For some people, it is not going to matter what someone looks like as they won’t put up with behaviour that has a negative effect on them. Therefore, if they have just met someone or if they are in a relationship, their behaviour is not going to change.
But if there is a difference, they could find that they are more tolerant when they are in a relationship. In this case, they are likely to have a greater attachment to the other person, and so this is to be expected. In The Beginning If one was to find themselves in a relationship with someone like this, they could think about what they were like when they first came into contact with them. During this time, they may see that they were not like this. They could find that although there were minor things back then, their behaviour was completely different to what it is like now. Even so, that is going to be in the past, and it will be up to them up deal with what is currently taking place. Looking Back At the same time, one could find that they were in a relationship like this not too long ago. As a result of what was taking place, they might have soon let the other person know that their behaviour wasn’t acceptable. And as they are no longer with them, there is a strong chance that they were not willing to change. At first, they might have adjusted their behaviour but as time passed, it might have gone back to how it was. Well-Being It would then have been in their best interest to cut their ties and to put their own needs first. If they put their own needs to one side and continued to put up with this behaviour, their mental and emotional health would have paid the price. When it comes to the person who is currently with someone like this, they might be able to relate to this. If they were to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they could find that they are not at their best. Interdependent Now, if one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter who they had in their life. One could have someone like this is their life and it wouldn’t have an effect on them. Yet, as one is an interdependent human being, it means that they are always being affected by their surroundings. Therefore, if they have someone in their life who undermines them, it is going to make it harder for them to be at their best. One Purpose When one is in a situation like this, their energy is going to be used to deal with something that is taking their energy away. And as they are not receiving anything from this, it is going to be normal for them to end up feeling drained. It is going to be as if one is constantly fighting a battle, and this will be a battle where no one is coming to help them. They are giving their energy away, but the same person is not giving them anything. Two Sides If one was to take a step back from it all, they could see that they are experiencing inner conflict. Part of them might see how destructive it is to be with this person, and another part of them might not be willing to let go. What could come to mind is how attractive the other person is, and it could seem as though this is what is causing them to hold on. Still, as having this person is their life is no longer having a positive effect on their life, there is only going to be one part of them that they are going to pay attention to. The Right Move Through being able to do this and to end the relationship, it shouldn’t take very long for them to return to how they felt before. And regardless of how they feel, it would have been a lot worse if they had stayed with the same person. They now have the chance to meet someone who is going to treat them in the right way. One might end up looking for someone else soon after, or they might decide to take a break from it all. Caught Up On the other hand, if one is unable to walk away, their mental and emotional health is only going to get worse. They could find that they don’t want to lose the other person, and this could be due to what they look like. One is then going to lose their own sanity in order to keep someone in their life who they find attractive. If one was able to take a step back from this, they might soon wonder what is going on. External Feedback This could also be a time when the people around them start to ask them the same question, but they might not get very far. It can be as if one is in a haze, and their ability to think clearly will have all but disappeared. What this can show is that one values the other person more than they value themselves. Through feeling so low, they haven’t got the strength to do what they need to do, and this is going to set them up to experience even more pain. Another Side And while one can hold onto the hope that the other person will stay around, it can end up having the opposite effect. As one is putting up with bad behaviour, it is likely to cause the other person to lose respect for them. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Nowadays, it is not longer necessary for one to be with someone in order to speak to them. It could be said that this is nothing new, as it has been possible to speak to people over the phone for a quiet some time.
However, what is relatively new is that this doesn’t need to take place either, and this is because one can simply message another person when they want to talk to them. This is going to mean that they won’t need to see them, and they won’t need to use their voice. A Big Difference Consequently, this is something that is going to save them a lot of time and effort. Ultimately, whenever one wants to speak to someone they can, and there is going to be no reason for them to hold anything in. Thus, if something comes to mind, they can instantly tell someone about it. Now, there is the chance that one will get a reply straight away, or they might need to wait a little while. Part of It Yet, they are speaking to separate human being, so this is to be expected. If another person was only on this planet to meet their needs, there would be no reason for them to wait. They would both have separate bodies, but that would be as far as it goes. Through understanding that another person has their own life to lead; it can allow one to be patient. Attached One could find that even though there are times when they are able to send a message and then to let go, there are times when this doesn’t happen. This is something that can all depend on what they are talking about. For example, if one was talking about something serious or they were making plans, they might not be able to take their eyes off their phone. The rest of their life can then be put to one side until they receive a reply. Another Scenario On the other hand, this is something that could occur is one was talking to someone they were attracted to. Part of them can have the desire to go to the next stage, and so they will want to keep the conversation going. How they feel can end up being defined by whether they hear back from them or not. When this takes place, it could be as if they are on top of the world, but if it doesn’t, they could soon come crashing down. It’s Easy If the other person no longer wanted to talk to them, it is not going to be difficult for them to go silent. The only thing they will have to do is to stop replying to one’s messages, and they can then carry on with their life. They are both going to be talking to a screen and so it is not going to be the same as it would be if they were talking in person. If they were, there would be a greater need for the other person to explain why they no longer want to talk to them. It’s Clearer In addition to this, it is a lot harder to see what is going on for someone from behind a screen. They can say one thing, but that doesn’t mean that it matches up with what is actually going on for them. For that reason, one could be messaging someone and it can appear as though it is going in the right direction, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Also, as one is only exchanging words over a screen and they are not bonding like they would if they were together in person, it might not have an effect on the other person if they were to go silent. Pros and Cons What this shows is that while today’s technology has made it easier to talk to people, it has also created another set of problems. Yet if emotional bonds are developed through spending time with someone, this is to be expected. Regardless of how much the world has changed or how busy people are, what has taken place for thousands of years is not just going to change. This is then similar to how human beings are more likely to use their brain than their body in today’s world, but that doesn’t mean that they can neglect their body. The Other Side And while one could me messaging someone and end up being ignored, they could also have a slightly different experience. In this case, someone could message them and say that they want to meet them. They could then arrange a time to meet and when the time comes for them to get together, the other person could say that they are too busy. At one point, they are going to be hot, and then at another point, they are going to be cold. Mystified This could be a one-off, or it could be something that has happened on more than one occasion. If it only happens once, one might be able to forget about it and carry on as if nothing has happened. But if this was to happen more than once, they might begin to wonder what is going on. After the first time it has happen, they might be willing to give them another chance, or they could draw the line after the first time it happens. Emotional Regulation What this can show is that this is someone who reaches out to them when they are feeling unstable and, through getting in touch with them, it allows them to settle down. They will then have received what they wanted, and there will be no reason for them to take things further. One way of looking at this would be to say that they didn’t have the desire to meet them in the first place; they just wanted to change their emotional state. The trouble is that although this has a positive effect on their well-being, its causes them to use another person. Awareness If one finds themselves in a situation like this, it might be in their best interest to no longer talk to them. Through taking this approach, it will save them a lot of drama, and they will be able to talk to someone who is not going to play games. Yet, if one finds that they have the tendency to use other people in this way, it will be a good idea for them to develop their own emotional strength. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk The Media: Are Films Better Than The Mainstream Media When It Comes To Conditioning People?25/12/2016
For quite some time now, there has been one source that people look towards to be informed and another when they want to be entertained. This is not to say that someone thinks about one of these sources when they want to be informed/entertained, as it is likely to be something that just happens.
Over The Years There is the chance that one has been exposed to these sources from a very young age, and this is why they want need to consciously think about them. Instead, they can simply look into what is taking place in the world, or see what films are out, for instance. If, on the other hand, they needed to think about how they can find out what is taking place or how they can amuse themselves, they would need to use more energy. Once one of these needs arises, they can soon come into contact with what they desire. One Experience This could mean that one spends about as much time learning about what is taking place in the world as they do being distracted from it. In this case, one could have a reasonable understanding when it comes to what is going on, and when it comes to films, they might be fairly up to date. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have a fairly balanced approach to it all. Therefore, if someone was to talk about something that has just taken place or a film that has just come out, they might be able to have a conversation with them. Another Way Alternatively, one could be in a position where they have the tendency to focus more on what is going on around them. They might watch films from time to time, but that could be as far as it goes. Yet, if this is not how they experience life, it could show that they spend more time watching films. When it comes to what is taking place in the world, it could be seen as something they haven’t got time for. The Odd Occasion At the same time, even if one experienced life in this way, it doesn’t mean that they will always behave in this way. There could be moments when they will take a step back from what they would usually do. For example, if they are going through a tough time, they might feel the need to watch more films; this can then be a way to deal with the pain/stress that they are experiencing. If something catastrophic is taking place in the world, it could cause them to sit up and take notice, and to forget about being entertained for a little while. Omnipresent When it comes to the technology that is available in today’s world, it is not going to be difficult for one to fulfil these two needs. The only thing they will need in order for this to take place will be to have some kind of device. Through going online with a Smartphone/tablet, they will be able to find all the news they desire and as much entertainment as they can handle. Some of this will be free, and there can be times when they will have to pay. Two Sides On one side, there is going to be how this benefits the average person; With them no longer having to put in as much effort to come into contact with what they need. A lot of the time they would have spent looking for the news or going to buy a DVD, for instance, can now be used in other ways. And on the other side, there is going to be the effect this has on the mainstream media and the film companies. The first source no longer needs people to come to them; they can deliver the news to them directly. Online This can take through posting articles on social media, and so as long as someone ‘likes’ or ‘follows’ them, they will be able to stay up to date. Or, they can simply go onto a search engine and find out that way. When it comes to entertainment, one can join a website that will allow them to watch a film or a series whenever they want to. It is then going to be possible for them to get their productions right in front of people. Direct Access In the past, the primary way for these sources to gain people’s attention was for them to watch TV. This gave the people behind these sources a lot of control over people, and it could be said that the latest technology has given them even more. However, although the mainstream media defined how people saw the world in the past, this is no longer the case. For one thing, they can now look towards the alternative media, and this has taken a lot of their power away. Its Over When it came to what this source of information said in the past, it would have been difficult for people to know if it was true or not. Nowadays, they can look towards other sources to see if there is more to it. Through being able to do this, it has been shown that the mainstream media don’t simply exist to inform people. It might be more accurate to say that their main purpose is to condition people to see the world in a certain way. It’s not over Even so, while the mainstream media no longer has the same amount of control as it used to have, the same can’t be said when it comes to entrainment industry. It can be normal for someone to be critical of what they hear from the mainstream media, but when they watch something they can simply take it all in. But if they believe that films are only made to entertain people, there is going to be no reason for them to take a step back. Thus, when it comes to conditioning people, it could be said that films are going to be the best option. Conclusion Now, clearly there are lot of people who no longer listen to the mainstream media, but there are still plenty of people who do. And while there is an alternative when it comes to being informed, the same can’t be said when it comes to being entertainment. After a hard day at work, one can end up sitting back and allowing everything they see to enter their mind. On the surface, they can be watching something that has been created to entertain them, but at a deeper level, there can be far more to it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If man/woman was asked what they think about the opposite sex, they could say that they are all the same. As a result of this, this is likely to mean that they haven’t got a positive view of them.
But if this wasn’t the case and they say that every man/woman is wonderful, it could be said that they have an idealised view of them. If one was to identify with the former, they may say that this is more realistic that the latter. Two Extremes Yet, regardless of whether they believe that all men/women are either good or bad, it could be said that their outlook is out of balance. Ultimately, there are going to be good and bad in both sexes. This would be similar to saying that all dogs are the same, and it could be said that this would be ridiculous. Cleary, there are going to be dogs that are well behaved, and dogs that are not. Overlooked However, although one could realise that not all dogs are the same, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to see the opposite sex in the same way. And if someone was to point this out to them, they could end up dismissing it. Therefore, their outlook can end up being seen as the truth, and it is not going to matter what information they are exposed to. Along with this, the men/women who they come into contact with who are different are unlikely to have an effect on them either. Support Through being this way, there is a strong chance that they are surrounded by people who have a similar outlook. These people are then going to give them the feedback they need, and they won’t encourage them to question how they see life. The kind of experiences one has with men/women is then likely to match up with the experiences they have. If one didn’t have anyone around them who experienced life as they do, they could end up feeling disconnected. Relationships What this could mean is that one will only be friends with people who are the same sex as them. In this case, they are only going to engage with the opposite sex when they have to, and this could relate to when they are at work or when they go out into the world. Or, if they are friends with the opposite sex, it could simply be a means to an end. It is then not that they like them; it is that they have them around as this is something that will enhance their life in some way. One Step Further And if they have relationships with them, this could be a time when they experience a lot of drama. In general, they could be the ones who are taken advantage of, or they could be the ones who take advantage of the man/woman. On one hand, their relationships could be unfulfilling and make them wonder if they should bother. And on the other hand, this could be a time when they end up experiencing some kind of abuse. Up and Down This area of their life can then be something that they would like to forget about, and this is not going to be much of a surprise. Once one relationship comes to an end, they could end up having no desire to be with someone else. After a little while has passed, they could change their mind, and they might hope that this time it will be different. What this shows it that as they have the desire to be with someone, it might not matter what they have been through in the past. Stepping Back If they were able to step back from what they believe and from the experiences they have been having, it would give them the chance to see life differently. At the same time, if one is completely consumed by what is taking place, this is not going to happen. One is then going to be controlled by their mind, and they are going to be nothing more than slave. Through being this way, they will continue to have experiences that validate what they believe about the opposite sex. Normal One way of looking at what is taking place, would be to say that the experiences they are having prove that all men/women are the same. But what this would overlook is that one is not an observer of their reality. Thus, it is not that one is simply observing the world; it is that they are only experiencing what their mind allows them to experience. It would then be more accurate to say that one is a co-creator of their reality. Unaware The trouble is that when one is completely attached to what is taking place within them and they are unable to step back, they are not going to be able to see what is taking place. The experiences that they have can be seen as a reflection of what the world is like. What can also play a part here if is one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember. This can be just how life is, and there will be no reason for them to believe that they are having an effect on their reality. In the Beginning When it comes to how one sees men/women, it can be the result of how they were treated during their younger years, and how these people treated each other. These experiences would have played a big role in what they believe, and it would have been their mind and not their eyes that would go onto define what they did or didn’t see. Awareness If one is unable to see that not all men/women are the same and they want to change this, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist. This can be a time where they will question what they believe, and they may have a lot of emotional pain to work through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although one can have the desire to be with someone, they may find that they unable to take the next step. What this is likely to show, is that they are experiencing inner conflict.
And until the part of them that wants to start a relationship is stronger than the part of them that doesn’t, their life is unlikely to change. It is then going to be important for them to take a closer look into what is taking place. The Hurdle This could be a time where one will come to see that they are unsure as to whether another person would want to be with them. One could find it hard to believe that they have anything to offer in a relationship. Thus, if they were to meet someone, it wound only be a matter of time before they realise this. It would then be necessary for them to put on an act in order to keep someone around. Stuck As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to move forward, and this could carry on for quite some time. Yet, if one is unable to take a step back from what is taking place within them, this is to be expected. Now, there is always the chance that they will end up meeting someone and go along with it. They could find that they start to see themselves differently, and this experience is then going to be very healing. Another Outcome At the same time, it might not be long until the other person begins to treat them badly, and this is then going to validate how they see themselves. The relationship can begin to crumble and they might soon be back where they were. Or, one could end up putting up with what is taking place, and they will end up feeling even worse. But if one doesn’t value themselves, there is going to be no reason for them to walk away. It’s Comfortable For example, if one had just been sitting by a fire and they were to go out into the snow, they would instantly feel the difference. This comes down to the fact that where they were was very hot and where they went was very cold. In the same way, if one treats themselves badly, being treated badly by someone else is not going to be any different. This is not going to be something that gives them the urge to get away. A Different Dynamic This is then going to be no different to what would happen if one treated themselves well and ended up with someone who treated them badly. Being treated in this way would cause them to feel uncomfortable, and they would soon walk away. If other people were to hear about this, they might say that this is how someone should behave. And if they were to come into contact with someone who stays in a relationship that is abusive, they could find it hard to understand what is going on. Caught Up On the other hand, one might not want to start a new relationship due to what they have recently been through. What this can show is that they have been through a breakup, and this has caused them to experience a lot of pain. As while they are no longer with the other person, they might find it hard to stop thinking about them. Through being this way, they are naturally going to need to take a bit of time to settle down. Patience Part of them may want to find someone else to be with, but it could be said that it will be in their best interest to take a break. Once they are on their feet again, they will be ready to meet someone else. And as to how long this will take can all depend on how they feel; there is not going to be a set time here. One could also find that they meet someone before they feel ready, and it will be down to them to decide if they should go along with it. Too Soon If they were to start a relationship even though they are not ready, they could end up using the other person. Having them in their life is then going to be a way for them to avoid how they feel. Physically they will be with this person, but their mind and heart can be with the person they were with. Out of their desire to run away from their own pain; they will inflict pain onto someone else. Further Back But while they one could be still be attached to someone they were with a short while ago, it could relate to someone they were with many years ago. And this could be the very first person they were with. When this took place, they could have been a teenager or in their early twenties, for instance. And if this wasn’t the first person they were with, it could be the first relationship that had a big impact on them. Stuck In The Past Perhaps the relationships they had before this didn’t last for very long, or just didn’t pull them in in the same way. Therefore, while one could be caught up with their first love, it might be more accurate to say that is was their second or third love. A number of years may have passed since this took place and, while they may have been with people since then, they might have stayed single. There is also the chance that they are currently in a relationship. Confusion On one hand, one could look back on when they were with them and think about how great it was. It is then going to be more or less irrelevant as too how many years have passed since they were together. But on the other hand, one could find that even though they still experience a strong emotional reaction when they think back, they might wonder why this is. Based on what they have been through since (or even if they haven’t had a lot of experiences), they might see that it wasn’t even that good. The First Love From a rational perspective, there is going to be no reason for them to be so caught up with what took place. Yet, when it comes to how they feel about the past, it will be as if this was unlike anything else. One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason it had such a big effect on them is because it was the first of its kind, so to speak. It is then not necessarily about who they were with or what happened; it’s due to the fact that it was the first time they met someone who they got attached to. Awareness When one looks back, they can end up having an idealised view of what took place, as opposed to being able to see that it wasn’t perfect. Before this happened, they wouldn’t have had these experiences before, and person they were with would have been the person who they shared them with for the first time. It could be said that it is not necessary for one to completely forget about their first love to be able to move on; they only need to get to a certain point. The Assistance of a therapist might be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although there are some people who are seen as successful, there are others who are seen differently. What this can come down to is that success is often seen as being something that depends on how well one is doing in their career.
Ergo, if someone is not doing well in their career, other people can come to the conclusion that they are not successful. At the same time, this can also take place if one is doing well in a profession that is not held in high esteem by the society they live in. Different Levels For example, if one was a prominent musician or actor, they could be seen as someone who has ‘made it’. There are likely to be plenty of people who look up to them, and they might be only too happy to be in their position. On the other hand, if one has a built up a funeral business or their own cleaning company, for instance, they are unlikely to be seen in the same light. Based on what they have achieved, it is clear that they deserve to be put into the same category as the person above. Approval For that reason, if one wanted to receive a lot of approval from others, they might need to take the time to look into what people generally appreciate. If they need to do this, it is not going to take them long to find something to work towards. The trouble with this is that they can end up neglecting their own needs in the process. Some of their needs will be fulfilled, but the rest to their needs are not going to be met, and this will set them up to suffer. A Long Way But before any of this takes place, they might need to wait a number of years before they are able to achieve the level of success they desire. And even if they were to do something for a long time, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to get to where they want to be. For one thing, they could find that although they want to achieve something, they haven’t got the drive to do it. Or, if might be a challenge for them to delay gratification, and this is going to make it harder for them to be consistent. One Focus However, if one is able to channel their energy into what they want to achieve, there is always the chance that they will make it. Once they get to where they want to be, it could be how they have always imagined. Having said that, they could feel as though something is missing; it is then going to meet their expectations. This could be a time when they will look into why they feel this way, or they could find something else to achieve. The Fuel When it comes to achieving something significant and gaining the approval of others, it can be easier if one is carrying a lot of pain. This pain is then what gives them the drive to rise to the top. The level of drive they have could be something that other people admire, and they might wonder how they can develop it themselves. There is the chance that the pain that drives them was created during their early years. Still Searching During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have meant they didn’t receive the love that they needed. The approval they needed didn’t arrive, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. They could have been used to feeling powerless and insignificant, and there might not have been anyone around for them to talk to. What they missed out on at this time is then what they are looking to receive as an adult (and this is likely to take place unconsciously). The Same old Story Yet, what one is likely to find is that this only causes them to re-experience how they felt as a child. What they are likely to find is that they are unable to receive what they desperately need. No matter what they attain, they can still find that something is missing; the emptiness they felt as a child is not going to disappear. For them to change how they feel, they will need to face themselves. No More Running Through getting in touch with how they feel and working through it, it will give them the chance to change their life. What they didn’t get during this time is not going to be given to them by another adult. But while someone can become successful due to being brought up in this way, they can also experience life in this way if their childhood was different. They could find that while their parents were strict, they were supportive. Another Dynamic What this can show is that while one wasn’t physically abused or neglected, they suffered in another way. During this time, their parents might have had no interest in who they were, and had the need for them to fulfil a certain role. One was then not seen as an individual with their own needs and feelings; they were an extension of their parents. Thus, if one was approved of or not, would have depended on whether they did what they wanted and met their expectations. Survival The only way for them to handle these years would have been to work hard and to do well in whatever they did (or a certain area). The pressure is likely to have been immense, and this would have set them up to be a human doing. Their value would have been based on what they did, as opposed to who they are as a person. Therefore, although one can look as though they lead the ideal life as an adult, this can be nothing more than an illusion. Awareness On the inside, they are likely to feel worthless, and this is why it is going to be so important for them to main the right image. As if this was to change, they are going to believe that people would realise how flawed they are, and this would result in them being rejected and abandoned. Ultimately, one is not worthless, but that doesn’t mean that they can just let go of how they feel about themselves. The right support is likely to be needed here, and this can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone is at a point in their life where they are unable to move forward, it can be necessary for them to look for new information. Through taking this approach, it can give them the chance to see what they need to do differently.
Normal One could find that this is just part of life, and not something that they need to think about. Therefore, if they feel stuck or need to change their life in some way, they will end up reaching out. As a result of this, they could find that it doesn’t take long for them to make progress in life. Or if this doesn’t take place, it could be a sign that it relates to something that is not going to change overnight. For Example If one wanted to find out how to build something, they could go online and look for the instructions. When it comes to building a table, for instance, it might not take them very long. On the other hand, if they wanted to build a shed, it is likely to take them a lot longer. Even so, the main thing is that they know what needs to take place in order for them to achieve their desired outcome. Another Outcome Alternatively, one could have the desire to build something, but that could be as far as it goes. The reason for this could be due to them not knowing to do, and this shows that they are not going to take the next step. Instead of looking for what they need to do to get the ball moving, they could believe that it can’t be done. If one was to behave in this way, it would be easy to say that it’s because they are not as intelligent. The Difference However, what it could come down to is that they are willing to look for answers. It is then not going to matter if they know something or not, as they will be only too happy to find out. It could be said that this is why it is so important to be curious, as without being this way one’s life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. Through having this ability, it can stop their mind from getting too caught up in what it believes and enable them to find out new things. The Other Option When this doesn’t take place, it can cause one to only come into contact with information that will validate what they already believe. Now, this is going to strengthen their outlook, but it won’t do much else. If everything they believed was the truth, this wouldn’t be something that would have a negative effect on their life. One could carry on behaving in the same way and they wouldn’t need to do anything else. Stuck But as this is not how life works, it is going to be vital for them to be open to new information. This will stop them from being closed-minded, and it will then give them the opportunity to move forward in life. If someone was to pay attention to what is taking place in one’s life, they could come to the conclusion that they are luckier than other people. This could be someone who is unable to move forward and doesn’t know what to do. Reaching Out Yet, if they were able to look into why they are experiencing life in this way, it would give them the chance to change the direction of their life. There is a strong chance that their life is the way it is due to the information they have attained up until this point. Thus, the only way their life is going to change if it they open themselves to a new way of looking at what is taking place. What they could do here is to go onto a search engine and to search for something. Another Way Not only can this allow them to move forward, it can also give them the chance to update how they see the world, for instance. For example, one might have believed something for years and it might not longer be accurate. This could mean that it sets them up to perceive things in the wrong way, and to come across as though they are out of touch with the world. At the same time, it could also have caused them to suffer for a number of years. Corrective information Once they allow themselves to take in new information, it can be similar to what happens when a computer program is updated. At one point in time, it would have been the latest version, but as time passed, it ended up being out of date. In the same way, there might have been a time when what one believed reflected reality, and as time has gone by, this is not always going to be the case. The new information that they come across will give them the chance to question what they already believe, and it will be down to them to see if they need to let go of what they believe. A New Outlook What one can find during this time is that they can feel the need to hold onto what they believe, and that taking on new information causes them to feel unconformable. It might not matter if what they believe is wrong, as their mind can have the desire to hold on to it. This is something that they can acknowledge and then continue to go down the same path. After a while, they may soon begin to settle down, and the same process can happen all over again when they come across something else. Awareness One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be taking control of their mind, as opposed to being controlled by their mind. If they were to be more concerned with being right than being open to new information, it is going to stop them from being able to grow.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are people who have the tendency to attract the kind of people who they want to be with, there are others who are not going to be able to relate to this. As a result, this area of their lives is likely to be radically different.
From the Outside If one was to come across these kinds of people, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to realise what category they fit into. For one thing, there is the chance that they will assume that their appearance will play an important part in how in what is taking place. Therefore, if someone is attractive, they would believe that they generally end up with the right people. The people who are not attractive can then be seen as the ones who are unable to find the right people to be with. Another Angle It could be said that it is to be expected that they will have this outlook, and this is partly due to how much attention is given to how someone looks. There is often the assumption that one’s relationships will be perfect if they work on their appearance. Thus, if they look right this area of their life will go how one wants it to go, and if this doesn’t happen, it’s a sign that they need to change how they look. Even so, if one was to talk to these people and to put their assumptions to one side, they might soon find out that it is not this black and white. Unexpected They could start to see that even though someone looks good, it has absolutely no effect on what their relationships are like. It might make it easier for them to attract people, but that could be about as far as it goes. Based on how they look, it can allow them to get their foot in the door, so to speak, but after this point, it could be as though their looks are overlooked. It is then going to be similar to how a child can be consumed by a new toy and then as time passes, they can end up leaving it outside. Another Experience If one was to speak to someone who wouldn’t be classed as attractive, they could believe that their life would be different if they were. Now, there is a strong chance that it would make it easier for them to attract someone, but it is not going to be the answer to their problems. They would only have to talk to someone who is attractive to understand this, and this might give them the chance to reflect on what they believe. At the same time, they might dismiss what they hear. The Next Step This could then cause them to look for a way to improve their appearance, and there is likely to be a number of things that they can do. As to what they do can all depend on how driven they are and on how much money they have. For example, they could decide to join a gym, and this is going to mean that they will need to have the ability to delay gratification. It might not take long for them to see a difference, but it could take a while for them to transform their body. A Process Ultimately, what kind of condition their body is in and how long it takes for their body to respond will play a big part in this. If on the other hand, they were to have surgery; their appearance is likely to change a lot sooner. And although they have put so much effort into this and/or spent a lot to change how they look, they could find that their life is no different. There will be the pain they experienced before, and the pain they now experience through not being able to change their circumstances. One More Thing If one does look good but their relationships are not as they would like them to be, they could decide to change their approach. Alternatively, they could believe that they need to work on their appearance. This can then be seen as the same as when someone continues to put money into a business even though it is not going anywhere. There is no reason for them to behave in the same way, but as they are unable to detach from what is taking place, this is not going to matter. The Reason Yet, regardless of whether one tries to improve their appearance, they could come to the conclusion that other people are more fortunate than them. There is then going to be nothing that they can do. Or, they will just need to wait until their circumstances change, and it will then be necessary for them to bide their time. Through having this outlook, it could set them up to see themselves as a victim. Unlucky Once their luck changes, it will only be a matter of time before they find the right person. Said another way, once they find the right person, it will be a sign that their luck has changed. What this is likely to show is that one believes that they are nothing more than an observer of their reality. Then again, they might believe that they only have an effect on certain areas of their life. Awareness If one started ten businesses, for example, and every one of them failed, they could also say that they are unlucky. Yet, as this has happened so many times and they were the common denominator, it is going to be a good idea for them to look at what part they are playing. In the same way, if one has a pattern of attracting people who are not right for them, it is going to be in their best interest to look at their own behaviour. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are some people who feel comfortable putting their needs first, there are others who don’t. Even so, this doesn’t mean someone will be aware of this even though this is the case.
Instead, they could simply have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, and this is naturally going to cause them to suffer. This doesn’t mean that their life will be any better if they are aware of what is going on, but at least they will know why they are experiencing life in this way. Point of Focus When it comes to their day-to-day life, they are likely to spend a lot of time doing what other people want. There is the chance that they will have a career where they help others, and this is not going to be much of a surprise. They could find that they just know what these people’s needs are, and they could be amazed at how tuned in one is. There could then be times when one is more aware of these people’s needs than they are of their own. Another Experience However, if one doesn’t have this ability, the people they assist in their career are bound to be grateful for the effect they have on their life. And through being there for others in this way, one could experience a deep sense of satisfaction. At the same time, they could have the tendency to feel drained, and as though they rarely have enough energy. Yet, if they spend most of their life being there for others and rarely think about themselves, this is to be expected. Feedback If someone was to pick up on how they feel, they could tell them to take break, or they could offer to do something for them. One could have moments when they are able to accept their advice and moments when they ignore it. And if they wanted to do something for them, one may find that they are not always able to allow this to happen. When something like this takes place, part of them may want to embrace what they have to offer but another part of them might stop this from happening. Conflict What this is likely to show is that the part of them that doesn’t want other people to fulfil their needs is the strongest. As a result of this, it ends up overriding the other part of them. Therefore, if one was able to take a step back from what is taking place, they would see that they working against themselves. Instead of being their own best friend, they are their own worst enemy. Up and Down Having their needs met should be something that is a normal part of their life, as opposed to something that causes them so much trouble. There will be the pain they experience through not getting them met and what they have to go through when they are met. When it comes to the latter, one could find that they end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong. They are likely to be overwhelmed with guilt, and they won’t be able to be in the present moment. A Way Out The sooner this experience comes to an end and one is able to focus on someone else, the better they will feel. This is going to mean that they will neglect their own needs, but at least they won’t have to feel bad. Ultimately, one is going to be receiving what they deserve to receive, but it is going to be as though they are receiving something that they don’t deserve. One way of looking at this would be to say that it is as if they have stolen something. Relationships Through being this way, they are likely to have people around them who are also out of balance. They can be only too happy to let one do things for them, and they might not feel the need to give anything back. There is the chance that one will attract people who feel as though they are entitled to this kind of treatment. It is then going to be as if one is more like a parent than a friend or a lover, for instance. Part of Life If one was to look back on their life, they could find that this is how their life has been for quite some time. The only way this is going to change is if they are able to change what is taking place within them. Through doing this, the people around them will change, or they will no longer be part of their life. This will open them up to people who are able to be there for them and who have no interest in taking advantage of them. Selfish In order for one to get to this stage, they will need to realise that there is nothing wrong with their needs. If they don’t take care of them, it is not going to be possible for them to truly be there for others. Through being able to take care of their own needs without feeling guilty, it will be far easier for them to function at their best. They may find that they don’t feel the need to do as much for others, and this can allow these people to do more for themselves. Boundaries One will no longer feel as though they need to do things that other people should be doing, and this will allow them to grow. When one does things that they shouldn’t be doing, they can end up stopping people from being responsible for their own life. When one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own needs, it can be a sign that their younger years were a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs. One would have been the parent and their caregiver would have been the child. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to being there for others, there are some people who can’t help but extend themselves. It might not matter what is taking place in their life, as they can be happy to put it to one side.
What someone else is going thorough is going to be seen as something that is far more important. As a result of this, it can be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others. Ever-Present Therefore, if their friends or family happen to be going through a challenging time, one is unlikely to be too far away. But if they can’t be there in person, they end up talking to them over the phone. The people around them could end up seeing them as someone they can rely on to be there for them. And so even if they are only a friend, they can come across as though they are a family member. The Extra Mile While the rest of their friends might be happy to talk to them over the phone if they are having problems, one could end up going over to see them. In fact, one could end up telling them what they need to do. It might be hard for them to simply sit back and to see their friends going through bad times. They can feel as though they are the ones who need to make sure that the people around them are enjoying their life. Responsible It can then be as if the weight of the world is on their shoulders, and they will have far more responsibility than the average person. They could find that even though they are there for others in this way, rarely do they behave in the same way towards them. But even if one was to become aware of this, it might not have much of an effect on them. As far as they are concerned, this can be something that only falls on their shoulders, and so there will be no reason for others to treat them in the same way. Kept At bay If someone was to reach out to them, they could end up telling them that everything is fine, for instance. They could say that they are only too happy to be there for them, and that they don’t want anything in return. There is the chance that the people around them will have tried to be there for them on a number of occasions and, through being knocked back each time, they no longer bother. Consequently, most (if not all) of one’s relationships are likely to be one-sided, and it could then be said that one will be more like a parent. Low on Fuel Their needs are generally going to be overlooked, but they won’t find it hard to receive approval from others. There is no doubt that this approval will have an effect on how they feel about themselves. The downside to this is that this is not going to do much else, and it won’t allow them to get their needs met. It is then going to be no different to giving a pet a toy that is in the shape of a hot dog; it might interest them, but it won’t fill their stomach. Disconnected Yet, even though this is going to cause one to suffer, it doesn’t mean that they will be in touch with this pain. They could be so caught up in other people’s lives, that they don’t have time to face it. Or, if they do come into contact with it, they could soon end up feeling down or depressed. And although they could realise why they feel this way, they could come to the conclusion that it’s because of something else. Neglect The feedback that they get from others is going to allow them to keep this pain at bay, but what it won’t do is allow them to change their life. Their life will continue to get worse and they will be too distracted to do anything about it. One way of looking at it would be to say that they will be too busy building/repairing someone else’s house to focus on their own. Thus, even though one is helping others, they are harming themselves. A Bit of Both Alternatively, one might not go this far, and they might only neglect their own life from time to time. They may even be moments when they ignore their life and moments when this doesn’t take place. When it comes to what takes place, it can all depend on how they feel and on what is taking place around them. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to fulfil their own needs on a regular basis. Stepping Back The trouble is that if one was to no longer rescue others, they could end up feeling worthless. What this will show is that their value as a person is defined by what they do for others, and this is going to make it difficult for them to simply change their behaviour. When it comes to their needs, they could believe that they don’t deserve to have them met; being there for others is then going to be an indirect way for them to get their needs met. But as the people around then are generally not going to be aware of this, it is not going to get them very far, and through doing so much for others, it can stop them from taking responsibility for their own life. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist. When it comes to why one only feels valuable when they are rescuing others, it can come down to how they were treated during their early years.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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