If one went into a populated area and started to observe other people’s behaviour, they may start to see that not everyone has the same focus. There may be some people who are only concerned with their own well-being, and there could be others who are also concerned about the well-being of the people around them
Two Sides One could come across a number of people who just push other people out of the way in order to get to their destination. They are then not going to worry about what happens to the other people. Along with this, one could see that there are also people who are far more careful. While they will have somewhere to go; they will do what they can to make sure they don’t trouble the people around them. Personal Life However, one doesnt need to go into a populated area to see that not everyone has the same focus in life. The only thing they need to do is to think about the people they have met throughout their life. When they do this, they may start to think about people are who generally behave in a certain way, and this will be different to observing people in public. This is because when one observes people in public, they are only going to be exposed to their behaviour in that moment. Isolation Therefore, it won’t be possible for them to gain a balanced perspective of someone; the only thing they have to go by is what is taking place in front of them. If one was to find out more about someone, they may see that their behaviour in this context doesn’t match up with how they usually behave. Yet when one has spent a certain amount of time with someone, it will give them the chance to have a more balanced perceptive. Some of the people who one thinks about may remind them of how selfless some people are. Two Extremes These may be people who would do anything for anyone; with them being only too happy to put their own needs to one side. They are then there for others because they want to be, and not because they have to be. There is also the chance that one will think about people who will remind them of how selfish people can be. In this case, they may be people who are too consumed with their own life to be there for others. A Reason If their behaviour ever changed, it might be because they are trying to impress someone. What this means is that if they have the chance to look good, they would be there for others. But other than that, they might have no interest whosoever in going out of their way for someone else. As a result of this, this kind of behaviour may rarely take place. A Difference What this shows is that when someone is selfless, they are going to be different to someone who is selfish. When one thinks about the former, they might feel food; however, when they think about the later, they could feel bad. Along with how one can feel when it comes to these two options; there is a strong chance that there will be plenty of people who would also feel the same. When one is selfless, they are often seen as being more evolved than someone who is selfish. Altruism Another way of looking at this would be to say that when one can put their needs to one side, they are being altruistic. And even if they end up being effected in a negative way through being there for another, it might not bother them. As long as they are able to make a difference, they may be only too happy reach out to another person. One way this could take place is if one was to jump into a river to save someone, or through giving money to the poor, for instance. No Reward In cases like these (and many others), it is clear to see that one is not being given anything in return; they are simply giving their time and energy, and at times, their money. Based on this outlook, it would be accurate to say that one was being altruistic. However, if one was to take a deeper look into what motivated them to reach out, and reflected on how they felt soon after, they may begin to see that they were able to receive a number things. For one thing, they might be someone who wants to make a difference in the world; helping others is then a way for them to fulfil this need. Feeling Good Once they have helped someone, they can end up feeling really good, and this comes down to the fact that helping others is great way for one to experience greater levels of happiness. What this shows is that being there for others can have a positive effect on one’s well-being. And as human beings are emotional beings, it can mean that an emotional pay off can be just as fulfilling as a physical pay off. Therefore, even though one might not receive anything from the person they help; what they experience on the inside could make up for what they don’t experience on the outside. Approval Along with this, helping others can also allow one to create a certain impression, and the feedback they receive from others can support how they see themselves. Their self-image is then going to be strengthened through being there for others. Conclusion It would be easy to say that one if one is not being selfless, then they must be being selfish; but in a way, these are simply two sides of the same coin. For example, one can be selfish and still be there for others, and they can also be selfless and still be there for themselves. What is going to play a part here is how developed one is; if they are in a position where they feel like a child, and they are then overwhelmed by their own needs, it will be a challenge for them to truly be there for others. Yet if one feels like an adult, it will be normal for them to want to be there for others, and this is partly because they won’t be consumed by their own needs and they will then be in touch with their ‘higher’ needs, so to speak.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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It is not uncommon for someone to have anxiety problems in today’s world, and while it may still be possible for them to carry on with the rest of their life, there is also the chance that their whole life could end up being affected. In this case, it is going to be challenge for them to enjoy their time on this earth.
Overactive One way of looking at this would be to say that some people’s anxiety is out of control, and this comes down to the fact that anxiety is something that everyone experiences to one degree or another. The primary difference is that not everyone’s life is defined by it. For some people, it could be something that appears from time to time, and they may even be overwhelmed by it at certain times; but that could be as far as it goes. It is then not going to be something that consumes their whole life. For Example If one had an exam coming up or was about to go on a date for instance, it would be normal for them to feel slightly anxious. Yet as time passes, this should soon disappear, and one will then be able to settle down. When one has an exam coming up, they can listen to how they feel, and it can then allow them to prepare in the right way. Yet if this feedback didn’t exist, it could cause them to overlook what they need to work on. A Positive Influence It could then be said that even though it is causing them to feel uncomfortable, it is not having a negative influence on their life. What is taking place within them is then allowing them to stay focused, and during moments such as these, it will be important for one to be aware of certain things. However, if they experienced too much anxiety, it is likely to have a negative effect on their exam. For one thing, it will be hard for them to focus, and once they sit down to begin; they could end up feeling overwhelmed. Out of Control This is going to be different to when one experiences anxiety for no apparent reason. It might not matter if they are around others or by themselves, as they could still feel the same. As a result of this, other people could see them as being unstable, and this could also cause them to feel uncomfortable in their presence. But if they were to ask them why they are experiencing life in this way, they might not know what to say. Avoidance In order for one to control how they feel, they might end up avoiding certain situations, and while this might not have much of an impact on their life, it could cause them sabotage their life. When this happens, they are going to stop themselves them from being able to live a fulfilling life. But even though they may end up putting their life on hold, so to speak, it doesn’t mean they will realise this. This is because they might be caught up in how they feel, and the most important thing could be for them to experience inner peace. Conflict At the same time, if one is still in touch with their needs, they could end up experiencing inner conflict. On one hand, they can have the need to avoid certain situations, and on the other hand, they can have the need to fulfil their needs. In this case, they might have moments when they are able to live as they would like to live, and moments when this is not possible. This could be how one has experienced life for a short time, or it could be something they have experienced for a number of years. Reaching Out Either way, it will be important for them to reach out for support, and through doing this; their life may gradually begin to change. One option would be to see their doctor; another option would be to do an internet search. If one was to pay a visit to their doctor, they may refer them to some kind of therapist; however, there is also the chance that they will put them on some kind of medication instead. They could also go on medication and have therapy, and when this approach is taken, the medication they are on can then be used as a short-term solution. The Point of Focus During this time, one can come to believe that their mind is defining how they feel. As a result, they may need to pay attention to their thoughts on one hand, and to think differently on the other. Through thinking differently, one may start to feel different, and this is because one’s mind can define how one feels. It would be inaccurate to say that one’s mind always defines how they feel, as the mind can also be influenced by what is taking place in their body. Another Angle Therefore, if one changes what is taking place mind and they find that they still suffer from anxiety, they might need to focus on their body. For example, if one doesn’t feel safe in their body, it is going to be a challenge for their mind to feel at peace. And because their body doesn’t feel at ease, it might not matter what they do with their mind. If they were to try to change how they feel in their body through focusing on their mind, it could be the same as trying to warm up a meal by blowing hot air on it. Boundaries When one doesn’t feel safe in their body, it can be a sign that they don’t have boundaries, and this is because they will allow one to feel safe in their body. Part of having boundaries will give one the ability to say yes and no, and another part of having boundaries will mean that one will feel as though it is safe for them to exist. Boundaryless Without boundaries, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one has anxiety problems, and this is because they will feel exposed. At an energetic level, they can be wide open, and it can be similar to being naked in public. If one has always experienced life in this, they might not know what it is like to have boundaries. Or if they did have boundaries at one point in time, they may have gradually lost touch with how they used to experience life. Possible Reasons There is the chance that one has experienced some kind of abuse or trauma, and this is then why they don’t feel safe in their body. If one has experienced abuse it doesn’t necessarily mean that they were physically abused, as it could relate to another kind of abuse. Perhaps their personal space was not respected during their childhood years, and this then stopped them from being able to develop boundaries. They would then have remained boundaryless, and other people would be seen as a threat to their survival. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to work with a therapist who understands what they are going through. This could be a time where one will experience some kind of bodywork, or some kind of technique that is used for healing trauma, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one heard someone say that all dogs are the same, there is a strong chance that they would find it hard to agree. This could be because they have owned a number of different breeds, or it could be something they have come to realise through observing other peoples dogs.
As a result, they will know that some need more attention than others, and that they don’t all have the same temperament, for instance. This then means that if someone is looking for a dog, they can find one that will match up with their personality. A Reaction When one says that all dogs are the same, it could show that their outlook is being defined by how they feel. This can mean that they haven’t taken the time to think about what they believe, and it is then not possible for them to see that their outlook doesn’t reflect reality. However, even if one sees life in this way, it is unlikely to have a big effect on their life. And providing this doesn’t cause them to harm dogs, it shouldn’t have an impact on them either. Men and Women What will have an impact on one’s life is when they believe that all members of the opposite sex are the same. On one side, there will be the effect this has on their own relationships, and on the other, there will be how it affects the members of the opposite sex. It is likely to make one’s life harder, and it could end up making it harder for the people they come into contact with. This is not to say that one will be the only one who has this outlook, as they may surround themselves with people who agree with them. Strength in Numbers If they were the only ones, it would make it harder for them to maintain the outlook they have, and this why it will be important for them to have the support of others. Through having this support, it can be even harder for them to experience life differently. The experiences that these people have had will provide them with the validation they need, and because they see life in the same way, they can believe that this proves that they are ‘right’. During those moments when they have experiences that go against what they believe, they won’t allow themselves to accept what takes place. The Mind It has been said that one sees with our mind and not their eyes, and this shows that one’s beliefs will have a big effect on what they see. Therefore, if one doesn’t believe something, their mind will do everything it can to stop them from being able to see it. When one believes that all men/women are the same, it is going to be a challenge for them to have a different experience. What they experience can then be seen as validation as opposed to simply being a reflection of what they believe. The Observer If one was an observer of their realty, it would mean that they are playing no part in their experience. But as it is not possible for one to just observe reality, it shows that they are playing a part in how they experience life. For one thing, one’s mind interprets everything that happens, and this means that they define what something means. Also, their behaviour and the ‘vibe’ they give off influences how people respond to them. Stepping Back Thus, if one was to detach from what is taking place within them and to observe their own inner processes, they might begin to see that they are playing a part in how they experience reality. However, if one is enslaved to their mind and is unable to step back, it won’t be possible for them to do this. When one is able to step back, it could be something that happens after one has an experience that has a profound effect on them. Alternatively, their need to connect with a member of the opposite sex might force them to see life differently. A Number of Reasons There could be a number of reasons as to why one would let go of this outlook and allow themselves to see that not every member of the opposite sex is the same. But when one has the need to change their life, it will give them the drive they need to move forward. If one has this outlook, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have relationships with the opposite sex; what it can mean is that they are unlikely to be very harmonious. In fact, these could be relationships where manipulation and even abuse is normal. Possible Reasons When one believes that all members of the opposite sex are the same, it can allow them to experience a sense of power. Whereas if they were to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, it could cause them to feel powerless. There could be a lot of pain under their beliefs and the thoughts that arise from them, and if they were to get into touch with this pain, they could end up feeling incredibly vulnerable. There may have been a time in their life where they were wounded in some way by a member of the opposite sex. Disconnected This is not to say that they are aware of what happened, as they may have disconnected from what took place. As a result, they can be in touch with the anger that they experienced through being harmed, but out of touch with the rest of the feelings that they experienced. It could then be said that the outlook they have stops them from having to face how feel at a deeper level, and unless they work through these feelings, it might not be possible for them to change their outlook. If they were to change their outlook, without working through their feelings, it could cause them to feel exposed. Awareness In order for one to work through how they feel, they might need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. This external support can then allow them to go where they might not be able to go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Although one can have the need to attract the right person into their life, it doesn’t mean that this will be that takes place. Instead, one can end up attracting people who are not right for them.
Now, if one is under a certain age, they might see this as something that they will grow out of. In this case, it is going to be frustrating, but they are going to believe that it will soon be over. The Same Old Story Alternatively, when one is in a position where this is something they have experienced for many years, and they are no longer at the beginning of their life; it could be a lot harder for them to handle. The years will have passed, but they are still going to have the same problem. Having said that, regardless of how old one is, it can still cause them to go through a lot of pain. What could cause them even more pain is if their friends have been able to find their ideal partner. Confusion One can then end up feeling confused as to why their life is the way it is, and along with this, the people around them could also have the same outlook. They may say that one just needs to be patient, and that their luck will soon change. Along with this, they might encourage one to go out more and/or they may say that they should find different places to socialise. Also, if one hasn’t tried it already, they may ask them if they have tried internet dating. In The Beginning Through trying something different, they may end up meeting someone who is unlike anyone else they have met; at least in the beginning. After a while, they may find that they turn out like everyone else. It might not even get this far though, and this is because one might not even find them attractive. However, if one was to come across the type of person who has caused them problems in the past, they might feel attracted to them. Conflict When this happens, one can end up wondering why they would be attracted to someone like this. Their body can feel the need to be with them and their mind can wonder what is going on. As a result of this, it is going to make it even harder for them to find someone who is right for them. They are also likely to experience a lot more pain than if they were simply attracted to people who were not a good match The Difference When one has a pattern of attracting people who don’t fit their criteria, so to speak, it is going to cause them to experience a certain type of pain. Yet if one has pattern of attracting people who are abusive, it is likely to cause them to experience another type of pain. For one thing, not only could they experience mental and emotional pain, they could also experience physical pain. This shows that not everyone who is unable to find the right partner will have the same experience. Hopeless It would be easy for one to end up feeling hopeless after they have attracted a number of people who were not right for them. But even if they were to give up, it might not be long until they are back on their feet. This is because their need to connect with someone is not going to disappear; it will be there no matter what they go through. They could have moments when they start to experience hope and then before long, they lose hope; and this could be something they have experienced on numerous occasions. The Outside In today’s world, one’s appearance is often seen as the most important part of them, and this can then cause them to believe that they can find the right partner by having the right appearance. As a result of this, if one looks after their appearance and their life doesn’t change, they can feel like there is something inherently wrong with them. Or they can come to believe that the reason they can’t find the right partner is because they don’t look right. However, if one took the time to observe different couples in the real world, they would see that it is not always about appearance. Looking Within If one is able to take their eyes off what is taking place on the outside, it will give them the chance to look at what is taking place within them. At first, it might be hard for them to do this, and this could be because they are out of touch with their inner world. Through looking within, it might be possible for one to find out why they are unable to attract the right partner. What this comes down to is that one is not simply an observer of their reality; they are playing a part in what takes place. Developing Self-Awareness It has been said that one’s childhood plays a part in the kind of people they are attracted to, and this means that one way for one to find out what is taking place within them is to read books on childhood development. This can then allow them to understand why they feel the way they do, and to see if the kind of relationship they had with their caregivers during their formative years is playing a part in their adult life. This will give them the chance to look into what their beliefs are, and whether they feel as though they deserve to have a fulfilling relationship. One may then have beliefs that need to be changed, and they might have an emotional build-up that needs to be released from their body, for instance. Awareness At a deeper level, one may have the need to stay loyal to one of their caregivers, and this can then be the reason why they can’t attract the right partner. One of their caregivers may have suffered in some way, and if one was to experience life differently, they might end up feeling guilty and as though they are betraying them. This outlook is likely to be coming from the child part of them, and this is why it can be hard for their adult self to understand why they would feel this way. If one can relate to this, they may need to have a family constellation. When it comes to changing what is taking place in one’s mind and letting go of an emotional build-up, one might need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are going to be people who will look towards others when it comes to what it means to be successful, there are going to be others who will look within themselves. When one looks within, it doesn’t mean they won’t be influenced by what other people are doing; what it means is that they will be in touch with their true needs.
Through having this connection, their outer reality is more likely to reflect what matters to them as opposed to what matters to other people. It is then going to be a lot easier for them to experience fulfilment, and this is because their achievements and their goals are going to be in alignment with their own needs and values. Approval When one lives in this way, it could mean that they don’t have a strong need for approval; if they did, it would be a lot harder for them to listen to themselves. Their need to please others would cause them to experience inner conflict, and one way for them to deal with this would be to do what other people want. However, this is not to say that one will look as though want to please others, as it could be something that they hide. From the outside, one could look as though they don’t care about what others think, and they may appear to have everything together. The Facade In this case, it can show that one is completely out of touch with their true-self, and it will then be normal for them to play a role. One might hold a high position and have all the material objects that are associated with success. But beyond their position and everything that they own, they could be in a lot of pain. And while some people might pick up on what is really taking place, a lot people might not. Conditioning This is partly because people are often encouraged to disconnect from what is taking place within them and to focus on what is taking place without. One way this takes place is through being conditioned to see life in a certain way. If one’s definition of success relates to having a career that will make them look good, earn them a lot of money and will allow them to be famous, for instance, it is going to be a lot harder for them to realise that there are people who have all these things who are not living a fulfilling life. More than Approval When one’s need for approval drives them to achieve something, it is only going to be a matter of time before they feel let down. If they are able to achieve what they set out to achieve, they might feel good for a short time; but as time passes, they are likely to return to how they felt before. Therefore, if it is one’s need for approval that is driving their behaviour, it will be important for them to look into why they feel the way they do. This could be a sign that one’s needs were rarely met during their childhood years, and they might then need to mourn their unmet needs. In Touch Through processing this pain, their need to please others is likely to subside, and it will then allow them to listen to themselves. Even though this is unlikely to be something that will happen overnight, it will give them the chance to live a fulfilling life. It can be a lot harder to for one to take the time to think about why they want to achieve something than it can be for them to simply take action. When one brings their attention within, it can be painful; whereas, when they focus on taking action, it can give them a sense of control. Two Sources In the past, one’s definition of success would have been influenced by the people they came into contact with and the media. This can mean that if one’s caregivers were not available during their early years, the media may have had a greater influence on their life. However, even if they were available, one will still have been influenced by what they saw on a screen or in a paper, for instance. What they were exposed to by the media may have inspired them, and it could then be said that it had a positive effect on their life. Social Media Nowadays, one no longer needs to be around other people or to come into contact with the media in order for them to develop an idea of what it means to be successful. The only thing they need to do is to go onto social media and to see what their ‘friends’ are doing. And along with their friends, one can also check up on how their favourite celebrities have been spending their time. In this case, one can be influenced by the people they know and by the people they would like to know. Inspiration One can then be inspired by what they see, and this could give them the encouragement they need to work towards their own goals. Even if they are inspired by a celebrities, it still might be possible for them speak to them directly. This is one of the benefits of using social media; it can give one the ability to contact people they wouldn’t have been able to contact before. However, while one can be inspired by what they see, it can also set them up to experience problems. Firstly When one looks at what their ‘friends’ have been doing, they can come to believe that they are living the perfect life. They can come to this conclusion by looking at the pictures and the updates that they share. One can then feel the pressure to experience life in the same way, and if they don’t, they can end up feeling like a failure. Yet, even though someone may appear to be living life in a certain way, it doesn’t mean they are. Secondly Along with this, one can start to compare their life with celebrities who have been able to rise to the top of a certain profession. And while one can have the desire to experience life in the same way; it might not be possible for them to do so. This is not to say that one should let go of their need to achieve things; what it comes down to is that we all have a part to play on this planet and it is not going to be possible for one to do everything. If one is not mean to do something, it might not matter how hard they try to achieve it. Conclusion Therefore, it will be important for one to take the time to get in touch with their true needs, and to realise that just because someone appears to live the perfect life, it doesn’t mean they are. There will be times when one’s life won’t go to plan, and that’s part of life. As long as one can learn from what happens and is able to pick themselves up after they experience setbacks, it will be a lot easier for them to achieve what they want to achieve.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Emotionally Disconnected: Can Trapped Grief Cause Someone To Be Emotionally Disconnected?25/10/2015
Even though human beings are emotional beings, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet is in touch with how they feel. There are likely to be people who are unable to connect to their feelings.
However, even if one isn’t completely disconnected from this part of themselves, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to relate to how they experience life. And this is because they may have had moments when they experienced life in the same way. A Big Difference Having said that, even if one has had moments where they were unable to tune into their feelings, it might be a challenge for them to relate to people who are always like this. This could come down to the fact this is something that they have rarely experienced, and as a result of this, they might not be able to truly grasp what it would be like. But if the experiences they have had allow them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, so to speak, they will see that they are having a radically difference experience. Through imagining what it would be like to always experience life in this way, one might start to experience a sense of gratitude. The Reason When one has been out of touch with their feelings, it could have been the result of some kind of trauma. This would then have caused them to disconnect from their body. Perhaps one was involved in a car accident and/or experienced some kind of violence, for instance. Through disconnecting from their feelings, one would have been able to protect themselves. A Defence Mechanism If they were exposed to what was taking place within them, it would have overwhelmed them, and this is why this defence mechanism would have been utilised. Their priority would not have been to experience what was taking place within them; it would have been to survive. Once the experience was over, one would have gradually got back in touch with their body. This could have been something that took place by itself, or they may have needed the assistance of some kind of therapist. A Whole Human Being It would then have been possible for them to feel like a whole human being as opposed to someone who lives on the surface of themselves. Not only would this have allowed them to connect to their feelings again, it would also have allowed them to connect to their needs. What this shows is that when one is out of touch with their feelings, they are also going to be out of touch with their true needs. In this case, if one is out of touch with their body, they are also going to be out of touch with their true-self. The Full Spectrum When one is out of touch with how they feel, they are unlikely to have moments when they feel bad, and this also means that they are unlikely to have moments when they feel good. On one side, this means they won’t experience emotional lows, but this also means they won’t be able to experience emotional highs either. Through being numb, it could cause one to gravitate towards things that will allow them to feel alive. This could happen through drinking, taking drugs, having sex and/or participating in extreme sports, for instance. Intimacy And while they may have people in their life, they are unlikely to be able to experience intimacy. Intimacy is something that takes place when one shares what is taking place within them, and when one is unaware of how they feel, they are not going to be able to share this part of themselves. Through being this way, there is a strong chance that they will also attract other people who are the same. As a result of this, some of the people they spend their time with are going to feel comfortable in their presence. Disconnected However, if one can’t feel anything it might matter if they are with others or if they are by themselves, as their experience of life can be the same. They are likely to see themselves as being disconnected from everything and everyone. This shows how the connection one has with themselves defines the kind of connection they have with everything else. Therefore, if one is disconnected from their own being, it is going to cause them to suffer. Emotional Pain If one was to experience physical pain, there is a strong chance that they would reach out for support. The same can’t always be said when it experiencing emotional pain, and instead or reaching out for support, one can do everything they can to avoid how they feel. One thing that can cause one to experience emotional pain is loss, and this is something that is part of life. Yet, even though loss is part of life, it doesn’t mean that this pain is always processed. What Can Happen Instead of working through their grief, one can disconnect from how they feel, and while this might allow them to feel better in the short-term, it can cause them to disconnect from their emotions in the long-term. What made their life easier at one point in time is then going to make their life harder at another point in time. This could be a sign that one have experienced a number of losses in a short period of time and it was then too overwhelming for them to face their pain, or they might have been focused on supporting the people around them and this would have stopped them from being able to be with their own pain, for instance. As a result of this, they wouldn’t have been able to mourn the grief that was within them. Awareness If one can relate to this and believes that they are carrying trapped grief, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This could be something that comes from a therapist and/or a support group. They can then supply the support that one needs to gradually get in touch with how they feel and to cry out the pain that is within them. This is unlikely to be something that happens over night, and this is why one will need to be patient and persistent.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people in the world who always try to see the best in others, there are also people who always try to see the worst in others. In their eyes, the outlook they have could be seen as best one to have.
Through having a different outlook, it is likely to mean that their experience of life will be radically different. The reason for this is that one is not simply an observer of their reality; they are having an effect on their experience. Feedback In this case, their experience is being influence by what is taking place within them, and this shows that they are playing a part in their experience. This is not to say that one will realise this, as they might believe that everything is random. Therefore, it could be said that one’s life will be more fulfilling if they were to see the best in others. For one thing, they are more likely to want to be around others, and this could allow them to experience a greater connection to their fellow human beings. At A Distance Alternatively, if one was to see the worst in people, they are more likely to want to keep them at a distance. Of if they were to allow a few people into their life, it might still be a challenge for them to feel completely at ease in their company. They might believe that it is not a case of if they will let them down; it is more case of when they will let them down. It is then going to be important for them to be on guard, so to speak. Trust What this comes down is that they are going to find it hard to trust others, and as a result of this, it will be normal for them to their distance. Through being this way, it might not matter how long they have known someone for, as they could still feel the same. Whereas when one can trust others, they are not going to need to have their guard up all the time. The people they come across can then find it easier to talk to them, and this is likely to make it easier for them to form relationships. Approachable At a deeper level, other people can pick up on what they are like, and this can then cause them to feel comfortable in their presence. If they were to ask themselves why they feel the way they do, they might not even know. Therefore, other people can find it easier to approach them, and when one approaches others, they can also feel at ease. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one can connect to others through ‘doing’ and they can also connect to them through ‘being’. Relationships If human beings were independent, it wouldn’t matter whether they could trust other people. But as they need others, they are going to suffer in one way or another if they find it hard to connect to them. Based on this, it can be hard to understand why one would always see the worst in others. It could be said that a lot of the problems they experience through having this outlook would be avoided if they were to change their outlook. Emotional State Ones well-being is also going to be effected through having this outlook, and this means that they may be used to experiencing greater levels of fear and anxiety. This will be the result of their need to be ready for when something ‘bad’ happens to them. Whereas when one sees life differently, it will be a lot easier for them to experience inner peace, and this is because they won’t be waiting for something ‘bad’ to happen. They can then be present as opposed to getting caught up in what might take place. Pros and Cons However, while seeing the best in others will have a positive influence on one’s life, it doesn’t mean it won’t cause them to experience problems. This is because when one has this outlook, it can cause them to block out evidence that would suggest that someone can’t be trusted, for instance. One can then get caught up in the idea they have in their mind, and this can then cause them to ignore reality. Their need to see what is good can then stop them from being able to see what is not good. Out of Balance This shows that while one can stop themselves from being able to realise that another person doesn’t want to cause them harm; they can also stop themselves from being able to realise that another person does want to cause them harm. As a result of this, one can end up being out of balance, and they could end up being taken advantage off. It could be said that it is a bit naive to always see the best in others, and this is because not everyone on this planet has pure intentions. However, this doesn’t mean that it is always best to see the worst in others. Being Present When one can live in the moment and detach from what is taking place within them, it will give them a greater chance of seeing someone for who they are. If their mind makes them believe that someone can be trusted, for instance, they can listen to their intuition. Or they can ask other people for their feedback; along with doing their own research. This will then allow them to take their time and they won’t need to react. Awareness If one is in a position where they find it hard to see the good in others or always has an idealised view of others, it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. This could be from a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one felt guilty whenever they consumed a certain type of food, it is going to be hard for them to enjoy eating it. On one hand, they might continue to eat it and put up with how they feel, and on the other hand, it might cause them to stop eating something altogether.
This could be a sign that one is on some kind of diet, and in order for them to reach a specific target, they are going to need to stay away from certain foods. It could also come down to the fact that one has been told not to eat something for health reasons. A Positive Effect In this case, it could be said that it is good that one feels guilty as it will encourage them to stay on track; whereas if they didn’t feel guilty, they might find it harder to eat the right food. As a result of this, it could take them ever longer to reach their ideal weight, or their health could get even worse, for instance. However, in one felt guilty whenever they consume something that isn’t bad for them, it is going to have a negative effect on their life. They are going to feel as though they are doing something wrong, and there is no reason for them to feel this way. A Small Problem But while this might have an effect on them when they think about eating something and once they have eaten something, it is unlikely to stop them from being able to enjoy life in general. They should still be able to carry on with the rest of their life. For one thing, there is a strong chance that they will be able to find something else to eat, and this might not only be as healthy, it could taste just as good. This also means that one should still be able to feel happy. A Completely Different Experience However, if one feels guilty whenever they feel happy, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy life. One could work hard to achieve something, and once they have achieved it, they might not allow themselves to enjoy it. One could then wonder why they work so hard to achieve things, but at the same time; this doesn’t mean they will simply give up altogether. Once they have achieved something, they could soon move onto something else. Another Outcome Alternatively, one could stop themselves from achieving anything as a way to avoid feeling guilty. While this is going to mean that one will have to put their goals to one side, it will stop them from feeling as though they have done something wrong. This shows that although this will cause them pain, it won’t be as strong as the pain they would feel if they were to experience life differently. The way for them to keep their guilt in check will be to stop themselves from growing and to sabotage their life. External Support If one is still able to experience achieve things, the people around them might find it hard to understand why they come across as they do. They might say that they deserve to be happy, and that there is no reason why they should feel guilty. Yet, even though one might hear this from the people they are close to, it doesn’t mean it will change how they feel. One might also find it hard to understand why they feel the way they do. Normal This could be how one has always experienced life, and in this case, it is going to be a normal part of their life. However, there is also the chance that one only started to experience life in this way after something happened. Based on what their life was like at one point in time, it might have been possible for them to be happy from time to time. But as they started to experience success, they may have started to struggle. Reaching Out Nevertheless, regardless of how long they have been in this position for, it will be important for them to reach out for support. This could mean that one will go onto a search engine and read up on this subject, or they might just go out and buy a book. Another approach would be for them to look for a therapist that understands what they are going through. And while they will want to move forward, they might also wonder why they are experiencing life in this way. One Reason They might be asked about their childhood, and this is because what took place during these years may be the reason why they feel guilty for being happy. Perhaps one had a parent who was rarely happy or suffered in some way. If one was happy, they might not have felt safe; therefore, in order for them to be approved of, they may have had to stop themselves from being happy. At this time, one wouldn’t have thought about how this would affect their life as an adult; their focus would have been on doing what they could to survive. One Approach As one’s thought play a part in how they feel, one option would be to change what is taking place in their mind. Their thinking patterns will then change and this could then have an effect on how they feel. Along with changing what it taking place in their mind, it might also be important for one to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is because what is taking place in one’s body can influence what is taking place in their mind. Holding On After one has changed what is taking place in their head and released what had built up in their body, they may find that they no longer feel guilty for being happy. However, there is also the chance that they will still feel the same. When this happens, it could be a sign that one is holding on out of their need to be loyal to their family. The child part of them can hold onto how they feel, and if they were to let go, it could be seen as an act of betrayal. Loyalty What this comes down to is that what doesn’t get dealt with in one generation can get passed onto the next. And in order to bring balance to the family system, one may have taken on board problems that didn’t belong to them. It might be hard to understand why this would take place, and this is why it is important to remember that how one perceives life now would not have been the same as how they would have perceive it during their early years. Through being given life, they would have felt the need to give something in return. Awareness The purpose would then be to change what someone in their family couldn’t change, but as it doesn’t belong to them, it is not going to be possible for them to do this. This is why they will need to try another approach. One way one can let go of what isn’t theirs will be to have a family constellation. This is something that can take place in a workshop or through a one-to-one session.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Inner Child: Can Someone Heal Their Inner Child Through Mourning Their Unmet Childhood Needs?22/10/2015
If one has mental and emotional challenges, or if they have relationship problems, they can end up looking for ways to work on their inner child. This is going to be a sign that they have come to the conclusion that their childhood is having an effect on their adult life.
The reason they have this outlook could be because they have read about it, and if this isn’t the case, it could be something that they sense at a deeper level. This is not to say that they haven’t read up on this subject though; what it can mean is that there are a number of different factors involved. Inner Child It has been said that the inner child is located just above the stomach, and this is an area that is said to play a big part in how one feels. For many years, the brain in one’s head was seen as the area that was in control of how one felt. This part of one’s body is where another brain can be found, and another name for this brain is the enteric system. Research has shown that over ninety percent of serotonin and over fifty percent of dopamine is made in this area. One Way If this area does have an impact on how one feels and their inner child is situated here, then it makes sense to work on the inner child. Another way that one can change what is taking place here is to consume foods that are high in probiotics. These foods will have a positive impact on the health of one’s gut, and as a result of this, one can end up feeling better too. However, eating the right food will only do so much; it is unlikely to have an effect on their inner child. An Option This is not to say that probiotics are therefore irrelevant, as one can incorporate them into their diet to improve their mood. What it comes down to is that if one has relationship problems, for instance, using probiotics is unlikely to change anything. Therefore, as long as one has a deeper understanding of what plays a part in how they feel, it will allow them to use the right tool for the job, so to speak. One can reflect on how they feel or think about what continues to cause them problems in their relationships, and then take the approach that they believe will allow them to experience life differently. It’s in the Past If one was to talk to people about how their inner child is influencing how they experience life as an adult, they may tell them that what happened to them as a child is all in the past. Therefore, they need to ‘move on’, and to focus on what is taking place now. Having said that, one might also have people around them who understand what they are going through, and this could be a sign that they are also in touch with this part of themselves. Through being around people who are like this, or if one only has one person who understands them, it is likely to make their life easier. Challenges One could be in a position where their inner child is in lot of pain, and it is then going to be a challenge for them to enjoy their time on this earth. There is also the chance that this part of them makes itself known during certain times. In this case, one may have a relatively healthy relationship with their inner child, and it is then not something that stops them from being able to live a fulfilling life. But even though it might not affect every area of their life, it could it could still cause them to experience a lot of pain. Examples There could be times when one feels powerless and as though they have no control over their life. They could have moments where they feel incredible needy, and no matter what they receive, they don’t feel any different. The end of a relationship might not only cause them to be overwhelmed by a sense of loss, it could also make them feel as though they have been abandoned. It might not matter how long they had been with someone, or if they had a strong connection with them. Two Factors When it comes to how one’s inner child feels, there will be what took place during ones younger years and how they responded to what took place. If one was a very sensitive child, for instance, their childhood wouldn’t have needed to have been extremely abusive in order for them to have been deeply wounded. Yet, this is not to say that when one is deeply wounded it always comes down to how they responded to what took place. If one is carrying a lot of pain, it could be a sign that they did go through a lot during their early years. Acceptance It will be important for one listen to their inner child, and to embrace what is taking place within them. Through doing this, they will gradually be able to let go of the conflict that is sabotaging their life. Whereas, if they were to stop themselves from feeling certain feelings, or if they were to judge what is taking place within them, it will make it harder for them to experience life differently. Through responding to this part of them as a loving mother would respond to her child, one will gradually be able to heal their inner child. Mourning One way one can heal their inner child is through crying out the pain that is within them. To do this, one will need to get in touch with their body and to allow themselves to go with how they feel. If one finds it hard to connect with how they feel or doesn’t feel comfortable getting in touch with how they feel, they might need to work with a therapist and/or a support group. This external support will allow them to gradually get in touch with how they feel and to release the pain that is within them. Holding On However, while this approach might allow one to change how you feel and to experience life differently, it might not. Regardless of how much pain ones cries out, one might feel the need to hold onto how you feel. One’s inner child might have the need to stay loyal to the people who were around during their early years, and one way this can take place is through experiencing life as they did. Therefore, if one was to let go of the pain that is within them and to life a fulfilling life, it could cause them to feel guilty. Returning the Favour Through being given life, one can then feel the need to take on their family’s problems in order to bring balance to the family. This is done out of love, and as one was given life; this can be seen as the least they can do. As an adult, it might be hard to relate to this; however, what it shows is that the way a young child experiences life is radically different to how an adult does. If one lets go of the outlook they have and connects to this part of themselves, it may allow them to realise why they would sabotage their life. Awareness In order to let go of their need to be loyal, one might need to have a family constellation. This will then allow one to let go of the pain that doesn’t belong to them, and it will then be possible for them to live their own life. This can take place in a one-to-one session or through a workshop.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one losses someone, they may feel the need to let go of their possessions soon after. Or if they don’t feel this way, the people around them may encourage them to have clear out, so to speak.
It could be said that the reason this would be seen as a good idea is that when something is out of site, it is often out of mind. Therefore, if one lets go of something that reminds them of the person who has passed on, it could have a positive impact on their life. Logical In this sense, one will be changing their environment, and it could be said that this sounds like the logical thing to do. Along with the need to let go of their possessions, one could also feel the need to move someone else. This may involve one moving down the road, or it could mean that they want to move even further. In this case, they might be thinking about moving to another part of the country. Deep Pain As a result of losing someone, there is a strong chance that one will be overwhelmed with grief, and it is them going to be normal for them to look for ways to change how they feel. The people around them are also likely to do the same thing, and while they may encourage them to go with how they feel, they might not. How they respond to one’s grief can all depend on how comfortable they are with their own emotions. If they have a healthy relationship with their own emotions, they are more likely to be able to honour what one is going through. A Healthy Relationship It will then be possible for them to be there for them, and they won’t need to tell them to ‘move on’ or to ‘get over it’, for instance. One will then be able to feel supported in their presence as opposed to feeling as though there is something wrong with them. They might tell them that they need to listen to themselves, and when the time is right, they will know when to get rid of something. There is then not going to be the need for one to feel pressure, and this will allow them to go at their own pace. The Ideal When one is around people who are like this, it will be a lot easier for them to go through the grieving process. They are unlikely to feel as strong as they usually do, and the people around them can be there for them. It is then going to be easier for them to listen to themselves, and this can then allow them to make the decisions that are right for them. If the people around them were pressuring them to move on with their life, they could end up doing things for the wrong reasons. Pleasing Others This could then cause one to be more concerned with pleasing others than pleasing themselves. To be open to feedback from others during this time is one thing, but it is another thing altogether to be consumed by what they think. It will be important for one to pay attention to how they feel, and when someone wants to assist them, they can listen to what they have to say. If it feels right, they can take it on board, but if it doesn’t, they can carry on with what they are doing. Support When someone does offer their support, they may find that they simply offer them their presence. In this case, they won’t feel the need to do anything; they can just be with them. One can then have someone to talk to, and while they may want to share their own feelings, they may have the need to talk about the person who has passed and/or about something else. They can also play a part in allowing one to find meaning once again, and to gradually realise that life is worth living. Letting Go And as to how long one needs this kind of support for can all depend on how long their grieving process takes. There is no set time frame here, and this is why one will need to be patient with themselves. Letting go of the other persons possessions could then be seen as something that will allow one to change how they feel within a short period of time. However, while it might change how they feel in the short-term, it might make it harder for them to heal the pain that is within them in the long-term. A Year It has been said that one should wait at least a year before they get rid of someone’s possessions. This is not to say that one has to keep their possessions as they were, and to come into contact with them every day. What it comes down to is that the possessions can assist one with their grieving process. Through coming into contact with them, it can allow one to come into contact with their feelings. Going Through the Pain As this pain arises, one can work through how they feel, whereas, if the possessions were given away soon after, it can be a lot harder for them to get in touch with how they feel. This is something that can take place when one feels ready to do so. There could also be things that one would like to keep; with these items reminding them of the times they shared with the other person. Through embracing how they feel, and crying out the pain that is within them, they may find that letting go of the other person’s possessions a natural process. Awareness There is then no need for them to use force; they can simply surrender to this process and go with how they feel. What matters is that one has the right support around them, and if they haven’t got this, it will be important for them to reach out. This could be something that is provided by a therapist and/or a support group, for instance.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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