In the same way that one is likely to see clouds if they look up to the sky - they are also likely to come across ‘positive thinking’ if they read about self-development. This is because this kind of thinking is often seen as an important part of being successful.
One Approach One can then come to believe that they need to make sure that they don’t allow themselves to have negative thoughts. In addition to this, it will be vital for them to do what they can to feel good. And through seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses, it will allow them to achieve what they want to achieve. This kind of thinking has been popular in America for many, many years. A Gradual Transition In the beginning, this kind of thinking was typically found in self-help books and was taught on different courses. But as time has passed, it is no longer something that one is only going to learn about through being into self-development. Nowadays, one could learn about this while they are at work or during a conversation with a friend/family member, for instance. What was on the fringes at one point in time is now part of mainstream culture. A Common Occurrence This is then similar to how one person can start wearing a certain item clothing and, as time passes, just about everyone can wear the same thing. What was different or unpopular has then become normal and popular. Therefore, in order for something to change, it is often necessary for someone to stick their neck out, so to peak. This could be a time when they will be criticised or even threatened, but after a while this may change. Courage It is, of course, far easier to go with the status quo, and to do what just about everyone else is doing. This will allow one to fit in, yet what it won’t do is to allow them to express who they really are. While this will cause them to ignore their true needs and feelings, what it won’t do is give them the desire to rebel. One can be the perfect citizen – someone who does as they are told and doesn’t resist. A Fairly Recent Occurrence In recent years, a lot has been said about how important empathy is, and this is something that politicians often come out with. In general, they say that the world would be a better place is there was more empathy. The key is then for someone to empathise more with others, or to develop this ability and to spend time putting themselves in other peoples shoes. When one is able to do this, they are going to be bridging the gap between themselves and another person. A No-brainer This is going to mean that one will be able to tune into the other people feelings, which will make it harder for them to cause harm. Not only this, it can also enable them to have a positive effect on others. And as there people all over the world who are being violated on a daily basis and are suffering in silence, this is clearly the right way to behave. For once, then, these politicians have something good to say. The Answer The key is then going to be for one to bring their attention to their heart and to put their head to one side. What this comes down to is that the head is often seen as being cold; whereas the heart is often seen as being warm. Behaving in this way will lead to a more peaceful and harmonious planet. If someone was to refute this, it has to be a sign that they are cold hearted and don’t care about others. Stepping Back However, in the same way that ‘positive thinking’ is not always the answer, the same could be said when it comes to empathy. This is then similar to how antibiotics are often seen as the answer to everything; when in reality, they can do more harm than good. Or how a saw is a great tool for cutting wood, but it is not going to do much good when it comes to putting a screw in. Ultimately, there are pros and cons to just about everything in life. Positive Thinking When someone has positive thoughts running though their mind, it can be the difference between giving something a go and not even trying. It can also allow them to keep going when something doesn’t go to plan. At the same time, if one doesn’t take action, thinking positive thoughts is unlikely to do much good. Getting too caught up in positive thoughts can also stop one from being able to face reality and, therefore, to overlook important feedback. Empathy If one has the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes, so to speak, they are going to be less likely to violate someone. This is also going to be the difference between ignoring someone and giving them the assistance that they need. Having said that, if one puts their head to one side and only pays attention to how they feel, it can stop them from being able to see the big picture. Instead of being able to look into what would actually help someone, they can get caught up in how the other person feels and end up doing what they can to feel good about themselves. Balance Ultimately, one has a brain for a reason, and one of those reasons is to be able to think about what effect their behaviour will have. Yet, if one feels uncomfortable through seeing another person in pain (or a group of people) and their brain is offline, their main priority can be to do what they can to feel better as opposed to what will actually help someone. This is then what would happen if a child was to give their lunch money to someone on the street, after feeling sorry for them. The child will then feel better about themselves, but what they will soon realise is that they won’t be able to get anything to eat and the beggar won’t be any better off in the long-run. Conclusion So, while there is no doubt that empathy is important, it is doesn’t mean that is it some kind of super power. In this context, encouraging people to pay more attention to their heart is a great way to control them. The last thing the people in power want is for people to be able to think clearly, and one way to make sure that this doesn’t take place is to condition them to believe that empathy is the answer to everything. And although displaying empathy can be seen as a selfless act, if one is only doing something to feel better about themselves and doesn’t think about the effect that their behaviour will have, they are behaving in a selfish manner.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Critical Thinking: Is It A Surprise That Some Presidents/Prime Ministers Have Personality Disorders?29/11/2017
In the recent presidential election, the mainstream media portrayed one candidate as being good and the other as being bad. And up until a new president was announced, there were a number of people who thought that America would have a female president for the first time.
For some people, this was seen as a sign of how sexist America is and had absolutely nothing to do with anything else. This was also one of the reasons that Hillary Clinton put forward when she was asked why she lost. One Outlook Along with this, she has said that Russia played part in all this, and one of the ways that this supposedly took place was by ads that were posted on social media. Anyway, there were a lot of people who felt demoralised after Trump won. It was then as if America had the chance to elect a “strong” woman, but they ended up electing someone who was not fit to be president. Some of the people who voted for Hillary are likely to believe that they are morally superior to the people who voted for Trump. The Perfect Example When someone has this outlook, they could say that it is clear that Donald Trump has at least one personality disorder. That is in addition to him being a “sexist”, “racist”, and “misogynist”, among other things. They could say that he has a constant need for admiration, has exaggerated sense of importance, lacks empathy, and they could talk about the manner in which he comes across. With all these traits, as well as others, it is not going to be seen as ideal for someone like this to have so much power. Another Part If someone did want Hillary to win, they could wonder what it would be like if Obama was still in power. This can then show that they saw him as the ideal president and, on the surface, they seem to be very different people. While Obama generally came across as refined and intelligent, Trump often comes across in a very different manner. It is then not hard to see why someone would be drawn to Obama and repelled by Trump. A Big Difference Based on this, it could be said that some presidents are mentally healthy are others are not. Therefore, in the same way that a rose can grow through concrete, there will be times when healthy people are able to rise up the top. At the same time, even though a president comes across in the right way, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are a well-adjusted human being, and the same could be said when the mainstream media supports a certain candidate. All it can show is that they have mastered the art of how to make a good impression on others. Words vs. Actions In the grand scheme of things, what truly matters it what a president does and not how they come across. So while Obama looked the part, what did he do whilst he was the president of America? This is what matters. If it was simply about having someone who created the right impression, then a good actor/actress would be the ideal candidate. For example, in 2016, America dropped 26,171 bombs; that’s nearly three bombs every hour, for 24 hours a day. A Facade Due to this, Obama can now tell people that during his time at president, he was at war longer than any President in American History. Before all this took place, he came into office with a very different stance on war. Now, it could be said that he started off with good intentions, yet it wasn’t possible for him to do what he wanted. This is something that had to be considered – it is hard to say how much control a president actually has. The Deep State For a number of years, a lot has been said about the people behind the scenes, so speak, and how much control they have. Consequently, even if someone does want to make a positive difference, they could soon find out that their hands are tied. Perhaps this was why John F. Kennedy was taken out; he could have been someone who wasn’t prepared to sell his soul. But with this aside, what stands out is that presidents and even Prime Ministers are often different to the average person. A Big Task For one thing, someone needs to enjoy being the centre of attention, feel comfortable with having a lot of control over others, to be able to handle a lot of criticism, and to deal with all the stress that comes with it. And if someone is a mentally and emotionally healthy human being, they are not going to want to have control over others or to experience so much stress. Thus, if someone feels empty, worthless, and craves recognition and approval from others, this kind of job can appeal to them. The challenges that they will have to put up with through being in the public eye can be seen as being outweighed by what they will receive. A Pattern It has been noted that a number of presidents grew up without a father, and this is not much of a surprise. And in today’s world, it is not uncommon for a child to be without a father - shockingly, it is often believed that a child doesn’t even need a father. The mother is there to love the child no matter what (unconditioned love) and this takes place through affirming them as they are; whereas the fathers love is based on what the child does (conditional love) and this takes place through affirming them for what they do. Each parent then has a role to play in the child’s ability to feel valuable and to give value. Another Consequence Maybe the reason why so many people believe they are special and entitled to just about everything nowadays is because their father wasn’t around when they were younger. This would have set them up to feel good about themselves and to develop the feminine within them, but it won’t have allowed them to develop the masculine within them and to realise that they even though they are important, they still have to work for things. A Wounded Child in an Adults Body So, if someone didn’t receive the kind of care that the needed whilst they were growing up, it can then set them up to look outside for that which they didn’t receive as a child. The pain that is within them can be what stops them from looking within and realising that everything they need is actually within them. When it comes to a president/prime minister, then, there is likely to be the false-self that they had to create as a child in order to handle the trauma that they experienced. The needs that were not met during this time can then be what gave them the drive to rise to the top. Conclusion With this in mind, it could be said that someone needs to have something wrong with them to want to become a president/prime minister. A human being who feels comfortable with themselves and is free of trauma (or has very little) is unlikely to be interested in doing anything like this.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone feels like a whole human being, they are going to be in tune with what is taking place in their head and what is going on in their body. One is then not going to be dead from the neck down.
Connected As a result of this, one will be able to utilise the information that is in their body, meaning they won’t need to rely on their mind. They will typically be aware of how they feel and what their needs are. It is therefore going to be a lot easier for them to fulfil their needs, which can enable them to live a fulfilling life. And through being aware of how they feel, they should also be able to express their emotions. The Outcome Due to this, there is as strong chance that one will have close connections with other people. The reason for this is that close connections are not formed through simply sharing ideas alone; they are generally formed through sharing what is taking place at a deeper level. Thus, when one is able to express how they feel, it will allow other people to feel connected to them. Furthermore, how one feels around someone will tell them a lot about if this person is good for them. Guidance There will be the effect their intuition has, too, and this is going to provide them with instant information. At times, their mind might not know what is going on and this could result in one ignoring their inner guidance. But if they are in tune with themselves, this could be the exception as opposed to the rule. The mind is the part of them that has been conditioned by the external world; whereas their inner guidance is the result of their connection to all that is. Full Up One of the benefits of feeling like a whole human being is that one is not going to feel as though they need someone or something to complete them. Said another way, one is going to be an interdependent human being; they will need others, but they won’t need one person in particular. Now, this is not to say that there won’t be moments when they will feel as though something is missing. When this happens, it could be a sign that one is going through a breakup or that someone has passed on, for instance. Part of Life However, after a certain amount of time has passed and/or they have been able to grieve, they should soon feel like a whole human being again. Life is not one big holiday, after all, and this is why it is going to be normal for one to feel as though they have been knocked over from time to time. When they do get knocked down, they might end up being drawn to things that they wouldn’t usually be drawn to. Perhaps one could drink more than they usually do, or eat the wrong kind of food, for instance. A Different Reality On the other hand, if one doesn’t feel whole, their experience on this planet is going to be very different. This may mean that it is normal for them to be drawn to things that are not good for them. Alternatively, one could simply be drawn to one thing and not care about anything else. For example, one might find that they tend to drink a lot of alcohol or take drugs, or, one might eat too much food or buy too much stuff. A Black Hole Deep down, one is likely to believe that this will allow them to finally feel like a whole human being. It is then as though the emptiness within then will be filled by consuming things from the external world. Part of them might even realise that this is not working, but the part of them that is in control might not be willing to face up to this. As far as this part of them in concerned, this could be the only way that it is going to take place. Two Experiences Yet, while one is going to feel numb and as though they are missing something, it doesn’t mean that they will always feel this way. There could also be moments when they feel incredibly needy and emotionally raw. It can seem as though they are either on top of a building looking down, or as though they are trapped in a pool that is full of sludge. One then is either detached from how they feel in their body or they are practically drowning in how they feel. The Trigger What can cause one to go from one extreme to another is if they happen to end up in a relationship and this comes to an end. One will have attached to someone and, as this attachment is broken, it will have brought up the pain that is within them. It can be as if one doesn’t need anything at one point in time and at another, it can be as though they need everything. So, regardless of how developed their intellect is, what is clear is that they are emotionally undeveloped. A Closer Look When one is experiencing life in this way, it is highly likely that they didn’t receive what they needed during their formative years. The attunement that they needed, in order to grow and develop in the right way, probably wasn’t provided on a consistent basis, if at all. This may then have been a time when one had to shut down (become numb) to stop themselves from being overwhelmed with pain. If they had embraced how they felt as a child, it might have been too much for their system to handle. Awareness Being neglected as a child would have stopped them from receiving what they desperately needed and it would have caused them to experience trauma. With this in mind, there can be what one needs to receive and what they need to let go of to feel like a whole human being. The process of being affirmed and letting go of trauma can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: If Someone Is Always Offended Does It Show That They Are Self-Absorbed?24/11/2017
One only needs to pick up a paper or to go on social media see how common it is for people to be offended in today’s world. Nowadays, it is often said that offence is given, not taken; whereas in the past, it was typically seen as something that was taken, not given.
A Lot Has Changed This would have been a time when not much thought was given when someone was offended by something. At the same time, it might be more accurate to say that this wasn’t something that was seen as an issue in the past. People’s feelings were generally overlooked and not given the attention that they deserved. The western world has then gone from one extreme to another, which is no better. The Priority So, if it was normal for people to do and say anything in the past, it has now got to the point where people are expected to walk on eggshells. It no longer matters if one has got something important to say; what matters is not upsetting other people. As a result of this, freedom of speech is often seen as something that is no longer necessary. This is of secondary importance; what truly matters is that people are not made to feel uncomfortable. Completely Unaware Everything their ancestors did (may have done) to give them the opportunity to express themselves is now being overlooked. It could be said that the reason someone like this doesn’t appreciate what they have is because they have always had it. If, on the other hand, they had experienced life differently or took the time to understand what these people went through, they might soon change their behaviour. Alternatively, they could spend time in another part of the world where people don’t have this option. The Big Cover Up While something like this would allow someone to wake up and to see how fortunate they are to have the ability to express themselves, there is going to be no reason for them to change. Therefore, even though one will be against something that is so precious, they can believe that they are doing the right thing. In their eyes, offending another person can be seen as one of the worst crimes imaginable, and one could believe that people have the ‘right’ not to be offended by others. There is then going to be what they will do to enforce what they believe. A Number of Options If they were to be offended by something online, it is going to be relatively easy for them to do something. One can end up blocking or ‘unfriending’ someone, or they could report them. What will also make it easier is that they are likely to be using a social media site that is also against free speech. The fact these kinds of companies are against free speech can be seen as a sign that free speech is no longer needed. Distracted When one is focused on doing everything they can to control what people can or can’t say, it can cause them to overlook the effect it will have on their own life as time goes by. But as one is so busy trying to control what other people can or can’t say, it is likely to stop them from being able to see this. Along with this, there are going to be plenty of people who have the same outlook as they do. One can then believe that they have the moral high ground and that it is down to them to make the world a better place. On the Surface On one level, making sure that people are not offended can sound like the right thing to do; after all, why would someone want to cause another to feel angry or upset, for instance. Based on this, it would be right to say that someone like this is a virtuous human being who actually cares about others. However, while this might seem to be the case, it is likely to be nothing more than an illusion. For one thing, whether or not someone is offended is largely defined by how they interpret what has been said or done. Another Form of Tyranny Thus, if one is offended by what another person has said or done and wants to silence them, it shows that their feelings are seen as being far more important than anything else. It is then irrelevant as to whether what another person has said is true or accurate, as it won’t matter. Also, one won’t have taken the time to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and to consider their point of view. What is taking place within them will be what has consumed their mind. A Facade So, although one will create the impression that they are thinking about other people’s needs as opposed to their own, this is going to be nothing more than a cover up. In reality, this is simply a way for them to focus on their own needs whilst looking selfless in the process. If one actually cared about other people, they wouldn’t try to stop them from expressing their views. To do this, one would need to put their own needs and feelings to one side and to connect to the other person. Conclusion Maybe one of the reasons why so many people are easily offended is due to the fact that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed when they were growing up. Not only will this have stopped them from being able to manage their emotions, it will have also caused them to be self-absorbed. Through experiencing trauma during this time, it can seem as though they are being physically harmed when someone say or does something that offends them. What someone says or does will have triggered these early wounds. If this is the case, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, it is relatively easy for a woman receive attention; the only thing that she needs is a social media account. And if one is not enough, then she can join a number of different sites.
A Big Audience Once she has uploaded a few pictures of herself, it might only be a matter of time before she has a large following. That is something is likely to depend on what she looks like, as her appearance will have a big effect. If she is classed as being physically attractive or even if she is seen as being relatively attractive, it might not be long until hundreds or even thousands of people are ‘liking’ and commenting on her pictures. What this shows is that it won’t have been necessary for her to achieve anything significant in order to receive attention. Born Valuable This is why it has been said that while men are born poor and die rich, women are born rich and die poor - that is when it comes to their sexual market value. Another way of looking at it would be to say that men are human doings and women are human beings. A lot has been done to try to change this, but a man’s value is often attributed to what he does, and a woman’s value is often attributed to what she looks like. This is then why women are often perceived as having more value than men when they are younger and why it can take a while for a man to be seen as being valuable. The A Clear Example The only thing a woman needs is to have good genes and she is likely to be seen as valuable; whereas a man will probably need to work hard and to produce something significant in order to be perceived in the same manner. This is something that stands out on social media. And when a woman shares pictures online they could just be of her face, or she could share pictures of her body, too. On the one hand, this could be something that she does from time to time, while on the other, she could upload pictures every day. Identification It could then be as if this is someone who is obsessed with their appearance, and this is going to relate to their face and their body. But even if this is the case, most of their ‘followers’ are likely to overlook this. This could mean that this person is a ‘model’, or maybe they work in the porn industry, for instance. Her body might not just be seen as another part of her – it could be seen as who she is. Constant Feedback To the majority of men who ‘follow’ her, she is not just going to be a women who is a human being; she will be some kind of goddess. There will be what they would like to do to her and then there will be what they would like to do for her. And by receiving this kind of feedback, it can cause the women to believe that she is special and better than everyone else. Yet, if she receives hundreds of comments and messages a day, this is not going to be much of a surprise. One Side One way of looking at this would be to say that when a man behaves in this manner he is being fuelled by lust. His sexual desire is then what is defining his behaviour, as opposed to him having a real appreciation for the woman. This doesn’t mean that his emotions are not having an effect, though, as the lust that he experiences could be a way for him to avoid how he feels. Deep down he could feel empty, and this is likely to show that he is out of touch with his own feminine aspect. Projection As a result of this, he ends up projecting the parts of himself that he hasn’t realised onto women; this will relate to being loved, supported, and feeling whole, among other things. Through being out of touch with his own feminine aspect, it will cause him believe that he needs to be with a woman to experience these things. When it comes to a woman who needs so much attention, it would be easy to say that she is just doing this to express herself. Then again, it could also show that she lacks a strong sense of self and doesn’t value herself. A Deep Hole Like a bucket with a hole in, it might not matter how much positive feedback she receives as it will never be enough. It is then likely to show that there is something within her that is causing her to feel this way. Her need to look perfect externally is then a way for her to counteract how flawed she feels on the inside. And if she does look practically perfect on the outside, it is generally going to be a challenge for people to see what is going on. A Deeper Look At one point in her life, she may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This could have been during her adult years, or it could go back to what happened when she was younger. Maybe she was physically or even sexually abused, which would have set her up to experience a lot of shame. It was then not that there was something wrong with the person or people who abused her - it was that there was something inherently wrong with her. Awareness The years would then have passed and she would have done everything she could to avoid her true feelings. What this shows is how painful it is to experience toxic shame; it is probably the most painful feeling to experience. At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that it is simply a feeling, as it is something that is likely to have penetrated her whole being. If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of problems in today’s world, and it could be said that some of these problems are more important than others. Still, that doesn’t meant that the amount of attention a problem receives will depend on how important it is.
In the same way that the person with the loudest voice can be chosen from an audience; the problem that is spoken about the most is what will often receive the most attention. What is clear is that one of the most important problems - if not the most important - is what is happening to the environment. The Main Area As if the planet that human beings live on is no longer habitable, every other problem will soon be of secondary importance. Now, there is always the chance that everyone could go to another planet, but that is not an option at this point in time. Looking after mother earth is then something that needs to be at the forefront of everyone’s mind. One can play their part here by looking into how they behave and how they spend their money. Another Issue But while this can be seen as the most important issue, there are going to be others who are more concerned about sexism. This can then show that this is something that is having a big effect on their life. And as the planet is not at the stage where it can no longer sustain life, there is going to be no reason for them to change their outlook. How they are being treated by others due to their sex is then going to be what takes most of their attention. Normal But it could be said that it is human nature for someone to believe that their current concern is more important than any other concern. It is then similar to having an ulcer and how this can be seen as the worst thing ever. Or, how one can end up being pulled in by trivial events and dramas, if they haven’t got a purpose in life. However, this is not to say that this is not a legitimate concern, though. One Sex When one is focused on this it could mean that they are a man, but there is a greater chance that they are a woman. The reason for this is that in today’s world, the general outlook is that it is only possible for men to be sexist. With this is mind, if a man is focussed on sexism it could show that he is doing what he can to stand up for women. Ironically, it could be said that it is a form of sexism when someone believes that men don’t experience sexism. One Area So, if a woman has experienced sexism, it could relate to what has taken place at work, or it could be something she has experienced in her relationships with men, for instance. At the same time, this might relate to just about every area of her life. This may have stopped her from being able to progress in her career and if it relates to her relationships with men, it may mean that she has been in abusive relationships. If this is something she has experienced on a daily basis, it could be a challenge for her to feel good about herself. A Number of Options Consequently, she may have spoken out about what has taken place at work, and this may mean that something has been done about it. If she has been with men who are like this, she may have decided to stay single. The main thing is that she has done something about what has taken place, as opposed to tolerating this kind of behaviour. There is also the chance that she has looked into why she ended up with men who treated her badly. Victim or Victor Yet, although a woman can rise above this challenge, she can also end up being defined by it. When this happens, it can make it hard for her to take a step back and to see clearly, and she can then come to believe that just about everything is sexist. Her focus is going to be what is going on externally, meaning that she won’t take the time to look into what is going on within her. It is then not going to be a surprise for her to have the tendency to accuse people of being sexist. Both Sides She may also know a number of men who also behave in the same way in life, which is likely to validate what she believes. These men are likely to position themselves as moral human beings. They may even believe that is their duty to stand up for women and to make sure that they don’t have to suffer. This would then mean that they believe that women are not as capable as they are and that’s why they need to protect them. A Deeper Look And based on the view that men and women are both the same, the men who are behaving in this way are being sexist. Clearly, there are going to be moments when someone is being sexist, that can’t be denied. Nevertheless, if someone believes that just about everything is sexist, it could show that they are not using their mind and/or they are projecting their own issues onto others. If one has been to university and they have been conditioned to believe that just about everything is sexist, it is going to be expected that they will see sexism everywhere. Indoctrinated This would have been a time in their life when they were taught what to think, instead of how to think. Their time at university was then no different to what someone goes through when they are verbally abused as a child by their parent/s – they would have come to believe what they were told. When it comes to being verbally abused, one can end up believing that other people don’t like them and that they will reject them, among other things; how one or two people treated them will be seen as how everyone will treat them. Yet, when it comes to going to university and being conditioned, one can come to believe that just about everything someone says or does is sexist. Projection If a woman hates men (it might be more accurate to say that she is in conflict with the masculine and feminine elements within herself) but she has disconnected from how she feels, it can set her up to displace this hate onto men. Therefore, by accusing them of sexism, it can allow her to hate them indirectly. She can then end up taking the moral high ground; whereas if she was to express her feelings directly, it would be clear that she is carrying a lot of pain. This has a lot in common with what Joseph Goebbels supposedly said; “Accuse the Other Side of That Which You Are Guilty”. Conclusion On the other hand, if a man has the tendency to accuse other men of sexism, it can show that he hates women (it might be more accurate to say that he is in conflict with the masculine and feminine elements within himself). It can also be a way for him to indirectly express the pain that is within him; he can then abuse others and look holier-than-thou in the process. It could be said that this shows how much of an effect one’s inner world has on how they experience the outer world. When one is out of touch with their own inner issues, they will be more likely to see these issues in the external world.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of things that have changed since the advent of social media, and one of the things that it has done is changed how people communicate with each other. Instead of having to be around others, one can now ‘socialise’ online.
One can then message someone who lives just down the road, or they can message someone who lives on the other side of the planet. This has meant that one can now connect to the people they know no matter where they are. A Different Form of Communication Now, one can use words to speak to their ‘friends’, or they could just rely on emoticons. It can all depend on what they are trying to say and how much energy they have. Based on this, it can seem as though social media is the ultimate tool when it comes to having fulfilling relationships. The downside, of course, is that speaking to someone over a screen is not the same as speaking to them in person. A Poor Replacement If one was to only speak to people over a screen and no longer bothered to speak to them in person, it would be similar to replacing a real car with a model car. In this case, it will look the same but it won’t be anything like the real thing. However, even though one might realise this, it doesn’t mean that it will always have an effect on their behaviour. What this comes down to is that it is easy for someone to get sucked into social media and to overlook their real relationships; when this takes place, they may find that it is a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. Malnourished One will then be talking to people, but they can feel as though they are cut-off from their fellow human beings. Another way of looking at this would be to say that it is as if one is eating food that has very little, if any, nutritional value. Words will have been exchanged, but one won’t have spent time in the presence of other human beings. This is why it has been said that people are “together alone”, and this can also be the case if one spends time with others but hides their true-self. One Big Illusion And in the same way that there are plenty of options when it comes to fast food, there are also plenty of options when it comes to speaking to people online. It can then seem as though there is an abundance of quality food and numerous ways to connect to others. When in reality, fast food can’t replace real food and social media can’t replace real interactions. So, in the same way that it is not going to be much of a surprise if one is not in good shape if they live on fast food; it is also not going to be much of a surprise if one feels depressed if they spend too much time using social media. Both Ways In addition to the effect that it can have on one’s mental and emotional health, there is also the effect it can have on their relationships. How one behaves online can end up playing a part in how they behave when they are offline. And if one has been using social media since they were young, it can make it hard for them to communicate with real people. In the real world, other people won’t use emoticons and they won’t be able to use them, either; they will need to be able to read people and to express themselves. Conflict For example, if one has a problem with someone online, it can be relatively easy for them to deal with it. This is not to say that this will take place in a functional way, though, as they could just go silent on them. Alternatively, one could ‘unfriend’ them or block them, and this shows how easy it is to deal with a problem online. The trouble is that when one behaves in this way, it is not going to allow them to work through anything. A Childlike Approach This can cause the other person to feel angry, invalidated, ignored, and disrespected, for instance, and it is likely to cause this person to develop a negative opinion of them. If one has done something like this they probably won’t care about what this person thinks of them, as they won’t want them in their life. Nevertheless, if one responds in this way when they experience conflict online, it could influence how they behave when they experience conflict offline. One is then not going to be able to behave in a respectful manner. An Important Ability Human beings are individuals, and this means that it is not going to be possible for them to always agree with each other. Not only this, there are going to be moments when different issues arise. During these moments, it is going to be vital for one to to take responsibility for how they feel and to respect the others boundaries, and for the other person to do the same. Through doing this, if one of their friends/partner has a different view or feels down or angry about something, they will be able to acknowledge what is going on for them and to work through it together. A Deeper Connection As a result of this, the other person is going to see that one values and respects them, and this is likely to have a positive effect on their relationship. This can be something that will bring them closer together. On the other hand, if one was to invalidate what they are going through or to just ignore them, it is unlikely to have a positive effect on their relationship. This kind of behaviour is going to make it difficult for them to experience intimacy, and they could end up with no one around them. Conclusion Therefore, while it is easy to ignore, block or ‘unfriend’ people online and then to take a similar approach offline, it is not the kind of approach that one should take if they want to have fulfilling relationships. It can take a long time to develop a strong bond with someone and a matter of seconds to destroy it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to work with a therapist or a counsellor; in fact, it could be said that it is a fairly common occurrence. Even so, this doesn’t mean that someone won’t feel ashamed for needing to be assisted in this way.
Yet even if they did feel ashamed at this point, at least it won’t have stopped them from reaching out for support. There are bound to be plenty of people who feel too ashamed to do so. Stuck When this happens, one will continue to experience life in the same way, and this is likely to mean that their life will get even worse. They may have people around them who realise what is going on, or they could be isolated from others. At the same time, one could act as though everything is fine, and it might not matter if they have people around them. The image that they present to the world is going to be radically different to how they feel on the inside. How Could This Happen? It can be hard to understand how something like this can happen; especially if one spends a lot of time around them. Perhaps their friends can sense that something isn’t right, but that is as far as it goes. Or, one may spend time around people who are also wearing a mask, which means that there will be no reason for them to pick up on what is going on. And when someone is working with a therapist, for instance, they might keep it to themselves. Protection This can be seen as a way for them to make sure that certain people don’t look down on them or see them as weak, for instance. Therefore, if they were to tell others, it could lead to further problems. Still, the main thing is that they are doing something as opposed to suffering in silence. If they did feel weak for needing to be assisted in this way, it would show that they are carrying a negative belief. Real Strength If one is in a lot of pain and they reach out for support, they are doing the right thing. What is strange about this is that if one had a problem with their car, they wouldn’t see themselves as being weak for taking it to the garage – this would be the logical thing to do. So as people are often seen as weak for needing help when it comes to their inner world, it means that it can take a lot of courage to reach out. With this in mind, there is no reason for one to believe their mind (or anyone else for that matter) if it tells them that they are weak for needing help. The Right Thing Ultimately, it is only through reaching out for the right support that one will be able to move forward. If this is not clear at the beginning, it will surely become clear as time goes by. As to how long it will be until one is able to realise this can all depend on what is going on for them. It could only be a matter of weeks, or it could take a number of months before one can see this. One Question If someone was to criticise another person for having therapy, it can come down to the fact that they are paying for this. As far as they are cornered, this could be something that one should talk to their friends or family about. It could be said that this is a fair point; after all, one should be able to talk to their friends and family about what is going on for them. There are likely to be a number of people who could do this if they really wanted to. The Real World However, there are going to be plenty of people out there who haven’t got any close friends or family. It is then not possible for these people to simply open up the people around them because there is no one there. After hearing this, this person could begin to change their mind, or it might not have much of an effect on them. Alternatively, one might not feel comfortable enough to open up to the people around them. Another Thing Also, when one works with a therapist it is not always just going to be about being heard. For example, they could be in a position where they need to work through a lot of childhood pain, and this is unlikely to be something that one of their friends could assist them with, and their parents could be the last people who they want to do this with. One is then not only going to need to be around someone who understands what they are going though; they will also need to be around someone who can guide them through this process. This is then similar to how someone probably wouldn’t get in touch with a friend if they had a problem with their tooth and expect them to fix it. Conclusion So, while it can seem strange that someone would pay another person to assist them in this way, it might soon make sense if one takes a deeper look into what is going on. Firstly, it is not uncommon for someone to have people in their life who they don’t open up to and, secondly, someone can know as much about their inner world as they do about outer space. Thus, if one doesn’t have a deep connection with the people in their life and these people are out of touch with themselves, it is going to be normal for them to pay someone. But even if one did have a strong connection with the people in their life and they were in tune with themselves, they might not have the time to be there for them in this way.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was to apply for a job, they are likely to hear about how important customer service is. That is, of course, unless they are applying for a position that doesn’t require them to deal with customers.
This could be something that doesn’t faze them, which could come down to the fact that they are good with people. At the same time, they might not be too sure about what this will involve. The Next Step Nevertheless, there is the chance that they will be given the guidance that they need if they are chosen. And if one does know what to do, there will still be the chance for them to improve. As the weeks and months pass, most of the people who they come into contact with could be pleased with how they are treated. And this is likely to have a positive effect on how they view the company that one works for. The Frontline Conversely, if one doesn’t respond to people in a positive manner, it is likely to have a negative effect on how they view the company. As a result of this, it won’t matter what the people are doing further up the hierarchy. Emails can be sent and adverts can be used, for instance, but it is the experiences that people have with the people who represent the company who make all the difference. This, then, shows why it is so important for businesses to have good customer service. A Big Difference So, although the people who represent a company in this manner might not get paid as much as the people who don’t, they still have a lot of influence. In some ways, it could be said that they have more influence than the people do above them. With this in mind, it is clear that a company cannot afford to overlook this area of their business. If they do, it might only be a matter of time before they end up paying the price. Another Factor What also plays a part here is that someone can now go onto a social media site and talk about what they have been through. In the past, one may have just told their friends, but now they have the ability to tell thousands of people. The stakes are now much higher than they were before, and how a company treats people can make or break them. Therefore, although a company could overlook this area of their business, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to do this forever. The Most Important Element When it comes to good customer service, there are a number of things that will need to be in place. Perhaps the most important thing will be for someone to be present, as this will allow them to respond in the right way. If their body is there but their mind is somewhere else, it is going to stop them from being able to do this. And either consciously or unconsciously, a customer will realise that the person they are talking to is not really there. Other Elements This can then cause them to feel ignored, disrespected, and as though they are not important. And if a company wants to make sure this customer uses their services, this is likely to be the last thing that they want. Along with being present, it will be vital for them to smile, to listen, to be friendly, and to make eye contact, amongst other things. If one doesn’t make eye contact, it could show that it’s because they are not present. Disconnected Now, this could mean that one has got a lot on their mind at the moment, and this is then why they are unable to completely show up. It could go even further than this, though, as one could be like this all the time when they are at work. Maybe, one no longer wants to be there, and this is why their mind is generally somewhere else. One is then getting paid to do a job, but they are not doing what they are being paid to do. A Lack of Guidance Then again, there is also the chance that one hasn’t shown eye contact since they started the job and nothing has happened. It could then show that one’s mind is somewhere else, or it could simply show that they don’t feel comfortable maintaining eye contact. There would then have been what their employers were looking for at the beginning, and then there is what they put up with when someone actually works there. It can then seem as though they only talk about how important customer service is at the beginning in order to create the right impression. Conclusion It would be easy to point the finger at a member of staff for not showing good customer service, yet this would overlook what the part that the people above them play. Bad customer service can only occur if these people allow it to. This is not to say that they can stop it from happening completely, but what they can do is stop it from becoming the norm. The self-checkouts that are now available stop people from having to experience bad customer service, this is the good part; the bad part is that they don’t exactly create a fulfilling experience for the customer, or allow them to develop an emotional connection to the business.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
How someone behaves around others can be in alignment with who they are, or it can be a reflection of their false-self. However, even if it is not a reflection of their true-self, it doesn’t mean that other people will realise this.
An Act One is then going to behave in a way that doesn’t match with their true needs, feelings and preferences, amongst other things. Yet, if one has behaved in that way for quite some time, there is going to be no reason for other people to see that something isn’t right. Also, if one was to no longer behave in the same way, it could have a negative effect on their relationships. The people around them might no longer feel the desire to spend time with them. Another Outcome Alternatively, some of the people around them could end up doing everything they can to force them back into the role that they played before. This will be a role that allows these people to function. Therefore, if one was to change, it would no longer be possible for these people to behave in the same way. This could cause them to experience things that they haven’t experienced for a while. Avoidance For example, if one of their friends has been able to avoid their own pain through trying to rescue them, they may come into contact with the part of themselves that they need to rescue. The ideal would be for them to embrace how they feel and then to work through it. This could be the last thing on their mind, though, and this will be why they will try to get one to return to how they were before. It is then clear that this person is not interested in whether one is in touch with their true-self or not. Out of Balance Conversely, one could be in a position where they have at least one friend who is self-centred. So when they get together, it could be a time when their friend does most of the talking. This person is likely to believe that their life is more important, and this could be how they are with most people. They are going to be the centre of the universe and everyone else will be there to serve them. Self-Neglect The relationship that one has with someone like this is going to be based on approval. One is then neglecting their own needs in order to fulfil some of their friends needs. From the outside, it can seem strange as to why someone would neglect themselves in this way, and why the other person is completely consumed with their own needs. What this is likely to show is that one doesn’t value themselves. The Answer The other person probably doesn’t value themselves, either, and there is a strong chance that they lack self-awareness. Someone like this is likely to blame other people for their problems, and is naturally going to make it difficult for them to change. With that aside, it is clear that one will need to let go of their need for approval and to value themselves. Once this has taken place, it will allow them to finally express who they really are. A New Beginning And while some of their relationships might come to an end, there could be others that will gradually change. But regardless of what happens, they will soon come into contact with other people who will accept who they are. Then again, one could find that even though they no longer need approval (or as much as used to) and they value themselves, they still feel the need to hide their true-self. One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that one still has a strong need for approval. Another Angle It can then be about looking into what they believe and changing their thoughts, for instance. This might help, but then again, it might not have much of an effect on how they behave. The reason that one still needs other people’s approval could come down to the fact that they don’t feel safe enough to be themselves. Their body is not going to feel safe and unless this changes, their life is likely to stay the same. The Most Important Part It is then not going to matter what is taking place in their head or if they value themselves. Ultimately, their greatest need will be to survive and, if being themselves is seen as something that will put their life at risk, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. This can show that one has experienced trauma in their adult years, or it could go back to what took place when they were younger. If it relates to what happened when they were growing up, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected. Awareness What this would have done is set them up to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to exist, and there would have been the effect this had on their body. One is then going to need to let go of the trauma that is being held in their body. This is something that can take place with the assistance of therapist or a healer. The main thing is that one reaches out for the right support and doesn’t give up until they have found it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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