It is not uncommon to hear about people who have experiences each day where they feel taken advantage of or harmed in some way. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone like this to feel oppressed and/or victimised, along with feeling offended.
And, it might not matter if they are around others or if they are online, as there is always likely to be something that will have a big impact on them. The kind of experiences that they have will most likely be backed up by the kind of experiences that their friends have. Validation Through spending time around people like this, their views will end up being strengthened. They are then not the only ones who are being treated badly by the world; it is something that is happening to other people. The people who they associate with may have similar experiences to them, or they could be slightly different. Either way, they are all likely to believe that the world is out to get them and to hold them back in any way that it can. An Observer No matter what takes place or how they feel when something happens, one won’t believe that they are playing a part in the experiences that they have. It will be as though they just end up having these experiences. Therefore, as they are not playing a part in how they experience life, it is going to be expected that they would be so angry at the world. One will be a victim and the world will be full of perpetrators that want to harm them in any way that they can. The Only Option Taking all this into account, one is only going to have two options: either they put up with what is taking place and continue to suffer, or they fight back and try to change the world. The first option is not going to be very rewarding, but the second option can allow them to feel as though they are doing the right thing. One will be helping to right the wrongs of the world, doing their bit to put an end to the injustice that exists. By taking this option, they can be imbued with a sense of moral superiority. Black And White As one is simply observing what is going on and is not having an effect on their life, there is going to be no reason for them to change themselves in any way. After all, it’s not as though one is choosing to experience life in this way. What will prove this is how angry they feel when they end up being victimised or oppressed by other people. Add to this the fact that they are trying to do what they can to change the world. Another Angle However, although they are consciously resisting what is taking place, it doesn’t mean that another part of them is not comfortable with what is going on. Unconsciously, experiencing life in this way could be what feels comfortable. But, unless they are able to detach from what is taking place in their head, along with what is going on ‘out there’, it won’t be possible for them to realise this. Through only being aware of what is taking place in their head and being unaware of what is going on at a deeper level (their body), it will have set them up to believe that they are not playing a part in how they experience life. A Strong Attraction Whenever they feel offended, oppressed, or victimised, it will set them up to have a certain emotional experience, and this is likely to be an emotional experience that feels familiar. The reason it feels familiar can be because this is how they felt throughout their early years. So, as they already feel this way at a deeper level, they end up attracting circumstances, situations, and events that resonate with how they feel. In addition to this, what is taking place at a deeper level will also cause them to interpret everything that happens to them through a certain lens. Addicted To Suffering With this in mind, until one resolves their emotional wounds, they will continue to experience life in this way. One way of looking at this would be to say that the emotional wounds within them have set them up to crave emotional pain. Suffering emotionally is what will feel comfortable, and, if they don’t suffer, they can end up having withdrawal symptoms. One is then not going to be craving alcohol or drugs, for instance, they will be craving emotional pain. Awareness Nevertheless, by being aware of what is taking place at a deeper level and resolving their emotional wounds, one can begin transform their life. Instead of needing to experience negative thoughts and emotions, they will begin to feel comfortable experiencing positive thoughts and feelings. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If one is used to spending time around people who are abusive, they can come to the conclusion that they are a victim. It is then not that one is playing a part in what is taking place; it is that this is just how their life is.
So, while these people will have control over their own life, there is going to be absolutely nothing that they can do to change their life. Consequently, it is likely to be normal for them to feel totally powerless. One Experience This could mean that one is in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive, and they may even physically abuse them from time to time. Being round someone like this is going to make it more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves. But, before they ended up in a relationship with this person, they may have been with a number of other people who treated them in a similar manner. Ergo, this won’t be the first time that they have been with someone who treats them like dirt. Other Relationships When it comes to the other people in their life, they could be fairly supportive, or perhaps these people are fairly critical. If some of these people are supportive, they could spend a lot of time asking why them why don’t just leave their partner. One could agree with these people and say that they want to leave, only to stay with the same person. There is also the chance that some of the people they know are also in relationships that are life-denying. Another Scenario Conversely, after having just been in a relationship like this, one may have decided to stay single for a while. They might end up focusing on other areas of their life until they feel ready to find someone else. Yet, regardless of whether they take a break for a number of months or a number of years, they could still end up in another abusive relationship. Once again, they will have ended up with the type of person who they don’t want to be with. Resistance Before this happened, they will probably have said to themselves that they didn’t want to be with someone like this, and they may even have told the people in their life the same thing, but this won’t have had much of an effect on their life. Somehow, they will have ended up in a relationship with the type of person who they have been trying to avoid. Nevertheless, although it can seem as though one is simply a bystander in what is taking place, there is likely to be a lot more to it. In order for them to realise this, it will be necessary for them to detach from their mind and for them to reflect on what is taking place within them. A Mirror If they were to pay attention to what takes place within them and to monitor their own mind for a little while, they could be in for a shock. What they could soon find is that they rarely talk to themselves in a positive manner. But, as this is something that they have become accustomed to, it hasn’t been possible for them to notice what is taking place. What is taking place externally is then going to be a reflection of what is taking place internally. It’s a Match Therefore, due to how badly they abuse themselves on the inside; it doesn’t stand out when someone abuses them on the outside, or if it does, it still isn’t enough for them to stand their ground or to walk away. No matter how badly another person treats them there is the chance that it won’t be as bad as how they treat themselves. What this can also mean is that if one was to spend time with someone who treated them well, it might not feel right. It might then only be a matter of time before the relationship would come to an end. A Negative Attachment This can show that their identity is based around them being someone who is inherently worthless. As this is how they see themselves, there is going to be no reason for them to resist what their inner critic says to them. In fact, their inner critic could even be seen as part of who they are, as opposed to being nothing more than a parasite. They may even believe that this is their conscience, even though this is not the case. Letting Go Taking this into account, the idea of themselves will need to change for them to be able to experience life differently. No longer seeing themselves as someone who has no value will be one part, another part will be for them to let go of their inner critic. What this will do is enable them to embrace their inner value and to talk to themselves in a loving and supportive manner. This will allow them to feel good about themselves, putting to an end their willingness to tolerate bad behaviour. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone doesn’t know how to do something, there are at least two things that they can do. Either they can reach out for the guidance that they need to move forward, or they can just accept what is going on and not do anything about it.
This could relate to something that is fairly insignificant, meaning that finding a way to solve this challenge won’t have much of an impact on their life. Then again, this could relate to a big challenge in their life; therefore, solving it will have a big impact on their life. Stuck Overlooking a small challenge in their life might not hold them back in any way, but taking the same approach when it comes to a big challenge could result in a very different outcome. It might not be possible for them to move ahead in one area of their life, and, this could end up having a negative effect on other areas. For one reason or another, something within them is going to be stopping them from reaching out for assistance. They may even believe that reaching out for assistance is a sign of weakness. A Self-Imposed Prison Still, this doesn’t mean that they will be aware of this belief, and, if they do see people reach out when they are unable to do something, they could end up criticising them. In addition to putting up with what is not working in their life, they may also try to solve certain challenges by themselves. At times this may work, but at other times, they may only get so far. Once again, they will prefer to struggle and strain, as opposed to reaching out to someone who will be able to offer them the assistance that they need. Closed-Off It could be said that someone like this has too much pride to admit that they can’t do something. This then makes it hard for them to accept that they are not their own island and that it is not possible for them know everything. Reaching out to others could be seen as a sign that that they are incapable and even a failure. Faulty beliefs such as these are going to cause then to suffer unnecessarily, holding them back when their life could be transformed by reaching out. A Slightly Different Attitude If someone like this did end up reaching out, they might not be able to truly put their guard down and to listen. Instead, they could try to come across as though they know it all, even though they haven’t got a clue about what is being spoken about. So, while this will be a time for them to be humble and to let go of the need to come across as though they know everything, they won’t able to do so. As a result of this, the other person might soon lose their patience and be happy to walk away. Self-Sabotage Regardless of whether they realise it or not, they are going to be shooting themselves in the foot by behaving in this manner. To the people who can assist them, it will be clear that one is not teachable. The information and wisdom that these people have, information and wisdom that could take months or even years off their learning curve, is then going to be unavailable to them. Behaving in this way may protect their ego, but it is not going to do much else. A Very Different Experience However, when someone doesn’t believe that reaching out for help means that they are incapable or a failure, it is going to allow them to move forward a lot faster. Behaving in this way will be seen as the sensible thing to do. No matter how competent someone is in one area of their life, there are likely to be plenty of other areas where it is a very different story. There is then going to be times when one has something to teach another person and times when another person has something to teach them. Just a Number Through being open minded and not having the need to know everything, it also won’t bother them how old someone is. Thus, someone could be older or even younger than they are, but that doesn’t mean that one will feel threatened or look down up them. One will be aware of the fact that people grow at different rates and that age has no bearing on how knowledgeable someone can be when it comes to a certain area. It would be a seen as a big mistake for them to overlook what someone has to say simply because they are older or younger than them. Taking it all in Through being able to accept that they are a student of life, no matter how much they know or how old they are, it will allow them to listen to what someone has to say. And, if they don’t understand something, they won’t have trouble asking questions. It will then be clear to others that one is receptive to what they have to say and that one is willing to learn. Consequently, another person can then be more than happy to assist them in any way that they can. Awareness What this illustrates is how important it is for someone to be teachable; that’s if they want to grow and to develop. If one has the right attitude, there are plenty of people in the world who will be happy to share what they know with them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has the desire to be in an intimate relationship, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they meet the right person. Alternatively, they may find that they are only able to get so far.
The months will then pass and this area of their life won’t change, causing them to experience a lot of frustration. There is even the chance that a number of years will pass and this area of their life still won’t change. Two Sides One is then going to have the desire to be with someone but it won’t be possible for them to fulfil this desire. It can then be as if they are playing their part, yet the world is not meeting them half way. This could show that one has been using different dating apps and going out on a regular basis. If, after experiencing life in this way for quite some time, they were to feel like a victim, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Fully On Board They will be clear about what they want to experience and they will have taken the steps to make this happen, only for this area of their life to have stayed the same. It will have been as though they picked a destination and followed the right directions to get there, however, they ended up somewhere else entirely. Experiencing life in this way could cause them to believe that someone, or something, is holding them back. Seeing couples could be very hard for them, as it will remind them of exactly what they haven’t been able to experience. A Slightly Different Experience At the same time, one may have been in a number of relationships but each time they may have been with someone who was unavailable. So, even though they were with them, they wouldn’t have been able to emotionally connect to them. They may find it hard to decide which of these two experiences is more frustrating, or they may find that being with someone who is unavailable is worse. The reason for this is that they would have got their hopes up, only to be brought right back down to earth again. The Problem If one has been with a number of people who were unable to commit, they may believe that other people are the ones who need to change, not them. Until they change and are ready to share their heart, their life won’t change. At some point, one could put this area of their life to one side and focus on other areas of their life. This area of their life is then going to be out of their control, and they will just have to wait until it changes. Two Levels The thing is, though, just because one says that they want to have a relationship and they take certain actions to make this happen, it doesn’t mean that every part of them is on board with this desire. Nevertheless, if they are only aware of what is taking place in their head, what they do, and what they say to others, they are not going to realise this. Deep down, in their unconscious mind, they may only feel comfortable with keeping people at a distance. Consciously, then, what is taking place is not going to make any sense but, unconsciously, everything will be going to plan. Conflict What this illustrates is that what is taking place in their unconscious mind has far more control over their life than what is taking place in their conscious mind. When these parts work together, magic can happen; when they don’t, it can lead to a lot of pain and suffering. The trouble is that when one is not aware of the impact that this part of them is having on their life, it can be normal for them to feel powerless. In most cases, what is going on ‘out there’ will be seen as the problem. The Main Need This part of them will only allow them to experience what feels safe; therefore, if they are unable to experience intimacy, it is likely to show that this is perceived as something that is a threat to their very survival. Now, it might be hard for their conscious mind to understand how intimacy could put their life at risk. The thing about this part of ones being is that it can forget that it has forgotten about certain things. So, even though this part of them might completely dismiss this as having no basis in reality, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. Emotional Archaeology If one was to put what is taking place in their conscious mind to one side and to reflect on what took place during their early years, they may gain a certain amount of insight into their current challenge. They may find that this was a time when their boundaries were not respected. This could have been a time when they felt smothered and overwhelmed by the people around them, which would have caused them to lose themselves. At this age, this would have been a lot for them to handle, and getting close to others would then have been associated as something that wasn’t safe. Awareness As the years passed, ones conscious mind (head) would have gradually forget about what took place but their unconscious mind (body) would have remembered. This part of them has no sense of time, so it won’t be as though this is how their life was; it will be as though it is how their life is. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Empowerment: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Feel Comfortable With Feeling Powerless?17/10/2018
When someone is an empowered human being, they will know that they do have an effect on their life. In each moment of their life they will have the ability to decide how they will behave, and they will be able to decide the meaning that they give to what takes place.
One is then going to see that even if they can’t change something, they can still control the impact it has on them. Thus, the control that they lack externally will be made up by the control that they have internally. Moving On If there is an area of their life that is not going as they would like it to go, they will have two options. Either they can do something about it or they can simply let go of what is taking place and move on. What this comes down to is that being able to walk away from something that isn’t working is a big part of being empowered. Staying in a situation that is having a negative effect on their wellbeing is not going to appeal to them. The Sensible Approach This comes down to the fact that they won’t have complete power over their life, which is why they will have to cut their losses at times. Staying in a situation that causes them to feel as though they are powerless is not going to appeal to them. What will appeal to them is letting go and to embracing something that will allow them to feel empowered. If they feel angry or frustrated, for instance, they will see that they are off-track and need to get back on track. One Direction As a result of this, there is a strong chance that their life will going in the right direction. When it comes to their relationships, they could have a number of people in their life who respect, value and appreciate them. Their career could be another area that is very fulfilling, with them being seen as successful by others. At the same time, this might be an area of their life that is just starting to take off. An Unexpected Outcome If something doesn’t go to plan, and they end up experiencing a setback, they might feel down for a little while, but there will be no need for them to drown in self-pity. This will give them the ability to reflect on what has happened and then to pick themselves back up. Ultimately, fulfilling their needs and feeling good is going to be what interests them, not overlooking their needs and feeling bad. Perhaps this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, or maybe they haven’t been this way for very long. A Different Scenario There are then going to be others that have a very different experience on this planet, and this is likely to mean that they live a very bleak existence. It can be as if they have absolutely no effect on their life. Ergo, regardless of what they do, their life is not going to get any better. In fact, they may find that when they have taken action their life has ended up getting even worse, not better. A Common Experience What is going on around them is then not going to be good and what is going on within them is not going to be any better. They can spend a lot of time feeling powerless, hopeless, and helpless. It might be as though something is holding them back in life, or that someone is trying to stop them from moving forward. There could also be times when they feel angry and full of rage. Two Levels Consciously, one is going to be resisting what is taking place, and it is clear that they would be only too happy to experience life differently. They may have even read a number of self-development books on how to be empowered, creating the impression that they want to change their life. Unconsciously, however, feeling powerless could be what feels comfortable, and this is then why they haven’t been able to change their life. The trouble is that until one is able detach from how they experience life and to connect to what is taking place at a deeper level, they will continue to see themselves as a victim. What’s going on? What this can illustrate is that their early years were a time when they had the tendency to feel powerless. Perhaps this was a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected. Feeling this way wouldn’t have felt comfortable, but it would have ended up becoming what was familiar to their ego mind. To this part of them, what is familiar is classed as what is safe. Inner Conflict The years would then have passed and one would have gradually lost touch with how they felt during this time in their life. Yet, even though one would have lost touch with what happened, what took place all those years ago is still defining their life. Not only will feeling this way feel safe to their ego mind, this part of them will also have formed an identity around feeling this way. What this exemplifies is how important self-awareness is when it comes to being empowered. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has anything good to say about president Trump, there are least two things that can happen, and what happens will most likely depend on who is around them. One could end up receiving positive feedback or they could end up receiving negative feedback.
There is the chance that one would have only spoken about him because they knew that they were around people who also supported him. This is not necessarily a sign that this person has a strong need to fit in; it could simply show that they want to protect their livelihood. The Status Quo In today’s world, only certain opinions, views and ideas are seen as acceptable, and supporting Trump is not on the list of things that are classed as being acceptable. It is often believed that the only way someone could support him is if they are a racist and/or a sexist, amongst other things. As a result of this, Trump supporters often have to keep their views to themselves. Only talking about him to people who also support him is then a way for them to make sure that their life isn’t destroyed. The Other Extreme If, on the other hand, someone only has bad things to say about him, they can end up receiving a lot of positive feedback from others. What they say can seen as the truth and that’s all there is to it. This can be the case if someone works in the education system or at a big corporation, for instance. Expressing these types of views is not going to put their livelihood at risk; it will simply endear them to most of the people around them. In The Middle Along with the people who think he’s wonderful and those who hate him, there are going to be people who neither love nor hate him. They might be aware of some of the good things he has done and some of the not so good things he has done. Conversely, they might not give a lot of thought to what he is or isn’t doing, preferring to focus on other things. Someone like this might not be into politics – this could be an area of life that doesn’t interest them. All Over the World It would be easy to assume that the types of people who have been mentioned above live in America, but there are likely to be people like this all over the world. It then won’t matter if Trump is their president or not. When it comes to how someone views him, the mainstream media may have had a big effect. In general, this source of information has been only too happy to portray him in a certain way. A Buffoon Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what Trump says or does as the mainstream media typically make him out to be an idiot. He is then a human being who is completely incapable and it is quite frankly a miracle that he is in the white house. Yet, even if someone doesn’t pay attention to the mainstream media, they can still struggle to understand how he was able to get into the white house. If they live in America they might wonder what has happened to their country and, if they don’t, they might wonder what has happened to America. Two Experiences However, even if one does pay attention to how the media portrays him and thinks he’s a bit of a joke, it doesn’t mean that they will spend a lot of time thinking about him each day. There is the chance that they will have far more important things to think about. But while this is how some people will be, there are going to be others who are basically obsessed with him. This obsession won’t be fuelled by love, though; it will be fuelled by hate. One Focus A large part of their mental and emotional energy is going to be used thinking about what he is or isn’t doing, and they might spend a lot of time reading articles and watching videos about him. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are wasting their life and that they need to refocus their mind. Instead of putting so much of their time and energy into what they can’t control; they should start putting it into what they can control. Not only would this make them feel better, it would also allow them to have positive effect on the world. A Closer Look After someone has become aware of how destructive it is for them to behave in this way, it might be possible for them to gradually change their behaviour. Then again, they may find that experiencing life in this way is what feels comfortable. Trump will be someone who they can put down in their own mind and when they are around others, which can allow them to feel good about themselves. In their eyes, he will be a worthless human being. Projection What this can then show is that one has disconnected from the parts of themselves that they don’t like, causing them to attribute these parts to Trump. One is then seeing their own shadow/dark side in him, and this is why it causes such a strong reaction in them. But, as they are unaware of the fact that they have disconnected from these parts of themselves and are projecting them onto him, they are unable to realise why their buttons are being pressed. One is then just responding normally to someone who is an idiot and is not playing a part in how they are experiencing life. Conclusion When someone is unable to accept certain feelings or characteristics, they will be split-off and seen in other people. This usually relates to feelings that are too painful for them to tolerate and characteristics that are seen as being bad. If someone is aware of what is going on, they will be able to reclaim what belongs to them and to gradually heal their wounds, thereby allowing them to grow and develop. Without this understanding, one will be too focused on what they have projected onto others to be able to heal themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves or simply wants to feel better than they do, they can end up trying to change one area of their life. At the same time, they may try to change a number of areas of their life.
When this happens, someone is likely to believe that they will feel better about themselves, and that their value as a person will increase, once they have achieved certain things. Therefore, what is going on within them will change by changing what is going on without. The Next Step One could have the desire to transform how they look, which could be seen as something that will take place by going to the gym. In their mind, they may have a clear idea about how they need to look in order to feel more at ease with who they are. So, for a number of hours each week, they will be in the gym working towards their ideal body. Yet even when they are not there, they could still spend hours preparing the right food to eat. Another Route Alternately, one could believe that they will change how they feel as soon as they have the right career or moved to a certain level within their current career. One could come across people who do what they themselves want to do and see how comfortable they are in their own skin. This is then going to give them inspiration to add to their own motivation, thereby allowing them to keep going even if they experience setbacks. Trying to achieve this could end up taking most of their time. The One Then again, one could be convinced that their inner will change as soon as they are in a relationship. They might often see happy couples when they are out, causing them to imagine how good they would feel if they were in the same position. To achieve this outcome, one might end up joining at least one dating app, and they might go to different classes each week. Additionally, they might spend a certain amount of time on their image to make themselves look as good as they can. Two Outcomes After achieving one of the goals above or even all three of them, for instance, one could find that they finally feel good about themselves. The work that they put into one or a number of areas of their life will then have paid off. Conversely, what they may find is that they don’t feel any better, or that they only feel different for a short while. As a result of this, they might end up trying to change another area of their life, seeing this is the final piece of the puzzle. Round in Circles This might work but, then again, they might find that it wasn’t the answer that they were looking for. At this point they could take a step back and reflect on what is going on, or they could find something else to achieve. If they do find something else, their attention will continue to be consumed by what will happen in the future, making it hard for them to embrace the present moment. The present moment will be painful but the future will very different. Running Away One way to look at this approach would be to say that one is trying to cover up how they feel by achieving things. Even so, it’s not as though they will be the only ones on the planet who are trying to do this. This is a common approach in today’s world, and it is not uncommon for self-development material to put forward this idea. It’s as though one can transform their inner world by achieving things. Resistance When this approach is taken, one is trying to avoid how they feel and this is going to take a lot of energy. Along with the feelings that they are trying to avoid, they will also be trying to avoid certain parts of themselves. They won’t like these feelings and they won’t like these parts of themselves, which is why they are trying to get away from them. And, if they don’t want to face these parts of themselves, they most certainly won’t want other people to become aware of them. A Cover Up Let’s say that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their body - it is going to be vital for them to hide it from others. It is then not what other people would say to them that would be the problem; what would be the biggest problem is that what they say would cause one to become aware of their own issues with their own body, and this would be too much for them to handle. If, on the other hand, one felt comfortable with their body and no longer felt the need to hide it, they would no longer experience pressure around others or worry about what others think. This would allow then them to relax and for their true-self to shine through. Inner Harmony Taking this into account, if one no longer felt bad about themselves or had the need to hide certain parts of their nature, it would be possible for them to feel good without needing to achieve anything and to settle down around others. They will have come to accept who they are, no longer being concerned about who they are not or what they don’t have. Though accepting themselves, they won’t care about whether or not other people accept them. This will allow them to fully show up and to no longer hide who the really are around others. Awareness What this shows is that it takes a lot of effort and energy to wear a mask; effort and energy that could be used more constructively. If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves and has rejected different parts of their being, it can be hard for them to understand how their life could be any different. Fortunately, how they experience life can change through working through their own baggage. There is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma, and that this is what is making it hard for them to feel good and to be able to accept themselves. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, they can gradually begin to work through the layers of trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Problems: Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Have Mental/Emotional Problems?13/10/2018
In recent years, there has been an ever increasing focus on mental and emotional health, and this can be seen as a good thing. For so long, this was something that was brushed under the carpet.
Nowadays, this is something that is spoken about in the media and people talk openly about what is going on for them on social media. So, as there is less pressure on people to hide how they feel and to look as though they have it all together, it is a lot easier for someone to open up and to share what is going on for them. Assistance If someone is in a bad way, and they decide to reach out for support, there are help lines, counsellors and different types of medications available. But, simply expressing what is going on to them to a friend or a family member, for instance, might be more than enough. And, what this comes down to is that human beings are not independent; they are interdependent. This is why it is so important for someone to open up and to share their load, so to speak, with others. A Cultural Flaw A belief that is deeply rooted in the west is that people are independent, but this is nothing more than an illusion. This is something that can become perfectly clear when someone is not in a good way and needs to open up to another person. Even so, if someone has been conditioned to believe that they are independent and that they should do everything by themselves, they can end up feeling weak for needing help. Fortunately, this conditioning won’t have been strong enough to stop them from reaching out. Two Scenarios Someone like this may have ended up in a bad way recently, or they may have been this way for a very long time. When it comes to the former, they may have soon realised that something wasn’t right and sought hep soon after. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, they may have gradually become used to what was going on for them. This, along with the shame that they experienced through having problems, may have been what caused them to suffer in silence for so long. A Big Factor What this illiterates is how powerful shame is, and how it can cause someone to become their own prisoner. With too much shame, someone’s primary aim will be to protect their own image and to make sure that they are not ostracised. It then won’t matter if they have mental and emotional problem as their need to protect themselves will take precedence. In this case, someone would need to understand that they won’t be end up being abandoned if they open up; but if another person was to turn their back on them, it wouldn’t have anything to do with their value as a person. Its Black and White However, regardless of whether someone has been able to reach out after suffering for years or only suffered for a little while, it will be clear that they wanted to change their life. Someone would have fought a long battle with themselves or it would have been a very short encounter. Shame is then something that has the potential to hold someone back, yet it is not necessarily something that will cause someone to completely surrender to their suffering and to accept it. At the same time, just because someone is consciously resisting what is going on for them; it doesn’t mean that another part of them doesn’t feel comfortable with it. Hidden or Out In The open What this means is that a small part of them will want to change their life but an even bigger part of them will have come to feel comfortable with suffering. This can sound like a ludicrous idea, especially if someone is not familiar with the nature of the unconscious mind. Therefore, irrespective of whether someone is suffering in silence or reaching out for assistance, they can still have a strong attachment to their pain. Due to how long they have been this way for, this pain can be a big part of their identity. Inner Conflict Someone can then be in a lot of pain and even reach out to others, creating the impression that they want to change their life, but another part of them won’t want their life to change. What this comes down to is that the unconscious mind associates what is familiar with what is safe, meaning that it doesn’t care about whether something is healthy or feels good. For example, someone could be used to feeling down, powerless, hopeless, helpless or worthless, and feeling this way could be what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Not only this, through feeling this way for so long, it could play a big part in how they see themselves. Being Empowered With this understanding, someone will be able to look into what is taking place at a deeper level, to work through it, and to embrace their inherent power and worth. Without this understanding, someone can end up feeling like a victim. It will then be as though they want to change but something (or someone) is holding them back. How they feel as an adult might match up with how they felt throughout their childhood years, which may mean that they don’t know what it is like to experience life differently. Awareness What this emphasises is that it is not always going to be possible for someone to change even if they say that they want to - there is a lot more to it. So, if someone’s whole identity is built around them having mental and emotional problems, and this allows them to receive attention and approval, for instance, letting go of this identity will be tantamount to death to their ego mind. In order for them to redefine themselves, it will take patience and persistence, and they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. There is the chance that they are carrying many layers of trauma that will need to be worked through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone has an elevated view of themselves, it can be normal for other people to see them as deluded. This person is simply going to be another human being, but they will create the impression that they are different.
It can be as though they are from another planet, with this being somewhere where superior beings live. Most, if not all, of the people who live on the earth are then going to be less-than them. The Common Thread There are probably thousands of people on the earth who have this view, but they will all have the same thing in common. It is then not going to matter if someone like this doesn’t belong to movement, for instance, as the view that they have of themselves will connect them to these people. Yet, if they were all put in the same room together, it doesn’t mean that any of them would realise what they have in common. Each person would probably perceive the others as being no different to how they perceive the people in their day-to-day life. Two Types When someone sees themselves in this way, they can be in a position of power or they can have a fairly normal job. If someone has a high powered job, this can validate the view that they have of themselves. But, even if someone doesn’t have a job like this, it is not going to affect the idea that they have of themselves. This part of their life can be overlooked by them or seen as being just a stepping stone, for instance. No Reason Although someone like this could come up with a reason why they are better than others, they won’t need to. Who they are, not what they do, will be what makes them better than others. Therefore, they won’t need to be someone who is supremely successful in a material sense; their mere existence will be enough to prove that this is so. This will take away a lot of pressure and it will allow them to rationalise why they haven’t achieved certain things. At The Root At some point in this person’s life, it is highly likely that they were made to feel as though they were completely worthless. This could have been how their mother/father made them feel not once, but on a regular basis as a child. Disconnecting from what was taking place in their body (where their true-self is) and creating an identity in their head (where their false-self is) would then have been a way for them to handle this pain. Thanks to the minds dual nature, being in their head would have allowed them to go from one extreme to another – from being less-than others, to being more-than others. A Slightly Different Scenario While this is how someone can be when they are an individual and are not part of a group, for instance, it doesn’t mean that this is always the case. What can also take place is that someone can be this way if they are religious. Ergo, irrespective of what religion they are part of, they will believe that this makes them superior to the people who are not religious or those that are part of another religion. This may mean that one makes this perfectly clear, or they could do what they can do make sure that other people don’t realise this. Hidden From Sight When this happens, someone like this could do what they can to undermine the people who are not part of their religion. But, due to how they do this, the average person will be totally oblivious to what is taking place behind the scenes. And, while this is going on, someone like this could even make out that they are being oppressed or victimised by others. This will take the spotlight away from what they are doing, allowing them to carry on as normal. The Sensible Approach If someone believes that being part of a certain religion makes them better, and they want to undermine people from other religions or even whole societies, it is going to be far better for them to keep this to themselves and the people who are the same as them. Talking about this openly is only going to create problems; problems that will stop them from achieving their plans. The problem that people like this have in today’s world is that it is a lot harder for them to hide their true intentions. Still, search engines and social media sites like to control what people can and can’t see, so this makes it harder for people to get hold of certain information. A Big Difference When a whole group of people have a superiority complex, it is not going to be the same as when Individuals have this outlook. In the first case, these people are going to be working together, but when it comes to the second case, these people are not going to be. So, while an Individual will can harm the people who they come into contact with, a whole group of people could destroy a society, for instance. It won’t matter that these people are their fellow human beings; what will matter is that they are not part of their religion/tribe. The Key Time It is unlikely that someone like this was born this way, yet that doesn’t mean that what was passed down to them ancestrally didn’t have an effect. What may have played the biggest part was how their caregivers spoke about people who didn’t belong to the same religion, how they spoke to them, and how their caregivers spoke to each other and other family members during their early years. When this took place, one wouldn’t have been made to feel worthless by their caregivers; they would have been falsely empowered by them. Their caregivers, along with other people who were around at this time, would have set them up to be deluded. Set In Stone The years would then have passed and what they were told by these people would have gradually defined how they saw themselves and others. The seeds that were planted in their mind would have firmly taken route. It is then not simply going to be something that they were told and have come to believe; it will be the ultimate truth. Their whole world is then going to be filtered through what they were told by other people. Conclusion If someone experienced this kind of abuse as a child, it is hard to say if they will ever be able to see what took place and realise that they are not special or better than certain people. It can all depend on if they are able to detach from the identity they have created and to get back in touch with their true essence. If they are able to get underneath the identity that they have created, and to embrace their true feelings, they may find that they end up feeling worthless. This can come down to the fact that their true-self was overlooked during their early years, which would have caused them to believe that there was something wrong with them. The same thing most likely happened to their caregivers, with this type of abuse being something that has taken place for many, many generations. But, until someone wakes up and is no longer willing to play a role that was assigned to them at birth, this pattern is likely to continue.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that a house will need strong foundations, a human being will also need strong foundations. When strong foundations are laid down for a house, this part will be strong enough to handle the other levels that are added, and, when it comes to a human being, strong foundations will be what enable them to grow and develop in the right way.
However, what can stop a house from being built in this way is if it is built by people who don’t know what they are doing. It then won’t matter if the rest of the house is right, as the most important part won’t be. A Similar Scenario If a human being doesn’t have strong foundations, it is likely to show that their caregivers didn’t know what they were doing during the beginning of their life. What took place at this time would then have stopped this from taking place. The trouble is that even though this can lead to all kinds of challenges, it doesn’t mean that someone will be able to connect the dots, so to speak, and to see how their childhood years are affecting their adult years. Even so, they are likely to be only too aware of the symptoms. A Living Hell To say that their caregivers didn’t know what they were doing might be an understatement, as it could have been as if they did everything they could to make their life a misery. This would then have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Therefore, instead of being able to let go and to trust the people around them, someone like this would have needed to be on guard at all times. The people who were supposed to love and care for them would then have the people who they had to look out for. On The Inside What was going on outside their home wouldn’t have been their main concern; their main concern would have been what was taking place behind closed doors. But, while this was abuse, it would have most likely become what was normal. And, even if they did come to see that something wasn’t right, the fear of what might happen if they did open up about it would have kept them quiet. Along with this, due to being egocentric at this time in their life, one may have come to believe that the reason they were treated this way was due to how flawed they were. Trapped Ultimately, this would have been a time when they would have experienced immense pressure and stress, and this is precisely what they didn’t need to experience at this age. At an age when they were not very resourceful, they would have experienced things that would have been hard for an adult to handle, let alone a small child. The years would then have gone by and one would have done their best to act like an adult, even though deep within them was a deeply traumatised child (children). What they could find - as a result of not being able to develop a sense of safety and security - is that they find it hard to connect to their body. Disconnected This could mean that they spend most of their life in their head, and they may even have the tendency to dissociate from themselves. Connecting to their feelings and needs is then going to be a challenge. Through not having a strong connection to their body, it may also mean that they rarely reveal their true-self. Behaving how other people want them to (and how they think they want them to), is going to be what feels safe. Its Missing Without an inner sense of safety and security, it is not going to be possible for them to be themselves and to express their true-self. It is going feel far too dangerous for them to assert themselves. And, through having so much going on in their body, it is going to be just as much of a challenge for them to stay in there - popping out of it will be what feels safe. Still, getting back in their body and feeling safe is not something that will happen through force. Blocked One way of looking at this would be to say that their root/base chakra didn’t get the chance to develop in the right way and this is what is stopping the rest of their chakras from functioning in the right way. The energy that comes up through the earth, through their root chakra and energises the rest of their chakras is unable to get through. Regardless of whether one resonates with the chakra system or not, what is clear is that feeling safe and secure is vital when it comes to living a fulfilling life. The only way that they will reveal who they really are is if they feel safe enough to do so. Mother Nature Spending time in nature is going to be an essential part of developing a sense of safety and security. Whether someone goes into the woods, a forest or into a field, for instance, this is going to be somewhere where they will have the chance to just be and to relax. And, if they are in tune with the earth, they might even be able to receive the support, love and nurturing that the earth provides. What can stop this from taking place is if one believes that these are things that can only be provided by human beings and is not in tune with the more subtle energies of life. Re-Rooting Another part of this will be for one to practice something that will gradually allow them to re-anchor themselves in their body, and there are a number of things that can help with this. Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qi Gong, are all of these things can help one to get into their body and to release stuck energy. Walking barefoot is another way for one to reconnect to the earth and to feel more grounded and embodied in the process. This might sound a bit airy fairy, but the best thing will be for one to give it a go and to see how they get on. Awareness What is going to be equally as important as spending time in nature and having some kind of practise that one can use to ground themselves, will be to work though the trauma that is within them. Somatic experiencing and TRE are two tools that can assist one in this process. There are, of course, plenty of other things that someone can to do gradually develop an inner sense of safety and security but, no matter what approach is taken, it will be vital for them to be patient and persistent. They didn’t end up this way overnight and they certainly won’t transform their life overnight either.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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