matters where in the world they live. This has got to be one of the biggest benefits, and as people are busier than ever before, this makes their life easier. Real Friends When this happens, it could be said that social media is not going to have a big effect on the meaning one has of friendship. The people they generally speak to will be the ones they meet in person and if this is not possible, it could be because they live in another country. However, this is not going to be the case for everyone, and this can mean that they not only have a few hundred ‘friends’, they may have thousands of ‘friends’. This can include people they have met once, to people they know through having a mutual friend and even those people they went to school with many years ago. Virtual Friends Each of these people are then what allow one to have hundreds or thousands of ‘friends’, but the only relationship they have with most of these people could be a virtual relationship. This means that there is not going to be any face-to-face contact and if they were to see them in real life, they might end up walking straight passed them. The majority of them are just going to be another number, and if one was to go over their friends, they may wonder who someone is. Based on what it can mean to be ‘friends’ with someone on social media, it could be said that a friend is just a word that one uses for the names they have accumulated online. Fast Food When one eats fast food, they may think it tastes good and they may believe that they are getting what they need, but there is also the chance that they will soon feel hungry, and if they were to only eat fast food, their health is likely to suffer. One way of looking at fast food would then be to say that it creates the illusion that one will be getting what they need. The same could be said in regards to social media, and this is because there is so much more to a friend that someone one talks to over a screen. So just like one needs real food in order to live a fulfilling life, they also need real friends. Face-To-Face Contact In today’s world, it is not uncommon for one to describe themselves as independent, and while on some level this may be true, it is not inherently true. This is because human beings are interdependent. Through the use of technology, for instance, it has allowed people to be more ‘independent’, and this has set them up to experience more isolation than ever before. There is less face-to-face contact and more time is spent looking at a screen. Conclusion Now, if human beings were truly ‘independent’ it wouldn’t matter, but as they need each other, this is only going to have a negative effect on them. Less human contact can end up affecting them mentally, emotionally and physically. The experience one has when they meet up with a real friend in person is going to be far more fulfilling than the experience of talking to a ‘friend’ over a screen. They will have physical contact for one thing, and they will also regulate each other’s nervous system and there will also be the chance for them to experience real intimacy, among other things.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If it wasn’t for one’s bones, muscles and joints, it would be possible for them to do anything. Through the support that each of these provides, it is possible for one to move their body.
However, even though one feels physically supported, it doesn’t mean they will feel supported when it comes to the rest of their life. And if they don’t feel supported in life, there is also the chance that it will have an impact on how supported they feel at a physical level. Both Ways It can also work the other way; with how supported one feels at a physical level having an effect on how much support they receive in the external world. In this case, what is taking place externally is effecting what is taking place internally and what is taking place internally is effecting what is taking place externally. One approach would be to focus primarily on the external world, and for one to do what they can to feel supported; however, there is only so much they can do. Another approach would be to primarily focus on what is taking place within them and to make sure they feel supported there. Greater Control When they do this, they will have far greater control than if they were to simply focus on the external world. Through the changes that they make on the inside, what takes place on the outside will gradually begin to alter. Trying to change how one feels on the inside through changing what is taking place on the outside is going to take a lot of effort, and even if one does see results, these results are likely to be short-lived. They can then come to believe that their life is changing, but this can be nothing more than an illusion. Examples One way this can take place is through one meeting someone who supports them in some way, and while this may allow them to live a better life, it may also end up causing them harm. For instance, the person who supports then might also end up trying to control them, and this is then going to affect their ability to experience freedom. Or one may end up attracting a large amount of money, and this could take place through winning the lottery or through someone passing on. In the beginning they may feel supported, but as time passes, they might lose all the money and end up where they started. Out of Touch When one is out of touch with what is taking place within them, it can be normal for them to look outside for the reason why their life is the way it is. It is then not that they don’t want to move forward; it is that they don’t know any different. What is causing them problems in the external world then needs to be dealt with, and this could be described as a logical approach. For example: if one had a mark on their window, it would be logical for them to remove the mark. Another Kind of Logic However, when it comes to what one sees in the external world, it is not just their eyes that are playing a part; it is also their mind. In fact, it could be said that what one sees has more to do with their mind than it does their eyes. Therefore, if one sees a mark in the external world, they may need to clean up what is taking place within them. Based on this outlook, it will be logical for one to take their eyes away from what is taking place ‘out there’ and to place it on what is going on internally. Support When one feels supported for who they are, it will be a lot easier for them to live a fulfilling life. Yet, if they only felt supported when they were pleasing others, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy their time on this earth. This doesn’t mean their needs will always be met or that their life will be straight forward, but it will give them the encouragement that they need to live their truth. If one experiences life in this way, it may be how their life has always been or they may have gradually come to experience life in this way. Conditional There are then going to be others to believe that the only way for them to be supported is through doing what other people want them to do. It is then not going to be possible for them to live their truth. If they were to please others and meet their conditions, they will be supported; but the support they receive won’t allow their life to be an expression of their true-self. The life they lead is likely to be an expression of their false-self. Consequences It can then be normal for them to feel angry and powerless, and they might end up having back and throat problems. When they come across people who are living their truth, they end up feeling like a victim and as though they have something they don’t. Childhood Although one may have experienced life in this way since as long as they can remember, there is a reason why. This is likely to come down to how they were treated during their childhood years. In most cases, their needs may have been overlooked and they may have had to focus on their caregivers needs. Therefore, the support they received was based on them meeting the conditions of the people around them as opposed to them being given unconditional support. Awareness Their childhood needs were then not met and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and it would have set them up to believe that support is conditional. If this is what took place during their childhood years, it is not going to be much of a surprise if this is how they are experiencing life in their adult years. In order for one to move beyond this, it will be necessary for one to question what they believe and they may need to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who embrace their inherent vulnerability, there are others who do everything they can to come across as invulnerable. This is not to say that these are the only options available, as there are likely to be people who alternate between the two.
There will then be moments where they will be able to be authentic and moments where they will cover up how they truly feel. How they behave can all depend how they feel, who they are with and what the context is. Connection When someone doesn’t feel the need to hide what is really going on for them, it will allow other people to feel connected to them. This is because they will be able to relate to them, and this may also encourage them to open up. Through this, one’s need to experience intimacy will also be fulfilled and their relationships are going to be more fulfilling as a result. It will be important for one to share what is going on for them with the right people though. Trust If one has come to see that they can trust someone, it will be easier for them to open up and this is because they will feel safe. And while this doesn’t mean that one can’t show up in everyday life, there are going to be certain things that they will only want to share with the right people. The people they open up to are also likely to be people who share their life with them. This will stop the relationship from being out of balance and it will enable real intimacy to take place. Intimacy When the word ’intimacy’ is mentioned, it can cause people to think about sex. However, while sex can be part of intimacy, there is a lot more to intimacy than sex, and this means that one can be intimate without having sex. Ultimately, it comes down to one sharing who they really are and what is really taking place for them, and when this happens, one is being vulnerable. They don’t need to share their body with someone; they only need to share their inner world with them. Friends and Family This is why intimacy can take place with one’s friends and family and not just with their life partner or lover, for instance. To experience intimacy with a number of people will be far more fulfilling than it will be to just experience it with one person. It could be said that there is more chance of one being intimate with their friends than there is with their family, and this is because they can choose their friends. It might not be possible for them to open up when it comes to their family, but they should be able to when it comes to their friends. Reality However, one may find that it is not possible for them to be real when it comes to the people in their life. Or if this is not something that relates to everyone, it may relate to one person in their life. During those moments when they do share what is going on for them, they might end up being put down in some way. They can then hide how they feel and put on an act or they can be real and end up being mentally and emotionally violated in the process Two Reasons The reason one is experiencing this could be because they don’t value themselves, and this is then why they put up with this kind of behaviour. Yet, there is also the chance that they have only just started to have these experiences and this may be a sign that they have changed. In the past, they may have hidden their true feelings, and now that they have changed, it is causing the other person to feel uncomfortable. If one was to act invulnerable and to cover up their true-self, the other person is likely to return to how they behaved before. Negative Effect Regardless of whether the other person has always been this way or if they have suddenly changed, it shows that one’s vulnerability is having a ‘negative’ effect on them. It might be possible for them to understand why this is, but then again, they might not know why they feel they the way they do. Shaming other people for being vulnerable is then a way for them to manage what is taking place within them. Therefore, the problem is not that other people are vulnerable; it is that their vulnerability triggers something within them that they don’t want to face. A Deep Wound There is a strong chance that they were also shamed for being vulnerable at one point in their life. And because of how painful this was for them, they feel the need to do everything they can to hide their vulnerability from others. They are going to believe that it is not safe for them to be vulnerable, and this is why they may have developed a hard shell around themselves. If they were wounded during their childhood years, for instance, they might not even realise that they are out of touch with their vulnerability, and therefore, their true-self. Normal In is then how they have been for many, many years and it is then going to be normal for them to believe that this is who they really are. In order for them to embrace their true-self, they will need to change their outlook. Awareness This can take place through changing what is taking place in their mind, but if this doesn’t work, this may mean that they need to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level. These early experiences may have caused them to experience a lot of emotional pain and this pain may have stayed trapped in their body. The pain that has remained trapped in their body can be processed with assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one has a friend who they connect with, it is going to come down to the fact that they enjoy being in their company. This doesn’t mean that they are ‘perfect’, but they are going to be ‘perfect’ for them.
If one was to take a closer look at why they enjoy being in their company, they may start to think about how they have certain things in common and they may have a similar outlook when it comes to different parts of their life. In this sense, what they have in common plays an important role in their friendship. However, this doesn’t mean that they always agree or that they enjoy doing the same things. So while there are likely to be differences; what they have in common will be part of what allows them to maintain the connection they have. Childhood Friends One may have maintained a close relationship to people they have known since their childhood years, and they may say that old friends are the best friends. As a result of this, not only will they have things in common and a similar outlook, they will also have shared many experiences over the years. This may cause one to see them as being part of their family as opposed to simply being friends. An Instant Connection Yet, to say that it takes years to develop a strong connection would be far from accurate, and this is because this is something that can happen in a relatively short time. One can spend their time with someone for a few minutes and soon come to the conclusion that the other person would be a good friend to have. How the other person presents themselves is likely to have been a big part of why they appreciate them. They might also sense that the person they are talking to is someone they will get on with. Two Levels On one level then, there is how the other person comes across and this gives their mind something to work with, and on another, they can just feel connected to the other person without understanding why. Their mind can then have no idea why this is, but their body can have a greater understanding of what is occurring, While the mind is looking for physical evidence, the body can pick up information about the other person at an energetic level. Therefore, it can take a little while for the mind to pick up on what the body already knows. Old Friendships If one has been friends with someone since their early years, it may be a sign that they haven’t changed much. Or if they have changed, it might also mean that their friend has also changed; it has then been possible for them to grow and for their friendship to remain. One may also be in a position where they are no longer close to the people they were friends with during their early years. And while they may no longer live in the same area as them, this might not be the case. Grown Apart They may speak to them from time to time, but this could be about as far as their friendship goes. This could be because they are no longer the same person or it could be down to the fact that they have stayed the same and the people around them haven’t. The friends they now have in their life are going to be people they have met during their adult years. But if they have a close connection to them, they may feel as though they have known them their whole life. Change If one was to change, they may find that the people they are closest to are supportive, and that they end up feeling even closer to them than they did before. When this happens, their life is likely to be a lot easier. Through the changes they make, they may serve as a catalyst to others, and this means the people around them will be given the engorgement they need to change. In this case, not only will one benefit, the people around them will also benefit. Resistance Although the above may take place, there is also the chance that this won’t happen, and this means that the people around them will show their disapproval. Or if this is not how all of their friends respond, they may have at least one person who does respond in this way. When this happens, they might end up feeling betrayed and as though their friend should accept them even though they have changed. And as the other person is someone they are close to, this could be seen as a perfectly normal response to have. Conditional However, what this shows is that the other person only accepted them while they were acting in a certain way, and now that they have changed, they no longer meet the other person’s conditions. This doesn’t mean the other person has thought about his consciously, as they might just start to feel uncomfortable around them. The changes one has made might be ‘negative’, but then again, they may remind them of something they don’t want to face within themselves. Either way, it is not longer possible for them to show one the same level of acceptance that they showed them before. Unconditional Having friends who are unconditional may sound like the ideal scenario, but as adults we have things we accept and things we don’t accept. To be accepted unconditionally is something that can take place during one’s childhood years, and yet to expect this as an adult is only going to set one up to suffer unnecessarily. For example: if one was friends with someone who started behave in a destructive way, for instance, they may no longer accept them. In order for one to look after their own wellbeing, it is not going to be possible for one to accept them unconditionally. Awareness To accept or to love someone unconditionally can sound like the ideal, but in reality, it is not possible. The acceptance human beings have for each other is based on certain conditions being fulfilled. This is the only way for them to protect themselves and not only that, there may be times where it is important for them to withdraw their acceptance. Through doing this, it may encourage another person to stop doing something destructive. If one does change and they experience a strong emotional reaction due to not being accepted unconditionally, it may be a sign that they have emotional work to do. The pain that arises may relate to unmet childhood needs, and these will need to be mourned. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|