In the same way that a light will usually appear on the dashboard of a car when something isn’t right, someone will usually experience pain when something is not right. Through paying attention to this pain, they will be able to do something about it.
On the one hand, there will be physical pain and, on the other, there will be emotional pain. This is not to say that they are separate from each other, though, as physical pain can create emotional pain and emotional pain can lead to physical pain. A Message So, in the same way that the light that appears on a dashboard is not a bad thing, it is also not a bad thing when one experiences pain. If this pain didn’t appear, it would be a lot harder for one to know when something isn’t right. Then again, it might stop one from realising when something isn’t right, causing their life to end shortly after. What this empathises is how important it is for someone to listen to their own pain. In Tune When someone is in touch with their emotional pain, they are likely to be in touch with all of their emotions. Through having this connection, it will be a lot easier for them to make the right decisions. This is naturally going to have a positive effect on every area of their life, thereby making it less likely that they will suffer. One might have been this way for as long as they can remember. One Area If one was to start dating someone and this person started to abuse them, it would probably cause them to feel unconformable. One would then listen to this pain and they would either let the other person know that their behaviour is not acceptable or they would walk away. Their inner dashboard will have lit up, so to speak, causing them to do something about how they felt. If they hadn’t of behaved in this manner, the other person may have continued to behave in this way or they may have ended up in an abusive relationship. Another Area Another way in which having this connection with themselves will benefit them is by being able to recognise if they are somewhere that isn’t right for them. For example, they could end up somewhere where it is hard for them to feel at peace. This could be mean that they have just gone for a walk or perhaps they have just moved into a new house/apartment. Either way, it will be clear that they need to get away from that area or to find a new home. Three Parts In order for someone to be able to behave in this manner, it won’t be enough for them to just have a strong connection with themselves. Along with this, they need to value themselves and to feel safe enough to behave in this way. If they didn’t have these other two components in place, they wouldn’t be able to do anything with the information that is inside them. They would then be no better off than someone who is completely disconnected from their inner world. Another Experience When someone is out of touch with what is taking place within them, or is rarely in touch with it, it will be a lot harder for them to protect themselves. It will be as though they have dashboard in front of them, but they won’t look at it. And even if they do look at it, they might not do anything with the information that is right in front of them. If they had the same approach when they experienced hunger, their time on this earth would soon come to an end. A High Tolerance for Pain If someone like this was to start dating someone who is abusive or ended up in an environment that wasn’t safe, they are likely to just put up with it. Due to not having a good connection with their inner pain, they won’t realise that they need to stand their ground, to end the relationship, or to get away. The pain will be kept deep within them and they will end up tolerating whatever happens to them. What this is likely to show is that they have the ability to handle a lot of pain, and this is going to be a disadvantage. What’s going on? What is clear is that one is not going to be working with themselves; they will be working against themselves. The reason why one would behave in this way is because this is likely to be what feels safe. Paying attention to how they feel and then doing something about it is not going to be an option. If they were to do this, they may believe that something bad would happen, and there is also the chance that they don’t believe they deserve to experience life differently. Way Back If one was to reflect on what took place during their early years, they may find that this was a time when they had to put up with pain. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. It wouldn’t have been safe enough for them to listen to this pain and then to assert themselves. No, the only thing they would have been able to do would have been to disconnect from this pain and to tolerate what was going on. Survival However, while disconnecting from their feelings allowed them to survive during this time, it is now causing them to suffer unnecessarily. That time in their life is over, but they are still going to be behaving as though it is still not safe enough for them to assert themselves. Being treated in this way would have caused them to believe that they were worthless, yet this is also an illusion. In order for them to function at their best, they will need to operate as a whole human being. Awareness What they went through all those years ago would have caused them to experience trauma, and this will need to be dealt with. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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A number of months ago I was talking to my friend Wain about how important it is to keep going and not to give up. After this, I think I said that if we do this, the light at the end of the tunnel will appear.
He went on to share something that one of his friends had said to him around his topic. This friend had told him that it wasn’t that a light at the end of the tunnel would just appear; it was that one would make it appear. A Different Perspective Therefore, when someone is going through a challenging time, someone or something ‘out there’ is not going to come and save them. The person who is going through a challenging time will be the same person who will get them to the other side. It could then be said that this is a more empowering way of looking at this, as one will be in touch with their own power. On the other hand, if they were to believe that the light at the end of the tunnel will appear if they keep going, it will create the impression that this is all happening to them. Out of Balance One is then going to be just an observer of their reality as opposed to someone who is co-creating their reality. If one believes that they are powerless and that they need someone or something out there to save them, it is naturally going to be a lot harder for them to accept this. But, as hard as it may be for them to realise that the power to change their life is within them, this will be the best way for them to change their life and to live a life that is worth living. Being in touch with their inner power will not only allow them to change their life, it will also make them feel better. Another Moment When my friend said about being the light at the end of our own tunnel, I didn’t think much about it after we went our separate ways. I only started to really think about all this when I caught up with another friend the other day. I asked him how he had been and he said that he had been through a tough time over the last few years. He said that he just had to keep going and that it was clear that no one else was going to come to the rescue. One Direction I said I knew exactly what he meant as I went through an incredibly difficult time when my father passed on and all my early wounds came to the surface. I spoke about what I have mentioned above, with how we are both the tunnel and the light at the end of it. He agreed with what I said, saying that ‘you are the one who has to pull yourself through it; no one else is going to come and do it for you’. What he said resonated with me – if I hadn’t kept going during my dark moments, I might not even be here today. Final Thoughts At the same time, this is not to say that I believe that we are our own island; we all need support from time to time. What I believe it comes down to is that we need to take the first step and play our own part. And if we need support, it will be vital that we reach out for it. While I played my part during the moments in my life that pushed me to the edge, if it wasn’t for the support that I reached out for I probably wouldn’t be writing this. So, the main thing is that you keep going and don’t give in no matter what: you have the power to change your life and this is what you deserve. My father would often say ‘you keep at it mate’ and ‘you are doing it, that’s the main thing’, and there is no doubt that these words have served me well over the years.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not unusual for someone to believe that certain people should be punished for what their ancestors did. When someone has this view, it can be due to what they have picked up from the education system and the mainstream media.
This doesn’t mean that someone like this will believe that this applies to everyone on the planet, though. What they are likely to believe is that this is something that only applies to white people. Outrage If someone was to hear this who didn’t have this outlook, they might wonder what is going on. This could be seen as a sign that one race is being treated unfairly, with this being a clear example of discrimination. But, if someone like this was to say that it is racist to say that this is something that only relates to white people, they might not get very far. The reason for this is that other person could say that it is not possible for white people to experience racism, and this is going to be because of what racism means to them. Two Parts The meaning that they have of racism is likely to be discrimination plus power; therefore, white people won’t be able to experience it due to the fact that they are the majority. It is then going to be as if every white person gets together every Sunday and looks into what they can do to oppress people who are not white. This is then going to be tantamount to saying that it is not possible for women to abuse men as men are generally physically stronger. All white people will be put in the ‘oppressor’ box and all of the people who are not white will be put into the ‘oppressed’ box. Part of the Problem As a result of this, it doesn’t matter if a white person is aware of all this or if they are a good natured human being, as they will be perceived in a negative light by those who have been programmed in this way. Ironically, the people who label people in this way are likely to talk about how tolerant they are and how bad discrimination is. It could be said that their behaviour shows how easy it is so say things but how hard it is to actually put them into practice. Also, it is naturally a lot easier to judge others than it is for one to look at what they hate about themselves. Moving On With that aside, it can be said that white people benefit from what their ancestors did in the past. Thus, every white person on the planet is going to be seen as a descent of a least one person who helped to colonize other countries and kept slaves. Once again, every white person will be put into a box and it won’t matter if any of their ancestors were involved in this. Consequently, it will be irrelevant as to whether any of their ancestors were enslaved or went through anything traumatic. Less-than Human Due to what their ancestors did, they won’t be worthy of empathy, compassion, or respect; they will just deserve to suffer. Clearly, this is what happens when someone has a collectivist outlook and is unable to see people as individuals. If someone is white it will mean that everything just falls into their lap, meaning that they will live a ‘privileged’ life. The descendents of the ancestors who were not around all those years ago will then want to punish the descendents of ancestors who were not around all those years ago either. Two Wrongs Make a Right While it would be inaccurate to say that someone is not affected by what their ancestors went though, that doesn’t mean that harming someone for what their ancestors did will actually solve anything. This could be seen as what happens when someone is reacting unconsciously. They won’t be able to think clearly or to connect to their heart; they will be consumed by their need to seek revenge. And, even if one believes that someone’s ancestors committed certain crimes due to the colour of their skin, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. Another Angle Another way of looking at this would be to say that it is perfectly acceptable for someone to punish their current partner for what their ex did. They will be the same gender, so that will automatically make them responsible. Looking at life in this way is very much based on the belief that someone is either a victim or a perpetrator. And what the people at the top realise is that one of the best ways to control people is to keep them divided. Divide and Rule Demonizing white people is undoubtedly a great way to create division and to make it harder for humanity to be able to work together. This also makes it harder for some people to take a balanced look at what happened in the past and to provide the right assistance for the people who have been affected by what their ancestors went through – assistance that will allow them to stand on their own two feet, as opposed to being dependent on the government, for instance. If someone feels weighed down by what their ancestors went through, it can show that what they went through has been passed down to them. It then won’t matter how long ago it was, as they will be carrying ancestral trauma. Conclusion Upon realising this, they can continue to blame others and to feel like a victim - which will add even more drama to the world and stop them from being able to grow - or they can take responsibility for what they are carrying. Something called family constellation therapy can allow someone to resolve what has been passed down to them, thereby allowing them to finally embrace their inherent power. Ultimately, one is not going to be here forever, and dealing with their own baggage will greatly improve their own life and the lives of those who will come after them. They will be leading by example.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is in a position where their inner world is generally out of control, for instance, they may believe that they have mental health problems. This could have taken place after they did some research online, or it could be the result of what their doctor has said to them.
Then again, their friends and/or family may have played a big part in what they believe. Before they came to this conclusion they might have had no idea about what was going on, meaning that labelling themselves in this way may have been reassuring. A Closer Look If they were to describe how they experience life, they may say that their thoughts are often out of control. Along with this, it might also be a challenge for them to handle how they feel. It can then be as though they are all at sea within and that they don’t have the ability to handle their own emotions. On the other hand, they may be more specific; with anxiety or fear being something that makes it more or less impossible for them to function in their day-to-day life. Weighed Down Experiencing all this arousal is likely to take a lot out of them, which may mean that they spend a lot of time feeling burnt out. Conversely, they may spend a lot of their life feeling flat. It is then going to be difficult for them to find the energy that they need to in order to do the basics things in life, let alone to achieve anything significant. Being alive can be a burden, and it may seem as though they have no reason for being here. Another Scenario What they may find is that they feel completely worthless and as though they don’t deserve to exist. There may then be moments when their mind is filled with suicidal thoughts, and they may even self-harm. However, regardless of what someone is going through, what is clear is that it is going to stop them from being able to appreciate their time on this earth. But, they may believe that the sooner they sort out their mental health, the better their life will be. The Key Area It can then be as though what is going on inside their head is the problem and, if this was to change, their whole life would change. They may even believe that they have chemical imbalance, with this being the reason why they are not in a good way. There will then be the negative thoughts and feelings and behind all this will be an imbalance when it comes to their neurotransmitters. For some unknown reason, their brain won’t be functioning as it should. The Reason On the other hand, they may have been told that the reason their brain is not working properly is because of their genetics. They were then born with faulty DNA and hearing this may cause them to feel even worse; that is, of course, unless finally finding out about what is wrong with them doesn’t cause them to experience a sense of relief. So, in the same way that there is physical illness, they will have what is known as a ‘mental illness’. And as it can be normal for them to take a pill when their body is not functioning in the right way, it will then be normal for them to take a pill if their brain is playing up. The Perfect Scenario It is surely a dream come true for the drug industry to have so many people on the planet who believe that their inner challenges are result of a chemical imbalance in their brain. Having said that, they have undoubtedly played a part in this, so it’s not as though it just happened. For a while now, the drug industry has played a big part in the kind of relationship that so many people have with their own bodies, and now they are playing a big part in the kind of relationship that so many people have with their own brain. In both cases, the answer to their problems is always out there. The Same Old Story It can seem as if the drug industry is there to help people; when in reality, this industry is there to make money. The best way to do this is to not only keep people dependent and out of touch with themselves – it is to keep them ill, along with redefining normal human experiences as being a sign of ‘mental illness’. Therefore, there will be the people who are not in a good way and then there will be the people who will come to believe that there is something wrong with them after they have been diagnosed by the experts. Anyway, while the term ‘mental illness’ is not bad per se, it can create the impression that inner problems are the result of having a faulty brain. The Tip Of The Iceberg What this then does is completely disregards what is taking place in someone’s body. This part of them is then not going to play a part when it comes to how they feel or what thoughts they have, for instance. In many ways, the body can be seen as the root and the head can be seen as the flower. Therefore, when someone tries to change their inner experience by focusing on their brain, it will be similar to trying to remove a weed by cutting off the top. The Main Area This is where human beings carry trauma, and this can relate to what they have experienced since the moment they were born - and even what took place in the womb - and it can relate to what their ancestors experienced. The enteric nervous system, another brain, is also found in the stomach. It has been said that over ninety percent of serotonin and over fifty percent of dopamine is made in this area. Taking all this into account, if someone wants to feel good about themselves and to feel more at peace, for instance, it will be vital for them to make sure their gut microbiota is in good shape and for them to heal any trauma that they might be carrying. Awareness What this shows is how important it is to question what the so-called experts say and to look a little deeper. The drug industry also understands that it is human nature to avoid pain and this is why it can be so tempting to just take something. Getting in touch with the body and working through the pain that arises takes courage, and it takes patience and persistence. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was abused at the beginning of their life, it is likely to mean that they experienced a lot of pain during this time. In addition to this, most, if not all, of their development needs might not have been met.
As a result of this, even though a number of years will have passed since that time in their life, they might not be in a good way. It will then be clear to them that time will not heal what happened. One Big Challenge No matter what area of life they think about, it might not be going as they would like it to. Due to what they are going though, simply being alive could feel like a burden, and they may wonder if there is a reason why they are on this planet. Alternatively, they may have been able to build a career up, but their relationships could be a mess and they might have a number of addictions, for instance. In this case, it might look as though they have it all. The Same Experience So, regardless of if they have a successful career, they can still have a deep sense of emptiness. They will look like a whole human being, but it can be as though they are missing something. A lot of their life is then going to be spent trying to find something that will fill this hole. Swallowing things, eating things, buying things, drinking things, and/or falling into the arms of people can all be a way for them to achieve this outcome. A Black Hole Unfortunately, this approach will never work, and this is because this hole can’t be filled from the outside. Trying to fill this hole from the outside will be a lot like trying to clean a dirty window from the inside. Yet, while this approach is futile, it can seem as though this hole will only be filled up from the outside. Without realising it, one is going to be trapped in a game that can never be won. Another Part Along with what is going on in their own life, they may also find that they still look towards their caregivers to give them what they didn’t get as a child. It then won’t matter that they are no longer a dependent child, as they will feel like one. A big part of them might want their approval, acceptance and for them to acknowledge what took place all those years ago. And, while there is the chance that this will take place, there is also the chance that it won’t. The Ideal If their caregivers are willing to acknowledge what took place and to be there for them, it can make it easier for them to heal themselves. One option would be for one to bring their caregivers along when they have therapy, for instance. Doing this will allow them to open up about what they are going through, what went through and what they would like to receive from their caregivers at this stage in their life. Having their caregivers on board is not going to allow them to heal overnight, but it will most likely speed things up. Another Outcome Conversely, their caregivers might not be willing to do any of this, and they may even say that they didn’t abuse them. Their caregivers are then not going to be able to give them what they are looking for – just as they were unable to provide them with what they needed as a child. It can then be very similar to how they would feel if they were to end up in a relationship with someone who is not available; they can feel disconnected, powerless, hopeless, and helpless. After everything they have been through there is a strong chance that they just want to feel at peace, yet this is not going to happen all the while they need anything from the people who abused them. One Big Illusion However, although they can believe that they need their caregivers to fulfil certain needs in order to move forward, this is not the truth. The part of them that needs all these things is their wounded inner children within them. These parts of them wouldn’t have received what they needed all those years ago and now they will have taken over ones being. Therefore, although these are just parts of their being, it can be as if they are their whole being. External Support The wounded inner children within them will need to be acknowledged and to express what they were not allowed to express all those years ago. Through doing this, these parts of them will integrate with the rest of them. If one needs their caregivers to do this for them, it is likely to show that they are unable to give their inner children what they need. This is why a therapist/healer can make such a difference, as they will provide the support that they need. Awareness In the beginning it can be as though their survival rests upon their caregivers acknowledging what took place, and, as time goes by, they will be able to see that this is just one big illusion. This will be a time when one will need to be patient and persistent, but it will be worth it in the long run. There will come a time when they will no longer look for something that can’t be provided, allowing them to settle down and to feel at peace. What they may also find is that doing this kind of work allows them to be more present, which will allow them to attract people who are available and to let go of the ones who aren’t.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although a woman may find that it is relatively easy for her to attract a man, what she may also find is that she is unable to find a man who actually wants a relationship. This may mean that she has been with a number of men who were emotionally unavailable.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that she was able to realise this when she first met each of these men. Therefore, each time she met one of these men, she may have believed that her luck was about to change. Up and Down She would have experienced certain feelings and thoughts at the beginning and, after a certain amount of time passed, her inner world would have changed. It may have been as though she was flying at one point and at another; her wings had been taken away. If she did end up falling down emotionally, it might then have had an impact on every other area of her life. She may have alternated between feeling angry at the guy she was with and feeling angry at herself. Two Options At this point, she might decide to take a break from men and to focus on other areas of her life. But, even if she was to take this route, it might only be a matter of time before she feels the urge to find a man who is available. Conversely, it might only be a matter of time before she ends up coming into contact with a guy who she believes is available. It might be different this time, but then again, it may end up being just the same as before. The Third Option Another approach would be for the woman to take a step back and to think about why she has the tendency to attract these kinds of men. She will be the person who shows up each time, so it is not as though she is just an observer of what is taking place. If she is too attached to her mind, it might not be possible for her to accept this. There will then be no reason for her to look within or to change her behaviour, as it will simply be about finding the right man. External Focus Consequently, she may feel the need to learn about how to spot a man who is not available. Looking within and finding out about what part she is playing is likely to be better, but this will be better than nothing. At least if she does find out about what the signs are, she will be able to walk away a lot sooner. By focusing entirely on the external world, it will help to minimize the amount of pain that she will have to experience. Early On What she may find out is that if a man comes on really strong at the beginning, it could show that he is not available. For so long, she may have believed that this meant that he was ready to have a relationship. The reason this is likely to show that something isn’t right is because the man won’t know much about the woman, yet he will be willing to offer so much – or so it seems. If a man actually wanted to have a relationship with a woman, he would take the time to get to know her. The Sensible Approach This is similar to similar to how he wouldn’t just give a job to anyone if he wanted to hire someone who would have a positive effect on his business. If a man creates the impression that he is willing to jump into a relationship more or less straight away, it can show that he only has the ability to connect mentally and physically. It is then not that he needs to protect his heart by getting to know a woman first, as this part of him is not open anyway. His primary need can be to experience physical pleasure and to fulfil his need for attention and approval, for instance. Two Parts What can fuel his need to connect so soon is the feeling of rejection and/or abandonment, and, what can push him away - as the relationship develops - is the feeling of being smothered. Feeling this way can then cause the man to disappear, only to return once he starts to get in touch with the feelings that made him come on strong to begin with. This is not always going to happen, though, and the man may not come on very strong in the beginning. Still, he may have the inclination to talk about his ex a lot or even put forward the idea of having an open relationship. Physically Present, Emotionally Absent When it comes to the former, this can show that he is still emotionally attached to his ex, meaning that he is only able to offer part of himself to another woman. Being with another woman could simply be a way for him to avoid how he feels. If he was to put forward the idea of an open relationship, it could show that he only has his body and mind to offer. It is then not that he wants a relationship; it is more a case of having a number of women available who will fulfil his ‘lower’ needs. A Clear Sign A man might go one step further than this and end up having a number of different affairs. Going with other women can allow the man to experience a sense of freedom, with this being a way for him to regain his boundaries. Getting close to a woman will erode his sense of self and getting away from her will rebuild it. Thus, while this will take care of his sexual needs, it can be more about gaining a sense of control. Awareness These are just a few of the things that a woman can look out for if she is looking to have a relationship. If she was to look within and to see what part she is playing in all this, it is likely to make it easier for her to find a man who is available. One of the things that might be stopping her from finding a man who is able to fully show up is the fear of being seen, along with a fear of being smothered. One way for her to shed light on why this area of her life is this way will be for her to look into what took place during her early years. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that a big part of success is simply turning up, and this shows how important it is to take the first step. If the first step is not taken, it won’t be possible for someone to get the ball rolling, so to speak.
What typically stops someone from taking the first step is fear, and, once they have been able to take this step and to see that there is nothing to worry about, it will be a lot easier for them to keep going. The momentum will build and it can be as though they are rolling down a hill, whereas before it might have been as though were trying to roll up a hill. Another Area And in the same way that taking the first step can be a challenge when it comes to achieving a specific goal, it can also be a challenge for someone to reach out for the support that they need. In this case, one is not going to take the first step; what they will do is suffer in silence. One could be in a position where they have mental and emotional problems and/or they could have relational challenges. But, no matter what they are going through, they won’t do anything about it. External Feedback However, even though there is resistance on their part, there is the chance that other people will give them the encouragement that they need. A friend or a family member, for instance, might give them a helping hand. They may tell them that it is essential for them to get the assistance that they need, and that they can just give up on themselves. This might give one the spark that they need to do something. The Ideal If this was to happen, it could be a sign that one is in a position where they have the right people in their like. These are not going to be people who don’t want to undermine them; they will be people who want them to live a good life. Thanks to these people, it won’t be possible for one to simply suffer in silence. It is then going to be irrelevant as to whether they a related by blood or not, as they will have their back, so to speak. Another Scenario At the same time, one could keep what they are going through to themselves. Therefore, when they are around others, they could create the impression that everything is fine. Instead of letting the people in their life know what they are going through, so that they can assist them, they will put on an act. It is then not that they won’t have anyone in their life who can support them, it is that they won’t embrace this support. Isolated Due to this, they may as well be in a position where they haven’t got any friends or family around them. There will be a bridge in front of them, with friends and even family on the other side, but they won’t walk over it. One might not even be in this position, though, and they might not have anyone in their life who they are close to. Thus, regardless of what they are going through, there is not going to be anyone there to notice. Self-Sabotage Whether one has people in their life who care about them or not, they should just reach out for the support that they need. There is a strong chance that they would reach out for food if they were hungry, so why aren’t they doing the same thing here? What is perfectly clear is that one is not working with themselves; they are working against themselves. Although they are one person, it is going to be as if they have one person inside them who needs help and another person inside them that won’t do anything about it. The Fear of Being Seen Something within them is going to be stopping them from reaching out, and, unless this changes, their life will stay the same – that’s if it doesn’t get even worse. The big question is: what is it that is stopping them? If one was able to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they believe they will be rejected and abandoned if open up and ask for assistance. What this can then show is that they believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, which is why they need to hide themselves. Trapped What they believe will happen if they open up and reach out for support will have created a wall around them. This invisible wall will be no different to a physical wall, inasmuch as they won’t be able to get to others and others won’t be able to get to them. One is then going to be a human being but, due to what is going on within them, it will be as if they are different in some way to other people. What they are going through will be tough, yet opening up and reaching out for support will be seen as being far worse. Why Is This? When someone has the need to hide their true-self in this way, and, has a fear of being seen, it is likely to be the result of what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. How they were treated at this time in their life would have been seen as a reflection of how flawed they were. When in reality, the only reason they were treated in way was because their caregiver/s were in pain. Awareness As they were egocentric, dependent, and lacked the ability to think clearly at this time in their life, it would have stopped them from being able to realise this. Not only would these early experiences have caused them to suffer; they would have set them up to create certain beliefs that would make it harder for them to reach out for the assistance that they need as an adult. Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with them, and this is something they will understand if they get the right support and heal their wounds. There are likely to be plenty of people who are in the same position as they are, just as there are likely to be plenty of people who have moved beyond the challenges that they are currently experiencing. The support that they are looking for can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is often said that there is the being and then there is the doing, and that both of these aspects are important. Therefore, if someone can only embrace one of these aspects, they are going to be out of balance.
Another way to look at this dynamic would be to be to say that there is the masculine and then there is the feminine. When one is simply being, they will be in their feminine; whereas when they are doing, they will be in their masculine. Lopsided The feminine part of them will tell them that their value is based on who they are, yet the masculine part of them will tell them that it is based on what they do. Therefore, if one has not integrated the former, they can be out of touch with their inherent value. On the other hand, if one has not integrated the latter, they won’t feel as though they need to work for anything and that everything should be provided for them. Both of these scenarios will lead to problems, problems that will hold them back in one way or another. A Machine So, when one is out of touch with their inherent worth, they can end up trying to compensate for how worthless they feel. They will believe that their value is defined by what they achieve, meaning that their whole life could revolve around trying to achieve things. But, even after they have achieved something, they probably won’t be able to savour the moment. How they feel at a deeper level will start to rise up again, causing them to look for something else to achieve. Stuck On a Treadmill In a way, it will be as though they are trying to attain the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. They won’t be able to attain this gold, but they will compromise their health and wellbeing, for instance, in order to try to get it. If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they might see how futile this is. However, the pain that is within them is likely to stop them from be able to do this. Running Away As stressful as it will be for them to live in this manner, facing what is going on within them will be far more painful. They could believe that they only have two options: either they face how they feel and feel worthless, or they try to change how they feel by being successful. Consequently, this person is not going to think about being, let alone allow themselves to be. They will be a human being, that much is clear, but that will be as far as it will go; it won’t be possible for them to act like one. Another Option Alternatively, someone like this could just face how they feel and not try to do anything about it. This will probably mean that they won’t achieve very much, and they might also be used to feeling depressed. So while the person above will have taken a masculine approach, this person will have taken a feminine approach. The first is resisting their true feelings, yet the second person has given in to them. The Other Side When it comes to someone who is out of touch with their masculine aspect, they can have a strong sense of entitlement. It can be as though their mere existent gives them the right to have everything they desire. They are likely to see themselves as being special and different, so it is to be expected that they would behave in this way. There are a number of things that can define whether or not this person’s reality matches up with what they believe. For Example If someone was to come from a well-to-do background, their family might give them everything they need. There is then going to be no need for them to work for anything, as it will be dropped right into their lap – that is unless their family’s financial position changes. Along with this, an attractive man or woman can also expect special treatment from strangers and the people that they date. Due to how they look, it is not going to be a challenge for them to fulfil this need – that is until they get older Way Back What generally plays the biggest part in an adult’s masculine and feminine development is what took place during their early years. For arguments sake, the feminine aspect is usually developed by having a mother who loves unconsciously, and the masculine aspect is usually developed by having a father who loves conditionally. Each parent then plays a vital role, a role that will allow the child to develop into a balanced human being. The mother will show them that they are inherently valuable, and the father will show them that while they are valuable, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have to work for things. Competence The mother will help the child to cultivate self-worth and the father will help the child to cultivate self-esteem, and these two elements are also connected. Putting effort in to attain things will not only allow the child to develop a sense of competence, it will also allow them to be confident too. If a child was to grow up with only one of these influences, it could set them up to experience problems as an adult. This can be what happens when a child only has one parent around, but it can also take place when there are two. A Closer Look The child could have only one parent around and this parent could constantly tell them how wonderful they are, or they could abuse/or neglect them. This may then cause the child to develop a strong sense of entitlement, or they could turn into a human doing who hates themselves. Then again, a child could have two parents around and still end up developing problems. One parent could be emotionally absent and the other could see them as an extension of themselves. A Grey Area The love that they need won’t be provided, which might set them up to behave as though they are a machine. What this shows is that it is not enough just to have two parents; they both need to be healthy people This is why it is not necessarily going to be better for a child to have two parents than it will be for them to have one. Having one good parent and a grandparent, for instance, is going to be better than having two bad parents and no one else available. Awareness If someone can see their one side of their nature is out of balance, and they want to change their life, it will be essential for them to reach out for support. This is something can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The mainstream media often talks about people who have caused offence and how these people need to apologise for what they have done. Additionally, it is not uncommon for people in the public eye also say this.
Based on this, offending someone is tantamount to physically harming them. So, in the same way that there will be a ‘victim’ and a ‘perpetrator’ when someone is physically harmed, it will be as though the same dynamic exists when someone ends up being offended. The New Weapons It will then be as if harmful things will come out of one person’s mouth and these things will end up harming the other persons being. The perpetrator may have been a few feet away or even hundreds of miles away, but they will still have been able to harm them. One way to look at this would be to say that they have some kind of super power, a power that allows them to physically attack another person without going anywhere near them. It is then surely a case when, not if, a number weapons manufacturers will be in touch with them. Too Much Power Through the words that come out of their mouth, this person will have an incredible amount of power to cause harm. In addition to people able to cause harm to someone who lives miles away, they will be able to harm more than one person at a time. In general they might not end anyone’s life, but what they will do is leave people in a bad way. The amount of people that they harm can all depend on how well know they are and if they have a platform online. The Only Answer It will be essential for something to be done about someone like this, to make sure that even more people are not harmed. Banning them from using different social media sites will help with this. Another option would be to put them in jail for what they have done; this would stop them from being able to harm anyone else. Forcing them to resign might also be a way to get them to close their mouth more. A Safer World Once someone like this is either too fearful to speak out as much or behind bars, for instance, it will be much better for everyone. People will be able to live their life without having to worry about being harmed by what comes out of this person’s mouth. That is, of course, until someone else says something that causes harm. But, as more and more people are dealt with for causing harm, the more that the general population will get the message that they need to watch what they say. Completely Astounded While there are going to be people who will be on board with what has been said above, there are going to be others who aren’t. As far as they are concerned, offence could be seen as something that is taken, not given. And the view that someone can be harmed by words in the same way that they can be harmed by physical force, can be seen as having no basis in reality. Hearing about all this can cause them to conclude that they are now living in a world that has a lot in common with a number of the dystopian novels that have been written over the years. It’s All about Control In their mind, controlling what people can and can’t say is not going to be about protecting people; what it is going to be about is controlling people. Ultimately, if you control what people say and therefore, what they think, it is naturally going to be a lot easier to keep them inline – to round them up like sheep or cattle. But, if the establishment was to come clean about what is going on, even more people would resist what is taking place. This is why they need to equate being offended with being physically harmed, as this will create the impression that controlling what people can and can’t say is the moral thing to do. The Death of Emotional Responsibility It is then as though someone has absolutely no control over how they respond when they hear or read something that has come out of another person’s mouth; the other person has complete control over their inner world. Through having this outlook, it is going to be normal for them to try to silence others. What it really comes down to is that they haven’t developed the ability to regulate their own emotions and thoughts, and this is why they have the need to control other people’s thoughts and emotions. Ideally, someone like this would be encouraged to develop this ability; this would allow them to develop self-control and it would make it easier for other people to express themselves. ‘A Useful Idiot’ The trouble is that someone like this is an important part of the plan that is being carried out; without people like this, this plan wouldn’t materialise. Through being so caught up in their own needs and being unable to see the big picture, it is not going to be possible for them to realise that they will suffer in the long-term. Other people are losing the freedom to speak out, this is clear, and this will also have an impact on what they can say as time goes by. For them to see what it going on, they will need to put their own needs to one side. Conclusion Controlling what can and can’t be said in order to make sure that people or certain groups are not offended doesn’t serve a free society. The idea that someone can live in world where they won’t be offended is similar to believing that they can live in a world where they won’t experience pain. In the same way that pain is part of life, being offend is also part of life – that’s not to say that how someone interprets what they hear or read doesn’t play a part in whether or not they are offended. The only way to avoid being offended would be for someone to isolate themselves from everyone. This would end up creating another problem, that of feeling cut-off and lonely. Even so, having this experience might allow them to realise that while being offended doesn’t feel good, being around others and expressing themselves is not something they are willing to lose.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Pain is something that everyone on the planet experiences and, therefore, it is one of the things that connect human beings. However, although pain is something that can’t be avoided, it doesn’t mean that everyone is willing to accept this.
When someone is not willing to accept that this is the case, they can end up trying to take other peoples pain away. It will be as though it is their responsibility to make sure that other people feel good. A Big Difference Now, this doesn’t mean that they will simply listen to what is going on for another person and to offer solutions if it is necessary, for instance. No, what it means is that they will try to rescue or save them. So, instead of being with their experience and acknowledging what they are going through, they will disregard what they are going through. It is then as though they are not really interested in assisting them. Overstepping the Mark The other person might feel better after coming into contact with them, but there is also the chance that they will end up being dependent on them. Thus, if one was to no longer spend time with them, the other person could end up returning to how they felt before. One is then not going to be putting tape over leaks in people’s roofs; they will be putting tape over people’s emotional wounds. But, even though they will be stopping people from facing their own wounds and being able to stand on their own two feet, they will believe that they are doing the right thing. Socially Acceptable The people they try to save, along with plenty of others, will see them in a positive light. At the same time, as time passes these people could end up feeling as though one also stops them from being able to live their own life and expressing themselves. Part of them is then going to appreciate what one does for them, while another part of them will feel held back by it. When it comes to the reason why one is likely receive a lot of positive feedback for behaving in this way, it is going to come down to the fact that just about every level of society supports this kind of behaviour. It’s everywhere No matter whether it relates to personal relationships or to different social programs, it is often believed that the best way to assist another person is to rescue them. The main thing that this does is make someone, or a group of people, feel better about themselves. What it rarely does is give someone the tools that they need to be empowered, thereby allowing them to stand on their own two feet. It could then be said that while it may seem as though the intention is to make a difference, this is not the complete truth. An Illusion When someone is held back by the support that they are given, it can show that the purpose of this support was not to actually assist them. The primary reason why another person is there for them could be to allow them to avoid their own issues. So, when one has the tendency to try to take other peoples pain away, this could be a way of them to keep their own pain at bay. Seeing another person in pain could remind them of their own pain, and trying to stop them from expressing how they feel will be a way for one to make sure their own pain doesn’t end up being triggered. It Just Happens This is not to say that one will be aware of how they feel just before they try to stop another person from expressing how they feel. They might experience a momentary sense of discomfort, which will give them the urge to take action. There is the chance that they have behaved in this way for a number of years, and if they were to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they might end up being overwhelmed by how they feel. The defence that they had in place – rescuing others – will no longer be there, causing them to come face to face with their own emotional wounds. Awareness It will be hard for them to handle this pain in the beginning, and this is why it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. The external support that someone like this provides will make it easier for one to face how they feel. They can then begin to work through their emotional wounds, and, as this takes place, their need to rescue others will gradually subside.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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