Shortly after I got back from Mexico in 2014, I started spending more time with a friend who I had met a few years before. This was someone who I had met whilst I was at a social club.
I remember seeing someone who was friendly and outgoing, and I felt the need to go and talk to them. At First, I thought that he was probably from Spain, but I soon found out that he was actually from Mexico. The Next Stage We would speak whenever we saw each other at this social club, but it didn’t go much further than this. If I remember rightly, this all changed when he was studying for his masters. I think that as he had to do a fair amount of writing during this time, he was drawn to my writing. And, as I would soon be going to Mexico for my sister’s wedding, this gave us something else to talk about. A Unique Connection Once I had got back from Mexico, I had a better idea of what it was like where he was from. We would get together about once a week, sometimes more, and I felt as though I could be myself. While it was clear that our early years were very different, there were certain things that we had in common. I gradually came to see that this was someone who was extremely intelligent. A Powerhouse Not only was he studying for another masters degree, he also had a full time job. I wondered how he was able to do so much, and I soon came to conclusion that this was someone who had a super brain. He didn’t just have a well functioning brain, though, as he had a good relationship with his emotions. Said another way, this was someone who was both intelligent (IQ) and emotionally intelligent (EQ). It was a new Experience Up until this point, I don’t think I had ever met anyone who was like this. I certainly wasn’t close to anyone who was both intelligent and completely comfortable with their emotions. He expressed how he felt and he would cry when he needed to, and this meant that he was full of life. I felt extremely grateful that I had someone in my life who had such a healthy relationship with their own emotions. A Big Impact This was a time when I was grieving over the loss of my father, and I felt as though it was safe for me to open up about this. It was also around this time that I was developing a better connection with my own emotions. When I told him about what had happened, and how I was facing the pain that was within me, he said that this was really beautiful. He validated what I was going through, and I found it hard to believe that I had someone like this in my life. A Defining Moment The reason for this was that I grew up in an environment where my emotions were generally overlooked. If I did show how I felt, it was highly unlikely that I would have been shown the kind of response that this person had shown. Thankfully, I now had a new model to externalise, and this started to change my beliefs and expectations. Along with the support of a handful of other people in my life, I started to believe that it was safe for me to express my emotions.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Critical Thinking: If Someone Is Spiritual Does It Mean That They Are Emotionally Developed?6/10/2017
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to do yoga, but if they do don’t yoga, they may have tried it at last once in their life. And in the same way that there are all types of martial arts, there also all types of yoga.
The Right Fit So, just as one can have a social media profile that reflects their personality or a website that does the same thing; they can find a type of yoga that matches up with who they are. But regardless of whether one does yoga or they have done in the past, they might not describe themselves as spiritual. If they do yoga on a regular basis, this could simply be a way to keep themselves flexible and to calm their mind, for instance. This could mean that they are religious, but then again, this might not be the case either. Another Experience On the other hand, one could do yoga on a regular basis, and they could describe themselves as spiritual. As a result of this, this is going to be about far more than just calming their mind and staying flexible. Perhaps this will be a time when one will be able to connect to something greater than themselves. And, even if one only does yoga from time to time, this could still be their primary aim. Something Else In addition to this, one could spend time meditating each day or they could do this a few times a week. This may just be a way for them to observe what is taking place within them, or it there could be far more to it. However, while one could do both yoga and mediation, they might only do the latter. At the same time, they might have moments when they spend time doing one thing and moments when they do the other. Another Sign Even if one does these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will wear bright coloured clothes or that they won’t eat meat. This is something that can come to mind when someone thinks about people who engage in these kinds of practises. One might still eat meat, but they could do what they can to make sure that the meat that they eat is ethically sourced, for instance. Along with what they eat, there could be times when they take things to raise their consciousness. Psychedelic Drugs Through taking man-made drugs or things that have grown in the earth, they will be able to “expand their mind.” After this has taken place, they could end up with a new way of looking at not only themselves, but the world in general. This could be something that they do a few times a year, or they might do it on a regular basis. Having said that, they might no longer feel the need to engage in these kinds of things. One Outlook If someone experiences life in this way, or even if they only engage in a few of these things, it could be said that this shows that they are an evolved human being. For one thing, they are not going to be caught up in mundane matters. In a way, their priority will be to go to the next level, and they might do what they can to encourage other people to take the same approach. And as they focus on what is going on up top, they are likely to be aware of what is going on down below, too. Both Sides What this means is that one is not just going to have higher ideals and different ways of perceiving life, they will also be emotionally developed. One is then going to have the ability to handle their emotions, which will allow them to tune into how they feel and to express how they feel at the right time. Through being this way, they are unlikely to have an emotional build-up, and neither will they have the tendency to run way from how they feel. This is going to make it easier for them to have fulfilling relationships. A Balanced Human Being When one has a good relationship with their emotions and they take care of their ‘higher’ needs, it could be said that they are in balance. But while this will be the case for some people who are spiritual, it is not going to case for everyone. Consequently, there are going to be people who are focused on what is going on up top and overlook what is going on down below. This could show that they experience life in this way in order to avoid what is taking place in their body. Spiritual Bypassing By engaging in different practices and/or even taking mind expanding drugs/substances, amongst other things, it can allow them to keep their pain at bay. It could be a challenge for them to handle their emotions, which will probably mean that they will have the tendency to disconnect from how they feel. One is then not going to be “emotionally intelligent” and this is going to be something that will have a big effect on their relationships. Most of the people they spend time with could also live on the surface of themselves, meaning that it is going to be challenge for them to experience intimacy. Awareness When someone uses alcohol or drugs to avoid themselves, it will be clear that they have a problem. Yet, when someone uses certain practises and/or mind expanding drugs/substances to do the same thing, it is not going to be as clear. Ultimately, the mind has all kinds of ways to keep pain at bay and, if it can do this while maintaining a certain image, it is going to be even better. But while one can feel good, and even look good, through doing this, they are still avoiding themselves. If one can relate to this, and they no longer want to run away from themselves, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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When it comes to a famous actor or singer, for instance, it could be said that their purpose is either to act or to sing. This is then no different to how a plumber or an electrician, for instance, is going to have their own purpose.
Now, this is not to say that a singer or an actor won’t do anything else in life, as they are bound to have other interests. And the same can be said if someone is a plumber or an electrician. One Difference What all of these people have in common, though, is that it is only possible for them to do what they do because of the support that people give them. This support is primarily provided by the money that they are given for what they do. So, if it wasn’t for this money, they wouldn’t be able to experience life in the same way. An actor or a singer can then come across as being larger than life, but if it wasn’t for the people who helped them to get to where they are and keep them there, they would soon fall down. One Thing to Keep In Mind With this in mind, one would think that it would be in their best interest to keep their views to themselves; that is, of course, when it comes to certain topics. Another way of looking at this would be to one to imagine how they would feel if their plumber told them how they should live their life. If this was to occur, they would probably tell them that they have crossed the line, and they might even ask them to leave. And, once they have left their home, this could be the last time they will ever be there. It’s gone to their head However, when a certain celebrity tells people what they should be doing in life, they can believe that they are doing the right thing. What this can show is that there is no doubt in their mind; they are in a place of complete certainty. One way of looking at this would be to say that the life they lead has played a big part in what is taking place in their mind. This can then have set them up to believe that they are superior to the people who elevated them to this position. All Knowing This person is likely to be worth millions, and they will be used to having people around them who tell them what they want to hear. Therefore, they will live on the same planet as the average person, but it will be as if they live on another planet entirely. Not only will they be a good actor or singer, they will also be an expert when it comes to just about every other area of life. And thanks to social media, they will have the ability to share their views whenever they want. Two Experiences There are going to be people who will go along with whatever comes out of their mouth, and then there are going to be others who don’t. If one does go along with whatever they say, it could show that they are not very old. Their mind is still going to be developing, and they may believe that this celebrity knows everything. Thus, even if this person says that they are not religious, they are still going to have their own god. Another Reason Then again, someone could be over twenty five but they could still believe everything that comes out of a celebrity’s mouth. This could how that they haven’t developed the ability to think critically. Perhaps they have the tendency to go with how they feel, and this is then stops them from being able to question what they are told. Through being this way, it is going to be easy to control what they believe. A Number of Areas If one has been listening to a celebrity for a certain period of time, they may believe that guns should be banned and that there should be no walls or borders. This is likely to have been something that a celebrity will have said on numerous occasions. The person they look up to will have said this and that will be the only thing that matters. It will be similar to what would happen if they were given something by their doctor; they will take it due to the fact that this person had told them to. Stepping Back Yet, regardless of whether one believes that guns should be banned or that walls and borders are a bad thing, they might end up feeling confused if they were to think about what they have heard. The reason for this is that the celebrity’s who are against these things are likely to be the very people who have body guards and live in houses with high walls. A celebrity is then going to be saying something that doesn’t match up with how they live their own life. One then has to wonder if these people actually think before they open their mouth. One Big Performance On the surface, it can seem as though someone like this is an evolved human being who cares about other people. But if they have people around them who have guns and they have high level security around their house/s, and they are telling people to do away with the things that keep them safe - do they really care about others? Ultimately, they are doing the complete opposite of what they are preaching, and this could show that they have an ulterior motive. Maybe these people don’t have a mind of their own; maybe they are told what to say even when they are not acting or singing.
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After one has met someone for the first time, they may find that they continue to show a lot of interest in them. And there is also the chance that they behaved in this way before they even met them.
Another Option If this was the case, it is likely to show that they met them on an online dating site or an app. Therefore, even though they won’t have met each other at this stage, it would still have been possible for the other person to give them attention. This could mean that they sent them a lot of messages and there may have been moments when they spoke to them over the phone. The other person may have asked them how they were doing each day and what they had been up to, for instance. More of the Same So, if this person does continue to behave in the same way, one could come to believe that they are attracted to them. Still, as time goes by, the amount of interest that they show could change. Yet, if they have gradually transitioned from seeing each other to having a relationship, this is to be expected. This is unlikely to be something that will only apply one of them though, as both of them are likely to have changed. Settled Down At this stage, there will be no reason for either of them to impress the other person, and they will know far more about each other than they did in the beginning. The other person’s attention may have been consumed by this area of their life, and now it can be directed to other areas of their life. However, this is not going to be the same as it would be if someone was to come on strong and ended up going silent. This would be going from one extreme to another, and it could show that something isn’t right. Easy To Handle When another person comes on strong and this gradually changes, it is not going to have much of an effect. After all, if the other person didn’t change their behaviour as time went by, it would cause them to neglect the rest of their life. And, if one expected to receive the same amount of attention throughout their relationship, they would soon end up disappointed. The other person would probably see them as someone who is needy, and this could end up pushing them away. A Strong Need What this could show is that one finds it hard to feel good about themselves, and this is then why they need so much attention. Therefore, when this is not forthcoming, it is going to be a challenge for them to function. Through being this way, it is likely to be difficult for them to have a long-tem relationship. At the same time, this could cause them to look to other people for attention, meaning that they could have the tendency to cheat. An insatiable Need If one needs a lot of attention and they are physically attractive, it might be easier for them to find someone to shower them with attention. But this is likely to change when they start to lose their looks. During their early years, they might not have received the kind of care that they need in order to develop. The wounded child within them is then going to be what is driving their behaviour. Another Experience On the other hand, one could come into contact with someone who acts extremely interested in them and, as time passes, they could end up going cold. This could be something that will happen after they have had sex for the first time. One could send the other person a message or call them, but it will be as if they have left the planet. It is then going to be normal for one to wonder what has happened to them, and they might start to believe that they have done something wrong. A Closer Look Clearly, there are number of reasons as to why someone would behave in this way - it is not something that is black and white. Nevertheless, there is the chance that something has been triggered within this person. At first, the fear of abandonment may have caused them to come on strong and, after they were able to go to the next level, this may have caused them to feel smothered. This person would have been overwhelmed by the feelings in their body and this would have stopped them from being able to behave in a conscious manner. Give It Time When the feeling of being smothered starts to settle down and the fear of being abandoned starts to appear up, they could end up getting back in touch. It might only be a matter of time before the same scenario plays out all over again. The sooner one puts an end to this, the better their life will be. If they do don’t anything about this, it is going to take a lot out of them, and it will stop them from being able to meet someone who is available. Awareness So if the other person is not ready to face the pain that is within them and to heal it, it will be in one’s best interest to walk away. And, if they are used to attracting people who behave in this way, it might be a good idea for them to see what is taking place within them. What they may find is that they also have a fear of being smothered, which is why they attract people who are unavailable. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In 2010 I had tried a healing technique that didn’t really have much of an effect on me, and this made me look for something else. Towards the end of this year, I got in touch with someone who I had met around a year before.
The reason for this was that I heard that they had created their own technique, which was based around observing the mind and whatever came up in the body. In many ways, it was a form of mindfulness. A New Ability So, this was a time when I would observe my thoughts, feelings, sensations and anything else that would arise. At first, it was a challenge for me to not get attached to what came up within me. But over time, I gradually developed the ability to simply observe what came up within me. This didn’t happen in a few months, though, as I was doing this for around a year and half. It Was Starting To Come Up Looking back, what was clear was that this was a time when the pain in my body was starting to come up to the surface. In a way, it was as if this part of me didn’t want to be ignored anymore and it wanted to let go of all the pain that it was carrying. Yet, even though this was the case, this was not something that would happen all the time I was using this technique. This was probably a time when I wasn’t ready to face what was coming up within me. On The Plus Side When I first started to do this, I was pleased that I was developing the ability to observe what was taking place within me as opposed to getting caught up in it. I thought that I was going in the right direction. However, as times passed, I was getting to the stage where it seemed as though nothing was happening; if anything, it was getting worse. I had to do it more and more, and even that wasn’t enough. One Way of Looking At it One the one hand, I was developing the ability to observe my mind, but on the other, it could be said that I was developing the ability to dissociate from myself. I now understand that the key is to be able to observe and to embrace what is taking place within me. I came to believe that if I did this enough, what was taking place within me wouldn’t have an effect on me any longer. But simply observing my inner world was not enough, and at the start of 2012 I moved on. The Journey Continued Shortly after I stopped using this technique, I ended up leaving where I worked. I didn’t know what would deal with the pain that was within me at this time, but I continued to look for answers. I wasn’t until the beginning of 2013 that I started to face the emotional pain in my body, and this was because the relationship I was in came to an end, which brought all the pain to the surface. I was ready to face how I felt, and this meant that I had to retrain myself to feel my feelings.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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