There can be times when someone’s life will go how they want it to and times when it won’t. It could be said that this is simply part of life, and not something that can be changed.
However, although this is the case, it is going to be down to one to decide how they will respond when it doesn’t go how they want it to. It has been said that while one can’t control what happens to them, they can control how they respond. It’s Clear During this time, they might soon begin to think about what they need to do in order to move forward. It might not take very long for this to take place, or they might need to be patient. This is something that can all depend on what it is that is not going as they would like it to go. Also, even though one might have overcome a number of challenges up until this point, it doesn’t mean that they will find it easy to overcome what is currently consuming their attention. A Break One could then take a step back from what is taking place and to go and do something else. They may find that if they were to go for a walk, they might soon begin to gain a new perspective. This is likely to be due to the fact that they are creating the space for something new to enter their mind. Yet, when they are focused on what is not right about their life, it can stop them from being able to do this. Outside The Box It is then going to be as if they have stepped outside of their own mind, and this is likely to make their life a lot easier. On the other hand, if they were going over the same information over and over again, they are not going to get very far. In the same way that updating a computer can allow it to do different things; receiving new information can have the same effect. It could then be said what is taking place in one’s mind is going to define how free they feel. Blocked If one feel’s trapped on the inside, it won’t matter what is taking place on the outside. Therefore, what this shows is how important it is for one to do what they can do open their mind, and to take in new information. When one is unable to do this, they could have a problem in their life but they could find that they are unable to do anything about it. This could be seen as something that they just have to put up with. Two Sides Now, if this relates to something minor, they may find that it doesn’t end up having much of an effect on their life. They might think about it now and then, but that could be as far as it goes. At the same time, this could be something major, and this is then going to stop them from being able to overlook it. This one thing is then going to have a big effect on every area of their life. For Example What this could show is that one was in a relationships with someone who has just left them, or they might not even get this far. If they don’t get his far, it could mean that they are unable to attract soemone to be with. Alternatively, one could find that they can’t earn enough money support themselves, and they might even have a family. Or, one could be studying for something and it could be too much for them to handle. Trapped Based on what is taking place for them, one can then feel as though there is nothing they can do. From the outside, it can appear as though there is nothing wrong with their life, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. One can feel as though they are in a prison, and this is going to be a prison that they can get out of. Regardless of whether they feel as though they have control over other areas of their life, this is going to be seen as something that they have no control over. Helpless What is going to have the biggest effect on them is then not going to be what is taking place; it is going to be how they feel about what is taking place. They are going to believe that they are completely powerless. And although there is the chance that they haven’t tried to change what is taking place, there is the chance that they have. But even though they have looked for answers, it won’t have had much of an effect. The Outcome Through experiencing life in this way, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they end up feeling depressed. This could be something that comes over them from time to time, or it could take over their whole life. If they were to look in the mirror, they could come to the conclusion that they are a shadow of their former self. And the longer this goes on, the harder it can be for them to get back on their feet. Awareness It would be easy to say that one just needs to be positive and their life will soon change. This could work; another option would be for one to look for the part that is within them that won’t give up. As well as this, it going to be vital for them to do everything they can to find the support and the information that they desperately need. They need to keep going, and if they can do this, there is always the chance that they will find what they need.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
In the beginning, it could be said that people generally used social media to get in touch with their friends and family; the people who they actually knew. But as time has passed, this is no longer why a lot of people use it.
As for the people who only use it to stay in touch with their friends and family, it is likely to be no different to how it was when they first started using it. Now, they might notice that the site they use no longer looks the same as it did or that others use it differently, but that could be as far as it goes. Friends If one only added people who they knew when they first started, there is the chance that this is no longer the case. Even if they have only met someone once, they could still end up adding them to their ‘friends’ list. When this takes place, they might only be thinking about how this will have an effect on how other people perceive them. For example, if one has a certain number of ‘friends’, they can end up being seen as popular. One Purpose What this can then show is they are more concerned with how they look than they are with connecting to others. This doesn’t mean that they won’t talk to others; it just means that it is unlikely to be their priority. And if one has this approach when they go online, there is a strong chance that they have a lot of ‘friends’ who are just the same. In addition to this, it might also be important for them to look right in other ways. The Perfect Life What this can then mean is that they will want other people to believe that they live the ultimate life. As a result of this, they are going to have to be very careful when it comes to what they share. It will be vital for them to share pictures where they are having a good time, and being in exotic locations will also help. If one looks as though they are enjoying themselves in a warm country, it can be normal for people to believe that they lead a good life. The Right Image Along with this, one can also have the need to look right, and this is going to be relatively easy. Not only can they choose what pictures to upload; they can also change how they look. Through using the right angle and the right light, one can take pictures where they look their best. Once this has taken place, one can make a few major or minor changes to the images. An Act In this sense, it might be accurate to say that when one uses social media, they are putting on a performance. This is their stage, and they are choosing to be someone who has their life together. But like someone who acts in the real world, they are not going to be able to truly connect to anyone when they are playing a role. Who they are has been put to one side, and their needs are going to end up being unmet. Approval When one has this approach when they go online, it is likely to show that they have a strong need for approval. If their ‘friends’ don’t give them the kind of feedback that they need, they could end up being in a bad way. However, this doesn’t mean that this is the only way they will come across when they are this way. For one thing, one might not try to create the impression that they lead the perfect life, and they might not even edit their pictures. A Number of Ways One could receive the approval they need through posting funny videos or memes that make people think about the world differently. What this shows is that one is not going to need to rely on their appearance and neither are they are going to need to travel all the time. And as long as they have some kind of device, it can allow them to receive approval whenever they need it. It is then not going to be necessary for them to delay gratification; they can fulfil this need instantly. A Closer Look When it comes to the people who behave in this way and the people who don’t, it is clear that there is a big difference. What this can show is that the people who do need a lot of approval are emotionally dependent on others. As they are unable to handle how they feel, they need other people to regulate their inner world. But this is not the only thing that can be involved here; they can also be in a position where they haven’t got any close friends. One Direction If they had people around them who they were close to, they would be able to receive the approval and the validation they need from them. And through having the ability to regulate their inner world, they wouldn’t depend on other people to do it for them. The reason one doesn’t experience life in this way and looks towards social media to give them approval can be the result of what took place during their early years. This could have been a time when they didn’t receive the kind of care that they need in order for their brain to develop in the right way. Conclusion The ability to regulate their emotions wouldn’t have developed, and this would have stopped them from feeling comfortable enough to reach out to others when they need them. Ultimately, no one is their own island, and this is why human beings need other people. But when one doesn’t receive the right care, it can set them up to be dependent on others, or to go the other extreme and become extremely independent. What this emphasises is how important it is for children to be brought up in the right way, and for there to be help available when this doesn’t happen.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: Can A Parents Fear Of Being Abandoned Cause Them To Make Their Children Dependent?30/12/2016
It is often said that it is down to parents to give their children what they need so that they can handle the world. At times, this is something that takes place, and at other times, this is something that doesn’t take place.
As a result of this, one can look like an adult from the outside but they can feel like a vulnerable child on the inside. Yet, if one doesn’t feel this way, it can be a sign that they have completely disconnected from themselves. An Act When this takes place, one is going to be playing the role of an adult; nothing more, nothing less. This is then similar to how an actor can play the role of a criminal, and this is going to be radically different to what they are like in the real world. There is the chance that the people who they come into contact with generally go along with how they behave. The average person is then going to believe that this is a reflection of who they are. Now and Then But while one can typically be out of touch with what is taking place within them, they could still find that there are moments when they are unable to keep the pain that is within them at bay. During this time, they could end up feeling depressed, and they might even feel like a fraud. And through playing a role, it could be normal for them to feel incredibly isolated from the world. It is then not going to matter if they are around others, as they won’t be able to truly connect to anyone. Confusion If one is experiencing life in this way, they could believe that this is just how life is; there is then going to be nothing that they can do about it. That’s if they allow themselves to acknowledge the pain they are in. Now, if they were aware of what happened during their early years, they might realise that there is nothing abnormal about how they are experiencing life. They are simply doing what they can to handle the pain that is within them. It Clear However, although some people can act as though they have it altogether, there are going to be others who don’t. The average person is then going to see that they are unable to handle life. Due to how they come across, they may find that it is not uncommon for people to take advantage of them. Not only that, it could be a challenge for them to support themselves, and so they may feel like a parasite. Two Sides When it comes to the former, other people could see them as being strong and confident. There is the chance that they have been able to rise to a certain position where it comes to their career, and so they might not have trouble taking care of their survival needs. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, other people could see them as being weak. If they have a job, it could be one that they don’t enjoy, and it could be a challenge for them to meet most, if not all, of their needs. Their Biggest Fear What can define how they behave can be the fear of being abandoned, and this can mean that they are dependent on others. Through being this way, it is not going to be possible for them to have relationships with others that are in balance. And it might not matter who they are with as long as they are with someone; thereby increasing their chances of being with people who are abusive. In addition to being with someone who won’t leave them, they might also need them to support them financially. Undeveloped This is likely to show that their early years were a time when they didn’t get their needs met on a consistent basis. When they were younger, they may have spent a lot of time being neglected. Along with this, their parent/s may have done everything they could to stop them from separating from them and developing their own indentify. Thus, instead of moving from one stage of their development to another, they would have stayed stuck in one stage. It Goes On What this is likely to show is that their patent/s also had a fear being abandoned, and as a way to keep this fear at bay, they did everything they could to stop one from leaving them. It could then be said that one was seen as an extension of them, as opposed to a separate human being. Through being seen in this way, it would have stopped them from getting what they needed in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult. They would have been conditioned to believe that their purpose was to take care of their needs. Role Reversal One would then have had to disconnect from their own needs and to fulfil their parent/s needs. This was then a time when they needed to be treated like a child, but they had to act like a parent instead. What this shows is that if one looks like an adult but feels like a needy child, it’s not because they is anything inherently wrong with them. It just comes down to the fact that they didn’t get their developmental needs met. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to take a deeper look into what is going on and what they can do to move forward.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the beginning of a relationship, everything can be going fine, and then as it progress certain issues can appear. This can then cause one of them to wonder how the other person could have changed so much.
In fact, it could be as if the other person has ended up becoming someone else, and this can be hard for them to handle. During this time, they might start to think about whether they were putting on an act. The Next Step This could then be a time when they will wait and see what happens; with the hope that the other person will go back to how they were. They might continue to behave in the same way, or they could adjust their behaviour. If they were to alter their behaviour, it could result in them doing more to please their partner. The alternative might be for them to no longer put in an as much effort and to come across as indifferent. A Short-Term Solution Through doing this, they may find that the other person begins to change their behaviour. But although this might work for a little while, they could soon see that it is not going to be the answer to their problems. On the other hand, one could just ignore what is taking palace and continue to behave in the same way. Even so, it is likely to be only a matter of time before they have to face up what is going on. Speaking Up Yet, if they don’t end up altering their behaviour, they could try to talk to the other person about what is taking place. This could mean that they will share their perspective on what is taking place, or they could end up having a go at them. If they were to do the former, it might make it easier for the other person to share their thoughts. This is unlikely to take place if the latter was to occur, and the other person could shut down. A Standstill It could be said that the ideal will be for one to talk about what is going on without putting their partner down. This is going to be the best way for them to change what is taking place in their relationship. If they don’t do this and the other person ends up going silent, they are not going to get anywhere. This is can then be no different to what would happen if an argument broke out. One Outcome When it is possible for one to open up without putting their partner down, it can allow the relationship to move forward. And there could be a legitimate reason as to why the other person has changed. Once one finds out about this, they may find that the relationship begins to change, and it might no longer consume their attention. This can then be seen as something that is relatively straight forward, and not something that they need to think about any more. No Different However, something like this could take palace and then before long, the relationship could go back to how it was. One could then end up going through the whole process again, and the same outcome could soon arise once more. At this point, they might no longer be willing to stay with the other person, and they might end up walking away. But even if they were to do this, it might only be matter of time before they end up getting back with them. The Reason The person they were with could say that they are no longer the same or that it will be different this time. One could then come to believe what they are saying and be only too happy to return to how things were. Having said that, regardless of whether they were to break up, one could suggest that their partner goes to see a therapist. This can be seen as something that will allow them to finally change their behaviour. The Problem What this shows it what their partner is going to be seen as the one with the issues, and so there will be no reason for one to do anything. Now, there is always the chance that their partner won’t be open to this idea. If this is the case, one could say that they will only stay with them if they go and see one. Therefore, their partner could end up working with someone, and this will then give them the chance to see why they are behaving in a way that is undermining their relationship. A New Start Through taking a deeper look within themselves and acknowledging what is taking place, they could find that their behaviour starts to change. At the same time, it might be necessary for them to do more than this. One could then find that their relationship ends up improving, and this is naturally going to have a big effect on their life. Yet, what one could also find is that they are longer attracted to them. Another Angle What this can show is that although the other persons behaviour was having a negative effect on them at a conscious level, it might have been what felt comfortable at a deeper level. The other person is no longer going to behave in the same way and this is going to stop them from feeling the same way about them. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one doesn’t just randomly end up with people who have problems. The reason they end up with people like this is because there is something that they need to deal with within themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to attract people who are right for them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was in a position where they have just learned to drive, it doesn’t mean that they will know what car they want to buy. This can come down to the fact that there are so many car manufactures out there.
What they can do here is to ask their friends and family for their advice when it comes to the car they should go for. One could find that they generally have the same outlook here, or they could all have something different to say. Another Factor It is also likely to be necessary for them to find a car that is in line with their budget, and so there might only be a few options available to them. If this is the case, they will have no other choice than to look for cars that fall under a certain price range. Fortunately, it is not going to be difficult for one to take the next step, and this is because there is going to be plenty of people who can assist them. Regardless of whether they have people around them who can offer their advice, they can go to different garages for more information. A Process In the beginning, what they hear from these people might not mean a lot to them but as time goes by, this is likely to gradually begin to change. There is then going to be no reason for them to make a rash decision. Having said that, it might not take them very long to understand everything and they will soon be able to choose a car. Now, although the kind of car that they are going to buy might be what they need at this point in time, there is the chance that it won’t meet their needs as time passes. A Different Scenario While it is going to be relatively straight forward for one to take the next step when they need a car (as long as they have enough money), the same can’t always be said when it comes to moving on from mental and emotional problems. For one thing, when one is suffering on the inside, they might not even take the next step. It can be normal for them to put up with what is taking place and to suffer in silence. Therefore, their life is not going to improve, and the people around them might not even realise what they are going through. Stepping Forward Yet, if they were to get to the point where they are no longer willing to experience life in this way, they might not know what to do next. Alternatively, they could talk to their friends and family about it. This could be a time when they say that one should go and see their doctor, or they might suggest some kind of therapy that might help them. There is also the chance that one will go and see their doctor and not talk about what they are going through to anyone they know. The Internet At the same time, they might prefer to avoid this route, and this could mean that they will look into what options are available online. If they were to take this route, they might not know where to start. Still, if they look through the different approaches and take the time to reflect on what they have come across, it might not be long until they have found something they want to try. Therefore, whether they go to see their doctor or look for something themselves, their life might soon begin to change. Progress After they have worked with someone for a few sessions, they may find that they start of feel better about themselves. There is also the chance that it will take them a little longer than this. And as time passes, they might start to see that they have reached a point where they don’t feel any different. It is then as if what they are doing is no longer working, and it might then be a good idea for them to try another approach. Attached What one can then do is to look for another approach, or they might even feel the need to find another therapist who does the same thing. But although this might be the right thing for them to do, they might not be able to do it. Through being so caught up with what they are doing, they might not want to try anything else. In the same way that someone can hold onto a jumper that no longer fits them, they can hold onto a form of therapy that has stopped working. Loyalty It can then be as if the therapy they are using is part of who they are and, if they were to try something else, they would be being disloyal. They can also have the need to please the therapist that they are working with. As a result, their own growth is going to be put to one side and it is not going to be possible for them to move forward. Ultimately, it is going to be important for them to think about why they are having therapy. Awareness What is clear is that they are not going to live forever, and this means that it is going to be in their best interest to be loyal to themselves. If a technique or a type of therapy doesn’t work, there is going to be no need for them to be loyal. And as for being loyal to a therapist, there is going to be no reason for this to take place either. If this does occur, it can be a sign that they have regressed to a child and are seeing their therapist as a parental figure.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although there are certain things that children need in order to develop into well-functioning adults, it doesn’t mean that they will always receive these things. Now, it could be said that it is not always going to be possible for a child to get their needs met.
However, this is not going to be the same as when a child’s needs are generally overlooked, or when certain needs are met, but others end up being ignored. One Experience When it relates to the former, it could mean that their emotional and physical needs will rarely, if ever, be met. There is also the chance that they won’t get the food they need or have the right clothes to wear, for instance. In this case, there is a strong chance that others will realise that something isn’t right about them. And while they could come to believe that one is being neglected, they might not go this far. Different If one was at school, their teachers could just think that they are different to most of the other children there. It could seem as though one is just lacking in confidence, and with the right support, this could be seen as something that will change. Yet even if this was to take place, they are still going to be going to an end environment at the end of each day that is not good for them. Therefore, whatever takes place whilst they are school can end up being undermined when they go home. It’s clear Alternatively, a teacher could come to see that something isn’t right, and they might start to think about what might be taking place when one is at home. The next step could be for them to get in touch with their parent/s. If this was to take place, they could find that they don’t get very far, and this could show that the parent is unwilling to cooperate. As far as they are concerned, everything could be fine at home. In Denial What this can show is not only is this child not being treated in the right way, but their parent is not going to be prepared to acknowledge what is taking place. There is the chance that this is someone who is not mentally sound. Trying to get this person to see that their child is not in a good way can be similar to trying to get a dog to talk; it is going to be a waste of time. It will then be vital for another approach to be taken to stop the child from having to suffer any longer. Another Experience When it relates to the latter, it could mean that they live in an environment where they have the clothes they need and there could always be food on the table. Their parent’s could be in a position where they have enough money to give their child what they need, whenever they need it. Through experiencing life in this way, it could make it harder for other people to realise that something isn’t right. What could add to this is that one could come across as though they are happy and confident. Normal During their time at school, their teachers could see them as being a well-adjusted child, and this could also mean that their grades are generally good. It is then not going to be necessary for them to receive special support; if anything, they might need to be given more work to do. This shows that their behaviour is likely to be seen as something positive, and not something that causes them to take a step back. There is then going to be no reason for them to get in touch with their parent/s. A Different Dynamic On the surface this child can come across as though their needs are being met, but this is going to be far from the truth. When they are around their parent/s, their true-self could typically be ignored. Said another way, their feelings and needs are going to be seen as being irrelevant, and what will be more important are their parents/s needs and feelings. In fact, one could be completely out of touch with themselves. Another Part Of Them Their child is then not going to be seen as in an individual who has their own needs and feelings; they will be seen as extension of themselves. The child is going to have to be who their parent/s wants then to be to survive. At this age, the only thing they are going to want to receive is their parent/s approval, and disconnecting from themselves is going to be a price they are only too happy to pay. This can result in one being used to fulfil needs that another adult should meet, and there can be the things that their parent/s were unable to achieve when they were younger. For Example If the child only has one parent around, this parent could use them to meet their emotional needs, amongst toner things. Thus, the child has then become the parent, and the parent has become the child. On the other hand, if one of their parents wanted to become a top sports star when they were younger but wasn’t allowed to fulfil this need or if they didn’t get as far as they wanted, they could do everything they can do make sure their child rises to the top. But even if their child is able to get to this point, it might not cause them to feel fulfilled. Awareness Yet, if they are only doing this to please their parent/s, this is not going to be much of a surprise. As they haven’t received the kind of attunement that they need to develop a strong sense of self, they could feel like an empty shell. Once they grow into an adult, this could be an experience that they are all too familiar with. This can then be a time when it will be necessary for them to take deeper look into the effect their younger years have had on them, and to do what they need to do to transform themselves.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk The Media: Does The Mainstream Media Condition People To Believe That Everything Is Black And White?28/12/2016
When it comes to being informed about the world, it is not uncommon for someone to look towards the mainstream media. There is a strong chance that this is something that has taken place for most of their life.
They could find that the people they spend time with also have the same approach, and this can mean that they have the same outlook. For that reason, one could find that their way of looking at the world is no different to these people. The Same Source As they are generally going to be exposed to the same kind of information, it could be said that this is going to be normal. In fact, it can be as if the way they view the world is the only way it can be viewed. Even so, this doesn’t mean that one will always agree with the people around them when it comes to what needs to be done, for instance. There could be times when someone else has one view and they have another. Alternative Media If one of their friends was to look towards another news source, they could believe that they are out of touch with reality. They can then be seen as the kind of person who believes anything. But as they only pay attention to the mainstream media, they can believe that they have a better idea about what is actually going on around them. The other person could be seen as someone who believes in ‘conspiracy theories’. Level Headed Unlike this person, one is aware of what is taking place in the world, as opposed to hearing about things that have no basis in reality. However, if one has paid attention to the same source for most of their life and the people around them have generally done the same, there is going to be no reason for them to think any different. It will be in their best interest to carry on doing the same thing, and they might feel the need to convert the other person. Or, they could simply label them as being crazy, and not bother to ask them why they listen to the alternative media. Opening Up If they were take the time to find out why they do this, they might soon come to see that this is someone who is aware of things that they are not. The next step might be to say that what they believe isn’t true as they haven’t heard about it. One could then be told that they only hear about what this source wants them to know, and this could cause them to experience resistance. Upon hearing this, they might want to hear more, or they could end up shutting down. A New Beginning If they do want to hear more, they could find that that they will begin to hear things that are hard to believe. It could be as if most of what they know about the world is completely false, and they could start to wonder who they can believe. But although they can experience inner unrest during this time, this can give them the ability to gain a more accurate idea of what is taking place around them. The other person can tell them where to look, or they might prefer to look for themselves. Blocked Yet, if they don’t allow themselves to hear what has been said, it can be as if they are talking to a brick wall. It is not going to be possible for the other person to get through to them; it would be better for them to change the subject. One’s mind is going to be closed, and it won’t matter how much evidence they have to back up what they are saying. If they told them that the sky was blue, they could still disagree with them. Critical Thinking What this is shows is that one is not going to be willing to question what they are told by the mainstream media. They are going to trust what they have to say and so there will be no reason for them to do this. When it comes to what this source of information sells, it is rarely going to be necessary for one to think. This is typically the result of how the mainstream media presents what is taking place in the world. Black And White Instead allowing people to come to their own conclusion, they are more likely to create the impression that there are only two sides to what is taking place. And it is not going to matter what area of life they are talking about. For example, when the time comes to have a presidential election, one candidate is often portrayed as good and another as being bad. Or if something bad has happened in the world, it can be because of what a group of people have done. One Option When it comes to the former, there is only going to be one candidate that people should vote for. This candidate is going to have good things said about them, and the other can only have bad things said about them. When it comes to the latter, there is only going to be one way to deal with what is taking place. As a result of this, these people will need to be attacked, and there will be nothing else that needs to be done. Conclusion Portraying everything in this way is going to appeal to a lot of people, as there will be no need for them to think. This is going to stop them from having to use their brain, and this is naturally going to save them a lot of energy. But while this makes life easier in the short-term, it is likely to lead to problems further down the line. If they took the time to look into what is actually going on (regardless of what the mainstream media is talking about), they are likely to see that there is far more to it.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to go out into the world with the intention of finding another person to be with, it is going to be important for them to come across in the right way. Now, this is not to say that there is only going to be one way for them to behave.
For one thing, it can be necessary for them to put a certain amount of effort into their appearance before they go out, and then for them to be confident when they are out. Along with this, they can decide if they will come across in a humorous manner or as being laid back, for instance. Different Requirements What this comes down to is that although there will be certain things that one will need to do, there are going to be other things that are not as essential. When it comes to the latter, it can all depend on the kind of person they want to attract. In addition to this, the kind of environment that one goes into can also play a part in who they will come into contact with. As a result of this, one could look right and behave in the right way, but if they are in the wrong place it might not matter. Anything Is Possible It could be said that there is also the chance that one will find someone who is right for them if they go out to a night club. After all, all types of people can be found in these places, and there can be a number of reasons as to why someone would go there. As although they might not go there every week; they could go there if one of their friends is celebrating their birthday. Other than that, they might prefer to go to a bar or to stay in with friends. The Down Side Yet, one could find that this is not the best place for them to meet someone to be with. They could find that most of the people in these places are the same, or that they are too drunk to talk to. It might then be better for them to find a bar to go to, and this would give them the chance to hear what another person is saying. Or they could go to a social club, and this will allow them to see what someone is like without being under the influence of alcohol. Another Side As even if one was to meet someone in a night club who they like, they could find that they are not the same without alcohol. They might find that they are still attracted to them, or they might feel the need to get away from them. And if one was drinking when they were out, the other person might end up having a similar experience. If only wanted to fulfil their sexual needs, they may find what they are looking for by going to a night club. Times Have Changed However, while going somewhere like this would have been the main option in the past, it could be said that this is no longer the case. Nowadays, one can go online if they want to find someone, and this means that they want need to go anywhere. Providing they have a Smartphone or something similar, they can go online and use a dating app. Once they have joined a site, they can upload a few pictures and write about themselves. The Right Match When it comes to finding the right person, they can search for the kind of person that they want to be with. There are likely to be a number of different options for them to choose from, and it can be as if they can find the perfect person. One might find that they need to find someone who has the right look, and this means that they might only look through a profile if they like their appearance. The next step can then be for them to look through what each person has written about themselves. The Description If one was to take the time to do this, this can give them the chance to find out what someone’s personality is like. They could also talk about how they like to spend their time. At times, someone can talk about the kind of person they want to talk to and the kind of person they want to avoid. This could then be seen as a sign that this is someone who has a clear idea about who they want to be with. Reading between the Lines Alternatively, the reason why they talk about the kind of person they don’t want to be with can be because they often end up with people like this. If one believes that they have no control over who they attract into their life, this could be something that they will overlook. Yet, if they believe that this not something that just happens, they are unlikely to believe that other people randomly attract people into their life. In this case, what someone has written can be seen as something that can’t be ignored. Moved On There is the chance that what happened is behind them, and this can mean that they have taken the time to work through their issues. On the other hand, this might not have taken place, and it might only be a matter of time before they end up in the same position. One might decide to meet them even though they have taken a deeper look into what they have written, or they could decide to move onto someone else. It is going to be down to them to listen to themselves. Awareness If one is completely different to the kind of person who they say they don’t want to meet, they might not be attracted them. Even though the other person might want to attract someone who is healthy, this might not be what feels comfortable at a deeper level. The ideal might be for this person to reach out for external support so that they can move beyond this. This is something that can take place through reading a book or by working with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone hasn’t eaten for a little while, they can end up eating things that are not good for them. Due to how hungry they are, it can stop them from being able to resist this type of food.
They can find that their will power has deserted them and that they don’t even take the time to think about if they are doing the right thing. They are going to have a strong desire to fulfil a need, and that will be the only thing that matters. Off Balance What this shows it that there can be times when it is not going to be possible for one to behave as they would like to. Even so, it could be said that this is just part of life, as they are not always going to be able to exercise self-control. In general, one could find that this is something that rarely takes place, and so there will be no reason for them to beat themselves up about it. They could take the time to think about how most of their life is spent doing things that are good for them. A Way of life However, if this was something that took place on a regular basis, it wouldn’t be something that they can simply overlook. In this case, they could find that they are carrying more weight than they need to. But if this is not something they can relate to, they are likely to find that they are not very healthy. There will then be the state of their health and there will be the effect this is having on their mental and emotional health. A New Approach Therefore, the sooner one does something about this; the sooner they will begin to improve their health. On one hand, one will need to look into what kind of food they need to eat in order to be healthy. This can take place through looking on the internet, or through speaking to someone who has a deeper understanding of this area of life. And on the other hand, it will be necessary for them to develop will power. A Process What is clear is that their life is not going to change overnight, but this doesn’t mean that it will take forever. Through taking the first step and doing something each day, they will be sure to achieve their desired outcome. Another Area And while one might be able to identify with the above example, they might find that there is something else that is causing then problems. There is the chance that they have moments when they are needy, and this then causes them to behave in ways that are entirely out of character. As a result of behaving this way, they could often end up pushing people away. When they meet someone, they could behave as they usually do, but once the relationship progresses this could all change. A Missed Opportunity If one was to look back on their life, they could start to wonder why they behave in this way. During this time, they might see that this hasn’t always taken place, and that there have been times when they were able to be themselves. It is then as if this is something that comes and goes, and there is nothing they can do about it. Naturally, this is going to be something that will cause them to experience pain and frustration. The Other Extreme What is going to cause one to experience even more pain is if this is what always takes place. They could then find that this stops them from getting too close to anyone, and so they are going to be used to be single. And through experiencing life in this way, there is a strong chance that they will feel even needier. As a result, this can cause them to come on even stronger and this will make it even easier for people to reject them. Walked Over Yet regardless of whether this happens on the odd occasion or as a way of life, it could also set them up to be taken advantage of. If one was to attract someone, they could find that they end up putting up with bad behaviour. And although there is the chance that the other person will end up walking away before too much time has passed, there is also the chance that they will stay around for quite some time. As to how long one will be treated badly can then depend on how long the other person stays around for. One Focus One could find that they overlook what is taking place, as they don’t want the other person to leave them. Either consciously or unconsciously, this could be something that the other person is only too aware of. This is likely to mean that one won’t be respected by them, but it can still cause one to be used by them. If they were to leave them, it could be because they have found someone else to use. Another Way But even if they don’t leave them, it is going to be a good idea for one to take a step back from what is taking place. When one behaves in this way, it can show that they don’t value themselves. What can also play a part here is if one is carrying unmet needs from their early years, as these needs will cause them to feel like a needy child and to expect too much from others. This shows that there can be a number of different factors involved here, and that it is not black and white Awareness When it comes to moving forward, one might be able to do this by themselves, or they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
It is often said that relationships are about give and take, and it would be hard to argue with this. When two people get together, they will both have their own needs, and it is going to be important for their needs to be met.
Even so, this is not to say that both of them are going to have the same needs. There are likely to be certain needs that they both have, and then they can be others that are unique to each person. The Basics When it comes to the needs that both of them have, it can relate to the need to be heard, respected, and appreciated, for instance. In addition to this, there can be their physical and sexual needs. As long as they are both in touch with these needs, it shouldn’t be a challenge for them to get them met. It could be said that it might be a good idea for one to be there for the other person. Point of Focus Through extending themselves to the other person, it is likely to result in their needs being met. That is providing that the person they are with isn’t self-centred and is also willing to extend themselves. There are then going to be moments when one gives and moments when they receive, and overall this should allows each of them to get what they need. There they can be times when one gives more than they receive, but this is just part of life. The Foundation What matters is that each person is committed to the relationship, as this will enable them to be there for each other. Also, if one of them is not getting their needs met, they will need to talk to their partner about it. If this was to take place, it would be easy for one to get annoyed, or to feel as though their needs are being ignored. Yet, what this could show is that the other person is simply unaware of what they need. Mind Reading If human beings could read minds, it wouldn’t be necessary for something like this to take place. It would then be possible for two people to get together and they would instantly know what they need. At the same time, when two people get together and they are in tune with one another, they are likely to get a sense of what their needs are. This doesn’t mean that they will be able to always get it right though. At First In the beginning of a relationship, there can be a greater chance of each person getting their needs met. The reason for this is that each of them can have the desire to please the other, and this can bring out their best behaviour. As time goes by and they begin to feel more at ease, it is going to be normal for their behaviour to change. The change could be dramatic, or it might be hard for them to notice the difference. Moving On If they feel comfortable with each, they might no longer expect their relationship to be the same as it was in the beginning. Both of them can have an understanding of what the other person likes and this can make it a lot easier than it was at the start. What can also occur during this time is that one person can completely change their behaviour. And although they are going to look the same, the other could wonder if they are with someone else. Out of Balance Consequently, this could cause them to put in even more effort as a way to change what is taking place. Based on what is taking place, they could believe that this will allow the relationship to go back to how it was in the beginning. In the short-term, this might cause the other person to alter their behaviour, but this might not last for very long. The next step might be for them to do even more for them, even though what they were doing hasn’t caused the other person to alter their behaviour. Positive Reinforcement The trouble with this is that instead of one letting the other person know that they are not pleased with what is taking place, they are validating their behaviour. The less effort they put into the relationship, the more one puts in. Therefore, there is going to be no reason for the other person to change their behaviour. If one was to no longer put in as much effort, it might allow the other person to see that their behaviour is not acceptable. Opening Up One thing that one could do is to talk about how they see things, and to see what the other person says. This will give the other person the chance to share what is going on for them, and there might be a reason why they are behaving in this way. Alternatively, they could say that they haven’t changed, and they could accuse one of being too needy, for instance. What this could show is that they are not aware of how their behaviour has changed. Awareness After hearing this, one could take the time to reflect on what is taking place, and to decide on what they are going to do next. If the other person is not willing to acknowledge what is taking place, they are unlikely to get very far. In this case, it might be a good idea for them to ask themselves if they want to stay with them. They could find that the sooner they move on from this person, they better their life will be.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|