I have often thought that even though I can say something to someone, it doesn’t mean that they will actually hear what I’m saying. Or to be more precise, they can hear the words that come out of my mouth, but that might be as far as it will go.
Due to the experiences they have had on this planet and what certain things mean to them, for instance, the message I was trying to convey may have gone straight over their head. Therefore, even though we spoke the same language, it can be as if was speaking a different language. A Unique Experience This is why it has been said that every human being on the planet, no matter what language they speak, is having their own experience on this planet. The words we speak and even some of the experiences that we have may cause us to believe that this is not the case, but it doesn’t change the fact that we are all alone on this planet. Even so, it doesn’t mean that every human being on the planet will accept this and won’t try to lose themselves in other people – or another person. The purpose will then be to deny the fact that they are alone and to do everything they can to merge with others. A Recent Conversation What made me think about all this was when I spoke to Ben Ralston, who is a therapist and trainer of therapists, healer, advanced Sivananda Yoga teacher, and writer. We were speaking about security, and he said that money and relationships are two areas were we often look for security. He went on to say that we come into the world by ourselves and that we leave the world by ourselves. But, although we are alone during our time here, it is not uncommon for people to try to do everything they can to deny this. Boundaries One thing that stood out was when he basically said that, a relationship shouldn’t stop us from realising we are alone. When someone doesn’t lose themselves in another person, they will be able to see that they are an individual as opposed to an extension of the other person. An individual with their own experience on this earth, and, while another person might be able to meet them half way, they won’t be able to become one with them and to fully share their experience. Both of them will have their own life to live on this planet and their paths could branch off at any time. An Escape When someone doesn’t want to be with themselves and to accept that they are alone, it is highly likely that they will always be in a relationship. The main priority might not be to be with someone who is a good match for them; it might just be to be with someone who will allow them to avoid themselves. One is then going to act as though they are part of the other person, even though they are physically separate from them and have their own reality. This will allow them to create the illusion that they are not alone on this planet and that the other person is experiencing life in the same way as them. Final Thoughts When this happens, one is likely to lose touch with their true essence and the reason why they are here. Their need to avoid pain will have taken over, causing them to be more like a dependent child than an interdependent adult. What this can show is that they are emotionally undeveloped, and this is why they are unable to be with themselves. Physically they will look like an adult, but emotionally they may feel like an abandoned child. It can then be necessary for them to reach out for the support of healer or a therapist, for instance, so that they can heal the trauma that is within them. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were neglected.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Emotionally Disconnected: Do Some Men's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Emotionally Disconnected?22/9/2018
Although both men and women can be out of touch with how they feel, it is undoubtedly something that impacts a lot of men. Therefore, it would be easy to say that more men than women are affected in this way, but that would possibly be a matter of conjecture.
With that aside, when a man has the tendency to be out of touch with how he feels, he can go one of two ways. Either he can be happy with how rational he is and end up criticising both men and women for being ‘too emotional’ and ‘needy’, or he can come to the conclusion that something isn’t right and have the urge to do something about it. One Level Yet, regardless of what a man believes when he is generally out of touch with how he feels, what is pretty clear is that, in general, he is likely to experience life in a certain way. What he may find is that it is as though he is living on the surface of life, as though he is unable to go to a deeper level. Now, this doesn’t mean that he won’t have a mind that questions life and looks deeper into the nature of reality, for instance. No, what it comes down to is that as he is out of touch with how he feels, he most likely won’t be able to connect with people at a deeper level. Two Options Thus, he will be able to share his mind with others and even his body, but his heart won’t be available. So, he is going to find it hard to form strong connections with others and other people will have the same issue when it comes to forming strong connections with him. When it comes to the people in his life, they might only be there because they serve a purpose. For example, he might just get in touch with these people when he wants to go out or if he wants something. An Imbalance The part of him that just wants to give and doesn’t need anything in return – his heart – won’t be there to balance his relationships out. This doesn’t mean that he will always come across as though he doesn’t care about others, as he might have developed the ability to act as though he cares. This is then going to be an act that he can put on when he has a need - or a number of needs - that need to be met. There will be certain people who are pulled in by this behaviour and will stay around, while there are likely to others who will pull away shortly after they have realised what is going on. A Common Theme Due to the fact this man is divided, he may find that he has the inclination to attract people who are just as disconnected, as well as those that are overwhelmed by their emotions. When he is around people who are highly emotional, he may end up wondering why they can’t control themselves. Still, soon after this, he may think about what it would be like to be in touch with how he feels. That will, of course, depend on if he is aware of the fact that he is emotionally disconnected. Completely Unavailable If he has had a number of relationships with women in the past, he will probably have been with a number of women who have lamented the fact that he wouldn’t commit. Its then as if these women have been available but he hasn’t, however, this is likely to be nothing more than an illusion. The reason these women were attracted to him is likely to be because they were also unavailable; it’s just that they would have been so consumed by the fact that he was unavailable that they were unable to see that they were also unavailable. But, to have realised this, they would have had to take their attention away from him and to focus on what was taking place within them. Up and Down As a result of being out of touch with his feelings and therefore, his body, he, in all probability, won’t have the capacity to experience love, joy, gratitude, or even true happiness and fulfilment. Nevertheless, what he may be able to experience is anger, frustration, anxiety and fear, and he may have moments when he feels flat. If he does feel good, it might be a sign that he has had to use his willpower, and this can mean that he looked towards the external world to feel alive. Drugs, sex, or alcohol, for instance, are then going to be needed to lift him up and out of the depths of hell. Out of Touch The good feelings that are within him are going to be out of reach, and this is why he will depend on external stimuli to change his inner state. Additionally, being this way may mean that he is unable to understand others people’s facial expressions and body language (subcommunication); then again, he may have developed this ability through reading books. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is just what some men are like and that’s the end of it. And, while some men may be born this way, there are going to be others that are not. Way Back What can define whether or not a man’s emotional self is integrated is what his early years were like. How his caregivers treated him, along with what took place during his time in the education system can play a part here. His early years may have been a time when he was abused and/or neglected, which would have meant that he had to disconnect from his body in order to survive. Conversely, he might not have been abused, but, he may have been brought up in an environment where his caregivers rarely acknowledge his emotional self. Undeveloped Perhaps his father was also out of touch with his feelings, meaning that he wasn’t able to give his son the guidance that he needed to develop and to gradually integrate his emotional self. And the reason his father behaved in this way may have been due to how he was brought up. An emotionally numb father and a distant mother would then have helped to create an emotionally numb son, and this could be a pattern that goes back a number of generations. It is highly likely that this is something that took place unconsciously. Awareness If a man can relate to this, and he wants to become an integrated human being, he is going to need to redevelop a connection with his body. For this to happen, he may need to work through the trauma that he is carrying. As this takes place, he may find that he is able to connect to his body and to tune into how he feels. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, and, through the attunement/positive regard that someone like this provides, it can make it easier for him to become emotionally literate.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
About a year ago I went to a health and wellbeing centre and had a little look around the entrance, but I didn’t go any further. However, a few weeks ago I felt the urge to go to this place again, and this made me look at the website.
I found out that there would be a free guided mediation event in few weeks time and that this would be hosted by the Founder & Manager of the centre, Angela Oakes. When I looked at her picture on the website, I got the impression that she was nurturing and down to earth. A Pleasant Environment Shortly after I arrived at the centre, I was directed to a room where the first part of the event would take place and I was told that I could help myself to a tea if I wanted one. On my way to this room I noticed that there were a number of positive messages dotted around, and one of the messages was about how important it was to be persistent, not perfect. The room where I waited felt very peaceful and I ended up being drawn to a small image that spoke about a chakra labyrinth. I had heard of the charka system before, yet I hadn’t come across anything where these two things were combined. An Accurate Assessment When I met Angela, it became clear that the impression I had formed after seeing her picture was pretty accurate. She had a very light and nurturing presence, and most importantly, she was present. Taking this into account, and after hearing about how she had gradually built the centre up over the years and how she was doing what she could to no longer use plastic, I came to the conclusion that she was a true humanitarian. Once we had all had a good chat, we went into another room for the guided meditation. Very Relaxing One of the things that stood out during the guided relaxation was when Angela basically said that the in breath represents the masculine energy, while the out breath represents the feminine energy. A few moments after she said this, I knew exactly what she was talking about. The masculine takes, and, when we breathe in, we are taking the air; the feminine, on the other hand, gives, and when we breathe out we are giving. This is, then, another example of how the masculine and feminine energies exist within everyone, regardless of their gender. Another Piece to the Puzzle Over the years I have written a number of articles that go into the difference between the masculine and the feminine and how important it is to integrate both of these energies. Ultimately, one side is no better than the other; both are needed in order to live a fulfilling existence. Still, this doesn’t mean that everyone on the planet will end up with the same amount of each aspect through undergoing this process. There will be some people who are more masculine than feminine and vice versa. A Fulfilling Night Another thing that stood out during the guided relation was how competent Angela was, which made me think about whether or not she had recorded any guided relaxation audios. What played a part in me thinking this was the variation in her voice and the fact that I have listened to a number of guided relaxation and hypnotherapy audios over the years. I am pleased that I went to this event, and I think that this shows the importance of listening to ourselves; if I had ignored the urge to go to this event, I would have missed. By going to this event, a number seeds were definitely planted. If you would like to find out more about Angela, and what is on offer at this health and wellbeing centre that is based in Kent in England, please go to - http://www.theholisticentre.uk.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For a number of years now, the self development industry has been doing what it can to make people realise that they are not victims - to allow them to see that they have an effect on the world. But, in recent years, so many people have been conditioned to see themselves as victims.
This is primarily the result of what is often described as ‘identity politics’, and this is where just about everyone is put into two groups. Someone is then either going to be an oppressed victim or they will be an oppressive perpetrator. The Death of the Individual When it comes to what will define whether someone belongs to first or the second group, the colour of their skin, their gender and their sexual orientation will play a big part. Not only will this stop someone from being able to see other people as individuals, it will also stop them from being able to see themselves as an individual. On the plus side, seeing the world in this way will stop this person from having to use their brain as much. Through putting people into different boxes and seeing the world as being black and white, they won’t expend as much mental energy. A New Meaning So, although having a victim mentality was generally seen as something negative thanks in part to the self development industry, it has become something that is often seen as something positive thanks to conditioning from the education system and the mainstream media. Some people would say that this is the result of ‘Cultural Marxism’, but, whatever the cause is, it is clear that certain people are often encouraged to see themselves as victims in today’s world. When someone has a victim mentality, they can see themselves as being a virtuous human being. Two Sides They are then going to feel disempowered on one side, but they will feel as though they are morally superior human beings on the other. The reason why they will feel superior to other people is that they are going to believe that - unlike the people who are oppressing people - they are not ‘oppressing’ anyone. They are not going to believe that certain people are empowered human beings who don’t need to oppress anyone to fulfil their needs; this is not a dynamic that will exist in their mind. The people who are empowered are then going to be thrown into the same box as the people who do oppress others, and these people are going to be immoral in comparison. A Number of Benefits This doesn’t mean that their needs won’t be met, though, and this is because their victim status will most likely allow them to receive things without having to give anything in return. Being a victim is then going to allow them to experience control in an underhand way. They won’t need to work for anything; they will be entitled to have just about anything they want from the people who are supposedly holding them back. It will be as if an invisible force exists, and that this force is controlling every part of their life. A Number of Similarities However, regardless of whether someone has bought into identity politics or just feels like a victim, they are unlikely believe that they have much an effect on their life. Consequently, it will probably be normal for them to feel powerless, helpless, angry and frustrated, among other things. They might be used to spending time with people who are happy to walk over them and to completely disregard their needs. If they are in a relationship, they might be with someone who physically abuses them, and, if they are not, they might have been with people like this in the past. A Bleak Existence When it comes to their career - that’s if they have one - they might have a job that is deeply unfulfilling. Yet, although they what they do drains them, it could be seen as the only option that is available to them. If they are on the other side of the fence, so to speak, and haven’t been able to get a job, they could believe that the world is trying to hold them back. Something out there is then not allowing them to get ahead. An Observer One is then going to be nothing more than an observer of their reality, meaning that they won’t play a part in how they experience life. They will be one person who shows up in every experience that they have, but this won’t matter. Their thoughts, feelings and what they believe about the world and themselves, along with their behaviour, will be irrelevant. And what will validate this outlook is that they are likely to spend time with people who experience life in a similar way. Disconnected The reason someone like this believes that they don’t have an effect on their reality is most likely due to the fact that they are out of touch with their inner world and are too attached to their mind. If they were able to detach from their mind and to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may be able to see how their external world is mirroring back what is taking place in their internal world. It is then not they are merely an observer of their reality; they are actually playing a big part in how they experience life. With this in mind, they are not being victimised by others, they are being victimised by themselves. Awareness Even though it is not going to be empowering for them to experience life in this way, it is likely to be what feels safe at a deeper level. And, until they become aware of why this is and do something about it, their life will most likely stay the same. If they were to look back on their childhood years, they may that that is wasn’t safe for them to express themselves. This would have caused them to associate staying small with being safe and it would have set them up to feel comfortable with being treated badly. When it comes to letting go of a victim mentality, one may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For at least a number of decades, people in the west have been told that they need to stop having as many children due to ‘overpopulation’. This is a message that has been expressed directly and indirectly.
Over the years, there have been plenty of people in the west that have heeded this advice. This has meant that some people have only had one child, while others haven’t had any children. Two Parts What has also played a part, of course, is that so many women have put their career first; waiting until the latter part of their life to have children. And, naturally, the longer a woman waits to have children, the fewer children she is likely to be able to have. So, while some people have put their own needs to one side due to belief that having children will do more harm than good, there are others that have just been too busy with others areas of their life to have them. This is not to say that the people who belong in the second group were not influenced by the message above, though. Low Birth Rates The outcome of all this is that the people in the west are not having enough children and, if this continues, it won’t be long until western civilization comes to an end. But, while this has been going on, the western world has taken in millions of migrants. The people who are coming in from others countries are then making up the numbers, so to speak. It then doesn’t matter where these people are from or what their values are, for instance, as they are seen as people who are just going to assimilate and allow western civilisation to carry on as normal. An odd Scenario While all those men, women and children (mainly men according to reports) have been coming into western countries, the people in power have been telling the populace that this needs to happen. And that if this doesn’t take place, western civilisation won’t survive for much longer. What’s strange about all this is that the people at the top have been telling people in the west not to have as many children due to overpopulation, and now the people in power are saying that the west needs to accept millions of migrants to stop their civilisation from disappearing. Of course, it not about making it easier for these people to have children of their own; no, it’s about bringing in people from radically different cultures. A Big Mistake One way of looking at this would be to say that the people at the top didn’t think about the long-term effects and this why they were unable to realise what would happen. But, as things gradually got worse they were able to see what was taking place, which is why they are trying to bring in so many migrants. These people are only human after all, so this is surely a mistake that just about anyone could make. However, what if these people were only too aware of what would happen and that the plan has been to destroy western civilisation right from the start? The Kalergi Plan This is not to say that this plan has only been in place since they started to tell people about the world becoming overpopulated. There is the chance that this plan has been in place for a very, very long time. What is clear is that there are a number to ways to destroy a civilisation, and using guns and bombs is just one of the ways this can be done. Another way - a way that is far more subtle and gradual – is to destroy it from the inside. The Big Picture If someone focuses purely on the people who are coming over and the fact that they need somewhere to live, they are unlikely to think about the long-term effects of mass migration. Through being caught up in their own empathy and compassion, their ability to think critically can be offline. Yet, if they were able to take step back from how they feel and to look at what is taking place, it would give them the opportunity to think about the effect that this will have on the western world. One of the things that can stop someone from questioning what is going on is that they can fear being called a ‘racist’ or seen to suffer from ‘xenophobia’ if they are seen as someone who is not fully on board with uncontrolled immigration and wants to protect their borders. The Perfect Scenario And, if the people at the top do want to destroy western civilisation, the last thing they will want is for the citizenry to scrutinize what is taking place. If they were to do this, they would get in the way of their grand plan. Thus, the fear of being called a racist or labelled as xenophobic, or any of the other made up words, will keep a lot of people quiet. Guns won’t be needed, as people will silence themselves due to the fear of being slandered or ostracised – or put into prison. The Big Delusion To say that people in the western can seamlessly be replaced by people from the Middle East and Africa, for instance, is tantamount to saying that players from a Sunday league football team can seamlessly fit into a top level football team and just embrace a new culture. It is based on the ideology that everyone on the planet is the same and that one person - no matter what they are like - can simply be replaced by the next person. Not only do human beings have different abilities, they also have different values and ways of seeing the world. So, just because someone moves from one country to another, it doesn’t mean that they will instantly take on the values of the country they are in. Tribalism If they wanted to do this it could take decades, and that’s as big if, as they might not even wont to adapt to the country they are in. They might prefer to stay as they are and to surround themselves with people who are very similar. When this happens, they can end up doing everything they can to turn where they live into another version of where they came from. There is then going to be no assimilation; the only thing that will happen is that they will use the resources that are given to them to create their own country within a country. Conclusion The belief about the western civilisation won’t survive without mass migration is an example of what is often seen as ‘double speak’. If there are not enough people it the west, bringing in more people can sound like a great idea, but if the people who are coming in are generally different in so many ways, this wont approach won’t save western civilisation. When people live in a civilisation that is generally peaceful and allows them to get most of their needs met, it can make them soft and naive, and it can set them up to be out of touch with their instincts. What this then does is make these people easy targets to the people who live on the outside – those who are not as ‘civilised’ and are in touch with their instincts.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Dating: Should Someone Be Suspicious If Another Person Acts Extremely Interested In The Beginning?19/9/2018
If someone was to come across a dog, and this dog was to jump up and down, making it clear that he/she was pleased to see them, there would be no reason for them to wonder what was going on. This is due to the fact that this just what dogs are like; they don’t need a reason to be warm and responsive.
However, if they were to come across another human being who behaved in this way, there would probably be a reason for it. Now, there is always the chance that this person is a close friend. Perfectly Normal Therefore, the reason why they have behaved in this way is because they know who they are and they value them as a person. The way in which this person will behave towards them is then the result of what has taken place between them over the weeks, months, and even years that they have known them for. When they met one for the first time, they may have been polite but they might not have been as friendly as they are now. It could then be said that one had to earn the other persons trust and respect before they could be treated in this way. The Main Difference One way of looking at this would be to say that human beings have to be more discerning that dogs. If they were to simply embrace everyone in the same way and allowed anyone into their life, it would lead to problems. This doesn’t mean that they can’t be polite, though, what it comes down to is that in order for them to look after their own wellbeing they need to find out what someone is like. Not only this, dogs are generally dependent on human beings for their own survival, whereas human beings are not dependent in most cases. Another Area Bearing this in mind, if someone was to come across another person who not only made it clear that they were attracted to them, but was practically all over them, it could show that something isn’t right. Said another way, this could be what is often described as a ‘red flag’ in the dating world. The other person is not going to know a great deal about them, yet they will act as though they are in love with them. It can be as if they have been in a relationship for a number of months even though they have only just met. From The Outside If another person was to catch a glimpse of what is taking place, they may believe that these two people are actually together. It might just appear as though one person is more interested than the other. One of them will be laid back; while the other will have a greater attachment. If they were to find out that these people know very little about each other and what their values are, for instance, they could be surprised. A Level Head If one was to come across someone who behaved in this manner, they might get a sense that something isn’t right. They might not be able to pinpoint exactly why this is, but what will be clear is that they feel uncomfortable. Being around someone who is touchy-feely and who gives them a lot of positive feedback might be pleasant, but it won’t sit right with them. What this can then show is that they are fairly secure within themselves. Abnormal For one thing, they won’t have earned this kind of behaviour, and, as the other person won’t know much about them, there is going to be no reason for them to be so interested. If one was famous this kind of behaviour would make more sense, as this person would have a better idea about who they are. Even so, even if one had been in different films, for instance, it still wouldn’t mean that the other person would know what they are like as a person – beyond the roles that they have played. What this would show is that they are projecting a lot onto them, making it hard for them to connect to them as a real human being. Emotionally Undeveloped Someone like this is then unlikely to feel like a whole human being, and this is going to cause them to look toward certain people to complete them. Acting in a seductive manner is then going to be a way for them to pull someone into their life, thereby allowing them to feel whole. In this case, someone is likely to see another person as a mother or father figure, not as an individual in their own right. On the outside, then, they might look like an adult, but deep down, they will probably feel like a needy child. A Vulnerable Position However, although someone who is in a good place is likely to be repelled by someone like this, there are going to be others who aren’t. Consequently, if someone is in a low place and is feeling very needy, for whatever reason, they can end up falling for this behaviour. It can feel as though they are the centre of the universe in the beginning but, after a little while, the other person could discard them and find someone else. At one point they will be on one side of the emotional spectrum, feeling really good and even special, and, at another, they will be on the other side, feeling really low and worthless. Awareness It might become clear that it was not that the other person really liked them; it was just that they needed someone to make them feel better. This person was not looking for love – and if they were, they would have taken the time to get to know them. This will have caused one to experience a lot of pain, but on the plus side, they will know what to look for in the future. If this is something that has happened to them on more than one occasion, it may be a sign that they don’t feel whole and complete. What this may then mean is that they need to work through the pain that is within them, as this will allow them to realise that they are already whole and complete. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Around three months ago I started practicing Qi Gong, and, as I mentioned in a previous article, this was something that I had heard about quite some time ago. When I look back on what I have gained from doing it about once a week since I first started, I can say that it has been time well spent.
In the beginning, I thought that some of the movements were a bit strange and I wondered how ding them would benefit my life. But what I noticed after a few sessions is that I felt more grounded. In The Zone After three sessions, I started to really get into some of the movements - and this meant that what was going on around me faded into the background. When this didn’t take place it was because I was too caught up in my mind. It was incredibly liberating and relaxing to be out of my mind and to be firmly rooted in my body. Instead of being caught up in the past or the future, I could embrace the present moment. A Reference Point Once a session was over and each hour went by, this was an experience that started to wear off. Still, I didn’t return to how I was before; what I experienced during a session had left a mark on me. What occurred to me was how disconnected I had been from my own body for most of my life and that I didn’t grow up feeling anchored to it. There were times when I felt like a floating head, which caused me to feel very unstable. The Key Long before I had tried Qi Gong I came to see that the way to be in the moment and to experience inner peace was to be in my body. Through trying Qi Gong and making progress, this was something that became even clearer. I came to the conclusion that this was the ideal tool to get me into my body and that I would have to do it on a consistent basis, or else I wouldn’t be able to maintain this connection. What also stood out was that the less trauma I had in my body the easier it would be for me to stay in it. Another Factor However, I also came to see that even if my childhood years were not traumatic and I was able to develop a strong connection with my body, there were still things that would cause me to leave my body. Modern day technology, for example, is one thing that can have the same effect. Taking this into consideration, even if someone hasn’t experienced a lot of trauma during the beginning of their life they can still spend a lot of time in their head due to spending so much time on different devices. The stresses of everyday life can also add to this, making it incredibly difficult for someone to settle into their body. Final Thoughts I would recommend Qi Gong to anyone who wants to feel more connected to their body and to feel more at peace, regardless of what their childhood was like. This is something that can be learnt online or by going to a class.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Manifestation: Do Some People’s Childhoods Make It Harder For Them To Manifest A Fulfilling Reality?17/9/2018
It has been said that it is not just someone’s thoughts that influence their reality; it is also their feelings. Therefore, it is going to be essential for them to pay attention to what is taking place in their mind, along with what is going on in their body, and to make sure that they are not undermining themselves.
Nevertheless, while it is easy to point this out, it is not always easy for someone to become aware of what is taking place within them and then to make sure that their inner world is functioning in a way that will allow them to experience a life that is worth living. But, once they can do this, it is highly likely that their life will start to move in a positive direction The Norm There are going to be plenty people on this planet who are functioning in this way, and this is likely to mean that it will be normal for them to have their needs met. Their inner dialogue will generally be supportive and their feelings will be nourishing in most cases. Still, this doesn’t necessarily mean that someone like this is going to be a millionaire or drive around in a Ferrari, for instance. It could mean that they have fulfilling relationships, a rewarding career and good health, amongst other things. Looking Back If they were to think about how long they have been this way for, they may find that they have been this way for quite some time. There may have been moments when they were hard on themselves but, in general, this won’t have been something that has plagued their life. What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were a time when they had people around them who were loving and supportive. The way that these people spoke to them would then have been internalised, before slowly becoming their inner voice. The Foundations These early experiences would then have built them up, allowing them to develop into a human being who values themselves. The self-love that they have will allow them to feel comfortable in their own skin, which is different to the love that someone experiences when they have developed an inflated sense of themselves because they feel worthless. The way that they talk to themselves and the beliefs that these early experiences allowed them to develop will allow them to feel good. How they feel will then influence what they end up being drawn to and what they draw into their life. Manifestation The reason for this is that human beings are not separate from anything, and this is why what is taking place within them will influence their reality. What can make this hard for someone to accept is that the mind sees itself as merely an observer of reality. Therefore, if someone is completely attached to their mind and is unable to see how this part of them functions, it will be as if their inner world has absolutely no effect whosoever on their external reality. If someone is not fully on board with the fact that their inner world influences their outer world but they have empowering beliefs and their self-talk is generally positive, it won’t matter. A Different Reality Similarly, if someone is not aware of this it also won’t matter, as their inner world will most likely have allowed them to manifest a fulfilling life. When it comes to someone who is used to spending time with people who undermine them and regularly has experiences that are not fulfilling, it is likely to show that their inner world is not very harmonious. They may spend a lot of time putting themselves down, and most of their beliefs are unlikely to be very empowering either. These beliefs are going to play a big part in the thoughts that they have and the feelings that they experience. Trapped When someone like this is unaware of how their inner reality is influencing their outer reality, it is not going to be a surprise for them to feel like a victim. They may even believe that their rights and feelings are simply an effect of what is taking place externally. Thus, if only their outer world changed, it would allow their inner world to change. One is then going to be passively waiting for something ‘out there’ to change and this is going to result in a very frustrating existence. Weak Foundations If they were to take the time to think about what their early years were like, they may find that this was a time in their life when they were not treated very well. They may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. So, instead of receiving what they needed in order to develop in the right way, what they received would have caused them to develop a negative inner voice and disempowering beliefs. Additionally, they may be carrying a lot of trauma, which will make it extremely difficult for them to handle their emotions. Self-Sabotage Not only can their inner voice make it hard for them to take action, this part of them can also tear into them if they make a mistake, and their beliefs are not going to support them either. And, if their emotions are generally out of control, it will be a challenge for them to feel good. Due to this, they could emit a lot of fear, thereby setting them up to attract situations and people that will mirror back what they fear. These early experiences may have caused them to believe that they are worthless, and this may also cause them to come into contact with people who will treat them in a way that will validate this belief. Awareness Fortunately, someone doesn’t have to experience life in this way until their time on this earth comes to an end. To change their life, it will be imperative for them change how they talk to themselves, to change their beliefs, and to heal the trauma that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Over the years, numerous people have said that the world would be a far better place if it was no longer run men. In their eyes, a world run by women would lead to a world that is far better for everyone.
When someone has this view, they can see men as being one way and women as being another way. It can be as though men are aggressive, violent, competitive and destructive, whilst women are empathetic, harmonious, cooperative and constructive. The Obvious Solution Having women in just about every position of power and influence is the going to be the answer to the problems that are plaguing the world. It can be as though men have done enough to harm the world and others, and now it is time for them to step down and to pass the baton over to women. It might seem as though it wouldn’t take very long for the world to change if this was to take place. Therefore, if the men in power actually cared about the planet and their fellow human beings, they would surrender their power. Not Equal Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason the world would be better with women at the helm is because they are more evolved than men. Unlike men, they don’t have the desire to control or dominate anyone or anything They care about others people’s feelings, and want to work in harmony with others and nature. So, unlike men, they realise that they are not separate from anything, which is why they function differently. Guidance Thus, in the same way that children learn from their caregiver’s and teachers how to behave, men would be able to learn from the women in power how to behave. And, slowly but surely, the planet would gradually transform into heaven on earth. One of the biggest problems with this is that most men in power are unlikely to simply give up their positions of power. No matter how convincing the argument is that the world would be better if they were to step down, it is highly unlikely that this would happen. A Slow Process It will then be essential for the men and the women who have this outlook to keep doing everything they can to get more women in power. This is something they can do by sharing their views online, and, if someone is a woman, they can put themselves forward when a position of power comes up. Like most things that are worth doing, this is not going to happen overnight, but, with patience and persistence, progress will be made. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it is unlikely that the Minoan civilization appeared overnight either. Stepping Back When someone believes that the world would be better if it was run by women, it could be said that they have an idealised view of women. Women are then not going to be just people who have good and bad traits; they are going to be goddesses who are walking the earth. By overlooking the fact that they are flawed beings just like men, it will be easy to see them through rose coloured glasses. In order for someone to perceive women in this way, they will need to do everything they can to avoid reality. Two Elements Now, this is not to say that both men are women are the same in every way. A woman can possess more of the feminine energy than a man, and, a man can possess more of the masculine energy than a woman. Empathy, harmony and cooperation are closely connected to the feminine, while aggression, competition and destruction are closely connected to the masculine. Nonetheless, a woman can still be out of touch with her feminine aspect, just as a man can be out of touch with his masculine aspect. Looking Deeper Taking this into consideration, it is not so much about whether man or a woman is in power; what really matters is what is taking place within someone. To say that a woman would be better in a position of power for simply being a woman is surely a clear example of what happens when someone can’t think rationally, or at least can’t think rationally when it comes to this area of life. If a woman is in touch with her feminine nature, along with her masculine nature, this may allow her to make decisions will have a positive effect on the world, and the same goes for a man. But, if she is out of touch with her feminine nature and too caught up in her masculine nature, she can end up being just as destructive as a man who is also out of balance. The Real World Equally, if a woman is in touch with her feminine nature but out of touch with her masculine nature, it can also lead to problems, and the same can be said for a man. There are, of course, a number of countries in the world where there are plenty of women in positions of power, yet this hasn’t lead to a utopian existed. Germany and Sweden, for instance, have plenty of women making the decisions, and these are countries that are unable to protect their citizens. Ironically, it appears as though women are the ones who have suffered the most. Out of Balance One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason these women have made such bad decisions - decisions that have put their fellow citizens at risk - is due to the fact that they haven’t integrated their masculine aspect. These women have displayed empathy and concern for people from other countries, but through operating from their hearts (empathy and compassion) and putting their mind to one side (rationality and critical thinking), they have been incredible naive and oblivious to the fact that not everyone has good intentions. Perhaps if they were more in touch with their masculine aspect, they would have been less idealistic and more realistic. Additionally, they might have been able to see how important borders are when it comes to protecting a country and a culture. Conclusion It is easy to look back on societies that were run by women, such as the Minoan civilisation, and to believe that this shows that it is better to have women in power. The trouble with this viewpoint is that it creates the impression that every woman is the same. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether someone is a man or a woman; what matters is the level of consciousness that they embody. It is then not about having more women in power, it is about having people in power who are integrated human beings.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wants to do something, they can say yes, and, if they don’t, they can say no. Both of these words are going to be important; one word won’t be more important than the other.
When someone can use both of these words, there will be no reason for them to have the tendency to ignore their own needs. Being able to pay attention to their own needs is also going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. The Right Approach They will treat themselves with respect, and this is something that other people will pick up on in one way or another. It will be clear that they are not willing to neglect themselves just to please another person. Clearly, if they were to do this, it would create the impression that they don’t really value themselves. Consequently, there would be no reason for other people to respect them either. Both Ways Most of the people in this person’s life are also likely to be able to use both of these words, too. So, when one says no, it won’t be as though this is something that these people are not familiar with. There will be moments when these people don’t want to do something, thus, they won’t expect one to always say yes either. This doesn’t mean that this won’t annoy them from time to time; what it means is that they will realise that everyone has their own needs. An Individual If one didn’t have their own needs, there would be no reason for them to say no to other people. Instead, they could say yes all the time and it wouldn’t have a negative impact on their life. One would then be nothing more than an extension of others, which would mean that other people would know what is best for them. But, as they are a separate human being and their needs are not always going to match up with someone else’s needs, they will be times when they have to say no. Standing Firm If they end up in a situation where another person is unable to accept their decision, there will be no need for them to cave in. The other person could try to make them feel bad or even threaten them, for instance. In this case, they will be able to stick by what they have said and to walk away if it is necessary. There is the chance that this person lacks boundaries, with this being the reason why they are unable to respect another person’s boundaries. The Best Option If they had said yes, it may have allowed them to avoid pain, at least in the short-term. Even so, this would have caused them to overlook their own needs, and there would have been other consequences. Not only would they have done something that they didn’t want to do, but they would also have paid the price emotionally. Their self-esteem would have taken a hit, too, and this may have made it harder for them to respect themselves. A Different Experience When someone finds it hard to stand their ground and to say no, it is going to be normal for them to do things that they don’t really want to do. They will be used to neglecting the most important person in their life – themselves. Therefore, even though they are an individual, it will be as if they are merely an extension of others. They will do whatever they can do make sure that they meet others people’s needs, whilst disregarding their own. Worn Down Someone like this may often find themselves around the wrong people, along with doing things that they would rather not do. This will have an effect on their mental and emotional health - it might even have a negative effect on their body. Behaving in this way is going to make it incredibly difficult for them to feel good about themselves. If only they could start saying no, it would give them the chance to gradually transform their life. An Automatic Reaction What they may find – if they were able to take a step back and to look into why they say yes without considering their own needs - is that behaving in this way is what feels comfortable. If they were to start saying no, they might end up being overwhelmed with fear. Ergo, saying yes all the time will have a negative effect on their life, but this will be seen as being the lesser of two evils. If they were to take an even deeper look into what is gong on within them, they may find that they fear they will be harmed and/or abandoned if they listen to their own needs. Way Back It might be hard for them to understand why they would feel this way, but, what this is likely to show is that it wasn’t safe for them to listen to their own needs during the beginning of their life. Perhaps this was a time when they had to pay attention to their caregivers needs. A role reversal would then have taken place, whereby they had to behave like a caregiver and their caregiver’s behaved like children. This would have stopped their developmental need from being met. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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