If a man is straight, it could be said that it will be normal for him to have the need to be seen as desirable to the opposite sex. And while this could apply to women in general, it could have far more to do with the type of women that he finds attractive.
Through being seen as desirable, a man can feel good about his appearance and he can feel about himself. Therefore, this is something that is going to have a positive effect on his wellbeing. Two Parts However, although he may appreciate the feedback that he gets from women, it doesn’t mean that he will be dependent on it. The reason for this is that he may be able to source validation from inside himself. Not only this, his whole identity might not be built around him being a desirable man. Thanks to this, the need will be there but even though it is there, it won’t be something that consumes his whole life, and, he will be able to feel good about himself even if this need is not always met. One Scenario So if the man is single, he will appreciate the positive feedback that he receives from women, yet it won’t be a need that takes over his whole life. This will allow him to focus on other areas of his life as opposed to being out of balance. Said another way, he could spend time doing things to make sure that he looks his best but this won’t be something that he is obsessed with. His whole life is then not going revolve around the need to receive this type of feedback from women. Another Scenario On the other hand, if the man is not single, his need for positive feedback from women may have settled down slightly. This will show that what made up this desire was his need to find someone and the need that he has within him. It could be said that the need that he has within him is partly due to his need to reproduce and partly due to his ego. Ergo, now that he has found a woman, it is to be expected that the strength of this need would have settled down. A Key Part As has been mentioned above, being able to source validation from the inside is going to play a part here. This inner validation will also allow him to connect to the self-acceptance and the masculine element that is inside him. Thanks to the connection that he has with this part of him, he won’t have a strong need for other people to affirm this part of his nature. Still, it might seem as if a man’s need to be seen as desirable has got very little to do with the masculine element. A Different Experience While this is how some men can be, there can be others that are completely dependent on this type of feedback. In order for a man like this to feel a certain way, he will need women to see him as desirable. What this can illustrate is that his whole identity is based on him being seen as a desirable man. Thus, if he goes too long without receiving positive feedback from a woman, he could soon end up feeling low. One Focus Consequently, he may neglect other areas of his life, or he could end up doing things for the wrong reasons. If the former occurs, it could mean that he doesn’t direct much of his attention towards his career or his relationships. Whereas if the latter occurs, it could mean that most of his energy is directed into things that will elevate his desirability in the eyes of women. Naturally, this is going to make it hard for him to pay attention to all of his needs and to be true to himself. Two Scenarios It might not matter if he is single or in a relationship, as this need could still be just as strong. If he is single, he could spend a lot of time and energy pursuing women and having sex with them. Yet if he is in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that this need will settle down. Instead, his need to be seen as desirable could be just as strong and, as it is so strong, he could end up going with other women. A Closer Look If a man like this was asked why he has such a strong need to be desired by women or a certain type of woman, he could simply say that this is just part of being a man. Furthermore, he could say that this is just something that feels good. It can be hard to deny with this; even so, there is a big difference between this need being something that is part of being a man and this need being something that consumes a man’s entire existence. When it consumes his entire existence, it will most likely lead to problems and it could show that something isn’t right. Going Deeper The reason a man like this can be dependent on this type of feedback from women or a certain type of woman, can be because he is unable to source certain feelings from within. Receiving this type feedback will allow him to feel good about himself, but there can be far more to it. Under the need to be seen as desirable, the man can have the need for his masculinity to be affirmed. The need to be desired by women will then have very little to do with the feminine element and lot to do with the masculine element. Why Is This? At one point in his life, this man may have come to believe that the way for him to be seen as a man is for him to be highly desirable to women. This is why he has such a strong need to be seen as desirable. If this feedback isn’t forthcoming, he might end up feeling powerless, inadequate and worthless. There is then a strong chance that this man didn’t receive the positive affirmation that he needed from his father during his early years. The Root If his father had provided the positive feedback and the guidance that he needed during this stage of his life, he probably would have grown up to feel comfortable with his own masculinity. With this part in place, there would have been no reason for him to get caught up in the view that he is only a man if he is highly desirable to women. When he was growing up, his father might not have been around or, if he was, he might have undermined him. Either way, he wouldn’t have received what he needed to develop a strong sense of self. Awareness If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. This can be a time when he will be questioning the beliefs that he has formed and working through emotional wounds.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When someone gets into self-development, it could be because they have mental and emotional challenges. As a result of this, they can look for a way to change how they experience life.
One thing that they can end up being told is that their thoughts create their feelings, which can give them the need to control their thoughts. Once they have learnt how to master their mind, then, their mental and emotional health should improve. On The Surface This is going to mean that all of their attention is going to be aimed at what is taking place in their head; what is going on in their body will be overlooked. Even so, this doesn’t mean this will cross one’s mind. Due to what they have learnt, they could believe that it is all about their mind. Therefore, even if they were to think about how their body may be having an effect, it could soon leave their mind. The Answer If their mental and emotional health does improve by changing what is up going on up top, there will be no reason for them to change their approach. They will have found what they need, thereby allowing them to carry on with the rest of their life. However, even if this approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean that they will look deeper into what is going on. Now, this can come down to the fact that they are not aware that they can go deeper than this. Another Reason Nonetheless, if they are curious and continue to look for answers, it might only be a matter of time before they do look deeper into what is going on. Then again, this could come down to the fact that they are not ready to go deeper. What this could illustrate is that one is carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; with this being pain that they are not ready to face. Focusing on what is taking place up top is then going to be the best thing for them to do at this stage of their personal evolution. Still There Over the years, their mind will have most likely built up many defences as a way to keep this pan at bay. Although this will have caused them to lose touch with a big part of themselves, it would have also protected them. Perhaps there was a time when one experienced something traumatic or maybe a certain stage of their life was very traumatic. Consciously, one may even have forgotten about what took place, but their body will still remember. Final Thoughts When the time is right, one may end up working through the pain that is being held in their body. One thing that could bring this pain up to the surface is if they were to work with a therapist who they felt safe with. Through feeling safe in the presence of someone like this, what has been hidden inside them could start to enter their conscious mind. Another thing that could trigger this pain is the loss of a loved one or a breakup, for instance. If this was to happen, it would probably be a good idea for them to reach out for external assistance. They might not feel ready to handle the pain that has come up, yet that doesn’t mean that the time won’t be right for them to face it or that they are not strong enough.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is an adult, it could be said that they won’t need the same things that they needed when they were a child. This comes down to the fact that they will have grown out of a number of these needs.
As a result of this, what they look for from others is going to be different to what they looked for from their caregivers. Therefore, there will be what they needed then and there will be what they need now. Far more to it Yet, although this can sound accurate, this might not actually be the case. One will no longer be a child, that much is clear; but that doesn’t mean that they always feel like an adult and therefore, only have adult needs. It might be hard to understand how some of one’s need’s can be child needs, even though they look like an adult. Their external appearance is then not going to completely match up with what is taking place inside them. Adult Needs Ones child needs are going to mix with their adult needs, which can make it hard for them to know if they are operating from their adult self or their child self. When they are coming from their adult self, their needs can be reasonable. For example, one can need another person to listen to them, to treat them with respect, to accept them, and to support them, amongst other things. This will apply to their friendships and to their romantic relationships. Looking Closer The things that they need from others are likely to be the same things that other people need from them; that is unless they are operating from their child self. If they are not the same, they are likely to be very similar. This is not to say that one is entitled to things but, if someone is unable to fulfil needs like these, they can find someone who can. If they value themselves, they are not going to want to spend time with someone who is unable to meet their basic needs. Child Needs On the other hand, when one is operating from their child self, their needs can be anything but reasonable. For example, one can need another person to always be available, to love and accept them unconditionally, to make them the most important person in their life, and to always put their needs first. And, although one can look towards their friends to fulfil these needs, they are more likely to look towards a romantic partner to fulfil them. Their romantic partner could also look to them to fulfil the same needs. Totally Unrealistic At the beginning of a relationship, it may be possible for someone to meet a number of the needs that their child self has. Nonetheless, as time goes by, this could start to change. There may be times when their partner has other things going on and is unable to see them, and there will be other things in their life that are also important to them. Ultimately, unlike a caregiver, this person won’t always be available and neither will they be there to fulfil all of their needs. Conflict If one is unable to realise that they have merged with their child self, and are expecting things that can’t be provided, they can get angry at their partner. One could come to believe they are with the wrong person and they might soon find someone else. Ending the relationship and finding someone else may allow them to fulfil some of the needs of their child self, but they will probably end up in the same position before long. The key will be for them to become aware of what is taking place and to change their approach. Waking Up Firstly, they will need to become aware of when they are merging with their child self, and secondly, they will need to give this part of them what it needs. If their child self is in a lot of pain, it can be hard for them to be with this part of them. They will merge with this part of them and, once they become aware of what is going on, they could lay into themselves. It will be essential for them to be kind to themselves during this time. Inner Child Work If someone’s child self is not in a good way and is very needy, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. As a child, then, they wouldn’t have received what they needed to be able to develop in the right way. Many years will have passed since they were a small child, but the child that they once were will now exist inside them. This part of them will want to be seen and heard, and to express what it couldn’t say all those years ago. Awareness When one is in touch with their adult self and is able to be there for their child self, they can reparent the child that is inside them. This will allow one to give this part of them what it didn’t receive all those years ago. To be able to do this, however, one may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or healer, one may find that they are able to be there for their inner child and not to completely lose themselves. This external support will allow them to work through some of their pain and to develop their adult self in the process. The stronger their adult self gets, the easier it should be for them to hold the space for this part of them and to heal themselves.
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It could be said that someone’s life would be a lot easier if they were unable to experience emotions. The primary reason for this is that they would no longer experience emotional pain.
As a result of this, they would never feel sad, powerless, helpless, or hopeless, and fear and anxiety would no longer bother them either. This would allow them to lead a more centred life. The Downside Living in this way wouldn’t come without its problems, though, as one would most likely lead a life that lacks depth. They would live an empty existence, due to the part of themselves that provides meaning and a sense of wholeness being offline. Not only does this part of them provide meaning, it is also what allows them to feel connected to others and the planet. Therefore, while experiencing emotions will be hard for them at times, it would be far worse is they were not able to experience them. Hard To Accept However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone will be able to accept this. If someone experiences a lot of emotional pain, for instance, they may believe that their life would be better if they could no longer feel. Yet, given what they often go through, it is not exactly going to be a surprise for them to have this outlook. Their life is not going to be very enjoyable; it could seem as if they are being punished. No Stability And even when they are not in a lot of emotional pain, they could wonder how long it will be until they are. Before long, something could take place that will completely change their inner world. This could take place after another person has said something negative about them or tried to walk over them. Something else that could cause them to come crashing down is a break up or an argument. All Over the Place It will be clear that it will be more or less impossible for one to handle how they feel. Instead of their emotional self being another part of their being, it will be a part of them that has the tendency to take over their whole being. If they were able to contain their feelings and they didn’t take over, their life would be very different. One wouldn’t be a small boat that is tossed around by every wave; they would be a big ship that has the ability handle most waves. One Approach If one was able to step back and came to the conclusion that they need to do something about their life, they might end up looking for a book to read. Conversely, they could look online for answers. What they may learn is that they to develop the ability to manage their thoughts, with this being the reason why their feelings are often out of control. Once they can do this, they will become emotionally strong. Support Being mindful of what thoughts they entertain, and what thoughts they think, will allow them to have different feelings. The positive feelings that they end up having can give them the strength that they need to feel strong and to achieve their goals. Said another way, ones emotional body will be working with their mind as opposed to against it. After putting these steps into practice for a little while, they may find that their life starts to change. An Unexpected Outcome Then again, one could find that focusing on what is taking place in their head doesn’t have much of an effect on them. Now, this could be a sign that they need to hang in there and to keep going until it works. At the same time, it could show that they need to try a completely different approach. There is the chance that one’s emotional body is carrying a lot of emotional pain and this is then why they find it hard to handle their emotions. A Missing Ability If they are carrying a lot of emotional pain, it could also show that they didn’t receive the type of care that they needed in order to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. What should have been a time when they were built up would have been a time when they were traumatised on a regular basis. This would have caused them to suffer as a child and it will still be causing them to suffer as an adult. A Totally Different Approach The emotional pain that has stayed trapped in their body will most likely need to be worked through. This can involve facing how they feel and feeling their feelings to their completion. To do this, one will most likely need to reach out for external support. The reason for this is that these feelings will be too much for them to handle and this will have stopped them from being able to consciously work through them. Awareness A therapist or a healer, for instance, can provide the presence that one needs so that they can go where they wouldn’t by themselves. This person will be like the scaffolding that is needed while a building is being strengthened. The main thing will be for them to reach out for assistance and to keep going no matter what. As for how long this process will take, how long is a piece of string?
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There is a strong chance that someone will have heard, at least once, that they shouldn’t judge others. If they are into self-development/spirituality, they may have heard this more times than they can remember.
One way to look at this would be to say that this is sage advice. For one thing, one doesn’t know what another person has been through and, for another thing, it’s not as though they are perfect. Resistance There are, of course numerous other reasons that could be put forward when it comes to why one shouldn’t just others. So, by believing that it is wrong to judge others, they could do everything they can not to judge them. The outcome of this is that one can end up using a lot of energy and they can find that they experience a fair amount of guilt and even shame. Therefore, even if they become less judgemental, it will come at a price. Caught Up If, on the other hand, one was able to become aware of when they judge others and didn’t end up feeling guilty or ashamed, it would be far better. There is no reason for one to beat themselves up. However, in order for one to get to this point, they will probably need to realise that they are not consciously choosing to judge others. When they can see that this is something that takes place involuntarily, they will be able to be a lot kinder to themselves. Stepping Back If one believes that they are choosing to do this, it will be normal for them to lay into themselves. And if one was told that they shouldn’t judge others, it is not a surprise if they have this outlook. The person - or quote - that told them this would have made out that this was something that they do consciously. Thus, as they don’t have the understanding that this is not the case, this will have become another way for them to tear themselves down. The Watcher The truth is that one is not their mind; they are the observer of their mind. Taking this into account, one’s mind can make a judgment about someone and they can simply let this judgment pass them by. The judgment will only become a problem if they allow themselves to identify with it, which will have an impact on how they behave. One can then see that this is just something that their mind does and they won’t need to blame themselves for it. Final Thoughts What can make it easier for one to do this is mediation as this will allow them to develop their ability to observe their mind. Another thing that can play a part here is if one heals their inner wounds. These inner wounds can also play a part in the judgements that their mind makes. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are people that are in touch with their inner value and then there are people that aren’t. If someone is in touch with their inherent worth, they are going to know that they deserve to receive things and to be treated well.
As a result of this, their life is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be otherwise. Receiving what they need to fulfil their ‘lower’ and as well as their ‘higher’ needs is unlikely to be a challenge. A Key Part Due to how they feel about themselves, they will most likely expect to receive whatever it is that they need. This is not to say that they will just expect everything to fall into their lap, though. What it comes down to is that they will be able to accept good things and are unlikely to do anything to sabotage themselves. In other words, they will play their part and they will know that the universe will play its part. Good Behaviour Being treated well by others is going to feel right, with their being no reason for them to tolerate any other type of behaviour. Through knowing that they are valuable, being treated badly would be something that would stand out. It wouldn’t be something that would feel comfortable, thereby allowing them to take the appropriate action. This could be a time when they would speak up or they could simply walk away. A Big Effect What will also play a part is that will expect other people to treat them well, with this being something that has a positive effect on their reality. So before they even come into connect with others, they will send out the right energy to the universe. Furthermore, if someone does treat them badly, they could believe that they are just having a bad day. Thanks to how they see themselves, what takes place could bounce right off them or only affect them for a very short period of time. Not Just an Idea If one experiences life in this way, their inner world is generally going to consist of thoughts and feelings that reflect their view of themselves. Still, this will be seen as the truth as opposed to just something that they just think and feel is true. In the same way that they wouldn’t question if their arm is part of them, they typically won’t question if they are valuable. This will be something that has seeped into every fibre of their being, allowing them to accept it totally. A Different Experience If someone is out of touch with their inherent worth, they won’t realise that they deserve to receive things and to be treated well. Consequently, they life is unlikely to be very fulfilling and it could be one big struggle. Getting their ‘lower’ needs met could be tough and getting their ‘higher’ needs met could be more or less impossible. They could often have moments when they give up, seeing no reason to do anything. One Outlook They will have played their part but it may seem as though the external world is not meeting them half way. The trouble is that if one is not aware of why their life is this way, they can see themselves as a victim. It is then not that they are experiencing life in this way because this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level; it is due to the fact that they have no control over their life. One will then have no control over their life, and it will be normal for them to feel helpless. A Deep Root When it comes to someone like this, it would be easy to say that they just need to change their thoughts and the beliefs that they have. By doing this, their inner world will change and this will cause their outer world to change. This might work or they may find that this approach doesn’t have much of an impact on their life. In this case, it could show that they need to go deeper than their mind and to connect to their body. Another Part If they were to connect to their body, what they may find is that there is a small child inside them that is not in a good way. This part of them may have been ignored by them and it may have been ignored by its caregivers when they were a small child. The years will have passed since one was a small child, but the child that they once were will still live inside them. And as they are out of touch with their value as an adult, it is likely to mean that the child inside them is also out of touch with its value. A Closer Look During their early years, one may have directly and indirectly been told that they had no value. In addition to being neglected, they may have experienced some kind of abuse. The child part of them is then going to need to know that it has value and, once it does, the adult part of them will also realise this. Another way to look at this would be to say that this part of them represents their unconscious mind. Awareness This part of them will most likely have a lot to say and a lot of pain to cry out. If one simply says positive things to this part of them and does fun things with it, for instance, it in all likelihood won’t allow them to embrace their inherent worth. This will be a time when it is primarily about letting go, not adding anything. If one finds that it is too painful for them to do this, they may need to reach out for external support. A therapist or a healer, for instance, will hold the space so that they can go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. Ones inner strength will get stronger over time and they may find that they get to a point where they no longer need as much support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It would be easy for someone to come to the conclusion that more people are into politics than ever before. One reason for this is that so much of what is spoken about on social media relates to this area.
If someone was to engage in black and white thinking, they could even believe that everyone is into this area. Yet if they were to use their ability to think, and didn’t get caught up in this type of faulty thinking, it would still be clear that this is an area that plenty of people pay attention to. A Number of Options And although some people will just share things online, there will be others that have gone even further. Some of these people will describe themselves as activists, meaning that they will spend a lot of their time attending different rallies, amongst others things. For others, this will also include writing articles, making videos and giving talks. There will even be a small amount of people who are hoping to move up the ladder and to become politicians. One Outlook One way to look at the people that spend a fair amount of their time engaged in this area would be to say that they are simply people that care. Someone like this will have a clear sense that the world isn’t right and they will want to correct this. According to this, the greater their interest, the greater their sense will be that something isn’t right. However, even if this is what is running through their conscious mind, it doesn’t mean that what is taking place in their unconscious mind is not playing a part in all this. The Difference When it comes to what is taking place at a deeper level, in their unconscious mind, this will relate to things that they are not aware of. Said another way, one can believe that they are doing something for one reason, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Behind the reason/s that they say they are doing something could be a number of other reasons, and these reasons might not have anything to do with the reason/s they are consciously aware of. One way for someone to find out why they are really drawn to this area would be to connect to themselves and to see what comes up. Going Inside This might not be as easy as it would be for them to go inside a house and to see what’s in there, though, as it could take a while for them to really tune into how they feel. One will be getting out of their head and going into their body; this is where they will be able to connect with their emotional reason/s for why they do what they do. If one is carrying a lot of emotional pain and has disconnected from their body in order to protect themselves from this pain, it could take a while for them to reconnect to it. One thing they may need to do is to reach out for external support, so that they can work through this pain. Worth the Effort Meditating a few times a week can also help them to detach from their mind and to be more objective. Anyway, through engaging in this work, one can gradually find out if they are really aware of why they are drawn to this area. If they were to find out that they are not doing it for the reason/s they thought they were, it will allow them to direct their time and energy towards the things that do matter to them. Still, it could be said it is unlikely that someone like this would take this route, due to the fact that they will probably be so caught up in what is taking place externally. Totally Absorbed Like someone who is eating their favourite food; they could be completely immersed in what is going on and have absolutely no desire to change. It is then not going to matter if they are unaware of the reason/s why they are behaving in this way. What this shows is that one thing that the political realm will do for someone is to provide them with a distraction. Instead of having to focus on their own life and any challenges that they may have, they can focus on what is going on out there. Avoidance If they were to get in touch with how they feel, they could find that they feel powerless, helpless and worthless, and their life may lack meaning. But, by focusing on the problems of the world and receiving attention from others – that’s if they go into the political arena themselves – they can keep how they feel at bay, feel strong and powerful, receive approval, and experience meaning. Thanks, in part, to the fact that there will be people who will give their power away to them, one can feel powerful by having power over others. And the further up they go, the more power they can have over the people that have renounced their own power. Another Part What this can also illustrate is that they lack boundaries, which is why they have no trouble telling others how to live their own life. Without a strong sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end, walking over others can just feel normal. For much of their own life, they may have had numerous people walk over them. Due to the profession that they are in, walking over others will just be part and parcel of their job. One More Even if one doesn’t want to get into politics and only follows what is going on, this can still take care of their adrenaline addiction. One can find that they only feel alive when their body is filled with adrenalin and, fortunately for them, there is always plenty of drama taking place in this domain. Yet, if there is very little is going on, one will be able to count on the mainstream media to create something out of nothing. Thus, while a drug addict can go to their dealer to get a hit, one can simply watch TV or read a paper to get their hit. Way Back Regardless of what point above is looked at, what took place during their early years will have most likely played a part. If one is in a lot of pain and feels powerless, worthless and hopeless, for instance, this could show that they were neglected at this stage of their life. As for not having boundaries, this may mean that they were brought up by at least one caregiver who walked over them. This would have prevented them from feeling safe in their own body and developing boundaries. If they are hooked on adrenaline, there is the chance that this time in their life was very traumatic. Perhaps they lived in a very unstable environment where they had to walk on eggshells. Conclusion Taking this into account, it shows how someone’s early years can influence what they are drawn to as an adult. Instead acting like a conscious human being, they can end up replaying their early childhood dynamics. The way for this to change, and for them to own their own inner wounds, will be for them to become aware of what they are doing. This might happen as time goes by; then again, due to how absorbing this area is it might not happen at all.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Inner Child: Does Someone Need To Develop Their Adult Self In Order To Heal Their Inner Child?8/8/2019
Although someone might not be aware of their inner child, it doesn’t mean that it won’t be having an effect on their life. Their inner child, or their inner children to be more precise as there is more than one child, can be causing them all kinds of problems.
And if one is aware of the term ‘inner child’ but they basically think that this is all a load of rubbish, it doesn’t mean that this part of them won’t be exerting an influence on their life. It’s similar to how one could deny that gravity exists, yet they would still fall down if they were to jump off of a building. A Closer Look So regardless of whether it relates to how they behave, what their relationships are like, how they feel, and whether or not they are able to achieve their goals, their inner child is likely to be involved. One can then behave in a way that leads to a negative outcome, which can cause them to wonder what they were thinking. Perhaps, one reacted negatively to something as opposed to simply responding in a calm manner. As for the people they spend time with, one could struggle to understand why they are drawn to people who are dysfunctional. A Toxic Area One could be in a relationship with someone who they are not compatible with or someone who is abusive. To be with someone who is not a match won’t be good but it will be even worse if they are with someone who treats them badly. Either way, there could be moments when they think about walking away, followed by moments when they have the need to stay where they are. If they have been able to take a step back, they may start to question who or what is actually in control of their life. Up and Down At times they may find that they feel good and then, for no apparent reason, they feel down. There could be far more to it, though, with their being times when they feel scared and fearful. They will look like an adult, but when they go into an emotional state like this, they could feel like a small, powerless child. Their adult resources will disappear, with them needing to be in the company of another person to settle them down again. One Step Forward, One Step Back Over the years, they may have had a number of goals that they haven’t been able to achieve. If they were to look back on what happened, they may find that they started and then, before long, they stopped. Anxiety and fear may have come up, and they may have doubted whether or not they deserved to have what they wanted. To get away from how they felt during these moments, they would have thrown the towel in. The Saboteur In each of these examples, ones inner child is likely to be playing a part in what is taking place. However, for them to be able to realise when this part of them is affecting their life, they will need to be able to detach from what is taking place. If they merge with this part of them, they won’t even realise that they are no longer in touch with their adult self. When this takes place, one won’t be able to be with their inner child as their inner child will have taken over. A Key Component Once it has taken over, one won’t be able to listen to what this part of them has to say and to cry out their unmet childhood needs. The only way that they will be able to do this is if they can hold the space for this part of them and to allow it to express whatever it needs to express. Just as a container will need to be strong in order to hold something, one will need to be strong in order to hold their inner child. As they build up their inner strength, they will be able to allow this part of them to get out what it couldn’t get out all those years ago. External Support And in the same way that someone would ask another person to spot for them when they are lifting a heavy weight at the gym, another person can provide them with the presence that they need to work through some of the emotional weight that is within them. By facing their emotional pain in their presence, their adult self will get stronger. The type of person who will be able to be there for them in this way will be a therapist or a healer. This will be someone who has worked through a lot of their own baggage and has developed a strong adult self, thereby allowing them to be there for them. Awareness As time goes by and their adult self gets stronger, it will be easier for them to be there for this part of them and to allow this part of them to express itself. They won’t need to change or to fix anything; they will just need to be there for this part of them, like a loving caregiver would be there for their child if they were not in a good way. Doing this work on themselves will most likely allow them to have more control over their behaviour, to have healthy relationships, enable them feel better, and to live a more fulfilling life. The main thing will be for them to keep going and not to give up on themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Authority Figures: Do Some Peoples Childhoods Set Them Up To Have Trouble With Authority Figures?7/8/2019
If someone was to reflect on how they behave when they are in the presence of an authority figure, they may find that they are typically able to hold their own. This will mean that, in general, they won’t retract and neither will they have the need to take up too much space.
In other words, they will feel comfortable enough to be themselves. Being this way is going to allow them to be in their own power and it may even cause the other person to warm to them. An Incentive If, for example, one had a job interview, being able to be themselves during this time may allow them to take the next step. Through being able to relax, who they are will come out and they will be able to create a good impression. But even if they already have a job, there is the chance that there are people above them. Being able to act normal around these people is likely to make their job a whole lot easier. In Balance In addition to being happy to listen to what an authority figure has to say and to show them respect, they may also be happy to think for themselves. Said another way, one is not going to give their power away to anyone regardless of what position they hold. Naturally, this is going to be the sensible way to behave as all authority figures are fallible human beings at the end of the day. Therefore, to see them as perfect beings that know everything wouldn’t be wise. An Important Ability Thanks to this, one will be able to pay attention to what is going on in the world, yet they won’t swallow everything wholesale. People will present information and one will come to their own conclusion. Ultimately, one will have a brain and they will want to use it, as opposed to outsourcing their brain to others. This will take more time and effort, but it may allow them to have a far greater understanding of what is actually going on in the world. The Reason If their caregivers are still alive, there is the chance that one will have a good relationship with them. What this can show is that these people treated them with respect during their early years, which is why one respects them now. It will then be clear that there is a difference between them, with them being their caregivers and not their friends, but that difference won’t have meant that one was treated as though they were less-than human. These people would have prepared them for the outside world. Another Reality Now, while there will be people in the world that typically don’t have a problem with authority figures, there will be others that do. When someone does have a problem with them, it can be a challenge for them to be themselves when they are in the company of one. One may find that they either become passive, and this causes them to feel powerless, or they become aggressive, and this allows them to feel powerful. Irrespective of whether the former or the latter occurs, it is bound to lead to problems. One Outcome If they typically lose themselves when they are in the presence of an authority figure, it could mean that they are used to being walked over. If they were to go for a job interview, they could become a nervous wreck. Expressing who they are will be a challenge and, once the interview is over, they could wonder what happened to them. If they already have a job, it might be a challenge for them to offer their input and they might be too scared to ask for a raise. Another Outcome On the other hand, if they typically become filled with aggression when they are in the presence of an authority figure, they may have the tendency to start arguments and to get into fights. If they had a job interview lined up, they might not even turn up; but if they did, they could leave a bad impression. Behaving in a civil manner is going to be a challenge and this could mean that they have a bad reputation. If they have a job, each day could be filled with drama and one could make it extremely unpleasant for most of the people that come into contact with them. Regression One way of looking at both of these examples would be to say that this is what takes place when someone regresses to an earlier stage of their life. This stops them from being able to be present and to see an authority figure as just another human being. When this happens, one will have lost their awareness and see an authority figure as their parent. Their inner parent will be projected onto the other person and they will then react to their own projection. A Closer Look During their early years, one might not have been shown the love, care and respect that they needed. Instead, this may have been a time when they were treated like dirt, setting them up to develop a negative view of themselves and people that have power. If they collapse and become passive when they are around an authority figure, it could show that it wasn’t safe for them to stand up for themselves at this time and, if they become aggressive when they are around an authority figure, it could show that there were moments when they did feel safe enough to stand up for themselves. Their caregivers would have trained them to have a dysfunctional view of authority. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change how they behave, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What someone may find, that’s if they were to go through a challenging time, is that they end up losing touch with their emotional self. Perhaps they have just experienced a break up or lost a loved one.
This wouldn’t have been something that one chose to do; it would have been something that just happened. The reason for this is that the pain would have been too much for them to handle, hence why they ended up losing touch with this part of themselves. A Different Person One will then look like a whole human being, but they won’t be operating as a whole human being. It might seem as though they no longer live on the same planet, and this is because they won’t experience life in the same way. The part of them that gives life depth - their emotional self - won’t be there to give their life meaning. In a way, it could be as though the colour has been taken out of their life, with everything being in black and white. A Loss of Enjoyment The type of things that they enjoyed doing before might no longer interest them, meaning that they might not even want to get out of bed. They may have been someone who laughed a lot, yet now that could be thing of the past. As for experiencing pleasure, this could be another thing that they are not interested in experiencing. This could then mean that they no longer reach out to their friends and stop socialising with others. The Lights Are On If they do go out, their friends may sense that they are not really there – only their body is there. It could seem as though their attention is somewhere else altogether; they could describe them as vacant. If their friends do sense this they may take a deeper look into what is taking place and see if they can help them. What could allow these people to understand what is going on is if they are aware of why one is this way. One Outcome One thing that one could end up doing, if they are emotionally numb, is to look for ways to artificially change their inner world. Instead of reaching out for assistance, they can end up drinking or taking things, for instance. This will stop them from feeling dead for a little while, yet what it won’t do is allow them to get back in touch with their emotional self. And, as they are unable to feel alive without taking anything, they can end up being hooked on these things. The Ideal If one finds themselves in this position, it will be essential for them to reach out for the right support. Carrying on as they are is not going to get them anywhere; in fact, their life could get a whole lot worse. The type of assistance that they need could be supplied by a therapist, healer and/or a support group. Through having this support, they will be able to work through what they haven’t been able to face by themselves. It’s Already There If one has only just disconnected from their emotional self and is therefore, usually in touch with how they feel, they may have a number of people in their life that they are close to. As a result of this, they will basically have a safety net. So even if they were to start taking things to change their state, the people around them will make sure that they are back on track before long. This emphasises how important a community is. A Different Experience Now, if someone experiences a break up or a loss it could be said that it will be normal for them to shut down, at least for while. This is simply their minds way of stopping them from being wiped out by pain. However, while some people will end up shutting down after something like this, there will be others that don’t need to go through anything like this in order to shut down. For someone like this, just a small amount of stress could be enough. Unable To Cope After a day at work or after they have spent a fair amount of time around others, they could end up shutting down. It is then not going to take a lot of stimulation for them to be overwhelmed and lose touch with their emotional self. What this may show is that there is already a lot going on inside them, which is why it doesn’t take much for this to take place. If this is so, what took place during their early years may have played a part. Back In Time During this stage of their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have overwhelmed their system. The primary way for them for them to handle this pain would have been to shut down. This would have meant that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed to be able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions and their system would have been loaded up with pain. Many years will have passed since that time, but their being will still be in a traumatised state and shutting down will still be the only way for them to handle pain. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one can begin to resolve the trauma that is within them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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