Being Seen: Can Someone Have A Fear Of Being Seen If They Were Abused As A Child?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on how they typically feel, what they could soon notice is that they often feel invisible, ignored and lonely. They can show that when they are around others, they seldom feel seen and heard.

It is then to be expected that they would often feel the way that they do. They are going to be physically here but they generally won’t feel as though they actually exist.

Part of Life

Now, it might not matter if they are out socialising, are at work, around friends or family as they could feel the same. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to deprive them of the emotional nutrients that they need to be able to thrive.

What this comes down to is that they are an interdependent human being who needs to be seen and heard. Of course, not everyone is going to be able to do this but this is not something that is necessary for them to feel seen and heard.

The Experience

When they are seen and heard, this will be a time when another person is present and cares about what they have to say and what is going on for them mentally and emotionally. Ultimately, they will feel that their very existence is being acknowledged.

By being treated in this way, they will also be able to feel connected and this will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Additionally, there will be the impact that this has on how they feel about themselves.

One Outlook

So, after experiencing life in this way for however long, they could believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is stopping them from being seen. Then again, they might even believe that there is something inherently wrong with them.

If they are on board with the former, they can hope that what is going on externally changes. On the other hand, if they are on board with the latter, they might believe that their life will always be this way.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, what if their life is not this way because of what is going on externally and there is nothing inherently wrong with them? Instead, what if their life is this way because a big part of them doesn’t feel comfortable being seen and heard?

At this point, they could say that this is not true as they want to be seen and heard. Nonetheless, what they will need to keep in mind is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind.

Multifaceted

Along with their conscious sense of themselves, there is another bigger part of them that has a big impact on how they experience life – their unconscious mind. Therefore, as it is normal for them to not be seen and heard, it is highly likely that this other part of them wants their life to be this way.

If they are able to accept this, they could wonder why another part of them wouldn’t want to be seen and heard. For them to find out why they would be this way, they can imagine what their life would be like if it were normal for them to be seen and heard.

An Exercise

If they were to do this, they could soon find that they feel greatly relieved, valued, connected, and alive, for instance. After a while, though, they could end up feeling anxious, fearful, and ashamed.

From this, it will be clear that being seen and heard is not seen as something that is safe and causes them to feel bad about themselves. Assuming that this is the case, they could wonder why they feel this way.

Back in Time

What this can illustrate is that their developmental years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. So, their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Along with this, one or both of them might have been verbally and physically abusive. They would then have been hurt by what they didn’t receive and what they did receive.

The outcome

To handle what was going on; they would have disconnected from their feelings and a number of their needs, losing lost touch with their body in the process. This would have meant that they lost touch with their true self and developed a disconnected false self.

As they were powerless and dependent, this was the only way for them to protect themselves. Adapting in this way wouldn’t have changed what was going on but it would have stopped them from being aware of the impact that it was having on them and a way for them to try to be loved by their parent or parents.

The meaning

And, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. They would have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable.

Moreover, they would have come to believe that they had to hide themselves to be able to survive and be accepted. This would have involved them hiding their needs and how they felt and staying in the background.

The truth

If they were not egocentric and had a fully developed brain, they would have probably been able to see that one or both of their parents were deeply wounded human beings. It was then not that there was anything inherently wrong with them; it was that their parent or parents couldn’t love them.

Most likely, their parent or parents had a very similar childhood and as they were unable to deal with their own wounds, for whatever reason, they passed on what was done to them. Yet, for them to realise this at an emotional level, they are likely to have a lot of inner work to undertake.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk