When it comes to how someone behaves and sees themselves for instance, childhood development is often cited as a primary factor. This will include how ones father and mother treated them during their formative years as a child and a baby and even ones time in the womb. And while the relationship one had with their mother and father does play a significant role in their life, what is often overlooked is the relationship one had with their sibling/s when they were growing up. Their impact often goes unnoticed and is overshadowed by ones caregivers. And this is understandable due to how powerful they presence can be in one’s life. But through placing ones focus entirely on them, ones awareness can end up being limited and seeing the whole picture will be difficult. Square Pegs In Round Holes So one can look for answers in their past and reflect on how their parents treated them and struggle to find out what happened. And while this could be the result of them having a faint memory and needing to gradually connect to their past, it could also be a consequence of them looking in the wrong places. Through reading certain books and their mind coming to the conclusion that is all about how their caregivers treated them, they can then be blind to other sources. It is then a bit like trying to fit square pegs in round holes. The intention is there and the commitment could also be there and yet no matter how hard one looks, the answers will not be found. It may mean that one will end up projecting things on to their caregivers that they were not actually responsible for. And even though they can’t be found there, the mind will still see them there and will filter out anything that goes against this position. Focus Perhaps if there was more of a focus on siblings and the affects they have on each other, then it would be more natural to question the roles that they played in shaping who one is. However, while it is easy to see all of this in isolation, caregivers and siblings are all part of the family system and each influence each other. No one was their own island in their family of origin and they were constantly influencing the people around them and being influenced by them. So while one can feel powerless and believe that they had no choice, their behaviour was also shaping how others responded to them. Birth Order One of the biggest factors when it comes to siblings is the order that they were born. If one was the child who was born first, their caregivers would generally have treated them in ways that were different to the second or third born for example. The child that is born first is often expected to achieve more and as a result shows greater levels of intelligence and can demonstrate a greater tendency to act responsibly. When one is the second born, they are not as likely to feel the pressure that the first child felt and while this could lead lower intelligence and chances of success; it could also mean they have greater freedom to pursue their own wants and needs and in their own time. There are many other dynamics that can take place and therefore many other consequences. It will all depend on what order one was born and what took place as a result. Family Roles So through one being the first, second or third born, they would have been likely to have seen their sibling/s in a certain way and they would have seen one in a certain way. And the ways that one behaved would have been what felt safe in the family system. There wouldn’t have necessarily been any thought of if this role would be in their best interests; what would take precedence is ones survival. At the time it would have lead to one being able to handle this early environment. But as an adult, it might be holding one back from living their truth. Question One could ask themselves ‘does how others treat me or how I treat others, reflect how it was with my sibling/s when I was younger?' And some of these interactions may have been healthy and empowering and then there will be others that were limiting and disempowering. Projection How ones brother or sister treated them can be how one expects other men and women to respond to them. And if these are ways that honour who one is, there is not going to be too many problems; if they are not, then something will need to be changed within. These ways of behaving could also cause one to disempower and limit others. Although ones way of seeing men or women may be familiar and feel comfortable, it could lead to them stopping the people they are close to from growing. Familiar These roles that one plays in relation to men or women and how they see themselves, as a result of how their sibling/s treated them, can stop one from being present and acting consciously. And yet to the ego mind this is what is familiar and therefore what is being interpreted as safe. So even though one’s life might not be uplifted by these roles that one is playing, the ego mind is still holding onto what took place all those years ago. And should one act in a way that is different, they will soon be met with a myriad of different emotions. Or one might not even go this far and just end up feeling stuck and unable to be who they want to be. Awareness One of the most important things will be to question who one thinks they are and why they feel they have to act in the ways they do. And if one is acting how they want, this won’t be a problem; but if they are not, then change will be necessary. It might be enough to change how one thinks and how they behaviour. And for others, it might be a case of releasing trapped feelings and emotions from these early years.
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In recent history, the general attitude towards sex has changed and it has almost gone from one extreme to the other. So a more liberal approach has appeared and this is often how life works. This can be seen at a more personal level and further out, to include what is happening in the world. Here, one can stop themselves from engaging in something and after a short time, go to the other extreme. This can occur over a period of weeks, months or even years in one’s personal life for instance. And when it applies to a socially supported behaviour, it can require many generations to alter. One can be brought into a family that allows certain things and disallows others and the same goes for the society that they live in. it is then fairly inevitable that some parts of their nature will be expressed and others that are repressed. A brief look at human history will show that this has more or less always happened and still happenes to this day. And what was denied at one point in time will often be embraced in another. Purpose There was a time when sex was seen by many as something people did when they were married and not before; and this was very much influenced by religion. It took place when people wanted children and there was no other purpose for it. This naturally created a lot of shame and guilt around sex and removed a lot of pleasure from it in the process. During the 60’s, the hippie movement really shook everything up in regards to relationships and sex. It is often said that this was the time when sex become more than an act one simply engaged in to have children. Liberation So, many people were liberated around this time and were able to enjoy sex and to really embrace the fact that its purpose consists of more than just having children. A lot of repression no longer had to take place and peoples wellbeing increased as a result. And not just because they were having more sex, but due to them no longer having to deny their body’s natural urges. To deny what the body needs is going to create more problems; frustration and a sense of being disconnected can arise. Repression is not healthy long term solution. The Modern Day From this point onwards, the purpose of sex has generally changed. And one consequence of that is that sex has lost a lot of its meaning. For some people it is still seen as sacred and something that must be respected. And for others, it is simply another way to feel good. Although sex has a biological element to it, it can also have an emotional reason as well. And like any other form of escape that one can engage in; sex can end up being used for the same purpose. So while the carefree approach towards sex in today’s world can be seen as sign of growth and individual freedom, it is also a consequence of people having emotional challenges. Regulation One’s body and another person’s body, then becomes another way for one to regulate their own emotions. And when this emotional pain gets really bad, it can cause ones sexual drive to rise. This could be interpreted to mean that one has a high sex drive, when in reality; it is simply a conditioned reflex to cover up how they are truly feeling. And as emotions are generally ignored and not dealt with in today’s world, it is not much of surprise to see that so much of what is seen in society has become sexualized in one way or another. When one is in pain, their attention is often brought down to this area of their body and their mind or heart could end up being overlooked. One is then no longer a whole human being; they are fractured. Being Human To be human means that emotions are part of life and that means everyone experiences the so called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ emotions. When they are avoided, they can build up and cause one to act in ways that are impulsive and compulsive; one is then enslaved to them. So if one was to have sex to regulate how they feel on the odd occasion or during a time in their life that was extremely challenging for example, the consequences may well be minimal. If one has had a hard day at work or something similar and has sex with their partner to de-stress, it would be classed as normal and healthy. On the other hand, if one has become what is described as a ‘sex addict’ or constantly has sex to avoid how they are feeling, then some kind of assistance may be required. Awareness This could be pain that has come about through a loss in one’s life or through what has been trapped in one’s body since they were younger. And while time has passed, their body is still holding on to the original pain. Sex is allowing one to gain short term relief, but what it is not doing is dealing with the pain. Perhaps one has managed to stop this from affecting other areas of their life, or it could be harming all areas. One could seek the assistance of a therapist of healer to release their trapped feeling and emotions. Here, one will get in touch with them and gradually release them.
One of the common challenges in relationships and a challenge that has existed throughout time is that of control. This can be something that is fairly subtle and anything but overwhelming. And then it can be so extreme, that one’s whole life is taken over by another person’s control. So there is going to be different degrees to control and therefore different consequences. But no matter what kind of control it is, there is going to be resistance to it and one is unlikely to just accept it. For some people, this is going to be a problem that colours every relationship in their life and cause them to feel trapped and almost as if they can’t breathe without someone getting in their way. And even if it is something that happens from time to time, it can still be a problem for someone. No Choice When this control is taking place, one is unlikely to see it as something that they actually want to experience. If one was to say that they did enjoy being controlled, it would come across as dysfunctional and unhealthy. This can cause them to see themselves as victims and that they have no choice in what is occurring. And yet if one is in a relationship that is based on control, one is unlikely to come to the conclusion that they are getting anything from it. One Sided It can seem completely one sided; with the other person getting their needs and wants met. The other person is then seen as taking away one’s life and making it hard for one to live their life. That’s if the control is so bad that one can hardly function without the other getting involved. To be in this situation is going to warrant that kind of outlook and one is going to be validated by others who will see this dynamic at work. One can feel like a puppet whose strings are being pulled by another or others; with them having no sense of autonomy. One can end up feeling incredibly hopeless and powerless through being in this type of relationship. And yet that doesn’t mean that they will want to leave either. It can seem a lot harder to leave that it can to stay. As the saying goes ’better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t. Relationships There is going to be all kinds of relationship where control can appear; with intimate relationships often being the most influential. It can also be found with: friends, family and colleagues amongst others. If one is in a relationship with someone and also living with them, then this is going to be a massive challenge. And if one is reliant on a family member for something and they are controlling, the same challenge is going to be experienced. Two Experiences So if one were to be in a relationship with someone who is controlling and soon leaves after this behaviour becomes evident or makes it known that they wouldn’t put up with it; then it is clear that control is not something that works on them. And then there will be other people who don’t have the same approach and when control appears, it causes this person who move closer and not further away. They might speak up or they might not, but their actions show that control is acceptable to them. Because while it is natural for them to feel that they are being victimised and that they have no choice, they are doing something different to people who are not being controlled. It is not simply a random occurrence or that one has no choice in the matter. Conflict What is going on in this persons mind is not being supported by what is going on in their body. Intellectually they may know that the person they are with is no good for them or that they should leave for instance, but at an emotional level the outlook is different. While ones intellect can be extremely evolved and well developed, emotionally one can be undeveloped and feel as they did as a child or baby. And as emotions have far more control over how one behaves than what is going on intellectual, this can lead to problems. This is why it is not just people who seem unintelligent who can be controlled, but people with the highest qualifications the world can offer. One’s mind may have been developed, but their emotional body could have been completely neglected. The Body So the mind can wonder what is going on and why one is around someone who is controlling and yet their body has its own set of reasons. And these reasons can relate to ones very survival. It is then a form of dependency and consciously one may well feel controlled, but under that there are many benefits and these are not always conscious. Here, one can feel: supported, comfortable, loved and accepted. And this enables one to feel safe and that they are in familiar territory so to speak. Years will have gone by since one was a child and yet this dynamic can mirror ones early beginnings. So their mind has been educated since then, but their emotional body has stayed the same. Childhood During this time, one could have had a caregiver that didn’t show love and affection, what they did show was: control, conditional love or even abuse. So although these experiences were not healthy and functional; they become known as familiar and therefore safe to the ego mind. And ones emotional development would also have been stunted through this kind of care giving. So as one was not allowed to emotionally grow up and realise their inner strength and sense of empowerment; they became emotionally stuck at this age. Awareness Emotionally one can still see others as their caregivers and see themselves as children. And if one is like this emotionally, it is not much of a surprise that they are attracted to controlling people or can’t leave a controlling relationship. One way of moving beyond this challenge is to emotionally grow up. And this can be done through releasing the trapped emotions and feelings that are in one’s body. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them. This will enable one to realise their adult strength and to no longer feel comfortable with being controlled.
When it comes to ideas on how to act and in what one should or shouldn’t wear, celebrities play a pivotal role. And this applies to both men and women; neither gender is exempt from their influence. Their influence will be stronger for some people than it is for others and this can depend on how strong ones sense of self is. So if one has a fairly strong idea about who they and what they stand for, they might not be influenced as much as someone who hasn’t. If ones sense of self is not as strong, due one not being too clear about who they and what they stand for, there will be more of a tendency to look to others for guidance. Discernment The first person will still take in information and be inspired and influenced by others, but it is likely they will be far more discerning in what they let in and later come to mimic. And this is vital, because celebrities are simply human and are therefore not perfect. There will be some who are healthy and more functional role models than others and this is why it is imperative that one does have the ability to question what they choose to identify with and what they don’t. When one doesn’t have this discernment, it will be normal to embody whatever a celebrity is doing or saying. There will be no thought as to whether this will be a healthy thing to do or if the consequences will be life enhancing or merely lead to problems further down the line. And cause one to become alienated not only from others, but also from themselves. The Youth This is why the younger generation are so vulnerable to what celebrities are or are not doing. Their idea about who they are is still growing and developing and it is natural for them to look to others to assist in the formation of their own identity. However, just because someone is no longer in the formative years of their life, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a strong sense of themselves. Responsibility The onus is often on the people in the public eye to behave in the right ways and as they are in the spotlight and examples to so many people, this makes sense. What creates problems is the fact that some of these celebrities do not think about the potential consequences of their actions. This can be due to celebrities being where they are because of something that other people like and not because they have proved how moral they are or how much integrity they have. Or how mentally and emotionally healthy and together they are. So being self centred, unaware and cut off from the consequences of their actions can be the norm. And as they can have so much influence and power over so many people’s life, they carry enormous responsibility. If this is used in the right way it can be extremely beneficial to what could amount to a few people, to even as many as a few million. But when this is not used in the right way, it can lead to all kinds of damage and this could last for many, many years. And no matter what parents or respected authority figures say, it is then too late. Messages There is not going to be a set message that every female celebrity has and yet there will be certain patterns that appear over and over again. And some of these will be healthy and functional and some of them won’t be. When their focus is on gaining attention in order to increase their exposure or to sell something, what they are communicating to the world is not always thought about in terms of what the consequences could be. Their intention and the intention of the people around them will be to increase the amount of money they can make. The fact that their behaviour could cause lot of damage is often overlooked as a result of short sighted gain. Objectification For years, certain women and men have been fighting the objectification of women and this work has been partly disrupted through female celebrities who objectify their own bodies. It is clear that their focus is on what it can do for them and not on what message it is giving to other females. Women are being taught that their primary source of value is their body and that in order to gain attention from men and women and to be worthy in life, they need to wear very little. A woman can then come to see her body as something she must use to manipulate other people and not as something that is sacred and should be treated with love and respect. What is known as healthy shame, the shame that causes one to cover up at the right times for example, is being eradicated. Two Sides There are naturally two sides to this: on one side is what it says about the celebrities who are acting in these ways and about the kind of females who are pulled in by this behaviour. Both are playing a part in this dynamic and yet as these females are in the public eye, it is to be expected that they will be held responsible. Emotional Development The desire to be famous often comes down to someone’s own lack of emotional development. And by being famous, one believes that they will feel a certain way and a way that will allow them to feel good about themselves and to be loved for instance. For some people, fame is something that happens as a by-product of being good at something. So it is possible for anyone to be famous and it will not depend on how emotionally developed they are. Other people are then used as a way to regulate how a celebrity feels. These can be emotional needs that go back to when one was a child or baby and are therefore insatiable. However, they can no longer be truly fulfilled by another, they need to be grieved and released. A Reflection And when some people look up to these role models who are far from healthy and functional, it can be the result of identification. So one connects to them and is able to feel a certain way themselves. These celebrities then reflect what is going for people in society at an emotional level; they are then two sides of the same coin. The difference is that some people are on a stage and the majority of people are in the audience so to speak. It then seems normal and how people are supposed to act. There are many consequences of emotional underdevelopment and the objectification of one’s body is just one example.
When one experiences some kind of physical pain or tension it can be normal to just see it as the body reacting to something and that some kind of external solution is needed to deal with the pain. And this is a natural consequence of seeing the body as separate from the mind and something that often acts in strange and unexpected ways. Ways that will be forever out of one’s intellectual grasp and that the pain just needs to be removed or numbed and then everything will generally be back to normal. Options There is all kind of options available now to remove this pain; from tablets, to patches, drinks and certain kinds of exercise for instance, as well as many other things. Sometimes these methods will last for a short time and at others they will last even longer. Perhaps one could remove their pain completely through doing this; it can all depend on many factors. It could also be possible to remove one kind of pain and as time goes on, another kind will appear somewhere else; this time it could be a lot stronger and no longer be removed through the usual means. Avoidance And as it is human nature to avoid pain and to seek pleasure, it is not much of a surprise to see this approach in the western world. In other societies, in the east for instance, a different approach is often taken. So as soon as the physical pain appears, one will do all they can to put it to an end. One then returns to their normal level of comfort or even feels slightly better. This then enables them, in most cases, to return to their life without the body’s discomfort. Health Care When one goes to their doctor or to a pharmacy to seek assistance for their physical pain, they are not necessarily going to be asked what else is going on for them. The pain is typically going to be seen in isolation and not as a part of something more. So the experience one has had at an emotional level up until this point will not be looked into; it will generally be overlooked. One might be asked what they have been doing physically or what they have eaten recently, but very little else. The perspective that the body is separate from the mind and therefore acts however it wants is supported by just about every area of the western world. In recent years, genetics has taken over as being the reason why the body does the things that it does. Powerless There is then the kinds of thing what someone has eaten or if they have done something that was physically strenuous for example and then there is the genetic component, but other than that, there is very little else. So it would be normal and even expected for one to end up feeling powerless and that they have no control over their body. One is then nothing more than an observer of their body and what it does or does not do. And when one lives in their head and is cut off from their body, there is not much chance of another point of view. Of course one could read about their body being as much as who they are their mind, but this is merely an intellectual understanding. Emotional Disconnection When someone has a friend that causes them too much pain or when there is a certain place that causes painful memories, it is common to no longer see this person or to go to the place. This is done to protect oneself from the pain and as this person and place is not part of oneself; they can be cut out of one’s life. The same approach can be utilized when it comes to emotional pain. Here, one becomes cut off from their body as a way to avoid pain. But while people or places can be removed from one’s life, the body cannot be. This will always be there, regardless of whether one has removed their awareness from it. To the mind, this emotional pain could no longer be there, just like the friend who one doesn’t see or the place one no longer goes to. So the mind can live in this delusion and yet the body is still carrying these emotions and feelings. Trapped Emotions These could have built up from what has happened during ones adult years and what took place when they were a child and a baby. Over the years they can become pushed into ones vital organs, muscles and bones and while one might no longer be in touch with them, they will appear in other ways. And one way they can show up is through one experiencing some kind of physical pain or tension. Through one being cut off from their emotions and feelings for so long, when this does start showing up as pain it can be confusing. This is partly due to the time delay and the fact that it can take a while for emotional pain to change into physical pain. Triggers So one could experience something or even eat something, and these trapped emotions and feelings will be triggered once more and physical pain will ensue. This is because the body wants to release these emotions and feelings to restore inner balance and harmony. However, if one is taking tablets or something similar to remove the pain, they are also missing out on what the body is trying to communicate. And this information can be far more profound than the fact the body is in pain. Areas Of The Body And different areas of the body can carry different feelings and emotions. The chest can relate to the following feelings: rejection, abandonment, grief, betrayal, emptiness and hopelessness. And in the stomach area it can be to do with: fear, powerlessness, control, shame, guilt and feelings to do with survival. These are just some areas and there are others that can carry different feelings and emotions. And what is going on within these vital organs can define how ones legs and arms feel; such as feeling cold. Having this emotional build up creates strain on ones organs and this can impact the body’s equilibrium. Awareness Trapped emotions and feelings can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them. And as this happens, ones physical pain can begin to disappear.
Although everyone has their own truth on this planet, it doesn’t mean that each one of them finds it easy to express their truth. And this includes what one says to others and what one says to themselves. There will be things that one needs to say to another or others and there will also be certain things that one needs to listen to from within. So it is a two way process and while other people can stop one from speaking their truth, one can also ignore their own inner truth; the repression can then work both ways. And it is often said that while other people won’t always listen to what one has to say, it doesn’t mean that one has to copy this approach and ignore themselves. Outer Truth This outer truth can all depend on what the situation is. It doesn’t necessarily relate to one having some kind of divine truth to express. What it could be is something far more mundane and appropriate to what is taking place. Perhaps one feels threatened or compromised in some way and needs to speak up. Or one could want to ask another a question or to approach someone, but for some reason they hold back and end up going against this need or want. Creativity is another aspect of one’s truth and this could include acting, singing or some kind of speaking; such as public speaking for instance. The desire to engage in one or all of these activities could be there and yet one avoids taking part in them. Inner Truth On the inside this can relate to ones thoughts feelings, emotions and sensations. And their wants, needs and desires are also part of this. It can be easy to ignore some of these things or to ignore almost all of them. This could be something that one is aware of doing or what they do without any kind of awareness. They then simply have no recollection of what they are or are not paying attention to. Here, one could end up feeling down, empty, low or that something is missing and all because they are not listening to what their body is telling them. This is naturally leading to different challenges and primarily to a sense of being disconnected from oneself. The Reflection And when one doesn’t listen to what is going on internally, it often leads to people following the same pattern externally. So the external world mirrors the inner approach that one has and can end up enforcing it. Making one believe that if no one else listens to them, then why they should listen to themselves. However, if one did listen to themselves, other people would be more likely to respond to them. Not every one of course, but other people would pick up on their own inner certainty and respond accordingly. The Other Extreme While some people can cover up and not express their truth, there can be other people who go to the other extreme. This person will show no restraint in speaking up for themselves and it won’t matter if it is safe or appropriate, they will just vocalise what it going on for them. Whereas the person on the other side of the spectrum may have a weak voice or talk quietly, this person could have a strong voice and talk loudly. They act as if they have no connection to their environment or any kind of feedback mechanism and can come across as overwhelming or even obnoxious. Physical Symptoms The area of the throat as where one can feel the need to communicate and so when there is a block, it can lead to different problems in ones throat. And so when one doesn’t speak up or listen to themselves, tension can arise here. In the short term it could be mild and become far more significant if this was to become a common occurrence in someone’s life. This could appear in the form of a sore throat or one losing their voice for instance. What Happened? For someone to fear speaking their truth or going to the other extreme and not knowing when to keep quiet and when to speak up, something has ended up being out of alignment. The inner balance has been thrown out and one is caught between the two extremes. It will also be possible for one to switch between the two styles. So during some situations they could deny their truth and in others, they could go to the other extreme and express it without any thought of the consequences. And one could express their truth without any thought in one situation and practically lose their voice in another. There could have been a moment or moments in their adult life or during their childhood years that created this challenge. During this time, one would have come to see that is wasn’t safe to have a voice. And although times have changed, this association still exists and one continues to create the same reality or to interpret reality in the same way. The actors might have changed, but the story is still the same. Examples This could include all kinds of different scenarios that were repeated consistently, to something that only occurred once, but was extremely traumatic nevertheless. One could have been brought up by a caregiver that was verbally abusive and critical and stopped one from ever speaking up. It was then safer to swallow ones truth and not to let anyone know about it. To have a caregiver that was emotionally unavailable could cause one to think their needs or wants are not important and so one doesn’t mention them to anyone. If one had a caregiver that was self consumed, they probably wouldn’t have had any time or interest in others and so one ended up feeling invisible and that their voice didn’t matter. And when it came to one being creative, ones caregivers could have been extremely critical and demeaning; so one came to associate creativity with rejection, humiliation and shame. As one was not heard by others, they can internalise this approach and end up denying their own truth. Or one could end up fearing what they will find and so continue to cover up what is going on within. Awareness So the ego mind can still hold onto the past and cause one to feel unsafe when it comes to embracing their truth. And the feelings and emotions that were experience during these early years could have ended up being trapped in one’s body; simply because it wasn’t safe to express them. The mind might have moved from those years, but the body is still living there due to these trapped feelings and emotions. To release them one can seek the assistance of a therapist of a healer. Here, one can gradually start to feel safer when it comes to expressing their truth and to know when it is the right time to do so; as well as listening to what is going on within them.
No matter what defence mechanism is being utilised, they all have the same purpose. And that is to stop one from being overwhelmed by what they are experiencing. They are used when the pain that is arising is too much for someone to handle. And as pain is part of life and therefore can’t be avoided, they are always going to be times when it is necessary to use a defence mechanism or a number of them, in order to survive the challenges of life. If a defence mechanism is used and one is not aware of it, it can result in one avoiding responsibility; either in a specific situation or as a way of life. There are some that are classed as more functional than others and there will be moments when using them will lead to even more problems. So they have a time and a place and to use them during certain moments could start to create problems in ones life. So justification is no different to any other defence mechanism and when it is used during certain occasions it is unlikely to create too much trouble for someone. What will be the key factor is how one applies justification. As when justification is used, it typically relates to a situation where some kind of moral standpoint is being taken and whether something is right or wrong. And there all kinds of examples of how justification is used in everyday life and by people in the public eye. Entitlement One of the common challenges in today’s world is the so called ‘entitlement mentality’. Here, one can expect things simply for being alive and for existing. It is not a case of them having to earn what they want or to put any effort into achieving anything. And while certain societies have adapted to this outlook and therefore support it, there is only so much they can do. So when it comes to someone not having what they want, due to society not giving it them for instance, one approach is for someone to steal what they want. One could then be charged or found out and say that what they did was right because they had no other way of getting it. The behaviour then becomes justified in their eyes. Cheating While most people would say that cheating in a relationship is wrong, it doesn’t mean that it will stop them from doing it. To have this outlook at an intellectual level it is one thing, but if one is not emotionally stable for example, right and wrong can go out of the window. This means that when someone does cheat and they knew it was wrong to begin with, guilt and shame is likely to appear and this guilt or shame will need to be dealt with someone. If one takes responsibility for it, then justification might not be used. But if responsibility is not taken, ones inner angst could be dealt with by justifying the behaviour. And this process could become so natural and habitual that the inner pain could soon become disconnected and unknown to the person who cheats. As soon as it arises, a kind of conditioned reflex takes over to cut out the pain. Perhaps one could say that the person they went with didn’t mean anything or that their partner cheated to, so that makes it fair. Or that their partner has not been attentive enough and so they had to get the attention from somewhere. Animals If one were to see a dog or cat in a vehicle during a hot day and suffering as a result, one approach would be to break into the car and let the dog out to cool down. Under normal circumstances this would be wrong as one would be going onto another’s personal property. And yet their behaviour could be justified in this context as they were making sure the animal didn’t die in the car. Of course some people could still say this was wrong and reject the view that is was justified. Justification These are just some examples of how justification can be used. In some situations it will be appropriate and in others it will have the potential to create problems in one’s life and cause them to avoid taking responsibility for their own behaviour. If one is using justification during moments when they should be taking responsibility, it might be necessary to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer to look a little deeper. One can then gradually face what they are avoiding in a safe environment and begin to act in ways that are more conscious.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
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