What is clear is that in order for someone to feel comfortable in their own skin, and to even experience inner peace, it will be important for them to accept themselves. If they are able to do this, their life is likely to be a lot easier than it would be otherwise.
But, although someone can have the desire to accept themselves, they can find that it is not possible for them to do so. Instead, what can feel more comfortable is treating themselves badly. The Norm Conversely, one might not even have a strong desire to accept themselves, which could mean that there is less resistance to what is taking place. This is not to say that they will have fully accepted what is taking place, though; what it means is that they won’t necessarily be looking for a way to change their life. Either way, both of these people are likely to find that they spend a lot of time feeling bad about themselves, and they may even spend a fair amount of time around people who treat them badly. One might see that how these people treat them is simply a reflection of how they treat themselves, or they might not see this connection. Oblivious If they haven’t come to this conclusion, one could end up seeing themselves as a victim. Some of the people in their life are then going to be hell bent on making their life a misery and one will have just happened to come into contact with them. One might even believe that they would feel better about themselves if these people left their life. However, if this was to take place, they are likely to find that they end up coming into contact with their own inner critic. Self-Abuse Regardless of whether they are around people who are abusive or if they are in their own company, this part of them is likely to be relentless. This voice could talk about the mistakes that they have made that day and going into what they have done wrong in the past. In addition to this, it can talk about the parts of themselves that are not seen as acceptable; the supposedly flawed parts of their nature. It could tell them that they are not attractive enough, slim enough and/or smart enough, for instance. An Intruder Through having put up with this inner voice for so long, it can seem as though it is a part of who they are. In reality, this is going to be nothing more than a parasite, something that is stealing their energy and shouldn’t be there. This can show that one is attached to the feeling of being worthless, with this causing them to put up with the abuse from their inner critic. What it comes out with is then going to match up with how they see themselves. Inner Conflict As a result of how they feel deep down and what their inner critic spews out, it is going to be hard for them to accept positive feedback from others. Part of them will want to be treated well and to be accepted by others, but an even bigger part of them won’t feel comfortable with this. So, even if someone does treat them well, they are not going to be able to fully embrace what is taking place. This experience is then soon going to pass, being replaced with the familiar experience of feeling unlovable and flawed. Looking For It Unconsciously, one is going to be looking for situations, circumstances and events that will validate how they feel about themselves. It is then not by accident that one will have experience after experience where they will feel rejected by others - it is by design. The trouble is that if one is not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level and is only aware of what is taking place up top, it will seem as though this is happening randomly. Consciously, they will be resisting what is taking place, creating the impression that they are not attached to experiencing life in this way. A Different Experience Once they are no longer sees themselves as someone who is flawed and their inner citric has started to settle down, they will be able to accept themselves. Consequently, they won’t be preoccupied with whether or not other people will accept them, and they will be able to accept love and kindness from others. This is not something that is going to take place overnight, but it can take place with patience and persistence. The main thing is that one is aware of what is going on and is ready to take the next strep. Awareness It may be necessary for one to each out for external support, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. What matters is that one does something and doesn’t allow themselves to suffer unnecessarily.
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If one was to find out that a friend or a family member is going through a tough time, there are a number of things that they could do. They could end up calling them up, or they could go and see them.
Once they have made contact, they could the take the time to find out what has been going on for them. This could be a time when they will simply be present, giving the other person the chance to talk. The Next Step After this has taken place, the other person could ask them for their advice or ask them to share their thoughts. Then again, one could share their thoughts throughout the time that the other person is talking. Towards the end of their time together, they could tell the other person that they are there if they need them. Along with this, they may even say that they will contact them every now and then to see how they are getting on. Boundaries What this will show is that one will realise that the other person is an individual, as opposed to an extension of them. It will be clear that there is only so much that they can do for this person. If they were to over step the mark, so to speak, they would end up trying to do things that this person should be doing for themselves. Therefore, instead of assisting them, they would be disempowering them. Other Responsibilities Through being this way, it won’t result in one neglecting other areas of their life. They are going to be only too aware of what they have to take care of in their own life, so getting completely consumed in another person’s life is not going to interest them. What is likely to play a part here is that one will see themselves as a capable human being, which is why they see other people in this way. Thus, regardless of what this person is going through, they are not going to be a helpless victim who needs to be saved or rescued. Ready to Help Now, this is not to say that one wouldn’t be willing to neglect certain parts of their life for a short while if someone they knew needed a lot of support. What it comes down to is that if they were to do something like this, they won’t see themselves as some kind of saviour. Also, they will know that there will come a point when it is time for them to take a step back, to make sure that they don’t interfere with the other person’s life. It might have taken them a little while to get to this point in life. Another Scenario Alternatively, after one has spoken to a friend or a family member who is going through a tough time, they could end up telling them what they need to do. Ergo, regardless of whether they have asked for their help or not, they will give it to them. Or, they could offer their unsolicited advice before the other person has even explained exactly what has been going on. The other person is then not going to be seen as a capable human being, they will be seen as someone who needs to be saved/rescued. A Natural Response If this is how they see the other person, and they might not even be aware of this, it is not going to be much of surprise for them to behave in this manner. This will stop them from realising that they are crossing the other person’s boundaries. Other areas of one’s life are then likely to end up being neglected, in order for them to try to fix the other person. At the same time, one could be in a position where their life is not very fulfilling. An Escape Even so, they could present themselves as someone who is strong and has it altogether, only for this to be a facade. Deep down, they might feel incapable and as though they need to be saved. Their need to try to rescue/save another person is then going to be due to the fact that this person reminds them of what they have disconnected from within themselves. Solving what is taking place externally is then a way for them to keep what is taking place within them at bay. More Harm than Good Out of their need to avoid themselves, they are not going to be able to see how destructive their behaviour is. Their behaviour will also be a way for them to prove to themselves that they are capable, with rescuing others a way for them to try to do this. If the other person wasn’t out of touch with their power to begin with, they might soon end up this way after one has been around them for a little while. One can end up feeling empowered as a result of another person being dependent on them. Awareness If someone finds that they have the tendency to rescue/save others and that they find it hard to simply be there for others, it can show that they are carrying wounds from their early years. To change their behaviour, it will be vital for them to get in touch with the part of themselves that needs to be saved. One way of looking at this would be to say that their inner child is carrying a lot of pain, and that this part of them wants to be heard. Through connecting to this part of them and grieving their unmet childhood needs, it can allow them to grow. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to end up having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy if they are going through a tough time. This is due to the fact that this is seen as the ideal tool to deal with a whole host of different challenges.
It has been said that one of the good things about it is that there is no need for someone to go into their past and to wallow there. Clearly, if someone is not in a good way, that’s the going to be the last thing that they will want to do. The Main Focus When it comes to this type of therapy, someone’s thoughts and behaviours are going to be the main area of concern, with these two parts being seen as the key to changing how they feel. So, no matter how they feel, it will be the result of the thoughts that they have in their head, along with how they behave. Thus, if they are in a position where they often feel depressed or if they behave in a destructive way, it will be essential for them to change their thoughts and their behaviour. After a number of sessions or a number of months worth, one could find that their life has gradually been transformed. Cutting off the Weeds One way of looking at this type of therapy would be to say that it is similar to cutting the tops of off weeds. Not only it is it easier than digging them out, it is also going to be a lot cleaner dong it this way. But, while cutting the tops off of weeds and not dealing with the roots will only cause them to grow back, it will be slightly different when it comes to dealing with mental and behavioural problems. Unlike weeds, ones negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours won’t have a root. The Perfect Scenario This is then why there is no need to go deeper, and it is enough to simply focus on what is taking place in someone’s mind and on their behaviour. Not having to go deeper is also going to please the part of them that is more interested in experiencing pleasure than pain. This part of them is not going to want to face anything that is painful or dark; it will want to keep everything light and to stay on the surface, so to speak. However, if one can change their life without going into all the heavy stuff, why would they go deeper? The Mainframe If their feelings are caused by their thoughts, the only thing that they will need to change is their thoughts or to be more precise, their ‘cognitive distortions’. The thoughts in their mind are then just going to be released randomly from their unconscious mind. Taking control of these thoughts and how they behave is then going to be the way for them to take back control of their life. Another way of looking at this approach is to say that it is just another form of avoidance. Full of Tricks Ultimately, the ego mind will do everything it can to avoid itself, and this means that it can even create the impression that it is facing itself. Not only does this part not want to face itself, it is also hell bent on keeping everything the same. Consciously, then, one can want to change how they feel or how they behave, but another part of them, their unconscious mind, can feel comfortable with what is taking place. This part of them may have formed an identity around what is taking place, not wanting their life to change. Inner Conflict Without understanding the part that their unconscious mind is playing, it can be as if one wants to change their life and that they are not attached to what is taking place. It is then as though it is one truly wants to change; when in reality, a big part of them is going to be holding onto what is taking place. Yet, unless one is able to get out of their mind and to connect to what is taking place in their body, it is not going to be possible for them to become aware of what is going on. One way to look at this would be to say that one will be on the top floor of a house that is moving all over the place and is not built on firm foundations, but as they are unaware of what is taking place lower down, they are trying to settle the house down by rearranging the furniture on the top floor. Going Deeper If they were to get out of their head and to get in touch with their body (the part of them that is often described as the unconscious mind), it would give them the chance to see why they are experiencing life as they are. Along with this, it would give them the opportunity to embrace their true-self. What they could find is that they are carrying a lot trauma in their body, which is causing most of their negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours. The roots (the cause) are then in their body and the branches (the symptoms) are appearing in their head. The Self The reason why one will be able to embrace their true-self by being in their body is because this is not something that is found in their head. Their feelings and needs, two things that are found in their body, are a key part of their true-self. Now, of course, one can live in their head and decorate what is known as a false-self, but this part of them will only be interested in doing what is can to please others. The outcome of this is that one will end up neglecting who they are. Conclusion It would be easy to say that as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is another thing that the ego has created to avoid itself that it should be done away with. But, this would be the equivalent of removing the stabilizers from a bike before someone knows how to ride; it wouldn’t make sense, and it would be cruel. In many ways, this approach is simply a reflection of where humanity is at when it comes to their level of self-awareness and self-knowledge. Just as the ego doesn’t want to face pain, it also doesn’t want to look within, which is why far more is known about the external world than the internal world. When it comes to dealing with the trauma that is in someone’s body, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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What someone may find is that it is only possible for them to relax when they are by themselves. Spending time around others is then going to be something that causes them to experience a lot of tension.
It might not matter if they spend time around friends or family either, as they could still feel uneasy. Therefore, while they will have the need to spend time around others, this is not going to be something that is very appealing. Part of Life But, although someone like this is going to have a very different experience around others compared with the people who don’t experience tension, this could be what is normal. So, for practically their whole life, they may have been this way. If this is something that they have become accustomed to, there is going to be no reason for them to do anything about it. It will be as if it is just part of who they are, meaning there is nothing that they can do about it. An Analogy In the same way that a fish won’t know that it is in water, due to not having been out of water, one won’t know that there is another way to experience life. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it will be as though they are so close to a picture that they are unable to see what it is. Ergo, in order for them to realise that there is another way for them to experience life, they will need to detach from the experience when they are around others. In the same way that a fish would need to leave water to realise that it is in water and one would need to take a few steps back to see a picture. Another Experience Then again, one might be only too aware of what is going on in their head, realising that this is not normal. Perhaps they have friends who are relaxed and full of confidence when they are around others. They could then spend a certain amount of time wondering what it would be like to be as carefree as them. Being around someone like this might allow them to feel better, but it is unlikely that it will enable them to behave in the same way. Too Much Nevertheless, regardless of whether they are too attached to their experience to see that something isn’t right or if they are aware that something isn’t right, it is still going to be a challenge for them to spend time around others. Whether they are shopping, meeting new people or going to a party, for instance, they are likely to feel overwhelmed. If they were able to describe what is taking place within them during this time, they may say they are experiencing anxiety and fear. They could also believe that they are being judged by everyone around them. Extreme Pressure With so much going on within them, it is to be expected that they won’t able to feel at ease and to express themselves. Whenever they are around others, it could be as if they are on a stage and that their every move is being securitized by the audience. One is then going to be extremely self-conscious around others, which will most likely cause them to be stuck in their head and out of touch with their body. Being the centre of attention is not going to interest them, yet it will be as though they are always the centre of attention around others. A Painful Existence Living life in this way is not going to be very pleasurable; life could be seen as something that they have to endure. They may find that that they need to drink alcohol to be able to relax and to reveal who they are around others. Without something to settle them down, their true-self is not going to be able to shine through. What is clear is that until something changes, their time on this earth will continue to feel like a burden. One Part What is clear is that one experiences a lot of ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings when they are in the company of others. This is likely to show that they have a strong inner critic that lays into them when they are around others. But, even though it is their inner critic that is judging them and not other people, it can seem as though other people are actually judging them. Now, clearly some people will judge them, but it is their inner critic that is causing the most damage. Another Part Consciously, one is going to resist what is taking place, and they would be only too happy for all this to finally come to end. Unconsciously, however, they can be attached to experiencing life in this way. Deep down, one can see themselves as someone who is worthless, causing them to feel comfortable with their inner critic’s abuse, feeling bad and being seen negatively. Their attachment to seeing themselves in this way will then need to end in order for them to talk to themselves differently, to change how they feel and to no longer expect to be seen in a negative light by others. Way Back What this can show is that their early years may have been a time when they didn’t receive the nurturing, love and support that they needed. Being treated badly wouldn’t have felt comfortable at this time, but it would have ended up being what was familiar and therefore what felt safe to their ego mind. The years would then have passed and one would have lost touch with what took place, yet their unconscious mind would have continued to feel comfortable with what took place. Without understanding the part that their unconscious mind is playing in how they are experiencing life, it will be as though these negative thoughts and feelings just appear out of nowhere and that they are not playing a part in what is taking place. Awareness By working through the trauma that is in their body, what is taking place in their mind will gradually change and they will also start to settle down around others. Their inner critic will gradually disappear, too, and this will mean that they won’t need to project this part of them onto others. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Thanks to the internet, it is easier than ever before for people to not only get hold of information, but to also disseminate it. What this has meant is that no matter what someone wants to know, there is a strong chance that they will be able to find out about it online.
And, someone is free to share their views online; that is of course, unless their views go against the official narrative. There may be certain sites where they can share their thoughts, but due to the amount of control that is now in place, there is so much information that is now seen as being off limits. Another Route One way to counter this would be for someone to look towards books instead, no longer allowing search engines and social media sites to define what they can or can’t see. The trouble with this route is that the big publishers can also avoid publishing certain books in order to protect their reputation and to make sure that they don’t have the online mob on their back (the loud minority). This information could still get out there through books that have been self-published; however, the online retailers could decide not to sell them. Taking all this into account, it is not as though this approach will always work. A Curious Mind Still, if someone wants to find out about something, there is the chance that they will keep going until they find what they are looking for. There could even be times when they want to find out more about something that has just taken place in their country, or took place a little while ago. For some reason, they won’t believe what the mainstream media, or the history books tell them, causing them to take an even deeper look into something. The official account of something is not going to makes sense to them. Two Sides For example, the mainstream media could make out that a lone gunman killed a group of people or that the reason that their country attacked another country in the past was because this country attacked their country. The people around them might accept what they hear, seeing it as the truth, but one could believe that there is a lot more to it. If they were to talk openly about this, they could end up being labelled as being crazy or odd. It could then be as though one has lost touch with reality, taking away their ability to think rationally. Unbalanced Someone like this could say that one is a conspiracy therapist and, unlike them, they don’t believe in things like this. One could be seen as someone who has a life that lacks meaning, which is why they find meaning where it doeasnt exist. In addition to this, they could be seen as someone who lacks inner stability and strength, with this being the reason why they need to form clear answers. Having clear answers about why something has happened will help to assuage their inner anxiety and sense of powerlessness. Another Factor They might also be perceived as someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves, which is why they need to be into something like this. As a result of believing in conspiracy theories, it will be away for them to see themselves as a different and even special. Therefore, the only reason they buy into all these crazy ideas is due to them not being a well adjusted human being. Based on this, once their inner world changes and they are able to settle down, they will no longer believe in any of this stuff. Black and White The people who believe in conspiracy theories are then basically unhinged people, who need to work on their own issues. Whereas the people who believe what the mainstream media come out with are simply level headed human beings. If someone doesn’t think for themselves and goes along with the official narrative, it is going to be very appealing to their ego for them to believe that they are doing the right thing, while the people do don’t have this approach are doing the wrong thing. Not only will it please their ego, it will also please the egos of people who want to control them. Looking Back It has been said that the CIA came up with the term ‘conspiracy theory’ in order to undermine anyone who didn’t go along with what they were told. This is then similar to how one person can invalidate what another person says in a relationship to wear them down. By gaslighting them, this person can start to doubt their own reality, making it easier to control them. Also, by calling people who question the official narrative conspiracy theorists, it will have caused plenty of people to believe that they would be seen as odd/crazy and would end up being ostracised if they didn’t accept what they were told. Nothing Is left to Chance The people who pull the strings from behind the scenes rarely leave anything to chance, hence why they have been able to exert control for so long. Back then, the term conspiracy theory was used to keep people in line; nowadays, there are numerous others words and terms that serve the same purpose. It would be easy to believe that the mainstream media is simply there to serve humanity nothing more, nothing less. People with bad intentions are then only going to be found in films and stories, for instance, and not in the real world. Conclusion It would be accurate to say that some people who don’t accept what they are told are lacking meaning, inner stability, strength, and self-worth, there is no doubt about it. But to say that this applies to everyone, or that someone can’t be aware of things that are true even if they are not in a good place, wouldn’t be rational.
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It has been said that the mainstream media doesn’t need to prove that what it is selling is the truth, the only thing it is needs to do is to gain people’s attention. By doing this, it will have an effect on what people think about and, of course, what they don’t think about.
There are going to be people who simply accept what they hear, having no interest in finding out if there is any truth to it. And, there will be people who don’t believe everything they hear, but who are still thinking about what they have been told by this source. A Target One way of looking at this would be to say that it’s as though the mainstream media has a special information device, with this being a device that can send information straight into people’s brains. But while the ideal will be for the information to go straight into people’s brains, this won’t always happen. Let’s say that this is something that won’t happen when someone has a force field around their mind – a force field known as the ability to think critically. But, even if someone does have this ability and this information does go all the way in, it can still catch their attention, thereby taking their attention away from other things. A Big Relief The fact that not everyone believes what this source of information comes out with wont be the ideal, but what will more than make up for this is that this source won’t have to worry about telling people about what is actually going on. They will know that they can continue to lay on as much propaganda as they want. Therefore, although this source will position itself as being the bastion of truth and all the rest of it, it will simply be there to control people. Now, this doesn’t mean that they will have a problem will making out that other sources are full of lies; what it means is that they won’t be able to look at themselves in the mirror. A Defence Mechanism Fairly recently, for instance, this source came out and accused the alternative media of being ‘fake news’. This is a classic case of, ‘the pot calling the kettle black’, and shows how deluded and/or amoral this source of information is. What happened here is then no different to what happens at an individual level and how people often accuse others of that which they are. When it comes to the mainstream media accusing the alternative media of fake news, it is a textbook example of projection. Another Tactic In a way, this was a way for the mainstream media to try to stay afloat and to delay the inevitable. As a result of so many people turning their back on this source of information, due to the amount of lies they have come out with over the years, they had to find a way to discredit the competition and to try to stay relevant. Instead of getting even, and committing to providing the truth as opposed to more lies, they got ugly. It is then tantamount to a falling restaurant sending people over to a new restaurant that is thriving to put mice in their toilets. The Power of Focus Over the years, numerous people have said, in one way or another, that whatever we focus on becomes more prominent. Taking this into account, it is clear to see that the mainstream media has been using people’s attention for decades to make certain things grow. It is then as though the people who have bought into what they have sold have helped to maintain the story that this source has presented. The mainstream media provides the seeds and the people who buy into what they sell provide the nutrients to make them grow. The Big Illusion However, what has covered up the part that human beings are playing in what is taking place in the world is the widely accepted belief that they are simply observers of their reality. Thus, it doesn’t matter what is taking place within them or what they focus on, as they are not influencing the world. This way of seeing the world could be seen as what takes place when someone is out of touch with their body and lives in their head. What this part of them will do is cause them to believe that they are separate from everyone and everything. Feeding the Beast Without realising it, then, the very act of being ‘informed’ by the mainstream media could cause someone to add more fuel to a fire that is already out of control. But, through seeing themselves as merely an observer and overlooking the part that their focus (energy) is having, they won’t be aware of this. This is the perfect scenario for the mainstream media, as it will allow them to carry out their agenda without being interrupted. Yet, if someone wants to live on a more peaceful, loving and harmonious planet, and doesn’t want to support a story/narrative that is not serving the planet, it will be essential for them to take back control of their own attention (energy). Conclusion When Ghandi said, ‘’be the change you wish to see in the world’, it is unlikely that he was talking about the importance to trying to change others. Most likely, he was talking about something that is often overlooked – changing oneself (something that usually involves healing trauma) and being an example to others. If someone is out of touch with their inherent power and worth, and is identified with their ego, trying to change others is going to be very tempting. Through feeling powerless, control others will be seen as the only way for them to experience a sense of power.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that while some people in the world are controlled by fear, there are others who aren’t. Consequently, these people are likely to live lives that are radically different.
Therefore, although these people will live on the same planet, it will be as though they live on two different planets. And it is easy to see which group of people will have a more enjoyable time on this planet. Free When it comes to someone who doesn’t allow fear to control their life, they are generally going to listen to their needs and feelings. So, if they feel the urge to do something, it might only be a matter of time before they take the next step. This will also allow them to speak their mind, and to share their views and ideas with others. What is within them is then going to flow out into the world, allowing them to feel alive and connected to life. Big and Small Thus, no matter whether it relates to taking a small step or taking a big step, they are not going to allow fear to hold them back. Through being this way, one may look back on their life and see that they have had a lot of different experiences. Experiences where they will have tried all kinds of different things, and they may even have travelled all over the world. As a result of this, even if they haven’t got a number of different qualifications, they will still have plenty of experiences that will have taught them a lot. An Interesting Person It might not be uncommon for people to be drawn in by them and to be amazed by what they have experienced. Also, people could be inspired by how they live their life, seeing them as a role model. The fact that one embraces life and sees it as an opportunity for them to express who they are and to experience different things is going to serve them well. In their eyes, life won’t be seen as something to hide from or to fear, that’s for sure. Confusion If someone like this was to come across someone who experiences life differently, they might find it hard to comprehend why they live in this way. One thing that they could think about is that life is too short to live in this way. They could end up telling this person that they are missing out on so many good things by not embracing life. Upon hearing this, the other person might agree with them or they could end up feeling invalidated. At The Root When someone is able to embrace life and isn’t paralysed by fear, it is likely to show that they have a lot of trust in life and in themselves. This will be what allows them to take action and gives them the belief that they will be able to handle whatever happens. And what can’t be overlooked, is that it is unlikely that they will be carrying a lot of trauma. If they were, it wouldn’t be possible for them to operate as a whole human being. Another Reality If someone’s life is controlled by fear, it can be as though they live in a prison without walls. To the outside observer it can seem as though they are free to live their life however they want, but this won’t match up with ones experience. They won’t feel safe enough to express themselves freely, and this will cause them to ignore a lot of their needs. One is then going to stay small, stopping them from being able to grow and expand. One Big Challenge It will be a challenge for them to take small steps, let alone big steps. If they were to look back on their life, they might wonder where all the time has gone, due to not having experienced much. Their priority will be to make sure that nothing bad happens to them, not to express themselves and to embrace all that life has to offer. It won’t matter if where they live is one of the safest places on the planet, as it will be seen as being unsafe. Its Missing Unlike the person above who has a certain level of trust in life and in themselves, this person is unlikely to posses either of these two things. Without these two components in place, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to experience a lot of fear. It will be as if they are not part of or connected to something bigger than themselves, causing them to believe that they are all alone on this planet and that nothing has their back. They could also be carrying a lot of trauma, which will have set them to be stuck in fear mode. Way Back What this can show is that their early years were a time when they learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to let go and to trust. Perhaps this was a time in their life when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Closing up and retracting from life would then have been a matter of survival, not something that they consciously chose to do. Due to how unstable and unpredictable their early environment was, it would have stopped them from being able to develop a sense of trust in the world and in themselves, something that would stop them from experiencing too much fear. Awareness Add to this all of the trauma that they would have experienced during this time, and is not going to be much of a surprise for someone like this to experience life in this way. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One of the biggest challenges that someone can have in today’s world is ending up with people who are not right for them. This can mean that they end up in relationships with people who are simply not a good match, or it can mean that they have the tendency to end up with people who are abusive.
Naturally, it is going to be far worse for someone to end up in abusive relationships than it will be for them to end up in relationships that are not in alignment with who they are. Nevertheless, if someone is used to being with people who are just not right for them, it is going to be incredibly frustrating. A Drain In both cases, this area of their life is going to take energy from them, making it harder for them to function at their best. In fact, if one is currently in an abusive relationship, they might not have the energy to do anything. Being in the other person’s presence, even if they are not treating them badly, may be enough to suck all the energy out of them. It could be as though this person is a vampire, who is constantly absorbing their life force. Taking a Break One could be in a position where they have been in a number of unfulfilling relationships or relationships that were abusive, and they may have decided to take a break. This can then give them the chance to settle down again and to focus on other areas of their life. They may believe that it’s just not their time and that their luck will change in a little while. There is the chance that this approach will work, but then again, it might only be a matter of time before they end up with someone who is very similar to the last person they were with. Two Parts When one has the inclination to end up with people who are not right for them, it will be as though they don’t have an effect on this area of their life. There will be the type of person they want and then there will be the type of person who they actually end up with. That’s not to say that they realise this during the early stages of a relationship, though, as the other person could come across in a different way. One can then end up feeling as though they were deceived. A Negative Assessment If they believe that they don’t have an effect on this area of their life, they could see themselves as a victim. If they do see themselves in this way, they could experience a lot of tension when they come across people who are in fulfilling relationships. People like this might appear to have something that they themselves don’t have, with this being the reason why there is a difference in how they experience life. However, while it may appear as though one is simply a passive observer in what is taking place, this is not the case. Two Levels It will seem as though one is ending up with people who are not in alignment with what they want, but if they were to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level, they may find that they are getting exactly what another part of them wants. The trouble is that what they want at a deeper level is not what they want at another level. And what is taking place at a deeper level has a far greater effect on how they experience life than what is taking place at higher up. One way of looking at this is to say that there is what is taking place in their head and then there is what is taking place in their body. Shinning the Light When one is aware of how what is taking place at a deeper level is affecting this area of their life, it will give them the chance to see that there is a reason why they continually attract the same types of people. It can be as if they have become aware of a part of themselves for the first time. This part may have been overlooked by them for most of their life, but it will be the part that is having the biggest effect on their life. What they are likely to find is that how they feel when they are in a relationship - along with how someone behaves - is what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe to their unconscious mind. For Example Deep down, one could see themselves as someone who has no value, so experiencing feelings that are in alignment with this view and being treated badly is then going to feel right. Consciously, they can still resist what is taking place and have the desire to experience life differently. As soon as they no longer identify with this view of themselves and have worked through the emotional wounds that are within them, they won’t be drawn to people who like this. Their unconscious mind will start to align with their conscious mind. Awareness The emotional wounds that one carries as an adult are likely to have been the result of what they experienced during the beginning of their life. Their caregivers may have been abusive, but it might not have been this black and white. One way for them to work through their wounds, will be to reach out for external support. The assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that a child will most likely perform a task better if their parent is speaking to them in a supportive manner, an adult is also likely to be able to perform a task better if they are talking themselves in a supportive manner. Not only this, it will be a lot easier for them to do well in general is this is how they typically talk to themselves.
A Team When one does have the tendency to talk to themselves in a positive manner, they are going to be their own best friend as opposed to their own worst enemy. So, even when there are moments in their life when they come across people who are not particularly polite, there will be no need for them to take it to heart. What they experience during these moments is then not going to be followed up by them having a go at themselves. How they are treated could just be put down the fact that someone is having a bad day or a sign that they simply speaking to others in the same way that they speak to themselves. Not A Match Due to what is taking place in ones inner world, the energy that is given off in moments like this is not going to take root in their being. It will be tantamount to trying to plant a seed in concrete; it just won’t grow. Still, this is not to say that there won’t be moments in their life when they feel stressed and slightly under the weather, which will make it harder for them to function in this way. Yet, this is not going to be the same as having a strong inner critic, day in, day out. A Challenge When they are trying something new, talking to themselves in a positive manner will allow them to experience good feelings. These feelings are likely to make them feel strong and powerful, and even if everything doesn’t go to plan, they will have their own back, so to speak. What they won’t do is end up verbally abusing themselves for making a mistake or for getting something wrong, for instance. Thus, no matter what happens, their emotional state is unlikely to drop too far down. Everyday Life And, even when they are not trying anything new, they won’t have a voice inside them that is there to beat them up about what they did - or didn’t do - in the past. There might be things that they would change if they could, but that doesn’t mean they will see this as a reason to lay into themselves. As a result of this, one will be able to look back and to gain valuable information from their past. Their past won’t be something that they use to make themselves feel as though they are useless or worthless, for example. Inner Balance If they do feel down, it could be a sign that they have recently lost someone or that something didn’t go to plan. Thanks to them not having a strong inner critic, they will be able to be compassionate towards themselves during these moments. Positive feelings are going to be a big part of their life, and along with feeling good, it might be normal for them to feel calm and at peace. Undoubtedly, their time on this earth is going to be infinitely more fulfilling that it will be for someone who has a strong inner critic. A Different Experience When someone does have a strong inner critic, they might not even realise that this part of them is basically an intruder. For most of their life, they may have had a voice within them that is not on their side. From the moment they wake up, until the moment they go to bed, it could have something negative to say to them. One is then not going to need to be in the company of someone who is abusive in order to experience abuse or to feel low. A Constant Battle They may have tried to fight this voice by achieving things, with this being a way to try to disprove the voice that is within them. But, no matter what they achieve, it is unlikely that this part of them will simply disappear. This part of them can still tell them how bad or worthless they are, amongst other things. Alternatively, one might have surrendered to this voice, tolerating all the abuse that it gives them. Rock Bottom Trying to fight this inner critic will take a lot of willpower, and when this energy source runs out every now and then, they will be defenceless – it will be like swimming across a lake, only to placed back on the other side shortly after. Ergo, regardless of whether they fight their inner critic or just give in to it, they are likely to be accustomed to feeling down. This inner critic will make it more or less impossible for them to be able to connect to their inherent value. Unsurprisingly, they could find that without the assistance of external sources (such as food, alcohol, drugs and/or sex), it is incredible difficult for them to experience good feelings. Self-Aggression What one may find is that they were brought up in an environment where their caregivers spoke to them in a similar way to how they speak to themselves. These voices were then internalised, setting them up to experience inner conflict. The aggressive part of their nature is not going to be on their side; it will be undermining them. This part of them, if it was on their side, could propel them forward and allow them to feel strong and capable; whereas all the time it is directed against them, it is causing them to slowly destroy themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to what causes one person to be attracted to another, it is can be easy to believe that it is simply due to effect that the other persons personality and/or appearance has had on them. These two factors will then have had the biggest effect on why someone is sexually attracted to another person.
One way of looking at this would be to say that these are the only two things that someone is aware of when they come across another person. Sure, there can be how much money they have or how famous they are, for instance, which can play a part, but in general, there will usually only be two things for them to go by. One Outcome If, after one feels sexually attracted to another person, they end up taking things further with them, there is the chance that this area of their life will go from strength to strength. One can then look back on when they first met and reflect on how well this area of their life is going. It could then be said that one had the ability to see that this person was right for them, and this is then why they were attracted to them. This is then similar to seeing something that is healthy and having a strong need to eat it. Different Challenges Now, this is not to say that they won’t ever argue or experience conflict; what it means is that this won’t be something that permeates their relationship. And, even when they do have a disagreement, they might typically be able to resolve it in a mature and loving manner. There is then going to be no reason for either of them to lose self-control and to blame the other. What this can show is that they both have the ability to own their own feelings, instead of making their partner responsible for them. Looking Back This could be how this area of their life has been for as long as they can remember; one is then not going to have been in an abusive relationship before. There is the chance that one had a fairly nurturing childhood. Alternatively, they may have been in a number of relationships that were not like this. What this could illustrate is that one has had to work through a lot of baggage in order to be able to experience life in this way. A Different Outcome On the other hand, after taking it further with someone who they feel sexually attracted to, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they start to feel completely different. This is not to say that this will take place after a few weeks or even a few months, as it could take a little while longer. After the so-called ‘honey moon’ period is over, one could wonder what has happened to the person they were with at the beginning. It could be as though this person has been replaced by someone else. A Big Surprise Consequently, it is going to be normal for one to feel confused and even victimised by this person. It might seem as though the view that they had of the other person was nothing more than an illusion. They might come to believe that this person was out to deceive them from the start, knowing exactly what they were doing. However, although it can seem as though they had absolutely no idea about what would happen as time went by, this is not the complete truth. Two Parts Consciously, it was clear that they had no idea about what would happen; as far as this part of them was concerned, the other person was a good match. The thing is, though, it wasn’t just their conscious mind that caused them to be attracted to this person What also caused them to be drawn to this person was what was taking place in their unconscious mind. In fact, what was taking place at a deeper level would have had a far bigger effect. Two Agendas In a way, it would have been as though their conscious mind had a list of things it was looking for and their unconscious mind had another list of things it was looking for. In the beginning, it would have seemed as though they had met someone who matched up with the list they were aware of, but as time passed, the person would have matched up with the list that they were unaware of. What this shows is that what is taking place at a deeper level has far more control than what is taking place on the surface. Consciously, one may have wanted to be happy and to be with someone who they could share their life with, for instance, but at a deeper level, they would have wanted to attract someone who would allow them to replay their unresolved childhood wounds. Repetition Compulsion For example, let’s say that one had a caregiver who was cold and detached or who was verbally abusive, they can be drawn to someone who is the same. The years will have passed since this time in their life, but this early trauma will have stayed within them. Due to this, being around someone like this will be what is familiar and therefore, what feels safe to their unconscious mind. Ultimately, attracting people who will bring these wounds up to the surface is a way of them to become aware of what they have disconnected from within themselves and then to heal it. Awareness But, if one is not aware of what is going on and blames the other person, it will be harder for them to grow and develop. They can end feeling angry and bitter, believing that the world is against them. If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their childhood wounds, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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