While someone might have the desire to speak their mind, it doesn’t mean that they will end up doing so. If one was to take a step back and to reflect on why this is, they could find that it’s because they don’t want to lose other peoples approval.
Fitting In Their priority is then going to be to go along to get along, and their truth will end up being overlooked. It will then be normal for one to lose themselves in the hope that other people will respond to them in a positive manner. In general, this might be something that works for them, but this doesn’t mean that they are going to be happy about the direction their life is taking. Even so, it is going to be important for them to make sure that people don’t realise this. Needs Their need to express their truth is not simply going to disappear though, as this part of them will cause them to experience conflict. And while one could stay in touch with this part, they could end up disconnecting from it. If they usually hide it when they are around others, it could mean that they will be in touch with this part when they are in their own company. This could then be a time when they are angry and frustrated. Down One is then going to be only too aware of what they feel as they do; however, if they are not in touch with how they feel, they are likely to have a different experience. This could be a time when they have the inclination to feel depressed or low, for instance. But if they are out of touch with themselves, they could find it hard to understand why this happens. What they are going through could be attributed to something else that is going on in their life, or seen as being caused by their genetics, amongst other things. Inner Change If one is in this position, it is going to be in their best interest to change what is taking place within them so that they are no longer concerned about pleasing others. This could be a time when they will need to change what they believe, and they may even have some emotional work to do. Still, the work that they do will enable them to express themselves, and this will stop them from having to ignore their need to speak their truth. This doesn’t mean that one will always be able to speak their mind when this happens, as there are bound to be times when this won’t be the right thing for them to do. A Choice Yet, this is not going to be the same as when one always kept their views to themselves. When this happens, it will typically be something that they choose to do, as opposed to something that they feel they have to do. Nevertheless, once one experiences life in this way, they could find that there is something else that they have to consider. And if they were to speak to people who have been able to speak their mind for quite some time, they might find that they are already aware of this. A Modern Day Problem One could find that they need to be careful what they say, as it could cause them to offend other people. It would be easy to dismiss this and to say that that is part of life, but this is something that can lead to severe consequences in today’s world. For example, there are people who have lost their job or even been arrested for what they have said online. It then wouldn’t be a good idea to tell someone to simply throw caution to the wind and to say whatever they want. A Closer Look Still, this is something that can all depend on what they do for a living, as if one is self--employed it might not have an effect on their livelihood. What this won’t do is stop one from being visited by the police. When these two things don’t take place, it can mean that one can endure a smear campaign instead. Or, other people could try to have them blocked or banned from a social media site. A Big Audience In addition to this, there is a strong chance that hundreds of even thousands of people will be able to see what they have said online. This is why it can be far worse than if they were to say something to a few people in the real world. Another way of looking at this would be to say that there can be consequences regardless of whether they say something online or offline. Yet, when someone is offended by what they say, it could take them by surprise. Deep Regret One could then think about what they have said and they could soon end up feeling guilty; this could give them the desire to make amends for what they have said. It could be said that this is simply part of having a conscience. They would have had the desire to do the right thing and to do what they could to make the other person feel better. But although there will be times when this is the right thing to do, there will be others when it isn’t. Personal Responsibility There is a difference between one going out of their way to cause offence and them simply sharing their views and opinions about something. If one does the former and they end up apologising when someone is offended by what they have said, they could be doing more harm than good. The reason for this is one can play a part in stopping people from taking responsibility for what is taking place within them. In an indirect manner, they are going to be telling the other person that other people control how they respond to something. Infantilization Thus, instead of allowing the other person to see that they are in control of how they respond to something, they are being conditioned to believe that they are victims. Other people are then the ones who define how they feel. Said another way, it is not that other people simply have different views to them; it is that other people are out to cause them harm. Freedom of speech is then something that has to go, as opposed to something that needs to be protected.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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While someone can only focus on their own needs, they can also focus on other people’s needs. But although there is another way to experience life, these are often seen as the only options that are available.
Outlook If one only focuses on their own needs, it can be normal for people to describe them as being selfish or self-centred, for instance. They are then not going to be seen as an example of how someone should behave on this planet. On the other hand, when one is focused on other people’s needs, they can be seen as selfless human beings. It is then not going to be a surprise for people to see them as being model citizens. Support One person is likely to receive more approval than the other, and this can mean that one of them will have more people around them than the other. As if one is caught up with their own needs, a lot of people are going to be repelled by their behaviour. It might be relatively easy for them to start a relationship with someone, but that could be as far as it goes. Once someone realises what they are like, they could soon end up walking away from them. Another Dynamic However, if one is not caught up with their own needs, they are going to be far more appealing to others. Thus, not only will they have the ability to start a relationship, they could also find that they are able maintain the relationships that they develop. How they behave in the beginning is not going to fade away as time passes, and this is because it is who they are. Other people could see them as someone who is only too happy to be there for them. One Way Traffic In fact, these people could find that they have the tendency to take more than they give, but this doesn’t mean they will change their behaviour. If they were to ever ask one if they need anything, they could end up being told that it is not necessary. One can then come across as though they are an independent human being; someone who doesn’t need anything or anyone. There is then going to be no reason for someone to feel guilty for what one does for them, as there is nothing they can do for them. The Type of Relationship At the same time, this can depend on the kind of relationship that they have with them. If they are casual acquaintance, for instance, this could be an accurate reflection of what takes place. Yet, if one if someone is a close friend, they could go out of their way to make sure that they don’t give more than they take. Even so, one could find that they attract people who are self-centred. One-Sided One can then be used to being around people who are out of balance, and this could cause them a lot of frustration. Nevertheless, one could ignore how they feel and continue to be there for them. When one is around others, they could come across as happy and easy going, and this means that they won’t allow themselves to show emotions that could be labelled as being ‘negative’. If they do feel angry or annoyed, for instance, they could remind themselves how important it is to be there for others. Neglect Their focus is then generally going to be on other people and this could cause them to overlook their own needs. If they are more or less always there for others, they might not have a lot to show for their time on this earth. Or, if they don’t allow helping others to consume their whole life, they might still find that this is something that holds them back. It would then be a lot easier for them to make progress if they changed their behaviour. Needs If one was able to step back and to think about how they behave, they would see that the people who are self-centred are not the only ones who are out of balance. By focusing on other people’s needs and neglecting their own, they also need to change their behaviour. The trouble is that even one is out of balance; it doesn’t mean that they will be willing to see this. They could believe that they don’t need as much as other people or they could see themselves as being needless. Disagreement If one was to say this to someone, they could agree with them, or they could say that it is not true. In this person eyes, one could be seen as someone who has needs like everybody else. After a while, one could end up getting defensive and they could talk about what they have done for others. One is then not going to be short of evidence when it comes how they have helped others. A Cover Up It could then be said this proves that they are selfless; however, what it could also show is that they have something to hide. At a deeper level, they can feel ashamed of their own needs, and this is why they have to act as though they are selfless. Being there for others is then an indirect way for them to get their own needs met. Therefore, if they were to drop the act, they could end up feeling completely worthless, and this will be the last thing that they want to experience. Awareness Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with having needs; this is simply part of being human. When one feels ashamed of their needs, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. Perhaps one had to take care of their caregivers needs instead, and this would have caused them to believe that their needs are not as important as other peoples. One can move beyond this challenge by working with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to go online and to look for information on the women’s movement, they are likely to come across all kinds of views and opinions. In fact, this could also take place if one was to simply find people who were part of this movement in their local area.
University For example, if one is a student, there is a strong chance that there will be a society that they can go and visit. This will give them the chance to listen to what women (and men) have to say when it comes to their views and experiences. One could then decide to move onto something else, or they could end up going there on a regular basis. As to whether they go back again can all depend on if they agree with what is being said. Their Experience This could be a time where one feels as though they can relate to what the people in this group go through. The way they experience life is then going to be validated and they will want to come back again. At the same time, one could go there with an open mind, and then before long, they could end up going along with what is being said. One was then receptive to what they were hearing and this allowed them to soak it up. Online If one was to just browse the web instead, they could still end up wanting to become part of this movement. It could be said that it doesn’t matter what route they take; what matters is what they are looking for and if they are easily influenced. As if they can relate to what is being expressed, it won’t be necessary for them to go to a society. What they read about online will pull them in and that will get the ball rolling, so to speak. A Common Outlook Through being exposed to this information online or through being around other people who have these views, one could hear that all men hate women. Based on this, all men are going to be seen as ‘misogynists’. This could be something that one goes along with, or they might find it hard to believe. If one goes along with it, there is going to be no reason for anyone to prove that this is the case; it will just be seen as the truth. Stepping Back When one doesn’t go along with this outlook, it doesn’t mean that they will turn their back on this movement. Instead, one could still go along with it and identity with the other views that they have. Alternatively, this could be enough to make them take a step back and to take a deeper look into what is going on. One might begin to wonder how a woman can believe that all men hate women. Proof Still, if one was to ask one how they came to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that they will be short of evidence. This could be something that is supplied through talking about certain areas of society, or they could go online and show them different sources, amongst other things. Either way, one could find that the women who say that all men hate women are not always the most emotionally stable human beings. They may also see that a lot of them are filled with hate and anger themselves. The Mind However, when one believes something, and their emotions are out of control, it can be more or less impossible for them to see life differently. This is because human beings are not simply observers of their reality, they are co-creators. Therefore, if one believes something, it can stop them from seeing anything that goes against what they believe. Yet, if one is unaware of how this works, they are going to believe that what they see proves that they are right. Both Ways Said another way, this is the same as one planting a seed and then watching the seed grow. When it comes to what grows after, one will know that it’s because they have planted it; they are not going to be surprised by what is taking place. On the other hand, when it comes to how one perceives life, they can be completely oblivious to the fact that their experiences are mirroring back what they have planted in their own mind. This is why one can end up being victimised by their own believes, or what they are not willing to face within themselves, for example. Projection Now, this is not to say that men don’t exist who hate women, as this is not going to be the case. When a woman believes that all men hate women, it can be a sign that she is disconnected from what is taking place at a deeper level. As a result, this can then set her up to see what she is not willing to face within herself in men, and this is why this is something she experiences everywhere she goes. The hate that she attributes to all men is then a reflection of what she needs to acknowledge within herself. Violated At one point in her life, and this could have been during her childhood years, she may have been harmed by a man. This could also have been something she experienced on a regular basis. On one side, this could have set them up to feel powerless, and on the other, there could have been the feeling of shame. And although this might have only been something she experienced with one man, their mind would have come to believe that all men are the same. Disconnected Their reptile brain is likely to have formed this association as a way to keep them alive during this time. It is then going to be irrelevant that the other person doesn’t represent all men, as it will be seen as the absolute truth. One would then have gradually disconnected from what took place and the feelings within their body and how they felt during that time will end up being seen in men. One way of looking at this would be to say that criticising men is a way for them to experience indirect revenge. Toxic Shame In addition to this, the hate that they experience is there to stop them from having to face how they feel. If they were to move through their hate and anger, they could end up feeling a deep sense of shame. Although having the tendency to experience hate and anger can cause them to be out of control and to have a negative affect their health, it is going to allow them to feel better than if they were to experience the toxic shame that is within them. If this was to take place, they would end up feeling worthless and powerless once more. Conclusion It could then be said that the part of them that has been wounded has taken over, and until this part of them is healed, their past will continue to define their life. One has then gone from being the victim, to being the one who victimises others. Even so, this is unlikely to change until one is able to take a step back and to see why they are experiencing life in this way. Self-awareness is therefore the key, but this is not something that can be forced upon them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Does Someone Need To Be Careful Who They Let Into Their Life If They Are Sensitive?29/10/2016
It is often said that it is important for someone to make sure that they don’t allow ‘toxic’ people into their life. And upon reflection, it doesn’t take much thought to see why this is the case.
Interdependent In a way, this is no different to one being told that they shouldn’t eat food that is unhealthy. Still, it can be far more common for one to hear about how they need to eat right, than it is for them to be told to be around the right people. It has been said that we are what we eat, but what is rarely spoken about is that we end up like the people we spend most of our time with. This comes down to the fact that human beings are not independent of their environment. A Common Theme Even so, this doesn’t mean that everyone will be able to accept this, and this is due to so many people seeing themselves as being independent. This can set one up to believe that they don’t need anyone or anything. Clearly this is an illusion, but this doesn’t mean that one will end up coming to their senses. Through believing that they don’t need anyone or anything, it can be something that fills them with pride. A Problem As a result of this, one could believe that it doesn’t matter who they spend their time with, and this could set them up to suffer unnecessarily. Being around people who are not healthy can then be seen as something that doesn’t have an effect on them. It is then going to be similar to one being near to a fire and believing that their clothes and body won’t absorb the smoke. It could then be said that even though they don’t realise what is taking place, it doesn’t mean that it won’t have a negative effect on their life. In Touch On the other hand, this could be something that one realises even if they do see themselves as being extremely independent. There is then going to be no reason for them to spend time with people who could drain them. One will then be responding in the same way as someone who doesn’t see themselves as being separate from their environment. And through drawing the line in this way, their life will be a lot easier. Self-Image For example, one is more likely to have an empowering idea of themselves when they spend time with people who are supportive. The acceptance that they give them will enforce their self-image in the same way that eating protein would strengthen their muscles. How they see themselves and what they believe is possible is going to be heavily influenced by the people they spend time with. Thus, it makes complete sense to spend time with people who are like this. Boundaries Along with this, it will also be vital for one to have people around them who don’t walk over them or have the tendency to project their issues onto them. One can then be themselves around these people and they won’t feel the need to put on an act. At times, the people around them could project their issues onto the, but this is not going to be the same as being around people who are unable to own their problems. This will be the difference between being hit with a few spots of rain and being caught up in a rainstorm. Growth The time that they spend with these people can then allow them to move forward in life and to achieve what they want to achieve. These people will be in their life because they value them and not because they are trying to avoid themselves. Now, this is not to say that they won’t ever come into contact with people who are not good for them; what it means is that they won’t allow them to become a part of their life. One will know how to spot the red flags, so to speak. Another Scenario Nevertheless, while it is going to be necessary for people to be mindful when it comes to who they let into their sphere of existence, it doesn’t mean that everyone responds to life in the same way. It could be said that some people will need to be more alert than others when it comes to this. Also, what has a negative effect on them might not have the same effect on the average person. It is then going to be essential for one to be even more discerning when it comes to who they spend their time with. Highly Sensitive Person When one is sensitive, there is a strong chance that they will be more likely to pick up on how people feel, and it could be a challenge for them to enforce their boundaries. This can then set them up to be seen as an easy target by people who are out to cause harm. Being this way is then going to mean that one will not only need to be wary of the people who are abusive, but also the ones who experience a lot of drama. If they don’t minimise the amount of time they spend around these types, they could soon end up feeling drained or even depressed. The Right Diet In the same way that someone will need to eat the right food if they have stomach problems, one will need to spend time around the right people to avoid being burnt out. By being selective when it comes to who they spend time with, it will allow them to function at their best. And through not being able to handle a lot of stimulation, they might not need to spend a lot of time around others. When the people in their life understand this, there will be no reason for one of feel as though there is anything wrong with them, Awareness If one is sensitive and they are used to being around people who are not right for them, it is going to be important for them to work on their boundaries. This will allow them to listen to their own needs. The assistance of a therapist might be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one has the need to find out about what is taking place in the world, there is going to be no reason for them to miss out. This comes down to the fact that the mainstream media is there to inform them.
As a result of this, the only way they would miss out is if this was something that they chose to do, or if they were in the middle of nowhere. Through being away from the rest of civilisation, they won’t be any papers available or a TV, for instance. The Modern Day World However, if one has a Smartphone, it might not matter where they are on this planet. This device will give them the ability to stay up to date with what is taking place in the world, and this is going to make their life a lot easier. It could be said that this invention has give people the opportunity to be more informed than their ancestors ever were. The information is there, one just has to have the desire to look through it. One Option In addition to being able to browse the web for information, one can also go onto a social media site. This can be a time where they will see what is going on in the world through looking over what is ‘trending’. Yet this is not the only option, as one can ‘like’ and ‘follow’ different news sources, and what these sources share will show up on their News Feed. Taking this approach will save them a lot of time and energy. One Thing after Another When one looks into what is taking place, they may find that the media doesn’t always focus on the same things. What is being covered could end up changing after a few days have passed. Or, they could cover the same story for quite some time, and this could be a sign that it relates to something important. Nevertheless, if this is being spoken about in the news, one could believe that it must be important. Hooked In But regardless of whether the media covers something for a day or for a number of weeks, one’s attention could be absorbed by it. This could even be something that gives their life meaning. There may also be times when one is not willing to go along with what is being presented, and this may cause them to question what they see. Still, this is not to say that one will turn their back on the mainstream media is this was to occur. Part of Life If one was to do this, they might experience a sense of emptiness, and it could even cause them to feel unconformable. The emptiness can arise as a result of them losing something that was part of their life, and the discomfort can be due to them thinking that they don’t know what is happening. What would take place within them if they were to step away can then be what causes them to follow the mainstream media. Therefore, it won’t matter whether they are being told the truth or not, as that is not going to be their priority. The Missing Brain The brain that gives them the ability to think and to question what they hear is then going to be pushed to one side. Their reptile brain, the part of them that is focused on their survival, is then going to be in control. Yet, even though the mainstream media can give their survival brain a sense of certainty when it comes to what is taking place and allow them to settle down, it doesn’t mean that this part of them isn’t being deceived. This is similar to one being sold something on a street corner after being told that they are getting a great deal. An illusion One can then walk away feeling good about themselves, even though there is a strong chance that they have been ripped off. But unless one is able to come to their senses, they are unlikely to realise this. And if their friends were to say something, it might not even be possible for them to listen to what their friends have to say about it, and this is because their mind could be closed. How one can respond in this context can be the same way that they would respond is someone told them that the mainstream media can’t be trusted. Defensive Based on how they respond, it could be as if someone has said something bad about one of their family members, for instance. It then won’t matter that one has no connection to what they are criticising, other than the fact that they consume what they sell. To receive this kind of response can be frustrating, but it could be said that the mainstream media are not going to have a problem with it. Without know it, one will be the perfect mind controlled slave. Focused On the Trees And not only can one be absorbed in what they have to sell; they can also be in a position here they are unable to see the big picture. What is taking place in the world can be presented by the media as happening randomly, and as though there is no grand plan. It can then be easy for one to become so consumed by the trees, that they are unable to step back and see the forest. One can then end up always being one step behind and they won’t be able to do anything until it is too late. Conclusion While it can appear as though the mainstream media is simply presenting what is taking place in the world and that they are oblivious as to what is going to happen next, this is far from the truth. It might be more accurate to say that they decide what to focus on and what they focus on is part of plan that most people will only become aware of when it comes to pass. This highlights how important it is for one to not get too caught up in what the mainstream media is selling and to think about what they are not saying. And to think about what they are trying to achieve by focusing on one thing as opposed to something else.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone’s life is not going as they would like it to go, there are a number of things that they can do. This could be a time where one will end up feeling like a victim, and they could then suffer in silence.
One will then continue to live their life in the same way, and this can mean that their life will gradually get even worse. What this will show is that one will have resigned themselves to what is taking place. Powerless But as far as they are concerned, this might not be a choice they have made; it could be seen as something that is out of their control. One is then going to be nothing more than a bystander in their own life. Thus, if they do get worked up about what is taking place, it will simply cause them to experience even more pain. It can then be in their best interest to ignore how they feel and to just carry on with their life. Company Alternatively, one could be drawn to people who experience life in the same way, and they will then be able to complain to each other. What they are going through won’t disappear, but it will be easier for them to handle. Having people around them who are like this will enable them to experience a momentary relief. Yet, as this won’t allow them to change their circumstances, it could b said that they are going to be wasting their time. A Different Perspective This is something that could taker place if they were able to change their outlook, and if someone has this outlook from the start, they won’t need to see themselves as a victim. Through believing that they can do something about what is taking place in their life, there is going to be a greater chance of them looking for answers. When it comes to what they do to change their life, it can all depend on what they are going though. However, the main thing is that they are not going to stop themselves from being able to take action. Solutions If one had relationship problems, for instance, they could end looking for information online. Here, they will find articles, videos and books, and so it won’t matter how they prefer to learn. Still, the kinds of answers they receive will largely be defined by the kinds of questions that they ask. Ergo, if one can’t find what they are looking for, they will need to change the questions they ask. Clarity If one is going through a tough time or they keep experiencing the same challenges in their relationships, it can take a while for them to know what they need to do. As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for them to have a go at themselves if this takes a while. For example, if one has moved to a new town, they won’t expect to know where everything is straight away. In the same way, one will need to be patient with themselves when it comes to understanding what is going on for them. A Number of Different Approaches When they are looking for answers, they can hear about how important their beliefs are when it comes to what their relationships are like. Along with this, they can learn about the power of their thoughts, and their behaviour can also be seen as an important factor. One can then come to the conclusion that their life will change if they alter their beliefs and behave differently. There is then going to be no reason for one to take a look at what took place in their past. Going Deeper On the other hand, this might not work, and they may then feel drawn to information that talks about how what took place during their early years may be affecting their adult relationships. Or, this could be something that they do straight away, and this could be because they sense that their younger years played a part. And as one’s early years play a significant role in what they will be like as an adult, it could be said that it can be a good idea to take this approach. Through doing this, it can enable them to see their present day challenges in a completely different light. The Next Step Once they are aware of what took place, they will be able to do something about it; whereas if there were not aware, it would continue to control their life. One might see that even though they are no longer a child, the same patterns are being played out. This can then be a time where they won’t just need to change their beliefs and behaviour, as they might be carry an emotional build-up and trauma that needs to be dealt with. It can then be seen as an approach that will cause one to experience more pain than if they were to purely focus on their mind and their behaviour, but it might be the one that will actually work. Examples If one finds that they attract relationships where they give more than they receive or end up with people who need saving, this could be a sign that their early years were a time when they had to meet their caregiver’s needs. This would have set them up to be ashamed of their needs, and this is why they try to get their needs met indirectly. And through being there for other people, it is going to mean that their needs were generally ignored. This can then cause one to expect to much form others, and this is going to make it hard for them to find someone who is good enough. Another Route Nevertheless, even though some people will find answers and gradually move through their challenges, there will be others who won’t get this far. Instead, they could find information that frames their problems in another way. During this time, one could be told that the problems are due to them being an ‘old soul’ or something similar. The validation that this gives them can cause them to feel good and/or special, but it won’t necessarily allow them to change their life. Romanticized What they are going through can then be seen as something that is reflection of the fact that they are different to the average person. It could then be said this is something that can do more harm than good, even though one can feel good about themselves. In the beginning, this could allow them to disconnect from their pain, but then as time goes by, this outlook is likely to be another way for them to suffer. To feel special is one thing, but if this stops one from being able to change their life, it might be better to not feel this way. Awareness This is not to say that everyone is the same on this planet (or that ‘old souls’ don’t exist); what it comes down to is that it is easy for one to get caught up in things that won’t change their life. One way of looking at it would be to say that there are things that will allow them to pump up their ego. The benefit this will give them will be far outweighed by how their life would be if they were to have fulfilling relationships. When it comes to moving forward, one might need to work with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
There are all kinds of things that one can do whilst they are on this planet, and while some things are frowned upon by society, there are other things that are encouraged. For example, one can choose to commit crime, but this will typically lead to a negative outcome.
It could be said that while one is free to do these things, they are not free from the consequences that are likely to arise. Therefore, one can lose the freedom that they have by behaving in ways that result in other people being harmed. Two Parts In order for one to take a different path in life, it is going to be important for them to have empathy and to have a functional brain. Through being able to put themselves in another person’s shoes, it can give them a sense of what it would like for their life to be affected in this way. They will be able to get a sense of how destructive this would be and there will then be no reason for them to behave in such a way. And by having a brain that is working properly, they will be able to think about what might happen if they were to do something. Another Experience Yet, if this wasn’t the case, it would be a lot easier for them to cause harm to their fellow human beings. Now, this is not to say that people who commit crime can’t tune into people’s emotional states, as it is not this black and white. But when they do this, it can be something they have developed to manipulate others, and not something that is just part of their nature. It would then be inaccurate to say that they have the ability to empathise with others. Its Missing Another way of looking at it would be to say that they haven’t got a conscience, and this is why their ability to empathise is used in the wrong way. One can then come across as normal, but this is going to be nothing more than facade. It will simply be a way for them to endear themselves to others, and once they have drawn them in, they will take advantage of them in some way. At that point, it could be too late for someone to do anything about it. Thinking And the reason why one can suffer if they can only operate in the present moment and not think about the future is because this will stop them from thinking about what could happen if were to do something. They can be focused on their need to have what they want, as opposed to being able to think about if they are willing to go to prison for having it, for instance. This kind of behaviour could be put down to the tendency to act impulsively, and this can show that they are unable to control their emotions. What can also play apart here is a sense of naivety, and how they can be so confident in themselves that they believe that they will get away with it. Possessed This kind of behaviour could be put down to a lack of intelligence, or to what can happen to someone when they have had a traumatic childhood. When it comes to the latter, their early experiences could have damaged their brain, and this would have stopped them from being able to function like the average person. Thus, while they are still responsible for their behaviour, it could be said that they are not going to have as much control as someone whose brain has not been damaged in the same way. In fact, it might be better to see them as someone who has very little, if any, self-control. A Small Percentage Still, there are going to be plenty of people who don’t live their life this way, and they are likely to have moments when they engage in what society encourages. And one thing that people are encouraged to do is to help others in some way. This can occur through giving their time and resources to people who can benefit from what they have to offer. One can then help people they know as well as people they don’t know, and so there are no limits to what they can do for others. Their Own Accord Even so, this doesn’t mean that everyone needs to be encouraged to do this, as they can do this anyway. The reason for this is that when one helps other people, it can allow them to fulfil their own needs and values. Through doing something for someone, it can cause them to be approved of, for instance. And if they value making a difference in the world, it will also enable them to meet this value. The Outcome What they do is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing; with their being a strong chance that one will feel good after they have helped someone. The boost that they get by doing this is going to make them want to do more. Nevertheless, if one is actually helping other people, there is no reason why they should change their behaviour. They are getting something from what they do and so are the people that they help. Another Outcome If, on the other hand, one ends up being more concerned with how they feel than actually helping others, they could end up doing more harm than good. When this happens, one can be caught up with what is going on within them and oblivious to the effect their actions are having on others. One can believe that they are making a difference, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. But unless they are able to take a step back from how they feel and the thoughts that are going through their mind, it is not going to be possible for them to realise this. For Example What they do for someone could appear to make a difference, but it could stop them from changing their circumstances. As if one was to walk away and to leave them to it, it could force them to actually change their life. In addition to this, what they do for others could have a momentary effect and then as time passes; the people they have helped could end up causing harm. This can show that the people they helped were unable to appreciate their support and they might even have seen it as a sign of weakness. Conclusion This shows how important it is for one to not allow their feelings to cloud their judgement when it comes to helping others. As just because one can feel as though they are making a difference, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. At times, helping others can do more damage than not helping others and this is something that needs to be kept in mind. Ultimately, it is important for one to listen to their head as well as their heart.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
In order for someone to grow and to develop, it is going to be vital for them to be exposed to new information. This will allow them to expand on what they are already aware of and it will enable them to see life differently.
Therefore, unless this was to take place, it would stop them from being able to make progress in life. One might then be happy to share what they know, but they wouldn’t be willing to take in anything new. Validation Yet, if they were to take in something, it could be because it mirrors what they already believe. Or, if it could be a sign that it doesn’t cause them to question what they believe, and it could validate their outlook in some way. Thus, no new seeds are going to be planted in their mind; the only thing that will occur is that what is growing in their mind will be watered. It could then be said that one will be more concerned with being right than anything else. Avoidance It would be normal for someone to believe that these kinds of people wouldn’t be found in the education system. After all, this is an area where people go to expand their mind, as opposed to holding onto what they believe. Even so, it would be inaccurate to that everyone who works in the education system is there to learn. Instead, there are going to be plenty of people who are more concerned with protecting what they believe. Students This is not to say that all of these people would have started out his way, as this could have occurred through being in this environment. The people who go to college or university to learn can also end up in the same position. In the beginning one might have an open mind, and then as time passes, they could soon end up having a close mind. Due to what they have been taught, they could come across as though their mind has been set in concrete. Indoctrination If a student goes to college or university with an open mind and comes out with a closed mind, it could be said that they have been let down. The place where they went to be educated has simply conditioned them. Not only have they failed them; one has also had to pay for this to take place. The information they have taken in is then likely to make their life harder and they can be in a lot of debt. The Truth Nevertheless, when one has been conditioned, there is a strong chance that they won’t realise it. There is then going to be no reason for them to come to the conclusion that they have been told what to think and not how to think. As a result of this, one can see themselves as being a free thinker and someone with a mind that has been liberated. And so without knowing, one can end up being used to fulfil someone else’s agenda. The Ideal When it comes to controlling people, it is naturally going to be a lot easier for this to take place if it is done indirectly; whereas if it was to take place directly, it would lead to all kinds of problems. For example, if people are threatened with force or valance, they would soon come to see what is going on, and they would be more likely to resist. On the other hand, if this is done in a way that people are unaware of, there is a greater chance that they will go along with it. Less Work Along with this, it is going to be far easier to keep people in line when they round up each other. This is then going to mean that the government and other groups will be able to take their foot of the gas, so to speak. The people behind the scenes can control what most people believe by defining what is taught in the education system and what is covered by the mainstream media, amongst other things. These people who receive this conditioning are then going to be there foot soldiers. A New Crime And what one is likely to be familiar with, if they are in the education system (or were in it) and/or if they pay attention to the mainstream media, are people who have been offended. When this takes place, it can be as if someone has been physically harmed. Through having this response, they can see thesmevles as a victim, and this can make them believe that they are entitled to silence the other person in some way. Perhaps this could be through having them banned or blocked online, or they might even try and have them fired, for instance. Another Angle So due to how they have responded to what someone has said or what has been said to other people, they will feel the need to try and control another person. And as they believe that they have been harmed, this is to be expected. However, if one was able to take a step back and to observe what is taking place within them, they will see that the other person hasn’t done anything to them. Ultimately, one has experienced an emotional reaction, and if they had the ability to regulate their emotions they wouldn’t need to try and control others. Free Speech This would then allow one to take responsibility for how they feel and they wouldn’t have the need to silence others. If one is consumed by how they feel when they feel offended and focused on doing what they can to silence others, they are not going to think about how this will harm them in the future. What this comes down to is that if one tries to silence others, it might only be a matter of time before they are silenced. One way of looking at this would be to say that by focussing on people who are offended and the people who offend others, it is a way to take away peoples freedom of speech. Conclusion If this was done directly, it would cause an uproar; but by eroding it in a more subtle way, most people are completely oblivious to what is going on. This is just one way that some people are not only undermining their own way of life, but everyone’s way of life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who generally listen to their head, there are others who are more likely to go with their heart. And so regardless of what outlook one has, they can believe that it is the right way to be.
Clarity When one has the tendency to use the former, they can say that this gives them ability to think clearly. Based on this, it is going to be a lot easier for them to make the right decisions in life. If they were to think about when this hasn’t taken place, they could say that it would happen more often if they relied on their heart. There is then going to be no reason for them to change their approach. It’s Better Yet, if one has the inclination to rely on the latter, they could talk about how this enables them to listen to a part of them that knows more than their head. Therefore, to ignore this part of them would be something that would have a negative effect on their life. One could think about when this has taken place and it could fill them with a sense of regret. Through being this way, it is going to be seen as what allows them to make the right decisions. A Time and A Place At the same time, there are going to be plenty of people who believe that it is not this black and white, and that they both have a purpose. As to when one is more important than the other, it will all depend on what is taking place. In addition to this, one could have moments when they listen to their heart and their head; with this allowing them to come to a balanced conclusion. This will show that they are working with themselves, as opposed to alienating one part and embracing another. A Purpose It could be said that one has these two areas of intelligence for a reason, and so it is going to be in their best interest to pay attention to them. If this didn’t take place, it would be the same as having two different types of shoes and only using one pair. One could wear the same ones all the time, but this is simply going to create a lot of unnecessary discomfort. Through putting their feet in the right pair of shoes, it can allow them to function at their best. The Decision Maker When one listens to what their head and their heart has to say, it will show that they are able to detach from what is taking place within them. One is then not just going to be consumed by one part of themselves. It can then be seen as similar to what would take place if one had two friends in front of them who were giving them advice. Out of their respect and appreciation for these two people, they will take the time to listen to what they have to say. Reflection This could then mean that one will listen to each part of themselves and then make a decision. One could then find that they typically make good decisions and they are not going to be over reliant on one part of themselves. Still, this is not to say that they won’t be able to go with their heart and to put their ability to think to one side. As this could be something that has occurred on a number of occasions; with this being something that allowed them to respond quickly. Instant What this emphasises is that it can take a while for the head to make a decision, but the same can’t be said about the heart. This is something that can take place without too much time passing. And as it will already have an answer, there is going to be no need for one to use as much energy when it comes to the heart. It would then natural for one to see their heart as being superior. Two Sides Also, when one leads with their heart, they can be seen as being warm; whereas if they lead with their head, they can be seen as being cold. One way of looking at this would be to say that the heart brings everything together, but the head pulls things apart. The heart is full of acceptance and love and is only too happy to give; there are no limits as far as it is concerned. On the other hand, the head is far more cautious and sees that there are limits in life. One Outlook If one uses their head, their outlook can be realistic, and if they use their heart, their outlook can be idealistic. Clearly, both of these ways of seeing life have a time and a place, but when the wrong outlook is utilized, it can lead to problems. For example, the heart can be naive and see the best in everyone, and this can set one to be taken advantage of. If they have this outlook and they hold a position of power, it could cause them to inflict a lot of damage on their fellow human beings. Blind Compassion The heart’s desire to help anyone and everyone can also lead to all kinds of different problems, and this is why it needs to be monitored. Without the heads guidance, one can end up doing more harm than good. As while one can follow their heart and believe that being altruistic is the way to change the world; it can result in more problems. When this happens, one can end up enabling other people’s behaviour, or the people they are trying to help can end up harming them as time goes by. No Sense of Time The heart is also focused on the here and now, and this is why one can make a decision without thinking about what consequences may arise when they ignore their head. Yet, the head has a sense of time, and this can give one the ability to step back and to think about whether they should do something or not. Conclusion Ultimately, one has a head and a heart for a reason, and if they don’t have the ability to use both, they are going to be out of balance. Not only will this increase their chances of making poor decisions; there will also be the consequences of the decisions they make.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one has a problem with their car, it can be normal for someone to ask them what is wrong with it. Through asking this question, they might be able to fix the problem for them, or they could tell them to go to a garage and get it fixed.
However, even if they were to fix their car, they are unlikely to do this before they find out what is wrong with it. And as there are all kinds of things that can go wrong with a car, this is going to be the right approach to have. One Reason If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for someone to ask them what is wrong with their car. Instead, they could simply tell them to do one thing and then everything would end up being fine. One way of looking at this would be to say that other people are generally going to validate their experience, as opposed to projecting their own ideas onto what is taking place. As a result of this, one is not going to feel as though they are being walked over. Depression Yet, although this is the kind of response that one can experience when they have a problem with their car, this is not necessarily going to be what happens if they have a mental and emotional problem. In this case, one could say that they are depressed and someone can tell them what they should do. Therefore, they are not going to take the time to gain a deeper understanding of what they are going through; they will just give them advice. One can then end up feeling as though their experience is being invalidated. Projection What this can show is that someone is placing their views and experiences onto them, and this is then why they are unable to empathise with what they are going through. In this person’s eyes, there could be one approach that works for everyone who has depression. So although they could believe that they are helping someone through giving them their advice, it would be more accurate to say that they are trying to walk over them. They are not really interested in what they are going through. A Common Occurrence It can then be irrelevant as to whether someone has looked into what causes depression, as they can see themselves as an expert. As far as they are concerned, there could be one cause. If one was to speak up and to say that there is more than one cause or that they have tried what they suggest and it hasn’t worked, they could end up being criticised. What this emphasises is that there is not one cause when it comes to depression; in the same way that there is not one thing that can go wrong with a car. Far More Complex Still, human beings are clearly more complex than cars, and perhaps this is because they are built by them. As while one person could feel depressed due to losing their job, someone else could feel this way as a result of being abused as a child. When it comes to the former, it might be possible for them to chance how they feel by getting another job. But when it comes to the latter, they could feel the same regardless of whether they have a job or not. Perspective In addition to this, one person could find that they feel different through changing their thoughts or even changing their diet. On the other hand, someone else could do this and very little may change. One can then be in a position where they need to work on their software (what is taking place in their mind), or they can have the need to work on their hardware (what is taking place in their body. This can then be why positive thinking or changes in behaviour can work for some people but not for others. Self-Understanding Ultimately, the more one does to understand themselves, the greater chance they can have of dealing with their depression. If they don’t put in any effort to do this, it might not matter what is causing them to feel as they do. Their life will continue to go down the same path and it could get worse as time goes by. Suffering in silence is not the answer; one has to do everything they can to find a way to change how they feel. Highly Sensitive Person What can make it easier for one to end up feeling depressed is if they are sensitive, and this partly comes down to them not being able to handle as much simulation. Their nervous system can be different to the average person, and they can also lack boundaries. It is then going to be a challenge for them to be around others and not absorb what they are feeling. They can be affected by smells, sounds and lights, and so they won’t need to be around other human beings to feel washed out. An Emotional Sponge If one doesn’t realise what is taking place, they could believe that they suffer from depression, and this could be an outlook that is backed up by others. They could even end up being put on some kind of antidepressants. When in reality, one needs to understand that they don’t suffer from depression; it is that they are extremely sensitive to their environment. It is then going to be vital for them to understand what has a negative effect on them and to do what they can to protect themselves. Awareness Said another way, one will need to have a good connection to their needs and feelings and to listen to these elements. In addition to his, one might need to develop strong boundaries if they don’t have them. There is the chance that they had an abusive childhood, and this would have had an effect on their nervous system and set them up to be boundaryless, amongst other things. In order to move forward, the assistance of a therapist may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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