If one was to get into self-development, there is a strong chance that it will be because they want to feel more confident. The reason for this is that this is a common challenge that people have in today’s world.
However, even if one did want to work on their self-confidence, it doesn’t mean that they will end up getting into self–development. Instead, they could decide to take a different route, and this could mean that they will end up joining some kind of class. For Example One could believe that they will be able to change how they behave through taking drama lessons, or through taking part in some kind of martial arts. At the same time, they may decide to do something that they have never done before as a way to alter their behaviour. It could be said that this is the kind of approach that people would have generally taken in the past. This is due to the fact that there wasn’t as much information around and so people often had to just get on with it. Plenty of Options If one wanted to improve their confidence through using self-development, they are not going to be short of options. There will be a number of books that they can read if they enjoying reading. Yet if this is not something that interests them, then they can watch videos or listen to audio books. Alternatively, they can use all three of these options, and this can allow them to learn no matter what they are doing. Guidance During this time, one may be told that they need to change what is taking place in their mind, and through doing this, they will gradually begin to change how they behave. It can then be important for them to look into what they believe and to monitor their thoughts. The next step will be for them to create new beliefs and to replace their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts. This is likely to be a process and not something that will happen overnight. Affirmations Along with this, they may hear about how important affirmations are and that they will need to use these to change their self-image. They could use the one’s other people have created, or they could create their own. When it comes to what affirmations will have the best effect, it can depend on what they need to work on. As while one could find that they are not very confident in every area of their life, it could be something that only impacts certain areas, for instance. Another Experience At the same time, even if it only affects one area of their life, it could still end up affecting other areas. One is then not going to be able to put one area of their life to one side and then to be at their best in other areas. It could then be said that one needs to stop this from taking place, and that they can do this through controlling their mind. Even so, what it could also show is how important this area is, and that they simply need to get this part of their life handled. Persistence Therefore, as long as they continue to work on what is taking place in their mind, they will soon be able to behave as they would like to behave. Over time, how they see themselves will change, and this means that they will feel different and the thoughts in their mind will have altered. If they were unable to go after what they wanted, they may soon be able to do so, and if they didn’t feel comfortable around the opposite sex, this may start to change. Or they could find that they no longer attract people who are not healthy. A New Beginning Ultimately, there can be all kinds of ways in which their life may have improved, and they may soon forget how their life used to be. Still, they may soon find something else that they would like to work on. And what they have achieved so far could give them the belief that they need to continue to move forward. The ball is then rolling, so to speak, and it will be vital for them to keep going in order to take advantage of the momentum that has built-up. Confusion Yet while this could take place, one could also find that their life is not as they would like it to be. This is not to say that they won’t feel confident; what it comes down to is that this might not have had much of an effect. One could be in a position where they feel different, but their life hasn’t really changed. This can then cause them to believe that they are simply observers of their life and that they don’t have an effect on what takes place. The Same Story For example, one could find that even though they feel more confident, their relationships don’t really improve, or that they are still unable to attract the right partner. If they find it easier to take action, they could find that it rarely leads to their desired outcome. It would then be easy to say that they need to be patient and that their life will soon change. There is the chance that this is the case, but at the same time it could be a sign that one needs to do something else. Going Deeper What this can show is that although one has changed what is taking place in their mind, they haven’t dealt with what is taking place in their body. As a result of this, the only thing they will have done through focusing on their mind is covered up how they really feel about themselves. When it comes to what is taking place in their body, it can relate to the pain that they experienced during their younger years. Their body could be carrying trauma and emotional pain, and until this is dealt with it might not matter what they do to their mind. Awareness What is taking place in their body can then be what is defining their life, and what was taking place in their mind was a reflection of this. If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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People Pleasing: Why Do Some People Always Say That They Don't Care About What Other People Think?18/9/2016
While some people can keep things to themselves, there are others who are far more vocal when it comes to their life. It might then not matter what is taking place, as they will feel the need to tell other people.
Social Media Fortunately for them, they live in a time when this is probably easier than ever before to do. Through using social media, one will have a platform through which they can express themselves to the world. There is then no need for them to keep anything to themselves, and this could fulfil a lot of their needs. It is then not just something they use from time to time; it is a big part of their life. In The Middle At the same time, there are going to be plenty of people who are happy to share certain parts of their life. They are then not going to be seen as show offs and are they not going to be seen as people who hold back either. As a result of this, their page/s on social media is unlikely to reveal everything about them. Yet when they are around their close friends and family, for instance, they will soon open up. Each Day During this time, one can talk about what they have done that day and/or over the weekend. This can then mean that they will be talking about the experiences they have had and they won’t mention anything else. Their communication is then going to stay at one level and this could be due to a number of different reasons. Perhaps they are in an environment where it wouldn’t be right for them to take things to a deeper level. For Example If one was having a night out or if they were taking part in some kind of exercise class, it would be normal for them to keep everything light. As if they are out having a few drinks, they will probably have the need to relax. Yet if they are exercising, they won’t want to focus on something that may cause them to lose their concentration. But there is a strong chance that their interactions with others won’t always go in this direction. Another Environment When it comes to the moments they share with someone when other people are not around, they may start off on the surface and then take things deeper. Or they could simply take things to a deeper level straight away. If this was to happen, it could be a sign that one of them is going through challenging time or that something significant has occurred. Everything that is taking place in one’s life or the others life can then fade into the background. Emotional Level One might be going through a breakup or they may have just been promoted, for instance, and this is then likely to mean that they will have a lot going on emotionally. There can then be what has taken place and how they feel about what has taken place. And moments such as these are likely to be what enable them to feel a deeper connection to others. When they talk about their day-to-day life and other people do the same thing, it is not going to have the same effect. A Common Theme Along with these two elements, there are also likely to be things that one talks about on a regular basis. The same could also be said for the people who they spend time with, and this can relate to number of different things. If one is passionate about something, it is to be expected that they will want to spend a lot of time talking about it. There could be a number of different things that interest them and so it won’t be necessary for one to talk about the same thing all the time. Different Statements One could also have a number of different things they like to say about themselves when they are in the company of others. For example, one could say that they won’t put up with people who are abusive, or tolerate intolerant people. There may be times when they say that they don’t care about what others think, and this could even be a common expression. The people around them could then believe what they say, or they might have their doubts. The Reason These people could wonder why they always say this if they don’t care about what other people think of them. It is then going to be the same as when someone says they are not attracted to someone and yet they constantly talk about them. What this can show is that one is experiencing inner conflict, and in order to distance themselves from what is taking place within them, they need to do things to keep this part of them at bay. Thus, the reason one says they don’t need other peoples approval is so people will give them approval. An Unconscious Process This is not to say that one consciously realises what is taking place, as it is likely to take place just outside of their awareness. Through saying this, one is going to hope that people will go along with what they say, and if they do, this will give them the validation they need. If this validation wasn’t available, there is the chance that they would end up getting in touch with the part of them that does need other people’s approval. Therefore, the reason one constantly repeats this statement is because the part of them that needs approval won’t simply disappear by receiving approval from others; the only thing it will do is cause this part of them to be repressed. Awareness It then needs to be a daily or weekly occurrence, and the only way this will change is if they deal with the part of them that does need approval. There is the chance that their need for approval goes back to their childhood years. If one can relate to this and they want to change, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Black And White Thinking: Are Some People Conditioned To Believe That Everything Is Black Or White?17/9/2016
When one learns about something, it can be a time where they are told to believe just about everything they hear. There is then no need for them to question anything and to think for themselves.
The Education System It could be said that this is something that typically takes place when one goes to school for the first time. During this time, different authority figures will talk to them about what took place in the past, amongst other things. This is not to say that these people are going out of their way to deceive people, as this is unlikely to be the case. There is a strong chance that they believe that what they are talking about is the truth. Agents If this is the case, then these people are unknowingly filling people’s minds with lies and illusions. And as they don’t realise what is taking place, it is going to be normal for them to stand by what they know. Therefore, even if one was to question what they are told, they could end up being overlooked. One could also find that it is not always possible for them to know if they are being told the truth, as they might not be very well informed at this stage of their life. Glorified Regurgitation After learning about different things whilst they were at school, they will have a mind full of information. Yet although it is information that has been passed from other people, it can end up defining how they see the world. As a result of this, one might no longer see the world through their own eyes, and this can be due to one being told what to think as opposed how to think. In this sense, they will have been let down by the mainstream education system. Ill Equipped This can then make it easy for other authority figures to manipulate them, and this is because they don’t have the skills that they need to read between the lines, so to speak. For example, one could then have the tendency to believe everything they read in a paper. The same thing could also occur if they were to watch the new on TV, or if they were to read about things online. One way of looking at this would be to say that the people behind the scenes want people to leave school without the right tools, as it will be a lot easier to control them. It Goes On But while one could leave school and seek employment, they could also end up carrying on with their education. They could then go to college or university, and they can then continue to be told what to believe about the world. However, if one has spent most of their life being told what to believe, they could end up being on board with it at this stage in their life. One is then going to have no reason to question what they hear and it could also be easy for them to find evidence for what they believe. Validation Through coming into contact with information and experiences that back up what they believe, they could say that this proves that they are right. Yet, what this could also show is that their mind is blocking out anything that goes against what they believe to be true. Still, without realsing how the mind works, it is going to be a challenge for them to see when this takes place. At the end of the day, one will be able to find information to back up most things. Another Response Nevertheless, it would be inaccurate to say that everyone needs to be taught how to think critically in order for them to have this ability. What this comes down to is that some people are able to do this regardless of what their time in the education system was like. This can then mean that they won’t have believed everything they were told, and this may have got them into trouble. Even so, it will be something that allows them to function better in a world that is full of propaganda. Two Options And when one learns about something during their time in the education system, they are likely to learn that most things are black and white. This is not to say that these words will be used; what it comes down to is that there can be one way of looking at things. How they see things is then going to be how things are, and that’s going to be all there is to it. One’s ability to think critically can then be inhibited and they won’t be able to see that there are more than two ways of looking at things. Examples If they were to go to university, they could be conditioned to believe that the only reason one sex wouldn’t get very far in life is because of sexism. Racism could be another term that is used when one race is seen as doing better than another. One Outlook There will then no reason for them to take a deeper look into why certain things happen, and it could then be said that they will end up making things even worse. As without knowing what the causes actually are, it won’t be possible for them to find the right solutions. But if one has been told that there is only way of looking at something, there is going to be no reason for them to take a step back. They won’t need to think critically and this will save them a lot of energy. Conclusion Ultimately, very little in life is either black or white, but to see this one will need to be able to think critically. Now, while this will mean that one needs to actually use their mind and not allow their mind and their emotions to use them, it will allow them to form more accurate conclusions. The alternative will be for one to believe that something is black and white and then to allow their life to be defined by it. One is then going to be operating in the same way as a young child, and this is because their thinking brain won’t be fully functional.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Body Shaming: Is It Naive For Someone To Expect Everyone To Accept Their Appearance Online?16/9/2016
When someone uses social media, they can share many different parts of their life, and along with this, they can share different parts of their body. However, while they can do this, it doesn’t mean that they will decide to share everything.
Instead, one can choose to only share certain parts of their life, and when it comes to their body, they may share very little. It might only be possible for other people to see this part of them with their clothes on. The Other Side But if this is not the case, it can mean that one will end up sharing just about everything online. They are then not going to hold back and it won’t be hard for other people to find things out. And when it comes to their body, they may have a number of pictures where they are wearing very little. These could also be pictures where the only thing people can see is their body, or different parts of it. Objectification In this case, one may have pictures where only their lower body can be seen and/or their upper body, for instance. This can be seen as a way for them to express themselves, and they may even do it to show how they are progressing at the gym. One is then choosing to use their body as an object and this will then be seen as something positive. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will always have this outlook, and this is because they could respond differently when this takes place in the media. Outrage After seeing this in the media, they could end up getting angry, and say that they are using people, for instance. But then when they do it, it is going to be a different story, and this would then show that they are being hypocritical. At the same time, one might not care about how people are portrayed by the media; they could just see it as being how life is. They could say that it has happened for a long time and so it is unlikely to change any time soon. The Main Reason In general, it could be said that one will share things on social media to keep their friends and family informed about what they have been doing. This is going to be a lot easier than if they were to get in touch with everyone personally. And when the people on their friends list are people who they actually know, it is going to be a lot safer for them to share things. This is not to say that they won’t end up experiencing anything negative when they use social media; what it means is that it could be a lot worse if they added anyone. Approval Thus, when they share something on their wall, they may expect to receive a certain amount of approval. This will typically take place through receiving ‘likes’ and by people commenting on what they post. At times, they may share something because they want to express themselves, and at other times, they may be looking for approval. Perhaps they are not having a good day, or they may want to know what people think of their appearance. Attachment If they only want to express themselves, might not be very attached to how people respond. Yet, if they are looking for people tor respond in a positive manner, they could have the need for a certain outcome to arise. As a result of this, it could be said that it will be better for them to share things out their need for self-expression. When they don’t do this, they will be allowing other people to define how they feel about themselves. Appearance Still, if one doesn’t feel completely comfortable with how they look or their body, they may find that sharing a picture online has a positive effect on them. The feedback that they get from other people could alter the idea they have formed. Once they have received this feedback and as they start to see themselves differently, they might not need anything else. One can then carry on with their life and it might be quite some time before they go through the same process again. Both Sides However, when one does look for approval, there is always the chance that they won’t get it. And along with this, they could end up receiving responses from people that are not very pleasant. This is part of life and something that can’t be avoided, and this is why it is important for one to bear this in mind when they are looking for approval. As if one shares something and they only expect good things from others, they could be in for a rude awakening. Body Shaming It could be said that there is an even greater chance that they won’t be approved of when they add people they don’t know and when they allow anyone to view their profile. One will then have opened themselves up to the whole world and anyone will be able to comment on what the share. It is then not just going to be their friends and family who can see their updates; it will also be people who are abusive and find it hard to empathise with others, for instance. One could then end up feeling even worse about how they look, and this could then cause them to feel like a victim. Naive They could then stay in this state and retract, or they could end up complaining about how nasty some people are and try to change the world in some way. It will then be vital for them to do something about this injustice Nonetheless, it could be said that one needs to realise that the world isn’t perfect, and that there will always be people who are not supportive of them. This doesn’t mean that this it acceptable, but by coming to terms with it one can save themselves a lot of trouble. Conclusion Ultimately, the internet has created a platform for people from all walks of life to express themselves, and this is something that needs to be understood. As although one can share things from the comfort of their own home or anywhere else for that matter, what they share can be seen by people who they wouldn’t want to be in the same room with, let alone the same country.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
In the past, someone would have needed to go out in order to meet someone, but in today’s world, that is no longer necessary. Nowadays, the only thing that they need to do is to go online.
Social media can allow them to find what they are looking for, or they can go one step further and join a dating site. When it comes to what option they take, it can all depend on what they are looking for. Omnipresent However, this is not to say that one can only chose one option, as they can use both of these options. And instead of simply joining one dating site, they can join a number of them. In this sense, it will be similar to one being in a number of bars or clubs at the same time. As a result of this, it could be said that they will have far more control than they would have if they were to go out into the world. A Difference At the same time, one is generally going to find that it is easier for them to meet people on a dating site than on social media. When they use social media, they might be able to take things further with someone they know, or even someone they have been with before. But other than that, it is not going to be easy for them to find the kind of person who is a match for them. This is not going to be the case when they use sites that are there to assist them with this. The Right Option Through signing up to a site, one can search for someone who fits their criteria, and this will mean that they won’t need to waste time going through profiles that are not a match. Still, this is not to say that they will find someone straight away, as they could experience a number of different challenges. Even so, if one was to go out into the real world it doesn’t mean that they would find someone straight away either. Therefore, it is going to be important for one to be patient and to realise that they might not find their ideal partner when they want to. Two Sides And along with what they are doing externally, it is also going to be necessary for them to be in the right place internally. If they are not in a good place, then it is highly unlikely that they will find someone who is right for them. For example, if one wanted to run a marathon, they wouldn’t just turn up at the race; they would undergo the right training. In the same way, if one wants to rind the right partner they will also need to prepare themselves. Self-Love Now, this is not to say that one needs to be in a position where they always say kind things to themselves and their life is perfect. What it comes down to is that if they don’t like themselves, there is a strong chance that they will end up attracting someone who is the same. Each of them is then not going to be in a good place, and one could then end up being with someone who is abusive, for instance. This is why it has been said that in order for one to find the one, they have to become the one. The Foundations When one values themselves, it is going to be a lot easier for them to find someone who will also value them. Ultimately, the people they attract into their life are going to reflect them on some level. It could be said that the longer someone stays in their life, the greater the chance that what is taking place within them matches up with what is taking for the other person. If one attracts people who they value and admire, they might be only too happy to agree with this. Self-Awareness Yet if this is not the case, it can be a lot harder for them to see that the people in their life mirror them in some way. Still, if one wants to change their circumstances, it will be essential for them to take a deeper look at what is taking place within them. And although this is something that can cause one to experience lot of pain, it won’t last forever. The alternative would be for one to ignore what is taking place within them and to continue to attract people who are not right. The Other Side So when one is happy with themselves and their own life, attracting someone online should be relatively simply. However, although one can use online dating to start a new relationship, they can also end up using it when they are already in one. What this comes down to is that using it can be seen as low risk; especially as one can look for someone without having to change their schedule. They can behave as they usually do and there is then no reason for their partner to suspect that anything is taking place. Business as Usual One can then look for other people when they are at work or when they are at home and they won’t need to use a lot of energy. Yet, if their partner is in tune with them they might notice that they are not as present as they usually are. And as one is only talking to other people online and not in person, there is chance that they won’t feel as though they are doing anything wrong, or if they do feel guilty, they could say to themselves that they are only taking to people. Thus, it is then going to be a lot easier for one to justify their behaviour. One Step Further After a while, they could end up taking the next step, and what they have said online will be backed up by what they do. One has then not only betrayed their partner through talking to other people in a sexual manner, they have betrayed then by going with another person. Conclusion It could be said that if someone wants to cheat they will, and this is something that can’t be denied. At the same time, if online dating didn’t exist there is the chance that they would just carry on with their life. For one thing, there would be a greater need for them to work things out with their partner. This is then similar to how someone is more likely to eat chocolate if it is near them, and how they might eat something else if they didn’t have any available.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone wants to achieve something, they can take action and more towards their goal. But if they don’t do this, it can mean that they will end up looking for information on how they can move forward.
As to whether one does the former or the latter can all depend on what it is that they want to achieve. At the same time, this might not have an effect on what approach they take. Guidance One could simply be in a position where they don’t feel comfortable taking action, and this then this is then going to mean that they need take their time. There is then the chance that they are more of a thinker than a doer, or they may just like to think things through. Once they have a rough idea of what it is that they need to do, they could soon be on their way. This is then how they generally like to function and that’s all there is to it; there is no reason for them to change. A Different Approach Yet if one can identify with the former, they might not have the patience to take a step back and to go over different information. The only thing on their mind could be to go forward, and this could mean they are more of a doer than a talker. Even so, it might be necessary for them to restrain themselves and to take their time; especially if they don’t know what they are doing. If they don’t do this, they could end up wasting their time, or even causing harm. Flexibility What this shows is how important it is to be flexible, as this will make it easier for one to respond in a way that allows them to move forward. Alternatively, if one can only respond in one way, it is likely to cause them problems. It could be said that what defines if one is more likely to rush in or to hold back is a combination of a number of different factors. Their inborn temperament and the kind of nurturing they received during their early years will play a part. Examples If one wanted to become a martial arts expert, for instance, they wouldn’t need to spend much time looking into what they need to do. If they are not aware of where they can go to train, they would just need to find a club. Yet if they wanted to become a nurse, it is not going to be possible for them to turn up at a hospital and to start assisting people. Before this happens, they will need to spend a number of years learning about things and having the right practical training. The Engine Nevertheless, through knowing what they want to do achieve, they will have something to aim for. And as they have this desire, it shows that they also have the drive to move forward. If this wasn’t the case, there wouldn’t be much chance of their dreams becoming a reality, and this is because it would be nothing more than an idea in their mind. The fire within them is burning, so to speak, and this is a positive sign. A Slight Dip As they begin to take action and the months go by, they may find they are just as enthusiastic as they were in the beginning. It is then not going to be a challenge for them to stay on track. Then again, one may find that they no longer feel like they did in the beginning and this could then cause them to think about if they want to carry on. What this could come down to is that they have got a long way to go, or it may mean that they have suffered a setback. Stepping Back However, if they were to take a step back and to reflect on why they are doing what they are doing, they may find that this starts to change. During this time, it will allow them to get in touch with their true needs. What could also make a difference here is if they were to reach out for support, and this could be from their friends or from a coach, for instance. The feedback that they receive could allow them to settle down and to keep going. Motivation One way of looking at this would be to say that it is going to be normal for one to experience a dip in their energy from time to time. Not only that, it is not going to be necessary for one to be full of energy all the time in order to achieve something. The important thing is that they are doing something that matters to them, and as a result of this they won’t always need to feel on top of the world. It can be as if they are doing what they came here to do, and that’s why they will keep going. Another Experience On the other hand, one may find that they can’t get back on track once they have experienced a setback, or when everything isn’t happening overnight. Or if they do get going again, they could soon end up in the same position. It would then be easy to say that this is a sign that they lack self-discipline and that they need to work harder. There is the chance that this is true, but then again, there might be more to it. Approval What this can also show is that one only wants to achieve something in order to please other people, and this is then why they are unable to stay on track. The energy that keeps them going comes from without and not from within. So unless other people give them the right responses, they are not going to have the energy they need. Ultimately, one will be completely dependent on other people when it comes to if they are able to achieve anything. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it will be important to let go of their need for approval and they may need to get in touch with their true needs. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone uses social media they can make sure that they only see what they want to see. As a result of this, it gives them far more control than they have in the real world, and this can allow them to have a fulfilling experience online.
Different Options In order for them to control what they do or don’t see, the only thing they will need to do is to select the right options. Therefore, it is not as if they will have to do something that will take a lot of effort. For example, one can ‘unfollow’ someone if they don’t like what they have to say, or they can simply ‘unfriend’ them. Yet if this is not enough, they can report them and try to have them banned from the site. Omnipotent One way of looking at this would be to say that one will like a god when they go online, and this is because they will have so much control. And as one has this much control, there is going to be no reason for them to put up with things that will have a negative effect on them. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they will lose this control, and this comes down to the fact that there could be times when one of their friends shares something they don’t agree with. Or if this doesn’t happen, it could be something that occurs when they look through other peoples comments. Low Risk However, this could be something that will rarely take place and so it could be the last thing on their mind. Still, due to the amount of control they do have online, this could be something that is easy for them to overlook. Alternatively, one could find that these things have a big effect on them, and as they have removed everything else that annoys them, it could be said that this is not going to be a surprise. This is likely to show that this has caused them to have a low tolerance for discomfort and the smallest things could then be hard for them to handle. The Real World Nevertheless, no matter how much control they have online, it is likely to pale in comparison to the control they have offline. When they are in the real world, they will have to put up with things that they don’t like from time to time. For one thing, there will be times when they are around people who say things that they don’t agree with, and there will be very little that they can do. It could be said that this is just part of life and something that has to be accepted. Two Experiences Thus, providing that one can accept that their experiences online are going to be radically different to their experiences offline, it will be a lot easier for them to function in the real world. They will realise that even though they have a lot of control online, it is not possible for them to have the same amount offline. In this sense, one will have a balanced outlook and there will be no reason for them to get worked up over something they are unable to change. But while this will be the ideal approach to have, it doesn’t mean that everyone will have it. Overwhelmed Through being able to have so much control on social media, they can expect to have the same control offline. It is then going to be a challenge for them to handle their day-to-day life. The kinds of things that may have gone over their head in the past are going to have a negative impact on them. Their experiences online will have then made them sensitive (or even more sensitive than they were). Perfect But instead of realising why this has taken place, they could come to believe that the world needs to change. There is then going to be no reason for them to reflect on their own behaviour, as what is taking place around them will be seen as the problem. Now, clearly there are a lot of things in the world that need to change, and it is important for people to do what they can to alter this. The world has probably always been this way and there is a good chance that it always will be. Idealistic When one believes that the world should be how they want it to be, they are going to suffer unnecessarily. This doesn’t mean that they should simply accept what is taking place and not do anything about it; what it means is there is a strong chance that it will never be how they want it to be. It has been said it is normal for someone to be idealistic when they are younger and that when they grow up, they will become more realistic. What this emphasises is how social media can cause people to regress to an earlier stage of development. Control And by operating from this earlier stage of development, they are not going to be as a resilient as they would be if this wasn’t the case. Their need to change what is taking place in the world can then be a way to them to regulate their own emotions. In their eyes, they can believe that they are trying to make the world a better place, but in the eyes of others, they could be seen as someone who wants to control other people. It can all depend on what they try to change and how they go about it. Conclusion As social media is a relatively new invention, we are only just beginning to find out how it affects people. But with that aside, it is already clear to see that there are a number of pros and cons.
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Although siblings can have the same parents, it doesn’t therefore mean that they will up behaving in the same way. As a result of this, they can end up being radically different, and it might be hard for other people to realise that they are related.
The Reason If one was to ask someone why this is, they may tell them that it’s because they have different genetics. The kind of experiences they have had are then going to be overlooked, and that could be the end of it. It could be said that it is not going to be much of a surprise for someone to have this outlook, and this is due to amount of coverage genetics receive in the mainstream media. There are also other factors when it comes to why someone would come out with something like this. Parents For example, if someone is a parent and they have a child who is well behaved and a child who isn’t, they may say that it is due to their genetics. During this time, could talk about how they treated each child in the same way and so it can’t be the result of what they have done. Based on this, it would be easy to go along with what they have said and to look for further evidence. One way of looking at this would be to say that there would be no reason for them to lie and so they should be believed. A Grey Area However, it is not going to be this black and white, and this partly comes down to the fact that they might not be aware of how their behaviour has affected their children. Thus, it is not going to be about whether they are lying or whether they are telling the truth. What this could show is that they are out of touch with their own behaviour and that they are not willing to look at how they have shaped their children lives. This could also mean is that they lack the ability to engage in self-reflection. Lack of Awareness It is then going to be normal for someone like this to say that genetics play the biggest part in how someone turns out. Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to look at their own behaviour. If they were to put this outlook to one side and to look at how they have behaved around their children since they were born, it might cause them to experience a lot of pain. In this sense, putting everything down to genetics can be seen as a defence mechanism. Avoidance Through having this in place, it can stop someone from having to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it can allow them to get away with child abuse. Still this is not to say that genetics don’t have an effect and that it is all about how they are treated. To have this perspective would be just as inaccurate as saying that it is all about genetics. Temperament For one thing, whether someone is an introvert or an extrovert is something that is typically defined by their genetics. Their emotional style and level of aggressive they have is another thing that can also be set by the time they are born. Even so, how someone deals with these different aspects can be down to how they were treated by their parents at the beginning of their life. Thus, what this emphasises is how important it is for them to be in tune with their children, as this will allow them to give them the guidance that they need to function at their best. For Example If parents can see that one child is an introvert and another is an extrovert, they will be able to make sure they get the right amount of stimulus. There will then be no reason of them to try and change one child and to shame them for being different. Each child can then grow up believing that there is nothing wrong with who they are and this will have a positive effect on their self-image. The alternative would be for one to them to grow up believing that their behaviour is acceptable and the other to believe the opposite. A Difference Experience But although this is the ideal, it is not something that always takes place, and this can then set up one sibling to experience conflict with this side of themselves. And if they don’t force themselves to be more outgoing, they can end up withdrawing even further. One sibling can then end up expressing their true-self and the other can end up disconnecting from it. Clearly they will both live in the same environment, but their experiences in that environment will be different. Other Factors This can also be a time when one parent prefers one child over the other, and this is can have a negative effect on the child who is responded to in a different manner. In addition, one child could be more intelligent than the other, and this could cause them to be treated in a certain way. The other sibling can then be seen as someone who is not very intelligent, or their creative ability could be ignored. Their birth order is another thing that can play a part in how responsible they are and their level of confidence and this is due to how they are treated. Projection Each sibling can feel the need to behave as their parents want them to and this can cause them to go against their true-nature, and they can expect different things from each sibling. This is something that will take place out of the need to be approved of. Now, it could be said that it is not going to be possible for parents to always see their children for who they are, and this is because it is human nature to project. Yet this is not going to be the same as when a child’s true-self is completely ignored and ends up being a reflection of what their parent/s doesn’t want to face within themselves. Conclusion There are many different factors involved when it comes to why siblings are different, and to say that it is purely genetics would be an oversight. And if one feels limited by what took place during their younger years, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Emotional Problems: Why Do Some Men Suffer In Silence When They Have Mental And Emotional Problems?10/9/2016
While anyone can suffer from mental and emotional problems, there is a stronger chance that someone will reach out for support if they are woman. What this comes down to is that this is something that affects each sex differently.
Times Have Changed As although certain parts of the world have changed in terms of how each sex behaves, it doesn’t mean that everyone feels as though they can behave how they want to behave. For example, someone can believe that it is ok for them to express certain parts of themselves, but that they need to hide others. Therefore, older generations could look at their behaviour and think about how they didn’t feel comfortable behaving in the same way, and yet one could feel restricted. And if they only have their own experience to go by, it is going to be normal for them to think about how bad they have it. A Process What this emphasises is that it takes time for things to change, and while there is less pressure on men and women to behave in a certain way, it hasn’t completely disappeared. As a result of this, there can be moments when someone ends up behaving in ways that go against their true nature. It would then be easy to blame society and to say that this is something that will take place when they go out into the world. It will then be necessary for them to be around their friends and/or family in order for them to be themselves. A Closer Look Yet even though this can sound accurate, it is not always going to be this black and white. One could find that this matches up with their reality, or they may find that this is something they experience even when they are around the people they are close to. It then won’t matter if they are around people they know or people they don’t know, as they will suffer. They will feel as though they always have to act like a man/woman and this is going to cause them to feel trapped. Out of Their Hands Now, when it comes to what society is like, it could be said that one has very little control. However, this is not the case when it comes to who they spend their time with, and this is because they can choose their friends. And if one was to have people in their life that didn’t pressure them to be a certain way, they could still have expectations. The expectations that they have could all depend on what their sex is. Intimate Relationships If one is a man, they could find that although their partner is fairly accepting, this soon changes if they show emotion. This could come as a surprise if their partner acts as though they are a balanced or an evolved human being. And if one is a woman, they could also find that their partner starts to change if they act in an assertive manner. Their partner could say that he accepts strong women, but one will see that this is not the complete truth. Cut-Off Due to this, one doesn’t need to be in a position where they don’t have any friends to feel disconnected from others. This is something they can experience even if they have a partner and a number of people in their life. And along with how they behave around their partner (if they have one), there can also be how they feel the need to behave around their same sex friends. This can mean that one will end up hiding parts of themselves when they are around them. In The Headlines When it comes to what men have the tendency to hide when they are around others, their feelings are likely to be at the top of the list. This is something that has been shown by the amount of men who commit suicide each year. Instead of these men reaching out for the support they need, they end up taking their own lives. It can be easy to say these men are selfish for taking their own life and leaving people behind to live with the consequences of their actions, but it could be said that this overlooks how much pain they must have been in. Unbearable For one to say that another person was selfish for taking their life, it can show that they can’t or won’t empathise with them. And if someone has left young children behind, for instance, it can show that the pain was overwhelming. Everything else, no matter how important it was, would then have faded into the distance. They then believed that only way for them to change their life was to end their life, and this would have been seen as what would allow them to finally be free. Two Experiences When a man is going through something like this or is suffering in another way, there is going to be at least two sides. On one side, there will be the pain of what is taking place within them, and on the other side, there will be how they feel and the thoughts they have about sharing what they are going through with others. What this can come down to is that they can feel the need to look as though they have it all together, and this can be the result of them believing that they are always supposed to be strong. This is then where their value comes from and if they were to show another side, other people would reject and abandon them. Shame The pain they are going through is then kept within them due to the amount of shame they are experiencing around what is taking place within them. This can then cause them to create their own prison, and at best they will suffer in silence, or at worst they will take their life. Awareness If one is going through a challenging time, it is essential that they reach out for support, and the sooner they do this the sooner their life will begin to improve. This support can be provided by a therapist or a trusted friend, for instance. Reaching out for support is something that takes courage and is not a sign of weakness.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Nowadays, someone no longer needs to get in touch with their friends in order to find out what they have been doing. The only thing they need to do is to go online and to use a social media site.
During this time, they could get an in depth understanding of how their friends have been spending their time. And if some of the people they know don’t share a great deal, there is still the chance that they will get a rough idea. Part of Life This is then something that can make their life a lot easier, and this is because they will be saving time and energy. Also, this can take place no matter where they are or what they are doing. Staying up to date with their friends can then be as a normal as moving their arm or their legs. It has seamlessly integrated with the rest of their life and it could be said that this is one reason why so many people use social media. A Device However, if it wasn’t for the Smartphone and other devices that are available, this wouldn’t to be the case. As if it wasn’t for these devices, one wouldn’t have the same level of freedom when it comes to using it. Instead, they would need to sit in front of a computer and it probably wouldn’t be seen in the same light. What it would be is just something they use as opposed to something that feels like another part of them. Celebrities Along with their friends and family who they can keep up to date with, there will also be the people they don’t know. This can be the musicians, actors, athletes and the so-called celebrities. There is then no need for one to read magazines or to search the web, for instance, as the information they want to know can be found in once place. The time that they save through having everything in one place can then be used to do other things. An Addition As a result of this, it is going to be seen as something that supplements certain areas of their life. One is then not going to believe that they can use social media to replace the kinds of things that have taken place for thousands of years. For example, social media can’t replace to face-to-face contact, and so one will still need to spend just as much time talking to their friends in person. It is then similar to how protein supplements are commonly used in today’s world, and yet it is still necessary for people to eat real food. On The Other Hand One way of looking at social media would be to say that it is like a knife; it can either cause harm or it can make one’s life easier. It all comes down to how it is used, and this is why it is neither good nor bad. Clearly, if one spends too much time in front of a screen and not enough time in front of real people, their well-being is going to be effected. Just as if one was to live on supplements and didn’t take the time to eat real food, their health is also likely to be undermined in some way. Being Curious When it comes to using social media to stay up to date with what other people are doing, one can find that this doesn’t stop them from living their life. It is then no different to them meeting a friend in the real world, hearing about their life, and then carrying on with their own plans. The alternative can be for one to be in a position where they spend less time on their own life and more time checking up on what other people are doing. This is not to say that one’s life will come to a standstill, as it can mean that they will put certain things on hold. On The Sidelines Through experiencing life in this way, they are going to end up neglecting their needs and watching other people meet their needs. One is then no longer in the driver’s seat of their own life; they are in the passenger’s seat, so to speak. Yet, if they are so caught up in what other people are doing, they might not even realise what is taking place. Looking at what other people are doing and ignoring their own life could then be what is normal. Emotional Consequences Nevertheless, this is not to say that one will be completely content with what is taking place, as this is unlikely to be the case. One could find that this causes them to feel down and even depressed. And they could find that the longer they watch other people live their life, the harder it is for them to live their own life. Watching other people’s lives could be what feels comfortable, and they may even have moments where it allows them to vicariously experience what someone else is doing. A Good Thing It can then be seen as something that has a positive effect on their life; especially as they will avoid a lot of discomfort through watching other people do things. Even so, this is going to take a lot of enjoyment out of their own life. If one was simply here to watch other people, it wouldn’t matter if they overlooked their own needs. But as they are here to live their own life, they are not going to be able to fully accept this experience. Conclusion Ultimately, this all comes down to balance, and how it is important for one to pay attention to how they use social media. If they are living their life and look at what other people are doing from time to time, it is not going to be a problem. Yet if they are not living their life and they spend a lot of time looking at what other people are doing (or what they say they are doing), it is going to set them up to suffer in one way or another.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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