If someone focuses on other people’s needs and does what they can to make sure that they are taken care of, they can end up being seen as a ‘good’ or ‘selfless’ person. One can behave in this way when they are at work and when they are around their friends and family, for instance.
By behaving in this way, then, it is not going to be uncommon for them to receive positive feedback from others. Along with this, they are not going to spend much time looking after themselves. One Focus Ultimately, their attention is primarily going to be on other people, not themselves. If there are times when they do put themselves first, this will be something that very rarely takes place. But even if they do take care of their own needs from time to time, they could end up feeling extremely uncomfortable soon after. Taking care of their own needs is then not going to be something that feels good. The Right Thing to Do As a result of this, they could soon start to think about how they shouldn’t take care of their own needs and end focusing on others once again. And, as so many people are likely to provide them with positive feedback for behaving in this way, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Taking care of their own needs won’t feel right and taking care of other people’s needs will; therefore, being there for others and not themselves will be seen as the right thing for them to do. This could be how they have behaved for most, if not all, of their life. A Painful Existence However, while behaving in this way may be what typically feels comfortable, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they experience deep discomfort. Unlike the discomfort that they feel when they do take care of their needs, this discomfort will come down to the fact that they are ignoring themselves. By not paying attention to their own needs, they are likely to carry a lot of anger, resentment and frustration. This can always be there but by focusing on others, they might generally be able to keep it at bay. In Denial The pain that is inside them will be there to notify them that they are living life in the wrong way. Yet, due to the relationship that they have with their own needs, it won’t be possible for them to embrace how they feel. Thus, instead of embracing this pain and changing their behaviour, they will just have to deny how they really feel. This pain will be there to serve them but due to how they perceive their own needs, they won’t be able to listen to it. A Destructive Outlook Taking care of the needs of others and ignoring their own may appear to be the right thing to do, but this is an illusion. This doesn’t mean that one should only take care of their own needs and ignore other people’s needs. The sensible thing is for one to take care of their own needs and to be there for others; this way, one will have the energy that they need to truly be there for others. If they don’t live in this way, it will be normal for them to run on empty. An Important Thing To Realise If one was able to take a step back and to reflect on why they behave in this way, what they will probably find is that they believe that other people’s needs are more important than their own. Furthermore, they may find that they believe that they are worthless. Hiding their needs and being there for others can then be a way for them to avoid being rejected and abandoned. What this will show is that it is not that they are selfless; it is that neglecting themselves is seen as the only way for then to survive. What’s going on? If one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, it is likely to illustrate that they had to take care of their caregivers needs during their early years. Instead of receiving what they needed to be able to grow and develop, they would have had to act like a parent. They would have had to ignore their own needs and to be there for their caregivers. This would have caused them to believe that their needs were not important and that they had to ignore them in order to survive. Codependency Not receiving what they needed to receive would have left them in an undeveloped state and this is then why they don’t have a strong sense of themselves. If they did, their whole identity wouldn’t be based around them being there for others. They would be able to be there for themselves and they would be able to serve others. Along with this, they wouldn’t try to do things for others that they should do for themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist of a healer. The false-self that they show to the world will gradually need to be phased out so that their true-self can see the light of day. This will happen as long as they keep going and don’t give up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Critical Thinking: Is Humanity Traumatised So That They Will Accept Their Own Enslavement?19/9/2019
In recent years, a lot has been said about mental health and how so many people are not in a good way. Now, although some people are not in a good way due to something that they have personally been through, it could be said that there are others are not in a good way due to what the modern day world is like.
When it comes to the former, someone may have experienced a loss or been in a car accident, for instance. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, the stress of modern living and trying to adapt to a dysfunctional society may have messed them up, for instance. Both Ways However, although it would be easy to say that there are two categories, this wouldn’t be the complete truth. The reason for this is that even if something in ones personal life has affected them, their experience can still be influenced by what is taking place around them. For example, if someone has experienced loss and they live in a society that doesn’t embrace the grieving process, it can be a lot harder for them to go through this. Most of the people that they come into contact with could basically encourage them to ‘move on’ and to ‘be strong’, meaning that they will live in an environment that is invalidating and it could then take them longer to heal. Self-Sustaining With that aside, it could be said that society traumatises people in a number of different ways and the people that it has traumatised help to maintain this society. This doesn’t mean that the average person goes out of their way to traumatise others, though. Nonetheless, the way in which they behave can help to keep the society that does traumatise others in place. What this emphasises is how much power an individual has in the world, and while they might not be able to change the world, they can behave in a way and spread a message that does change the world. One Need When someone is in a traumatised state, their need to survive will be more important than any other need. What this means is that their so-called ‘higher’ needs will end up being overlooked. Being happy, joyful and free is not going on be on their mind; what will be on their mind is feeling safe and secure, having enough resources to exist and removing anything that will cause them to feel uncertain or experience doubt. The Norm Yet, although this is how someone can be if they are in a traumatised state, this is how so many people experience life. But as living in this way will have become so normal, most of these people probably won’t even realise that they are in a traumatised state. In this state, someone won’t be operating as a whole human being; they will be operating as a fractured human being. Still, someone like this can be the perfect obedient worker and they are unlikely to create any resistance either. Broken Down One is then going to be like a car that turns on but can only go about ten miles an hour; like this car, they won’t be functioning at full capacity. Or, instead of being an individual in their own right, they will just be a cog in another person’s wheel. Along with this, they can look towards the government to look after them and to protect them. Without a sense of safety and security inside them, due to being in a traumatised state, they will look towards an external source to provide this. Distracted When someone lives in this way, they are not exactly going to have a fulfilling life. They will have a life of routine, a job that is mind numbing and they are unlikely to care that their freedoms are being taken away. Someone like this will have been domesticated and, to top it off, they can be completely oblivious to the fact that the people in power are not willing to respect the fact that that they are a sovereign being. The trouble is that as one is in a traumatised state and has a strong need to be comfortable, not free, there is going to be no reason for them to notice what is taking place. Cui Bono An integrated human being - someone who can think critically, is capable of showing love and is not interested in controlling anyone – would want to do what they could to get another person, and society as a whole, out of a traumatised state. Nevertheless, if someone has no self and can only experience a sense of power by controlling others, the last thing that they are going to want is for another person to operate as a whole human being. With this in mind, what if the people behind the scenes, so to speak, are working overtime to keep humanity in a traumatised state? It would be easy to see this as a ‘conspiracy theory’ – a term that is often used to dismiss anything that goes against the official narrative, in order to try to stop people from becoming aware of what is actually going on – but the evidence is there if someone has an open mind. Nothing is Random So whether it is the terrorism that is designed to terrorise people even more, the other countries that are portrayed as threats or the fairly new threat of the world ending at any moment, it all serves the same purpose. All these things, as well as others, help to keep a large part of the population in a very low place. There is then no need for the people at the top to use weapons or to threaten anyone, as the people that are in a traumatised state will happily trade more freedom for security. Naturally, this is a lot easier and a lot smoother than using violence to make people do things. Conclusion The trauma that so many people have experienced in their present life may have gone on top of the trauma that was passed down to them from their ancestors. Thus, even if they hadn’t experienced anything traumatic, what their ancestors went through and were unable to deal with may have still made it hard for them to operate as whole human beings. Undoubtedly, humanity has been traumatised for hundreds and hundreds of years, and this trauma is what most likely needs to be dealt with in order for the world to truly change. It is unlikely that humanity as a whole will get together and work through their trauma, which is why this is about individuals healing themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Sense Of Safety: Do Some Peoples Childhoods Cause Them To Attach Their Sense Of Safety To Others?18/9/2019
When someone has a sense of safety, it will be possible for them to pay attention to what is taking place inside them and to utilise this information. In other words, one will be able to act like an individual.
Ultimately, they will feel comfortable being in their body and safe to exist, which will provide them with firm foundations. These foundations will give them a solid base – a base that will give them the support that they need to express who they are. In Balance This doesn’t mean that they will completely disregard other people’s needs; what it means is that they won’t do what they can to please them. As a result of how they experience life, this might not even be something that crosses their mind. Paying attention to their own needs is what will allow them to lead a fulfilling life, and this is going to be what is normal. Along with this, they probably won’t expect other people to please them either. How it Should Be If one wasn’t an individual who has their own needs, there would be no need for them to listen to themselves. The only thing that they would need to do would be to go along with what other people wanted. By being an extension of others, other people would know exactly what they need and what is right for them. One could then give themselves over to other people, having no need whatsoever to live their own life. Two Parts When someone lives like this, there is a strong chance that they will also value themselves. However, while this element will be important, it won’t be as important as having strong foundations. If a sense of safety relates to the foundations of a house, a sense of self worth could be seen as something that relates to the inside of the house. So, how it looks inside and how comfortable it is to live their. A key Part Without doubt, this part of the house is incredibly important; if this part of the house is not in a good way, it will be a challenge for someone to enjoy living in the house. Similarly, if one doesn’t feel good about themselves, it can be hard for them to appreciate the life that they have been given. Nonetheless, if the foundations of the house are not in place, there will be too much instability for someone to live the house. Likewise, if someone’s foundations are not in a good way, there can be so much chaos inside them that it can be more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves. Seven Wheels To bring the chakra system into this; their foundations will relate to the red chakra and their self-worth will relate to the yellow chakra. Their red Chakra is right at the bottom of their body, while the yellow charka is where their belly button is. Just like a house, the first one will need to be running properly or else the rest of them won’t be able to run properly. This might sound a bit woo-woo, but this information is there to aid one in their own development. A Different Reality With all this in mind, it is clear that someone is going to suffer if they don’t have a sense of safety. For someone like this, they can spend most of their life doing what they can to please others. This is going to mean that they will generally ignore their own needs, and they might not even realise that they are doing this. Perhaps they have been this way for most, if not all, of their life. The Reason Deep down, they can believe that pleasing others is the only way for them to survive. This will be a way for them to feel safe and secure and, if they don’t do this, they could end up being all at sea. What this is likely to show is that, in the place of a sense of safety and security, is a lot of trauma. Not only can all this pain be triggered if they don’t please others, but they can also feel as though they are going to die. A Closer Look Being in touch with themselves and expressing who they are should be what feels safe, yet for some reason, they only feel safe when they are pleasing others. It is as though their sense of safety has been externalised, with it being something that is in the hands of others. What this can illustrate is that their early years were a time when they were abused. This time in their life would have stopped them from being able to develop a sense of safety and it would have loaded them up with trauma. The Outcome Thus, instead of receiving what they needed to be able to develop a sense of safety, their whole being would have been traumatised. They would have learnt that the only way for them to feel safe was to please their caregivers. The people around them were then in control of whether or not they were able to feel safe. Many years will have passed since that time in their life, and they will no longer be a powerless and dependent child, but they will still believe that other people are in control of if they feel safe or not. Awareness It is then going to be essential for them to develop a sense of safety and to no longer place this in the hands of others. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Dealing with the trauma that is held inside them will be a big part of this. What can also help is for them to spend time in nature and to connect to the earth.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Does The Establishment Control People By Keeping Them In A State Of Ignorance?17/9/2019
In order for someone to find out about if something is true or not, it will most likely be vital for them to have access to a wide range of information. When this takes place, it will be possible for them to come to an accurate conclusion.
Simply having access to a lot of information won’t be adequate; the reason for this is that all this information could be the same. So by having access to a number of different sources, one will be able to filter through what is right and what isn’t. The power of Contrast Another way of looking at it would be to say that when one only has access to information that is in alignment with a certain outlook, it will be as though they are in the dark. Yet, by having access to many different viewpoints, it will be as if a light has been turned on. They will be able to run their mind over many different points of view and to come to their own conclusion. If they only had access to one point of view, it would be a lot harder for them to know whether or not it is accurate. The Best Approach With this in mind, if someone wants to understand what is taking place around them - or at least try to understand - it won’t be a good idea for them to only view one source of information. If they do this, they are going to be severely restricted. What will be a good idea will be for them view many different sources of information. There will be the mainstream media sources and then there will be the media sources that are not mainstream. Another Source As is typically the case in the political realm, the media often provides two perspectives. So a number of papers will have one view and a number of other papers will have another view. If, then, one takes a closer look at what the alternative media sources are coming out with, this will provide them with a number of other ways of looking at the world. One can then take all these views and come to their own conclusion about what is right and what isn’t. A Continual Process Now, this is not to say that one will form an opinion about something and that will be it, as their opinions can change as time goes by. In the same way that a car company will update a car as more technology is invented; one will update their views as and when they become aware information that refutes what they believe. Therefore, in the same way that one would need to regularly clean their sunglass to see what is going on around them; they will also need to regularly update what they believe to make sure that their views are accurate. The Same Structure At the same time, this doesn’t mean that one will need to continually change absolutely everything that they believe. Just as the chassis of a car can stay the same with only certain features changing each time a new version is released; one can have certain views that don’t change. There is then going to be a structure in their mind that rarely changes and this structure will help them to ascertain whether or not something is true or false. Still, there could come a time when they will learn about something that will completely disrupt this inner structure. The Modern Day World However, although having access to many different views is the key to finding out about what is true and what isn’t, there is a downside to this. The downside to this is that someone might actually grasp what is taking place in the world. This is something that will benefit them in a number of ways; what is wont do is benefit the people that are only interested in controlling them. These people can be described as the establishment, but it doesn’t really matter what they are called. The Key For these people to shape the destiny of the planet, the last thing that they want is for the people on the planet to be aware of what is actually going on around them and what has been going on. The only way that their plans can unfold is if the majority of people on the planet are kept in a state of ignorance. Before the internet was available, it was a lot easier for them to control what people could or couldn’t find out. It was then only going to be a matter of time before they started to control what could or couldn’t be found online. The Big Purge Certain videos and websites have simply been removed, while others have been removed under the guise of ‘hate speech’ or another term that they have created. By doing this, they can limit the information that is available; making it harder for people to accurately assess what is going on. Yet, by removing information from search engines and video platforms, for instance, there will be plenty of people who are not even aware of the fact that there are other ways of looking at the world. The version that the mainstream presents will just be seen as the truth; nothing more, nothing less. It’s Easy There is then going to be no reason for them to prove that what they are banning is actually hateful as they can just say that it is hateful and ban it before most people get the chance to take a deeper look or remove it with only a few people ever finding out about it. They are probably only too aware of what would happen if they didn’t control what people could or couldn’t see – the world would radically change. What also can’t be overlooked here is that, with the help of the education system – indoctrination system – so many people have been conditioned to see the world in a certain way. Having been taught what to think, not how to think, many of these people are not going to resist what is taking place. Conclusion It has been said that the only way that a problem can be fixed is if it becomes clear what the problem really is. Unless this takes place, it is likely that it will end up getting even worse as time goes by. Taking this into account, it could be said that one reason why the world doesn’t really change is because the establishment does everything it can to prevent the populace from understanding what is going. Through keeping so many of them in a place of ignorance, it stops the real issues from being dealt with.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk The Media: Is It Important For Someone To Be Sceptical When It Comes To The Mainstream Media?17/9/2019
If someone was to read a newspaper or to watch a news station, they might keep a mental distance (psychological distance) from what they are exposed to. Said another way, they won’t let what they hear to go straight into their mind.
Through being this way, they will be able to take a deeper look into what is being said. Naturally, it will take more effort and energy for them to do this, but it will be a way for them to protect own their mind. An important Ability What this is going to illustrate is that one is sceptical, not someone who will just go along with what they are told. Perhaps they have been this way for as long as they can remember or maybe they developed this ability in their later life. Nonetheless, having this ability doesn’t mean that they will never be fooled; after all, they are a fallible human being. Yet, although they will be fooled from time to time, this will be something that doesn’t take place as often as it would if they were not sceptical. One Agenda They might be only too aware of the fact that the mainstream media doesn’t exist to inform people about what is actually taking place in the world. Instead, it will be clear that this source exists to define how people see the world. This source will have a narrative and the narrative that it creates will be presented as the absolute truth. So, thanks to their ability to question what they are told as opposed to swallowing it wholesale, this will be something that stands out. Their Priority They may be used to being around people that are radically different, with these people buying into the accepted narrative. One most likely won’t be concerned about what these people think of them as they will be more concerned with finding out about what is true and what isn’t. There could be times when they share different ways of looking at something with these people, but when they do, it might soon be clear that this is a waste of time. Directing their energy into other pursuits is then going to be far more fruitful. Another Source What they may do, to get a more balanced view of what is taking place, is to look towards the alternative media. Once again, though, they may realise that it is important to question what they are exposed to. It might be clear that some of the sources that are available have been created to deceive those that are not willing to be deceived by the mainstream media. They might see a number of these sources as being ‘false opposition’. All bases Are Covered Therefore, whoever it is that is in control of what the mainstream media does or doesn’t say will also be responsible for what some of the alternative media sources come out with. Undoubtedly, if the establishment hadn’t created their own opposition, it would have been a massive oversight. One might see the mainstream media and the alternative media as being very similar to the left and right in politics - two sides controlled by the same hand. If they were not aware of this, they could have got out of one hole and fallen straight into another hole. A Different Experience Conversely, someone could read a newspaper or watch a news station and they could allow what they hear to go straight into their mind. Or if this doesn’t happen, it might only be because they are reading a paper that they don’t usually read or station that they don’t usually watch. They are then not going to have the need to take a deeper look into what they are told and to see if there is any truth to it. That is unless, of course, what they have been told goes against what another mainstream source has told them. No Effort Required As a result of this, ones views will have basically been given to them by the mainstream media. What they think is good or bad, or right or wrong will depend on what this source has told them is good or bad, or right or wrong. And even though they won’t have done their own research and come to their own conclusion, they might be happy to criticise anyone that has done their own research and come to their own conclusion. The mainstream media will have made out that there is only one way of looking at the world and they will have embodied this outlook. Blind Trust This source of information is then going to be like a parent and they will be like a child, meaning that they will go along with whatever they are told. The fact that this source might have a hidden agenda might not even enter their mind. Like a parent, it can be as if this source has their best interest at heart, taking away their need to think for themselves. This external authority will take care of everything for them, thereby allowing them to focus on other things. A Puppet Maybe someone like this is intellectually undeveloped or maybe they just don’t like thinking, who knows. But what is crystal clear is that someone like this is not going to be a threat to the system. Unknowingly, and like a sheep, they will be happy to go wherever they are directed to go. One way to describe someone like this would be to say that they are the perfect slave – someone who is totally oblivious to their servitude. Conclusion Controlling what information people are and are not exposed to can be seen as one of the many ways that the so-called few control the many. The people at the top take advantage of the blind trust that so many people put in the mainstream media and in recent years, the alternative media. Lastly, if someone can see that they have the tendency to believe what they are told and rarely detach from what they hear, and they want this to change, it will be important for them to develop this ability. One thing that can allow them to develop this ability is meditation.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Development: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Put People On A Pedestal?16/9/2019
Although someone might appreciate what another person does, it doesn’t mean that they will end up elevating them to a high position. One might realise that no matter what they can do, they are still a human being.
Therefore, this person might be able to do something that they themselves can’t do, but they are still no better than they are. Through having this outlook, one will be able to appreciate what they do but they won’t need to feel less-than the other person. The Outcome As a result of this, it will be possible for them to be themselves when they are around them and to even learn to do what this person can do. At the same time, whether or not they can learn the same thing can all depend on what it is. For example, if the other person is a top level athlete, it might not be possible for them to do the same thing. This is not because this person will be ‘special, it can be because one hasn’t got the same ability or perhaps they are simply too old to get to their level. Strong Foundations What this is likely to illustrate is that one feels relatively strong and capable, which is why they don’t have the tendency to see other people as gods or goddesses. So even if they can’t do what someone else can do, it won’t mean that they will be missing something. People like this are then not going to have access to special a power or strength that they themselves don’t have access to. Like these people, they will be in touch with the strength that is inside them. Self-Belief One may have an ability that they have develop over a number of years, or they could be developing something in particular. What can help here is that one might realise that even if someone else can do something very well, they would have still had to put the work in. Therefore, regardless of what their genetics are like, it would have taken many years of handwork and dedication to develop. Having this outlook will make it easier for them to keep going and to handle the setbacks that arise. The Norm Perhaps, one has been this way for as long as they can remember. If so, they may conclude that one of the reasons why they are like this is due to the messages that they received from their caregiver/s. During their early years, they may have been given a lot of support and encouragement. But before this took place, their developmental needs may have typically been met, which would have allowed them to develop a strong core. Another Scenario This is not how everyone will experience life, however, and this means that there are going to be people in the world that do put people on a pedestal. Someone like this is not just going to appreciate what another person can do; they will treat them as if they are some kind god or goddess. When they are around someone like this, they may find it hard to act like they usually do. It can be as though they are in the presence of someone who has come from another planet, making it hard for them to keep it together. One Area The person who they see as being above them might be a good singer or a top athlete, for stance. But even though they are highly developed in this area of their life, there could be plenty of other areas in their life where it is a very different story. With this is mind, there is going to be no reason for them to put this person on a pedestal; after all, they are simply another human being. One might not just elevate people like this, though; they could elevate most of the people in their life. Higher Up When it comes to their friends and even their partner, that’s if they have one, they could see these people as having something that they themselves don’t have. One will be an adult like these people, yet their experience on this earth is going to be very different. They can believe that other people are more powerful than they are and that they know far more than they do about just about everything. One can then allow the people in their life to define how they life their own life. Going Inside If someone like this as able to take a step back and to reflect on why they experience life in this way, what they may come to see is that they don’t feel strong and capable. In fact, one may find that they feel like a small child. One won’t have been aware of this but they will have seen certain people as parental figures. As a child they probably would have seen their parents as all-powerful, all-knowing beings, and this is how they will have perceived other adults. Emotionally Stuck Another way of looking at it would be to say that physically one will look like an adult, but they won’t feel like an adult. Their earlier years may then have been a time when they didn’t get the support and encouragement that they needed, and their developmental needs might not have been met either. If this was a time when they were neglected, they would have spent a lot of time feeling powerless, helpless and hopeless. The years would then have passed and, as they would have been out of touch with their inner strength, this inner strength would have been projected onto others. Awareness The antidote to this will be for one to embrace their inner strength and to do this they will most likely need to heal the trauma that is inside them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. What one is likely to find is that as they work through the layers of trauma inside them and gradually get in contact with their inner strength, they have less need to elevate others. One will be able to take back what they have been projecting onto others and to have a more balanced outlook.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A few days ago I came across a post that had been shared on a social media site that went into how ‘the world is increasingly designed to depress us’. This was something that had been written in a book and the page that this had been written on had been shared.
It went on to say that ‘happiness isn’t very good for the economy’ and that, ‘if we were happy with what we had, why would we need more?’ There are a number of other examples that are used, but they all centre around the same point: that the world is set up to make us feel bad. The Last Point On the last part of the page it says, ‘To be calm become a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.’ Now, on one level, it could be said that what has been said is right – the world doesn’t seem to be structured in a way that encourages people to be happy with who they are and what they have. There is always something else that they need to have and another reason why they can’t be happy. It’s clear Based on this, it is not going to be a surprise if someone is not happy and has the need to have more. There is a reason, and the reason is that people ‘out there’ are working overtime to keep them in miserable sate. One way of looking at it would be to say that one will be a victim and the people that are doing this are the perpetrators. To put an end up this dynamic, then, will require ‘the revolutionary act’ of one being comfortable with themselves. Going Deeper On another level, it could be said that although there are indeed forces out there that are ‘designed’ to do this, it doesn’t mean that we are merely passive victims. Ultimately, the only way that these forces can influence us is if we give them permission to do so. Thanks to the glorification of victimhood in today’s culture, it can be very easy for someone to buy into anything that paints them as a victim. When this takes place, they will give their power away to someone or something outside of themselves. Waking Up Feeling like a victim can allow one to feel angry and even self-righteous, and both of these things can allow them to feel good, but what this won’t do is allow them to take control of their life. The only way that this will happen is if one takes a look at what part they might (the word ‘might’ is used instead of ‘are’ as this can prevent their ego from dismissing what has been said) be playing in how they experience life. What is pretty certain is that they will need to be more discerning when it comes to what they focus on and how they spend their time. So in the same way that they are unlikely to just put anything into their mouth, they will need to be careful when it comes to what they put in front of their eyes and the company that they keep, amongst other things. Final Thoughts For example, if one watches a lot of TV and this is having a negative effect on their wellbeing, they can cut down or stop watching it altogether. A big part of this will be for one to live life that is deeply meaningful, as this can prevent them from getting caught up in the distractions and the dramas of the world. If one doesn’t take matters into their own hands and they wait until the world is perfect (whatever that means), thereby putting their life on hold in the process, they will be wasting the life that they have been given. One reason why one would waste their life is because they don’t value themselves. It will then be essential for them to work through what is preventing them from being able to embrace their inherent value. This won’t necessarily be easy but it will be worth it in the long run.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In order for a problem to be solved, two things need to take place. Firstly, it needs to be clear that there is a problem, and secondly, it needs to be clear what the problem actually is.
For example, ones car might not be running properly but, until they become aware of this absolutely nothing will happen. Once they have come to see that it is not running properly, they will be able to take it to a garage and it is here that they will find out what the problem is and fix it. A Very Different Story However, while it is relatively easy to realise that a car is not working properly and then to get it sorted, the same can’t be said if one was abused as a child and is not functioning properly as an adult. Not only might one not do anything about what they are going through; they might not even realise that something is not right. Due to how long their life has been this way for, this could just be seen as how life is. As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to realise that something is not right and then to reach out for support. Unable To See the Connection There is also the chance that one won’t even remember what their childhood was like, which will mean that they might not have the faintest idea as to why their life is the way it is. If they were to think back to their early years, they may find that their mind goes blank. What this is likely to show is that their mind has caused them to forget about what took place on purpose, as remembering what took place will be too much for them to handle. Their mind will be doing all it can to protect them from the horrors of their early years. It’s Still There Nonetheless, even if they have absolutely no idea about what took place when they were younger, it doesn’t mean that what took place won’t be affecting them to this day. A number of decades may have passed since that stage of their life but it won’t matter. And if they were to talk about how they experience life to someone who understands the effect that child abuse can have, it could become clear to this person what their childhood was like. Now, this is not to say that they will be able to describe every detail, but they could come close. Diving In So, if someone was abused as a child, what they are likely to find is that it is incredibly difficult for them to feel good about themselves. In addition to feeling very low, they may have an extremely critical voice in their head – a voice that talks to them like they are a piece of dirt. Moreover, their whole being can be loaded up with what is often called ‘toxic shame’. This is not so much a feeling as it is an inner experience – something that will have permeated their whole being. A Number of Ways Through having all this going on inside them, they are not going to expect other people to treat them well and being treated badly by others can be what feels comfortable. Looking after themselves is also likely to be an issue, with them having the inclination to neglect themselves. There are a number of ways that they can neglect themselves, from not eating properly, not getting enough sleep and not exercising. They could even harm themselves directly by cutting their body. The Reason Perhaps the main reason why one feels so low is because they would have believed that the reason they were treated badly was because there was something inherently wrong with them. As a child, they would have been egocentric, meaning that they would have taken everything personally. It was then not that there was something wrong with their caregiver/s or whoever it was that abused them; it was that there was something wrong with them. Therefore, although what took place had nothing to do with them and wasn’t ‘their fault’ (as the character played by Robin Williams says in the film Good Will Hunting), it would have been seen as having everything to do with them and being their fault. Another Consequence If they experienced physical abuse during this time, it could be a real challenge for them to stand their ground and to say ‘no’ when they need to. Being walked over - along with not getting the care that they needed to develop - would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and an inner sense of safety, security and trust. Furthermore, their whole being would have mostly likely been traumatised. The anxiety, fear and terror that they experienced will have stayed in their body and, whenever they get uncomfortable as an adult, all this trauma will back up to the surface. Two Other Things With all this arousal inside them, it is going to be incredible difficult for them to be emotionally stable and for their mind to be settled. There could be times when this pain is too overwhelming and they just want to end their life, too. Another reason why they would want to end their life can be due to the fact that as they feel so worthless, they can’t see the point in being alive. Yet, if they don’t want to end their life, they could feel depressed. Unbalanced This can be a sign that they are unable to see a way out and what can also play a part in this is that their early trauma would have messed up the brain in their head and their stomach, disrupting their bran chemicals in the process. The chemicals that would allow them to keep their pain at bay, for instance, might not be produced in the right amounts. If they were, it would be a lot easier for them to handle their emotions and to feel good and at ease. With this in mind, merely focusing on the mind is not the answer if one wants to heal from child abuse. Awareness If one can relate to any of these symptoms, and they want to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. There will be the work that needs to be done on their mind and the work that needs to be done on their body. Ultimately, what took place wasn’t their fault and they deserve to live a life that is worth living.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to reach out to a therapist if they have inner problems. This can be seen as a good thing as it is far better for someone to ask for help than it is for them to suffer in silence.
If they have a relatively minor problem, they may find that they only need a few sessions. Then again, if this is not the case, they may need to have a number of month’s worth of sessions. A Few Examples One may have come to see that their anxiety levels are out of control and that they even have panic attacks. Alternatively, they may have noticed that they still feel sad even though another person has passed on quite some time ago. No matter what they came to see, reaching out for professional assistance would have been the sensible thing to do. When it comes to the people in their life, they might not be equipped to deal with what they are going through. Another Experience Conversely, someone could reach out to a therapist not only because they have inner problems but because they have no one around them. They are then not going to be in a good way, yet there won’t be anyone in their life that can be there for them. As a result of this, their time in therapy can be a time when they will be resolving their inner problems and learning how to develop deeper connections with others. If the second part doesn’t happen, they can end up staying in therapy for a lot longer than they would otherwise. The Real Reason Another thing that could take place is that one could have inner problems and they could have people in their life. Nonetheless, even though they do have people around them, they might not be able to fully show up around them. Therefore, due to the needs that they are unable to meet in their everyday life, they will look towards their therapist to meet them. Or, if one doesn’t look toward a therapist to fulfil these needs, they could look towards a healer, life coach, tarot reader or a psychic, for instance. A Closer Look When it comes to what these needs are, they could relate to needs that are essential to their wellbeing. So when they are in the company of someone like this, one could feel: heard, seen, accepted, important, valuable and safe. And due to how good they feel when they are in their presence, they might not want their time with this person to end. Once it does, they could soon be thinking about when they will spend time with them again. A Big Impact Thanks to how good they feel when they are in their presence, one might not actually want to move forward. This is not to say that this is what will be going on in their mind but, deep down, this could be the last thing that they want. A number of very important needs will be met and there will be no reason for them to stop seeing this person. The downside to this is that this will stop them from being able to grow and to form deep and authentic relationships with others. A High Price to Pay Their relationships in the real world won’t change and they will basically be dependent on this person. And, even if they don’t pay this person much money, it is still going to be money they can’t use anywhere else or put to one side. If the therapist, or whoever else it is, becomes aware of what is going on, they should bring up what is going on, look into what is going on and encourage one to form deeper relationships with others. This will show that although they might enjoy working with them, they don’t want them to stop them from moving forward and becoming self-reliant. A Different Direction Clearly, unless the therapist and/or the client are aware of what is going on, it is unlikely that anything will change. Once this does become clear, it will be possible for something to be done about it. During this time, one can look into why they don’t feel comfortable forming deeper relationships with others. Exploring this area and facing what comes up can then allow them to gradually reveal who they are and to connect to others. No Judgement Still, this is not a time when one needs to lay into themselves for being dependent on someone else and not revealing who they are to others. They may find that they end up experiencing shame when they think about what is going on. This can show that they are carrying a lot of toxic shame, and this shame can be the main reason why they don’t feel safe enough to open up to others. Deep down, they can believe that they would be rejected and abandoned if they revealed their true-self to these people. Awareness Ultimately, there will be a reason why one has only opened up to one person for so long and this is something that they can acknowledge. By becoming aware of what has caused them to behave in this way and bring it to the light, their life will be able to change.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I was looking through a newspaper the other day and one thing that caught my eye was an article about the opioid crises. In this article, addiction specialist Dr Robert Lefever, spoke about how so many people are hooked on drugs that are designed to take pain away.
When this happens, someone will end up taking them for years instead of a matter of days or weeks. He didn’t blame the drugs companies, though; he pointed the finger at the doctors that are happy to keep prescribing them. A Powerful Figure In the western world, a doctor is often perceived as an all-powerful, all-knowing figure. Therefore, if a doctor tells someone to do something, it is unlikely that they will question what they are being told. The fact that is has come out of this persons mouth can be seen as a sign that it is the right thing to do. Thus, if someone is in a bad way and a doctor prescribes then more pills, pills that are designed to take their pain away, why would they bat an eyelid? Another Part When it comes to drugs or even healing modalities, the placebo effect is often spoken about. Quite simply, this relates to the effect that one’s mind has when it comes to the impact that a drug or healing modality has on them. In other words, what they take or what is done to them is not the only factor involved in the healing process. The way that their mind perceives what they are given or what is done will also play a part in how effective something is. The Connection So due to how one perceives their doctor, this person can also play a part in what effect something will have on them. Someone can then find that they feel better simply for being in their presence. And, if this person was to give them a load of sugar pills but told one that they were powerful pain killers, they might find that they feel better after they have taken them for a while. It could be said that the placebo effect is always at work and this is because the mind can’t be cast aside. A Number of Solutions This doctor didn’t just talk about on what is not right or say that doctors need to change their approach, he also spoke about a number of other options that should be offered instead. There was acupuncture, transcutaneous nerve stimulation (TNS), and Reiki. I was familiar with the first thing, hadn’t heard of the second thing, and had experienced the benefits of the last thing. From my own experience, I can say that Reiki can be used to take pain away and to heal the body. A Real Example A little while ago, I had a minor operation and once the anaesthetic wore off, I experienced a fair amount of pain. Fortunately, I had learnt Reiki healing many, many years ago and was able to use this healing technique on myself. I placed my hands on the area where I felt pain and my hands soon felt incredibly warm. I did this for about half an hour and from that moment onwards, the pain was not as strong as it once was. It’s not a Magic Wand I continued to use Reiki on this area for a number of days and for the same amount of time each time, which caused the pain to diminish even more. It was then not that I did it once and then everything was fine – I was consistent with it. In the same way that a pill needs to be taken on a regular basis to work, Reiki healing also needs to be experienced on a regular basis to have a big impact. That is, of course, unless it doesn’t, and one or a few sessions is enough. Final Thoughts After reading this you may believe that Reiki healing can assist you and be open to giving it a go or you may be sceptical. If you are sceptical, I can relate to what you are experiencing as I can also be very sceptical. However, the best thing may be for you to give it a go and to see what happens. If you are in pain, and this pain has been with you for a while, it must surely be worth a go?
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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