In an article that I wrote a few months ago, I spoke about someone who I met whilst I was at a spiritual shop a few years ago. His name was Ian Baillie, and this was someone who was into past lives.
At the time, this was not something that I knew much about, but I was open-minded and keen to find out more. This started off with him talking about who he thought I was in one of my past lives. A Few Connections Firstly, he said that I was a confederate general in one life and, after a while, he said that I had a connection to Athens during the golden age. I thought this was all very interesting and I thought about how I hadn’t come across anyone like this before. In addition to this, he also went into some of the lives that he had had in the past. When it came to the life in Athens, I said that I had always enjoyed watching films like ‘Gladiator and ‘Troy’’, and that there was something about Greek history that pulled me in. A Powerful Experience As an aside, at the beginning of this year when I was working with someone who did something called Life Activation, I had this vision of being an orator in Greece or somewhere similar. I was in a room and was walking towards a balcony. This could be me tapping into a memory, or it could just be a creation of my own mind, who knows. It might not have any relevance, but this moment did have a big effect on me. A Reading A little while after we had first met, Ian said that I might enjoy going to see someone called, Grant Colyer. Grant was a psychic medium, which meant that he had the ability to tune into what someone had been through in other lives. I had had readings in the past, but I hadn’t experienced anything like this before. Even without going into the ability that he had to tune into my past lives, he was incredibly intuitive and tuned in. A Team It was during this time that it was said that I had a connection to Orville Wright. But with that aside, it is clear that Ian and Grant make a great team; with the former getting an idea of what someone has been through in the past, and the latter going deeper into what has been revealed. Along with Ian’s Interest in past lives, he also has a degree and a broad understanding of history. At a time when a lot of people at his age are winding down, he is more active that people who are half his age. A Lifelong Pursuit It is not common for someone to stop learning as they get older and for their mind to gradually close. Ian, on the other hand, is only too happy to learn new things and to do what he can to maintain an open mind. If you would like to find out more about Ian and the work that he does on past lives, please go to www.ravenecho.com. And, if you would like to find out more about Grant Colyer, please go to www.grant-colyer.co.uk
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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In a previous article, I mentioned someone who I met after I helped a friend move house. This was someone called Wain, and since our paths crossed in the middle of 2015, a number of thought-provoking conversations have been had.
It doesn’t end there, though, as what I think about after we have spent time together has just as much of an effect, if not more. There are a number of reasons as to why our conversations are so thought-provoking. A Powerful Question For one thing, Wain is not someone who likes to take passive role and to simply accept what comes out of another person’s mouth. What I mean by this is that he often likes to dig a little bit deeper, in order to find out why something has been said. For example, there have been moments when I have expressed what I have wanted to achieve and he has asked me why this was. Now, this is not because he has an issue with what I wanted to achieve; what it came down to was that he was curious about what was behind this need. A Clear Understanding This is surely the result of the hardships that he has experienced by not questioning his own motives in the past. He is only too aware of how there can be the reason why we think we want to achieve something and then there can be real reason, with this being out of our conscious awareness. When this is the case, it can cause us to suffer in one way or another. At the beginning of our friendship, being asked this took me by surprise - it was as though I was being criticised. A Different Outlook But as time passed, I was able to see that this question was coming from place of genuine curiosity and the desire to save me from a lot of unnecessary pain. And after being asked this question, I gradually started to take a deeper look at the reasons why I did certain things. In addition to this, he would speak about how there is not just what we go through during a certain experience; there is also what takes place after this experience is over. Said another way, we can gain far more from an experience once it has passed then we can when it is taking place. Mind Expanding For example, consciously we can believe that we are having an experience for a certain reason but, after the hours, weeks and days pass, we can see that we had this experience for a completely different reason. Therefore, even if we have an experience that seems to have no other reason than to tear us down, as time goes by it might become clear that this was not the reason why we had it. That is, of course, if we have an open mind and don’t end up seeing ourselves as a victim. This takes me back to when I first met Wain and how I thought that we had been brought together to create videos. Final Thoughts It is now crystal clear that we were not brought together just to create films; this was simply the hook point. In all my time on this planet, I have not come across someone like Wain before, someone who has the ability to get to the root of the issue like he does. If you would like to find out more about, Wain, and the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When our family guest had only just been opened, a lot of the people who stayed were just passing by or on holiday. Yet, as the years went by and our guest house became more well-known, we started to have people stay from all over the world.
This also meant that we had students stay throughout the year, and there were even moments when we had them over at Christmas. A lot of these students were from Japan, China, Turkey and Sri Lanka. During The Year At other times, we had people stay from Qatar, France, Italy, Australia, New Zeeland, and America, along with countless other countries. So, even though I was at home in England, I had the chance to meet people from all over the world. It wouldn’t be right for me to say that I was completely on board with having a guest house, though, as there were moments when I wished we lived like other people. The moments we shared as a family were limited and this made it harder for anyone to be authentic. A Performance If someone was around, for instance, we all had to be polite and to act happy. This meant that we couldn’t talk about anything personal; we had to act like the perfect hosts. But even though I did feel compromised at times by having other people around, I did enjoy meeting different people. Instead of just seeing people who looked different - which would have generally been the case if we hadn’t had a guest house - I had the opportunity to find out more about them. Bridging the Gap The barriers that would have been up in another environment were down through being so close to these people. This allowed me to see that although these people often had different colour skin to me and were from different countries, our differences were overshadowed by what we had in common. I came to see these people as my fellow human beings, not as people who I needed to be wary off and to keep my distance from. Through having these kinds of experiences, it had a big effect on how I saw people who looked different to me. Another Need What also played a part here was that I was a very curious child, which meant that I wanted to find out about just about everything. Thus, being around people from other parts of the world gave me the opportunity to fulfil this need. I wanted to know what it was like in their country, how they lived and how they spent their time. The fact I was brought up to be well-mannered and to respect others also played a part here. One Example When I think about the effect these early years had on me, I think about an experience that I had when I had just started college, in 2002. There was a boy who joined our class a few weeks later than everyone else and this meant that he was seen as an outsider. There was something about him that pulled me in, and I soon found out that he was from Tehran in Iran. I didn’t know much about Iran, but I wanted to get to know more about him, and we soon become close friends. The Key Component I gradually came to see that I had more in common with him than just about everyone else who was on the course. There was a rebellious energy about him; he seemed far more liberated than everyone else. Taking this into account, I would have been drawn to him even if he didn’t look different. However, if I hadn’t had these early experiences around different people, I might have behaved in the same way as the other people did when they first saw him.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I grew up in a guest house, and this meant that I had to help my family by doing different jobs. However, it wasn’t uncommon for me to stop doing a job and then to go to my room or somewhere else.
This was partly due to me not being given much time to do what I wanted and partly due to me having a short attention span. As a result of this, my father or mother would usually come and tell me off. Kept In Line It would then only be a matter of time before I would be back to finish what I had started. A lot of the time I was working outside, and this was something that was far more appealing than working inside. One of the things my father used to say was that if I didn’t know how to do something, I should ask him. And if I did this, he wouldn’t make out that I was stupid or unless; he would take his time to show me how to do something in a kind and gentle manner. Guidance Along with this side, there was another side that that was fiery, a side that I didn’t want to see. My father had a very practical side; he was an expert when it came to building or creating things, both inside and outside He also had another side, a side that meant he had a very fast brain; he was like a walking calculator, for one thing. There was then what he taught me directly and what he taught me indirectly. One Question On a number of occasions, my father said “who don’t you just finish a job!?” And at the time, this was something that would go right over my head – I just wanted to be free. But as time passed, I came to see that in order me to be free, I needed to be disciplined. For example, it was only through my family and I working that we were able to have the freedom to go on holiday; whereas if we hadn’t worked hard, we wouldn’t have had the money to do so. A Different Reality If a friend from school had been over to our house, they would often say that they would love to live there or that I was ‘lucky’. This was primarily because they saw the fruits of our labor, so to speak, and not what we all had to do to live in that way. My parents would work practically every hour under the sun, and my sister and I would also play our part. The people who had the outlook above would often go home and sit on the sofa or go out playing games, this wasnt something I was familiar with. A Blessing in Disguise I came to see that certain compromises had to be made and how important it was to work hard. As the years have gone by, what my father said to me on those occasions has come to my mind on a number of occasions, and it inspires me to this day. Instead of being focused on the short-term and what I could get out of something straight away, I came to look at the big picture and to focus on what might happen in the long-term. Ultimately, I was brought up to delay gratification and to put my need for instant gratification to one side.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon too see someone who is glued to their Smartphone, and this is something that can take place in just about every context. So, if one was to go into a public area, they are likely to see people of all ages looking down at their device.
Tuned Out When this happens, someone can be completely oblivious when it comes to what is taking place around them. As a result of this, it can be normal for them to walk into people, objects, and they might even cross a road at the wrong moment. And, if one was to use public transport, it is likely to be the same. Nevertheless, what will be different is that it will be a lot safer for their attention to be consumed by the piece of technology in front of them. Out of the Present Moment It could then be said that while their body will be in the company of others, their mind will be somewhere else. One way of looking at this would be to say that there is nothing interesting about walking around public places or being on a bus or a train, for instance. At the same time, if is used to being plugged into a device like this it is not going to be a surprise for them to have this outlook. Everyday life might no longer be stimulating enough for them. An Escape So when someone places their attention on their device, they can avoid what is going on around them. In addition to this, it can allow them to avoid what is taking place within them. There is also a strong chance that by using their device for as long as they have, they find it hard to not use it. With this in mind, what motivates them to use the device is partly going to relate to the attachment that they have formed to it. A New Problem What this shows is that not just a case of one trying to get away from existing feelings, they will be trying to get away from new feelings that arise when they don’t use their device. This can show that one has become dependent on it. Using this device allows them to settle down, so if they don’t use it they will probably get withdrawal symptoms. Still, this is not just going to be about the device itself. Social Media When someone uses their device, they are likely to have a number of different apps that will have a positive effect on their mood. And simply hearing a sound from their Smartphone can have similar effect. This sound can mean that they have received a comment, ‘like’, or a message from one of their ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. The reason for this is that one is going to get a rush of dopamine each time this happens, and this is the brain chemical that is associated with pleasure. The Main Reason Taking this into account, it could be said that the device and the apps that someone uses are just a means to an end. That is, of course, unless someone only uses their phone from time to time. But when they spend a lot of their life using their device, it can show that they have become hooked to the brain chemical that is released when they use it. When this chemical is released, they will feel happy. A Poor Substitute The reason why someone would be consumed by their device is then not because of how fulfilling it is to use it; it is the result of the chemicals that their brain releases when they use it. But as one is only speaking to people over a screen and is not around real people, it is not as though socialising online is going to be a fulfilling experience per se. Therefore, what one misses out on when they speak to their ‘friends’ over a screen, they make up for with the chemicals their brain releases. Then again, this is not quite accurate as speaking to people over a screen is not going to be the same as speaking to them in the real world, no matter how much dopamine their brain releases. A Big Distraction Through using their Smartphone to access different social media sites over a certain period of time, they will have created a pathway in their brain. As long as they get their dopamine hit they should be fine, it’s when they don’t that it can be difficult for them to handle. It can be easy to focus purely on what happens when one doesn’t get the hit they need, but this would overlook what is likely to happen when one spends so much time on their Smartphone. The time they spend on this device could be used in a far more productive manner. Final Thoughts If they were to cut back on the amount of time they use their Smartphone, in order to use their time better, it is likely to be a challenge. It should get easier as time passes, though, and one will also be able to think about what they have achieved by changing their behaviour. This is case of short-term pain, long term gain, or short-term gain, long-term pain. One could spend more time around others, read more (or simply start reading), or take up a new hobby, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one meets someone for the first time, they can take the time to get to know more about them. This can then give them the opportunity to find out what they are like as a person and whether or not they would be a good match for them.
An Interview Therefore, this is going to be no different to what would happen if they were to looking to employ someone for an important job. This is not to say one will come across as cold and calculating, though. It simply means that one won’t rush into a relationship; and this can then stop them from ending up with someone for the wrong reason. This could be how they have been for quite some time, or they might have only just started to be this way. The Cause What this could illustrate is that there was a time in their life when they would end up with just about anyone, thereby setting them up to suffer unnecessarily. Perhaps one has recently been in a relationship that caused them a great deal of pain. This experience would then have shaken them up enough to no longer behave in the same way. If one was to look back on why they didn’t take the time to get to know someone, they may find that they were too needy. Blinded My Emotions Through feeling empty and as though something was missing, they would have needed someone to complete them. As a result of this, it would have been a lot harder for them to think clearly and to see if someone was actually a good match for them. In the same way that one can eat rubbish when they are hungry, they can also end up with the wrong person when they are emotionally malnourished. One would have come to see how important it is for them to be comfortable with themselves before they can attract someone who is also comfortable with themselves. One Part And once they end up in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that they will switch off. They could still pay attention to how the relationship is going and speak out when they need to. In the past, they may have been too concerned with losing the other person to speak out and to assert themselves. At the same time, they might have blocked out anything that proved that the other person wasn’t right for them. Helpful Feedback What this could show is that one got the point in their life when enough was enough and they were no longer willing to put up with this type of behaviour. But while this may have seemed to just take place, there are likely to be number of things that played a part. Their friends and/or family may have told them on a number of occasions that they end up with the wrong people and that they deserve better. One may have also read a number of books on relationships, for instance. Small Steps The feedback they received from other people and what they found out themselves would have gradually had a big impact on them. And if one had been this way for a little while, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t change overnight. The main thing is that one is no longer going to be in a position where they tolerate being with someone who is not right for them or who is abusive. How they arrived at this place is of secondary importance. A Different Reality There are then going to be others who are unable to realise when they are with someone who is not right for them. When someone like this meets another person for the first time, they might not even have the need to find out more about them. The main thing could be that they have found someone who they like and who likes them. But if they were to find out more about them, it doesn’t mean that this would have much of an effect on them. Just the Start It may only be a matter of time before they are in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for them or who is abusive. At this point one might realise that that they need to end the relationship, but then again, they might just put up with it. There may have been people around them who could see that the person they are with was not right for them at the beginning. If one did receive this feedback at the start, it wouldn’t have made much difference. Two Factors Firstly, there would have been the effect their emotions had on their ability to see what the other person as like. Through having the need to feel better and whole, it would have stopped them from being able to think rationally. Secondly, being with someone who isn’t right for them or who is abusive could be what is normal. The kind of experiences that one had during their early years may have set them up to believe that this is what relationships are like. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: What Is The Difference Between A Man Who Hates Women And A Man Who Hates Men?26/12/2017
What might not surprise someone is that some men hate women, yet what might surprise them is that there are some men who hate men. It might be hard for them to accept this, especially as they are men themselves.
A Different Response Then again, this might be something that they are only too aware of, meaning that it is not going to be hard for them to accept this. If man does hate women, he is likely to receive a lot negative feedback from others. Yet, if a man hates men, he is likely to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from people. The reason for this is that it is not uncommon for men to be portrayed in a negative manner, making it acceptable to put them down. The Oppressed Gender Women, on the other hand, are often seen as being victims, and this is why they deserve to receive special treatment. But even though they are often portrayed as victims, they are also seen as being ‘empowered’. The average person is likely to find this confusing, with it being hard for them to understand how women can be empowered and victims. In reality they are either going to be victims or they will be empowered human beings, they can’t be both. Only Too Clear If a woman is truly in touch with her own inner strength, it is highly unlikely that she would see other women or herself as a victim. So, even if there are moments when she is victimised, she won’t allow this to define how she sees herself. And through being this way, she is also likely to see that there are going to be moments when men are victimised, too. It is then not as if men have it easy and women suffer; they will see that life is not this black and white. Self-Aware When a woman has this outlook, it could be said that she is self-aware and that she has the ability to reflect. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for a lot of the women who are given a platform in today’s world. If the world is to change for the better, what is needed is for people to take responsibility for their own life and not to blame others. It is easy to blame men for all the problems in the world, but what does this do apart from create even more division? Two Ways With that aside, if a man does hate women he is unlikely to be a ‘feminist’; whereas if a man hates men, there is the chance that he will be. Nevertheless, if man does become a feminist, it doesn’t mean that he will be accepted by this movement. There are going to be a number of women who say that he is no better than any other man. He could then feel as though he doesn’t belong, which could cause him to experience a lot of pain. The Cause When it comes to the man who hates woman, it could be said that this shows that he has had a number of bad experiences with them. But when a man hates other men, it can be harder to come up with a reason as to why he would feel this way. After all, he is man himself. One way of looking at this would be to say that he has been treated badly by other men throughout his life, and this is what set him up to hate men. Two Personalities If a man hates women, he could come across as stoic and confident; he could be popular and certain people could even describe his as an ‘alpha man’. And even though he doesn’t like women, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be attracted to him. But if a man hates men, he could come across as emotional and be anything but confident. He could be described as a nice guy and find it incredibly difficult to attract women. Going Deeper When it comes to how these two men behave in their adult life, there the chance that their childhood years had a big effect. Regardless of whether a man hates women or hates men, they may have grown up without a father, or a father who wasn’t emotionally available. In addition to this, they may have had a mother who was emotionally unavailable and smothering at the same time. Naturally, this would have had a negative effect on their ability to develop into an autonomous human being. Two Options These early years probably would have caused them to experience shame and it wouldn’t have been possible for them to develop strong boundaries. Furthermore, their father wouldn’t have been around to affirm their value or to guide them. The man who hates women will have disconnected from this shame and their emotions in general, and he would have directed his anger towards his mother and, as time passed, this would have ended up being directed towards all women. If he was to get in touch with his feelings, he may find that the also hates his father, and the reason why this hasn’t taken place can be because he fears his father. The Other Side When it comes to the man who hates other men, he will have stayed connected to this shame and directed his anger towards his father. And as the years passed, this anger would end up being directed towards all men. Due to the experience he had with his mother as a child, he is likely to be fearful of her, and this is why he can’t face up to the fact that he also hates his mother. One man has the need to protect their father, while the other has the need to protect their mother. Awareness What this emphasises is how important both the mother and father is when it comes to childhood development. When one parent is missing, it can lead to all kinds of problems, problems that can take years to deal with when someone is adult - that’s if they are even dealt with. If man can relate to this, and he wants to let go of the pain that is within him, it might be a good idea for him to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Can A Man’s Unmet Childhood Needs Make Him Want To Sleep With A Lot Of Women?26/12/2017
There are some men who generally have relationships, while there are others who have absolutely no interest in having one. But even if a man doesn’t want to have a relationship, it doesn’t mean that he has always been this way.
No Longer the Same If there was a point in their life when they did have relationships, or were in a relationship, they may have had a different outlook. Perhaps this was a time in their life when this was just something that took place, as opposed to something they consciously decided to do. And now, for one reason or another, this is no longer something that appeals to them. Yet, if one has never had the desire to be in a relationship, it won’t be as if there was a point in their life when everything changed. Two Options So, if a man doesn’t want to be in a relationship, it would be easy to assume that this means he just wants to ‘sleep around’. This might be something that a man wants to do, but then again, it might not be. The man might just want to spend time in his own company and to work on other areas of his life. It is then not that he has ‘gone his own way’, it is just that this is not a time in his life when he wants to share his life with a woman. The Odd Occasion At the same time, there may be times in his life when he does spend time with a woman. He may find that he enjoys a woman’s company at certain times in his life, but wouldn’t want this to be a regular occurrence. It could then be said that his main priority is his own purpose and he might even have children from another relationship that he enjoys spending time with. And who knows, perhaps he will end up in a relationship in the future. A Common Outcome If man does want to sleep with a lot of women and ends up making this a reality, he is likely to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others. There are bound to be a number of people who will see him as the ‘alpha man’. It is unlikely that everyone will have this outlook, though, as there likely to be moments when he will be criticised for being this way. There can be a number of reasons as to why someone would do this. A Closer Look If he was judged by a woman for doing this, it could be a sign that they end up falling for a man who they had sex with but the man didn’t want to take things further. On the other hand, if a man was to judge them, it could show that he secretly wants to behave in the same way but doesn’t feel comfortable doing so. There are going to be others who say that as long as this man is not hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Along with this, they could point out there are a number of women who are the same. Two Parts When a man behaves in this way, there is likely to be what is going on at a surface level, and then there can be what is taking place at a deeper level. The first level might be the only level that the man is in touch with. At this level, it could relate to the man’s desire to have sex and to experience pleasure; he might even believe that having sex with lots of women is what a man should do. By not having a relationship and just having sex, it can be as though he is getting the best bit. Perception Through being this way, he may view certain women as objects of pleasure; things that he can use to feel better about himself. This can then stop him from being able to see that these women are just people, people with their own needs and feelings, amongst other things. Having an endless flow of women to have sex with could be seen as being something that will allow him to life a fulfilling life. He might also say that he has a ‘strong sex drive’, with this being one of the things that drive his behaviour. The Second Level However, if a man was to get in touch with what is taking place in his body, he may find that there is another reason why he has the desire to behave in this way. It might then become clear that this is not really about having sex; it is more about fulfilling his unmet childhood needs, and avoiding the kind of situations that caused them to suffer as a child. Their early years may have been a time when they didn’t get the love that they needed form their mother, whilst also being smothered by her. As a result of this, part of them will want to be with a women and part of them won’t want to get too close to them. Two Needs Simply having sex with a woman will allow them to receive attention from a woman, but what it won’t do is cause them to feel smothered. The man can then have best of both worlds, so to speak. If this is the case, it could be said that behind the exterior that they have created to attract women is a wounded boy. And if a man had a mother who was distant on one hand and smothering on the other, there is also the chance that their father wasn’t around or that he was emotionally unavailable. Developmentally Stunted This would have stopped him from being able to develop boundaries. He would have come to believe that if he got close to someone, it would cause him to be smothered by them and to be completely annihilated, thereby causing him to fear intimacy. If his father was available, there would have been no need for his mother to get this close him. Not only this, he would have been on hand to stop this from taking place, which would have allowed him to develop in the right way. Two Other Reasons His father wouldn’t have been around to affirm his worth and this can then be why his sense of value as man can be defined by how many women he sleeps with. Doing this can also be a way for him to receive positive feedback from men, the kind that he desperately needed from his father as a child. Deep down the man may blame his mother for the fact that his father wasn’t around, instead directing this anger at his father for not being there. The control that he experiences through sleeping with a woman and then leaving them can compensate for how powerless he felt as a child, with this being a way for him to experience indirect revenge. Emotionally Disconnected If he blamed his father for leaving and not his mother, there is the chance that he would come across as more feminine and have the tendency to blame men for everything. The man who sleeps around is then in conflict with his feminine aspect; whereas the other type of man is in conflict with his masculine aspect. Having said that, if someone experienced trauma as a child, they are likely to have issues with both sides of their nature. Due to the pain that former experienced when they were growing up, it would have caused them to disconnect from their emotions. They could be carry a lot of pain in their body, and this can be why they are unable to see women as people. Projection When they were growing up, they wouldn’t have received the love, care and support that they needed. And as they were unable to develop these parts of themselves, they end up projecting these parts onto certain women; it then won’t have matter if a woman has actually integrated these aspects within herself. The strong urge that they have to have sex with a woman is then a result of the fact that they remind them of that which they haven’t integrated within themselves. One is then trying to consume something externally in order to try to make up for what they feel they lack internally. Awareness After a man has behaved in this way for a little while, he can come to see how much time he has wasted. How the energy that he used to attract women could have been used to create something significant. He may also get to a point where sleeping with women is no longer giving him the same rush, and this can cause him to take a step back and to reflect. If a man can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to look back on their life, they may become aware of a time when they saw their own issue in someone else. This could have been a time when they accused someone of having anger problems, when they themselves were the ones who had anger problems.
Or, perhaps they accused their partner of acting in a selfish manner, when it was the person who they saw in the mirror who was acting in this way. At the time, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to see what was going on, but that would have changed as time passed. The Most Important Thing Nonetheless, even though this or something similar took place, the main thing is that one came to see what was going on. Consequently, one would have been able to do something about what was going on within them and to grow from the experience. The alternative would have been for one to be oblivious to what was going on and to do the same thing all over again. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one shouldn’t have projected their issues onto another person to begin with. A Completely Different Outlook If one has this outlook, they are likely to believe that someone shouldn’t project their issues onto others. Instead, what they should do it take responsibility for what is taking place within them. In their eyes, this is likely to be something that takes place when someone is not aware of what is taking place within them. And as they have this outlook, it should mean that they won’t ever project their issues onto others. Back To Reality However, as one is a human being, it means that there are going to be moments when they project their issues onto others. If they have done a certain amount of healing work and have a good level of self-awareness, this might not happen very often, but it is still likely to happen. So, if one was to say that this is something that they don’t do, there is the chance that they are in denial. It is then going to vital for them to realise that there is nothing wrong with seeing their issues in others. The Mirror One way of looking at this would be to say that when one projects their issues onto others, it allows them to see what is going on within them. This is then another way for them to become aware of what they need to deal with. With this in mind, one doesn’t need to criticise themselves for seeing what belongs to them in someone else. If anything, this should be a time when they should congratulate themselves for noticing what has taken place. An Important Ability If one wants to increase their self-awareness and to work through their stuff, they are going to need to be able to pay attention to what they judge in others. This will tell them a lot about the parts of themselves that they need to pay attention to. There is then going to be no need for one to believe that they shouldn’t project their issues onto others. They will be able to see that they need to pay attention to what they see in others. The Nature of the Mind What this comes down to is that when one doesn’t want to face something, they can end up disconnecting from it. When this happens, one is not going to be able to directly face what they have lost touch with. At one point in time they will have been aware of what this was and at other, they will be completely unaware of it. It probably would have been too painful for them to face it, which is why they had to push it out of their awareness. A Helping Hand Thus, if one didn’t project their issues onto others, it would be a lot harder for them to see what they have disconnected from. It would be like taking a car that doesn’t work to the garage and being told that they can’t find anything wrong with it. Until something is found, it is not going to be possible for the car to be fixed. In the same way, it is only by one becoming aware of what is going on around them that they will be able to see what is going on within them and to change their life in the process. Awareness When someone builds houses for a living, there are going to be number of tools that allow them to get the job done, and the same could be said for someone who is working through their own issues. One can use a journal to become aware of their thoughts and feelings, for instance, and they can pay attention to what they see in others. This is not to say that one has to work through their issues by themselves, though, as it may be necessary for them to reach out for external support from time to time. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wants to be in a relationship, there can be a number of things that they will be looking for in a partner. Firstly, there can be the need to be with someone who has a certain appearance and, secondly, there can be the requirements that they have when it comes to their personality.
The Glue But while someone’s appearance is going to be important to them, one might realise that it is what someone is like as a person that will make all the difference. Sooner or later, they will get used to their looks and they will be left with their personality. So, if they were to ignore someone’s personality and only focused on their looks, they could soon be in for an unpleasant surprise. If they are, it is likely to be a number of months before they come crashing down though, due to all the positive feelings that are running through them. One Trait One thing that someone like this could value is loyalty, with this being right at the top of their list. They could say that they want to be with someone who is going to stick around no matter what and who won’t cheat on them. And the reason why one is so clear about this could be due to the fact that they have been with people in the past who were not loyal. Their past experiences have then made them realise how important this is. The Foundation It could be said that in order for there to be trust in a relationship, there needs to be loyalty. For example, if one is with someone who isn’t there when they need them or has been with other people, it is not going to be possible for one to trust them. Their relationship is not going to be built on anything solid. The other person is not going to be invested in the relationship, and it might only be a matter of time before it comes to an end. Another Area There is also the chance that one will expect the same amount of loyalty from their friends. They might expect their friends to always be there when they need them, and for them to always be in their life. If one has this outlook, there is a strong chance that they will be used to feeling let down in this area of their life. What this comes down to is that it is not going to be possible for their friends to always be there and all of their friends are not going be in their life forever. One Step Back And even if one was in a relationship with someone, there are going to be moments when their partner can’t be there for them. That’s not to say that whoever they end up with will cheat on them, though. Along with this, there is no guarantee that the person they end up with will stay with them until their end of their life. This is something that one can believe if they were to get married, but this doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Two People When one is friends with someone or is in an intimate relationship with them, it is not just about their needs. There are the needs that one has and then there are the needs that the other person has. If, on the other hand, the other person was just an extension of them, there would only be one set of needs. As a result of this, there would be absolutely no reason whosoever for the other person to ever leave their life. Two Sides But if one was to step back, they are likely to realise that it is not possible for them to be unconditionally loyal either. For example, if they are with someone who ends up being abusive, it is going to be in their best interest to walk away. Yet, even if they don’t end up with someone who is abusive, they could get to a point where saying with someone is holding them back. It is then not that one is being disloyal; it is that they are paying attention to their own needs. A Closer Look If one expects the people in their life to always be there for them, it can show that they are looking for these people to fulfil their unmet childhood needs. One is then not seeing these people as individuals; they are seeing them as their caregivers. Their younger years may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever met, thereby setting them up to experience a lot of neglect. Thus, as their caregivers weren’t there when they needed them to be, they expect other people to give them what their caregivers couldn’t give them. Avoidance The alternative would be for one to no longer expect other people to give them what their caregivers couldn’t and to work through the pain that is within them. But while this would allow them to gradually let go of the need for other people to be unconditionally loyal, it would cause them to experience a lot of pain. And, if one has been this way for as long as they can remember, they are unlikely to even realise what is taking place. One is then not going to be able to simply become aware of what is going on and to change their life. Awareness This is something that is likely to take time, and one might need to reach out for external support. Through working with a therapist or a healer, one will be able to go where they probably wouldn’t go by themselves.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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