While some people have boundaries, there are others who don’t have them, and this is going to cause them to experience life differently. However, although one doesn’t have them, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this.
Instead, they can simply carry on with their life and continue to put up with all the challenges that will arise through not having them. The reason for this is that one is unlikely to realise why they are experiencing life as they are. Normal Therefore, regardless of whether one has them or not, this is likely to be what they have become accustomed to. And if one does have them, there is a strong chance that it is due to what their childhood was like. Similarly, if one doesn’t have them, their childhood is also likely to be where the answers are to be found. As a result of this, what took place during their early years can have a big effect on how they experience life as an adult. Better Off This is then just one example of how not everyone on this planet is equal, and how what is taking place within them can make it easier for them to handle life. But while this is the case, this is rarely something that people talk about when it comes to the advantages that some people have. When they talk about these kinds of things, they are likely to focus on the resources that they have, for instance. It could then be said that they will be primarily focusing on what can be seen as opposed to what cant. Challenges As if one doesn’t have boundaries, it might not matter what their background is or how much money they have in the bank. They can end up suffering in one way or another, and their mental and emotional state could be far worse that someone who has boundaries but less resources. This could be hard for one to understand if they think that money solves everything, and they could believe that their life would be perfect. Now, clearly someone will have more options through having money, but that doesn’t mean that they will have the awareness that they need to work through their problems. Avoidance They could be completely out of touch with what is taking place within them, and this could then cause them run away from their pain. Thus, if they experience any kind of discomfort, they might be drawn to alcohol or drugs, for instance. On the other hand, one might not have a lot of money but they could have a good connection with their inner world. And through having this connection, they might be able to elevate themselves out of their current position. Boundaries When boundaries are mentioned, it is not uncommon for one to think about how they relate to being able to say ‘no’. As through having them, it will allow someone to stand their ground and not to be walked over. It is then not going to be hard to understand why they are so important and that if one doesn’t have them, it will be normal for them to be walked over. This can then set them up to feel like a victim. Relationships Based on this, one’s relationships are going to be far healthier if they have boundaries. There will be no reason for them to lose themselves and to always go along with what other people want. One will be able to listen to their needs and feelings and it will also allow them to respect other people’s personal space. The alternative would be for one to also go along with what others want, and this will have a negative effect on their wellbeing. Abuse This may involve going out when they don’t want to and lending people money when they have got enough themselves. On the other side, it could mean that one will put up with people who are abusive. Other people will see them as an easy target and one could see themselves as being a magnet for unhealthy people. These people won’t always need to observe one’s behaviour to know this, as they could just sense it. Even Worse To experience life in this way is going to create a lot of pain, but that’s not to say that everyone will deal with this pain in the same way. Along with this, there are going to be some people who will suffer more than others if they can’t stand their ground; this can be the case if one is a sensitive person. And even though something might be overlooked by someone else, it could end up having a big impact on them. It is then going to be vital for them to be able to stand their ground and to listen to their needs and feelings. Highly Sensitive Person One is unlikely to be able to handle as much stimulation as the average person, and so if they say yes when they should be saying no, they will soon feel drained. And as it can be easy for them to take on what doesn’t belong to them, they will need to be very selective when it comes to who they spend their time with. Yet when someone like this doesn’t have boundaries, they can end up ignoring what is taking place within them and end up focusing on what is place around them. This may have been what they had to do in order to survive when they were younger. Awareness Their early years would have been a time when their caregivers didn’t understand how sensitive they were, and this then stopped them from receive the kind of care that they desperately needed. At the same time, these experiences could have caused or even increased their sensitivity. If one can relate to this and they want to develop boundaries, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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While someone can assist others in a direct manner, they can also do this indirectly. As a result of this, it is not necessary for one to work in the helping profession, for instance, in order to make a difference.
However, even if one was in a position where they didn’t help others directly, it doesn’t mean that they are not as important as the people who are. For one thing, what they do behind the scenes, so to speak, could end up having the same effect. Irrelevant Therefore, it might not matter what they do, as they are still playing their part on this earth. It could be said that the main difference when one is helping people directly is that they will often end up getting most of the acclaim. Yet when they work behind the scenes, they can be used to going about their job without receiving the same kind of feedback from others. This could be something that takes place from time to time as opposed to an everyday occurrence. The Music Industry One could then compare themselves to the people who play an instrument or write songs for famous musicians, and this is because most people won’t know what they do. When people hear their music, they are generally going to think about how good they are. So although the musician might not be where they are if it wasn’t for the people around them, this is rarely going to be taken into consideration. The level of importance that they have is then going to be way out of proportion. Part of Life Even so, this is just how life is, and one may find that they prefer to be away from the limelight. It is then not going to be something that bothers them and they will be happy with their career. At the same time, one might find that they would prefer to be a bit further forward, and it might then be a sign that they need a career change. The main thing is that they want to make a difference and through having this desire and the drive, they are bound to find their ideal job. Direct Contact When one does assist others directly, it could relate to what is taking place within them, or it might have nothing to do with this area. But if it does, there is a strong chance that they have a certain level of empathy. Along with this, they are likely to value assisting others, and this means that they are not doing it to please others. What they do fulfils their needs; however, it might be hard for some people to comprehend this. One Outlook The reason for this is that when someone is there for other people, they can be seen as being selfless. What is different here is that one will be in touch with what could be classed as their ‘higher’ needs. Through being this way, they will be able to fulfil their needs and to be there for others. When one ignores their needs and is there for others, it might make them look good but they will be used to running on empty. Out of Balance They can then come across as though they have it all together and that they are an evolved human being, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, all human beings have needs, and this is why it is not possible for someone to be selfless. This kind of behaviour is typically what occurs when someone doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs. The shame that they feel when it comes to their own needs is likely to be a consequence of how they were treated during their younger years. Balance It has been said that the only way that someone can truly be there for another is if they can be there for themselves. And if one’s needs were rarely met during their early years and they have spent most of their adult years trying to rescue others, for instance, they are not going to be able to truly be there for anyone. In this case, it will be important for them to work through their unmet childhood needs and to gradually begin to feel comfortable with their own needs. Through doing this, they will be able to fulfil their own needs and to assist others without neglecting themselves or trying to do too much for others. Another Occurrence And while one can assist others in the hope that other people will be there for them, they can also do this due to feeling as though they have done something wrong. When the former takes place, one is going to be motivated by shame and when the latter takes place, it will be guilt. In both of these case, one can come across as though they are being motivated by their need to be there for others. Yet if someone was to take a deeper look at why they are behaving in this way, they would soon see that they are trying to feel better about themselves. Guilt If they feel guilty, they might feel too ashamed to talk about what they have done, and it will then be normal for them to try and right a wrong by giving something to someone or to a group of people. Once they have done this, their behaviour could completely change or they could disappear, and this could cause confusion. At first, someone could feel grateful for what is taking place, but if they were to find out why one acted as they did, they could feel as though they have been deceived. When one does help others to deal with the guilt within them, they may find that this allows them to feel better. Awareness At the same time, this might only give them a momentary relief, and this will also make it difficult for them to act authentically. If one can relate to this and they want to deal with the guilt within them, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist.
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In today’s world, there is often more attention is given to people who are at the beginning of their life than there is to those who are going towards the end of it. Yet, it might be more accurate to say that people are often overlooked before they even get to this stage.
Youth What this partly shows is how much attention is given to all that is new, and when something is old (or older), it can be seen as having no value. This is not only something that applies to people; it also applies to material objects. Their value is then not based on anything other than their appearance, and the other quality’s that they bring to the world are then naturally going to be overlooked. In the same way, it won’t matter what an object can do if it no longer looks as it used to or if a newer version is available. The Media When it comes to looking for information on how people are viewed, one only needs to pick up a paper. Through doing this, there is the chance that they will see plenty of pictures of people who are in their twenties and thirties. In addition to this, they may come across a number of stories that talk about how older people are not receiving the kind of care that they need, for instance. It is then easy to come to the conclusion that the older generation are often pushed to the side. Anti-Aging The beauty industry will give one more insight into the kind of relationship that people have with their appearance. Having wrinkles is no longer seen as something that people have to put up with, and there are numerous ways for them to be removed. And although this is an industry that people of all ages support and one that offers all kinds of solutions, there is no denying the fact that the main purpose of these products is to reverse aging. One can then feel good through using them, but at the same time, they can come to believe that there is something wrong with getting older. Two Experiences This is not to say that both men and women have the same experiences when it comes to getting older, as this is rarely going to be the case. It can be a lot harder for a woman to get older than it can be for a man. The reason for this is that a woman’s appearance is something that can have a big effect on how people respond to her, and even more so if she is classed as being attractive. And even though a lot has been done to change how women see themselves (and how they are viewed), there have been other factors that have created problems. A New Focus In the past, it could be said that women were more likely to have children in the western world, and this then is something would have given their life meaning. Now, this is not to say that this is the only purpose they have on this planet; what it comes down to is that this would have taken a lot of their focus away from themselves. Through having children, there would have been the chance that they would end up having grandchildren. The perception they have of themselves would have changed when they had children and it would probably have changed again when their children had children. One Outlook However, if a woman was to focus on her career and didn’t care about starting a family, then it is going to be more important for her to look right and to maintain her appearance. This is because her whole life can revolve around her need to be successful and to move forward. Yet if she didn’t take this route or took the time to bring children up, the people around her wouldn’t be as concerned about whether she looks young or not. Who she is will be enough and she won’t need to prove herself to these people; in their eyes, she can’t be replaced, but the same can’t be said if she was in the working environment. A Difference What this shows is that men and women often experience life differently and when this isn’t taken into consideration, it can lead to more problems. It can be easy to believe that a woman is free if she doesn’t have children and enslaved if she does, but clearly there are pros and cons to both experiences. A Role Along with how someone can feel when their appearance changes, they can also view themselves differently when they retire. The meaning of their life will have changed and they can start to wonder if they have become irrelevant. When they were at work, they had a purpose to fulfil, and now that this has come to an end, they can experience a deep sense of emptiness. One could then end up spending a lot of time thinking about how their life used to be. The Other Side But just because someone one can feel this way when they get older, it doesn’t mean that they can’t feel this way when they are younger. One could have their whole life ahead of them and have plenty to offer, and they could still feel as though they are irrelevant. It could then be said that whether one feels relevant or not depends on their perspective and how they lead their life. Their purpose is likely to change as they get older, but that doesn’t mean that they no longer have one. Absolute Relevance If one wants to find people of all ages who are relevant, they will be able to find them. And in a lot of these cases, one will see that these people didn’t wait for other people to see them as being this way; they took it into their own hands. Nevertheless, no matter how relevant someone is, they are not going to be seen in this way by everyone. Thus, if one feels completely irrelevant, they could reflect on the fact that not everyone will see them in this way.
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It could be said that there will be moments when one is happy and moments when they are not. And if they were to reflect on their life, they may see that they spend more time in one state than they do in the other.
This can be how their life has always been, or it could just be down to what they are currently going through. If one has the tendency to be happy, they are likely to be in a better position than if they were generally unhappy. Part of Life However, no matter how positive someone is, they can still have experiences that will have a big impact on them. As a result of this, there can be times when it will be a challenge for them to maintain their upbeat nature. For example, if one was to lose a loved one or a relationship was to come to an end, their inner world is bound to change. The people they are close to can then notice that something isn’t right Support This can then be a time when they are only too happy to be there for them, and this can mean that they will be willing to put themselves in their shoes, so to speak. Through having these people around them, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle this stage of their life. It could be said that it will be important for these people to be patient with them and not to force them to return to how they were. As to how long this process takes can depend on a number of different factors. Loss If one has lost a loved one or a family member, it could take them a number of years before they are able to embrace life gain. They might return to how they were before, but then again, they could be completely different. What this emphasises is that the grieving process generally doesn’t happen overnight and that the whole thing can transform someone. Yet if one has lost someone they were close to, it is not going to b a surprise for this to occur. A Breakup When it comes to the end of a relationship, it could be something that doesn’t affect them in the same way. After a short while, one might be able to go back to how they were, and this can mean that they will go back to being happy. If this doesn’t happen, it could be due to how long the relationship lasted, or it can show that they had a strong connection. Yet even if it didn’t last for very long and/or they didn’t have a strong connection, one can still end up feeling low. A Unique Experience Two people can then have a breakup and end up responding in a different way. This is not to say that one way is better than the other; what it comes down to is that we are not all the same. What the relationship was like will have an effect and their childhood can also have an impact. As if their early years were not very stable, the pain that they experienced during this time can end up being triggered. Overwhelmed But when on doesn’t realise this, they can come to believe that it relates to the relationship that has just come to an end. It then won’t matter how fulfilling it was or how long it lasted, as the pain within them can stop them from having a balanced outlook. One could come to the conclusion that they are meant to be together and that the pain within them proves how much they love them. This could be an outlook that one has whenever a relationship comes to an end, and they are then going to be used to experiencing a lot of pain. Healing The Past In order for them to put an end to this dynamic, it will be important for them to work through the pain that is within them. If this doesn’t happen, they are likely to have the same experience whenever a relationship comes to an end. The pain that they go through by doing this can be intense, but it won’t last forever. And along with these kinds of experiences, one can also go through other things that will have a ‘negative’ effect on them. For Example One could fail an exam, experience some kind of setback, have an argument, fall out with someone, or end up being ill. Due to this, they might not feel like smiling and could look a bit fed up or even upset. Another Reaction And while the people they are close to could ask them what is going on, this might not take place. Instead, they could overlook what they are going through and tell them to cheer up or to ‘smile’. It could be said that there is a greater chance that the people that they are close to won’t act in this way, and that this is more likely to be something they hear from the people they don’t know very well. At the same time, one might spend time with people who don’t care about their needs. Empathy What this can then show is that someone is not interested in how one feels and this then allows them to invalidate their experience. One can then feel ashamed of how they feel and end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them in order to please them. Having said that, they could end up getting angry and have a go at them, and while the other person could and up feeling guilty, they could also accuse them of being too sensitive. If this happens, one will end up being invalidated gain and it will be clear that the other doesn’t understanding what they are doing wrong. Awareness If someone has the propensity to do this and they can’t see what is wrong with their behaviour, they could take the time to think about how they would feel if they were sad or fed up and the same thing happened. This could then give them the chance to see why their behaviour has a negative effect on others.
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While there are plenty of people who suffer from depression, there is also no shortage of people who have anger problems. Still, this is not to say that someone can either have one of the other, as it is unlikely to be this black and white.
A Different Experience For example, one could find that they have moments when they are depressed and moments when they are overwhelmed with anger. When they are depressed, there is the chance that they have disconnected from their anger Yet when they are angry, there is going to be no reason for them to be depressed. This is due to their emotional energy being directed outwards, and it is it then going to stop them from retracting. Two Options Throughout the same day, one could find themselves going from being angry to being depressed and then back again. If this does take place, it is going to be a challenge for them to experience inner peace. Other people could wonder what state they are going to be in, but that is not to say that they will be the only ones who are unsure. One could also find it hard to predict how they will be from one moment to the next. Up or Down At the same time, one could be in a position where they will be more familiar with one that the other. What this then means is that even though they may not always be in the same sate, they are going to spend longer in one state. But white one state can allow them to feel in control, the other state is unlikely to have this effect. Anger will pump them up, and when they feel depressed, they are typically going to feel deflated. Two Sides Along with this, there is also going to be how people perceive them when they are in these states. When one is angry they are going to feel strong, but it could cause the people around them to feel unsafe, for instance. And although one is not going to feel strong when they are depressed, it is not going to cause other people to feel vulnerable around them. What it can do is make some people take on the same state. A Number of Consequences It is then not going to matter what state they are in, as it is still going to affect other people. And even though other people could feel uncomfortable if one was angry, they could also take on the same state and this could lead to violence. Nevertheless, one could cover up how they feel and this can then stop other people from knowing what state they are in. If one was angry, they could end up coming across as passive aggressive, and this will make it harder for people to know. Or if they are depressed, they could end up putting on an act around others, and this means that other people could see them as being upbeat and positive. If someone does know what one is really like, it could be a sign that they are close to them. Emotions They could then begin to wonder why they hide how they feel and don’t reach out for the support that they need. What can cause one to suffer in silence is that they can feel ashamed of how they feel. In addition, they might now know what to do about how they feel, and this is then going to stop them from doing anything. What would make a difference is if people learned about their emotions whilst they were art school, as if they don’t learn about them as a child there is the chance that they never will. Confusion If it does occur, it is likely to be down to one doing everything they can to learn about his part of themselves as an adult. This is going to be something that takes patience and persistence, and one may soon find that they can’t simply remove their emotions. That’s unless they end up going on antidepressants, for instance, and then they could lose the ability to feel altogether. This will then stop them from feeling pain, but it is not going to allow them to understand their emotional body. Anger If one does have emotional problems and they reach out for support, they could go online and/or speak to a close friend. The kind of assistance that they need can all depend on what is taking place within them. So if one finds that they can’t control their anger, they may come to believe that boxing or some kind of martial arts will help them. This might then be seen as something that will give them an outlet to express how they feel. A Release Once they have found somewhere that appeals to them and experienced their first class, they could find that they feel better straight away. Through getting everything out in the right environment, they are not longer as likely to lose it in their everyday life. It is then going to be essential for them to do this on a regular basis, and one could be amazed at how beneficial it is for them to do this. At the same time, one could do this for a short while and then find that they no longer need to go. Another Outcome This can show that they had a build-up of anger within them and it needed to be released. One could also find that even though this is helping them, it is only dealing with what’s on the surface. Thus, if one doesn’t go on a regular basis, they could soon find that their life goes back to how it was. One is then going to end up being dependent on this kind of activity and they won’t be able to stop. A Deeper Look When one has anger problems, it can show that they need to look at what is taking place at a deeper level. The reason for this is that anger is often something that one can experience when they feel as though they are being violated in some way. Now, this is not to say that this means that one is currently being violated, as this can relate to what happened in the past. If one was taken advantage of in some way when they were younger, for instance, this can set them up to have anger problems as an adult. Stuck In The Past The trouble is that even though one’s mind can forget about what took place, their body will be only too aware of what occurred. Their body can then cause one to see the present moment in the same way and it is then not going to be possible for them to be present. What happened is then in the past but one will be behaving as if it is taking place right now. It is then to be expected that one will feel the need to be angry; as if they settle down, they will believe that this will cause them to be taken advantage of again. Awareness If one can relate to this, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This can be a time when they will be dealing with trauma and an emotional build-up.
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While someone can be there for others from time to time, this can also be something that consumes their whole life. It is then not going to matter what is taking place in their life, as they will be only too happy to put it to one side.
Self-Neglect Due to this, it can be normal for one to ignore their own needs and feelings and to be there for others instead. One can then be in a position where they will rarely achieve anything, or they might able to achieve things when they are not there for others. But no matter whether one can relate to the former or the latter, they are not going to be able to make as much progress as they could if they focused on their own needs. It is then going to be similar to one focusing on about ten things at once; their energy is going to be scattered. Approval Even so, there is going to be no reason for one to come to the conclusion that they have the wrong approach. And the main reason for this is that this kind of behaviour is often rewarded in today’s world. One is likely to surrounded by people who tell them that they are ‘selfless’ human beings, and that more people should be like them. The kind of feedback that they receive can then allow them to feel good about themselves. Superior Along with this, one could see themselves as being better than people who only think about their own needs. Thus, one can believe that they are morally superior and they can then look down on certain people. What this can then show is that one believes that there are only two options: either they ignore their needs or they ignore everyone else’s needs. The people who support their behaviour can also identify with the same outlook. Needs It might then be accurate to say that they believe that there is something wrong with their needs, and this is why they can’t fulfil them in a healthy manner. Through feeling this way, it is to be expected that they will have the tendency to ignore them. However, even though they view their needs in this way, it doesn’t mean that they realise this. This is something that can take place at a deeper level, and one can then end up reacting to what is taking place just outside of their awareness. Out of Touch What is taking place at a deeper level is then going to be what is controlling their behaviour, and in order to avoid this pain, one will want to be there for others. The reason for this is that doing so will allow them to regulate how they feel. In this sense, one is getting something through being there for others, but this is likely to go unnoticed. And not only can one be oblivious to this, so can the people who they are trying to help. Indirect Still, it is not just that one only wants to be there for others as a way to avoid feeling bad about their own needs; there is also another factor involved. More importantly, one will hope that this will allow them to get their needs met. One can believe that if they are there for others, it will mean that these people will be there for them. The trouble is that the people they help are unlikely to be able to read minds, and these people can be caught up with their own needs. Win-Lose There can then be the odd moment when one will be able to get their needs met, but this is likely to be the exception as opposed to the rule. Naturally, it can then be common for one to feel angry about what is taking place. Yet as they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs, there is a greater chance of them hiding how they feel. Or if they don’t hide it, they could end up taking their pain out on someone else; with this being someone they believe they can walk over, for instance. An Image What this can do is enable them to protect the image that they have created, and this is not going to be the case if they were to get angry at the people who are only too happy to take from them. But if they were to get angry at them, they could soon feel guilty and ashamed and this may cause them to apologise. Or if they don’t do this, they could end up doing something for them as a way to deal with how they feel. And when it comes to how people see them, they could say that they have a lot of empathy. Empathy This is not going to be much of a surprise, and this comes down to the fact that one is able to be there for others. Therefore, if they couldn’t put themselves in other people shoes, they wouldn’t be reaching out to them. Instead, they would just be focused on their own needs and overlooking other people needs. It could then be said that it is clear that they have empathy, and they could also be seen as having compassion. A Closer Look Having said that, it doesn’t mean that the people one tries to rescue are only exposed to this kind of behaviour. In fact, they could find that there are times when one behaves in a completely different manner. If they do what one wants, they could find that they are happy to offer their understanding, but if they are not willing to do this, they could find that one ends up being critical and judgemental. These people could then begin to wonder how they could be warm one moment and cold the next. An Act What this can show is that they are not displaying real empathy, and the only reason they have moments when they act this way is to get their needs met. It is then the same as how someone can be nice when they want something and they can end up being rude when they don’t. The understanding that they show is going to be a way for them to gain other peoples approval. And as people are generally going to respond well to this kind of behaviour, it is going to make it easy for them to influence others. Awareness When it comes to who they attract into their life, they are typically going to be people who are have the same level of emotional development as they do. If one wants to experience life differently, it will be important for them to look into why they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. This can be due to how their caregivers responded to their needs, and this may have been a time when their needs were generally ignored. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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While it could be said that the ideal will be for one life’s to go as they want it to go, this doesn’t always take place. Instead, they can have moments when they don’t get what they want and there can be times when something ‘negative’ will occur.
Resistance When something like this happens, one can get caught up in what is taking place and wonder why they are having this experience. They may even end up seeing themselves as a victim. Someone or something is then trying to hold then back or stopping them from achieving something. It can then be normal for one to end up feeling angry and even powerless about what is going on. A Fixed Idea What this will show is that one believes that their life should go in a certain direction and when this doesn’t happen, it is then to be expected that they will experience pain. The reason one has this approach can be due to the kind of messages they have received throughout their life. From a young age, one may have been told that they can achieve whatever they want to achieve when they are older, and they may have been told that they can control their destiny by getting the right education. This can then set them up to believe that they are the master of their ship, so to speak, and that they can define their life. Self-Development Along with what one can hear from their parents and society, there is another thing that can have a big effect on them. If one’s life isn’t going as they want it to go, they can end up looking for answers. Through reading a book or watching a video, one could come to believe that they have found a way to make sure that their life does go as they want it to. This can then be a time where one will learn about how they will need to control their thoughts and to behave in the way and then they will experience life differently. Thinking Positive It is then going to be imperative for one to manipulate their thoughts, and this will be seen as something that will allow them to attract ‘good’ things into their life. To put it another way, one will be using the ‘law of attraction’ to create the life they want to lead. And if one has felt as though they have no control over their life for so long, this is likely to be something that is extremely appealing. One can then go from believing that they have no effect on their life, to believing that they are the master of it. Short-Lived However, even if one was to go along with everything they read and/or heard; they are likely to see that they can’t always have what they want. No matter what they do with their thoughts or how they behave, there are still going to be moments when their life doesn’t go as they would like it to. In fact, one may find that the more they try to create their ideal life, the more it seems to elude them. It is then as if the very act of trying to improve their life is what is making it worse. Avoidance Therefore, if one does try to completely control their life through getting into self-development, they are going to end up disappointed. This is not to say that they won’t see an improvement; what it means is that they won’t be able to experience complete control. Now, one could acknowledge this, or they could ignore what is taking place and work even harder to make sure that they always get what they want and that nothing ‘bad’ happens again. It is then only going to be matter of time before they are back where they started, and they could soon end up being burned out. Stepping Back If one was to take a step back when this happens or before this was to happen, it would give them the chance to gain a clearer perspective. One could then take the time to reflect and to see that they can’t control everything. Thus, when something ‘bad’ happens, it can be in their best interest to accept it as opposed to trying to resist it. During this time, one will be observing their inner process and not getting caught up in them. A Different Role In the past they would have been like a child that wasn’t getting their way, and now they are like the parent who is listening to the child. One is then not trying to deny how they feel or to repress it; they are containing their inner experience. Through having this approach and not getting caught up in what is taking place within them, it will be a lot easier for them to handle what happens to them. And through not getting worked up, it may pass a lot sooner than if this wasn’t the case. Letting Go It could then be said that there are times when one needs to let go of control in order to gain control. In the short-term, this will mean that they will have to get into the passenger seat, but in the long–term, it will allow them to get back into the driver’s seat. When this happens, one will be in their feminine, and this is because they will be going with the flow. Still, this is not to say that one should just accept everything that happens and not do anything. Passivity If one was to do this, it can be just as destructive as if they tried to resist anything that went against how they believe their life should be. Instead of taking action and doing what needs to be done, they can say that it is better for them to accept what is taking place. On the surface, this can sound like the enlightened thing to do, but at a deeper level, it can be another form of resistance. Through standing back and doing nothing, their life can end up getting worse, or other people’s lives could end up being affected. Awareness Ultimately, one will need to come to their own conclusion as to whether they need to go with what is taking place or to take action. What can’t be denied is that one won’t always know what is best and so even if something doesn’t go to plan, it doesn’t mean that their life is going in the wrong direction. Yet it might take a few weeks, months or even years until one is able to realise this. What this emphasises is how important it is for one to trust that their life is going in the right direction.
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When it comes to how someone sees the world, there is a strong chance that it has been heavily influenced by the mainstream media. The reason for this is that a lot of people look towards this source of information to tell them about what is taking place around them.
Normal Therefore, in the same way that one is likely to pick up their phone if they want to make a call, they can read a paper or watch the news if they want to be informed. This is something that can take place without them even needing to think about it. They can have the desire to find out about what is going on in the world and this could then cause them to turn a TV on or to buy a paper. Or they could just use their Smartphone and look for information online. A Way of life And this could be something that they have done for a number of years. One could believe that the mainstream media keeps them up to date and so there will be no reason for them to change their approach. Along with the outlook that they have, there are likely to plenty of other people in their life who have the same perspective. Their view is then going to be backed up and validated by the people around them. It’s Easier If one does have a Smartphone, it will take less effort for them to find out about what is going on around them. Their favourite publications and TV channels will be able to update them no matter where they are or what they are doing. Based on this, one could believe that they are more informed than they were in the past; in fact, they could say that there is no reason for people to not know what is going on. So although they may have thought they were informed in the past, they could see how this wasn’t actually the case. Intention It would then be accurate to say that they will see the mainstream media as being there to let them know about what is going on around them. Now, this is not to say that they will believe that they are perfect, or that they will go along with everything they read or hear. What it comes down to is that they will believe that they are coming from the right place and that they are generally not out to deceive people. One can then listen to what they say and accept just about everything. The Truth And as this has been their source of information for most of their life, it is to be expected that they will see it this way. In the same way that one can trust their family, they can also trust the mainstream media. What also helps is that the media often presents things are being black and white, and this means that one won’t have to use a lot of energy. One can then consume what they need without having to exert themselves. Another Option However, while one can have this approach when it comes to the news, there are others who are not willing to go along with what the mainstream media sells. They could listen to what they have to say and then come to their own conclusion. At the same time, they may look towards the ‘alternative’ media if they want to find out about what is going on. If this is the case, one could say that the mainstream media can’t be trusted, and that they have no interest in informing people. Critical Thinking When one has this outlook, it is likely to show that they are not averse to thinking for themselves. It is going to cause them to use more energy, but it isn’t going to be something that bothers them. Their main intention will be to find out what the truth is or to at least try to find out, and like most things in life, this is going to be a day-to-day occurrence. It is then going to be lot harder for them to be deceived. The Sensible Approach One way of looking at this would be to say that they are using their brain and the people who accept just about everything are not. If the mainstream media existed to inform people, it wouldn’t matter if one thought for themselves. Yet as it has been proven time and time again that this is not the case, it is clearly not a good idea for one go along with just about everything they sell. Even so, the mainstream media wouldn’t have the amount of power that it was if the journalists who worked for them did their job properly. A Different Outlook If one does look towards other sources, they are naturally going to have different views to people who don’t. And while some of these views could be slightly different, there will be others that are completely different. As a result of this, other people could say that they are crazy, and that they have lost the ability to think rationally, for instance. One is then going to labelled and put into a box and the person who goes along with the mainstream media can see themselves as being a level headed human being. Crazy What this will then do is stop them from being able to open their mind and to see life differently. But as they don’t realise what is taking place, it is not going to cause them to feel bad in anyway. The people behind the mainstream media are going to be only too happy with this behaviour, and this is because these people will be doing what they can to keep their fellow human beings in line. Ergo, not only can they sell information to keep people under control; they can also rely on the people who are controlled by them to control others.
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When someone thinks about abuse, there is a strong chance that they will think about what some men do to women or how some parents treat their children. But if this is not the case, they might think about men who are abused by women.
The reason they are more likely to think about this kind of abuse is because these are things that receive a fair amount of exposure. Along with this, women are often seen as the weaker sex and children are dependent on their parents. A Common Outlook On the other hand, men are often seen as people who are incapable of being harmed by the opposite sex. This partly comes down to the fact that they are generally physically stronger than women. Based on this, there is going to be no reason for someone to believe that men can be abused by women. It would be similar to saying that parents can be abused by their small children. Experiences What could add to this is if a woman has been abused by a man or if they know a woman who has been. This can cause them to believe that men are the only ones who are capable of being violent and manipulative. They will know what it is like and their view can then be seen as the truth, and it then won’t matter what else takes place. If this was to occur, it could be said that their emotions and beliefs are getting the better of them and it is then not possible for them to think clearly or to embrace new information. A Closed Mind One could then come across information goes against what they believe and they could block it out. Alternatively, a man could talk about how men are often abused by women and he could end up being criticised and/or ignored. And this is also something that could take place if another woman was to talk to them about it. Yet while a woman can act in this way, it doesn’t mean that men will always have the opposite outlook. Disbelief A man could say that there is no way that women could abuse them or any other man for that matter. They could say that the only way this would happen to a man is if they are ‘weak’. Thus, it will be important for a man to ‘man up’ if they were to find themselves in this position. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are likely to be someone who believes that men should act one way and women should act another way. Emotions The only way for a man to be a man will be for him to be strong at all times and to to hide how he feels. Through having this perspective, they may also say that women are the emotional ones. Crying is then not something that both sexes can engage in, and if a man does cry he can be seen as being less of a man. What this could then mean that t his is man who doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his emotions and that he is caught up in the past. Reality However, no matter what women or men think, there are men who have experienced abuse and men who are experiencing it right now. The idea that many people often have of men makes it harder for them to get the assistance that they need. A lot has been done to change how women are seen and treated in the western world, and this has meant that the challenges that men face have often ended up being pushed to one side. Therefore, while certain problems have improved, other problems have been created in their place. Different Types Still, it could be said that this is normal part of life and that as time passes; this is something that should gradually balance out. And when it comes to the abuse that some men experience, it can be physical, verbal, sexual and/or emotional. A man can then be hit but as it is coming from a woman, he is unlikely to fight back. Yet he can also be gradually worn down through being put down on a consistent basis, and this can also take place when he is around his friends and family, for instance. Self-Esteem This can then end up changing how he sees himself, and the strength that he needs to do something about what is taking place will end up disappearing. What this will then do is make it easier for a woman to control him. Even so, this doesn’t mean that other people will realise what he is going through, and this is because he could keep it to himself. What other people could notice is that he is not like he used to be, as he could be depressed and/or no longer want to spend time with them. Reaching Out How they feel about what is happening is then building up within them and this is causing them to suffer. The trouble is that not only can they feel ashamed as a result of being abused; they can also feel too ashamed to let other people know what is taking place. If they were to open up, they could end up being laughed at and/or not taken seriously and it could then cause them to feel even worse. Their image is then going to be effected and it will be another area where they are humiliated. Awareness The support that they desperately need is then not going to be provided and they will feel as though they are by themselves. Fortunately, it is a lot easier than it was before to receive the right support, and this is largely down to the internet. If one is with someone who is abusive, it imperative that they reach out for support and don’t allow themselves to suffer in silence. There are websites and helplines that provide assistance, and there are also therapists and councillors available who are trained in these matters.
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When one meets someone from an online dating site, they can end up having a strong connection with them. As a result of this, the time that they spent talking to them online would have been time well spent.
An Investment One way of looking at this would be to say that they were putting their time and energy into someone who would end up enhancing their life. It was then not that one simply overlooked other areas of their life; they were laying the foundations for something else. This could have been something they were doing for a matter of weeks or even months, and so it is to be expected that other areas of their life may have been neglected. At the same time, they might have been able to speak to them without ignoring other areas. Effortless The reason for this is that one probably would have been able to stay in touch with them no matter where they were or what they were doing; that is providing they have some kind of device. And there is a strong chance that they have a Smartphone. Therefore, when it comes to things that they don’t need to give their full attention to, they would have been able to message them. Clearly, this is going to be a lot easier than if they had to stop what they were doing all the time. Topics When it came to what they were talking about, they may have covered a number of different areas. Perhaps they discussed surface level things and went slightly deeper, and this would then have given them a better understanding of each other. There could have been what their interests are and where they have been on holiday, for instance, and they could have looked into what their values are, amongst other things. What they look like and their write-up on their profile may have been what got the ball rolling, so to speak. The Other Side If this was the case, it will show how important looks are to them, and there is clearly nothing wrong with this. Alternatively, they may have been more concerned with what their write-up had to say. How the other person described themselves might have been what piqued their interest, or it might have been their interests. Either way, something about what they said was enough for the next step to occur. Intuition Throughout the time that they were talking to the other person online, they may have sensed that they were the right one. A sensation in their stomach may have been what told them this, and this could also be a sign that they are in touch with themselves. Another Outcome However, although one could speak to someone online for a while and they find that they have a connection once they meet them in person, this doesn’t always take palace. Instead, one could find that they don’t have a connection, and they might even be repelled by them. This can then cause one to wonder what why this has taken place; especially if they were getting on so well online. Now, it could be said that it is perfectly normal for someone to respond on this way. A Common Occurrence But if one does feel a confused and even let down, they are not going to be the only ones who have had this experience. Also, one may find that the same thing will happen again if they continue to use online dating. This is bound to be something that a lot of people have experienced, and it must be just as common as meeting someone who doesn’t look like their pictures. One can then look back on what has taken place and think about how they have wasted a lot of time and energy. The Outside If one was drawn the other person because of their appearance, it is going to be similar to them wanting to eat something because it smells good. Even though one can be pulled in by the smell, it doesn’t mean that they will enjoy how it tastes. And when it comes to another person’s appearance, there is no guarantee that they will like their personality. Thus, while they can enjoy talking to them due to what they look like, there is always the chance that this will change once they meet them. An Act Yet if this is not what happens, it can be the result of someone acting differently when they are online, and this is then going give one a false idea. When one meets them, it is then going to be as if they have met someone else. On one side, this could be a sign that they are out to deceive others, and on the other side, it could be something they do without realising it. This could mean that they are not very confident and so their true nature ends up being hidden in the real world (and that could change if they were to drink, for instance.) A Different Energy In addition to this, one is going to be in their presence for the first time, and this will give them the chance to see how they feel around them. One could find that they want to get away from the other person, and they might not know why. If they are self-aware, they might look into why this is, but at the same time, they could also just react to what is taking place. When the former takes place, one could take the time to tell the other person about why they don’t want it go any further, and when the latter takes place, they could simply go silent and that will be the end of it. Awareness It could be said that it is going to be important for one to make sure that they don’t get too attached to someone online and to wait until they have met them until they allow their mind to run wild. And one may also find that the sooner they meet someone the better, as this will stop them from wasting too much time and energy on someone who is not right for them.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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