When something is new or different it is often seen as better than what one has and as something that one can look forward to owning or experiencing. Once something has become ‘old’ and one is familiar with it, its effects usually lessen. So what was engaging and interesting at one point in time, soon becomes boring and even ignored as time passes by. And the modern day world reflects this dynamic perfectly. This has lead to what has been described as ‘the throwaway society’. The days where people used something until it was worn about and not longer usable are not as common. This may not apply to some people or in certain circumstances, but it is often the exception. It is no longer a question of something being out of use or no longer having a purpose before one gets another. All that matters is that one has it and now has the urge to get a newer version or just a new one. Intellectually, this may simply be put down to boredom and that one does this to experience more excitement in their life. This could partly be the case, but what it doesn’t go into is what is taking place at a deeper level. Consumerism One of the biggest areas this applies to is consumerism. So here one can buy new clothes once they are bored with the ones they have and get rid of the old ones somehow. These clothes don’t need to have worn out or to no longer fit. They could then be given to friends, family or a charity shop; so something productive could come out of it. Fashion promotes this attitude; with clothes coming in and then out of fashion relatively quickly. Phones are another common area and new versions are being made all the time to keep up with the demand and to keep the demand high. Additional features on new phones are often minimal and so aesthetic changes are made to maintain and increase interest. And as well as these two examples, it can also relate to: cars, televisions, computers, furniture, jewellery and many others things. However, this approach is not only seen when it comes to inanimate objects or technology; it can also be seen in relationships. Relationships At times a relationship will be going fine and running smoothly; just like driving a new car. And then will also be other times when it won’t; just like a car that is having a few problems. But this is part of life and not something that one should try to avoid or remove from their life completely. And yet just how clothes are thrown away after a certain time, relationships are often facing the same consequences. They are not always seen as having good and bad times; they are often expected to be good all of the time. So once some kind of conflict arises, the relationship then comes to an end. And another person is soon found to create the good times once more. This doesn’t mean that one should stay in relationships that are abusive; it means that relationships will have challenges from time to time. Throwaway Culture It is then not something that only is seen consumerism; it is a way of being and a state of mind. And something that can exist without one having to think too much about what is happening and what is not. This then becomes a natural way of life and as it is so normal, one is unlikely to reflect on what the consequences may be. As this is so common and society is built on this approach, there is not much of a contrast available that will enable one to see how destructive it can be. Alternate Views If someone is in touch with themselves and questions life they will be able see that something is not right. As well as people who are from different cultures and who are more connected to the earth. Each one of of lives on a planet with finite resources and so this way of life is not natural or sustainable. This doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t buy new clothes or embrace what the world has to offer. What it does mean is that a new approach is needed and one that takes into account how the earth works. Recycling is also imperative and something that can’t be overlooked. Causes There is going to be all kinds of reason as to why today’s society is like it is. And something that at least supports this way of life, if not created it, is the avoidance of emotional pain. In this instance, these external objects and even people, are being used to regulate how one feels and as soon as their affect wears off, another thing is needed to change how one feels. Pain is then kept at bay for a while and as soon as it appears once more, another thing is needed to push it down again. One can then up in an addiction cycle that causes them to lose all self control. This way of life can also cause one to come to the conclusion that nothing has any real value; everything is then disposable and worthless. Emotions If there was a greater awareness and understanding of emotions in today’s world, perhaps the throwaway society wouldn’t exist or be a lot less severe. So instead of people looking outside for ways to deal with their emotional pain and using external options, they would deal with them in a more direct way. This could be through one being able to regulate their own emotions and when this is not possible, seeking support through friends or by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. And if one didn’t learn how to regulate their emotions in childhood, then the education system would provide an education in how emotions work.
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To be human means that one has needs and these cover a wide range of different areas. For instance, one has: physical, mental and emotional needs. And although each of these are important when it comes to experiencing a level of wellbeing and a sense of fulfilment, it doesn’t mean that one will have all of these needs met. If one didn’t have their physical needs met their time on this earth would soon come to an end. These are essential and create the foundations of ones life. But while having these needs met is of the upmost importance to ones survival, what they won’t do is lead to happiness and fulfilment. To be in a position where one has not eaten for a few hours or a whole day will result in one having the monetary experience of being happy and fulfilled. This is the exception though and this is not how one is going to feel when they receive food on a regular basis. This can be seen in the west; where people are often filled right up when it comes to food and yet a sense of fulfilment is often lacking. So clearly getting ones physical needs met is not enough when it comes to a fulfilling life. Compensation In some cases, when one doesn’t feel fulfilled in other areas or what is often described as ones higher needs that are further up their body, they can resort to comfort eating. Here, one eats food not because they are hungry; it is because their other needs are not being met. This can also relate to another physical need: exercise. To take part in some kind of activity that engages the body is another important need. This could be utilized in balance way or in shorter cycles that are more intense and focused. Each one of us is different and therefore will not only be able to handle different levels of intensity, but will also need to experience more than others to achieve a sense of satisfaction. And just like the need for food, when ones others needs are not being met, exercise can also be used to compensate for other neglected needs. Mental Needs This is something that is generally not too difficult to fulfil in the west. In most cases people go to school and then onto college and or university. Then there are newspapers, books and the primary source of information for a lot of people – the internet. So for the individual that is highly or even just slightly curious, today’s world is perfect. With the help of the internet, information is at most people’s finger tips. What used to be available to only a select few is now available to anyone who is interested. In the past the desire was there, but the information wasn’t and now this is no longer true. While ones mental needs are important, there are plenty of people in the world who have access to all kinds of knowledge and who are incredibly intelligent and yet they are not happy or fulfilled. They could have degrees, PhDs and own the highest qualifications known to man and yet they still feel as though something is missing. One Approach This could lead one to assuming that they need to learn more and that more information will fill this whole. Or as described above, one could end up eating more food to try and find the answers. And then there is exercise and one might decide that using their body to the limits will supply the missing piece of the puzzle. Others options that one can chose are drugs and alcohol. Not only will these affect ones physical body, they will also impact their mental and emotional sides. The main reason people take these is to change their emotional experience. Food and exercise also allow one to change how they feel, albeit momentarily. Learning something new and gaining knowledge can shape how one feels. Emotional Needs So underneath the actions that one takes in their life is an emotional driver. The body needs food to survive and when one eats they end up feeling all kinds of emotions. Emotions are as much a part of life as breathing is. However, in today’s world, they are generally ignored and denied. The emotional needs that play a big part someone’s wellbeing and fulfilment are then overlooked. This can cause one to overcompensate in other areas of their life as a way to indirectly meet their emotional needs. And these emotional needs could relate to what one is not currently receiving in their life and to what they didn’t receive as a child. What one didn’t get as a child is likely to be brought forward to their adult years; unless they have healed this early neglect through a relationship or some kind of therapy. These can be the need to feel: loved, accepted, secure, appreciated and approved of, worthy, safe and heard, amongst others. Examples So while one could heal this early neglect and move on from what took place when they were younger, this doesn’t always take place. Instead, one can end up using the pain of not having them met in ways that can lead to destruction and even success. One could: comfort eat, over exercise, take drugs, have sex, go from one relationship to another and drink alcohol. This behaviour could mean that they are labelled as addicts. This is a form in inner violence and other people could choose more external means. Here, one could engage in violence, and crime. Or one could use this pain and become highly successful in a certain area or even many areas of their life. This enables them to escape from the feeling of emptiness within. Grieving Unmet Needs For as long as these unmet childhood needs are within someone, it will be more of less impossible for anything external to truly change how they feel. They might provide short term relief, but that will be it. One might get caught in cycle and as the artificial fulfilment has worn off, find something else to achieve it once more. One is ultimately going round in circles and is fighting a battle that cannot be won. Addictions can be blamed, but they are often being used to regulate the pain of not having ones early needs met. So all these external things are simply consequences of what is going on within. As an adult, one can have others meet certain needs, but what they can’t do is give one exactly what they didn’t receive from their childhood years. Trying to find someone to completely fulfil these unmet needs as an adult will only lead to further pain and suffering in the long run. Awareness Not having these needs met would have created emotional pain when one was a child, and this pain will need to be faced and released as an adult. As this takes place, the inner abyss will disappear and one will feel less needy. They will also begin to realise the needs that other people can meet and what needs they can’t. One is not trying to change what happened many years ago; they are letting go of the trapped feeling and emotions that have remained in their body ever since. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them.
When it comes to dynamics in relationships that cause problems and a fair amount of frustration, there are two common patterns of behaviour. One of those is when one is attracted to people who are unavailable. So they desire to be another person and yet continually end up being attracted to people who are not there for them. This is going to create one set of challenges, and what will create another is when one attracts people who are needy. Here, one will end up attracting people who want so much and more than they can or are prepared to give. And while there can be other relationship challenges that people can have, these two are very common in today’s world. Therefore if one has faced these challenges in their own life or still is, it is not something that should be taken to heart. The Current State It is just a reflection of where society is in general and not simply limited to a few individuals here and there. Numerous people on this planet are going through the same challenges at this time. When one has a problem in their life, it is easy to come to the conclusion that they are the only ones who have it. And this can cause one to feel victimised and hard done by. When in reality, it is not limited to them and something other people are also trying to handle. Realising this can make it easier and stop one from feeling added pressure and stress. Needy When one has a pattern of attracting people who are unavailable for instance, it doesn’t mean that this is the case on the odd occasion. It is going to be a way of life for them and due to this, one has a reason to feel aggravated. And if one has a pattern of attracting people who are needy, it is not that these people have needs that are the problem. Everyone on this planet has needs and that is not something to feel ashamed of or weak. This is a natural part of being human and this can’t be changed or removed. But there is a clear difference between someone who has needs and someone who is needy. Behaviour This is likely to cause someone to behave in ways that are overwhelming; cause one to feel smothered and trapped for example. And even though one could go along with this for a while or have set times when they do, it won’t be enough for this person. Their neediness will never end, no matter how much one gives into it. These needs are insatiable and unable to be met by another human being. At first, one might appreciate this kind of behaviour and feel loved, valued and important. However, as time goes by, what was enjoyable soon becomes frustrating and annoying. And if this type of behaviour doesn’t appear from the beginning, then it could come out once they feel comfortable enough to reveal this part of themselves. Examples There is going to be all kinds of ways that another’s neediness can appear and some of these will be subtle, while others will be highly visible. This could range from them wanting to see one all the time, constantly messaging or calling and basically not wanting one to leave from their sight. These are just a few examples and there are inevitably going to be many others. But regardless of what a person does who is needy, they are going to cause one to feel compromised and even smothered. A Deeper Look On one side there is someone who is needy and it is clear that they have some work to do on themselves. They are acting in ways that are similar to how a baby would behave around their primary caregiver. To ignore their physical age and to focus on their level of emotional development would soon show that they haven’t grown up. But while it can seem as though one person is superior to another here and that one is more evolved, this is often far from the truth. Relationships are symbiotic and therefore if one person has issues, the other person also does. If there wasn’t a match somewhere they wouldn’t have been drawn together. Adaptive Behaviour What stops this from being realised is when one person is caught up in their history and the other has created different coping mechanism and adaptive behaviour to create the illusion of having no problems. The Disconnection And when one has a pattern of attracting needy people into their life, there is a good chance that this person has rejected and denied their needy side. The other person is fully embracing their needy side and this person has become disconnected from it. The reason why one is so affected by this behaviour is because it reminds them of their own needy side. This is likely to be a side that they feel shamed of for having and would feel incredibly vulnerable should they show it. So these people are messengers and are mirroring back what one has covered up and neglected for so long. Whilst the other person needs to become more self-reliant, it is likely that one needs to become more interdependent. Looking Within Until one looks within and faces their needy side, they will continue to be attracted to and attract people who are needy. One may have learnt at a very early age that having needs was not safe and so they have spent the rest of their life pretending that they don’t have any. If they were to get in touch with these needs as an adult, they could end up feeling out of control and overwhelmed by them. This can be the result of one having trapped emotions and feelings that started to build up when they were a baby and continued throughout their childhood and adult years. One could also switch between being needless or needy depending on the situation. Awareness Needs are not something to feel ashamed of for having or that one is less than for having them. If one has trouble not only admitting to others but also themselves that they have needs, then it might be necessary to seek some kind of assistance. This could be through reading certain books, to receiving coaching or to having therapy or healing. If one has trapped feelings and emotions from when they were younger, then it might be necessary to work with a therapist or a healer to release them.
Life is constantly changing and never stays the same. But while this is the truth about reality, it doesn’t mean that letting go and going with the flow of life is necessarily easy or straightforward. The outer world is constantly changing and transforming, and yet the inner world and what is going on within someone can create resistance to this. And when this happens and there is a resistance to what is taking place, life can become a real challenge. One is then out of alignment and no longer present and responding to life in real time. It has been said that the present moment is all there is and that the past and the future are nothing more than an illusion. But when one doesn’t let go, they are stuck in the past or thinking about a future that would be better. So the present moment can then end up being lost and wasted as a result. What happened a few weeks ago or even a few years ago is consuming ones present moment; which is the only moment where one has a sense of power. There is no way for one to change what happened in the past, unless they had a time machine. But at this time of writing they don’t exist and even if they did exist, going back into the past may lead to further challenges. Just Let Go It is not uncommon to hear someone say ‘just let go’ and while this can sound completely appropriate, it is not always this easy. And just because someone knows that they need to let go intellectual, it doesn’t mean that letting go emotionally is easy. The intellect is one thing and this responds in a certain way. When it comes to ones emotions or what is often called their emotional body, a completely different approach is often required. The Body And The Mind Whereas the mind is more of a doer and does things through force and action, the emotional body is more or less the opposite to this. To change ones thinking, one must think differently and see differently. That’s how the mind is changed and so just ‘letting go’ is the language of the intellect. When it comes to the emotional body, action and force is not how it works. In order to let go and change how one feels, one needs to embrace and be with their emotions. Through this process they will gradually disappear. There is no force or action required, it is a being and not a doing. So the words ‘just let go’ is often seen as a foreign language to the body. Consequences One could hear this saying and be at a point in their life where it is possible for them to ‘just let go’ and all could be well. However, the opposite could also be true and one could end up feeling far worse. This could cause one to feel weak and that they lack something that others have. They might even end up feeling guilty for holding onto the past and not moving on with their life. The reactions one gets can all depend on how emotionally aware the people are who they surround themselves with. And as emotions are typically overlooked and denied in today’s world, avoiding them at all costs is the norm. It is then not so much that ‘just letting go’ works for people, as it is that it allows them to escape from how they truly feel. The Battle One could end up in a battle between their head and their body. With the knowledge that they should let go and that this is what they need to do on one side. And on the other side will be a body that is full of emotions and therefore desperately wants to be listened to. This resistance is going to be natural based on a least to two possible reasons. If one has been taught that they should just let go, then they won’t want to get in touch with how they feel. To do this is going to be seen as a distraction and what will sabotage them from letting go. And the other is if they have not developed a healthy relationship to their emotions. If one feels uncomfortable with them, it will be natural to have very little if any connection to them. Emotional Beings Each situation that one has in their life causes emotions and some create more than others. And when these emotions are allowed to flow, one will remain in the present. If this doesn’t happen, their attention will end up getting caught in the past. The mind can end up creating thoughts and beliefs based on these feelings, but at the root of it all, it’s about the emotional experience that one had. So one could let go of their thoughts or beliefs about what took place, but if the feelings that were caused by what took place have not released as well, it won’t make much difference. Trapped Emotions A clear example of this is when one experiences some kind of traumatic event or an accumulation of minor events that are just as traumatic. When trauma is experienced, one can end up not going through the complete emotional experience. So they end up staying stuck in a feeling cycle that was unable to be completed. One can then end up losing touch with these feelings to protect themselves and even end up living in their head as a result. This is done for protection and not something that one should feel ashamed of for doing. And all the time these emotions and feelings are trapped in one’s body, their attention is going to be brought back to the past in some way. It is the emotional charge that is causing one to do this. Awareness So once these trapped feelings and emotions have been released, the emotional charge of the event will go and letting go will be a natural consequence. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them.
There are many things that are part of the human experience, and pain is one of them. Pain can come in many different forms and is not limited to one form. This can be: physical mental and emotional. On one side it can be seen as nothing more than a problem and something that one must try to remove at all costs. It has even been said that in this day and age with the way the world is ‘advancing’, that all pain should be removed from the human experience. And how this would not only be the next stage, it would also be what is ethical. For some people, this outlook is going to sound like the next advancement in human evolution; especially if they have or are experiencing some kind of prolonged pain. This is understandable, as no one in their right mind would want to live a life that is full of pain. More so if the pain cannot be removed and is a constant thorn in ones side. Even the strongest of characters are going to be pushed to the limit when it comes to experiencing pain on a continual basis. The Average Person Fortunately, being in place of constant pain is often the exception and not the rule for the majority of people. But that doesn’t mean that on average, people’s experience of pain is fairly moderate. Physically one might be fairly pain free, and yet emotionally or mentally it could be a completely different story altogether. Here, one could be living a life that is either extremely painful from time to time, or what could be described as moderate and even manageable pain. Pleasure And Pain Most things in life can be seen as having the potential to cause pleasure or pain. And yet if one moved away from this duality, it becomes clear that some things can simply be neutral. The average day of someone’s life is going to include moments that are pleasure and moments that are painful. If one only experienced pleasure, it would not only become boring after a while, it would also start to become painful. What made one feel good at first would soon lose its impact and at the very least, some kind of irritation or unrest would soon appear. Benefits So while pleasure is wonderful to experience, it is only this way through one being able to experience pain. One supports the other and without one side of the coin, the other wouldn’t be possible. And so pain has many benefits to ones existence. These relate to one surviving and thriving on this planet. A very basic example is of one putting their hand near a fire or something that is hot. The pain that arises will cause them to move their hand away very quickly; without the pain to alert them to the danger, they would burn their arm. Success When it comes to someone thriving on this planet or becoming a success, it is very often the result of one using their pain to propel them forward. To take the steps that they need to take to achieve their dreams. In many cases, if it wasn’t for the sense of pain that they were feeling and in some instances this will be extreme pain, then they wouldn’t bother doing anything. It is not that their life was pleasurable that motivated them; it was due to the pain that they were experiencing. Contrast And very often, this pain is the result of the contrast that has been formed in their mind. As a result of where they want to be, where they are is causing them intense pain. So they use this pain to gradually close the gap. In this sense, pain is their friend and not their enemy It is not something that controls them, but something they use to achieve what they need and want. This doesn’t mean that their power never gets the better of them or is always under control, but it does mean that they do their best to utilize it to their advantage. The Trap So while channelling ones pain into the pursuit of their dreams can sound fairly simply, there are many things that can sabotage this painful force. And they are all the result of one settling for pleasure or some kind of short term relief. Instead of this pain gradually building and only settling down once one achieves what they desire; it becomes momentarily or completely neutralized. And the power that would enable one to move on in life is then being wasted and one is liable to remain stuck and even regress. Options Society offers plenty of choices for one to numb their pain and while their life is unlikely to improve as consequence of this, they will experience pleasure. In this way, nothing really changed apart from the pain being removed. These can include: alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping and exercise. A Metaphor It’s like being in a relationship that is unhealthy and yet through becoming cut off from the pain, one starts to feel comfortable with it. So not only is one becoming cut off from their true feelings about the situation, it could also end up getting a lot worse. The Messenger It can easily become a habit to remove pain and to experience pleasure or nothing at all. But what pain is often doing is informing someone about something that is not right. It could mean that one needs to take a deeper look at something. If ones arm did end up near something hot and one felt pain, it would be a clear sign that evasive action needs to be taken. One would not keep their arm there and try to remove the pain. To do this would cause their arm to burn and after a while, they could lose it. And when it comes to the consequences of avoiding pain in one’s personal life, it could take a while for one to see the damage that is occurring.
Control is something that everyone not only wants, but needs to a certain degree. To have no control would make life a real challenge and could make one question their will to live. This doesn’t mean that the control in question here is the control of others. The type of control this relates to is self control and having the ability to decide what one will or won’t do. To have control over others is one thing, and it is something very different to have it over oneself. Control is a vital part of life; the defining factor is the kind of control that someone is motivated by. If one chooses self control then they will be seen in one way and if they chose control over others, then they will be seen in another way. Good And Bad It’s the difference between being a labelled as a ‘good’ human being and being labelled as a ‘bad’ human being. And yet beyond these labels is a human being and as human beings we contain these so called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ elements. Some people have realised one and the other remains nothing more than a potential. Although one person is exercising self control and the other is trying to control others, inherently they are more or less the same. The primary distinction is often due to the kind of people that they have been around from the moment they were born. Different Degrees And even though someone is not extremely controlling in their personal or business life or a dictator of a country for instance, it doesn’t mean that they don’t need to experience a certain amount of control. The need will be there, it will just be a more balanced need. It won’t be something that has possessed them and ended up taking complete control of their ability question whether it is right or wrong. What they will do is exercise control in a way that is generally functional and doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. Self Control This could be the result of them having a healthy level of self control. Here, one is in control of not only their physical body, they are also in control of their mental and emotional sides. And from this inner control, they are able to let go and trust in the process of life without the need to control others. One is not necessarily always responding to life in this way, as they are only human and there is inevitable going to be moments when they will lose this ability. Being human means that we are not perfect and to aspire to be would not only be a waste of time, it would also be impossible. So this person would go about getting what they wanted through agreements and mutual consent. And their behaviour would be a choice and seldom reactive. Their words would also be thought out and chosen carefully. Control Of Others When someone has the need to control others and therefore does control them or least tries to, inner control is not going to be something they are familiar with. Now this could relate to someone who is a leader of a country or it could relate to someone who is controlling in all areas of their personal life or just a certain area. They may have control of their body, but what they won’t necessarily have is emotional control and therefore their mind is likely to be out of control as a consequence. There is unlikely to be a sense of trust in life or that life will work out for them without being controlling. Separation It could be that they feel separate from life and in order to connect to it, they need to control everything or just some things. So instead of receiving things through being in resonance with what they seek and realising there is no separation, they try to get things through control; as a result of feeling cut off from what they want or need. How they feel is causing them to see life in a certain way and to experience life as something that is out of their control. Because although one may be seen as someone who likes to control people, at a deeper level they are trying to control how they feel. And so although people will be involved, they just allow one to regulate how they feel. A Reflection If one feels completely out of control within, then they will need to exercises more control without. And if it is not this extreme, then the outer control will not be as extreme. The outer will always reflect what is going on within and what makes this difficult to realise is that one cannot directly look inside another human being. What they can do is observe how they behave and how they don’t behave. So the more emotional baggage or weight they are carrying, the more they will need to use control in their life. This will apply to: people, situations and outcomes. But the more controlling one is, the more attached they will become. And this very attachment can end up pushing what they seek even further away. Trapped Emotions These emotions could have built up since one was a baby and go onto include what has happened in their adult life. And as a result of them staying trapped in one’s body, they have taken over and are defining how they feel or don’t feel. A bit like a parasite that comes in unnoticed. At first one might sense that something is not right, but as time passes, they can forget how things were and think that how they feel is normal. Awareness To have self control one will need to release the emotions and feelings that have built up in their body. It will then be possible for one to gradually settle down within and to find their centre. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or healer who will allow one to face them and to gradually release them as a result.
Many names have been used over the years when it comes to describing that part of someone that is not real or authentic. And one of those names is the false self and many others have also been used such as: the mask that someone wears, the pseudo self and adaptive behaviour for instance. These descriptions and many others describe what has been formed on top of the real or true self. But, there is also opposition out there to the true self; with some people taking the position that no such thing exists. And this point of view is supported by the outlook that people are constantly changing and how their behaviour can change depending on the environment. The Illusion So through these changes taking place in ways that are seemingly insignificant and sometimes significant, the true self is seen as an illusion. And yet if someone is looking for something within that is fixed and never changes, then yes, the true self is surely going to be seen as nothing more than a phrase that sounds good. This could the mean that a false self doesn’t exist either, and that one is simply behaving in ways that they have chosen. In this case, human beings would be nothing more than machines that have nothing going on within and are completely dependent on what the external world expects of them. And while one is going to be influenced by what is going on in the external world and by the people that they associate with, it doesn’t mean that they are therefore a blank slate within. Changeable Everything on this planet is in a constant state of change and nothing ever stays the same. And the true self is not something that is always the same and unaffected by life. How someone saw themselves at age twelve is generally going to be different to how they see themselves when they are or were twenty two. This is to be expected and is a sign that they have grown and developed as a human being. However, just because someone can look back on their life and see that they have changed, it doesn’t mean that this change reflects what is true for them. It could be an identity that they have become accustomed to and one that gains the approval and acceptance of others. Or it could be one that leads to their innermost needs and wants being fulfilled in most cases. True Self Here, one would act in ways that lead to them getting their needs and wants met. And these needs and wants are inevitably going to change over time and this means that how one defines their true self will also change. It would also lead to one generally having people in their life who mirror how they see themselves. So some relationships that one has are going to last for a long time and others are going to burn out before too long. One perspective is that this is down to a lack of loyalty or that one is unstable. But from another point of view, it could simply show that how one sees themselves has now changed and as a result of this, the relationship no longer validates who they are. So as the other person has stayed the same, one no longer feels the same connection. Comfortable And just because someone doesn’t change externally, it doesn’t mean that their identity is causing them to be happy and fulfilled in life. So they could have the same friends for years or not change how they come across and yet this could be nothing more than a mask. The roles they play have become so familiar and comfortable that they have come to the conclusion that it is who they really are. But while these roles may feel comfortable and a safe way to live, they are nothing more than a false self. False Self So if the true self is the result of one listening to their wants, needs, desires and preferences for instance, then the false self would be the opposite of this. Ones point of focus would be on the external world and in doing what would lead to gaining the acceptance of others. Their point of focus would be on pleasing other people and making sure they didn’t step out of line. And this doesn’t have to relate to strangers and people that one doesn’t know very well, it is also going to includes ones friends, family and acquaintances. What is going on in their body could be a mystery, with their attention being stuck in their head. So their focus is then not on the inner world and what is true for them, it is on the outer world and what is true for others. Or what they think other people expect from them. Trapped Emotions And what can stop one from getting into their body and becoming aware of their true needs and wants is when they have an emotional build up. One can end up living on the surface of themselves. These trapped feelings and emotions can form a false self and through how powerful they are, one can lose all self control and the ability to make conscious choices in their life. And choices that will reflect their true wants and needs for instance. So how one sees themselves and how they behave around others can be defined by their trapped emotions and feelings. As can their thoughts, feelings and what they say around others. This is likely to happen automatically and one can end up feeling as though this false self is who they are. Awareness The emotional build up can be due to what has happened in ones adult life and go back to when they were children. And as they were not allowed to be expressed during the moments when they appeared, it meant that they stayed in one’s body. And like parasites, they took over and infiltrated ones experience of life. These will need to be released and as this is done, one will be able to let go of their false self. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
The trailer to this film really caught my eye and stood out like very few films do. And while some are quiet engaging and interesting, this was gripping and instantly pulled me in. It soon became apparent that George Clooney and Sandra bullock were in the film. After watching it, I mentioned the film to a few friends and decided that I was going to see it. So it could be said that my expectations were high and I thought I was in for something special. However, after watching the film, I thought that it didn’t live up to the expectations that I had formed in my mind. Visually the film was incredible and with the added 3D, I felt as though I was in space. But other than that, the story didn’t compare to how the film looked. On my way home from the cinema I was reflecting on how the film didn’t have the impact that I was expecting and then after a short while, certain patterns and meanings began to emerge. So based on these patterns and meanings, I would say that that film is a metaphor for letting go. Which is interesting, as the tagline is ’Don’t Let Go’. These psychological aspects and metaphors of the film are my personal view and are based on my own interpretation of what these metaphors and psychological aspects are and there meaning. They are in no way the right or only interpretation, they are just my view. This will mean that I will miss out certain parts and only describe what stood out for me and what I felt was significant. There will also be parts that I didn’t understand and that will also be a reason as to why it has not been mentioned. This will also mean that it will not be like a story board and that I won’t be describing the whole story. So with the disclaimer of sorts out of the way, let’s begin. The Mission Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) is on her first mission in space and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) has been there many times before. When they arrive in, they are soon called upon to service the Hubble Space Telescope. And everything seems to be going to plan at this point, even though Matt has said that something doesn’t feel right about the mission. Before long, mission control informs them that a missile strike has taken place on an old Russian space station that is no longer in use. And this action has created a lot of debris that will soon be heading in their direction. They are told to abort the mission by mission control, but at that point it is too late. All communication with mission control is lost and the explorer and stone are struck by debris. This is bound to have been a traumatising moment for stone. Matt is soon at hand to rescue her and brings her back to the space shuttle. At this point we get the first sign of Ryan being unable to let go. She continues to work on the Hubble Space Telescope even after she has been told to stop and if she had stopped straight away she might have avoided being struck by the debris. International Space Station The rest of the crew are no longer alive and the space ship is no longer usable, so they make their way to the international space station. And it is here that we begin to find out about Ryan’s traumatic past. Matt asks her about her life back home and Ryan talks about her daughter who died. From how Ryan talks about the death of her daughter and her life back home, it becomes clear that she has more or less lost the will to live. And she doesn’t appear to have anything worth going back for, other than her job. So while Ryan is never going to fully move on from the loss off her daughter, it appears that she hasn’t had the chance to grieve what took place. And as a result of this, she has become emotionally stuck. The current trauma of being struck by debris in space and potentially being stuck there is yet another situation that is testing her will to live. Ultimately, this whole scenario has reminded her of how she feels about her life on earth. When it comes to self reflection and gaining a difference perspective, one need’s to remove themselves from the situation or to do something else. And trough Ryan leaving earth, it has meant she has removed herself completely and is now able to look at her life from a new angle Taken literally, Matt is astronaut and the only other person left, what he could also be is her higher self. And this other part of her, is trying to assist her in moving beyond her current position of being stuck. The Arrival When they arrive at the international space station they see that one module has been used and the other is no longer useable. This is because the parachute has been released and therefore it is not safe to use. Matt says that they can travel to the nearby Chinese space station and use one of their modules to return to earth. As they have run out of air and the power needed to move in space, they try to hold onto the international space station. But Ryan’s legs get caught up in the parachutes cords and then she grabs a cord from Matt’s suite. Matt tells her to let go or neither of them will survive. It is at this moment that letting go comes to the forefront, when Matt says ‘you have to learn to let go’. The literal meaning is that Ryan needs to let go in order for one of them to survive. But to take this meaning a litter deeper and as a metaphor, matt could be talking about Ryan’s need to let go of the pain that is keeping her stuck in the past. And not that Ryan is being told to forget her daughter, as that would be impossible for any mother to do. What he means is that she can’t let it define her whole life. As Ryan is attached to her pain, she can’t see any other way and Matt offers her another way of looking at her whole life. So once again, he is a metaphor for her higher self or the universe. From his place of awareness, letting go is fine and doesn’t offer any problems. But as Ryan is still holding onto the pain of losing her daughter, to let go Matt would only remind of what she has already lost. And she has lost a lot. Matt floats away and while he does, he continues to speak to Ryan and his temperament doesn’t change either. He is still calm and assured and acts as if nothing is troubling him. The Capsule Ryan enters the international space station but as a fire breaks out, she soon has to make her way to the Chinese space station. And once again a parachute is causing problems, this time it is stopping the capsule from moving away. So she has to get out and release each part of the parachute. Just after Ryan does this, the debris destroys the station. Parachutes allow one to gradually fall to the ground, so this doesn’t happen to fast and it’s not too slow either. It is a form of letting go and one that takes place naturally. And up until his point, two parachutes’ have stopped Ryan from going forward. They are doing the opposite of what they are designed for. This is a message for Ryan and shows her how difficult life can become by holding on. And as she has held onto the pain from her daughter for so long, she probably doesn’t realise how many problems this is causing her. It has just become part of her life now and a life that has become a burden. No Fuel There is yet more bad news as the capsule has run out of fuel. And Ryan shuts down the air support inside the cabin and then waits until she naturally passes on. But out of nowhere, Matt opens the door and enters the capsule. He gives Ryan encouragement and tells her that there is still some fuel left in the craft. It then becomes clear that she was hallucinating and soon becomes conscious again. In the literal sense she was losing her consciousness and there not much more to it. To look at this another way, shows that a part of her was still aware and spoke through a familiar face. And Matt was the person that appeared in her mind and became her higher power or inner voice. The Landing When Ryan gets to the Chinese space station she can’t attach to it and so leaves the craft and uses a fire extinguisher to push herself back to the station. The station soon starts to dismantle and before long, Ryan is on her way back down to earth in a capsule. This moment is a rebirth for Ryan. In normal circumstances, the only way that people would leave the earth is through death. And in this case, Ryan has left the earth and come back; without physically dying or being born again. What has taken place here is a mental and emotional rebirth and the chance for her to live life free from all the baggage that was taken up to space. And when she walks onto land, it is a sign that she is taking her first steps on earth once more. Conclusion Literally, the film is primarily about a group of astronauts who go into space and while one makes it, the others don’t. One of them manages to cope with the challenges that they are faced with and returns to earth. And while all this takes place, the story is partly brought to life by an astronaut who is still suffering from the loss of her young daughter. And although time has passed, her will to live has been challenged ever since. And while this description is relevant and covers the basic gist of the film, to look at it a different way reveals so much more. It shows that the film is also about the importance of letting go and what can happen when this take occur. When it doesn’t happen, one can become stuck in life and unable to move forward. And when this happens, one can start to fear moving on and being stuck becomes a way of life. Sometimes this can relate to the loss of a loved one and at others times it can be the end of a relationship or a pet passing on for instance, but no matter what it is, there is likely to be a period of grief and a sense that something has been lost. This can be a case of letting go over time and letting this process takes its natural course. And yet at other times, some kind of assistance can be required to enable one to process their feelings and to gradually move on. Letting go is rarely something that one does with heir mind and more often something they do with their emotional body. The mind can try to avoid this process and move on too fast as a way to avoid the pain. And yet the emotional body does things in its own time and can’t be forced. If one doesn’t feel safe enough to feel their feelings they can end up staying stuck and this is why a therapist or a healer can play an important role in one letting go.
Although emotions and feelings are something each one of us has, it doesn’t mean that they are easy to handle or manage. For some people, they generally don’t cause too many problems, unless there is a major challenge in their life. And then there are other people who find it incredibly difficult to cope with their emotions. It is then irrelevant as to what is or what is not going on in their life; as the consequences are the same. Here one can end up being completely controlled by them and feel forever at their mercy. Now, if these emotions were ‘positive’ and uplifting, then there is not going to much concern as to whether one is controlled by them or not. This would be something that one is likely to embrace and not resist. What makes this a challenge is when these emotions are far from pleasant and are what could be labelled as destructive. In the first example, one is generally able to regulate how they feel. And so they have a reasonable degree of emotional control. But when it comes to next example, this ability doesn’t exist. Or if it does, it is not developed enough for them to handle their emotions. Two Extremes So there is going to be people who have the ability and this allows them to minimize any emotional turbulence that they may experience in life. And then there are others who feel completely powerless when they do experience any kind of emotional unrest. There will then be people who are more or less in between the two. So it’s not too much of a challenge that they feel out of out of control, but they won’t exactly feel in control either. In this instance, it can relate to someone who has become numb. But to stick with the two extremes here, it would appear that one person has something the other person doesn’t have. Both are human and are biologically the same and yet emotionally they are very different. Emotional Regulation This gives one the ability to do at least two things. On one side it makes it possible for one to just be with whatever emotions arise in most cases. So they don’t have to deny how they are feeling and therefore repress them. And on the other side, it means one won’t necessarily have to act on how they feel all the time. They will be able to resist the urge to direct them externally and onto people or animals for instance, who are innocent and have no part to play in their emotional experience. One is soothing themselves from the inside; just like how a mother would settle her crying baby down. If this was not possible, then one might seek the assistance of a trusted friend or their partner to hold the space for them. The main thing is that they are comfortable enough with their emotions to either sooth themselves and if that’s not possible, then they will ask for support from others. The Missing Ability If this ability was the norm, then it is likely that a lot of things in this world would be different. In reality, this ability is something that few people posses and this leads to all kinds of consequences. Some of these can be overlooked and played down, and others are unmissable and create clear destruction. Consequences To deny and cover up how one feels, could lead to: dysfunctional relationships, illness, physical pain and depression, amongst other things. And to get caught up in how one feels, could lead to reactive and impulsive behaviour. So one could end up buying things they don’t need; getting into relationships that are dysfunctional; and saying and doing things they will later come to regret. Drugs, sex, food and alcohol could all be used as a way to regulate how one feels. Being Human Now, to be human means that one is imperfect and that is normal and part of the human experience; it is not something to feel ashamed of. To deny how one feels or to act in a way that is destructive, is going to happen from time to time. When one is experiencing intense stress due to a job coming to an end, the loss of someone close to them or relationship coming to an end, then emotional regulation can give way to internal repression and external destruction. But this will be a short time challenge and not a way of life. The challenge is when this is the only way that one knows and has no idea how to regulate themselves. Denying how they feel or relying on external things to feel better, could be the only approach they know. Causes This is like having car, but not having a place to park the car. In this case one has emotions, what they don’t have is a way to deal with them. So something is missing and although it might have always been this way for someone, there is reason for it. And how one was cared for by their primary caregiver, as a baby and then as a child, will typically define if one can emotionally regulate themselves or not. Empathic And Unempathic The ideal caregiver is one who is empathic and emotionally in tune with themselves. This will allow them to mirror, sooth and validate what their child is feeling. At this age, the child has not developed the ability regulate how they feel, so the mother figure provides this until the child has developed this ability. Through this process taking place many, many times, the child will gradually internalise the mothers responses. And as a result of this, they will develop the ability to regulate themselves and feel comfortable enough to ask another for emotional support. If the mother is unempathic and out of tune with her own emotions, then the child is going to pay the price; unless someone else fulfils this role instead. So they would then have to just sit in their own emotions and feelings and at an age when they were not ready to do so. And unless something is done during their adult years, this ability might never be developed. So as a result of their mother figure not providing this, one can end up looking outside for their entire lives. Awareness There is the potential for this ability to be developed in later life, if the commitment and support is there. What can stop one from being able to soothe themselves and to just be with their emotions, is when one has trapped feelings and emotions in their body. And if one has never had the ability to regulate their emotions, then it is inevitable that they will have built up. These will need to be released in order for one to settle down. And working with a therapist or healer can enable one to gradually release them. This will allow one be more emotionally balance. A therapist or a healer can provide the mirroring and attunement that one didn’t get as a child, and as this happens, one can develop the ability to regulate themselves.
When it comes to what the media focuses on, there are many things that are positive and constructive and then there are also numerous things that are negative and destructive. This is to be expected, as there are pros and cons to most things in this world. And with that in mind, it is essential that one has the ability to question what they see and hear. Just as one would look at a menu in a restaurant and decide what they wanted and didn’t want; every item on the list would not be selected. One would use discernment to avoid what was not healthy or the foods they did not enjoy. This filter that one uses when looking at the menu is normal for most people. It doesn’t take much effort and can take place without one needing to be too aware. However, when it comes to the media, this discernment is not always in place and this means that one can accept and internalise everything they see or hear in the media. And this is not something that one should blame themselves for or come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with them. Part Of Life This is because the media is part of life and something that can’t be avoided. What one can do is develop their critical abilities and create strong intellectual boundaries. To live without these things is to be completely vulnerable to everything and anything the media comes up with. And as a result of the media being part of life, it means that its effects are often invisible and go on unnoticed. Here, one’s self esteem and emotional state can be directly influenced by the media. When one watches the news, it is inevitably going to have an impact on how they feel. But before long, they are likely to settle back down and return to their normal state of being. Then there can be other times when one is still being affected by the media; even after they have placed their attention elsewhere. Identity The above relates to how the media can shape ones emotional state in regards to the daily events in the world that they chose to focus on. This is just one consequence of the media and another thing the media has the potential to do, is to define how one perceives themselves. And this covers a whole range of different aspects of the self. If one feels good or bad, if they feel worthy or unworthy and if they are physically attractive or not, will then be defined by the media. So it won’t be up to oneself to define these things, it will be based on the media granting them permission. It therefore doesn’t take much reflection to see that this is a very precarious position to be in. And yet if one has lived this way for most of their life, it is not going to be changed overnight. One might not even realise that what the media says is not the truth. Ideas And Reality Although what the media sells can appear to be the truth, it is often far from what actually exists in reality. But just because something is an idea and has very little to do with reality itself, it doesn’t mean that this will be realised. So the media programs peoples mind to see in a certain way. And as the mind only sees what it has been programmed to see and filters everything else out; even though what the media is saying is not always accurate, it no longer matters. Women The pressure women face through the media is far worse than what men have to deal with. In recent years, a new market has opened up to make money from men by getting them into products that were only used by women in the past. Such as: moisturisers and grooming products. But when it comes to women, every part of them is constantly scrutinized and measured up to some ideal that they have invented. And these ideals are in a constant state of flux and so having inner stability is impossible. Lose Or Lose So if a woman has what the media has idealised, then they could feel fine. But before long this ideal will change and then they could sink right down, emotionally speaking. It is then not a win win siltation or even win lose, it is simply lose or lose. And while this is going to have a massive impact on a woman’s self esteem and self worth, it can also shape the kind of career they think they can have and the kind of relationships they deserve to experience. This is not something they need another human being to validate; the fact the media has conditioned them to believe it is often the only thing that is required. Reality then takes second place and what take first place are the ideas that the media has created in one’s mind. Contrast As the media creates images and ideals that are prefect and don’t reflect human imperfection, they are impossible to live up to. In some cases they are images that have been created by a computer. So through not matching up to these false ideals, one is going to end up feeling less than. And if perfection is the only thing that is good enough, then being a perfectly imperfect human being is never going to be enough. The contrast can keep one in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and despair. Inner Worth To want to look good and to grow is healthy and far from dysfunctional. What leads to problems is when one becomes completely consumed by how they look and neglects what is taking place within them. While the media can lower peoples self esteem, they also prey on people with low self esteem. And what the media can’t sell is what one has within them. This is not something one can buy and it is not something that can be taken from them. Inherently one is perfect as they are; with it being a case of letting go and not gaining anything. The challenge is that it takes work for one to realise their inner worth. And as the media is so strong and life offers so many enticing distractions, it can easily be overlooked and neglected.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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