Many years ago, there were only a small amount of designer brands but, as time has passed, this has gradually changed. Thanks to the internet, there are now numerous designer brands.
Still, even though plenty of brands have appeared over the years, a number of the old brands are still right at the top. This could be put down to the fact that these brands are still better than the others, or it could be put down to their ability to market their products in the right way. Indifferent Now, there are people out there who couldn’t care less about these kinds of brands; what will matter to them is wearing clothes that they feel comfortable in. For others, these brands might not interest them, but they will still want to look smart. This is not to say that people like this won’t have ever bought an item of clothing that had a designer label. What it comes down to is that they are not going to go out of their way to buy these kinds of clothes. Another Experience There are also going to be others who will buy branded clothes every now and then. When this takes place, it could show that there is a sale on or that it is a time in their life when they have the money to do so. This can show that while they do enjoy wearing these kinds of clothes, they don’t have trouble wearing the clothes that are not branded. In other words, wearing unbranded clothes won’t make them feel inferior. Another Factor Someone who can relate to the above may find that whenever they buy branded clothes, they typically end up lasting longer. The extra money they fork out for these items will then be worth it in the long-run. When this relates to an item of clothing that is unlikely to go out of fashion, it will be even better. Spending big every now and then may be something that they are able to do without it having a major effect on their finances. A Very Different Scenario Along with this, there are going to be other people who will only wear designer brands. When someone experiences life in this way, it could be a sign that they have plenty of money, meaning that spending a lot on clothes is not going to have much of an impact on their finances. At the same time, this might not be the case, yet they will still only wear these kinds of clothes. But regardless of whether someone can identify with the former or the latter, they could say that these clothes are simply better than the other clothes. Another Element Furthermore, what they may find is that they feel good when they wear these kinds of clothes. If they were to wear normal clothes, what they may find is that they don’t feel the same. The kind of responses that they get from other people could also change, with them no longer getting the same type of feedback. It will then be clear that they don’t just wear these brands because of how the clothes feel on their body. A Closer Look If they were to find that they no longer feel the same when they wear normal clothes, it could show that wearing designer brands has a positive effect on their how they see themselves. Unless they wear these types of clothes, they could find that they end up experiencing a drop in their emotional state. Ultimately, they will still be the same person irrespective of what they wear, but wearing normal clothes could seem to take their value away. What this can illustrate is that they primarily wear these clothes to avoid how they feel. A Cover Up Due to how they feel on the inside, they will need to associate themselves with things that are perceived as having value in order to feel valuable. Through feeling worthless on the inside, their value will have been externalised. Wearing normal items of clothing will bring out the part of themselves that will remind them of how flawed they feel. Wearing designer labels, on the other hand, is not only going to be a way for them to try to stop other people from realising this; it is also going to be a way for them to stop themselves from having to face how they feel deep down. Way Back The reason that they feel so worthless can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. Perhaps this was a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected, causing them to be overwhelmed with shame. Since that time in their life, they may have tried their best to run away from this feeling; this is a not a surprise, though, given how painful it is to experience shame. This is most likely the most painful feeling to experience. Awareness Unless one deals with the trauma that they experienced at the start of their life, it is unlikely that they will be able to embrace their inherent value. The only option they will have is to hide behind things that will allow them to experience a sense of worth, and experiencing a sense of superiority can also allow them to avoid how they feel. This is something that can take place with external assistance. With the support of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to work through their pain and to realise that their value is within them not without.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Nowadays, self-improvement is a big part of so many people’s lives, and perhaps the internet is the primary reason why this is so. The internet has made this type of information readily available, and this has made it easier for people to promote this type of lifestyle.
For example, people in the public eye can talk about what they do to improve themselves; thereby, having a big impact on how so many other people behave. These types of people are then going to be the ‘influencers’. Fitting In So while one could see how someone like this is living their life and believe that it would be a good idea for them to work on themselves, they could also just go along with this in order to fit in. Their need to be part of this group is then going to be more important than thinking for themselves. Still, in this situation, going along with what other people are doing is unlikely to lead to anything too negative. If this ‘influencer’ was encouraging people to be violent and one just went along with it, this wouldn’t be the case. Numerous Options While one person may end up being drawn to yoga and even mindfulness, another could gravitate to information that will allow them to feel better about themselves and to change their behaviour. Having said that, one could find that all this and more, appeals to them. It would be easy to assume that there are now as many people who do yoga as there are who lift weights. And just as more and more women are becoming aware of the benefits of lifting weights, more and more men are realising how beneficial yoga is. The Main Issue Let’s say that someone is in a position where their feelings are out of control and their behaviour is not how they would like it to be, they could end up reading books that will show them how to control their emotions and how to change their behaviour. One might want to find some kind of technique that will allow them to control how they feel, which will then allow them to control how they behave. What one could soon learn is that for them to control how they feel, they will need to learn how to control their thoughts. Their feelings are then going to be caused by the thoughts that randomly arise in their head. The Power of Force Once their thoughts are under control, the other two areas should fall into line. In addition to this, they may be told that changing their behaviour can also be a way for them to change the other two elements. By using their willpower, they will gradually be able to transform their life. If they were to read more books or to watch a few videos, they may end up coming across advice that is similar. One Need One will have the need to transform their life, and what they read and/or watch will provide the information that may allow them to do just that. Thanks to the work that they put in, they will end up having a greater understanding of what is taking place in their mind. Their understanding of how they behave in different environments and around different people will also improve. Even so, it is unlikely that this approach will allow them to gain a deeper understanding of themselves. On The Surface There is, of the course, the chance that they only want to improve themselves, not to truly understand why they experience life in a certain way. Thus, rearranging the furniture on the titanic, so to speak, is going to be enough. What this can show is that while they are willing to experience a small amount of pain, they don’t want to experience too much. Likewise, the information they have read about how to improve themselves may also have been put together by people who were the same. One Area Going to a deeper level and getting in touch with what is taking place in their unconscious mind will be more painful, but it will give them the opportunity to truly understand what is going on and why their life is the way it is. However, due to what they have read about and watched, it could seem as there is not a part of their being where all their baggage resides. The focus will be on doing what they can to deal with what is taking place in their conscious mind; the part of them that will shed light on what is taking place at a deeper level. Trying to resolve things by focusing purely on the conscious mind is a bit like trying to remove weeds by cutting them off at the top; it might work in the short term, but it won’t deal with the roots and they will most likely soon reappear. A Strange Phenomenon Taking all this into account, just because someone is into self-development, it doesn’t mean that they have penetrated their own being and gained self-knowledge by doing so. In the same way that an old door can be painted and not stripped and redone, someone can simply decorate who they are as opposed to getting in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level and working through it. It could be said that it is not a surprise that so much of self-development focuses on symptoms, as the mind will do anything it can to avoid pain. If self-development in general was geared towards working through the pain that is in the unconscious mind (body), it might still be a niche area. Awareness If someone does want to gain a deeper understand of themselves, and now longer wants to try to manage their symptoms, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. The external support that someone like this provides will allow one to go where they wouldn’t necessarily go by themselves. And if they are carrying a lot of pain in their body, they will need this support to be able to work through it when it starts to come up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One thing that can’t be denied about human beings it that they have needs and, while some of these needs can be met without reaching out to others, there are others that cant. This is why human beings have been described as interdependent, not independent or dependent.
But, even though there are people in the world who feel comfortable with their own needs, there are others who don’t. And how someone lives if they feel comfortable with their own needs is likely to be radically different to how someone lives who doesn’t. Reaching Out If someone does, there is going to be no reason for them to hide their needs from others and to make out that they don’t have needs. They will be only too aware of the fact that they have needs and that they need others. This doesn’t mean that they will always be able to get their needs met, but what it is likely to mean is that they won’t be used to having them go unmet. If they experience a need, they might soon do something to fulfil it. One Scenario Let’s say one is in a relationship and they feel the need to experience physical affection, they could go and find their partner. If their partner is not around, they will have to wait a little while. Behaving in this way is not going to cause them to experience shame and to wonder how their partner will respond to them. What they are doing will be seen as normal, just as it will be seen as normal when their partner reaches out to them. One Step Back If, on the other hand, one is not in a relationship and they want to fulfil their physical and/or sexual needs, extending themselves to others won’t be something that causes them to feel uncomfortable. Or if they do feel uncomfortable, it could just be because they feel a bit nervous, for instance. But they won’t feel as though actively pursuing their needs is this way is something to be ashamed off, which would cause them to experience extreme discomfort. They will simply have needs, like every other human being on the planet. Another Scenario One could find that a certain situation is getting them down, and this will be a time when they need emotional support. This can mean that they just need another person to be there for them, to be fully present in their company. After they have spent an hour or so in their company, they may feel more at ease and have a clearer mind. Reaching out to a friend or a family member in this way will have been the right thing for them to do. In Balance One way to look at someone who behaves in this way would be to say that they are in harmony with themselves. They have accepted that they are an interdependent human being, allowing them to live in the right way. Maybe they have always felt comfortable with their own needs and have, therefore, reached out to others more or less whenever they have needed something. It might be hard for someone like this to understand why anyone would want to live life differently. Keeping Everything In If someone doesn’t experience life in this way, they can end up doing everything they can to hide their needs from others. They can generally create the impression that they are a needless human being. This doesn’t mean that they will have a good connection with their needs, though, as they could spend a lot of time being out of touch with a lot of their needs. In other words, they can spend a lot of time in their head and out of touch with their body. A Painful Place Through living in their head and convicting themselves that they don’t need others, it will allow them to avoid the pain that is likely to be in their body. Being in their body can bring them face-to-face with their needs and the pain of not getting their needs met. Living in their head will allow them to keep this pain at bay and to disconnect from a lot of their needs. Their emotional and physical needs will then end up being overlooked, setting them up to ignore a number of needs that have a big effect on their wellbeing Another Approach If they were to get in touch with these needs, they could end up experiencing a lot of shame. Not only this, the people who they open up to could reject them, thereby validating the view that they have of their own needs. When they reveal their needs, then, it will be as if they are revealing a part of themselves that is deeply shameful. In order to be accepted by others, they will believe that they need to hide their needs. Poor Connections If they do have people in their life, they may find that they are drawn to people who have embraced their needs and are incredibly needy. These people will then be mirroring back the part of themselves that they have denied. Being there for them can also be an indirect way for one to get their needs met. The trouble is that due to how needy these people are, they may rarely even notice that one has needs. A Deeper Look If someone is unable to embrace their needs, and to accept that their needs are part of being human, it is likely to be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life. This is likely to be a time when their caregivers, rarely, if ever, met their developmental needs. At this stage of their life, it would have been extremely traumatising for their needs to be ignored. Their whole system would have been overloaded with shame, along with other feelings, and there wouldn’t have been a lot that they could do to handle this pain, other than to disconnect from it or to be overwhelmed by it and to want their life to end. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to develop a better relationship their needs, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is not uncommon for people to talk about how different they are to their siblings and this can be seen as a surprise, especially if they have the same parents. Due to this difference, it can be as if they had different parents growing up.
One Element One reason that is often put forward when it comes to why two siblings are so different is that their DNA is different. Therefore, even though they were brought up by the same people, they are not the same at a deeper level. This, then, is the reason why it can appear as though they were brought up by different parents. What this does is create the impression that their parents didn’t play a big part in how they turned out. A Convenient Answer If one of their children turned out fine but another one didn’t, it can be very reassuring for their parents to hear this. Their parents might not be willing to look at the impact that they had on their children, so hearing this will be music to their ears. In other words, believing that their DNA is the reason one of their children is so different to the other will let them off the hook. But while it would be easy to say that the only reason siblings are so different, regardless of if one of them is not very well-adjusted, for instance, it doesn’t mean that there is not more to it. The Hidden Influence The fact of the matter is that parents generally treat their children differently from the moment they are born. This doesn’t mean that this is something that they are consciously aware of, though. Ultimately, every parent has their own baggage, and this baggage influences how they treat their children. A parent’s own issues don’t just magically disappear when they have children, even though they may consciously want to do the best they can for them. A Big Difference This is why it has been said that instead of reading books or taking courses on how to bring a child up, it is far better for future parents to face their own wounds. What they learn about through reading books or taking courses can be no match for the wounds that are deep within them. For example, if a couple has a boy and a girl, they may feel closer to one child than they do to the other. As a result of this, both parents could treat one child better than the other, without being consciously aware of this. A Closer Look The father could also be far more lenient with his daughter than with his son, believing that the son doesn’t deserve the same level of protection. The mother, on the other hand, could feel threatened by her daughter at a deeper level, and unconsciously try to hold her back. But, if a couple ends up having two boys or two girls instead, they may feel a greater affinity to one of their sons/daughters. One son/daughter, for instance, could be more outgoing and boisterous than the other, which could result in them being far more accepting to one of them than they are to the other. The List is Endless A mother might not have been able to fulfil much of her potential, which could cause her to put a lot of pressure on her daughter to do well. This could mean that the daughter will grow up to believe that her value is based on what she does and not on who she is, setting her up to struggle with perfectionist tendencies and low self-worth as an adult. The son, on the other hand, might not have the same expectations, allowing him to just be. He might not achieve as much as time goes by, but he could end up being a lot happier than his sister is. Other Factors In addition to how each sibling is treated during their early years, there is also the effect that their birth and their time in the womb had on them. It would be easy to overlook these two stages in someone’s life, yet this would be an oversight. Each sibling might have no recollection of what their experience was like in the womb or what their birth was like, but that doesn’t mean that these moments in their life are immaterial when it comes to what they are now like. Their mind won’t have been fully developed at these stages of their life, yet their body will most likely be only to aware of what took place. Conclusion Oliver James goes into great detail in his book, ‘They F*** You Up’, about how siblings don’t have the same parents. So, if you would like to gain a greater understanding of this, reading this book will assist you.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Over the years, I have heard people say to others that they ‘just need to love themselves’, or words to that effect. Along with this, I have come across numerous posts online where the same thing has been said.
Self-love is then presented as something that someone can experience by simply loving themselves. With the same ease that someone might put on a jacket, then, they can also love themselves with the same ease. Back To Reality What is only too clear, though, is that if experiencing self-love was this easy, it wouldn’t be a challenge for so many people. If it was, someone in this position would just need to see that they don’t love themselves and then to just love themselves. The fact is that in a lot of cases, experiencing self-love is not something that simply just happens. Someone can’t, in most cases, just decide to love themselves and everything will change. Short-Term Solution The idea that someone can just love themselves, instantly, is most likely coming from the view that that this is something that can happen through force. This can be seen as a very masculine approach. When this approach is taken, what someone can do to love themselves is to end up adding things to their mind. Positive messages and affirmations, for instance, can then be used to cover up how they feel about themselves. Too Far If this approach does work in the beginning, they may soon find that it isn’t long until it starts to wear off. Not only this, they could even go from one extreme to the other, having an inflated sense of themselves. As they will have covered up how they really feel thanks to a layer of positive messages, the love they do have for themselves is not going to be built on firm foundations. This approach, then, is not going to allow them to develop greater self-knowledge. Another Option The alternative would be for them to keep in mind that they are enough and worthy, for instance, while working through why they are unable to realise this at an emotional level. This is not a time when they will be trying to change how they feel by force; they will be surrendering to what is taking place within them. There is a strong chance that the reason why they are unable to love themselves is because of the layers of trauma that they are carrying. As they work through these layers, it might only be a matter of time before it is normal for them to experience positive feelings. The Main Component Perhaps the main thing that that stops someone from being able to experience self-love is shame. This is something that can make it more or less impossible for them to experience positive feelings, and, even if they can, it can be a challenge for them to sustain them. If someone is loaded up with shame, often described as toxic shame, it can show that they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect as a child. Furthermore, their birth and their time in the womb may have also played a part in how they feel about themselves as an adult. A Gradual Process Working through this pain is, naturally, not going to happen overnight. But, due to how miserable life can be without being able to experience self-love, it is undoubtedly worth the wait. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this will provide the presence and the guidance that is needed to work through these layers of trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of things that make life easier to handle on this planet, and being able to laugh is one of them. This ability serves a similar purpose to oil; it allows life to flow that little bit easier.
Without oil, a machine would soon end up seizing up, but while the world probably wouldn’t come to a standstill without laughter, it certainly wouldn’t be the same. Instead, it would be like living a life that is in black and white. A Gloss Being able to laugh, then, will be what gives life that bit of extra sparkle. So, let’s say that someone is experiencing a fair amount of stress; they will be able to watch something that will help them to relax. This could be a live comedy show or it could be a series, but it will still be something that allows them to have a good laugh. Their brain will end up releasing feel-good chemicals during this time. Another Option Alternatively, one could end up reaching out to a certain friend who usually makes them laugh. Not only could this person make them laugh but, when they get together, both of them could end having a good laugh. They will then appreciate being with the other person and they will be able to release a lot of tension and to loosen up in their presence. Every other part of their life could fade into the background, allowing them to be fully present. Weighed Down If they were to simply sit with their stress and didn’t reach out in this way, it would be a lot harder for them to handed life. The lubrication that laughter provides to their being wouldn’t be there, which would most likely set them up to feel tight and tense. They could end up feeling even more stressed and they may find that certain symptoms start to appear. For example, they might find that they end up getting headaches, back problems and/or that their stomach hurts, for instance. It’s Not a Panacea Now, this is not to say that having a good laugh will solve everything; there will be times when one will need to do far more than this. Naturally, if one had a serious problem in their life and simply laughed about it, it wouldn’t solve anything. This area of their life would probably end up getting worse and, the sooner they get serious about it, the sooner something can be done about it. So, as with any tool, there will be a time when it has a purpose and a time when it doesn’t. A Destructive Influence In addition to laughing when it is time to be serious, using humour during the same moments can be just as harmful. When this takes place, it will be as though someone doesn’t want to face something. Laughing or using humour will then a way of them to create space between themselves and what it is that they don’t want to acknowledge. It will be like they are putting a blanket over something that they don’t want to see. A Defence This is likely to be something that will take place without one even being aware of what they are doing. It is then not that one has consciously chosen to avoid something; it is merely something that just happens. Through doing this, it will enable them to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. If they were to no longer laugh or to put their humour to one side, they could end up feeling very uncomfortable. Protection Ultimately, this will be their minds way of keeping them alive, and this can be seen as a good thing. What is not good about this approach, however, is that it can stop them from being able to change a certain area of their life and to grow. It this case, it will be essential for them to gradually become aware of what they are trying to avoid. To do this, they may need to reach out for external support – support that will allow them to go where they haven’t been able to go by themselves. A Deep Wound If one has the tendency to laugh and/or to use humour whenever it is necessary for them to be serious, there is the chance that they are carrying trauma. Over the years, a number of layers may have been formed over this trauma. Due to this, they may not be able to go into their body and to instantly connect with what they are trying to avoid. Like any kind of mining, they will need to chip through a few layers until they can find exactly what they are looking for. Way Back They may find that this trauma relates to something that took place during their adult years, or they may find that it goes back even further. If it goes back to their early years, it could have been something that completely overwhelmed their system. And, as they were unable to integrate the experience, they had to split-off a part of themselves instead. This would have stopped them from being able to operate as a whole human being. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When there is a problem, the first thing that will need to take place will be to find out exactly what is going on. Once this has happened, there is the chance that something will be able to be done about it.
If the problem is not identified, it is not going to be possible for anything to be done about it. With this in mind, it shows how important it is to find out what is going on in order for something to be resolved. A Big Area This, then, is the reason why different labels are used when someone has mental and emotional problems. By being given a label, it allows someone to find out exactly what is going on for them. Before this, they may have felt confused and wondered if they would ever be able to understand what was taking place. Now, thanks to the label they have been given, this will be a thing of the past. A Relief This doesn’t mean that any of their symptoms will have been taken away, of course, but they may feel more settled. Instead of walking around in the dark, it can be as if a few lights have been put on. From here, they may end up being given some kind of medication to go on and/or end up being referred to a cognitive behavioural therapist. It could feel like a big step has been taken, and that their life will only get better. A Strong Need The one thing that their mind needs to be able to settle down is certainty, which is one reason why being diagnosed will provide them with a sense of relief. This part of them won’t care if what they have been told is the complete truth. What can make what they have been told even more believable is if they have been diagnosed by an expert. This person can be seen as having all the answers, meaning that what they say will be the ultimate truth. Two Options If one was to end up on medication and to have cognitive behavioural therapy, there is the chance that their level of self-knowledge won’t improve. Numbing their pain by taking drugs and focusing on their thoughts and behaviour is unlikely shed any light on what is taking place at a deeper level. Their unconscious mind will then end up being overlooked, with them only focusing on what is taking place at a surface level. But while this will be the case, they might not be aware of this. Cast Aside The reason for this is that the expert/s who they see might not even mention the unconscious mind, preferring to simply focus on what is taking place in their conscious mind. Along with this, they might hear a lot about the effect that a chemical imbalance can have and ‘faulty’ DNA. So, while the pain that they are in will have provided them with an opportunity to take a deeper look into their own being, it won’t be gasped with both hands. Not only will they want to avoid their own pain, the people who are guiding them will also have the need to keep everything on the surface. Avoidance The ego will do anything to avoid pain, using all kinds of defences, and it is clear to see how the mainstream approach to mental problems is often influenced by the ego. Medication and the behavioural approach allow people to avoid themselves. It is the equivalent of taking a car to a garage that has problems and simply having it painted by a mechanic. Yet, while this won’t allow the car to work, a human being will most likely still be able to function in the their day-to-day life even if their symptoms are managed and their unconscious mind is overlooked. The First Step When someone is diagnosed as having a mental disorder, it can open the door for them to gradually understand themselves and to develop self-knowledge. Or, it can be a time when this door will stay shut and they will continue to live in the same way. Being diagnosed is then not something that is negative per se; it all depends on what happens after this has occurred. And someone can even end up being diagnosed as having more than one disorder. One Purpose It is then going to be a good thing that there are so many labels available as this will enable someone to get the right diagnosis. But while this is so, it could also be said that another reason why there are so many labels is that it legitimises this whole operation. The impression can be created that these so-called experts have everything worked out and that that is a clear difference between what is healthy and what is not healthy. Along with this, the drug companies out there can come up with different drugs for each disorder. The Perfect Scenario The last thing that these companies want is for people to look within themselves and to gradually resolve their issues. If they were to do this, this would take a lot of their business away. Naturally, the ideal will be for people to buy into all these labels and to end up taking their medication until the end of their life. With the help of doctors and other people in high places, they have been able to exert their influence and to define the type of relationship that so many people have with their mind and body. Conclusion Does this mean that medication for mental and emotional problems should be outlawed? No, what it comes down to is that these companies are there to make money, and it is going to be a lot easier for them to achieve this when people are dependent on what they provide. The last thing that these drug companies are going to want is for people to find other ways to resolve their inner challenges. In other words, these companies are going to do whatever they can to keep as many people as they can in a mentally and emotionally undeveloped state.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are quite possibly hundreds, if not thousands, of female models who share pictures of themselves online. And just as there are a number of these models online, there are also going to be a number of reasons as to why a woman would want to live her life in this way.
For one woman, this could primarily be a way for her to express herself, while for another; this could primarily be a way for her to silence the voice within her that says that she is not enough. Both of these women, then, are going to be coming from a radically different place. A Small Part But, while there will be different reasons as to why a woman would share pictures of herself online and describe herself as a ‘model’, the average man who follows her is probably not going to care about this. This could be something that has no even crossed his mind, due to the fact that he is completely focused on her appearance and not on what her motives may be. It is then going to be similar to what may happen if someone is extremely hungry and a plate of food is put in front of them; they most likely won’t ask where it came from. The only thing they will do is to start eating. A Different Need So, while looking at pictures of a woman/women wont fill a mans a man’s stomach, they are still going to fill another need. Or to be more precise, they will appear to fulfil another need that he has. In the same way that watching porn won’t fulfil a man’s sexual needs, looking at pictures of half-naked women won’t truly fulfil any of his needs either. What it will do, however, is give his imagination something to work with. An Analogy Therefore, in the same way that eating fast food can give someone the impression that they are getting what they need; looking at pictures of models can also have the same impact. But, just as the fast food won’t truly nourish them, neither will the pictures that they look at. Looking at these pictures will be like having a carrot dangled just in front of them, with this carrot always being out of reach. It might seem to get closer if they were to watch a video of the model, but it will still be way out of their grasp. Two Parts Taking this into account, then, the good that comes about through looking at these pictures is going to be offset by the bad that comes about. It will be like a child receiving a toy, only for them to find out there is no toy in the box. Positive feelings will arise in the beginning and then end up being replaced with negative feelings. But, in the same way that a child could go to another toy box to get away from these feelings, a man could end up looking through other images to get away from the frustration that arises through looking at a picture. A Life of Voyeurism Now, while there are going to be men who look through these images from time to time, there are going to be others who regularly look through them. What this can then mean is that a man like this will rarely see a real naked body. Instead of experiencing the real thing, he will look towards a screen to vicariously give him what he needs. He is then going to be wasting his precious life away and, to top this off; he may even be spending a model, or two, money. A Different Scenario On the other hand, even though a man spends a fair amount of time looking at these pictures, he could still be in a relationship with a woman. Clearly, he is not going to be physically cheating on her by doing this, but it could still have a negative impact on their relationship. A lot of his energy could end up being directed to this area of his life, and the women he is with could feel this if she is in tune with herself. Not only this, the man may start to feel dissatisfied with the woman he is with. A Pre-Existing Problem It could be said that this so purely the result of the man looking at these pictures and that everything was fine before. At the same time, what this could show is that the man wasn’t really attracted to this woman to begin with. By looking through a woman pictures online, it can then remind him of how far short he is of his ideal woman. It will be tantamount to wanting to drive a sports car but having to drive a cheap second hand one. Two Challenges If a man doesn’t experience the real thing and only looks at images on a screen, it is going to be clear that he will need to make a few changes if he wants to embrace life and to no longer sit on the sidelines. What he may find, if he was to look within himself, is that he doesn’t feel good about himself, feels powerless and doesn’t understand what he needs to do to change this area of his life. When it comes to a man who is in a relationship but still spends a lot of his time and energy looking through these pictures, he may also be out of touch with his own worth. He may also have trouble managing his own emotions. Conclusion The modern-day world makes it easy for someone to be passive, while also allowing them to feel as though they are actually fulfilling their needs. There is also the fact that technology has also created more space between human beings, which has resulted in face-to-face communication taking a back seat. Thanks to this, the life skills that were a normal part of life in the past are now often absent. The focus has gradually gone from learning how to use a computer, to learning how to have a conversation.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to come across a ‘model’ online, and there are a number of different platforms where they can be found. And while some of these models typically keep most of their closes on, there are others who typically keep most of their clothes off.
Along with this, there will be some models that do this for a living; while there will be others that don’t. If a model does, they might make most of their money sharing pictures of themselves holding, or wearing, different products. Another Way Promoting different products is then going to be a way for them to make a fair amount of money. Some of the people who follow them may also send them money directly, even though they may get very little in return. It is not going to be enough for someone like this to simply ‘like’ or comment on their pictures; they will need to do more. They may believe that doing this will allow them to actually get their hands on the person in the pictures. Two Experiences It could be said that, in general, there will be two types of people who follow these models. The first type will be the aforementioned person who, basically, wants to get their hands on the model that they follow. That is probably putting it mildly as it is highly likely that they would like to do far more than get their hands involved. And, perhaps, there are some models out there who will allow someone to do to just that if a certain amount of money is put forward. The Other A model like this can then create the impression that what she does funds her extravagant lifestyle, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Out of the need to maintain a certain image and to maintain their own sanity, this part of their life will be kept hidden. When it comes to the second type of person, this can be someone who would like to be the model that they follow. In their eyes, the model can appear to have it all and will, therefore, be seen as a role model. The Ideal Someone like this may follow a model that has a muscular physique, for instance, with them wanting to have the same type of body. Or, they may follow a model that has a very big behind. Having a muscular physique might not appeal to them, but having a bigger behind certainly will. Maybe, they believe that once they have a bigger behind, they will finally feel good about themselves and/or find their ideal partner. On A Pedestal Nonetheless, irrespective of whether someone wants to have their way or to have a similar body to a model, they can still end up putting this person on a pedestal. So, while the model will simply be another human being, it can be as though they are from another planet. Now, while the model they follow can have a strong sense of who they are, be secure and live a good life, there is also the chance that this couldn’t be further from the truth. The life that this person presents to the world, then, may have very little to do with what their life is actually like. Stuck On a Treadmill The model may have a good physique and have plenty of followers, yet deep down they may feel as though they are not good enough. Therefore, no matter what their body looks like or how many followers they have, the hole within them won’t be filled. Receiving lots of comments and ‘likes’ may help to keep this feeling, and the thoughts that go with it, at bay, but what they won’t do is eradicate what is taking place deep within them. They will then have the need to maintain the image that they have created in order to hold onto all their followers. A Burden The fact that they have to create a certain image online is likely to add even more weight to that idea that who they are is not enough. Who they really are, their true-self, is going to be kept hidden. The positive feedback that these people give them will be for the image they present, not for who they really are. It will relate to one part of them, with this being a part that has most likely been heavily edited. Extreme Measures If a model has a big behind, for instance, there is the chance that this is the result of lifting heavy weights. Then again, what this could show is that their body is only this shape because they ended up having surgery. If this is so, it could mean that their behind is way out of proportion, setting them up to have a figure that looks more like the figure of a cartoon character, such as Jessica rabbit. What this could show is that this model is carrying a lot of shame, which is why she has the need to have the ‘perfect’ figure. Conclusion When someone is carrying a lot of shame and ends up feeling flawed, it can be normal for them to do everything they can to look perfect. Due to how they feel and what they believe, there will only be two options: being perfect or being imperfect. The changes that they make to their body are then going to be a way for them to try to change what is taking place within them. The trouble is that unless they deal with their inner wounds, what they do to their body is unlikely to have a lasting effect. Awareness If someone can see that they are carrying a lot of pain, and they want to work through it, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Stress is undoubtedly part of life, but while some people are able to handle a fair amount of it, there are others who can’t. When someone can handle a fair amount of stress, they may generally be able to handle their day-to-day life.
If they do feel weighed down, it could show that they have just been promoted or that they have taken on more than usual. For a short time, then, they won’t be able to function in the same way as they usually do. Inner Strength What they may find, once this is over, is that they feel even stronger than they did before. This experience would have tested them, but it won’t have had a negative effect on their life overall. Through having the ability to handle pressure, it will allow them to move forward and to make progress in their life. They may have a job that involves a lot of responsibilities and is fairly high pressured, or they might not have a job like this. An Important Ability Yet, no matter what kind of career they have, having the ability to handle a fair amount of stress is going to serve them well. This doesn’t mean that there won’t have been moments when they will have been taken out, though. Yet, when they can see that they are getting to this point, they might typically end up taking a step back. They will know that they can handle a fair amount of stress, but they will also know that they are not impervious to stress. Another Part And as they are generally able to handle the challenges of living in the modern day world, they may also be able to handle the stimulation that goes with it. Being in areas that are highly populated might not faze them. The lights, sounds and smells that are part of these areas are probably not going to bother them either. This is not to say that they will want to spend hours and hours in these kinds of environments; what it means is that they will be able to handle them when they need to. Two Parts As they are able to embrace the world, they may also find that their body is able to embrace most of the food that they put in their mouth. Being able to take in life will make life worth living and being able to take in food will be what allows them to live. In other words, their digestive system is not going to have the tendency to play up and to reject what they eat. This could be something that very rarely takes place, thereby allowing them to absorb the nutrients that go into their body. A Radically Different Life On the other hand, when someone can’t handle much stress, it can be a challenge for them to handle their day-to-day life. They won’t need to have anything big going on in order to feel weighed down. When it comes to their job, they could do something that is fairly low stress and where they don’t need to see many people. This can then make it easier for them to manage the stress that they do experience. Held Back Still, through being this way, they may find that it stops them from taking the next step in their career. Taking this next step might not simply be seen as something that would wipe them out; this could be what would actually take place. It is then not that they lack the courage to take the next step; it is that taking the next step would be too much for them to handle. Perhaps they have tried this is the past, only to end up in a really bad way. Conflict Nonetheless, while not taking the next step will be a way for them to manage their inner world, it doesn’t mean that they have fully accepted this. They could end up feeling hopeless and powerless from time to time, and they may feel as though they are incapable and lack what other people have. If the people in their life are supportive, it might make it slightly easier for them to handle being this way. Furthermore, they might not be able to handle too much stimulation either. Totally Fried They may prefer to go into areas that are not too populated, such as the woods, or to go out when there is not likely to be many people around. Load noises, strong smells and bright lights could wash them out. After being in a populated area for a little while, they could soon end up feeling drained, and it could take them a little while to recover. Their digestive system might also have the inclination to play up and struggle to utilise the nutrients that go into their body, which may mean that they are either over or underweight. A Reflection Therefore, not only will it be a challenge for them to embrace life; it will also be a challenge for their body to accept the food that they eat. One might believe that this is just a coincidence and that these two things are not connected. This could be the case; then again, these two things could be merely symptoms of what is taking place within them at a deeper level. There is the chance that what took place during the beginning of their life played a part in why they are experiencing life in this way. Way Back When they were a small child or even before then, at their birth, their system may have been overwhelmed with pain. The external support that they needed wouldn’t have been there, which was why this took place. Regardless of whether they were a child or a small baby - even though it would have been harder if they were a baby - it wouldn’t have been possible for them to handle this pain. As an adult, this original trauma is then going to be what is triggered whenever they feel overwhelmed, and it is not going to take a lot for this to take place. Awareness What this illustrates is that even if one’s mind is not aware of a traumatic event, it doesn’t mean that their body won’t be. When what happened in their past remains a mystery, it will be normal for them focus on the symptoms that arise. It is not that there is anything inherently wrong with them, it is just that their body is unable to integrate this experience/s, and this is why they are experiencing life in this way. As this trauma is resolved, the symptoms will most likely start to subside. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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