While some people feel as though it is safe for them to exist, there are others who don’t. Even so, this could be something that someone is not consciously aware of; how they experience life could just be what is normal.
Part of Life However, if they were asked about what they do each day, for instance, this would give them the chance to open up about how they experience life. It is then through what could be described as an, indirect approach, that another person could find out whether or not they feel safe. What they do and what they don’t do in life will say a lot about what is taking place within them. Still, if one of their friends was to ask them about what they have been doing, it doesn’t mean that it will have much of an effect on them. Just Information When it comes to what comes out of their mouth, it might be no different to what they have heard in the past, and so there will be no reason for them to reflect on what they hear. Also, there is the possibility that this is someone who experiences life in the same way. If this person generally feels safe, their close friends could be the same and vice versa. But if they find it hard to feel safe or if they are aware of what can happen when this is not the case, it may give them the ability to notice when one of their friends is experiencing life in this way. One Experience What one is likely to find, when they feel safe, is that they are in touch with their body. So regardless of whether they are by themselves or around others, they will typically have a good connection with what is taking place within term. Consequently, this will enable one to express their true needs and feelings; which means that they will be able to express their true-self. Being in touch with their needs and feelings is important, but if they didn’t feel safe enough to express them they would be overlooked. Another Area And as one feels safe enough to be themselves, it is going to allow them to have relationships that are deeply fulfilling. The reason for this is that one will be able to open up and to be vulnerable. When this happens, one will talk about what their dreams are and express how they feel, among other things. Through doing this, it will allow other people to feel connected to them. Protected There will probably be times when this causes them to feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean that they will feel as though their life is under threat. And if someone didn’t respond in a positive manner, they would be able to protect themselves. They are not going to be willing to put up with someone who will put them down or invalidate their experiences. One could then tell them directly and see how they behave as time goes by, or they could cut their ties with them. A Completely Different Experience On the other hand, when one doesn’t feel safe it can be challenge for them to connect with what is taking place within them. Along with this, it might not matter if they are around others or by themselves, as they could still feel on edge. One could then live in an area that is fairly safe or go somewhere where no one else is around, yet they could feel as though their life is at risk. This doesn’t mean that they will be aware of the thoughts that are running through their mind though, as their mind could be consumed by fear and anxiety. A Battle Naturally, this is going to take a lot out of them, and this is likely to mean that they will have moments when they feel as though they have too much energy and moments when they feel burnt out. They may have a number of ways to deal with the fear and anxiety that is within them and some of these may have a negative effect on their life. For example, one could spend a lot of time by themselves and, while this may allow them to regulate how they feel, it could also cause them to feel disconnected from others. But if they were to go out more, it is unlikely to be any better. Extremely Vulnerable And even though one may rarely open up about how they feel, that doesn’t mean that this will have much of an effect on how they experience life. Ultimately, one is not going to need to open up to feel exposed. It might even seem as though the external world is closing in on them and that it wants to obliterate them. They are going to feel as though their life is under threat, and it could be as if they are in a war zone. Conflict Their priority will be to do everything they can to feel safe, and this is going to make it hard for them to fulfil the rest of their needs. If one did feel safe, their whole world would open up and this would then allow them to live a fulfilling life. What this can show is that one has experienced trauma, and this can be something that has taken place in their adult years and/or it could go back to their childhood. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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When one spends time with the people they are close to, they may find that they are happy to listen to them. This is likely to show that they are there to support them, and their life is then going to be a lot easier than it would be otherwise.
The Perfect Scenario Through being treated in this way, one will see that they value what they have to say, and this is likely to mean that they value them as a person. Still, there is a strong chance that one will also behave in the same way. The relationships in their life are going to be based on give and take, meaning that they are in balance. So, if one was to talk about what they are doing or what they would like to do, there will be no reason for them to feel uncomfortable. Two Parts But if they do feel uncomfortable, it could be a sign that something within them is causing them to feel this way. Perhaps something from their past has been triggered, and this is then what stops them from being able to embrace the present moment. The problem is that if one is not aware of why this is, they could end up projecting their past onto the present. Or, one might just lose their centre, which might make it difficult for them to express themselves. Going In Nevertheless, if they were take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they might soon realise what is going on. The person they are talking to might tell them that what they are going through is fine. And as this external support and understanding is there, one could find that is a lot easier return to the present. There are also going to be the moments when this doesn’t take place, where one has no problem expressing themselves. A New Direction For example, one may want to change their career or they might just want to try a new hobby, and they will tell the people in their life about this. One of their friends could say that this is a god idea, and that they should go for it. In addition to this, they might ask them why it is that they want to go in this direction. This will show that they are curious about why they want to change their life, and not that they want to interrogate them. A Suggestion If one of their friends was to come across something that think they would be good at or enjoy, for instance, they could mention it to them. It could be presented as just an idea as opposed to something that they should do. What this will show is that this person has no interest in telling one how they should live their life. This could show that they have a clear idea of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Boundaries As a result of this, they will be able to see that one has their own needs and feelings, and this is why they treat like an individual. This will stop them from seeing others as an extension of themselves. It is then going to be normal for them to put themselves into other people’s shoes, so to speak, and to be able to pay attention to what matters to them. This will enable other people to feel both validated and respected in their presence. Omniscient However, while this is how some people will behave, there are going to be others who have a different approach. They will spend a lot of time telling other people what they should do and how they should live their life. As far as they are concerned, they are going to be the only ones who know what is best for others. Therefore, no matter how intelligent someone is, they are not going to be as bright as they are. Undermined The people in their life could end up keeping a lot to themselves in order to avoid being treated in this way, but that doesn’t mean this will have much of an effect. One could see what one of their friends is doing and start talking about how they should be doing something else. Through spending time around them, someone could end up doubting themselves, and they could even lose touch with their true needs and feelings. If someone was to speak out about what is taking place, one could say that they ‘are just trying to help’ or that they ‘are only doing it because they care about them’. A Lack of Empathy It will be perfectly clear that one is unable to see that other people are not an extension of them. Consequently, they are not going to be aware of the fact that other people have their now needs and feelings. Thus, while they can offer their suggestions, it is not up to them to decide what another people does or doesn’t do with their life. It is as though one is imagining what they would do if they were someone else, and this is why they are unable to think about their needs and feelings. Ignored One is going to walk over other people, and the people in their life could feel as though they are invisible. Some people will end up cutting their ties with them, whilst others will put up with their behaviour. If someone does put up with their behaviour, it can be a sign that they don’t value themselves. How they are being treated externally is then no different to how they are treating themselves internally. Awareness When one walks over others they will need to develop boundaries, among other things, and if one is walked over by others it will be essential for them to do the same thing. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
At times, someone can mistake thirst for hunger, and there are a number of reasons as to why this tales place. As a result of this, one can end up eating when they are not even hungry.
The Outcome If one finds it easy to gain weight, and this was to happen on a regular basis, they could end up carrying more weight than they need to. What this then means is that a small problem will have turned into a big problem. Still, one may exercise on a regular basis, and this may make it easier for them to lose the access weight that they are carrying. Then again, one could be in a position where they don’t go to the gym or they might just find it hard to lose weight, it is then going to be a different story. Just One Example This is, of course, just one of the ways in which one can mistake one thing for something else. One could feel lonely and empty, for instance, and after spending time with someone who treats them well, they could come to believe that they are in love. How they feel when they are around this person and what takes place in their mind when they are not with them will play a big part in this. Through meeting them, it will have allowed them to feel better about themselves. Time Goes On However, as time passes one may find that they no longer feel the same way about them. This could be a time when they will find it hard to understand why they no longer feel the same. Alternatively, one might start to realise that it wasn’t love that brought them together; it was the pain that was within them. Ultimately, the other person just allowed them to run away from their own pain. The Real Reason Through being with this person, it has allowed them to feel different, and this is why they were drawn to the other person. The other person would have believed that one loved them, when in reality; it was just that one loved how they felt in their presence. Due to how low they felt in the beginning, it wouldn’t have been hard for them to fall for someone who showed them affection. One was needy, and so they needed someone to fill the hole that was within them. Another Example If one felt sexually aroused, it would be normal for them to come to the conclusion that this shows that they need to have sex or to masturbate. Therefore, there is going to be no reason for them to take step back and to look into why they are having this experience. What is also going to play a part here is that the western world is more sexually liberated than it used to be. So, one can pay attention to how they feel and then they can take the next step. From Here There are likely to be a number of factors that will define what one will do to experience the pleasure that they desire. If they are in a relationship, they may have to wait until their partner is available. But even if they are with someone, it doesn’t mean that they will wait until they next see them. What they could do is relieve themselves through masturbating, or they could find someone else to take care of their sexual needs. The Modern Day World If they are single, on the other hand, they could just end up masturbating. But if they use online dating, for instance, this could mean that they will look for someone who can come and help them out. It wouldn’t be accurate to say that it will be just as easy for a man to do this as it will be for a woman, though. As long as a woman is reasonably attractive, she will probably be able to find a guy to have sex with whenever she wants. One Outlook When one spends a lot of time feeling sexually aroused, they can come to believe that this shows that they have high sex drive. This is just part of who they are, and the only thing they can do is to fulfil this need as and when they can. There is the chance that this is the truth, and there is then no reason for one to take a deeper look into why they are experiencing life in this way. If they were to take a deeper look, what they could find is that feeling sexually aroused is often a way for them to avoid how they feel. Mistaking One Thing for Another However, this could be something that takes place so fast that it stops them from being able to realise this. If they were to just be with what is taking place within them and didn’t try to do anything, they could end up experiencing a lot of pain. They could feel angry, powerless and even worthless, and this can show that they are carrying trauma. Having sex or masturbating is then going to be a way for them to keep their true feelings at bay. A Closer Look The pain that they are carrying could relate to what they have experienced during their adult life and/or it could go back to what happened when they were younger. When they were younger, they may have been abused and/or neglected. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has the need to say something, it doesn’t mean that they will say what is on their mind. And what can define whether or not they speak up is if what they have to say is politically correct.
A Risk Now, what they could find is that it is safe for them to express what is on their mind; however, this doesn’t mean that this will be the case as time passes. The reason for this is that even though something is seen as being acceptable at one point in time, it doesn’t mean that it will be seen in the same way at another. As a result of this, how someone is seen could soon change if they don’t stay up to date with what is ‘appropriate’ and what isn’t. It could then be said that one is only going to be one word or sentence away from having their whole world turned upside down. Two Parts What is going on externally is then going to have a big effect on what does or doesn’t come out of their mouth. Yet, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that this is all there is to it; there is also the part that one will play in all this. One could find that they don’t allow themselves to think about certain things, and this will show that they are engaging in self-censorship. If this does take place, it won’t matter if there is external control or not. The Ideal Scenario This is then going to stop them from being able to act like a human being; they will be nothing more than programmed machine. One will still be alive, but they will be simply going through the motions. Still, even though they are going to suffer, it doesn’t mean that the people at the top will have a problem with this. In fact, there is a strong chance that this is exactly how they want most people to behave. Hidden If they had to control people directly, it would take time, money and energy, but this is not going to be the case when they do it themselves. In addition to this, they are far less likely to resist. And if someone doesn’t keep themselves inline, it won’t be long until one of their fellow human beings will do it for them. So, when people silence themselves or are silenced by their fellow human beings, there is no need for the people at the top to control people directly. One Way of Looking At This If another person was to hear this, they could say that this is not what being politically correct is all about. As far as they are concerned, this will be a way to make sure that people don’t go out of their way to offend others. This can be seen as right way to behave; after all, why would anyone want to go out of their way to offend others? When this does take place, it can show that someone is not in a good way. From One Extreme to Another In the past, people’s feelings were often overlooked, and this meant that it was normal for people to suffer in silence. Then again, this would have meant that a lot of people simply disconnected from their inner world and come across as though they were dead from the neck down. Based on this, it is good that people’s feelings are no longer being ignored; it could be said that this shows how far we have come. At the same time, what is clear is that one problem has ended up being replaced by another. Walking On Egg Shells Before, people’s feelings were not given enough attention; nowadays, they are given far too much attention. Consequently, it no longer matters if someone has gone out their way to offend another person, as they can end up being demonized. Through being offended, they will believe that they have the right to silence someone, and this shows how out of balance this has all become. People’s emotions have then gone from having very little, if any, value, to having so much value that they override everything else. One Consequence This doesn’t just relate to saying the wrong word or using the wrong term, though, as this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. If someone was to find out about something that been proven to be true, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to speak about it. If they were to do so they could be seen as being ‘offensive’, and this could cause them to be labelled in some way. One could even end up having their reputation destroyed, and they may lose their job. Denial But even though this will stop some people from having to feel ‘uncomfortable’, it also means that the truth will have to be covered up. Reality is then something that is too much for some them to handle, and its place is nothing more than a mental construct that is in alignment with how they want the world to be. It is then going to be vital for these people to silence anyone who proves that the ideas in their mind have absolutely nothing to do with reality. Ultimately, what this proves is how mentally and emotionally unstable these people are. The Bigger Picture If someone actually cares about other people and the world in general, it is going to be in their best interest to face reality. Through facing a problem head on, it will enable them to do something about it. For example, if someone is driving a car that has smoke coming out, they will have to do something about it. If they were to act offended and to label the engine, it would just get worse. Conclusion Just because someone is not disconnected from how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they are a more evolved human being. What it can mean - if they are always being offended - is that they need to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. Once they can do this, they may find that they no longer need to silence other people, and this will mean that they won’t be trying to remove free speech. Along with this, they won’t have the need to surpass the truth.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One person could hear something and respond in one way, and another person could hear the same thing and respond in a completely different manner. Consequently, this is going to show that they have interpreted it differently.
One Response After hearing something, one person could soon find that their attention is drawn to something else. What this means is that it wont have had much of an effect on them, and this is then why they have moved on. It might only be a matter of time before they do come across something that has a big effect on them, or this could be something that rarely takes place. If this is the case, it is not going to be a challenge for them to experience inner peace. Another Response On the other hand, one might not be able to move on to something else; they could end up being consumed by how they feel. What they have heard will then have had a big effect on them. This could be something that doesn’t happen very often, or it may take place on a regular basis. When this does happen a lot, one may find that they hardly ever experience inner peace. The Difference Yet, while each person is interpreting what they hear differently, it doesn’t mean that both of them will realise this. If one is rarely affected by what they hear, they may be only too aware of the part that they play. They could have a clear understanding of the fact that their own mind plays a big part in whether something has negative effect on them. This is going to stop them from believing that other people control how they feel. Working Together And if they do experience a strong emotional reaction to something, they will be able to think about why this is. Their thinking brain is going to be working with their emotional brain, and this is why they are able to act like a whole human being. In addition to the effect this has on how they respond to what they hear; there will also be the effect it has on how they respond to what happens in their life. So, as they generally don’t react, it will be a lot easier for them to make good decisions. Being Centred Something ‘bad’ could happen and one could experience an emotional reaction, but they will have the ability to take a step back and to reflect. Through doing this, it can enable them to make the right decision. What has happened is not going to define them; it will just be another moment in their life. After a little while, one could soon be back on their feet, and this will show how resilient they are. Another Area When it comes to the time that they spend with their friends and family, for instance, one may find that they hardly ever experience drama. If someone says something to them that presses their buttons, so to speak, they will be able to look into why this is. This is going to stop one from having the tendency to lose their temper or having a go at them for no reason. Thus, the people around them will be able to relax; they won’t need to walk on eggshells. Unaware If one spends a lot of time being affected by what people say, they might not be able to see the part that they are playing. One can then believe that other people are in control of how they feel. Their ability to think clearly is then going to be offline and their emotional brain will be in the driver’s seat. This is going to stop them from being able to take a step back and to reflect on what takes place. Reactive When something ‘bad’ happens to them, it is likely to have a big effect on how they feel. But even if they were to experience something fairly minor, it could still end up being perceived as something that is far worse than it actually is. The smallest thing is then going to knock them down, and it will be a challenge for them to overcome things. One way of looking at this would be to say that one makes a mountain out of a mole hill. All at Sea If one was to look back on their life they might find it hard to find a time when they felt at peace. It might seem as though they have had one challenge after another, and this is likely to take its toll on their health. When it comes to their relationships, this is going to be another area of their life that takes a lot out of them. The people in their life could find that it is incredibly draining to be around them at times, and one may have pushed a number of people away over the years. Emotionally Raw What is clear here is that one is unable to regulate what is taking place within them, and this causes them to experience life in this way. And when one is unable to do this, it can be a sign that they are carrying trauma. This could relate to what has happened during their adult life and/or it could go back to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One of the reasons why someone would get into self-development is because they have the need to please others. What this will show is that they are aware of what is wrong and this is then why they have been able to take the next step.
One Step Behind Yet, if one hasn’t reached this point, it might not be possible for them to do anything about it. The information that they need to change their life could then be right in front of them, but it won’t matter. For example, one could go into a book shop and walk straight past the section that has books on self-development. As a result of this, one will continue to experience life in the same way, and their life could get even worse. The Same Story However, even if one is aware of the fact that they need to please others, they can still have a lot in common with someone who isn’t. So when one experiences life in this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to fulfil their own needs. There may be moments in their life when this does take place, but it is going to be the exception as opposed to the rule. What this means is that their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs. Point Of Focus Therefore, instead of being able to focus on their own needs and to be there for others from time to time, they will spend most of their time focusing on what other people need. Naturally, this is going to cause them to be out of balance, and if they behaved in this way when it came to food, for instance, they wouldn’t last for very long. The problem is that when one behaves in this way when it comes to the rest of their needs, it is going to cause them to suffer in silence. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one will be alive, but they will be dying on the inside. A Mask Even so, this doesn’t mean that other people will realise what is taking place, and the reason for this is that one can put an act around others. Due to how they behave, it can be normal for other people to believe that everything is fine. One could be seen as someone who is easy going and only too happy to be there for others. Based on this, it is not going to be a surprise for people to see them as some kind of role model. Behind The Scenes When they are by themselves, they are likely to come across in a completely different way. This could be a time when they feel angry and, as time passes, they could end up feeling down. If they are aware of their need to please other people, they will realise why they feel this way. But if they are not aware of this need, they might think about why their mind is responding in this way. Another Reason One could come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with their brain, and that they have a ‘chemical imbalance’. There will then be no need for them to change their behaviour as this will be seen as something that is out of their control. This is an example of how someone can end up going down the wrong path when they are not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level. The fact that one is likely to live in a society that discourages self-awareness is also likely to play a part here. A Natural Response If one is in a position where they ignore their own needs, it would be abnormal for them to be completely comfortable with what is taking place. The fact that they feel angry and/or depressed is due to the fact that they are not living in the right way. Now, whether one is consciously aware of this or not is irrelevant - deep down they know that this is the case. When one is not aware of why they feel this way, they are going to suffer unnecessarily. A Half-Life For as long as this continues, one will continue to put other people’s needs first and to watch their life pass them by. It might seem as though they are on the outside looking in, or they might feel like they are sitting on the substitute’s bench. They could have a job that is not very fulfilling, and their relationships might not be much better. Perhaps one spends time with people who are abusive, or they might just be around people who are caught up with their own needs. The Next Step When one is aware of what is taking place, they are going to have the need to change their behaviour. What they could then find is that they feel uncomfortable, but that this is not enough to stop them in their tracks. At the same time, one could change their behaviour and this could cause them to be overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. Their need to change is then going to be taken over by their need to protect themselves. A Closer Look Their first response could be to wonder what is going on; then again, it might be only to clear as to why they feel this way. During their early years, they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. Putting their needs first would then have been something that would have caused them to be harmed. Through focusing on their caregivers needs, this would have made it easier for them to survive. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Regulation: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Emotionally Dependent?14/8/2017
When someone has the ability to regulate their own emotions, they are not going to be used to being overwhelmed by them. And even if they were to find themselves in a position where they were unable to handle what is taking place within them, it doesn’t mean that they would suffer in silence.
Two Options If this was to take place, they could end up reaching out for external support, and this may mean that they will get in touch with a friend or a family member, for instance. One is then going to have the ability to be there for themselves and to feel comfortable enough to ask someone else to be there for them. This will show that one is emotionally strong and that they feel comfortable with their own needs. Through being able to be there for themselves and to reach out for support, it will show that one is an interdependent human being. All Areas Being this way is going to have a big effect on how they behave, and this is then going to have an effect on every area of their life. In addition to this, there will be the kinds of people who they are drawn to (and who are drawn to them). What is absolutely clear is that they are not going to rely on one person to change how they feel. Consequently, the people in their life are likely be people who they want to spend time with, as opposed to people that they need to spend time with. Healthy Relationships The people in their life are then going to be people who have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Ultimately, one is not going to feel like a child who needs someone else to sooth them, and this is then going to stop them from seeing these people as parent figures. Therefore, if they were to meet someone who doesn’t treat them very well, it is going to be a lot easier for them to cut their ties with them. But without even going this far, there will be effect it has on their ability to express their true-self. Self-Expression If they don’t agree with what one of their friends says, for instance, they will feel comfortable enough to speak out. The reason for this is that they are not going to have a fear of being abandoned. This is also going to mean that they will be able to say no when they don’t want to do something and to stand their ground whenever they need to. Pleasing other people is going to be last thing on their mind. Success When one has the need to achieve something, they may find that they that don’t find it hard to take action. What this comes down to is that one won’t need someone else to hold their hand; they will feel strong enough to take the next step. As if they were to experience fear or anxiety, for instance, they will know that they have what it takes to calm themselves down. The experiences they have had in the past of being able to do this will undoubtedly fill them with self-belief. The Other Side On the other hand, when one is unable to regulate how they feel, it is going to cause them to behave differently. In order for them to settle down, they will need to have someone with them. One is then going to be emotionally dependent on other people, and this is going to give others a lot of power over them. Alternatively, one could just sit with how they feel and end up being overwhelmed. Addicted Yet, regardless of whether one is dependent on others or just keeps their feelings to themselves, they could have a number of things that they can’t live without. Perhaps they drink a lot of alcohol or take a lot of drugs. And while these kinds of things are not going to be good for them in the long run, what they will do is allow them to control how they feel. There are of course, some additions that are seen as being more acceptable than others. One Purpose If one does have people in their life that they are emotionally depended on, they are going to have a strong need to please them. Their need to feel secure is then going to take precedence over every other need that they have. One could then find that they have a high tolerance for abuse or simply being around people who are not right for them. But no matter how bad their relationships are, this will be seen as being far better than the alternative. Its Missing From the outside, it will be clear that one is an adult, but based on how they experience life, it shows that they don’t feel like one. Emotionally, one is more like a child, and this is because a child is unable to regulate their emotions. A child needs the people around them to soothe them and, after this has taken place for little while, they will no longer be this way. The trouble is that this doesn’t always take place, and this can then set them up to grow into an adult who can’t handle their emotions. Awareness Thus, when one is unable to regulate their emotions, it can mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. This would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way and it would have caused them to experience a lot of trauma. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It seems that there is a not a moment that goes by when someone isn’t offended about something. In fact, it could be said that this has become a competition for some people, and the person who is the most offended is the one who wins the prize.
This might not be completely accurate though, as what someone is offended about can also have an effect. There are then certain offences that will elevate them above other people. The Prize Now, this doesn’t mean that they will end up winning a gold medal; after all, they are not participating in some kind of sport. Yet, what they will receive is positive feedback from other people. In addition to this, they will be able to take the moral high ground, and this is going to allow them to feel good about themselves. So, even though one has simply been offended by something or someone, it will be as if they have achieved something significant. Moving On But regardless of whether one sees this as some kind of competition or not, it is likely to be only a matter of time before something else presses their buttons, so to speak. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are made of ice and they live in a world that is made of fire. The difference is that while they won’t completely disappear, they will still be affected by the world around them. Based on this, it could be said that they are the ones with the problem, and that it is not the world around them that needs to change. A Waste of Time If someone was to say this to them, there is the chance that it wouldn’t have much of an effect on them. What it could do is cause them to be offended, and this is then going to be another way for them to paint themselves as a victim. Ideally, this person would look into why they have the tendency to be offended, as this would give them the chance to change their life. This would be a time when one would look into what is taking place within them. A Choice Through taking this approach, one might soon find that a number of things take place when they are offended. They will see that there is what they hear and then there is how they interpret it. Said another way, the only way that what they hear can have an effect on them is if they allow to it have an effect. What this shows is how much control they have when it comes to whether or not they are offended by something. One Part Along with how their mind responds to what is said, there can also be what is triggered within them. For example, if one is carrying a lot for anger and shame within them, what they hear can trigger this anger and shame. But if one is not aware of the fact that they are carrying this baggage within them, it will be normal for them to believe that how they feel is the result of what they have heard. When in reality, what exists within them is simply being brought up to the surface. Trauma What this could relate to is what has taken place during their adult years and/or it could go back to what happened to them when they were younger. As when one has a traumatic experience, this pain is likely to stay in their body and mind unless they do something about it. When this pain is not dealt with, it can end up being more or less impossible for them to regulate their emotions. One can end up being emotionally raw, and just about anything can ‘trigger’ them. One Outlook Therefore, one of the main reasons why someone would have the tendency to be affected by what other people say is because they are carrying trauma. And as so many people in the world experience life in this way, it shows that a lot of people are carrying trauma. One way to handle this problem will be for the people who experience life in this way to get the help that they need. This would give these people the chance to experience inner peace, perhaps for the first time, and it would stop them from trying to control what people can say. Back To Reality There are going to be people who take this route, and then there are going to be people who don’t. If someone does take this route, it could be said that they will be the exception as opposed to the rule. What this comes down to is that people are generally discouraged from taking responsibility for their life. The people in power realise that if you keep people in a child-like state, it is a lot easier to control them. A Mini-Tyrant When it comes to someone who spends a lot of time being offended, they can have the need to silence the people who offend them. These people can be labelled in some way and seen as the ones with the problem. One can believe that they are right and the people who offended then are wrong; when in reality, it is unlikely to be this black and white. Still, there will be plenty of authority figures who are only too happy to treat them like a victim. A Useful Fool This can cause them to come to the conclusion that their feelings are extremely important and that the people in power care about them. Yet, if they were to take a step back, it might become clear that they are just being used. It is not that their feelings are important or that these people care about them; it is that their behaviour has given them an indirect way to silence their fellow human beings. And as these people are being silenced, it will only be a matter of time before they are also silenced. Conclusion If the people in power actually cared about others, they would do what they can do empower them as individuals. This means that they would stop trying to control every area of their life, and to do this they would have to change. But as these people are control freaks, it is highly unlikely that this will take place, and this is why they can’t be trusted. When they do something that seems to be for the betterment of society, there is the chance that this is nothing more than an illusion, and that they are just trying to distract people from paying attention to something else.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Are The People Who Try To Do Everything By Themselves Developmentally Stunted?12/8/2017
While there are people who realise that they can’t do everything by themselves, there are others who have a different outlook. When someone can relate to the former, they are going to accept the fact that they are an interdependent human being.
Reaching Out As a result of this, there are going to be things that they will be able to do by themselves and things that they won’t. When they can’t do something, it will be normal for them to get in touch with a friend or a family member, for instance. Behaving in this way is going to be what feels comfortable, and this is then why this takes place. Yet, even if they do feel uncomfortable about asking someone for help, they might push through how they feel. It’s clear And, if they were to come across someone who says that they don’t need others, they might find it hard to understand why they have this outlook. They might start to wonder if this person has actually thought about what they are saying. This might be as far as it will go, or they could ask them a number of questions. Through taking this approach, one may even end up being criticised in some way, and this will show that it is not going to be possible for them to get through to them. Stepping Back One could then start to think about how they rely on people in all areas of their life, and if these people disappeared their life wouldn’t be the same. For example, if they drive a car, there are going to be the people to look after the roads they use, as well as those who service their car. When it comes to the electrical devices that they use to go online, there are going to be the engineers who make sure that their internet connection doesn’t go offline. In fact, one could spend hours thinking about all of the people out there who allow them to life as they do. Hidden What may also come to mind during this time is how this is not something they have thought about before, or if they have, it is not something that they have thought about in as much detail. Nevertheless, it could be said that this is to be expected. Through being able to drive wherever they want and to go online whenever they want, for instance, they may have believed that this is something that just happens. The roads are then always ready and their internet connection is always there. Intimacy As they are in touch with the fact that they need others, there is a strong chance that they don’t have trouble opening up and being vulnerable. In general, they may believe that other people are trust worthy. If something is troubling them, there will be no need for them to keep it to themselves and to act as thorough everything is fine. This is then going to allow them to have relationships with others that are deeply fulfilling True-Self Ultimately, one is going to be able to embrace their true needs and feelings, and this will allow them to act in an authentic manner. And as this is how they behave, the people in their life are likely to be the same. However, when one doesn’t have this outlook and they believe that they can do everything by themselves, they are likely to be out of touch with their true-self. Even so, they might not even be aware of this. A Different Reality As far as they are concerned, they are going to be an independent human being; therefore, they won’t need anyone else. This is likely to be mean that they have disconnected from a number of their needs and feelings. If they do have people in their life, they may only have a surface level connection with them. The reason for this is that they will have the need to look strong, and to come across as though they are invulnerable. A Wall One is not going to let other people get too close to them, and this is naturally going to make it difficult for them to experience intimacy. There is a strong chance they believe that other people can’t be trusted. So, as they have the need to come across as highly capable, they are likely to be drawn to people who are the opposite. One can then end up judging these people for being needy and weak; when in reality, these people are likely to remind them of how they feel at a deeper level. Excessive Pride But unless one is able to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they will continue to believe that these people are the ones who need to get it together. Being around people who are like this can also validate their sense of superiority. Thus, instead of being able to see that there is a reason why they attract people who are like this, it will be seen as something that happens randomly. One could feel extremely proud of the fact that they don’t need others, and this is likely to come across in how they behave. Avoidance If they were to get in touch with how they feel, it is highly likely that they would experience a lot of shame, amongst other things. It is then not that one doesn’t need others; it is that they feel too ashamed to acknowledge this. There are going to be a number of ways for them to avoid how they feel, and staying busy is going to be one of them. Another way will be for them to make sure that they don’t get too close to anyone. A Closer Look If one does get close to someone, they will have to embrace how they feel, and it might then cause them to push this person away. What this is likely to show is that it wasn’t safe for them to express their needs and feelings when they were younger. At this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have set them up to believe that there was something wrong with their needs. This would have stopped them for being able to develop in the right way, Awareness Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with their needs and feelings; needing others is simply part of being human. And embracing this doesn’t make one weak or needy; it just means that they are able to face reality. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. This is something that can be provided by a friend or a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, there are a number of ways for someone to become famous, and this has opened the door to people from all walks of life. Said another way, it is no longer necessary for someone to have real talent; they can end up in the public eye for other reasons.
Reality TV What has played a big part in this are the kind of opportunity’s that are available on TV, and these have been available for a number of years now. For example, someone can go into a house or spend time on an island. During this time, just about everything they do will be recorded and a lot of this footage will then be seen by others. Therefore, if someone is involved in one of these types of shows, they are going to receive a lot of exposure. The Requirements If one was to believe that someone needs to be of high moral character to get onto one of these shows, they are likely to be in for a shock. What they are likely to find, if they were to look into what kind of people appear on these shows, is that the opposite is often true. It is often the most degenerate people who appear on these kinds of shows, but it doesn’t end there. Another thing that can make it easier for someone to appear on one of these shows is if they are physically attractive. The Message This is why it has been said that these kinds of programs can have a negative effect on the people who watch them; especially the younger generation. What this partly comes down to is that at the beginning of someone’s life, they can be high suggestible. So, if they haven’t got any healthy role models in their life to offset what they are exposed to on TV, it can cause them to accept what they see. It is then not going to matter what they see, as it will go straight in. The Family Breakdown Now, it could be said that these are only TV programs and that people shouldn’t get too caught up in what they see. This is all well and good, but when someone doesn’t have people around them who are healthy, it is going to be normal for them to look elsewhere for guidance. If one of their parents is no longer around, or if their parents have a dysfunctional relationship, for instance, they are going to have to look externally for answers. Whereas if they had two healthy role models to look up to, they would probably be less likely to go along with what they see on TV. The Other Side Along with the kind of people who become famous thorough appearing on these kinds of TV programs, there are those who take the more traditional route. Even so, it doesn’t mean that all of these people behave in a different manner. What it is likely to mean is that these people are in the public eye because they have some kind of talent. Some of these people will have been spotted when they were younger, whilst others will have had famous parents, for instance. Social Media But even if someone like this has never been on a reality TV show, it doesn’t mean that other people won’t be able to find out more about them. The reason for this is that they can share photos and videos on different sites online. There are going to be certain celebrities who will use these sites to share what they do, but they will only go so far. For others, this will be a way for them to share practically every part of their life. Over Exposed When it comes to the former, it could be said that a celebrity won’t have a strong need for attention. This will then allow them to keep some of their life private, and it could also show that they are fairly secure. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, it could be said that they have a strong need for attention. Through being this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to keep anything private, and it could be said that they are not very secure. On A pedestal However, even if a celebrity is behaving in a dysfunctional manner, it doesn’t mean that someone will realise this. When someone follows a celebrity, they can believe that they are perfect. It is then not going to matter what they do, as it is not going to be possible for them to realise that they are just another human being. And the less developed someone is, the more likely they are to look up to another person. Projection The parts of themselves that they haven’t realised end up being attached to someone else. Yet, when one is unaware of what is taking place, it will cause them to believe that this person is above them. Thus, in order to have people who are seen as being better than others, you need to have people who feel as though they are less than others. It is a symbiotic relationship; you can’t have one without the other. Attention Seeking One can then follow a celebrity (or a number of them) who needs a lot of attention, and this can be seen as the right way to behave. The fact that they are behaving in this way will be the only thing that matters. The idealised idea that they have of them is going to stop them from taking a step back and looking into what consequences may arise from behaving in this way. When one does behave in this way, there will be the effect it has on others and the effect it has on themselves. Conclusion Other people can see them as being someone who is completely caught up with themselves; others will say that they are incredibly insecure. And, when one needs a lot of attention, they are likely to be emotionally dependent on other people. How they feel will then be defined by how other people respond to what they do online and offline. The antidote to attention seeking behaviour is then for one to heal the pain that is within them, as this can allow them to become an interdependent adult. Ultimately, just because a celebrity is behaving in a certain way, it doesn’t mean that this proves that it is a healthy way to behave. After all, the people in the public eye are often carrying a lot of pain within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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